Pawan and I been best friends for over 20 years.

We grew up together studying in

same school, college and courses. We both landed in different jobs after college
at age 24, luckily in the same city. Pawan insisted that as a friendship mark both
should have our marriages at same time. It so happened that we got married to
our better halves under the same roof at the same time when we are 25. After
marriage, Pawan and I got busy setting up our own apartments closer to work, but
unfortunately we landed bit far from each other. It's about six months we didn't
meet.
One day, Pawan and his wife Satya invited us both to visit them the coming
Saturday to spend whole day with them. After couple of days my wife Padma told
that Satya talked to her over phone regarding the plans for Saturday and she is
excited for the meet. Thinking of Pawan and being my best friend, I felt guilt that
I didn't share my deep secret – for reasons I don't know I like to wear women's
clothes. Off late I am getting more urges to get hands on my wife's clothes. I
shrugged to myself saying "let the secret die with me",
Saturday, Padma & I went to Pawan's place at 10:30. I was totally shocked
when Pawan opened the door. Instead of Pawan I know for 20+ years, he looked
amazingly a house-wife. He is dressed with lavender chiffon saree with rose and
pink florals. He has matching blouse with full bosom underneath the saree pallu.
His hands are filled with lavender and gold bangles. He has dangling earrings that
complemented the saree. His lips are sensuous with Revlon lipstick. His eyes are
wide and bright with the kajal contours. His bindi on forehead draws attention to
pay respect.
With one hand he held edge of his saree pallu and with other hand he very lady-
like pulled his long braid from behind to front. That has blown my mind off. The
braid which is till his hips had seductively contoured his bosom to display bunch of
jasmine flowers decorated to his braid. He invited us in. Trying to recover from
shock, I am even surprised seeing my wife very casual and complementing him
back "you look beautiful". Since I know Pawan for so long, I could find out that the
woman who opened the door is `Pawan in disguise'. My wife wouldn't have known,
hence she is casual perhaps. I whispered to Padma "he is Pawan in saree". She
replied with low tone "I know. Isn't he beautiful as a woman? Satya called me to
check whether it's ok if he dresses up for the day". Now I am even more shocked
and wondered why my wife didn't let me know after her call with Satya.
Satya came to greet us. She is also beautifully dressed in saree. Padma whispered
to me "look, Pavani has many bangles compared to Satya. Also look at his stylish
blouse and enlarged bosom. Look how conscious he is adjusting his pallu. He has
anklets but she didn't. Good he has toe rings and mangalasutra like her. I bet he
is wearing panties too". Padma's comments stirred my urges from deep down. With
great difficulty I held back from my emotional turbulence. We all chatted for
some time when Satya told "let's have lunch. Pavani prepared the lunch for us".
Hearing this Pawan blushed a bit that everyone could observe. I felt I am with
three ladies and deep down wanted me to be in saree like Pawan…………but didn't
have guts to express.
Evening, after tea, which of course Pawan served to us all, Satya told let's refresh
and visit the Iskon temple that is close to their place. Since we didn't go with
any change over clothes, Satya gave a green silk saree to my wife Padma to wear.
She changed to yellow saree. I thought Pawan would change back. But he changed
to magenta silk saree with green and yellow border. He had matching blouse with
low neck and strings at the back. He changed his jewelry to match the attire.
He looked very sexy and passable. I am envied when he shared his dressing and
readying with Satya and Padma. He helped braid their hairs and adjust their
sarees. Satya helped him with his braid. They all helped each other in decorating
the hair with flowers. They checked each other to agree and compliment on how
beautiful the sarees are and how beautiful they look in the sarees.
They three modeled in front of me asking how they look. Satya asked "anna, be
honest and say who looks best?" I told "you three are beautiful. It is unjust if I
just name one". All three blushed and smiled to each other. Padma asked "If you
were to be married, who would you choose among us as bride?" I paused a bit to
which Padma cribbed "see, I know all you men are alike except Pavani anna. That's
why he is so sensitive and beautiful". My reasoning is not heard any further.
