GOD IS A DJ

(Gott ist ein DJ)

Falk Richter

Translated by Maja Zade

- Fassung Juli 2002 -

 S. Fischer Verlag 2001

Alle Rechte vorbehalten, insbesondere das der Auffhrung durch Berufs- und
Laienbhnen, des ffentlichen Vortrags, der Verfilmung und bertragung durch
Rundfunk und Fernsehen. Das Recht der Auffhrung ist rechtmig zu erwerben
vom:
All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved. No performance may be
given unless a licence has been obtained. Application for performance etc., must
be made before rehearsals begin, to:

S. Fischer Verlag / Theater & Medien

Hedderichstrae 114 / 60596 Frankfurt am Main / Germany
Tel. 0049-69-6062-271, Fax: 0049-69-6062-355
email: theater@fischerverlage.de
www.fischertheater.de
No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained.

The Space
Naturalism put on display: an examination and presentation of real life; trash and an art
gallery. A DJ spot with decks, cassette recorders, computers, samplers, home-made sound
machines, two microphones, merchandise (cds, t-shirts, duvet covers with a GOD-logo), a hotplate, a video projector, a video beamer, a large bed or a chill-out zone, at the
back theres a large, framed screen: it looks like a cinema screen or an oversized piece of
art. The screen shows pictures from the video camera and the internet surveillance
camera; there are frozen images on the screen. There could be more interior decoration
(furniture, i.e. the art of the everyday), cooking utensils, a few props, a book called False
Memories.
Characters
HE
SHE
both are around thirty.
THE VOICE OR THE VIDEO IMAGE OF A WOMAN JOURNALIST
between forty and fifty.

The two performers sometimes address the audience and sometimes talk to each other,
they perform for the camera or play an appropriate soundtrack underneath their
conversations. They are always conscious that they are being watched, but are able to
deal with this in a professional manner: they are used to the cameras and they seem very
authentic even in front of a camera. The space where they live is a kind of installation:
their one-bedroom flat was rebuilt in an art gallery. This exhibit has now been moved to
our theatre and the performers function as living works of art. There are surveillance
cameras that feed each of their movements directly to the internet; the performers decide
which pictures are displayed on the screen in their flat. In addition, they have a small
portable camera they can use to film themselves. Their lives are a constant performance.
Especially the moments when they break down, are no longer perfect, are popular with
the internet/art gallery camera team, and they are aware of this.
At the beginning, the two performers are relaxing on a bed or a large sofa. They are
listening to music and watching as the audience takes its seats, or they are setting up
their props, having a last sip of water or having a drink before their show begins. When
the audience is seated, HE begins to speak. SHE listens.

HE
Others will have to speak for me, I cant, hm, yes, other characters that I
create and give voice to and send out into the world who of course are all me or people I
know or people Ive heard about or read about, well, I think that really all of it is my
story, this track for example, thats actually Goldie, and he wrote it as an act of
reconciliation for his mother who of course he never really got along with, theres a
helpless mother and a destructive- or an indifferent- father and underneath there are the
sounds from a night I once spent in a hotel in Death Valley in California, the window was
open, I sampled the sounds and put them under the track, its my sound-diary, I
remember the exact time and date and what everything felt like, the smell of the desert at
night, the slow movement of palm trees in front of my window, there were seventeen
palm trees in that town, no one was awake except me, I sensed how far away I was from
everything and I wanted to take that feeling with me, into the clubs when I was playing
my records, I sensed how I was slowly becoming one with the music in my head on this
trip, how I was beginning to dream about the computer graphics of my music tracks, even
during the day I could see the sine waves of my music in the Death Valley dunes, and I
wanted to keep hold of that feeling so I mixed those sounds on my album.
This bit here for example only exists because the frequencies I put on the track
cancel each other out. We cant hear the stuff I actually recorded. The stuff we hear exists
because the different samples fight each other and cancel each other out for split seconds.
So the music we hear is a trick, it doesnt exist, its purely virtual, its created by the
constant fight of the actual tracks, by the cancelling-out of frequencies, by brain overload.
That night someone was shot in the Valley and my window was wide open and
there was a Tex-Mex remake of Tarantino on tv so you couldnt tell the difference
between the real shot and the Tex-Mex shot, everyone that hears the track thinks its a
sound I copied off the tv but someone really had to die for this sound, this is a real sound
someone had to die for, there was a lot of blood running through the desert sand in order
for this shot to sound this fucking rich in our ears. laughs.

Later I gave the creator of this sound, my co-producer so to speak, a ride for a couple
of days, he was Mexican, he didnt speak a word of English, hed had problems with a
colleague, I understood that much, and the conversations we had in the car and the
silence in between that sometimes went on for hours, I recorded that too and put it under
the whole track, two men who talk but only understand each other for split seconds: hot
and I point at the sun, yeah, yeah, hot and he wipes the sweat from his brow, then
silence. Nobody and he points at the empty landscape. You killed them all? I say and
he screams with laughter, snorts, coughs, chokes and then threatens me: dont tell,
amigo!
I had fixed a high eight camera to my car and spent hours filming the desert, the minimal
movement of landscapes, I often let that flicker across the screens in the clubs where I
DJ distance, generosity: you change slowly, theres no rush, it takes time to come into
bloom, there are calm, flowing transitions, for a long time theres nothing then slowly a
new colour comes into the landscape like a new beat that quietly fades in on a side track,
I think God loves deserts, God is a DJ and he's proud of his quiet, calm, slow landscapes
and his ambient spaces that blend into each other at high speed here in my car, sounds
that give people peace and quiet, spaces, wide, flowing spaces, pleasant.
The next morning I picked up a girl from Venice, she walked up to me at a petrol station,
she was stoned and asked if I needed a private dancer, if I was looking for some private
entertainment- but just dancing, no sex, I thought Id better get her off the streets because
she told me she was on the road, on her way to Las Vegas, that she was living off what
the truck drivers paid her for her little performances until she arrived somewhere, maybe
at a nightclub where she could dance and sing too and then, well we stopped in the
middle of the desert and I turned up the radio: She makes me wanna die by Tricky, and
she did a kind of expressive snake-dance- it was great- and she sang. We had plenty of
water and I still had a couple of Es so we danced for twelve hours straight two miles off
the highway- from sunset to sunrise, it was great, we danced to Goldies Mother, that
had just come out- Saturn Returnz- and its just beautiful- its like drowning in wavesall those colours and the desert, especially Death Valley, which is beautiful, its the right
place for it, the dunes are like giant painters palettes, like giant video screens that frame
our story, and the girl - she was called Sandra - she listened to Goldie for the first time in
her life, she was totally into Old School, Blues, Freejazz and James Brown, and she said
you cant leave the seventies because its too dangerous to leave those safe seventies
guitar riffs, its too dangerous to cross the eighties on your way to the nineties: if you get
stuck in the eighties youre lost, youre stuck on the surface and you cant go back down.
Lots of my friends got lost in the eighties on their way to the nineties and now they cant
get out- its hell. -and she told me she wanted to start a penguin farm in Alaska together
with a couple of cool Eskimos, shed seen an Eskimo documentary on tv and she really
got off on their sunglasses and their wisdom and the fact that they have two hundred
different words for snow, someone had given her baby racing dogs, six of them, little
puppies, she carried them with her in a box, and she was going to take them to Alaska
with her so they could catch penguins for her, but before that she wanted to stop off in
Vegas to go gambling and win some money. Thats why she had left Venice Beach for

the desert- 'once youve crossed the desert youre going to find gold, she said, and
theres gold in Vegas -and then she fetched the box with the racing dogs and took a
hamburger out of a wrinkled, greasy Kentucky Fried Chicken bag and fed the puppies,
they were confused by our wide-open eyes. 'This is Jimmy Dean,' she said and pointed at
the nosy little things in the box, this is Elvis, this is River Phoenix, this is Bruce Lee, this
is the Artist Formerly Known As Prince and I havent got a name for this one yet. The
sun rose and we listened to Bjrks All is full of love and it was fabulous, listen up now,
Im going to play the beginning, yes, and we listened to it about fifty times on repeat, it
took three hours and twenty-seven minutes- three hours and twenty-seven minutes of All
is full of love by Bjrk- then, well we drove on there was no one in Death Valley but
us - she was lying across the front seat of the car whispering quietly, calmly: All is full
of love again and again, and slowly all her energy left her body, the E was disappearing
and her body needed rest, it wanted to cool down, to chill, and she slowly said: I think
Madonna is Madonna, I mean, Madonna is really Madonna, the Madonna, the BibleMadonna, the real Madonna, the Mother-of-God-Madonna, and shes going to give birth
to the Messiah, Lourdes is going to save the world, I think, yes, Jesus has been reborn as
a girl, as Madonnas child, and shes going to make everyone happy, a young girl whos
drunk Madonnas milk, shes going to explain Madonnas message and mission to the
world. Shes undergone all these changes for us, shes embodied the contradictions of the
new Millennium for us: fast cuts, great emotions, high quality pictures, she is fractured
authenticity, fractured yet authentic, splintered yet one, a soul complete in itself that can
flow into all of us, more people in the world know her songs than Christian church
songs. Then she fell asleep.
In Pine Tree Springs we lay down under the only palm trees in Death Valley and slept
while next to us the tourists - mostly pensioners from Florida and a few Germans and
Frenchmen - had breakfast, lunch, dinner, then there was another sunset, I woke up, she
was gone, unfortunately so was my money, my credit card, my passport, it was all pretty
shitty- oh right, the reason Im telling you this, hm, yes, Goldie, Goldie lost his best
friend and co-producer and then, after he had become the greatest drum and bass- star
ever, the icon, God, he didnt do anything for four years, just lived in an old factory
building in London and was pretty down the whole time, on the surface not much
happened but he was on this inner trip, he went deeper and deeper, somehow he went
further and further while he was lying there on his bed doing nothing, just staring at the
wall and into childhood, he had been adopted, further back, fear, and dejection, all the
way, deeper and deeper, and of course he arrived at his mother, suddenly, at age thirtyfour, he somehow made this connection with his mother or created his own mother, Im
not sure, he found such a deep feeling of trust, such basic happiness and security- here in
this world, away from all this chaos and division- this unity, Im not sure what to call ithe was as happy as a child because he was safe and hadnt been betrayed- and he forgave
his mother and you feel it when you listen to that record: its unique, grown up and
childish, its a work of art, its not just a song, its an oeuvre, to be able to forgive your
mother for not being there for you because she was too fucked up to be a mother and had
a child by mistake- if you have a mother like that, a mother whos actually a total loser,
who doesnt love you, who doesnt want you, who picks up men and keeps getting
disappointed- its a nightmare, you dont have a point of reference, you dont trust

