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C.H.I.R.P
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ItzDAbiz
Hello Noval Publishing! Help me out here! I have this close friend that I go
out with all the time, wellz.... She alwayz getz way too drunk and starts telling
my business to everyone!!! She gigglez and laughs about personal thingz
with my boyfriend and family! SHe did this many timez and when I confront
her she sayz she did it by accident and wont do it again! Then she getz
drunk again and tellz everyone that I cursed her out because I have an
eating disorder! Bitch right? So I told everyone that her mother was an
alcoholic and it just runz in the family!! We got into a fight and we got over it,
but now when we go out she starts telling her own business to everyone! Itz
really embarassing being around her but I dont want to cut a 8 year long
friendship.
PreciousGirl
Dear PFM,
PFM
So my boyfriend hasn't touched me in weeks! I didn't
do anything wrong! I didn't gain any weight or change my
look at all! Whenever I try to be sexy he turns me down!!!!
At first I thought his sex drive was going down but then I saw him
in the shower! I think that he's been hiding his sex drive from
me and handling it himself behind my back! I asked him about it
and he denied it but I know it's true! WTF? Is my boyfriend just
not attracted to me anymore? Idk what to do.
- FrustratedFemale20
!
FrustratedFemale20,
!
This situation is not your fault. You are trying the
best you can and that's all that can be asked of you. It's time to put your
personal insecurities aside and think about what his mental, physical, or emotional
issues that might be causing this complication. No one likes to consider the worst
but have you entertained the possibility that he may be acting unfaithfully? This
could explain why he is not sexual with you and why he feels he needs to hide his
sexual acts, he may be ashamed. On the other hand
people have changes in their libido depending on their
age, job situation, and stress levels. There is also a
possibility that the relationship isn't working for him
anymore. If he won't talk with you directly then
therapy would be the next logical step in order to
determine the root of the problem. If he refuses to see
a therapist then you need to consider whether or not
this relationship is healthy for you to be in.
Q
Submit B.elievable S.tories E-mail
PFM@novalpublishing.com with B.S in the
topic. Don’t forget to include your proof!
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S.tories ...
The Author of the Story Claims it to be the
truth! Do you believe this story? Type B in
the Comments Box for Believe and S in the
Comment Box if you think the author is a liar!
Be sure to give your reason! We’ll reveal at
the end of the month if the author claims
their story is true, or just something they
made up! We’ll reveal in the next issue the
truth!
A
!! terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his
own gas.
!!! There was no mark on his body, but an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system, police
said. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things).!
!!! It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his
bed, police said. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the
man was shut up in his near-airtight bedroom.!
!!! He was “a big man with a huge capacity for creating[this deadly gas],” a police representative said.!
!!! Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.!
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W T A ho’s hat u!or?
(published 1845)
!!
Once it smiled a silent dell
Where the people did not dwell;
They had gone unto the wars,
Trusting to the mild-eyed stars,
Nightly, from their azure towers,
To keep watch above the flowers,
In the midst of which all day
The red sun-light lazily lay.
Now each visitor shall confess
The sad valley's restlessness.
Nothing there is motionless --
Nothing save the airs that brood
Over the magic solitude.
Ah, by no wind are stirred those trees
That palpitate like the chill seas
Around the misty Hebrides!
Ah, by no wind those clouds are driven
That rustle through the unquiet Heaven
Uneasily, from morn till even,
Over the violets there that lie
In myriad types of the human eye --
Over the lilies there that wave
And weep above a nameless grave!
They wave: -- from out their fragrant tops
Eternal dews come down in drops.
They weep: -- from off their delicate stems
Random Clue: Perennial tears descend in gems.
In his first year of college at age 17, he
gambled away all of his scholarship aid,
and often showed up in class drunk-even
during examinations.
After the press from Kirstie Alley, the family business, Phat Phuc Noodle
Bar quickly became a favorite get away. Following a hard days work a
businessman decided to treat himself to dinner and a few drinks, then
decided to have a little fun with the owners.
"How are you Phat Phucs doing today?" he asked the owners. "So tell
me how many Phat Phucs did it take to make this place famous?"
Just as he finished his sentence the couple began hisyterially laughing.
Confused he paid his bill and left the restaurant.
"Why are you two laughing?" their son asked.
"Did you see the name on his coat?" his mother asked.
But before he could answer his father jumped in quickly. "His name is
Harry Cox!"