We walked to the temple. The three are together with Pawan in middle. He swayed
like a woman and from behind I couldn't make out it's Pawan till I recollect what
saree he is wearing. After darshan, we had dinner in a nice hotel close to temple
and came back to Pawan's place. Pawan went inside, changed to Orange Madurai
cotton saree with white blouse. I am surprised seeing Pawan and hearing Satya "you
are ready for the bed". Looking to Padma she continued "see, I advised many times
to wear nighties to bed but he still prefers sarees".
Padma and I invited them to our place after a month. Upon exchanging goodbyes,
we reached home, cuddled in our bed, we chatted a bit on the day. Padma
expressed she had a blast. She continued "Have you observed, Pavani has his
own bras and blouses as Satya's will be smaller. That means he has his own saree
collection as the blouses he wore are matches". Eager to express my desires
to Padma yet holding back I said "I didn't know. I thought he is wearing saree
for the first time". She laughed and said "no. he wore many times. I wonder he
is into sarees more time than into pants. Anyway he looked very beautiful in
saree, and as good house-wife doing lot of house work". I continued "he is very
beautiful. I didn't know men can look beautiful in sarees", to which she said "don't
think too much on sarees as you are not getting any for yourself". I tried to play
her down "what do you think – do I look beautiful in a saree like Pawan". She
teased "why you want to be beautiful. Already you have beautiful (her)". I tried
again "how does it feel in saree. I saw Pawan very proud while adjusting his saree".
She continued "it feels great. Initially there is lot of work in choosing saree,
preparing blouse, practice to wear saree etc. But once mastered, you feel so great
to be in saree and never want to trade for anything else".
With bit excitement I asked "is it so". With sharp voice she inquired "are you
thinking to dress up in saree? You seem to be more interested". As a fool I replied
back "NO". Only if she could know how much my heart wanted to say "YES" but
couldn't. I said good night to her and our conversation ended. I couldn't sleep that
night; following week my thoughts on how I missed the opportunity by not being
frank to my wife started torturing me. I turned back to one thing that I know –
that is day dreaming – `I keep dreaming some day magically my wife will ask me to
wear saree and seeing my beauty she resolves that I stay in saree for ever with
her'.
My inner voice hinted loud to my heart "check with Pawan how he made it a success
story for him?" I am eager to have good detailed talk with him on this. I am turning
restless while waiting for that discussion with Pawan …(once I hear from Pawan, his
story follows as sequel).
…I tried many times to get hold of Pawan to hear his story. Unfortunately, his
work schedules and pressure didn’t make this happen. My heart started racing with
every day that passed by without getting in touch with him. It’s only two days away
for Pawan and Satya to visit our home, I am turning restless thinking whether they
make it or not. I asked my wife Padma, she told Satya talked to her over phone and
they are coming this Saturday. Hearing this, I thanked silently from the heart.
Saturday came by; it is evident in me and showing off as well that I am very
curious to meet them. Padma even commented “relax, they will be coming anyway”.
The door bell rang by then. I opened the door; Satya came in saying hai. She is
in her jeans and shirt very casually dressed, holding helmet. While inviting her
in, I asked “where is Pawan?” She replied “Pawan couldn’t come today”, looking
disappointment on my face, she continued “so I brought Pavani with me”. She
observed my excitement and my curious eyes which are rolling towards the door.

Just then Pawan entered. He is in lime yellow saree having red border. His red
blouse is a standout tempting everyone to admire the style in which it is made. He
decked his long braid with rows of jasmine flowers. His beaming smile hinted on the
danglings that complemented his dress. His lips tend to compete colors with the
bindi, his light pink cheeks are attempting for balance and harmony. His light blue
eye-lids made the eyes wide and bright. His happiness and esteem can be seen in
his eyes.
Padma too joined from kitchen in inviting them. Satya expressed “one of us has
to be in pants to ride the bike. We tossed a coin and he won to make a choice. His
obvious choice is saree anytime. So here we are – he is more a girl than me”. We
could see the blush on Pawan and his eyes dropped hinting on his shyness.
Padma while saying “Satya, don’t tease Pawan, his beauty deserves him to be in
saree all the time”, held his hand and walked him to the sofa. He as a bride walked
in slowly. Satya replied “Oyi amma! His deceptive similarities to a woman are even
making me forget the subtle differences he possesses underneath his saree”.