anyone, you hate men and women, every man is your loser mothers fucking lover, every
woman is an evil slut, helpless, dependent on shitty men, well, incapable men, a woman
who suddenly in some hospital has a nurse come up to her and hand her a child and she
doesnt even know what it is, what to do with it, she keeps putting it down somewhere,
drops it, loses it in the Supermarket, leaves it on the underground, would like to rip it
apart and throw it into a bin or put it in a microwave to see what happens but hasnt got
the guts, then she cuddles it for weeks when shes frustrated because she suddenly needs
something to hold on to when some guy walks out on her, its awful, anyway, well, this
music is like the embrace you never got, its like silence, quiet, like someone listening
and holding you, I think, yes, someone travelled through fear and chaos for years and
found something very beautiful, combined a few things: the sounds you hear when youre
in the womb, sunset, sunrise Sandra was raped and strangled by one of those truck
drivers and suddenly the police was looking for me because they found my passport and
credit cards at the scene of the crime, I was arrested, spent two nights in jail, no one
believed my story, I had spent two weeks cruising through Death Valley, only madmen
do that in America, only people that eat little children or rape grannies, a cop kicked me
right in the balls three times when the police stopped me at gunpoint on the highway
between Lone Pine and Los Angeles: Sandra was only sixteen, nightmare nightmare
nightmare, the truck driver was on tv three days later, hed gotten drunk and spilled the
beans, hed been sitting in a bar telling the other truck drivers that young girls really got
off on him, that they would scream their heads off when they saw his dick and shit. When
they found his fingerprints on her neck he said: she asked him to do it, she promised him
five hundred dollars and a MasterCard, my money and my card, he was to strangle her,
she wanted to feel what it was like to be close to death, to be gone for a minute and then
come back, he was to strangle her till she was gone and then let go at once and somehow
resuscitate her and he tried, but she just didnt come back.
The truck driver had to give me my money and I drove back to Death Valley and found a
deserted miners colony, Darwin City of Fallen Angels - collapsed, deserted prefabricated
houses. When I was a child I lived in a prefab house too, with my unfortunately
emotionally fucked-up parents who, as soon as they got some money, wanted to have one
of those instant model houses built. You buy a catalogue, call them, place an order and
three days later the whole house is there, ready, and theyve built you a new existence. In
Darwin City of Fallen Angels I took my mattress from the boot, kicked in a few doors
and camped in one of the old prefab houses, in a room with large windows that looked
out over a huge dune: a dune that looked like a giant brown heap of dust. It was probably
the only place in the whole Valley that was ugly but it was deserted and quiet, no one
ever came here. In the distance was a single dusty road and there was one car every three
days. Thats where I lay down on the mattress, I had water to last me a couple of weeks,
tinned food as well, I needed quiet, I just had to sort out a few things, lie down quietly,
calm down and look at a straightforward landscape, one that doesnt change completely
every two seconds at the click of a button. My movements slowed down and I started
thinking. I ended up staying four months. Sounds in my head, pictures, music. Yes, I
think thats where these things came from, because when youre away from the baggage
of hierarchies, chaotic events and life-changes that the people you usually spend time
with always carry with them, you suddenly flow, you turn into all those people, you flow,

youre no longer a fixed shape, you turn into the headline on a newspaper that got left
behind next to your mattress, or the car that drives by in the distance, or the sun that
burns down on these monster dunes, everything flows, everything makes sounds, slowly,
very very slowly, and theres no danger. The outside is no longer a source of danger, you
flow past the danger.
When you chill your body gets calm and youre no longer afraid. Youre no longer afraid
because youve already crashed, your breakdown is no longer ahead of you, youre
someplace calm and clear, you dont have to run any more, you can move without
running away. But youre not empty, no, your stories and all the stories youve heard and
seen flow through you, reconfigure in you and it doesnt matter whether you really
experienced them or just thought youd experienced them, suddenly that makes no
difference anymore and thats nice, very very nice.
SHE
Is that me?
HE
What?
SHE
Is that supposed to be me, the girl, the fucked-up girl?
HE
Maybe
SHE
We met on a - er whats it called - symposium, on the subject of Excess or
something? Orgies and Loneliness, it was about stepping out of yourself, about
starting to flow, to crash, something like that, yes
HE
Exactly, Excessive Subjectivity, The End of Definition or something
SHE
Yes, he was presenting his new record
HE
She was presenting her new film
SHE
Art project.
HE
Short film
SHE

The End of Fiction: The New Radical Reality

HE
And I had to interview her about her new film
SHE
And we got close
HE
And we fell in love
SHE
First there was a long panel discussion
HE
Yes, Politics and Me
SHE
Exactly. What is German?. What is Europe? Is there a European culture?, What is
the Millennium doing to us?, Young artists caught between radicalism, marketing and
conformity
HE
At the time she was known as a tv presenter
SHE
VJ
HE
Had her own programme
SHE
Thats right: top ratings, mega hype.
HE
Well, for three months
SHE
Fuck you!
HE
Why, its true!
SHE
Maybe you remember me? Some of you? No, no one? Its not that long ago
Pause

HE
Two years is a long time these days.
SHE
Okay, Ill drop it
HE
Yes
SHE
All I had to do was talk
HE
Talk, talk, talk
SHE
About whatever came into mind, just like that
HE
And you could win t-shirts with her face on them
SHE
Or a holiday with me, or a watch
HE
Her face in neon
SHE
An alarm clock with my voice to wake you up in the morning
HE
To slowly seep into your dreams
SHE
I had my own tamagochi
HE
And you could beat her, play with her or starve her
SHE
A gameboy just about me
HE
And you had to talk against her

10

SHE
Or run after me
HE
And when you caught her you could kiss her
SHE
Or kind of cuddle me
HE
Yes, its a long time ago
SHE
Yes, I was on tv every day
HE
Worked hard
SHE
I always work hard
HE
Sure
SHE
My whole life is hard work
HE
Sure, go on
SHE
I was sort of a crash test dummy, I was in the studio and all I had to do was talk
and they taped me and showed me live and uncut on tv, I talked as much as I could,
everything I could think of, everything everything everything, afterwards I didnt have
any friends, my family had cut all ties, no one wanted to talk to me any more, no one
could bear to hear my voice, once I got going you couldnt stop me. I sounded a bit like
this:
SHE demonstrates how SHE presented the show:
Hello, hello, yes, well, and?, Now?, whats next? Yes? Hmmm? Hmmmmmm?
Hmmmmmmm? Everyone have a guess, everyone think for a second, yes, hmm,
hmmmm? A video maybe? Correct! One hundred thousand Euros! Yes, super-duper,
wicked, great great great, er, Ive just remembered, er, yes, Ive got a hamster called
Elvis and he really knows how to dance and Ive got two fish called Milli Vanilli,
theyre still young and fit and in the morning, when they wake up, I always shout:
work-out time, guys!, and then I stir the aquarium and they have to swim really
fast, yes, and if youre really nice you can send me a fax and Ill read it out,

11

yes, and you might get really famous because everyone knows you and thinks: yes,
cool, hes the one that always sends those cool faxes to the studio, wow. By the way:
watch out for embarrassing people, embarrassing people are not cool and theyre also
dangerous, I once had this roommate, he was called Robin and he always hung around
like a nerd at the cool peoples parties although he wasnt even invited, everyone thought
he was shit, no one wanted to talk to him, so of course he ended up as a critic at some
paper in order to get revenge, yes, nightmare, very dangerous, now he writes about
everyone or he asks them for interviews, well, still embarrassing, but embarrassing and
powerful. And thats dangerous. Well I think creative people just dont go to work for
newspapers, well, I think creative people only go to a newspaper to give an interview or
to drop off a photo, yes, they dont write, they get written about.
to the audience in the theatre: Hey you, hello, hello, you dont look very inspiring, you
look like nothing. I mean, well, you dont exactly look like a popstar. Or is the new
Robbie Williams here somewhere? I dont think so. All you have to do is turn on the right
channel and watch the real stars to see how its done: how you become a cult figure, how
you sell yourself. How you do it. Didnt your mummy tell you? Havent you experienced
anything in your, er, what do you call it- life? Hey, whats up, dont lose heart, mummys
coming in a minute and then you can win something, a holiday maybe? A teapot? Twenty
thousand Euros? Or half a minute on tv? Then you can stand here for at least a minute,
or rather for twelve seconds, in between two adbreaks, and say and do everything youve
always wanted to say and do, yes, cool, oh by the way: God is dead, its a shame really,
but Faithless rediscovered him last night at the club: hes a DJ tonight.
And then he appeared
HE
I had to play the video
SHE
God is a DJ
HE
I was in the studio to help out because a computer had broken down and they
needed a technician who could do it by hand, it was a job from the temping agency
SHE
Suddenly there was a human being in the studio
HE
I thought: What kind of a woman is that?
SHE
I watched him through the glass window while God is a DJ was playing but his face
never moved, he stayed calm, didnt smile, didnt say a word, was silent
HE
I thought: Keep your distance. We were the only ones in the studio, a huge studio

12

SHE
Twelve floors, long corridors
HE
Glass windows
SHE
Chrome
HE
No one but us
SHE
Just the cameras
HE
She was covered in wires, she looked like an alien
SHE
When they played a video I couldnt even hear the music. It was completely quiet in my
box
HE
I just had to press a couple of buttons now and then and fade in some music or play a
videotape
SHE
And I just kept talking. Even while the video was playing you could see my face at the
top of the screen and hear my voice over the music
HE
She was just there
SHE
I was just there
HE
The whole time
SHE
Live and in colour
HE
Loud and fast, you couldnt escape