Pictures Worth a thousand Words:
Come up with a story to match the picture below!
Keep it under a thousand words and submit it to
pfm@novalpublishing.com! The most interesting
stories would be posted in the nest issue! Wanna
submit a funny picture? Send your unbelievable
pictures to pfm@novalpublishing.com!
Next Month:
Continue....
The little boy skipped to the bathroom, anxious to get into that smelly stall to
do heaven knows what. Absently locking the door behind him, he did his
business, flushed the toilet excitedly - I knew he was excited about the flushing because of the
wonderment in his voice the last billion times he was in there with his mom. He then jiggled the door
handle to exit the putrid dungeon, but was unsuccessful. He tried a second time. Then a third. The fourth
time he tried the door he finally gave up and succumbed to his impending death in the hallow stench, but
then rethought his decision and proceeded to bang furiously on the door.
“Get me out of here!” He screamed powerfully. I had no idea a
child of his size could scream with that much force. The entire bus
had his attention.
“Mommy! Help me! Help! Help! Help” Screaming his little lungs
out, he dragged out each help like it was his last breath, extending
the vowels with furious determination. A hero stood up - not me,
not a chance I was getting involved in this drama, and tried to
open the locked door. I giggled (in my head of course), what a
silly man to attempt the impossible. That kid was a goner. After
several minutes and a few more daring passengers willing to
crowd the bathroom door in feeble attempts at freeing the
screaming child, his mother finally stumbled to the back of the bus
and tried to calm the tiny raging lunatic down. “Stop yelling,” she
told him sternly. Obviously, he ignored her. Then one of the passengers realized the only way the little guy
would get out of that bathroom would be to actually unlock it. So, he told the littly tyke to turn the latch
above the handle to the left. “Turn it to the left. You have to calm down. Turn the latch to the left. The
latch above the handle.” So now it reached new levels of ridiculousness. The man shouting at the terrified,
screaming boy. The mother yelling at her son to calm down. The bus driver yelling back every so often at
the mother, “You should have been with him. You should always accompany a child to the bathroom.”
This went on for a good fifteen minutes until finally we all heard the wonderful sound of the latch turning.
The exhausted yelling youngen stumbled out, face covered in tears. He was trembling as his mother
wrapped her neglectful arms around him. He looked at her angrily, but allowed her to hug him. They both
went back to their seats and I didn’t see them for the rest of the ride. Everyone on the bus was relieved the
noise ceased and went back to their respective books, electronic gadgets, or distant stares out the window.
I turned back in my seat, hoping the nice toothless man next to me would give me peace. He did. And I
went back to reading, he looked out as America passed him by in bursts of color, reds, oranges and
yellows, and probably thought of his existence in this constantly changing world.
Greyhound: 1. Chris: 0 but Amused
Writer’s Nest
HOW SEND YOUR STORIES, SCRIPTS, COMICS AND
POEMS TO PFM@NOVALPUBLISHING.COM ONLY
TO SUBMIT: ENTRIES UP TO 5 PGS WILL BE ACCEPTED AND
REVIEWED
Monkey
My simian friend.
Puckered face that collapsed my knees.
Kerosene affixed to the fire that had died down.
The warmest months involved some light gusts of comfort
Light-hearted breezes crossing the flooded Mississippi,
To the cosmopolitan island where I remained.
Bringing with them optimistic words,
Gleaming whispers of a time,
That you were here,
To reassure me.
- Raul Chavez
Rhino
Had it never
Raised concern to the discomforted rhinoceros in the courtroom
Horning the jury who persecutes me, I would soberly remain.
Proud ungulate endeavor though, to eject me out of my domain.
Never has it
Been an obscenity to wander blurred from the night.
Poking through gloomy corridors and doorways.
Never will it
Be pardonable to close the door in such a way.
-Raul Chavez
Writer’s Nest
HOW SEND YOUR STORIES, SCRIPTS, COMICS AND
POEMS TO PFM@NOVALPUBLISHING.COM ONLY
TO SUBMIT: ENTRIES UP TO 5 PGS WILL BE ACCEPTED AND
REVIEWED
To The River
u!or?
by
!!
Fair river! in thy bright, clear flow
!!! Of crystal, wandering water,
Thou art an emblem of the glow
!!!!!! Of beauty -- the unhidden heart --
!!!!!! The playful maziness of art
In old Alberto's daughter;
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