Mother Tongue

Author(s): Amy Tan

Source: The Threepenny Review, No. 43 (Autumn, 1990), pp. 7-8
Published by: Threepenny Review
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people on the phone to pretend I wasbecause in those areas I achieved As and

Mother Tongue
Amy Tan

IAM NOT a scholar of English or lit-

she. In this guise, I was forced to ask forscored in the ninetieth percentile or
information or even to complain andhigher.
yell at people who had been rude to her. This was understandable. Math is
One time it was a call to her stockbrokerprecise; there is only one correct answer.
in New York. She had cashed out her
Whereas, for me at least, the answers on

small portfolio and it just so happened

English tests were always a judgment
we were going to go to New York thecall, a matter of opinion and personal
next week, our very first trip outsideexperience. Those tests were conCalifornia. I had to get on the phonestructed around items like fill-in-theday showed up at my mother's wedding and say in an adolescent voice that was
blank sentence completion, such as

erature. I cannot give you much more to pay his respects. Here's what she said not very convincing, "This is Mrs. Tan.""Even

than personal opinions on the English in part:

language and its variations in this country or others.

"Du Yusong having business like fruit

stand. Like off the street kind. He is Du

I am a writer. And by that definition, like Du Zong-but not Tsung-ming

I am someone who has always loved Island people. The local people call

language. I am fascinated by language putong, the river east side, he belong to

that side local people. That man want
time thinking about the power of lan- to ask Du Zong father take him in like
guage-the way it can evoke an emo- become own family. Du Zong father
tion, a visual image, a complex idea, or wasn't look down on him, but didn't
a simple truth. Language is the tool of take seriously, until that man big like
my trade. And I use them all-all the become a mafia. Now important per-

in daily life. I spend a great deal of my

Englishes I grew up with.

son, very hard to inviting him. Chinese
Recently, I was made keenly aware of way, came only to show respect, don't
the different Englishes I do use. I was stay for dinner. Respect for making big
giving a talk to a large group of people, celebration, he shows up. Mean gives
the same talk I had already given to half lots of respect. Chinese custom. Chinese
a dozen other groups. The nature of the social life that way. If too important
talk was about my writing, my life, and won't have to stay too long. He come to

though Tom was , Mary

And my mother was standing in thethought he was ." And the corback whispering loudly, "Why he don't rect answer always seemed to be the
send me check, already two weeks late. most bland combinations of thoughts,
So mad he lie to me, losing me money." for example, "Even though Tom was
And then I said in perfect English,shy, Mary thought he was charming,"
"Yes, I'm getting rather concerned. You with the grammatical structure "even
had agreed to send the check two weeksthough" limiting the correct answer to
ago, but it hasn't arrived."
some sort of semantic opposites, so you
Then she began to talk more loudly,wouldn't get answers like "Even though
"What he want, I come to New YorkTom was foolish, Mary thought he was
tell him front of his boss, you cheatingridiculous." Well, according to my

me?" And I was trying to calm her

mother, there were very few limitations

down, make her be quiet, while telling

as to what Tom could have been, and
the stockbroker, "I can't tolerate any
what Mary might have thought of him.

more excuses. If I don't receive the

So I never did well on tests like that.