13

SHE
He didnt say anything, he just stood there, silent behind his glass window, he
juggled the videotapes and the cds and was quiet, it made me nervous, the camera
was running and I had to somehow pretend nothing was wrong, I had to keep talking.
It was the first time in three months that a real human being was watching me talk. I
had always been alone, didnt think much, just talked to myself and forgot that someone
was watching, it was a nightmare, I kept talking and said:
SHE starts to act out the situation again
People who say nothing, yes, I just thought of that, well, say nothing, yes, they exist,
they dont talk, stuff like that really makes me nervous, they just look at
you and give you knowing smiles. They dont say anything and then they pretend
silence is somehow the solution for everything even though you can say such beautiful
things about art for example or music or shopping or love, yes, if we were penguins wed
just stand around huddled up against each other, wed just stand there and get
warm, all of us, and be quiet, yes, and I think that would be really beautiful, really
beautiful, er, yes, maybe a bit too beautiful, who knows
By then Id been doing the job for three months. I mean Id talked for five hours every
day for three months, about whatever came to mind, Id talked myself empty in the
mornings and recovered in the evenings: watched tv, read the papers, called a couple of
friends to check out what was happening, what they were talking about, what was being
discussed, what was up, who was doing what to whom, who was wearing what and
suddenly this guy is staring at me
HE
Me
SHE
A technician, a cute little guy, suddenly I lost it, I couldnt say anything, nightmare, the
cameras kept running, they thought it was wicked: the little girl is quiet, the little girl is
getting nervous, unsure of herself, they actually showed me for three hours, I would start
to say something, break off, say something, gaze vacantly at the camera, say another
sentence and look at the floor, smile
HE
It was beautiful
SHE
It was awful
HE plays a video
HE
Her final show
SHE
It went on forever

14

HE
They just didnt turn off the cameras
SHE
They wanted to watch us
HE
Watch you, because thank God they couldnt see me
We see her on video. A close-up. The camera is very close to her face, SHE looks
totally tired, worn-out, confused, like shes been in a car accident, then shes clearheaded for a couple of moments
SHE/VIDEO
SHE talks along quietly, by now SHE knows it by heart, SHEs reenacting her own crash
My voice I hear everything in my head just before I say it while I say it and as an
echo one tenth of a second after Ive said it all I see is me all those little
fragments race around like mad and suddenly group together for a few seconds, form
a visible shape and disappear again, I I see... I hear myself talk I watch
myself Im my own trial audience... them and me I keep racing towards this wall but
nothing happens, I dont feel hurt, theres no blood, my movements are cushioned
theyre watching me, taking notes improving, perfecting Im being created Im
being created, Im coming into being, slowly turning into the picture theyve drawn, Im
slowly becoming identical to the trailer that advertises my show every evening
SHE
That was at about five am, Id spent fourteen hours in the studio by then and made
loads of money but my brain, oh God
SHE plays a record: floating, sick ambient sounds on top of each other, there is no
recognizable rhythm.
This SHEs referring to the music is what the movement in my head was like, listen: sick,
everything on top of each other, faltering, everything slowly gets distorted, almost
motionless, floating, flowing, neither up nor down, neither right nor left, youre moving
but youre not going anywhere, youre like fern, like a plant, youre listening to the wind,
exhausted, drifting in every direction, doesnt matter which one.
HE
A crash test dummy walks through the studio, it slowly hits the ground, bumps
into the cameras and the glass windows in slow motion.
SHE
Yes in a way, yes, they force you in front of a camera for three months and you
talk and talk and talk, then you feel how the energy is seeping out of you, how youre
getting drained, quietly, you hear yourself talk and you think: did I experience that or

15

hear about it or think about it or feel it or see it or dream it, you look around, see
yourself on a poster, open a newspaper and see yourself modelling something or standing
next to a car looking sexy or holding a hoover with your logo on it
HE
takes out a cup of coffee with her photo on it and has a sip.
Yes, well, then there was this press conference
SHE
Laughs
Yes
HE
In a hotel room. She was naked and lying on the floor, shed tied her wrists with a piece
of tape and was lying on the floor
SHE
Yes
HE
And didnt say a word for a full hour. Then the press conference was over
SHE
It was sort of a transition to my new life
The screen shows the picture from the surveillance camera: the flat and the two of them
HE
By the way, this, well, yes, this is where we live
SHE
Yes, this is where we live
HE
Cook, kiss, talk, sleep, listen to music
SHE
Have sex now and then
HE
And you can watch us
SHE
Exactly. This is our new project
HE

16

Were hooked up to the internet

SHE
Its an art gallery project
HE
Its a national art project
SHE
European
HE
International, man, international!
SHE
Heres a camera
HE
You can turn it on
SHE
And it shows us
HE
Wicked camera, wicked hook-up!
SHE
laughs, kisses him
Were on live transmission, they control us, feed us right in
HE
And the stuff they really like they show at the art gallery
SHE
Theyve given us a room
HE
Modern Forms of Life or something
SHE
Radical Subjects or something
HE
The End of Deconstruction or something
SHE

17

Nah, Beyond the End, I think. Beyond the End of Deconstruction, I think
HE
Cool!
SHE
Huge screen, our mattress was on display there once
HE
We had this mattress
SHE
They bought it and put it on display
HE
Now weve got this bed
SHE
Its a bit more posh
HE
Now and then we drop by as well
SHE
Lie on our old mattress and watch our videos
HE
Of us fighting
SHE
And making up
HE
They film everything
SHE
They show everything we do
HE
Us just hanging around
SHE
Or turning the turntable
HE
We were chosen

18

SHE
Yes, they picked us out somehow
HE
Yes, we were doing a gig
SHE
He was DJing and
HE
She was sampling videos
SHE
And talked over them or just danced
HE
Now we tape ourselves, just now and then, when we feel like it
SHE
Yes, weve made this deal so were not online the whole time
HE
Yes, they want us to be able to recover
SHE
To have a recovery period
HE
Privacy
SHE
To recharge
HE
We decide when we turn on the cameras
SHE
But were not allowed to fake anything
HE
Or they wont renew our contract
SHE
I have no problem with authenticy

19

HE
Neither do I
SHE
Naah, I have no problem with authenticy
HE
kisses her, she laughs
Authenticity
SHE
Are you for real?
HE
I think so
SHE
Doesnt matter
HE
Doesnt matter at all
SHE
They like it best when we dont do anything, when we just hang out
HE
When we chill and chat
SHE
Or when we cook. When we chat while we cook. Yes
HE
Do you want to cook something?
SHE
We get two hundred Euro for every video, for every half hour
HE
Just like that
SHE
And every time they show it at the art gallery we get another one hundred
HE
It all adds up

20

SHE
We spend it on records and new machines
HE
For our great big giant project
SHE
Our master plan
HE
The whole world as sound
SHE
Mixed by us
HE
Sampled
SHE
Chosen, isolated, reconstructed
HE
We listen to every sound that ever existed, assess it, deconstruct it
SHE
We feed the usable stuff into the computer
HE
And reconstruct it
SHE
Mix it with our own material
HE
The sine waves from every song that ever existed flickers across my
monitor
SHE
Beautiful landscapes
HE
I cut everything thats not necessary, I only keep the best stuff
SHE
The molecules, the smallest parts, the new particles of sound create our
new world order

21

HE
A new universe
SHE
A new sound
HE
A universe of sounds
SHE
The soundtrack of our lives
HE
The soundtrack of a new universe
SHE
The departure to a new world
HE
New sounds
SHE
A new space
HE
A new world order based on sound
SHE
That sets bodies in motion
HE
And makes your thoughts flow
SHE
Okay, thats it, work now, lets go, camera!
HE
Okay, okay, work, lets earn money, lets go: video!
SHE
Okay!
HE
Okay?

22

SHE
Ready!
HE
Okay
They choose a section of the room, She turns on the camera, they both run into the
picture, on the screen we can see the picture from the camera they control. Now and then
they check their appearance on the screen or take a close up of themselves. Theyre
acting like a young couple that needs to have a serious conversation, but they seem as
authentic as they did before, theyre no more acting than they were before, i.e. they
are completely credible in every role they adopt.
In front of the camera
SHE
Where have you been?
HE
Dont know. I went looking for something
SHE
You went looking for something. Aha
HE
I went looking for something
SHE
Well. And? Did you find it?
HE
Dont know.
SHE
You dont know
Pause
Looking for what - for three nights?
HE
I cant remember, I cant say
SHE
Looking for what - for three nights. And three days?
HE
I dont know, sorry

23

SHE
A battery for your phone maybe? Did it get wet or something? You werent able to call?
HE
I didnt have your number
SHE
You didnt have my number
HE
I didnt have anything
SHE
You didnt have anything
HE
I was all by myself
SHE
And you couldnt remember my number or something
HE
I was someplace else
SHE
And it didnt occur to you to try and find my number?
HE
Didnt work
SHE
To call someone to ask for my number because after all we live together, I think, it seems
like it, I think, it seemed, it seemed like that to me once, I think, yes, is it possible: you
and me?, is it possible?, I cant quite remember but its possible, yes, right?
HE
Nothing was working
SHE
Nothing was working?
HE
I was gone, really far gone, far far gone
SHE
And there were no phones?

24

HE
No
SHE
There werent any?
HE
No
SHE
No?
SHE kisses him
No?
HE
No
SHE
kisses him
No?
HE
No
SHE
And what was there?
HE
I dont know. Everything was different
SHE
Everything was different. Were you in space? Pause Were there extraterrestrials playing
really really strange records? Rare Traxx?
HE
No
SHE
Hm
HE
What?
Short pause, she checks the screen, zooms in on herself
Are you looking forward to it?

