The Here and Now by Ann Brashares
The Here and Now by Ann Brashares
The Here and Now by Ann Brashares
CHAPTER SAMPLER
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the
here
and
now
ANN BRASHARES
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PROLOGUE
April 23, 2010
Haverstraw Creek
His dad had to work, so Ethan had gone fishing alone. Usually
he just followed his dad through the woods to the deep bends
of the creek, slapping at the prickers around his ankles. This
time he was confounded by how little he knew his way even
though hed been here again and again. After today, though,
hed know.
When he finally came upon the river, it was a different part
than hed seen before, but same water, he thought. Same fish.
He put his pack down, baited his hook and made a good cast.
It was different when he was alone and his cast was for catching a fish instead of showing his father he knew how.
He listened to the water and tended his line and considered
the stillness of the air. Except for that one part over there.
Downstream it seemed like the air was moving. He squinted
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at it, then opened his eyes wide and closed them again, wondering if hed wash out the strange impression that the air was
rippling over the stream. But it still looked like that, more like
that, air moving and scattering in a way that he could see.
He edged downstream, pulling his line along. As he walked
he could see far past the bend to a footbridge. And at that distance the air and the leaves were still. But here the air moved
faster and seemed to quiver like the water. As he moved slowly
toward it the air took on a strange texture. He squinted again
and saw in amazement how the sunshine seemed to refract
into colors around him. He walked a few more steps and
felt the air moving faster over his skin, almost like liquid but
softer. He wanted to focus on pieces of the splintering light,
but it was all moving too fast.
He lost hold of his fishing rod as the liquid of the air seemed
to blur and blend with the liquid of the stream, pulling him
inside the brew. He lost his hold on what was above and what
was below, what was sky and what was earth, what there was
to breathe, or even where his body began and ended. The odd
thing was, he didnt feel the urgent need to find out. It was like
a lucid dream in that he occupied no part of the world hed
seen before, but he knew he would wake up from it.
He had no idea how time passed, whether there was a big
cascade of it or almost none at all. But at some point the spinning churn of river and air coughed him onto firm ground,
and slowly the elements went back to their ordinary places. He
closed his eyes for a time, and when he opened them again, the
river was mostly in its banks, and the air went back to being
invisible and the sunshine had reassembled itself. He sat up
and gradually reoriented himself to basics like up and down.
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You sure?
She shook it again. She looked like she was afraid to move.
She was real, but she was faintly different from anyone
else,and not only because she wore no clothes. She was still
beautiful.
He unzipped his damp New York Giants sweatshirt and
held it out, taking a few steps toward her. Do you want it?
She shook her head, but she hazarded a look at it and then
at him.
He took another couple of steps. Seriously. You can keep
it if you want.
He held it close to her, and after thinking a bit longer she
shot out her arm and took it. He now saw that the blotch on
her knobby arm wasnt a bruise at all, but a scrawl of black
writing. There were numbers, five of them written by hand
with a marker or something.
He looked away as she put on the sweatshirt and zipped
it all the way up to her chin. She took steps backward, away
from him. In his mind a dark feeling was coalescing that she
had been though something difficult.
I have a phone. Do you want to use it?
She opened her mouth, but there was a space before any
words came out. No. Breath, breath. Thanks.
Do you need help? he asked her. Are you lost?
She looked around anxiously. She opened her mouth again
but again hesitated to say anything. Is there a bridge? she
finally mustered.
He pointed downstream. If you walk that way, youll see
it right after the bend, he told her. Do you want me to show
you?
No.
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You sure?
Im sure. She looked sure. She stole one more glance at
him, as though willing him to stay put, and took off toward
the bridge.
He wanted to go with her, but he didnt. He watched her
stumble off through the trees in his blue Giants sweatshirt,
looking overwhelmed by the tangled branches and the knotty
roots and the mud and the bushes grabbing at her.
Once she looked back at him over her shoulder. Its okay,
he heard her say faintly before she disappeared.
For the next two and a half years Ethan thought of that day
so often his memory began to warp. So much that he began
to wonder if hed imagined the whole thing after all. Until
the first day of his sophomore year, when the very girl, now
clothed, walked into his precalculus class and sat down one
seat behind him.
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ONE
April 23, 2014
We all know the rules. We think about them every day. How
could we not know them? We learned them by heart before we
came here, and theyve been drilled into our heads by constant
use ever since.
But still we sit, nearly a thousand of us, on plastic benches
in a former Pentecostal church (desanctified in the 1990s, I
dont know why) listening to our twelve inviolate rules recited
over a crackling PA system by nervous community members in
their best clothes.
