Writing Binder Grade 4 Section 3

Narrative Writing: Personal Narrative
Unit Introduction
Unit Overview:
This unit is designed to follow on the heels of the launching unit. The routines and
writing habits you worked hard to establish and practice in the launch are relied on
here to get students writing often and writing well.
This unit is somewhat unique in that it has students start a variety of narrative
pieces but finish only one or two. The reason for this is to have writers doing short
writes as a way of applying new skills and strategies taught. Starting a variety of
pieces also offers students choice in which piece(s) they choose to commit the time
and energy needed for real revision and editing.
The first two lessons are about understanding the genre and listing lots of possible
narrative ideas. In the launch we suggested that you have students write their
drafts on the right side of their notebooks and reserve the left for revisions, edits and
feedback. If you used another routine to organize notebooks for writing and revising,
stick to the one that works for you and your students.
Many of the lessons invite students to do a lot of pair sharing. You can plan for
different partnerships if you want more variety than talking to a neighbor. Just
remember that the point is to do a quick check in, so dont spend too much planning
or class time on these quick turn-and talks.
The group revision lesson near the end is a great way to offer students meaningful
feedback. It can take more than one day to establish routines for behavior in this
type of response group. Take a couple of days and focus on group norms. It will be a
revision routine you can come back to again and again if you set the stage for it here.
Each lesson includes a suggested mentor text. Please refer to the Introduction for
additional information about using mentor texts. The Characteristics of Genre
Chart, also found in the Introduction, is useful for identifying additional narrative
lesson ideas.
Many lessons rely on the teacher having a model of his or her own narrative to use
in demonstrating thinking, writing, revising and editing skills. Models are provided
for you but you might find it easier to just create your own. You will be able to move
more fluidly through the lesson if the story is truly yours. Dont worry about making
mistakes in front of your students when you demonstrate your own writing. It offers
you a chance to model how real writers solve problems. Be a risk taker and have fun
sharing the stories of your life with your students.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
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Student Goals:
1. Students will apply classroom systems, routines and procedures of the writing
workshop by:
Establishing habits of independent writers throughout the writing process
Creating and learning to use resources, and applying them to independent
writing
Writing daily
2. Students will come together as a community of writers by:
Developing writing stamina in a productive, quiet writing space
Collaborating and responding respectfully and thoughtfully
Understanding where writers get their ideas (i.e. notebooks, conversations,
personal experiences, mentor texts, etc.)
Exploring exemplary writing (mentor texts and student models)
3. Students understand that as writers they will:
Explore topics and ideas they find meaningful (prewriting)
Compose a first draft (drafting)
Extend and rework selected writing (revising)
Edit and proofread their work (editing)
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Table of Contents
Unit Introduction.....................................................................................................PN-1
Table of Contents .....................................................................................................PN-3
PN1.
Characteristics of Personal Narrative (ELA.4.WRT.1.1 & 3.1) .............PN-5
Example of Personal Narrative Elements Chart ...................................PN-8
Personal Narrative Idea List ..................................................................PN-9
Personal Narrative Student Model Watch Out For... ....................PN-11
Example of Teacher Modeling...............................................................PN-12
PN2.
Applying Personal Narrative Elements (ELA.4.WRT.3.1) ..................PN-13
Absolute Innocence by Lois Lowry .....................................................PN-15
PN3.
Narrowing the Topic (ELA.4.WRT.1.6).................................................PN-17
Hourglass graphic organizer .................................................................PN-20
PN4.
Leads (ELA.4.WRT.2.1).........................................................................PN-21
Short Write Sample: Sneaker Wave ..................................................PN-24
Strong Lead Types with examples from SF..........................................PN-25
PN5.
Character Descriptions (ELA.4.WRT.2.3) ............................................PN-27
Student Sample with and without character description ....................PN-29
PN6.
Using Details to Describe Setting (ELA.4.WRT.2.3)............................PN-31
Marven and the Great North Woods excerpt SF p. 218.......................PN-33
PN7.
Transitions (ELA.4.WRT.2.2)................................................................PN-35
Personal Narrative Transition Word List ............................................PN-37
Teacher Sample for Transition Lesson .................................................PN-38
PN8.
Writing Day (ELA.4.WRT.1.5) ..............................................................PN-39
PN9.
An Insightful Ending (ELA.4.WRT.3.1)................................................PN-41
Personal Narrative Endings..................................................................PN-43
Personal Narrative Endings Examples ................................................PN-44
PN10.
Revise Draft for Strong Verbs (ELA.4.WRT.2.3)..................................PN-45
Personal Narrative Model for Strong Verbs .........................................PN-47
PN11.
Group Revision (ELA.4.WRT.1.5) .........................................................PN-49
Peer Revision Guidelines.......................................................................PN-51
PN12.
Sentence Fluency (ELA.4.WRT.2.6)......................................................PN-53
Model for Noticing Sentence Length.....................................................PN-55
PN13.
Revision (ELA.4.WRT.1.7).....................................................................PN-57
Teacher Model for Revision ...................................................................PN-60
Personal Narrative Revision Checklist.................................................PN-61
PN14.
Editing (ELA.4.WRT.1.9) ......................................................................PN-63
Personal Narrative Editing Checklist ..................................................PN-65
Personal Narrative Editing Sample......................................................PN-66
PN15.
Publishing (ELA.4.WRT.1.5).................................................................PN-67
PN16.
Unit Reflection (ELA.4.WRT.1.2)..........................................................PN-69
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Personal Narrative
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Personal Narrative
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Narrative Writing: Personal Narrative (PN1)

