Shariece Smith Identity Paper I think I am going to start this paper off in the most unconventional way possible.

I have never been one that was fond of writing papers or being expressive. I have re read and re read the questions presented for this paper many times, with some point of clarity and many points of confusion. I was troubled at how lost I was to what I would say to answer these questions. Many people have written this paper and I have used it as a glance to help me understand what I should write, but to my savor they have been no help. However, I am beginning to see why. When you think of this paper and the essence of what it is, it is hard to really write about such a topic. Though I have started drafts and erased them in the search for the perfect words, I have yet to really know what I want to say in this paper or blog in relation to the topic. But now that is 3:13 a.m. on a Thursday morning, it has finally dawned on me what the issue is and why the words are not flowing fluently onto the screen and with connection to the text. I am writing an identity paper, a paper that is to explain my identity as an educator, advocator, policy stakeholder, community connector, etc; the list can go on. A paper on a topic that I have not, yet let me state again, I have not fully grasped for myself. It is hard to answer questions in such a concrete matter, because I am as an educator still rustling with that very identity. I figured when this was assigned, oh it would be a piece of cake to knock it out and be done with it. But man o man that is not the case at hand. So many different ideas are going through your head when thinking of the answer to each question. You think one thing and then thoughts begin to counteract and you begin to question whether or not that is actually your identity in which you possess as an educator. How strong can you stand on that foundation of words as the truth, end all be all to who you are. I know that I can say what I was originally going to write, would not have been a foundation of solid concrete but marsh

like substance, because the words and thoughts that I found perfect for the paper were identities of others that I found to be good stand points with a little mixture of who I am. Identity is a growing process, a facet of ones self that changes and changes repeatedly. It has its pieces that are constructions of others thoughts, ideas, morals, and ethics that one would like to imitate because they see quality. It is also composed of pieces that are inherently there from ones environment and social structure in the world with a connection to the experiences they have naturally embarked on due to nature. Along with the parts of a person, they try to not disclose and fight to eradicate from themselves because of judgment and un-comfortability with that being who they are. But the great thing about a persons identity is that it is who you are and it allows you to stand for what you believe is sufficient, just, moral, ethically, and more. Though molding is appropriate and essential there is still that part of you that will indefinitely be you and allows you to naturally connect to particular moldings. I can definitely say that I have experience this very thing this year when it comes to my identity as person within and without the classroom/educator environment. As I learned and witnessed a wide variety of things, my identity either shifted to take on that element or it repelled with its own mindset to what it believes is right. I knew that before I entered into this year that there were a few things that I would never change about myself such as being a person that is approachable by students and open for them to talk to you, a person that though I make many mistakes and may not be the best that I have to instill in my children (students) that they have to be better than me. I have always known myself to take each part of me I see as a fault and turn it into a learning experience for my children. For example of something simple, I am very disorganized, but it is one thing I will not allow my children to be and the reason for that is because I now at my age have seen the ramification of it and I want them to do better and succeed especially since they are coupled with a harder life style than I have had though somewhat similar. I have before this program and year always known my identity to possess the feeling that learning is not optional and if you make it optional I will show students what that entails in life. I am not one who is sensitive to the excuses of

home life, because I want them to realize it can change if they make it change as they grow older. I believe as an educator my sensitivity cuts on when the bell rings for dismissal. But not get me wrong, I still will provide for you what you need to make the day go smoothly, but you will complete the learning that is essential to you. I also before the program as an educator saw a great value in education, not saying that every child will go to college, because there were times where I myself was not a person of schooling, but they still need to be educated / knowledgeable of the world so they can do something with whatever gift of talent they have. Lastly, I knew that I was determined to stay honest and have a joy for education, once I get to a point as an educator where I am disconnected, dissatisfied, disappointed, disapproved of things, or it conflicts with how I feel morally or ethically I will simply quit. I will never do children a disservice as to teaching them and not wanting to be there, that awkward moment when it begins to feel like work. Now at some point by now, you are waiting on me to connect this to the assignment and answer the questions, so here I go. How has the readings coupled with my residency experiences reshape the way I view myself as an educator and the goals I seek to enact in teaching? I can that it ranges from a breeze to a tornado mixed with a tsunami. The readings in particular would be that cool summer breeze. I say this because I cannot sit here and say that the reading of the text has done much reshaping of my view because the readings in their own right were absolutely confusing. Another area I struggle with that I do not want my students to struggle with as side note. Many times I was very unsure of what they were talking about and how it relates to me, so to answer that part of the question the readings in themselves as per text has not been of benefit, but on a brighter note the discussions that were held in regards to the readings and other discussions via the smart briefs and just people feelings of the week have strengthen and reshaped my view of myself as an educator and goals I seek to enact in teaching. It has helped me to see that I what I stand for as an educator is what many people stand for, but it has also shown me that I can not only become sensitive or teach to the emotions after the bell rings for the