Because its what we do. We do it every year to commemorate the extraordinary trip we all took together four years ago:
our escape from fear and sickness and hunger, our miraculous
arrival in this land of milk and honey. Its a trip that almost
certainly had never happened before and, based on the state of
the world when we left it, will never happen again. So April 23
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I try to listen. I always do, but the words have been stirred
around so many times theyve lost their particular order and
shape in my ears. Theyve melted and dissolved into a chaotic
mix of impressions and anxieties.
Dr. Strauss is one of the leaders. There are nine of them and
twelve counselors. The leaders make the policy and the counselors hand it down to us and translate it into our daily lives.
We are each assigned to a counselor. Mine is Mr. Robert. Hes
sitting up there too.
A girl near the back in a green dress stands to recite the
second rule, about the sequence of time. Heads politely turn.
Its an honor to get to recite one. Like landing a part in
the Christmas pageant. I was chosen once, three years ago.
My mom dressed me in her gold ballet flats and her most expensive silk scarf. She mashed rouge into my cheeks. I got to
say the sixth one, about never submitting to medical attention
outside the community.
After the girl speaks, we all turn back to the front, obediently awaiting rule number three.
The black-and-white face of Mrs. Branch now takes its turn
up on the screen. She was an acquaintance of my mothers, and
I know she died of breast cancer that barely got treated. The
photo doesnt exactly hark back to happier times. It looks like it
was taken on the day she got her diagnosis. I look away. Briefly
I catch the eyes of my friend Katherine a few rows behind.
I find its hard to figure out from watching the leaders
fanned out on the dais which one of them is really in charge.
No one will tell you, but I think I know. I think this because of
something that happened to me when I was thirteen, not long
before my turn at reciting the sixth rule.
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Theres no need for her to die! I heard my mother crying from the next room. She was begging them, promising
she would watch over everything, she wouldnt let anyone else
care for me. No blood tests, no diagnostics. She would figure
out a way to do it, to keep everything secret and safe.
Sometime later Mrs. Crew arrived. I could feel the mood
shift in the house, even deep in my oxygen-poor brain. The
screaming and cajoling stopped and there was just this lulling
voice from the next room. For a few moments I was strangely
alert, strangely cogent, listening as she calmly talked my mother
down. After all we have sacrificed, Molly. After all we have
been through. . . My mother left the room and I heard my
counselor, Mr. Robert, talking to Mrs. Crew instead. I felt like
I was listening to them from a perch on the ceiling, like I was
already dead, as she coolly explained to him the procedure for
dealing with my body, the issuance of a death certificate and
the proper strategy for handling what remained of my identity
in the state and federal databases. They had created our identities here; they could take them away. Finally she offered him
some injection or pill or something like that. The angel of
death, she called it in a low voice, to make my passing more
comfortable. She assured him she would stay until it was over.
But it wasnt over. Sometime in the early morning my lungs
started to open up a little. And by the end of the day a little
more. And six weeks after that I was reciting the sixth rule in
this very hall.
Mr. Botts, two rows behind me, stands up to recite the third
rule, about not using our knowledge to change anything. I remember him from our early tutoring sessions. Mrs. Connor,
with the thinning hair and weird orange tunic, takes up the
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1. WE MUST UPHOLD ABSOLUTE ALLEGIANCE TO THE COMMUNITY, TO ITS SURVIVAL AND ITS SAFETY, AND ACCEPT
THE GUIDANCE OF OUR LEADERS AND COUNSELORS
WITHOUT QUESTION OR DISCUSSION.
2. WE MUST RESPECT TIMES INTEGRITY AND HER NATURAL
SEQUENCE.
3. WE MUST NEVER EMPLOY THE EXPERIENCE GAINED IN
POSTREMO TO KNOWINGLY INTERVENE IN THAT NATURAL SEQUENCE.
4. WE MUST NEVER CHALLENGE THAT SEQUENCE TO AVOID
MISFORTUNE OR DEATH.
5. WE MUST UPHOLD ABSOLUTE DISCRETION ABOUT
POSTREMO, THE IMMIGRATION, AND THE COMMUNITY
AT ALL TIMES AND IN ALL PLACES.
6. WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION OR
SUBMIT TO MEDICAL CARE OF ANY KIND OUTSIDE THE
COMMUNITY.
7. WE MUST USE ONLY THE SERVICES PROVIDED BY OUR
MEDICAL TEAM IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES AND EMPLOY
THE EMERGENCY PROTOCOL IF REQUIRED.
8. WE MUST AVOID INCLUSION IN THE HISTORICAL ARCHIVAL RECORD, WHETHER IN PRINT, PHOTOGRAPHY, OR
VIDEO.
9. WE MUST AVOID PLACES OF WORSHIP.
10. WE MUST MAKE STRENUOUS EFFORTS TO FIT INTO SOCIETY AND NOT BRING ATTENTION TO OURSELVES OR OUR
COMMUNITY IN ANY MANNER.