25

HE
To what?
SHE
To what?
HE
Yes, to what?
SHE
To the child
Pause
HE
Dont know
SHE
I see
Pause, SHE zooms even closer
Dont know
Pause
Okay, we short pause still have time
HE
How long?
SHE
Two weeks I think, then we have to decide
HE
Okay
HE walks towards the camera, his close-up freezes, HE turns off the camera, his picture
remains on the screen for a bit
Yes, like that. Then they send it by courier. To the art gallery. And they turn it into
something
Pause
SHE
Im really hungry now
HE
Yes
SHE
Cooking. We get three hundred for every half hour. Turn on the camera.

26

HE
Yes, in a minute
SHE
Say something about the music
HE
Hm? Yes
SHE
Yes, say something about the music
HE
Yes
SHE
Go on, tell them how it works. You see- its our music. We made it. Ourselves
HE
Yesyes
SHE
Go on then
HE
Yes short pause Surfaces, structures, everything moves slowly, becomes fuller, more
complex, familiar structures dissolve.
SHE
Complexity is a Trip
HE
Intellectualism is a Trip
SHE
A clear-headed Trip
HE
An intensive, clear-headed loss of ones self
SHE
Intelligent music
HE
Youre spaced out but you still know exactly whats happening

27

SHE
Tripping and thinking
HE
Flowing
SHE
Chilling
HE
Chilling and thinking
SHE
Checking out and chilling
HE
Chilling and checking out
SHE
Kiss me baby, youre so cool, so intelligent, so sexy
HE
I know
HE kisses her
Always made me sick actually, the way they treat techno, jungle, drum and bass.
Club culture: these days every idiot hires a DJ so he can be hip. Every dopehead has
a DJ standing next to him, accompanying him with a few beats. Its abusive, man.
Shit.
Theyre at every party congress, at every art gallery opening, soon therell even be one
sitting next to Trevor McDonald on the news.
SHE
They discovered me in a club too, behind the turntables, and then they dragged me
in front of the camera. Short pause Because of my hip lingo
HE
You really wanted to be famous
SHE
Fuck you
HE
But it didnt work at the first go
SHE
Fuck you

28

HE
Eh? Why, its true. I had to come and set you free first
SHE
Kiss me
HE
What?
SHE
Kiss me, come on: passion, now, come on
SHE takes the camera and chases him, she catches him, his face is huge on the screen,
her fingers are slowly choking him
I hear voices
Theyre telling me who I am
Theyre whispering
Take this boy
Take him far away
Hold onto him, dont let him go
Tie him up and cut him open
Eat him slowly
Piece by piece
Because hes sexy
HE
Stop it
SHE
Never let him go
Never let him go
HE
Yesyes
SHE
I want to have your child
HE frees himself
Honest
HE
Yes. Honest- nice word, what does it mean again?
SHE
Kiss me

29

HE
Shush. Be quiet.
SHE films herself and takes a few close-ups of herself. SHE looks at them on the
screen and assesses them while HE walks over to his DECKS-desk in order to put on his
headphones and to dive into his sounds. We see him fiddling with his equipment,
working on his music. There is soft music coming from his headphones
SHE
By the way, he just left me there
HE
What?
SHE
You just disappeared
HE
When, baby, when did I just disappear and leave you
SHE
In the studio. You just left me there when the camera was turned off
HE
Man, I was tired. And my shift had finished four hours ago. And somehow I
thought you were one of those dangerous insects, you looked like a giant killer
insect when they turned off the cameras, you looked ready to drive your poison sting into
anything that got within a couple of meters of you. And because I was the only living
creature in your range, I decided to escape
SHE
I had to walk home alone. And somehow I sensed: oh God, this is it. My
career was in serious jeopardy. Over. And then I didnt see him for over a year. Hed just
gone. Hed left. Hed just disappeared. I was so desperate I had to make a film. And now
Im famous again, thank God. Ive got my own column in Vogue and stuff. But this time
Im above it. Ive grown up. Vogue is fine, so is the Face, the Guardian, well, that too,
but Im cool now, say no to things and stuff. SHE freezes her picture, looks at it on the
screen. SHE laughs about her image and puts the camera away Turn the music up will
you
HE
Yes
Both of them listen
SHE
Nice
HE
30

Yes
SHE
That was our first joint project. This track. We made it together. Since then were
inseparable. Were one. Yes. One.
HE
Absolutely
SHE
Forever
HE
Sure, forever
SHE
One forever
HE
Yes, we were in the studio night and day. In the winter. Yes, it was winter. We were in
the studio the whole time, chilling together. It was beautiful
SHE
It was fucking wicked. We didnt sleep a wink
HE
For five days
SHE
We had a sofa to space out on for a minute
HE
Otherwise we were glued to the machines
SHE
Yeah
HE
The machines
SHE
The buttons
HE
Turn, twist. Twist, twist, turn

31

SHE
We just didnt want to sleep any more
HE
We waited for pictures
SHE
In our heads
HE
We waited for new thoughts
SHE
For something to happen in our tired heads
HE
I wrote down what she said
SHE
All these pictures, hmmm, its pleasant, hmmm, when my head explodes, hmmm, watch
out, I have to dive in for a minute and catch more pictures, hmmm, cerebral cortex,
hmmm, pleasant
HE
Okay, baby?
SHE
Ready!
HE
Okay, now performance, club culture, art: life is a text, off you go!
HE turns on the video, turns up the music, they get into chill-out positions and film their
faces, they talk softly into the microphones and their voices are amplified so they can be
heard over the music
Yes, it was winter
It was very cold indoors and outdoors and motionless and
It was as if someone had ripped out my soul and
SHE
And now Im watching myself
fear
HE
Or that the crash
SHE

32

Suddenly someone points at me and laughs: Shes a total wreck- And I start running, I
timidly ask tell me? What do I look like? Like shit?
HE
Someone is lying face down on the ground and says: I can tell you dont feel well. But it
doesnt matter. Itll be over in a minute
SHE
Cheerfulness beats fear
or do desperation and pure lust melt in order to crash somewhere
HE
Dont know
I had to move, dance, non-stop
dance really fast and desperate and
SHE
And and
HE
And when I calmed down there was a sound in my head
SHE
Different colours, like a crash, a hit, whats it called?, words are dissolving, how pleasant
HE
Its very, very pleasant anyway
SHE
To hit the ground slowly
SHE mixes a few discords into his music
HE
No, nothing in my head hit a wall
Blue and red were alternating:
SHE
The music dissolves, dissolved, whats it called?
HE
Im just there, by myself, stuck to a wall cool, tragic - or stuck to the
ground?
SHE
And my thoughts flow aimlessly through my body and through the room - as if they
want to tear out of me

33

through me
and then take me out with them
HE
I feel that its snowing inside of me
but its not a metaphor, its really true, Im certain of it
SHE
To hit the ground slowly, pleasant
HE runs to his machines and makes crash sounds, loud discords, hits, crashes. Both of
them enjoy the exploding soundtrack
SHE
Suddenly a car crashes into me. Theres a crash and someone helps me up and
says: its alright, nothings happened, I can hear you breathe
HE
Sex would be nice now
or to be honest, necessary
SHE
I need another body to crash into mine right now, to have a nice little accident,
get taken to the hospital together, get hooked up to the same drip, breathe together
weakly, that would be nice now
HE
But theres no one
SHE
So I crash into my own body
Blood everywhere, hmmm, really nice
HE
why is this planet turning so quickly?
SHE
I lie on the ground like an insect, my arms and legs are stuck
An interesting perspective
HE
Have to be quiet for a minute
SHE
This is not the body I was yesterday
HE

34

Hmmmmm, to slowly put yourself together again, to slowly build yourself up as

someone, something that can voice the feelings that run through-,
that run through you slowly, yes, yes slowly, run through you
SHE
No, this is not the body I was yesterday
HE
I feel that its snowing inside me and its not a metaphor, snow is falling inside me
and its pleasant, it cools me, takes the glow from my body, freezes my
wounds, soothes my longing for another body, puts it on ice for a while
The light changes
SHE
Thats art, man!
HE
Art!
SHE
Art
HE
Shit, girl, thats art
SHE
Rubbish, boy, thats life
HE
oh man, shit girl, tell me the difference and Ill give you the top prize
SHE
Stop it now
Short pause, they kiss
Okay, go on!
HE
What?
SHE
Talk, here, go on, tell stories, theatre
They set up their hotplate, fetch plates, pots, cutlery etc. The setting-up of these everyday
objects seems like a performance. They handle every object as if it is a work of art. For
them, getting ready to cook is a creative process. All the while they are having a normal,
everyday conversation
HE
35

The one about your parents living room?

SHE
No
HE
Shes got an exhibition on at the moment
SHE
just got something spacy on the road, hmmm, baby
HE
Shes put her parents bedroom furniture, coffeepot, sofa, Christmas cards and
family photos on display
SHE
Exactly. To be authentic in a fractured world
HE
Trash
SHE
Yes, trash, it makes all other categories redundant. Trash and cult
HE
By the way, suddenly she had a double
SHE
Yes, suddenly I had a double. She looked just like me. It was a nightmare
HE
One day we turned on the tv and saw a slag that looks exactly like my little one here
and
SHE
she partly said the same things as well. That really shocked me. She moved just like
me and said exactly the same things. Shed carefully studied and copied
me. Those were my lines, my life, Id come up with that, shed just taken my cult, my
image, shed even put on the clothes Id left behind at the station the night I crashed,
nightmare, well, I dont care
HE
You do care
SHE
I dont care anymore, man, Ive successfully completed therapy boy, Im completely