school day. I need to incorporate that more into the day of school. At many points I agreed with some of the standpoints of the topics whether it be from my own experience as student or just how I see things now in general. I use to be and still sorting on the cusp of let me just be a teacher first, before you ask of me to do so much. I believe that we juggle to many different things and in that juggling the first area that becomes insufficient is the educational learning because you dont have the energy or time to put in what you really need for the lesson. When it comes to the actually residency and reshaping my view or goals of myself this has been the tornado/tsunami. I think the residency has open my eyes to so many things that are unjust of the children of the school, that it has validated beyond belief what my identity is as a teacher and what I will simply not move. There were so many elements that I found critical that counteracted with my moral and ethically stand point as a teacher it was unbelievable to me. As it did try to reshape my view on the behavioral aspect of the children and how to buckle down on that view, it was not able to do much justice though I did take away some okays. It is just hard to take away good when you are being fighting against what you stand for. Subsequently, if need be, I can say that at first I was not an educator who was big on educational climate and the need for students to be quiet during learning at essential times but I did see the benefits in and how it can be a success to all students, as well as tucking in shirts. I could have cared less if your shirt was untuck or your didnt have supplies, but then I look into the future of what that can teach a child and was okay with the idea of them doing with the lessons of one: being presentable is the reason not just because I said so and two: to be successful at work you have to be prepared not just to nit pick. But my identity was tickled with the issue of I believe it we ask of it from our children, we should try to show that example which is crazy because I have yet as mention before to get organized, but Im trying at least.

What do you now understand about your culture, privilege, and positionality and how those influence your teaching, as well as students, community members and other educators perceptions of you?

Which aspects are potential assets? Which are potential limitations? What will you do to mitigate those aspects and/or perceived aspects?

I think throughout this year I started to take more a stand in regards of culture and who I am and the children are as a people. I started to analyze the culture I lived in conjunction to the culture they live. I realize that my beliefs, values, ideas, and experiences stem from my lenses that may not be of theirs but can be of help. I also was hit with the fact that their blackness is not my blackness and even though I am urban and may have grew up in the hood and face some of the same scenarios it did not make me fully equipped to be in relation all the time and readily able to work with the children. But I can say that having some form of ability to talk about similar events has help me to build strong relationships and have more of a drive to see them conquer more than they thought they could. This very one small aspect has been the leading drive behind my success with students. I also believe in some aspect of my being African American it changes my positionality in the eyes of the community and parents. I have a higher standard in the realm of expectation to be one that will teach the children about their culture, care more, understand more, etc. I think however my limitations when it comes to the students is that I have not experience a great amount outside of my own culture to present them a wealth of knowledge from other perspectives. This reason that I think this is a limitation because I feel that for me and others that is essential quality to possess, an understanding of the world around you. As well being exposed to unfamiliar things allows a person to grow. I as an educator to date remember when I wanted to be an educator use to always say that I was going to expose students to people of their culture and others in math, but I found myself only exposing urban students to African American heritage. I think I am that way because I am shocked to see how much they are inadequate in knowing who they are first that I want to provide that first and not only I want to learn more about who I am as well. I have not yet constructed a plan as to how to resolve the limitation, but I do

know that I will hope to encourage all of their teachers to share a part of their culture with the students so they are most getting a glimpse into other worlds.

As an educator, how will you take an active stance in building strong relationships (classroom, school, community)? What will you do if you meet resistance?

As an educator, strong relationships are key to the success of any adventure in life. There are three traits that allow for people to develop strong relationships such as communication, trust, and support. Communication is the part that allows people to share in rich dialogue of ideas, as well as work through any turbulent issues that may arise between them. Trust is what allows someone to believe in you and your motives/intentions. Support is where a person deems you to be dependable and invested in them as a person. When all three of these things are combined, an educator is able to have those relationships with students, parents, and the community that allows them to reach their goals. There are so many ways in which an educator can obtain a strong relationship that fosters healthy communication, trust, and support. For me, it will be through a few key avenues that I have found to be helpful in my years of teaching. I will build relationships through constantly partaking in dialogue with those who are stakeholders in the education for the students and with the students. Dialogue has given me insight into the wants and needs of individuals in particular situations. I also will hold honest conversations with my students, ones that are not there to judge but enlighten them on the world in which they travel so that they are knowledgable. I would be a part of a variety of extracurricular activities beyond school to show my investment in the growth of the students. I remember in Bad teacher when it was noted that the time spent in those clubs did not play a role in the students lives, but that I disagreed with because it is a huge way to build relationships and trust within the students and parents. Only way to build a relationship is to be present in the relationship. I also feel that it takes me giving a part of me. I will share who I am as a person beyond being the educator. The support will come through my drive to help students and parents become

