UNIT 3: HELPING RELATIONSHIP

Fatahyah Yahya

Counselling Department FACULTY OF COGNITIVE SCIENCES AND HUMAN DEVELOPMENT

KMC 1083: Basic Helping Skills

Helping Relationship
Helper Helpee relationship

Helper
Skills Values

Helpee

Issues

Beliefs
Needs Expectations

How a Helper Develops (Perrys Stages)

1. The Dualistic or Right/ Wrong Stage
Is characterized by the belief that a helpers responses to a client are right or wrong. In the beginning trainees often believe that there is only one right way to respond to a clients statement or situation. The helper may fail to listen fully to their clients because they are thinking what they are going to say next.

2. The Multiplistic Stage The helper become comfortable with the knowledge that there is no one right answer at any moment in the helping process. The student at this stage knows that questioning can be a valid approach, but he or she does not yet understand when this approach is more appropriate and therefore is confused about what to do.

(Young, 2009)

3. The Relativistic Stage

When you have gained some experience through study and practice, you will move into relativistic stage. At that stage, you will recognize that although many type of responses may be appropriate, depending on circumstances, some are relatively better than others. You will be able to think about the effects of certain responses on the client and the effectiveness of the responses in reaching the desired goal.

(Young, 2009)

This section will indentify some common unrealistic beliefs about the helping process.
UNREALISTIC BELIEF: I must help clients solve all their problems.
REASONABLE EXPECTATION: If all goes well, I may make a good-sized dent in a problem or the client will continue to progress when the relationship ends.
(Young, 2009)

This section will indentify some common unrealistic beliefs about the helping process.

UNREALISTIC BELIEF: If the client is not motivated, it is my fault. REASONABLE EXPECTATION: Although I can stimulate clients to consider making changes, I cannot force them.
(Young, 2009)

This section will indentify some common unrealistic beliefs about the helping process.

UNREALISTIC BELIEF: If I care about my clients or have good practical experience, that is enough. REASONABLE EXPECTATION: Besides caring and practical experience in the helping field, I must learn all the skills I can.

(Young, 2009)

This section will indentify some common unrealistic beliefs about the helping process.

UNREALISTIC BELIEF: If I am a good helper, my client will never need help again. REASONABLE EXPECTATION: If I am successful, the client may consult me again when a similar problem arises.
(Young, 2009)

This section will indentify some common unrealistic beliefs about the helping process.

UNREALISTIC BELIEF: If I am effective with one client, I will be effective with every client. REASONABLE EXPECTATION: I will not be the best match for every client.
(Young, 2009)

This section will indentify some common unrealistic beliefs about the helping process.

UNREALISTIC BELIEF: Sometimes I feel incompetent; therefore I am not competent.

REASONABLE EXPECTATION: There will be many times in my training and work as a helper when I will feel incompetent.
(Young, 2009)

Professional helping relies on a special THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP involving a trained helper and a client wanting help.

1. There is a mutual liking or at least respect At least the helper conveys respect for the clients autonomy, and the client respects the helpers expertise
(Young, 2009)

2. The purpose of the relationship is the resolution of the clients issues the helper does not ask for or receive support from client. It is a one-way street where the helper is the giver. The helpers own issues are dealt with outside of the clients hour.
(Young, 2009)

3. There is a sense of teamwork as both helper

and client work toward a mutually agreed-upon goal the client can draw strength from the fact
that the helper is there to provide support for change in the mutually decided direction.

(Young, 2009)

4. There is a contract specifying what

will be disclosed to others outside of the relationship as the client experiences

this safety, he or she began to discuss deeper and deeper issues.

(Young, 2009)

5. There is an understanding that the relationship

is confined to the counselling sessions and does not overlap into the participants personal lives
most helpers give out a 24-hour crisis hotline number rather than their own phone number. They do not interact socially with clients when it can be avoided so that objectivity is not strained by other consideration.

(Young, 2009)

6. As a contractual relationship, the

relationship can be terminated at any time

generally, the helper terminated the relationship when sufficient progress has been made or if the client is not making progress at all.