36

over it you know. At least Im not a child porn star that was retired off early. They
offered me a series yesterday. So Im not completely forgotten, right. They still want me.
But -now I dont want to
Short pause
HE
Go on, give statements, make comments: subject: new ways of life, to be radical,
young!
HE films her standing in front of the screen, SHE holds the microphone like a pop star,
sways in slow motion, we see her on the screen, multiplied into infinity
SHE
I think its about becoming immune to the onslaught of the media, about becoming
incomprehensible, elusive, to move, to surf, to really surf between the different identities
you invent, to take shape, different shapes, at irregular intervals Basically, to run away
in an intelligent fashion, to be faster, to build up new identities at any time and in any
place, to be fast, perfect, intelligent, to enter into new combinations like a molecule,
to be resistant to attack like a virus but still able to infiltrate any system without
getting recognized to sum up: to produce contradictions while you remain entertaining
HE
Sexy
SHE
There, that was my contribution, now lets cook, turn on the camera!
They turn on the camera and hold it while they are cooking. For a moment its a tv
cookery show, they cook a student fast-food dish like spaghetti with tomato sauce and
give elaborate explanations. Theyre like Richard and Judy when they talk about current
news like: the train crash at Paddington station
HE
Yes, first we look for the kitchen scissors that our roommates mum gave us as a
housewarming present
SHE
And then we cut the aluminium bag along the perforated line and while we do that we
find the remote control for the stereo among the dirty dishes left over from the last two
weeks and mix a few entertaining sounds on the sound track
HE
Yes, mind that the music you play while cooking doesnt contain too many negative
vibrations because it could affect the outcome of your cooking activities
SHE
On the other hand the music shouldnt be too light either

37

HE
Because in that case you dont get the right depth of flavour
SHE
Cooking is basically like sex
HE
Even if you try really hard it doesnt always work
SHE
Thats why you should be very gentle with each other
HE
Dont reproach your partner
SHE
Especially men can be very sensitive
HE
Well, there were a lot of dead bodies there, right?
SHE
What? Oh right, yeah, well, yeah
HE
Scary
SHE
Yes, now we place the pot with one and a half litres of slightly salted water on the
hotplate.
HE
There were children buried under the carriages and there were arms lying around
SHE
Torn-off legs and heads. There, scissors please
HE
The conductor stayed in his cockpit for two hours and wouldnt open the door, he was in
a state of complete shock. There, now we cut the plastic bag along the perforated line
SHE
And put the pasta in the boiling water
HE
We put the plastic bag into the recycling bin

38

SHE
What was it like for you: after all you lost your entire family in the accident?
HE
Yes, well, it was very tough for me. At the same time it was also a very impressive sight.
There, prepare the spices. Press the tomato paste from the aluminium bag and pour water
in the bag till it hits the mark, then pour it into the pot with the tomato paste, a teaspoon
of oil and the spices, stir and bring to the boil
SHE
You might want to add some parsley
HE
But you dont have to. Yes, it was like an oversized painting of a battle, I mean it was
impressive sound-wise as well: first the crash, then screams everywhere and the
ambulance sirens. In the end the paramedics could hardly get through, some of them
collapsed as soon as they saw the heaps of dead bodies and had to be taken away as well
SHE
Now we just wait for a bit. While were waiting we can talk about whatever we want
HE
Cooking is good for relationships. You can have a bit of good, clean fun together
SHE
Have a laugh
HE
Or chat about serious issues
SHE
About your relationship
HE
Address problems
SHE
Cooking relaxes
HE
Yes, like we said: were just waiting
They kiss in close-up and passionately caress each others faces with hands covered in
tomato sauce. They hold the camera between them and record everything
I love you

39

SHE
Shush
HE
I do I do I do
I love you
Come here
SHE
What?
HE takes the camera from her hand and puts it down
HE
Yes, come here a minute
SHE
What is it
HE
Come on now
SHE walks towards him
HE
embraces her, deliberately turns her away from the audience to signal intimacy,
kisses her again and whispers in her ear
I love you
Kiss me
Kiss me kiss me kiss me
Hmmmmm
He grabs the microphone thats close by and starts to perform
Tell me if you want me to take care of someone
If you want me to get rid of someone
Flatten him or something
Shoot him, beat him up
SHE
Yeah baby
HE
to the audience. Hes in the exact centre of the screen
I got a letter from my mother. Theyve upped the dosage
SHE
Yeahyeah
HE

40

Because otherwise she wouldnt stop talking. She talks nonstop, keeps saying
disconnected sentences. Its all therapy-speak. My mother was a carer for manic
depressive supervisors of psychotherapeutic co-op clinics close to Bath. Then she was in
a skiing accident. Her head smashed into a ski lift and ever since her brain keeps
talking without her
SHE
I thought your mother was a group therapist for Alzheimer-afflicted Steiner-school
pedagogues in the Rudolph-Steiner-Clinic in Brighton
HE
My mothers got bad Alzheimers as well now. She only makes sounds. Beep beep
Beep. My older sisters dying of AIDS, shes covered in tumours, and yesterday my
brother killed himself. He was only thirteen. Its all very difficult for me. My fathers got
cancer. Its terminal. He cant go to the toilet by himself. Tubes everywhere. He has to sit
in a wheelchair. My other sisters been in a wheelchair since she was a child. She was
born without arms and legs
SHE
And without eyes
HE
And without a nose
SHE
Without a mouth as well?
HE
Yes, and without ears
SHE
Well it seems to me like she wasnt born, ever. Yes, shows over!, your
mothers not ill at all, your fathers a picture of health and you dont have any brothers or
sisters so now play a record
HE
Im an only child, isnt that enough?
SHE
Play a record now!
HE
But I
SHE
Go on, play a record, lets have music: lets collect royalties!

41

HE starts to walk towards his decks, then stops

HE
Criticism
SHE
What?
HE
Criticism, what kind of a word is that
SHE
Criticism, yes, criticism, rebellion, provocation, resistance, hmm
HE
Revolution
SHE
Yes, thats a new photocopier, right?
HE
Yes
SHE
Young rebels
HE
Yeahyeah, radical
SHE
Radical, young, rebellious: the conservative party!
HE
Changes
SHE
New prospects
HE
God is a DJ
HE plays a record I walked through London with my head full of chaos and my heart
Full of fear
SHE
What?

42

HE
Thats the name of the record
SHE
I see
HE plays his new record while he fiddles with his sound- effect machines and enjoys his
own sounds, SHE prepares the food, arranges the half-cooked spaghetti on plates
and pours some tomato sauce over them.
HE
When I play my own records it all comes back to me: the world, history, my own
emotions and thoughts at the time, my whole life! The world as sound, my life as sound
SHE
Eat, darling
Darling, eat
HE
Cool yet emotional
SHE
Eat now, baby
HE
A new aggressive openness
SHE
Eat, bunny, hello!
HE
A radical openness
SHE
Darling thats enough
HE
Of course its based on a natural cool
SHE
Yeahyeah
HE
Yeah. I think: sure, cool is important, but cool always comes from the inside,
right?
SHE

43

Eat now
HE
I mean cool must be based on something, you cant just watch cool people to see how
they do it and then copy it, everyone has to develop their own way of being cool, not a
generalised cool, man, shit, damn, I can get really worked up about this, if
youre cool its rooted in biography, its no use watching hip hoppers from the Bronx
and trying to be like them, man, shit, you can only be cool if its inside you,
its the most intimate thing in the world, damn, shit man, being open means being radical,
were living in the era of post-cool anyway.
SHE
Come on darling, eat
HE
The birth of the After-Cool
SHE
Eat
HE
Beyond cool. When we have transcended all forms of cool we arrive at a new
kind of openness, a radical openness, but of course none of them gets that, shit, man!
SHE
The worlds not fair
HE
The worlds mad and unfair my angel and were going to blow it up
SHE
Exactly, and now: eat!
HE
But I
SHE
Stop it now: eat!
HE
But
SHE
Stop it!
HE approaches her dinner arrangement

44

HE
Hmmmm, lovely. What is it?
SHE
Go on, try it.
HE
tries it, laughs No idea
SHE
Its a pretty innovative meal
HE
Its beyond what we can grasp aesthetically
SHE
Post-graspable
HE
Beyond definitions
SHE
Beyond identification
HE
And it flows
SHE
Youre so sexy
HE
Thank you
SHE
So damn sexy
HE
Thank you, thank you
SHE points the camera at his knee, which happens to be bare. SHE takes a close-up of
his knee
SHE
Doesnt he have a great body?
Show us

45

HE
Leave me alone
SHE
Show us, go on: Show your body, be erotic!
HE
Leave me alone
SHE
Im not going to leave you alone
You belong to me!
Take off your shirt, go on, Im really into your kind of body: fit but with a few flaws, soft
skin, a few blemishes, not too many muscles, not too sweet but not macho either, a
smooth intelligent body, masculine and sensitive, thats sexy. Men who can think and are
hot in bed and are able to cry when theyre hurt and who really understand what women
are talking about and dont just pretend but who also tell you to shut up when you get
hysterical and obsessed with some problem, thats really sexy
Have you ever slept with a man?
HE
Drop it will you
SHE
No Im serious, have you?
HE
Let me eat!
SHE
Baby!
HE
I want to eat now
SHE hassles him with the camera
Have you ever slept with a man?
HE
Sure
SHE
And?
HE
It was an experience, it was really interesting, it was kind of different, good too, not

46

bad, no, it was okay, I wouldnt want to do it every day but it was pleasant
SHE
And, do you want to do it again
HE
Sure, at some point
SHE
Do you want me to have your child?
HE
Sure
SHE
Do you want us to have group sex?
HE
Sure
SHE
With loads of men?
HE
Yes, and women too, we can have women too
SHE
On camera?
HE
Yes, well, dont know, yes?
SHE picks up the camera and walks over to him, fiddles with him, pulls off his t-shirt.
The camera angles and frames become weirdly pornographic
SHE
Here, this is what I mean, this lovely skin, so real, such a hmmm real body. I had a
boyfriend once that did two hours of weight-lifting every day. When we had sex I felt
like an extra in a porn film- I was lying under the lead actor and I was lifted into a variety
of sporty positions. I was never sure he hadnt hidden a camera somewhere in the room
and sold the tapes. He was so perfect and so flawless it was a nightmare. And I felt like I
was a machine he needed for working his biceps or his hip joints
HE
You never told me that, baby
SHE

47

A woman cant reveal everything, baby

HE hassles her with the camera
My poor baby, do you want me to avenge you? Do you want me to shoot him? To cut off
his balls and make him eat them?
SHE
Its alright, Im over it. Ive become immune against it all, dont worry. Will you play
another record, baby?
HE
Can I put my t-shirt back on?
SHE
No
HE
But I want to put my t-shirt back on
SHE
No
They fight over his t-shirt, it gets increasingly violent, in the end HE wins and holds her
captured for a while
How we met
HE
Yeah
SHE
Talked to each other for the first time
HE
Yeah
SHE
Got close for the first time
HE
No glass window between us, no camera
SHE
Exactly, so
HE
Yes, go on, tell us!