Pawan turned red to which Satya soothingly said “Bhama, whatever I say, neevu naa
danave (you are mine!)”. Hearing this, his emotions turned 180 degrees to happiness
– he blushed with joy saying in tiny voice “thank you”.
We all chatted for sometime. Padma got up saying “let me do some kitchen work”.
I thought Satya would accompany Padma so I could get the opportunity to know
Pawan’s story on his beginnings and how he made Satya acceptable to the fullest
extent. Instead of Satya, Pawan got up, adjusting his pallu, he raised his saree
pleats and tugged to the side stating “I will help you in the kitchen”. Satya yawned,
laying back in sofa “see that’s why I prefer him this way”.
My heart eagerly waited anticipating my wife would say “see you should learn from
Pawan – how he understands women and helps them”. But it didn’t happen. Instead
she smilingly said to Pawan “Join me for company. You don’t have to help me but
just keep talking”. I turned envy on how casual she is with Pawan dressed as a
woman; my mind started evaluating on my chances for being in saree and giving
company to my wife.
Satya turned the TV on, flipping the channels through remote control. I sat there
as a sitting duck with my thoughts rushing and my heart pounding on when I should
come out to my wife that I too want to be dressed in saree. One hour passed by
since Satya got involved in a movie and I went to my day-dreaming where I dreamt
of being transformed. Padma’s sudden voice brought me back to senses. She while
wiping her sweat with her saree pallu said to Satya “we are almost done....do you
want something to drink”.
While she chatted a bit with Satya, I took excuse to meet Pawan in the kitchen.
Instead of asking his story, I am so high, I blurted that I too want to be in saree.
He hushed me “calm down. If you ask that way, you will be barred for life from
women’s clothes”. I felt that’s true, I quickly asked him “please help me out”. He
comforted “ok! You don’t show any emotions or expressions that you like to be in
sarees. Leave it to me, I will manage”.
I saw Padma coming back to kitchen, so I went back to living room giving excuse
that I will give company to Satya. I don’t know what magic Pawan did but in 5
minutes, Padma came back, pulled me to our bed-room without Satya’s attention.
She said “I did the cooking, for a change you do the serving”, as I am saying “o…k..”,
she continued “let me please dress you in saree so you can surprise Pawan and
Satya by making an entrance as a woman.
Thinking this is act of Pawan, with a shock I blurted out “w…h…a….t!” She kissed
me and seductively made the request “please, please, please ….do it for me”. She
quickly closed the door, dressed me with her padded bra, blouse, in-skirt and light
blue floral Mysore silk saree. Though I am showing little reluctance at the surface,
deep down I am profusely thanking her for filling my dreams. She made my face,
filled me with accessories including a wig. I was surprised when she placed a wig
saying she got it while in college for an act. She changed to my pant and shirt (as
she doesn’t have any), and said “You join Pawani and I will join Satya. I am sure you
are going to serve lunch to me and the guests as an obedient wife, O.K. Urmila?”.
My ecstasy touched the skies, wjen I heard her calling me with my new name.
Pawan smiled looking at me and said “you are looking beautiful in the saree. Thank
your wife for giving you blue floral silk saree – you might know, color blue is
for “hope” and florals represent blossom and silk for auspiciousness. You might
have many chances if you act proper”. He continued “You still have to learn couple
of lessons on approaching your wife for fulfilling your desires. Take my advice
that helps you to get permanent visa (to dress in sarees as and when you wanted)”.
I thanked him once again and assured that I follow him; I deeply wanted that
permanent visa to feminine world.
Being the first time and being very excited, I got aroused looking at me in saree
while setting the table. Luckily due to saree pleats it didn’t show off awkward, but
my gait has slightly changed due to discomfort. Seeing my gait, Padma and Satya
exchanged dialogues – Padma said “I don’t understand how men walk with that thing
in between”; Satya continued “even I too don’t know and I can’t even imagine how.
As per me, I would say it as the first wonder of the world”.
Hearing this Pawan dragged me to the kitchen and advised “you are lucky; they
didn’t observe your arousal. In first few dressups, you can’t show your excitement
as this can hint them you really like yourself in dresses and it can be a turn off”.
Another quick lesson learned. Rest of the afternoon, Pawan and I remained house-
wives to serve our husbands Satya and Padma. While leaving, Pawan whispered “I
will call you so we can talk on our interests in sarees”.
