Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person

and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality,
in which man's belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed,
becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the
relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual
gift of a man and a woman. The virtue of chastity therefore involves the
integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift.
To be chaste "according to one's state in life" is a delicate way of saying that
married people must observe the rules of sexuality within marriage (e.g., no
romantic relationship with anyone not one's spouse, remaining open to the
possibility of new life during marital relations), while single people must
observe the rules of sexuality outside of marriage (e.g., not engaging in
sexual relations, not putting oneself in a near occasion of sexual sin).
It is notable to note the story of a saint who was a little girl when was raped
and died thereafter, the story of St. Maria Goretti:
Beautiful, pious farm girl, one of six children of Luigi Goretti
and Assunta Carlini. In 1896 the family moved to Ferriere di
Conca. Soon after, Marias father died of malaria, and the
family was forced to move onto the Serenelli farm to
survive.
In 1902 at age twelve, Maria was attacked by 19-yearold farm-hand Alessandro
Serenelli.
He
tried
to rape the girl who fought, yelled that it was a sin, and
that he would go to hell. He tried to choke her into
submission, then stabbed her fourteen times. She survived
in hospital for two days, forgave her attacker, asked Gods
forgiveness of him, and died holding a crucifix and medal
ofOur Lady. Counted as a martyr.
While in prison for his crime, Allessandro had a vision of
Maria. He saw a garden where a young girl, dressed in
white, gatheredlilies. She smiled, came near him, and
encouraged him to accept an armful of the lilies. As he
took them, each lily transformed into a still white flame.
Maria then disappeared. This vision of Maria led to
Alessandros conversion, and he later testified at her cause
for beatification

Is chastity an outdated concept in modern society? In a popular culture that

confuses love with sexual promiscuity, can concerned parents rear their
children in an atmosphere of true love and biblical values?
Chastity. The very word has an old-fashioned sound, and seems quaint and
out of date to a generation reared on MTV. "Get real," some might say in
response! But what is real? Is it the glamour of movie stars, pop-music stars
and sports idols? Is it the television sitcoms, populated with witty people who
routinely engage in out-of-wedlock sex, yet whose life circumstances always
seem to be portrayed as more humours than tragic?
A number of mainstream magazines have focused on the concerns of many
parents about what is happening to young children in our increasingly
sexualized culture. In October 2001, Good Housekeeping ran an article titled
"Surviving Britney Spears"with the subtitle: "What to do when your preteen
worships this latter-day Lolita." Britney is a risqu role model for young girls,
and "has created a persona about as virginal as Madonna's" (p. 103).
Parading through videos in cropped-tops and bikinis, she has incredible
appeal to girls as young as eight or nine.
Popular culture in the Western world takes sexual activity outside of marriage
as a given. Whether it is the steamy love scenes in the movie Titanic or the
provocative images on the latest music videos, young teenagers are
increasingly immersed in an erotic world. The results are quite evident if you
just look around the campuses of most American middle schools. Many
young girls, barely into their teens, look and act like prostitutes! While civil
libertarians would be outraged at the idea of Bibles being given away to
teenagers in such a venue, the fact that condoms and abortions should be
made available without parental knowledge or consent seems normal to
them!
Teenage promiscuity still causes some concerns in our society, but adult
promiscuity, on the other hand, hardly raises an eyebrow anymore. As late as
the 1950s and 1960s, it was called "living in sin" and was actually illegal in
virtually every state of the Union. Today, according to American
Demographics magazine, the most common household composition in the
United States (32 percent) consists of an unmarried couple without children
(December 2000, p. 59). U.S. News & World Report called unmarried cohabitation a "shadow issue" in the family values debate. "Unlike divorce or
unwed childbearing, the trend toward cohabitation has inspired virtually no
public comment or criticism" (March 13, 2000, p. 48). In an earlier article on
the same subject, USN&WR made the observation that premarital sexual
activity was something that even most churches were loathe to talk about