48

SHE
Youd taken your new record to this festival
HE
Beyond borders or something
SHE
Man beyond rebellion
HE
Drugs and reality
SHE
Pornography and real emotion
HE
Exactly, I was meant to interview her
SHE
He did an interview with me
HE
I had to ask her questions
SHE
He was cool and young and vulnerable
HE
Im still young and vulnerable
SHE
Yes but then you were unsure of yourself and vulnerable
HE
My first interview
SHE
The idea with the festival was that artists would interview each other
HE
Modern ways of life beyond being made palatable through the media or something
SHE
Exactly, it wasnt called art anymore but lifeforms
HE

49

It was too complex to be mentioned in the papers

SHE
Goes beyond whats taught in journalism school
HE
I hate journalists
SHE
Oh, hate? Nah, dont know, its just a shame theyre all so dumb
HE
Anyway, so I grab my tape recorder
SHE
He says hello
HE
Hi
SHE
Hi
HE
Yeah, hmm, hello, well
SHE
That things not working
HE
What?
SHE
That things not working is it
HE
Er, I checked this stupid thing, sorry, hang on, er
SHE
Want mine?
HE
Yes, the festival had given all of us these tape recorders because we were meant to
interview, question and interrogate each other for several days
SHE

50

Opposite worlds
HE
New ideas of reality
SHE
We were all award-winners
HE
We were all rising stars in our fields
SHE
Wed all had our profile in the paper
HE
In Cosmo, the Guardian, Vogue
SHE
The more off-beat the better
HE
There was a kind of competition
SHE
Yes, somehow it was coolest if you made it into New Woman, and of course the New
Statesman got you respect.
HE
Though that depended on which editor was in charge
SHE
Yes, if it was one of those that pull a new megastar from the gutter every week then you
just got a tired smile and zero respect
HE
Yes, Wallpaper meant the highest respect and I think Shape meant the highest
strangeness score
SHE
Yes, and Homes and Gardens
HE
Yes, whoever had an interview in Homes and Gardens
SHE
Was toasted

51

HE
Was super cool
SHE
Okay, the machine doesnt work man, heres mine
HE
We still have neutral feelings about each other
SHE
Yeah, I still think aha, there he is again, the cute little technician, he looks appetizing but
he might be dumb and that would be shit for my image laughs
HE
Aha, so there she is, the new radical artist risen from the ruins of her lost tv career.
Looks pretty cute but might be a bit sick, likes to score young boys and stuff
SHE
Im going to get him
HE
Im going to let her talk
SHE
Okay?
HE
Okay
SHE
Ready!
They act out the interview, the moment HE fell in love with her
HE
Tell me
SHE
What?
HE
Whats with the all-night petrol station?
SHE
Er, what?

52

HE
Well, in your new film. Before the opening credits we spend ten minutes watching this,
well, young man wearing a cap who, I have to say, has a fairly interesting spaced-out
face that he keeps bashing against the window of an all-night petrol station while he
keeps asking the all-night petrol station attendant
SHE
Er, what?
HE
Well, hes asking the all-night petrol station attendant, er, to kind of, sort of, hes saying
that, er
SHE
Oh right
HE
Exactly
SHE
What?
HE
Yes, I thought that was pretty moving but also laying it on a but thick because you spend
several minutes showing him falling down and trying to pull himself up on a pump and
then sliding down again, so we see his attempts to pull himself up and then hes bashing
his head against the glass window accompanied by a kind of fuzzily floating music.
SHE
Yes, hes longing for another body
HE
Oh right, yes, and at the same time
SHE
A car crashes in to the petrol station behind him, in slow motion, and body parts fly
through the air
HE
Yes
SHE
Yes
HE
Yes, and while the petrol station attendants brain has spread all over the pump

53

because its been ripped open by countless splinters in his forehead from the impact
of a female upper body thats been hurled against the window of the shop, the young man
is still sliding: very slowly, very focussed, almost like a bleeding insect whose inner
armour has been blown up
SHE briefly interrupts him
Insects dont bleed
HE
What? Oh right, well, okay, and that is now slowly being drained but is still fighting
death, he keeps dragging itself up the pump
SHE interrupts him again
Theyre full of slime
HE
What? Oh right, yes, interesting, so, he falls, pulls himself up again, falls, fights his way
back up and at the same time he keeps asking the all-night petrol station attendant er,
well, thingy, I mean, if they thingy something, I mean, er, eh, its all very obvious
somehow, right? No?
SHE
No
HE
No?
SHE
No, obvious? No
HE
Yes, but he keeps sliding up and down the pump next to the cash desk while this female
body melts into the inventory of the all-night shop behind him
SHE
Yes?
HE
And he keeps saying
SHE
Please kiss me, fuck me
HE
Er, he slides down

54

SHE
Touch me, do something to me no matter what, whatever you want, no matter what but
please touch me
HE
He pulls himself up slowly, falls, the blood seeps from his head, behind him is the most
awful devastation
SHE
Yes, we filmed it in Yugoslavia
HE
And then, in a close-up, he whispers very very slowly, I think that shot is another five
minutes so that time really does dissolve
SHE
Touch me, I need another body I can crash into tonight, I need some more injuries, Im
looking for a partner in accident
HE
Yes, and you play this young man
SHE
Yes
HE
And its the first time for ages that you appear in public
SHE
Yes
HE
Bleeding, sliding down a pillar, holding on in vain, accidents happening behind you,
people crashing against walls, burning, the screams blend into a kind of music, then there
are lots of close-ups of the young man, i.e. of you, who can hardly speak anymore
SHE
Yes
HE
Yes, and then you show yourself for a total of fifteen minutes, as a man, slowly sliding up
and down the pump and tearing your skin until blood pours out of you and theres not
much left of your body
SHE
Yes

55

HE
And you get passers-by to hit you
SHE
Yes
HE
And spit at you
SHE
Yes
HE
And also, I think, to rape you
SHE
Well, yes
short pause
HE
And you keep smashing your head against the window again and again, almost
rhythmically, until lots of blood seeps out of your head too, To tear oneself up- is that
what its about?, To injure yourself- could I say that its about that?, could I say that?
While all around you body parts and the contents of the petrol station are
SHE
Yes
HE
Melting into each other and, er, yes
SHE
Yes what?
HE
Im just asking
SHE
Asking what?
HE
Im just asking
SHE
What are you asking?

56

HE
Nothing
SHE
Nothing
HE
It all looks pretty real
SHE
Yes
HE
Not like special effects
SHE
Naah
HE
Who were the passers-by?
SHE
Well, just passers-by, people that walked past during the shoot
HE
Yes
SHE
Yes
HE
And they just went along with it
SHE
Well it wasnt easy but yes, they went along with it
HE
Yes
SHE
They had to go along with it. They didnt have a choice
HE
Oh right

57

SHE
Yes
HE
Good
SHE
Yes
HE
Yes, and then theres a flashback
SHE
Yes
HE
A tv explodes, an elderly man is sitting on a leather-style sofa in front of the tv
and his face is blown away by the shards and it melts into the picture, a young woman
enters from the back carrying a baseball bat and it hits the remains of the twitching man
who was her father, the mans wife is lying on the sofa and she calls out in shock when
she realizes that the young woman, i.e. you, is her daughter, she tries to escape - starts to
crawl away in a panic but the young woman, i.e. you, stops her, the baseball bat muffles
her screams and her brain spreads out over the sofa, the young woman, i.e. you, bends
over the older woman and well, how do I put it, she starts to sort of have sexual
intercourse with the bleeding corpse
SHE
No, shes still alive
HE
She kisses her while she penetrates her, I mean, er, the daughter penetrates her mother
and er, and then smashes her mothers head against the floor until her mother stops
moving and doesnt fight back and you quietly sing Goodbye to a perfect world
SHE
See you in a perfect world
HE
Yes
SHE
Yes
short pause
HE
There are lots of explosions going on there

58

SHE
What? Well
HE
The mother is played by your real mother and you cut back to her empty eyes for a
bit at the end of the film
SHE
Yes, the slow bleeding to death of the raped mother and the search for another body
at the all-night petrol station kind of run parallel to each other
HE
They have a logical connection, one provokes the other?
SHE
Dont know
HE
What does it feel like to first bash your parents brains out with a baseball bat and then
rape them
SHE
Well she doesnt rape the father, just the mother
HE
Yes
SHE
Well, its a very special feeling
HE
Yes
SHE
For both of us
HE
Yes
SHE
Adds something to the relationship
HE
Yes
Pause

59

SHE
Yes, it was an attempt to work with my parents
HE
I see
SHE
Anything else?
HE
Yes
Pause
SHE
What?
HE
Well, I mean youre not really an actress and neither are your parents
SHE
No?
HE
Are you?
SHE
Dont know. What is that: an actress?
HE
Kiss me
SHE
Yes
HE
Sleep with me
SHE
Yes
HE
What are you into?
SHE
Everything

60

HE
Everything?
SHE
Absolutely everything
Pause
HE
Okay, everything
SHE kisses him very tenderly, very very gently, then turns on the camera, pulls him to the
ground and kisses him. SHE films the kissing, which gets more and more rough. It
looks like SHE wants to bite him and tear him apart. HE doesnt fight back but now and
then he tries to get his face close to the camera. They fight over the best close-ups. SHE
releases him, looks into the camera and says:
SHE
Not bad, not bad, not so bad, naah, not so shitty
SHE kisses him again. HE pulls away
HE
The interview went on
SHE
Exactly
HE
With this woman
SHE
Play it
HE
Yes, this woman from the radio
SHE
Of course the film was a huge success
HE
Was shown at all the festivals
SHE
A festival hit
HE
She won a directing award