educated about the learning and the things that can affect the learning environment. As far as the community goes, in order to build a relationship with them, I think it will take me incorporating them into the community of the school. This can be done through invitations for the community to visit the classroom and participate in activities with the students, along with taking my curriculum out into the community allowing the students to give back. It has to be an extended open hand that immediately encourages the classroom and community to link up with each other. Overall those relationships will be built through consistency, if I say it I mean it. Resistance will be a natural response at any time the communication lines are broken or unclear, the trust has not fully been built or needs to be restored, or someone feels that they are not being adequately supported. I will continuously be faced with opposing faces that are not in accord with me quite yet, I will especially face this next year because I am new to the students. They have not yet developed trust in me and are still unable to figure out if they can communicate with me as a source for their learning or personal life experiences. As I am face with the resistance I will take it on one step at a time through a critical analysis of the root of the issue that is causing the clash between I and the other force. I will continue to revisit and revisit the situation at best to be sure that it is clarified and whatever they are looking for is answered appropriately. It will not be an easy task to deal with at times, but is about showing a part of me that is unknown in order for that person to feel comfortable yet safe in entrusting me with their education or education of their child. However, I do know that as long as I am me, persistent, and transparent to the students, parents, and community the level of resistance will not be great. I just need to be clear in my plans and open to their world.
How do you perceive policy advocacy in relation to your teaching and the teaching profession more generally? I perceive policy advocacy in relation to my teaching and teaching profession in general as something we just do. Even though there are things that we do not agree with, we automatically advocate for the

policy because we implement the practice within our classroom to satisfy job requirements. I believe that there are many educational policies that need reform however I am not at stage in my teaching career to dispute. I think as far as it goes for me I myself need to do more self education on policies and they can be of true effect to the classroom along with more work on things that can be of replacement to the idea of that policy.

What policies and practices will you actively work towards to improve teaching and learning (for your students, for the profession)?

I can say that a few policy and practice that I actively work toward to improve teaching and learning for the students and the profession is the idea of NCLB but of a different light. When we mention NCLB, I see that as a way to advocate for the fact that every child will make a gain in THEIR educational knowledge. I firmly believe you are as strong as your weakest link and if I have child you has not be serviced then I have not done my job as a teacher. So often I watch teachers leave students behind in the classroom and state everyone is not going to get it you got to move on. Well in my eyes, you may have to move on at that moment, but there is no excuse why you did not revisit it with that individual and time is definitely not one them. It is my job to educate, emphasis on the noun teacher, with the verb teach. I also actively work on the practice of how children are taught in the classroom, does it service the mass majority, small groups, or individual learners. Education has to meet children at their level one because it is their education not the masses or mines as a teacher. I strive to make sure that each students is working where they need to work at the pace in which they need to work, which is also in relation to the NCLB. Along with me being a math teacher or educator in general the fact that concepts are so broadly presented for such a short period of time is not learning but short term memorization.

Outside of educational knowledge another practice/policy that I work towards to improve my teaching for the children and the profession is the idea of favoritism within the classroom. I remember that there are no exceptions to the rules. The idea of fairness and just is truly absent within a lot of schools and classrooms. It is even absent in the political hierarchy of education. People pick and choose as they see fit, which causes tension in the masses. Lastly to improve my teaching I have a firm believer that there needs to be a policy of teachers getting recertified, the idea that they need to continue to take classes in their content field to learn the content as well to learn about the social changes of the world.

How will you seek to continuously engage in larger conversation about the shape of education and reform? What will guide your thinking?

I cant say how I will engage in larger conversation about the shape of education and reform, but I can say that the conversation will be of discussion continuously on a smaller scale between me and close co workers. It will be a conversation that will be naturally had each day that goes by because I will always seek of information on how can I better the education quality that I give the children that sit before me. The reform will not be of great levels, but right now I am only concerned with the reform of the minds of the children and what they are receiving instructional and emotionally in school and home. My conversations will stem with parents on how they can reform their position on education and its importance to the future of their children. Hopefully if students are better equipped as they enter adult hood, they will be the future leaders of the business world that runs education and they can make the necessary reforms. I think I am the point where the shape of education is and will be what it is because that is the world in which we live in, but those who receive the education should not be limited to basics.

What steps will you take to enable stakeholders (i.e., parents, community members, students, et cetera) to become critically engaged in the policy process?

The simplest step I will take to enable stakeholders to become critically engaged in policy process is by giving them the necessary information to be educated about policy process and then providing them with information on meeting and a variety of things they can do to have their thoughts and opinions heard when it comes to policy process. I will talk to stakeholders to let them know that they have to take control. They cannon complain from the side lines, it does no justice to the goal that they wish to see. Overall to wrap up the paper, I think it is a great topic to write about as far as identity as an educator. I have learned that there are so many things I need to work out as far as my identity as an educator especially in regards to the questions. I think it gives me a clear understanding of the things I should be putting on the forefront as an educator to make sure that my children, parent, and the community are receiving the education that others are receiving. I think after a few years of teachers more hands on in the field, I would be more equip to write this paper with a more distinct clarity of my identity as a teacher.