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T WO
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community too. Its not something you can even joke about.
Not that we joke about so many things.
At the park its me, Katherine, Jeffrey Boland, Juliet Kerr,
Dexter Harvey and a few others who go to school in Rockland
County. Jeffrey falls asleep in the sunshine, Dexter puts on his
headphones, and Katherine and I go for a walk around the
reservoir.
So hard to see Aarons face up there on the screen, I say
slowly, glancing at the side of Katherines face as we walk. I
see the color blooming in her nearly transparent skin.
Aaron lived around the corner from her. He had a little
dog, a pug mix or something, named Paradox, that used to
run to Katherines house every chance it got. Katherine worried about Aaron. It was harder for him than for most of the
rest of us. Maybe I worried too. Katherine gave Aaron her old
Mongoose BMX bike, and you always saw him riding around
on it.
I know how sensitive Katherine is, and I know shell hide
everything she can, but I want to say something. I want to say
at least one true thing.
He wasnt much of a swimmer. He never was, I add. Its
a morbid point for me to make. I realize that, but Katherine looks relieved because its my way of telling her that Im
not trying to be too honest here. Im not trying to challenge
anybody. Im accepting the story of Aarons demise, as we all
must, even though we know it is total bullshit.
She smiles a tiny bit. I can see the tears welling in her eyes.
I see her look up at the cherry blossoms spread like an awning over the bridle path. I can see how much she doesnt want
tocry.
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I reach for her hand. I hold it for a moment and let it go. She
is the only person I can do that with.
They renamed his dog, she says, so faintly I can barely
hear her.
What?
Aarons dad renamed his dog Abe. He doesnt come to it.
We all meet up again on the Great Lawn and head twenty
blocks uptown, where weve got the big upstairs party room
of Big Sisters Diner rented out. We usually have our gatherings in New York City because we all live within a thirty-mile
radius of it and theres a lot of good transportation, but even
more because its so giant and chaotic it easily swallows everyone without a burp. We prefer not to be noticed.
Tonight on the second floor of Big Sisters there are streamers hanging and big foil pans of food laid out buffet-style and
caf tables set up around the room. Right at the front I see a
few chaperones I recognize from other socials.
Prenna? Right? A woman about my mothers age with
silver-and-black hair comes over as Im taking off my jacket.
Yes. . . Mrs. . . . I feel like I should know her name.
Sylvia Teller. From, uh. . . We live in Dobbs Ferry, she
says. She looks uncomfortable. My mind is leaping around
nervously, and then I realize its just the usual reason. She
was a friend of my fathers. They went to college or graduate
school together. She is racking her brains for a contemporary
connection between us, because those arethe only kinds we
can mention, and she cant think ofone.
I know I resemble my father, who was striking-looking and
who knew practically everybody. I can see thats the first thing
that comes into peoples heads when they look at me. I am
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tall like him and have his straight dark hair and wide, Asian
cheekbones. I look nothing like my mother, who is small and
blond, except for the silvery eyes. Nobody ever connects me
with her at these events but only, uncomfortably, with a person who cant be mentioned.
I dont want to feel sad. I go to the bathroom to wash my
face and put on some lip gloss. I nearly slam into Cora Carter
coming out of the bathroom and we both take a step back.
Hey, Prenna. She smiles.
Cora. Hows it going?
We dont kiss on the cheek or embrace or anything. The
people in our community hardly ever touch each other.
Good. She studies my outfit. You look great. I love your
belt.
I look down at it. Thanks. You look great too.
Did you see Morgan Lowrys bow tie? She looks delighted about it.
No. I just got here. Morgan Lowrys bow tie is what
passes for outrageous with us. Ill keep an eye out.
Okay. Well, see you in there.
Okay, I say.
I realize I stay one second too long on her eyes, and it makes
her uncomfortable.
I remember Cora from before. Everyone in our community
came from roughly the same geographical area, and many
of us knew each other in Postremo. We all have in common
that we survived the plague, but none of us got through it unscarred. I remember the day Coras mother died. I remember
her half-starved, half-crazy eyes when her aunt brought her
and her brother to our house until the body could be looked
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Read, Discuss
& Share
Ann Brashares
PenguinRandomHouse
@AnnBrashares
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product
of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons,
living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Text copyright 2014 by Ann Brashares
Cover photograph 2015 by Solomin Viktor/Shutterstock
All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Ember, an imprint of Random House
Childrens Books, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. Originally
published in hardcover in the United States by Delacorte Press, an imprint of Random
House Childrens Books, New York, in 2014.
Ember and the E colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.
3/9/15 12:12 PM
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Fits like a
pair
of pants.
.
Seventeen
USA Today
These are
Genuinely
.
worth having.
Entertainment
Weekly
Chicago
Tribune
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