Characteristics of Personal Narrative Writing
Writing Teaching Point(s):
Students will brainstorm a new list of possible writing topics to develop as
personal narratives.
Students will determine some characteristics of personal narrative writing by
analyzing a model.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT1.1 & 3.1 Use brainstorming as a strategy to prepare for writing a
personal narrative.
.
Materials:
Copies of graphic organizer for brainstorming personal narrative topics:
copies and one for overhead or data projector
Copies of student model: Watch Out For Your Little Sister (or another
short model of personal narrative), copies for each student and one to use on
overhead
Chart: Personal Narrative Elements
Connection:
Now that we understand the procedures and routines of Writing Workshop, we are
ready to start writing personal narrative pieces. I want you to understand what
makes a personal narrative unique from other kinds of writing, so we will spend our
Writing Workshop time today thinking about what personal narratives are about,
and how writers develop personal narrative pieces.
Teach (modeling):
One of the first things you should know about personal narrative writing is that
these are true stories that really happened to the writer. Personal narratives are
always stories from your life. To help you think of some possible personal narrative
stories, Ive made a brainstorming chart for you to use.
This list invites you to think of some personal narrative ideas that other fourth grade
writers have enjoyed writing about in the past.
Distribute copies of the personal narrative brainstorming chart.
Display one on overhead or data projector
I want to think of as many possible personal narrative topics as I can. So, I am
going to read each category on this chart, then start adding my ideas.
Read through the categories with students.
I have an idea for a personal narrative about a mistake I made when I dressed up
my poor old dog Lucy in a swimsuit. She looked great, but she was not happy. Ill
add a brief note about that idea here in the mistakes category. I dont want to write
the whole story, just enough so I remember what my idea was when I go to write.
Does anyone else have an idea for the mistakes category they could share?
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Invite one or two students to share ideas.

