12.backdoor.3 1

12
You Caught My Eye

You: Weaving in and out of traffic in your Subaru. Me: Hopefully that weave causes a collision with a pair of scissors.
THE PIONEER LOG BACKDOOR

You: LC ladies. Me: Cant decide because youre all so gorgeous.
FEBRUARY 22, 2013
You: Kind person luring me to the zombie party. Me: Wish I could have gone back. Thanks. You: Tall, blonde Ke$ha-hating zombie host. Me: I would die young if it meant an eternity with you. You: Editor-in-Chief. Me: Waiting for Thanksgiving.
Editors pick
You: Senior frisbee princess. Me: Ready to show you just how dead chivalry is. You: Art history hottie. Me: Ready to Goya all the way.
You: Tall vegan boy living at the Whiskey house. Me: Maybe we can drink whisky and get frisky together. You: Maddest cow I ever met. Me: Going crazy for you. You: On your knees playing stump. Me: Hoping to keep you down there.
Backdo
Trigger warning--------Corny. Submit to youcaughtmyeyeLC.blogspot.com
[6] days without an angry letter.
r
what id I get see Not only d like from looked the campus t f the slowes the back o t I also time bu horse of all mpus what the ca ot to see g rse vered in ho oked like co lo UR! ks BackTO poop! Than nt and ex-Ellie, pare usiast. horse enth
BackTOUR offers beautiful, authentic horses for hourly rental (or donkeys for the budget-conscious), 20 adrenaline-pumping zip lines, blue-water creek rides, ravine bungee jumping, and an authentic fixee bike tour.
BackTOUR
Photo courtesy of Wikipedia, rendering by Bjorn Hansen.
TM
* Completely safe: all tours engineered to never exceed 4 MPH. authentic * For lunch, yourwear an tour guide will
Thisis...the
-Roger Ebe
best!
rt, critic
authentic trench coat into the dining hall and come back out with enough food to feed a party of 8-12!
to pick * Dont forgetauthenticup something for
Grandma and and little Billy at the new Lewis and Clark Gift Shoppe (formerly Miller Hall).
tour, I wis & Clark r the old Le chool. Afte me to this s t want to co didn ee jump e new bung But after th me to this want to co ken! tour, I dont legs are bro ol AND my scho -Johnny, p rospie
Do you remember your Lewis and Clark tour? Remember being entertained and educated, remember
getting a real sense of what Lewis & Clark is all about, remember the fireworks at the end? No? WELL NEITHER DO WE!
Coming 2014: An authentic Oregonian experience for tourists and misinformed Lewis & Clark Expedition enthusiasts. For
only $49 an authentic hipster tour guide--dressed only in flannel (socks and underwear, too)--will show you what LC is all about. And if your tour guide doesnt say, but you probably havent heard of it, the tour is free.
e T ips C o l le g
1.
Hang all of your belongings from the sprinkler pipes in your room. If your belongings are too heavy, use firecrackers. Create snakes of extension chords and power strips on all surfaces (and hang them from sprinkler pipes if possible). When your AD enters your room, welcome them to the snake pit and ask if everything looks sssssssafe. Loft your bed as high as possible. If your AD ever approaches the closet, ask if they wants to see your bed dance. Proceed to push your bed so that it wobbles back and forth. For extra effect, put tubs of hot water on top of the bed, so when it starts shaking, steaming water starts cascading onto the floor. Say, Sorry, sometimes I keep water up there. If you use any or all of these tips, your AD will probably start crying out of frustration and will schedule a follow-up inspection. They wont want to see any more. This will give you ample time to figure out what to do with that dead body in your room!
re B o die s Befo f De ad D isp o s i n g o ctio n s afet y I n sp e H e a lt h & S

Did you recently murder someone, but forget to dispose of the body? Is it just carelessly lying around? Oh boy! Weve all been there before. Between the exams, the extra-curriculars and the senseless violence, who has the time to dispose of a dead body? But with Health and Safety Inspections coming up, that soon-to-be skeleton in your closet may land you a date with your AD for a conduct hearing. Or worse! But by filling your room with eye-catching, minor policy violations, you can use the ancient art of distraction to keep that pesky AD away from your closet.
#295
e! s, fo r c o l le g T ip
2.
3.
4.
Backdoor is a work of humor and fiction, created by Isaac, Caitlin, Kevin, David, Justin & Jake. Contact the editor at jakesimonds@lclark.edu to have the jokes explained.

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12

You Caught My Eye

THE PIONEER LOG BACKDOOR

FEBRUARY 22, 2013

[6] days without an angry letter.

to pick * Dont forgetauthenticup something for

re B o die s Befo f De ad D isp o s i n g o ctio n s afet y I n sp e H e a lt h & S

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