anymore. "Condemnation of adult premarital sex has virtually vanished from

religious preaching" (May 19, 1997, p. 57).
What are the consequences of these attitudes and behaviors? Jennifer
Grossman, an MSNBC-TV contributor, succinctly observed in an interview
with U.S. News & World Report that "people are surfeited with sexand yet
we're starved for love" (May 19, 1997, p. 58). All of the hippie-era talk of
"free love" has proven to be quite a misnomer. It was not real love, and it has
been anything but free! Many social ills have resulted, including growing
numbers of illegitimate births, single-parent households, abortions, and
sexually transmitted diseases. But that is not all. Both domestic violence and
child abuse occur with far greater frequency in households where the
partners are not married to one another, but are merely "shacking up."
In a speech given at Hillsdale College on November 15, 2000, a recent
university graduate and author made some very telling observations. Wendy
Shalit titled her address "Modesty Revisited." In introducing her topic to an
audience of college students and faculty members, she observed that "the
vocabulary of modesty has largely dropped from our cultural consciousness."
She went on to explain that modesty's loss had been social pathology's gain.
"Many of the problems we hear about todaysexual harassment, date rape,
young women who suffer from eating disorders and report feeling a lack of
control over their bodiesare all connected, I believe, to our culture's attack
on modesty. Listen, first, to the words we use to describe intimacy: what
once was called 'making love,' and then 'having sex,' is now 'hooking up'
like airplanes refueling in flight" (reprinted in Imprimis, March 2001).
Fostering Attitudes of Purity
We have all heard the adage, "you are what you eat." While this is true
nutritionally, it is just as true mentally. Our mental diet has much to do with
shaping the kind of person that we become. The Apostle Paul emphasized:
"Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble,
whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are
lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there
is anything praiseworthymeditate on these things" (Philippians 4:8). We
cannot foster attitudes of purity in our children if we allow them to constantly
feed their minds on trash. Violent, sexually explicit television shows, movies,
and video games make for a destructive mental diet.
From lullabies to stirring martial tunes, music can create or enhance virtually
any mood. In addition to the atmosphere created by a song's mood, we must
also consider its words and message. Lyrics that are angry, rebellious and

vulgar, or that celebrate fornication or adultery, convey an inappropriate

message. With music videos, the effect of the message is multiplied, as the
impression received through the ears is reinforced by what is received
through the eyes.
Purity involves a way of thinking, and is not merely a matter of avoiding
certain prurient behavior. Entertainment and the arts should elevate the
human spirit by celebrating what is good and noble, and what is pure and
lovely. Parents who wish to foster purity in their children will be very careful
in the music, movies and books that they allow.
The Apostle Paul explained to the young minister Titus that he should
encourage the older women to teach the younger women principles of
modesty and chastity. It is important for parents and older friends and family
members to help provide guidance for young girls in this area. Skirts that are
too short and tight, plunging necklines, high slits and other similar styles are
designed to send a sexually seductive message to men. While many young
women would deny this is their intention and say that it is just "the style,"
their parents need to help them grasp that, regardless of their motive for
doing so, they are projecting an image that is seductive and sexually
arousing to men. No godly young woman would ever want to dress or behave
in a way that would make it harder for a young man to keep his thoughts
pure. Unless girls are actively taught, they just do not understand the
difference between the male and female mind. An inner attitude of purity
and modesty should be conveyed through dress and grooming as well as
behavior.
In the context of teaching young people to avoid styles that wrongly
emphasize sexuality, parents have a duty to explain in a positive way about
God's approach to sex. God made us male and female and He said that it
was very good! Teaching about sex should be presented by explaining that it
is a precious gift that God has given. If it is used properly, it plays a vital part
in what was designed by God to be the most wonderfully happy of human
relationships, marriage. When sex is misused, it produces hurt and pain that
can wreck entire lives. Young people should be taught that much of their
future happiness will depend upon learning to cherish purity. Purity is a
necessary attitude in every happy, healthy marriage.
Not only must there be proper teaching and explanation, but young people
also need to be given proper boundaries that will safeguard purity. For
teenagers to be allowed to pair off and date in the modern sense is
to encourage intimacy without commitment. The Apostle Paul
commanded, "flee youthful lusts" (2 Timothy 2:22). Those who are not