I also have some ideas for family rituals. In my family we walk the dog after school
rain or shine. We also always have a big family dinner on Sundays. Ill add those
ideas. Does anyone else have an idea for the family rituals category?
Invite one or two students to share.
Repeat thinking aloud a few more ideas.
Note: Use the model of a completed chart to demonstrate to students how to think
of ideas or, better yet, add your own personal narrative ideas to a blank chart.
Active Engagement (guided practice):
Now it is time for you to brainstorm ideas for your chart. Dont worry about putting
an idea in every box. Get as many ideas down as you can in whatever categories you
can.
Students start a new list of writing possibilities.
Monitor the class to know when to stop.
Have students Pair Share one or two ideas on their new lists.
Teach (modeling):
Now that we have a list of possible topics for a personal narrative, I want to share
with you how writers develop personal narrative pieces. If I want to write my
personal narrative about learning to make quesadillas with Molly, I dont want to
write a how-to recipe for quesadillas, I want to write a personal narrative story. If
I decide to write about Sunday dinner at Grannys, I dont want to write a map to my
Grannys house, I want to write a personal narrative story.
Writers develop personal narratives using certain writing elements.
Show the chart with Personal Narrative Elements (See attached example)
Go through each element and briefly review what it means.
Now Lets take a look at how another fourth grade writer used these personal
narrative elements to develop her piece.
Pass out copies of Watch Out for Your Little Sister and/or display on the overhead
or data projector.
Read through the entire piece aloud.
Link to Independent Practice:
Did anyone hear some character description in Ashleighs piece?
Have students share the character description they heard. Star, underline or
highlight this in the margin. Jot down character description next to the example.
Have students do the same. (See attached example)
What about setting description?
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Have students share what they read for setting. Star, underline or highlight this in
the margin. Jot down setting description next to the example. Have students do
the same.
Repeat with other personal narrative elements.
Closure:
I want you to save this example in the toolbox section of your writing notebook.
When you start writing your personal narrative tomorrow, youll need to remember
these important elements of personal narrative writing.
Note: You will refer to the chart of personal narrative elements throughout the unit.
If you are using a resources of toolbox section for the writing notebook, have
students record the narrative elements discussed so far.
Notes:
Resources & References: (adapted from, acknowledgements)

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Personal Narrative
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Example of personal narrative element chart to make and refer

to throughout the unit
Personal Narrative Writing
true stories based on events from the writers life. Writers write
personal narrative about topics that matter to them.
Elements of Personal Narrative

Character
Description
Setting
Description
Dialogue
Interesting
details
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Personal Narrative Idea List

Use this list to brainstorm ideas you might write a personal narrative about
Times you learned to do
something: Ride a bike,
make cookies, blow a
bubble
Places you have visited
Scar Stories/Times You

Got Hurt
Family Rituals
Making a New Friend
Starting Over: New

School, New Team, New
House
Best Day or Worst Day
Mistakes
Other Ideas
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Personal Narrative Idea List

Use this list to brainstorm ideas you might write a personal narrative about
Times you learned to do
something: Ride a bike,
make cookies, blow a
bubble
Tie shoes from my
cousin
Places you have visited

Mt. Hood
The beach
Scar Stories/Times You

Got Hurt
Crashing my bike
into my sister
Uncle Howards
Make quesadillas
with Molly
Family Rituals
Making a New Friend
Walk the dog after

school
First day of 3rd grade

with mean Mrs.
Browder
Sunday dinner at
Grannys
Best Day or Worst Day
Mistakes
Mom made my
sisters favorite cake
for my birthday
Dressing up the dog

in a swimsuit
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
Starting Over: New

School, New Team, New
House
Other Ideas
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Watch Out for Your Little Sister