I changed back before bed. Padma while she cuddled me in the bed said “thank you
for wearing a saree. We all enjoyed today’s theme of role reversal. You made me
very happy”. I lovingly replied “your happiness is my happiness. I am glad I could
make you happy”. She asked “did you like wearing a saree and being a wife”. I am
put to dilemma, recollecting Pawan’s advise, I said “the most I enjoyed is the joy
of serving you and trying to look beautiful for you”. Guess I impressed her by my
answer. She hugged me, “I too enjoyed the way you looked in saree. Sometimes, I
want to see you in sarees like today”. I kissed her. I couldn’t find words for my joy.
I just heard assurance that I will get permanent visa to feminine world in very near
future. I in a seductive way said “thank you” to Padma and kissed her again. We
both slept happy that night.
Next morning, while looking in the mirror, I had the mad rush to wear the saree
again. Thinking of Pawan’s advice, I composed myself to take this slow for few
sessions and make her say on when I should slip a saree. I didn’t want to mess up;
I wanted my wife’s approval on permanent visa for me to the women’s world of
dressing. A smile appeared on me acknowledging my learning’s and wise ness.
Again my curious mind started thinking about Pawan’s story………I thought to
myself, his beginnings might be similar to mine, anyway let me know from him……....

A week passed by since my first saree initiation. Being Saturday, we got up bit late.
Padma readied and asked me to shed my laziness. I am already exited looking at
her while she is getting ready. After she made her final glance in the mirror, her
attention was drawn to me; she said “help me in adjusting the saree pleats. Then
pick the clothes you want to wear and have bath. Don’t lie lazy on the bed”.
I helped her pleats; later pulling lot of courage I opened her wardrobe and took
her pink floral crepe saree which I am eyeing since we got married. I couldn’t look
at her with my shaking hands holding the saree – my mouth dried in fear of what
she might say. She smiled “you want to wear that saree?” I nodded slender to
express yes. She said “you can wear that saree with one condition Urmi – after
two hours, you have to change and prepare food. If you want you can wear a cotton
saree while cooking”. She observed my delight and continued “My bras and blouses
fit you perfect…you are lucky. I will also teach you how to wear the saree so you
can be house-wife sometimes”.
I learned many minute details from her. She taught me how to wear the saree;
how to make sure bra straps doesn’t show out; how to choose and add accessories;
how to make sure pallu doesn’t fall off etc. For the first time I heard how a woman
would take care to look good and carry the saree in elegance. As a man we never
bother any details on how we dressed.
She inquired “I have to get you your own wig that matches your face. Do you
prefer short one or long one, Urmi dear?” I with a low tone said “long one”, she
smiled “good choice, then I will also get kuchulu - besides looking good, they help
you on knowing your gait by tapping rhythmic on your buns”. I blushed; it became
very hard for me to hold my excitement visualizing the same on me.
She got a phone call; she stepped out saying she will be back in 1 hour. I spent half
hour in front of mirror admiring, adjusting and acting (which I never did) that I am
a girl. I took the phone and called Pawan to ask his story. He started narrating his
story as…………………………

“Kumar, you are lucky that Padma accepted you quick. My story is not that sweet
in the beginning. I am rescued from my quandary by Satya. I owe her; she made it
sweet at the end. I liked dressing from childhood; I remained closeted. Honestly,
I thought with marriage, the urges will go away. However, in contrary, after
marriage, the plight I am in, I don’t know whether this is a boon or a curse. The
deep rooted desire of slipping into women’s clothes storms my emotional volcano.
I kept this dark little secret to my-self for many years after which I couldn’t
hold any further. Those years of keeping the secret has been a saga of denial and
guilt yet didn’t stop me from wearing those clothes in the closet. The pleasure of
having them on me and feeling feminine within surpassed any tides of emotions I go
through.

Few weeks into marriage, I felt deep urge to reveal this secret of mine to my wife,
Satya. Not knowing how to tell her, fearing of rejection, yet deep urges to share
with her, I one evening asked her to put me in a saree. She thought it as a joke
& soon realized it is for true - tears ran through her. I felt utmost guilt, hated
myself to make her cry. I told her I am sorry and I wouldn’t request again. My
hatred towards me is the only one that is occupied for many days, even I hated
my being. I tried real hard to stop. The more I tried, the more it galloped me
diminishing my morale to a state where I lost meaning to life. Everything looked
stale and sad.