check immediately, I am going to haveThe same was true with word

to speak to your manager when I'm analogies,
in
pairs of words, in which you

New York next week." And sure enough,

were supposed to find some sort of log

the following week there we were in

cal, semantic relationship-for examfront of this astonished stockbroker,
my book, The Joy Luck Club. The talk my wedding. I didn't see, I heard it. I
ple, "sunset" is to "nightfall" as
was going along well enough, until I gone to boy's side, they have YMCA
and I was sitting there red-faced and
is to ." And here, you would be
remembered one major difference that dinner. Chinese age I was 19."
quiet, and my mother, the real Mrs. Tan,
presented with a list of four possib
made the whole talk sound wrong. My
You should know that my mother's
was shouting at his boss in her impeccapairs, one of which showed the sam
mother was in the room. And it was
ble broken English.
expressive command of English belies
kind of relationship: "red" is to "stop
perhaps the first time she had heard mehow much she actually understands.
We used a similar routine just five
light," "bus" is to "arrival," "chills" i
give a lengthy speech-using the kind of She reads the Forbes report, listens to
to "fever," "yawn" is to "boring."
days ago, for a situation that was far less
English I have never used with her. I was
Wall Street Week, converses daily with
Well, I could never think that way.
humorous. My mother had gone to the
saying things like, "The intersection of her stockbroker, reads all of Shirley
knew what the tests were asking, but I
hospital for an appointment, to find out
memory upon imagination" and "ThereMacLaine's books with ease-all kinds
could not block out of my mind the
about a benign brain tumor a CAT scan
is an aspect of my fiction that relates toof things I can't begin to understand.had revealed a month ago. She said she
images already created by the first pair
thus-and-thus"-a speech filled withYet some of my friends tell me theyhad spoken very good English, her best"sunset is to nightfall"-and I woul
carefully wrought grammatical phrases, understand fifty percent of what myEnglish, no mistakes. Still, she said, the
see a burst of colors against a darkenin
|burdened, it suddenly seemed to me,mother says. Some say they understand hospital did not apologize when they
sky, the moon rising, the lowering of
with nominalized forms, past perfecteighty to ninety percent. Some say theysaid they had lost the CAT scan and shecurtain of stars. And all the other pair
tenses, conditional phrases-all the understand none of it, as if she werehad come for nothing. She said they did
of words-red, bus, stoplight, boring
forms of standard English that I hadspeaking pure Chinese. But to me, mynot seem to have any sympathy when she
just threw up a mass of confusin
learned in school and through books,mother's English is perfectly clear, per-told them she was anxious to know theimages, making it impossible for me to
the forms of English I did not use atfectly natural. It's my mother tongue.exact diagnosis since her husband and
sort out something as logical as saying:

Her language, as I hear it, is vivid,son had both died of brain tumors. She"A sunset precedes nightfall" is th
Just last week, I was walking downdirect, full of observation and imagery. said they would not give her any more
same as "a chill precedes a fever." Th
the street with my mother, and I again That was the language that helpedinformation until the next time and she
only way I would have gotten that an
found myself conscious of the English I shape the way I saw things, expressedwould have to make another appointswer right would have been to imagin
ment for that. So she said she would not
was using, the English I do use with her.things, made sense of the world.
an associative situation, for example
We were talking about the price of new
leave
until
the
doctor
called
her
daughmy
being disobedient and staying ou
ATELY, I've been giving more
and used furniture and I heard myself Lthought to the kind of English my ter. She wouldn't budge. And when the
past sunset, catching a chill at nigh
home with my mother.

saying this: "Not waste money thatmother speaks. Like others, I havedoctor finally called her daughter, me,which turns into feverish pneumonia a

way." My husband was with us as well,described it to people as "broken" or who spoke in perfect English--lo and
punishment, which indeed did happe
tome.
and he didn't notice any switch in my"fractured" English. But I wince when I behold we had assurances the CAT
English. And then I realized why. It'ssay that. It has always bothered me that scan would be found, promises that a
because over the twenty years we've I can think of no way to describe itconference call oni Monday would be
I HAVE been thinking about all this
been together I've often used that same other than "broken," as if it were dam- held, and apologies for any suffering mylately, about my mother's English,
kind of English with him, and sometimesaged and needed to be fixed, as if it mother had gone through for a most
about achievement tests. Because lately
he even uses it with me. It has become lacked a certain wholeness and sound- regrettable mistake.
I've been asked, as a writer, why there
our language of intimacy, a differentness. I've heard other terms used, "limare not more Asian-Americans repreI think my mother's English almost
sort of English that relates to familyited English," for example. But they had an effect on limiting my possibilities
sented in American literature. Why are
talk, the language I grew up with.
there few Asian-Americans enrolled in
seem just as bad, as if everything is in life as well. Sociologists and linguists
So you'll have some idea of what thislimited, including people's perceptionprobably will tell you that a person's
creative writing programs? Why do so
family talk I heard sounds like, I'll quoteof the limited English speaker.
Chinese students go into engideveloping language skills are more many
inwhat my mother said during a recent I know this for a fact, because when Ifluenced by peers. But I do think that the
neering? Well, these are broad sociologconversation which I videotaped and
ical questions I can't begin to answer.
was growing up, my mother's "limited" language spoken in the family, especially
then transcribed. During this conversa- English limited my perception of her. I in immigrant families which are more
But I have noticed in surveys-in fact,
tion, my mother was talking about awas ashamed of her English. I believedinsular, plays a large role in shaping the
just last week-that Asian students, as a
political gangster in Shanghai who had
whole,
always do significantly better on
that her English reflected the quality oflanguage of the child. And I believe that
the same last name as her family's, Du,
math
achievement
tests than in English.
what she had to say. That is, because sheit affected my results on achievement
and how the gangster in his early years expressed them imperfectly her thoughtstests, IQ tests, and the SAT. While my
And this makes me think that there are
wanted to be adopted by her family were imperfect. And I had plenty ofEnglish skills were never judged as poor,
other Asian-American students whose
which was rich by comparison. Later,empirical evidence to support me: thecompared to math, English could not be
English spoken in the home might also