Move, Keyona! I said to my short curly-haired little sister. She
was eating a popsicle, her chubby legs in pink tights. She stood there,
right smack in the middle of the sidewalk, still slurping the juice down
from the cherry flavored popsicle. She sucked on that popsicle like a cat
lapping milk.
I was at my grandmas house on Fremont Street with my sister,
Keyona, and my best friend, Leaha. Leaha is the exact opposite of
Keyona.
I looked around the backstreet where my grandma and grandpa
live. They live in a baby blue house with white trim. All around me
there were rainbow colored leaves, luscious green trees and a rocky
sidewalk.
CRASH! I almost ran into Keyona but she jumped out of the way
just in time. My bikes back wheel washed out as my front wheel flipped
forward. I went flying in the air like an eagle soaring in the sky. Being
the unsafe child that I am, I wasnt wearing pads or even a helmet. So,
when my entire body went skidding over the hard gravel ground, it hurt!
I lay on the ground for about two minutes. I heard wailing. I
opened my eyes and saw Keyona.
Youre not dead, my sister said rubbing here eyes and smiling her
biggest smile. She stood up, dusted off her pants and finished eating her
cherry popsicle.
I looked at Leaha. Leaha looked at me. Then we both laughed and
laughed until our stomachs started growling. So we decided to go get
our own popsicles--lemon-lime.
Ashleigh
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Personal Narrative
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Example of Teacher modeling
Watch Out for Your Little Sister

Dialogue
Move, Keyona! I said to my short curlyhaired little sister. She was eating a popsicle,
her chubby legs in pink tights. She stood
there, right smack in the middle of the
sidewalk, still slurping the juice down from the
cherry flavored popsicle. She sucked on that
popsicle like a cat lapping milk.
I was at my grandmas house on Fremont
Street with my sister, Keyona, and my best
friend, Leaha. Leaha is the exact opposite of
Keyona.
I looked around the backstreet where my
Setting
grandma and grandpa live. They live in a baby
Description
blue house with white trim. All around me
there were rainbow colored leaves, luscious
green trees and a rocky sidewalk.
CRASH! I almost ran into Keyona but
she jumped out of the way just in time. My
bikes back wheel washed out as my front
wheel flipped forward. I went flying in the air
like an eagle soaring in the sky. Being the
unsafe child that I am, I wasnt wearing pads
or even a helmet. So, when my entire body
went skidding over the hard gravel ground, it
hurt!
I lay on the ground for about two
minutes. I heard wailing. I opened my eyes
and saw Keyona.
Dialogue
Youre not dead, my sister said rubbing
here eyes and smiling her biggest smile. She
stood up, dusted off her pants and finished
eating her cherry popsicle.
I looked at Leaha. Leaha looked at me.
Then we both laughed and laughed until our
stomachs started growling. So we decided to go
get our own popsicles--lemon-lime.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
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Character
Description
Interesting
Details
Interesting
Details
Interesting
Details
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Applying Personal Narrative Elements
Writers use certain writing elements when crafting narrative pieces.
Students will study a model of narrative writing looking for how the elements
are used.
Students will write a short write on a narrative topic.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.3.1 Write personal narratives that include ideas, observation, or
memories of an event or experience.
Materials:
Writing notebooks
Chart of Personal Narrative Elements from lesson 1
Copies of Absolute Innocence by Lois Lowry or another short narrative
model written on a topic compelling to 4th graders.
Highlighters or colored pencils
Connection:
Writers, yesterday we learned some of the elements of narrative writing. Lets look
at the list we started.
Review the list of personal narrative elements from chart .
Today we will read another short example of a personal narrative looking for those
important narrative elements.
Teach (modeling):
Pass out copies of Absolute Innocence and display one on the overhead.
Have students read in partners or read aloud for the first reading.
Note: The humor here is subtle so you may need to help students get it.
Yesterday we paid attention to what narratives are about and how they are written.
So first, what was this narrative about?
Students share ideas. Try to funnel the ideas towards something like A time you
got in trouble for doing something foolish.
Who else has ever done something foolish and been caught like Lois did in this
story?
Tell your neighbor your story about doing something foolish.
If time allows, invite three or four students to also share whole group.
Lets jot those stories down on the brainstorm of narrative ideas you all started in
the ideas section of your notebooks yesterday. It could go in mistakes category or
other ideas.
Give students a couple of minutes to add ideas about times they got in trouble.
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Teach (modeling):
Personal Narratives are true stories-sometimes embarrassingly true. But remember
that they are also written with certain elements. Id like you to read Absolute
Innocence one more time. This time highlight any examples you find of the
narrative elements we listed yesterday.
Review Personal Narrative Elements Chart list if needed.
Students read and highlight alone or in partners.
Have students share the personal narrative elements they found in Lowrys
personal narrative.
Writers, today you will choose one of the ideas you listed to begin writing a personal
narrative. Make sure you choose an idea that matters to you. Choose the story you
feel like writing today. All the other ideas will get a chance another day.
Write your piece using as many of the narrative elements as you can.
Refer to Personal Narrative Elements chart.
Look over your list of ideas and star the one you will start today.
Give students some time to select their narrative idea and pair share their ideas.
Write as much as you can on the narrative you chose to write today. Use that great
writing stamina you developed when we did our Launch. You probably wont finish
writing through to the end. Just get as far as you can.
Closure:
Writers, Id like you to share your writing with a partner. Partners have an
important job to do. Listen for what personal narrative elements you hear when your
partner reads.
If time allows have volunteers read short sections of their personal narratives that
demonstrate one of the elements.
Notes:

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Chapter 13
Absolute Innocence
One chilly day when I was in first grade, walking home alone from
school, taking a shortcut through an alley behind my house, I found
what I thought was a very cold mouse, asleep.
I felt sorry for him and thought that if only I could get him warm,
he would wake up, do cute little mousy things, and perhaps I would be
allowed to keep him as a pet. I had never had a pet. My baby brother
had just been born and was something of a disappointment as a
playmate, so I yearned for a lovable creature who would scamper about
at my heels and learn tricks.
Very carefully, I picked him up. At the time, I had not yet read
Stuart Little; so I was not expert at mouseology. I did realize that he
was rather large for a mouse; but The Rats of Nimh had not yet been
written, so I hadnt read that either, and didnt know that there were
other, larger rodents in the same general family as mice.
I carried him home cradled in one arm, and his tail, long and bare
and very stiff, stuck out. He looked vulnerable and homely, with two
visible front teeth my own were missing at the time and as I walked,
I began to think of names for him and to picture how he would come
when I called.
Warming him against my heavy jacket didnt waken him. Clearly
my jacket sleeve wasnt warm enough. So when I entered the house
through the back door, into the kitchen, and heard my mother busy
upstairs with the baby, I carefully turned on the oven. I knew enough to
set it to a low temperature so that it would warm and waken my mouse
gradually. Then I laid him gently inside the oven.
I guess I got busy with my paper dolls and forgot to check on him
for a while. I dont remember, exactly. But that would explain why it
was my mother who first notice that there was something baking.
I always felt that if I had only had a chance to explain, and to
prepare her a bit, it wouldnt have been such a surprise to her when she
opened the oven that day. I felt that if she had just looked at my very
innocent face, my wide-open, completely uncriminal eyes instead of
screaming at me, for no reason whatsoever the whole incident would
have been handled better.
I have always felt that she overreacted.
By Lois Lowry
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Personal Narrative
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Personal Narrative
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Narrowing the Topic
Students will choose a seed idea from their idea bank and will narrow their
topic.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.1.6 Focus on a central idea, excluding loosely related, extraneous, and
repetitious information.
Materials:
Writing notebooks
Teachers own idea bank
Copies of Hourglass Graphic Organizer
Teachers ideas for narrowing topic (or use the one described in this lesson)
Personal Narrative Elements Chart
Connection:
We have been exploring the elements of personal narrative writing. Lets review.
What makes a story a personal narrative?
Check the Personal Narrative Elements chart or whatever method you have used to
record the elements of narrative.
Today you will continue to write using the elements of personal narrative. I want to
share something else with you that writers do when they write narratives. Writers
narrow their topics so they can write an interesting narrative.
When you try to write a narrative about a HUGE topic, it ends up being pretty
boring. Good narratives have a narrow focus.
Teach (modeling)
Writers, today you will choose a new idea from your list of narrative ideas. The
narrative you started yesterday will stay in the drafts section of your notebook.
Remember what we know about narratives and decide which one of those ideas you
want to write a narrative for today. I am going to look at my ideas and choose the
one that is best for me.
Teacher models choosing an idea from the teachers brainstorm chart. (Example, My
Trip to the Beach)
I need to make sure this idea matches the definition of personal narrative. Lets see.
Is it true? Yes. Is it important to me? Yes. Great. Then it is an idea I can choose.
Look over your brainstorm chart. Choose a new idea you want to write about today.
Give a few minutes.
Tell your neighbor what idea you choose.
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Teach (modeling):
Today I need to ask myself another question. I know I need to write a narrative
about a narrow topic. Is the topic of my trip to the beach a narrow topic or a pretty
big story? I think it is pretty big. SO much happened on that trip. I need to narrow
my topic. I want to use one of the strategies for narrowing my topic that we practiced
with our launch.
Show the hourglass graphic organizer.
Who remembers using this in the launch? I think it could really help me find a
narrower focus. I am going to write My trip to the beach at the top here. Now I am
going to list some of the things that happened in the top part of my hourglass.
Model narrowing topic using hourglass (see Launching lesson on narrowing topic.)
Narrow topic to Oregon coast, then to Seaside, then to walking on beach, then to
sneaker wave knocked me down.
Now I have some smaller events. I need to decide which narrowed focus topic I will
write about. I think Ill write about the sneaker wave knocking me down.
Model writing Sneaker wave in the mid-section of the hourglass.
Trip to beach
Oregon Coast
Seaside
Walk on beach
NARROWED FOCUS -> Wave knocked me down