A thoughtless courage took over me one day. Without Satya’s knowledge, I took
her saree and accessories, prepared my self for the presentation; went to her
with coffee dressed as a woman. I slowly in a romantic way tried to express from
outside the room that she has her hubby as wife ready with coffee. I nervously
told her that I am in her saree and asked her if she minds me coming to her for my
debutante. Without even me in the room, she turned hysteric and yelled at me to
take those clothes off. I changed back quickly. For couple of hours, we both cried
in separate rooms. I kept pursuing her once in a while about my dressing, pleading
and praying that she shall accept.
In spite of knowing the realities, I dreamed of her acceptance, requested her
many a time in different avenues to make her understand I am not alone in this
behavior. She is very strong and adamant, pushing away all my pointers about the
cross-dressing information. Other than this dispute, we as couple are ever caring
and loving to each other.

After two months, one evening, we were talking on this subject, when she gave
her new saree for me to keep. She allowed me to wear that saree in our bedroom
locked to my-self for two hours. She didn’t want to see and/or participate in it. I
am neither in a position to stop my thoughts on dressing nor in a position to make
my wife understand and accept. I can look from her shoes why it’s difficult for her
to accept. I console myself that she is trying hard to at least give me those few
moments of personal time. I couldn’t find the reason my-self on why I dress-up.
How could I convincingly make her understand that it is a need for me? Many times
I cried to god asking him to not give me those thoughts; OR if thoughts are coming
to me, bless me with freedom to dress in front of my wife. Neither is granted so
far. Many a time I am unhappy as I can’t do what I feel - expressing and being with
her while en-fem. I guess my prayers are heard - she read me, saw how vulnerable
my state was, where I couldn’t even help my self while sliding in my morale. It may
be early signs of depression. She bit the bullet to help me out – in spite of her
dislikes, one evening, she said she would help me dress in saree and give company.
Being together in sarees made my tons of emotional baggage disappear. Seeing a
spark in me, and realizing the sky didn’t fall, she slowly forgot her dislike towards
this. With each others love and support, assurances and showing entrust, we
progressed. She helped me to understand wider perspective of womanhood than
just dressing. She taught me how to be a fine lady along with all the good qualities
that women thrive for. I cultivated greater respect towards femininity and
womanhood. I started realizing and relishing god’s creation where he entrusted
women to be the highest stature who experience motherhood carrying his creation.
I believe women are closer to god in carrying his goodness and harmony.
My reflections on these thoughts impressed Satya. She understood, I am no more
dressing up for pleasure, rather an attempt to reflect that persona of mine as a
respect to my beliefs and make them stronger. That’s how I got my permanent visa
and thanks to Satya in making me experience”.
Hearing his story, I couldn’t control my tears. Padma, who just came back, looked
at me holding phone with running tears. She turned nervous and insisted me to tell
everything. I shared Pawan’s story to Padma. Though he had happy ending, my tears
are still flowing on how difficult he might have felt at the time of coming out.
Padma wiped my tears while shedding couple of drops herself. She assured “you
don’t have to go through that agony. I want to see happiness in you. You are free to
dress and to be my Urmi, anytime ”.
I felt the pure love of Padma, who with Pawan’s story as catalyst has signed off
my permanent visa to the world of womanhood. Magically, I transported to higher
platform – now my dressing as a woman is no more for pleasure alone, rather it’s a
journey of my own to understand, practice and become a better person.
Padma and I shared good valuable stories for some time. Then I went inside,
without much thought changed to red bandini cotton saree and came back to cook.
Padma raised her eye-brow seeing me in a saree. As a natural, I adjusted the pallu
over my bosom. For the first time I felt I did this not for pleasure, Padma was
quick in reading my inner thought. I kissed her on the cheek saying “you relax, let
me cook”. She with warmth smile said “thank you. You look beautiful in this saree”.
I tried to hide my blush. She lovingly said “don’t hide. It is natural for a woman to
blush”. At that point neither of us is looking at gender perspective; rather we both
felt the vibe to experience that beautiful womanhood in the god’s creation.