(Young, 2009)

The clients mentioned the following helper behaviors that helped establish a solid relationship with the helper.

1. The helper taught me a technique, such as making a list of goals

2. The helper showed good non-verbals, such as eye contact and leaning forward

(Young, 2009)

3. The helper showed good listening behaviors: remembering what was said and paraphrasing

4. The helper self-disclosed that he or she had had a similar experience

(Young, 2009)

5. The helper emphasized that it was my choice and that I knew myself best.

6. I like some personal characteristics of the helper.

(Young, 2009)

When using self-disclosure, the counselor briefly and appropriately discloses information about him/herself in a facilitative manner. The purpose of self-disclosure is to enhance the relationship between counselor and client. Self-disclosure can be made in response to a request by the client for information or may be offered voluntarily by the counselor. Self-disclosure is usually of a factual nature. http://www.csun.edu/~hcpsy002/Psy460_GrpTask08_Se lf-Dis.pdf

For example:
Client: Can you tell me a little about your training and qualifications? Counselor: Sure. I am a counselor-in-training working on my graduate degree in counseling psychology at this university. I have completed the first year of my degree and I am working in this clinic as a part of my advanced training in psychotherapy. http://www.csun.edu/~hcpsy002/Psy460_GrpTask08_Se lf-Dis.pdf

For example:
Client: Can you tell me a little about your training and qualifications? Counselor: Sure. I am a counselor-in-training working on my graduate degree in counseling psychology at this university. I have completed the first year of my degree and I am working in this clinic as a part of my advanced training in psychotherapy. http://www.csun.edu/~hcpsy002/Psy460_GrpTask08_Se lf-Dis.pdf

For example:

Helper: Lynda, as youve been talking of your difficulties over taking exams, it reminds me of a period in my life when I was really scared about exams and had to do something about it. Though clearly our experiences differ, I think I do have some idea of what youre going through.
Lynda: Thanks for that. One of the hardest things about being so scared is feeling so awfully alone and useless. Its as if I am burdening and boring people by talking about it.

Nelson-Jones (2008)

Mistake 1 : The helpers self-disclosure is too deep Mistake 2: Self-disclosure is poorly timed Mistake 3 : The helpers self-disclosure does not match the clients experience

(Young, 2009)

by Marianne Schneider Corey & Gerald Corey Wadsworth Group

A division of

Thomson Learning, Inc.

The value of self-exploration

Knowing yourself is a basic requisite to helping others Using individual and group counseling for selfexploration

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 3 (1)

Essential that you understand your family-of-origin issues

Identify issues in your family of origin -- how your experiences in your family have current influences Become aware of how your issues with your family might help or hinder you in working with families Identify your role in your family Review ways you related to siblings and parents Identify family rules Ways you coped with conflicts in your family Messages you received from your family Significant developments in your family Identify areas for further self-exploration

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 3 (2)

Overview of the nine stages of development from infancy to old age

1. INFANCY: (Birth to age 1) Task is to develop a sense of trust in self, others, and the environment 2. EARLY CHILDHOOD: (Ages 1 to 3) Task is to begin the journey toward autonomy 3. PRESCHOOL AGE: (Ages 3 to 6) Task is to find out who we are and what we are able to do 4. MIDDLE CHILDHOOD: (Ages 6 to 12) Task is to achieve a sense of industry

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 4 (1)

Overview of the nine stages of development from infancy to old age

5. ADOLESCENCE: (Ages 12 to 20) Task is to search for an identify and find ones voice 6. EARLY ADULTHOOD: (Ages 20 to 35) Task is to form intimate relationship 7. MIDDLE ADULTHOOD: (Ages 35 to 55) Task is to learn how to live creatively with ourselves and others 8. LATE MIDDLE AGE: (Ages 55 to 70) Task is to decide what we want to do with the rest of our lives 9. LATE ADULTHOOD: (Age 70 onward) Task is to complete a life review and put life into perspective

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 4 (2)

What are some major turning points in your development? How have your earlier experiences impacted your present way of thinking, feeling, and behaving? Are there any ways that youve converted your problems into sources of strength?