the gangster became more powerful, farfact that people in department stores, atconsidered my strong suit. In grade
be described as "broken" or "limited."
richer than my mother's family, and onebanks, and at restaurants did not takeschool, I did moderately well, getting
And perhaps they also have teachers

who are steering them away from writher seriously, did not give her good ser-perhaps Bs, sometimes B + s in English,
or and into math and science, which is
vice, pretended not to understand her,and scoring perhaps in the sixtiething

what happened to me.

or even acted as if they did not hear her.seventieth percentile on achievement
Fortunately, I happen to be rebellious
tests.
But
those
scores
were
not
good
My mother has long realized the limia panel entitled "Englishes: Whose English
in
nature, and enjoy the challenge of
enough
to
override
the
opinion
that
my
Is It Anyway?" during the 1989 State of thetations of her English as well. When I
disproving
assumptions made about
true
abilities
lay
in
math
and
science,
was fifteen, she used to have me call
Language Symposium in San Francisco.
This talk was originally delivered as part of

FALL 1990

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me. I became an English major my first

mind-and in fact, she did read my early

year in college after being enrolled as drafts-I began to write stories using all

pre-med. I started writing non-fiction as the Englishes I grew up with: the English
a freelancer the week after I was told by I spoke to my mother, whichl for lack of

ll . s The Best of
je jjjj jjjjjSjCrazyhorse
Thi.. . .... .. rty Years of

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;.sJa. j;S 5 j' .This

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stories published in the periodical since its founding contains 104 poems and

Jauss

15 stories by 93 of America's most respected authors, including Lee K. Abbott,

Robert Bly, Raymond Carver, Andre Dubus, Richard Hugo, Bobbie Ann
Mason, Louis Simpson, William Stafford, John Updike, and James Wright.
In 1990, after polling more than one hundred editors and agents, Writer's
Digest named Crazyhorse one of the fifty most influential magazines publishing fiction today.

my former boss that writing was my a better term, might be described as

worst skill and I should hone my talents "simple"; the English she used with me,
toward account management.
which for lack of a better term might be
But it wasn't until 1985 that I finally described as "broken"; my translation

began to write fiction. And at first I of her Chinese, which could certainly be
wrote using what I thought to be wittily described as "watered down"; and what
crafted sentences, sentences that would I imagined to be her translation of her
finally prove I had mastery over the Eng- Chinese if she could speak in perfect

lish language. Here's an example from English, her internal language, and for

the first draft of a story that later made that I sought to preserve the essence, but
its way into The Joy Luck Club, but not either an English or a Chinese strucwithout this line: "That was my mental ture. I wanted to capture what language

quandary in its nascent state." A terri- ability tests can never reveal: her intent,

ble line, which I can barely pronounce.

her passion, her imagery, the rhythms of

Fortunately, for reasons I won't get her speech and the nature of her thoughts.

into today, I later decided I should enviApart from what any critic had to say
sion a reader for the stories I would
about my writing, I knew I had succeeded
write. And the reader I decided upon was
where it counted when my mother

my mother, because these were stories

finished reading my book, and gave me
her verdict: "So easy to read." O

about mothers. So with this reader in

Praise for Crazyhorse:

"Over the years, an astonishing array of America's finest writers have published their work here ... the list is virtually endless. An attractive journal that

would enhance any literature collection."

-Robert Hauptman, Magazines for Libraries

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In his voice I hear the first day

of the waters,

before the spirit moved, brooding,

over the face of them,
before the firmament appearing
in the wake of His Word
divided upper water from lower water,
heaven from earth,
on the second day. Here in his voice
the first day

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once again refuses the command

to be the second,

vowel and phoneme all awash, inchoate

in a jubilant babble
I lean over the crib to watch, that goes on
after he sees me,

after I say the name he hears as nonsense

the way the waters heard,
so entangled in the waters, whelmed
in the jubilant eddy

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of such complete embracing they couldn't

have known themselves
as water, when the Lord said,
"Let the waters part."
See how, lonely for him, as on the shore
of speech I call and call.

See how the syllables begin to dampen,

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blur and dissolve back,

close as they can now, toward the far surf

they were torn from,
from the shore of the sixth day calling
back to the first.

-Alan Shapiro

8THETHR

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