Narrowing my focus is important but that is not all there is to a narrative. I want to
use the bottom of my hourglass for details about my new narrower focus.
Model writing details about the wave:
Seagulls distracted me, felt cold, upside down, heart pounding
Note: Use this story or choose an idea of your own that you can follow through the
next few writing lessons.
Writers, today before you start your short write I want everyone to use this hourglass
to narrow your topic and brainstorm interesting details for your writing. When you
have completed your hourglass, start writing. Get as far as you can in the time we
have today.
Note: Students can simply sketch an hourglass right in their writers notebooks or
you can make copies of the hourglass found in the launch.
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Closure:
Take another look at your hourglass and notice the details you brainstormed. Now
read your writing back to yourself. Did those details make it into your narrative? If
not, you can try including them tomorrow.
Add Have a narrow focus to the chart of personal narrative elements.
If you are using a resources or toolbox section of the writing notebook, have students
add narrow topic to their list of strategies.
Notes:

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Leads
Students will write strong leads for a narrative piece.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.2.1 Select a focus and a point of view based upon a purpose and
audience.
Materials:
Writing notebooks
Short Write Sample Sneaker Wave
Copies of types of leads
Connection:
Writers, yesterday you all did a great job of narrowing the focus of your narrative
topics. The short writes you did yesterday got me really interested in the rest of your
stories.
Getting the reader interested in a story right away is one of the elements of good
narrative writing. Today, we will focus on writing an interesting lead or beginning.
Teach (modeling):
Distribute copies of types of leads and display one copy on the overhead or data
projector.
Beginnings for narratives are called leads and there are lots of ways to write good
leads. I made a list of a few ways writers write interesting leads for you to use today
as you work on your own.
Lets look at some of the ways other writers start their narratives.
You can read each lead aloud or have volunteers take turns reading.
Foreshadowing (A hint of something to come):
It was the time of year Farmer Bailey liked best, when summer turned to fall.
He whistled as he drove along. A cool breeze blew across his face through the
trucks open window. Then it happened. There was a loud thump.
-The Stranger by Chris Van Alsberg p 274
Action:
A storm was approaching, but Peter crawled through the strange little hole in
the fence anyway.
- Time Traveler in Scott Foresman p189
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Dialogue:
Bet you cant jump over that rille, Runt, Vern challenged.
Gary Kandel hated it when his brother called him Runt.
Watch me, Runt, Vern taunted. Ill show you how to do it.
-Moonwalk by Ben Bova p614
Character Description:
Reba Jo loved to twang her guitar and sing while the prairie wind whistled
through the thirsty sagebrush.
-The Horned Prince by Jackie Mims Hopkins p94
Setting Description:
As they entered the camp, the longest shadows Marven had ever seen stretched
across the snow, and he realized with a start that the shadows were the
lumberjacks walking in the moonlight. He could smell hay and manure and saw
silhouettes of horses stomping in a snowy corral.
-Marven of the Great North Woods by Kathryn Lasky p218