61

SHE
From Surrey
HE
Yes, theyve still got money!
SHE
Everyone won some kind of directing award at the festival. It wasnt cool.
For some reason there was a press conference. With people whod won directing
awards. In various categories
HE
All of them were under thirty
SHE
Mine was
HE
The womens category
SHE
Fuck you!
HE
Well it was. It was a womens award
SHE
So what
HE
Okay, ready?
SHE
Ready!
HE
Heres our favourite interview, Im sure that womans in art now too
SHE
Shreds stuffed dolls
HE
Covers her hamster in ketchup or something

62

HE plays the tape with the interview. A videotape or an audio cassette. They enjoy the
interview like theyd enjoy a good comedy show. We watch or listen to a woman
journalist who tries to ask her about her film
INTERVIEWER
Yes, could I say that you want to experience something, that you create situations
that take your behaviour and your emotions to the edge of what can be explained, i.e. to
an area where no one can follow, I mean, where, I mean, where something happens
to you that, I mean, can I put it like that?
SHE/TAPE
Yes. You can put it like that. As well. Yes
INTERVIEWER
Is it about, I dont know, is it about, can I put it like this, is it also about - about
crashes that free energy and that liberate human beings from structures, yes? Can I put
it like this: that these people you show, or rather portray yourself as, or rather are, I
mean, er, that you place yourself in situations mapped-out in advance that help youthey kind of become their own characters dont they- trial characters- that help you free
yourself, free yourself from structures theyre still able to describe, by, that, yes, can
I put it like that, no? I mean they kind of free themselves from every given structure,
yes, man/woman, victim/perpetrator, er, surface/depth, fiction/reality, I mean you play a
man and a woman and in one scene you rape your mother but as a woman, yes, and in the
other scene you want to have a sexual experience with, er, your father, I mean as a man
this time, or rather you want to connect with an all-night petrol station attendant who is
played by your father but who isnt really an actor if I read it correctly, er, I mean at least
so far hasnt appeared as an actor, you yourself only act in your own films and its been a
long time since you appeared anywhere, which of course I find interesting er somehow,
to see you suddenly kind of, and I mean while you or rather while the young man tears
his skin, almost bleeds to death, he wants to, he wants his father to - can I put it like that,
no? I mean he wants to have a sexual experience with his father, and all this is coupled
with what I think is a, I mean can I put it like that?, Yes?, with a graphic use of language
that is refreshing but also kind of, yes?, Can you, er yes, I mean its all kind of graphic,
is it maybe also about graphic language, yes? About the rape of language? Can I put it
like that, no?, I mean what I wanted to say was: is it a film about the end of
psychoanalytical explanations, yes? Can I put it like that, I mean: can I put it like
this: that er, that: is it a film in which human beings do things in order to escape what is
familiar and can be explained, is it about, can I put it like this, is it about escaping
from psychoanalytical explanations, can I put it like that? I mean, can I?,
Yes?, No?, I mean, er, I mean: your mothers not really an actress as such is she but, er,
yes?, Did I read that correctly, er, shes a therapist, I mean, and thats also kind of
somehow kind of almost a bit, right?, No?, oedipal, what youre doing, but gender is
reversed and, er, oh God, can I put it like that?
Pause
Excuse me, er, but I mean, oh God, I mean: can I kind of put it all like that? Can I?

63

SHE/TAPE
Dont know
INTERVIEWER
I mean is that the case? Can I put it like that? I mean what Im trying to say is that, er, I
mean can I? I mean, er, you see, can I put it like that?
SHE/TAPE
What?
INTERVIEWER
Er, what?
SHE/TAPE
Yes, what?
INTERVIEWER
Can I, I mean is that alright, could I, can it, I, maybe, I mean that, exactly, yes?, No?,
that it kind of, that, I mean?, Yes?
Short pause
SHE/TAPE
Yes you can, that too, sure, you can put it like that if you want
HE
Of course! I can put all of it like that
SHE
turns the tape off
All of it
HE
All of it. If I want
SHE
But only if you want
HE
By the way, I won the category male English DJs under twenty-eight. And I got
money. And then I was meant to travel with the money. Buy myself a car and drive
around and write about it
SHE
Won a commission
HE

64

About landscape and music. And then I wrote that text. The one at the beginning about
Death Valley. I handed that in and after that they offered us an attachment to the gallery.
And then they rebuilt our flat in here and said: here, well send a bunch of people round
to look at you three times a month and youll get two thousand per night. Well, we said:
okay
SHE
And we asked: and what are we supposed to do with them when they come round?
HE
And they said:
SHE
Talk!
HE
You do that so well.
SHE
Just tell them what it was like
HE
The Making of Our Life
SHE
And how it became real
HE
And started to flow
SHE
Fiction, reality! Life art as the art of living
HE
Exactly
SHE
I mean: hello!
HE
Yes, hello, eh, how are you doing?
SHE
Yes, er, do you want a coffee or some spaghetti?
HE

65

Yes, I mean if you want something: just help yourselves

SHE
You can buy our cd as well if you want
HE
Or a video
they show their merchandise: cds, videos, t-shirts, pillowcases etc.
SHE
Yes, you can take this evening home on video and show it to your family
HE
Or buy one of our new duvet covers
SHE
Yes, here, were both on them shows a duvet cover with their picture on it
HE
Yes, its all available at the exit
SHE
Yes, or shall we take a short break so everyone can look at our merchandise for a
minute
HE
Dont know, takes too much time, well be here all night and I dont want that, I want
to go out tonight, do some DJing somewhere
SHE
Alright, yes, I mean it doesnt matter, you can buy it later, its all available at the
exit. There are people that can explain whats what and stuff. Well carry on then,
right?
HE
Yes, so: have fun
SHE
Er, yes, have fun and thank you for coming
HE
Exactly, thank you, it means we can buy some new records
SHE
And I need something new to wear as well, I wore this the last couple of times

66

HE
Yes, no problem, lets do it: youll get everything you want
SHE
Everything?
HE
Everything, baby!
SHE
Kiss me
HE
Okay
SHE
Fuck me
HE
Aha
SHE
A joke
HE
We wont go that far
SHE
Not yet
HE
At some point, yes
SHE
When were sixty
HE
Exactly, when were sixty well fuck properly in front of an audience three times a week
SHE
With everything
HE
Handcuffs
SHE

67

Blood
HE
Sperm
SHE
Dildos
HE
Well go shopping and fucking
SHE
Lets do it!
short pause
Right, now what?
HE
Ive written a song for you
SHE
A song?
HE
Yes a song, a poem, whatever
SHE
Aha, is it nice?
HE
Its a goodbye poem
SHE
Aha
HE
Yes
SHE
Aha
HE
Just in case. Its not real. Just if. The other day I thought: if it ever happens Ill sing
my song
SHE
Aha

68

HE
Theres music as well, and Ive got an idea for a video
SHE
Aha
HE
Yes, if you ever leave me Ill release the song and shoot a video
SHE
And what happens in the video?
HE
Loads of men cry. Men of all ages
HE plays a video, we see men of all ages crying. Theyre all close-ups. Its raw material
Men whove been left by their women or whove lost their jobs or lost all their money in
a stock market crash, men like that. Tough men who cry
SHE
Dicks with feelings?
HE
Yes exactly!
SHE
The new man: a construct in flow
HE
For example!
SHE
He comprises female and masculine attributes, hes free-floating between female and
masculine role models, hes got everything under control, he works hard, looks after
himself, society and his family, he sees women as equal partners but hes also
a good fuck
HE
Exactly!
SHE
Hes intelligent, strong, creative
HE
And hes able to cry

69

SHE
Hmmm
HE
Do you want to hear it or not
SHE
Why have you written a goodbye song for me?
HE
Dont know, just like that, just in case. So I can react at once and so the pains already
behind me, you see?
SHE
I see
HE
I mean if you leave me at least Ive got a number 1 single in the charts as well as this
incredible video: famous men crying. Every famous man on this planet is going to cry
with me. When you leave me.
SHE
I mean - I dont know any of the guys in this video
HE
Its only a trial video. A trial recording. We havent split up properly yet
SHE
I see
HE
I love you, baby
SHE
Aha
HE
Im going to miss you when you leave me
SHE
But Im not going to
HE
Dont
SHE

70

What?
HE
Leave me! Please dont do it, okay?
SHE
But Im not going to
HE
Please, you mustnt leave me
SHE
But Im not
HE
You hear me?
SHE
Yes
HE
Is there someone else?
SHE
No
HE
Dont leave me
SHE
Of course not
HE
Ill tear him to pieces, you understand, Ill knock him down, Ill level him, Ill borrow a
car and run him over, Ill tape it and send you the video. Ill chase him through the streets
on a motorbike, Ill borrow a bike and hunt that guy through town until he collapses, until
he pleads and begs, Ill drive over him till he cant say another peep and then Ill
cut his head off and nail it to your door and then youll see how much I love you, you get
it? Ill burn his house down, Ill rape his sister and gouge his mothers eyes out, Ill cut
his dads dick off and feed him with it, Ill fry his goldfish in a pan and eat them
SHE
Yeahyeah thats enough
HE
You get it!