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 4 (3)

Confidentiality is a central concept in the client-helper relationship

Confidentiality needs to be discussed with clients from the onset of the relationship Confidentiality is essential but is not absolute Some exceptions to confidentiality:
Client poses a danger to self or others Client under age of 16 is the victim of abuse Client needs to be hospitalized Information is made an issue in a court action Client requests a release of record

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 9 (5)

Respecting the clients autonomy is basic

Helpers do not make decisions for clients, nor do they foster dependent attitudes and behavior As helpers, your main job is to put yourself out of business

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 9 (6)

The challenge of self-care for helpers

There are no easy answers Important for you to discover your own path to keeping alive Develop a personal strategy for coping with stress and dealing with burnout

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 15 (1)

Learn to identify constructive and nonconstructive beliefs Recognize the ways your thinking influences your behavior Challenge distorted beliefs Acquire ways to change self-defeating thinking

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 15 (2)

 Assess your current behavior to see if it is working Strive to develop realistic expectations Learn practical strategies for managing stress Realize you are one person Avoid taking on too many projects at once Learn time management techniques Practice time management strategies Find other sources of meaning besides work

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 15 (3)

Learn and respect your own limits Strive for variety within your job Build linkages with colleagues and friends Watch for subtle signs of burnout Make taking care of yourself a priority Treat yourself as you want others to treat you Recognize that you can be an active agent in your life

Becoming A Helper - Chapter 15 (4)

Basic to helping is the ability to communicate effectively.

Communication means the helpers ability to listen attentively, to respond appropriately, to understand the verbal and non-verbal cues and behaviour.

Activity 2.1 and 2.2 pg 34 (Okun)

Verbal and non-verbal communication

Communication problem is the major source of interpersonal conflict.

Helping relationship most effective when helpers show active listening (versus passive listening) and attentive behaviour.

Refer Okun pg. 33

Sitting position

Body position Eyes Eye contact

Body movement Hands movement Head

Facial expression
Mouth Voice/tone Skin

Difficult to understand fully the content. The important is the underlying message.
Easier to hear cognitive content.
Affective content is more difficult because it might different from the cognitive content. Activity: Feeling words. This can differentiate between effective and ineffective helper.

( Exercise: Okun page 62-63, exercise 3.11)

Easier to identify and respond.

Underlying feeling is not addressed.

Questions are in the form getting information eg What else did he say? So,

what happened after that?

Do not identify feeling.

Counselling IS
is thinking with the client.

and

IS NOT

is not thinking for another person.

is a process for resolving problems. is humanistic in nature and believe in the uniqueness of an individual. is a professional and formal relationship.

is not advice-giving as to what client ought to do.

is not a casual relationship.

is not simply being sympathetic towards the clients feeling.

is not merely the application of techniques.

is at its best when the counselor is doing the least.

is not an ego trip for the counselor.

is assisting client in changing things and developing competence. is building self-reliance by aiding someone else in making decisions and fulfilling commitments.
is not being manipulative.

is not just talking things over.

Helping Skills
Attending Skills
SOLER (Egan, 1998)

O L E R

Face helpee SQUARELY means youre interested and available to work with them

OPEN posture non-defensive and receptive

LEAN towards helpee at times. To let know youre attentive EYE contact your interest in their concerns RELAX confidence and this helps helpee to relax too

1. ORDERING, DIRECTING, COMMANDING - You must do this - You cannot do this - I expect you to do this - Go apologize to her

(Young, 2009)

2. WARNING, THREATENING - You had better do this, or else - You better not try that
(Young, 2009)

3. MORALIZING, PREACHING - You ought to try it - It is your responsibility to do this - I urge you to do this

(Young, 2009)

4. ADVISING, GIVING SOLUTIONS - Let me suggest - It would be best for you if

(Young, 2009)

5. JUDGING, CRITICIZING, BLAMING - Youre wrong - You didnt do it right

(Young, 2009)

See You Again