married should avoid being alone in intimate situations. Proper boundaries

that are set early on, and drilled into young people from the beginning, can
help them avoid dangerous situations later on. Young people have lots of
hormones and little experience with life. They need guidance and
supervision.
Purity can be cultivated and fostered in your family, even though we live in
the midst of a corrupt and impure world. Go to God for His help and blessing.
Realize that parents can encourage a mental diet of what is wholesome and
uplifting. This must be coupled with teaching young people to value and
cultivate an image that reflects purity. Taken together with positive teaching
and establishing safe and healthy boundaries, parents have at their disposal
tactics that make a difficult battle very much winnable.
Protecting and Encouraging Chastity
During childhood and adolescence, we lay the foundation for marriage and
family. The values promoted by contemporary society undermine chastity
and purity among young people. They do this in everything from clothing
styles to entertainment. In addition, contemporary dating practices further
advance the immorality agenda. Make no mistake about it: there is nothing
more destructive to building a happy, loving marriage than immorality!
It is vital for young people to understand that commitment is intended
to precede intimacy. In contemporary western society young people pair off
at an early age. They "go steady" even in middle school, much less high
school and college. It is taken for granted that teenagers will have their
girlfriends or boyfriends. Of course, these so-called steady relationships are
anything but steady! Breaking up regularly, these young people quickly
begin to cast about for another "steady." They are not really preparedeither
emotionally or financiallyto marry for years to come. However,
contemporary dating practices ensure thatlong before the commitment of
marriageopportunities come early for greater and greater intimacy. When
children are engaging in "necking" and "petting" as early teens, how long will
it be before they have full intercourse?
The intimate behavior of prolonged kissing and caressing is sexually
stimulating and was intended by the Creator to be the arousal portion of the
sexual act. As such it belongs only in marriage and should not be engaged in
by those who are unmarried. With the dating practices that are generally
taken for granted in our culture, however, intimate practices are fostered and
encouraged. Movies, television, books and magazines all promote this sort of
behavior as acceptable and normal.

The Bible clearly teaches that all sexual activity outside of marriage is sin (1
Corinthians 6:910)! If virginity is to be maintained until marriage, then
chastity and purity must be nurtured and protected. This helps lay a
foundation for future faithfulness in marriage. With both younger children
and teenagers, parents have responsibility to teach and to guide. They are
also responsible for protecting their children from situations that they may
not be able to handle. Young people should not simply be left to themselves
or allowed to pair off. It is a recipe for disaster.
It is natural that young people want to spend time togetherand there is
nothing wrong with that. Social activities can be very enjoyable, and are
important to young people. Such activities are best, however, when held in
the context of entire families getting together. Picnics, outings to the bowling
alley or the skating rink, or trips to sports, musical and cultural events need
not involve each teenager pairing off with someone of the opposite sex.
These should be group activities involving friends of both sexes. After all,
youth is a time to develop a wide variety of friendships. Learning to have
healthy friendships with members of the opposite sex is very important
preparation for future courtship and marriage.
In Western culture, dating has become confused with courtship, and
distinctions between the two have been lost. Single dating is really what
used to be called courtship, and should be reserved for those who are old
enough to pursue marriage seriously. Until that time comes, developing a
variety of friends, and participating in group activities, is the best social
outlet for young people.
If chastity and purity have great value, then it stands to reason that this
value must be explained and taught to our young people. They certainly will
not receive this message at school or from the movies, so if they are going to
hear it at all, it must be at home and at church. Immorality is not glamorous
and romantic; rather, it produces serious and potentially life-wrecking
consequences. It not only frequently leads to disease and unwanted
pregnancy, but also to hurt, confusion, and guilt. Casual sex cheapens and
degrades what the Creator designed to be shared by two married people in a
special relationship that they do not have with any other human being. To
protect purity, not only must the value of it be understood and appreciated,
but also potentially tempting or compromising situations must be avoided.
Strong emotions are at work and many young people have kidded
themselves that they could "handle" the situation, only to find out to their
future regret that they could not. If you plan to avoid engaging in intimate
behavior before you are married, then you should start by avoiding being in

intimate settings that are located away from the eyes of others (Proverbs
15:3)!
Chastity and purity are guardians of the sanctity of marriage and the family.
The family is the basic building block of society. No nation can be stronger
than its homes. Chastity and purity are qualities that can only be passed on
to the next generation if they are not only deeply valued and cherished, but
also actively taught and encouraged. Difficult? You bet! But never lose sight
of the fact that it is possible to teach chastity in an unchaste world.
(Teaching Chastity in an Unchaste World Article: John H. Ogwyn)