71

SHE
Yeahyeah calm down: theres no one else
HE
Ill find out
SHE
Yeahyeah
HE
Ill find out at once and then hes a dead man, hell die a slow painful death while you
watch
There, thats it
SHE
What?
HE
Thats my goodbye poem
SHE
Oh right
HE
Yes, its not perfect yet, Ill keep working on it, but now you know whats coming
SHE
Im so tired
HE
Im not. Im just waking up
SHE
Youre so cute, so romantic
HE
Thank you
I got a new psychological assessment today
SHE
Not again!
HE
Yes
HE takes out a pile of psychological assessments and spreads them out

72

SHE
He keeps getting psychological assessments
HE
From psychologists
SHE
He goes to be analysed by them
HE
Do you want me to read it to you?
SHE
A room full of assessments. Walls covered in medical assessments. Him sitting next to
them, on a sofa, playing Tekken 2 with a bunch of dossers. Wham, Wham, Wham
HE
Theyre not dossers, theyre unemployed! The project got a lot of publicity, it
was called art and social commitment, I got extra points, man, baby, little one, angel,
your friends a bit sick in the head, he needs help, hmmmm, too much TeeVee, too many
sicko beats. Huge! Huge brain! And I always won at Tekken 2. I was Angel. And
Angel always wins. That got me respect from the antisocial guys. Angel does them all in,
but he does it with style and feeling
SHE
These psychologists think hes serious. Hes seeing twenty-seven different therapists at
the same time. The project is still going on. My sick angel, what did it say this time?
HE
Im an unstable split personality and Im liable to temporary fits of insanity, that means
I conjure up problems that dont exist and these problems paralyse me so that my
thoughts revolve around these memories, these false memories that get more
and more complex and threatening although those things never actually happened
SHE
False Memories- thats also the title of his book its about to be published
HE
Its going to be in bookstores next month. You can buy it. Or you can go to the
exhibition, its touring Europe at the moment
SHE
So, aha, right: false memories, go on, lets take an ad break: product placement!
SHE fetches a pile of books, shows them to the audience, you can see the title False
Memories

73

HE
Yes but theyre real to me, thats what my assessment says. Although I know they never
happened theyre real and theyre destroying me, Im stuck in my mind and I cant go on
and Im tired, my thoughts freeze and I have to cause a violent crash in order to
HE reads from one of his assessments thats why I use drastic forms of art, excess,
drugs, violence against myself hits his head with the book a couple of times yes, hmmm,
there
SHE
Wow, my angels a complex form of life
HE
I love you
SHE
I know
HE
Dont leave me
SHE
Do you want the child?
HE
I love you
SHE
Do you want the child?
HE
Dont leave me
SHE
Do you want the child, our child, do you want it?
HE
Dont leave me, please, or Ill have to kill you and I dont want to
SHE takes the camera and films his face
SHE
Do you want the child?
HE
I love you

74

She
Say something: do you want the child or not? Shall I get rid of it?
HE
Dont leave me
SHE
Say something will you
HE
I love you
SHE
I know
HE
Dont leave me
SHE
God, this is annoying
while shes filming him shes acting like a journalist
And in your latest film theres a ten minute close-up of a young man in bed whos lying
next to his young wife, he clings to her, she slowly strokes his hair and whispers: do you
want the child? and he doesnt move, he keeps saying I love you, dont leave me but he
doesnt answer
Pause
holds the camera very close to his face, still acting like a journalist
Is the man crying?, Maybe its some other emotion hes gripped by, an emotion thats
hard to define, its not familiar to him either, he doesnt understand whats going on
inside him. And you show it in a striking fashion I have to say, yes, I was very moved, it
really touched me, also because you let the camera linger on his face for so long we can
really see how, yes, how its too much for him, this decision, can I put it like that? Can I
put it like that?, Is it too much for him? or doesnt he understand the words?, Does he just
not understand what shes saying?, Or is he thinking about something else, is he gripped
by a universal lack of understanding, a universal confusion in the face of his own position
in this world, which is so difficult to grasp?, Can I put it like that?, and then she whispers:
were going to have a child - if you want, and he just looks at her, hes quiet, he doesnt
move, doesnt say anything, you cant tell from his eyes whats going on inside him
HE continues in the same tone
And then he quietly says: and? Do you want it? do you want to have a child? My child?
From now on? Forever?
SHE in the same tone
And she kisses him and says: I dont know. I dont know. Yes, maybe.
short pause

75

HE
Lets just keep filming the child. Its birth and its first steps and when it starts talking,
maybe it can present a show, wouldnt that be wicked, a three-year old baby presenting
the new Madonna video
SHE
The new Lourdes video
HE
It just says whatever comes to mind
SHE
Exactly
HE
Exactly, like its mum, it just talks for hours and now and then there are a few videos
short pause
SHE
Weve still got a couple of days
HE
Yes
SHE
Weve actually got enough money
HE
Well
SHE
How much does a child cost?
HE
Dont know. Nothing?
SHE
No its expensive
HE takes a few photos of him as a baby from his pile of assessments
HE
My baby photos are on display at the moment
SHE
Yes

76

HE
Me playing with a red phone, puking up spinach, hmmmm, and Foucault quotes to go
with the photos laughs
Have you read my latest interview?
SHE
Certainly have
HE laughs
Your father didnt rape you
HE
But thats what my assessment says
SHE
Shut up
HE
But thats what it says. Black on white. Theres scientific evidence
SHE
Shush. I know your father
HE
Oh really?
SHE
Really
HE
My father always wanted me to strip naked and sit on his lap at bedtime and
SHE
Stop this rubbish and read me another poem
HE
Well, me and my two brothers
SHE
Here we go again! Im off to bed
HE
We always had to wee-wee for my dad, we always had to sit on his lap and wee-wee
SHE
Thats gross

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HE
And then he opened his mouth really wide and fondled our willie and said: there, now
wee-wee, we were never allowed to go to the toilet in kindergarten, we always
had to save it till the evening and I was always nervous because I had problems keeping it
in
SHE
Well Im really sorry, you know
HE
And later came poo, first wee-wee then poo, and when wed finished he always said:
tastes yummy, hmmmm, two, yummy and then he got up and we had to open our
mouths and then he always said: heres yummy mayonnaise, and we had to lean back
like this and we got yummy mayonnaise
SHE
Stop it
HE
Yes, thats what my mother said when I tried to tell her
SHE
Stop this rubbish
HE
Yes, thats exactly what my mother kept saying
Pause
It was awful for me because there was no one I could confide in, it was hard
enough anyway because I was scared, Daddy said if I told anyone about the poo hed cut
my willie off
SHE
Shut up, thats awful
HE
How awful do you think it was for me, I was only four and my father taped
everything and sold it, why do you think my father owns two huge cars, its all because
of the videos, when did you watch your first porn movie, eh?
SHE
Thats it, okay, shows over!
HE
Yes, I was six and I was in it, it wasnt easy, yes, the reason I can sit here and talk about
it like this is because Ive spent years working through it, Ive worked at it

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SHE
Can we talk about something real for a change? About our child maybe? Yes? No?
Abort it? Keep it? Yes? No?
HE
Wow, honestly, youre just like everyone else, no one wants to listen to me, Im never
allowed to tell my story
SHE
Shut up now, youre talking crap
HE
Ive swallowed enough crap and thats not a metaphor, when I was five I had to eat my
brothers crap and my father wanked himself off and then I had to eat that, too
SHE
Do you want the child, this child, this child thats somehow happened to us, hello, do you
want it?
HE
And when my mother had her period I had to eat that, too, and when my big sister had
her first abortion I had to eat all the stuff theyd sucked out of her, too, my mother put it
in the mixer for me, it was disgusting, and then they taped it and sold it, I can show you if
you dont believe me, my dad always raped my teddy bear too, it was difficult for me,
believe me, yes, it took ten years of therapy. At night when I was in bed he just
cut a hole in it, he woke me up and pulled the teddy bear from my arms, cut a hole in it
and then put his willie inside and taped it and friends of his, our neighbour, was always
there too, and he was allowed to put his willie inside me too and then my dad fucked my
teddy bears arse and the neighbour my arse, it wasnt easy for me you understand, the
whole village saw me on video, imagine how troubled my relationship with my dad was
all those years, its not easy for me to even talk to older men
SHE
Please. Please be quiet SHE walks over to his decks and plays a record
HE
Yes, no one ever wants to hear the truth, when it didnt work because I had to be sick, I
had to lick it up and swallow it or else he just took my head and bashed it against
the wall, yes, bang bang bang, yes, just like that, he didnt care, and my mother just
watched, yes, I didnt have a lot of fun, how difficult do you think it is for me to even
cope in this world. The first time I went to a peepshow I saw myself on the video screen,
me holding the teddy bear whose arse my dad is fucking, what do you think I felt at that
moment, yes, you cant begin to imagine, yes, now everyones leaving me again, yes, Im
used to it, Ive been alone all my life, always, always alone, yes, always alone, I know
that, I know that no one wants to deal with me, I know that, yes, just leave, I know no one

79

listens to me, they fuck me, yes, but they dont listen, its still like that, everyone wants to
fuck me because they think Im cute, because I can adapt to them, thats what my
psychological assessment says, too: tries to avoid conflict by adapting. Everyone thinks
thats great but no one ever addressed me, my suffering, my feelings, my fear, no, I have
to do that on my own, come to terms with it on my own. Yes, well, doesnt matter, Im
used to it, Ive been there, Ive already been there, Ive been there lots of times, you
cant finish me off any more, Im already finished!
SHE
Come on, lets go to bed
HE
Yes
SHE
Play the video
HE
Yes, the goodnight-video. Andy-Warhol revival
SHE
Everything returns
HE
Weve seen it all before
SHE
History repeats itself
HE
Repetition
SHE
But not in this light, this new context, not from this generation, not against the backdrop
of the end of definitions
HE
Generation Xtasy
SHE
Generation Internet
HE
None of them have feelings anymore
Pause
Tell me about the child, honestly, is it true?

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Pause
SHE
At the end of what we can grasp, identities, classifications and categories only exist in a
virtual universe
HE
The end of
SHE
The end of
HE
Fill in a word of your choice
SHE
Excessively lived
HE
Subjectivity
SHE
Its not new
HE
Yet its new
SHE
Its not real
HE
Yet its authentic laughs. Pause
And?
SHE
I dont know
HE
No?
SHE
No
HE
Really?

81

SHE
I dont know
HE
No?
SHE
I love you
HE
I know
SHE
More than anything
HE
Anything?
SHE
For your sake I would slash everyones throat, destroy everything, reinvent everything,
rediscover everything, repeat everything, copy everything, everything, everything,
everything
HE
And?
SHE
And what?
HE
The child?
SHE
What child?
HE kisses her. Blackout

The End.

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