Look back over the list of leads. Put a star or check mark next to the one you think
you will try today.
Teach (modeling):
Some of you already had a good lead in your short write yesterday. I like the lead I
used for my short write about the beach. The dialogue sets a mood and I think my
readers will know where I am in the story from the lead. I know I might be able to
write an even better one. Before you start experimenting with your leads, let me show
you how I thought about mine.
Display the sneaker wave short write or the one you wrote yourself.
My lead here is a dialogue lead. I wonder how an action lead might sound? I will
try to remember some specific actions that I was doing that day. I was at the beach,
walking in the sand. I could write I shuffled my feet through damp sand and
tucked a hair behind my ear so the wild wind would stop blowing it. Thats OK, too.
Maybe a character description would be cool. I could describe my son or some of the
other people at the beach.
Today when you start writing, I want everyone to write a lead. Writers write strong
leads. Even if you wrote one you like yesterday, I want you to do what I did and try a
new one.
You can write a lead for the same narrative you wrote yesterday or start a new
narrative with a new lead. When you are satisfied with your lead, keep writing the
rest of the narrative.
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Closure:
Read your lead back to yourself. Now that you have written more do you still like
the lead you started with? Some of you might decide to try a different lead another
day.
Read your lead to your neighbor.
Add Strong Leads to the Personal Narrative elements chart.
Note: If you are using a resources or toolbox section of the writers notebook, have
students add types of leads to their resources.
Notes:

Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
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Sneaker Wave Short Write

Hey Mom, Josh yelled. Want to play Frisbee?
No thanks, Hon. I am happy just walking down the beach looking
at the waves, I answered.
It was the first day of our summer vacation at the Oregon Coast. I
had been waiting for this walk on the beach for weeks. All I wanted to
do was listen to seagulls, watch waves roll-in and hang-out with my son.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 24
DRAFT - August 2009
Personal Narratives start with a strong lead.

Use these examples from the SF anthology to help you plan the lead that best
matches your personal narrative.
Foreshadowing (A hint of something to come):
It was the time of year Farmer Bailey liked best, when summer turned to fall. He
whistled as he drove along. A cool breeze blew across his face through the trucks
open window. Then it happened. There was a loud thump.
-The Stranger by Chris Van Alsberg, SF p. 274
Action:
A storm was approaching, but Peter crawled through the strange little hole in the
fence anyway.
- Time Traveler , SF p189
Dialogue:
Bet you cant jump over that rille, Runt, Vern challenged.
Gary Kandel hated it when his brother called him Runt.
Watch me, Runt, Vern taunted. Ill show you how to do it.
-Moonwalk by Ben Bova, SF p. 614
Character Description:
Reba Jo loved to twang her guitar and sing while the prairie wind whistled
through the thirsty sagebrush.
-The Horned Prince by Jackie Mims Hopkins p94
Setting Description:
As they entered the camp, the longest shadows Marven had ever seen stretched
across the snow, and he realized with a start that the shadows were the
lumberjacks walking in the moonlight. He could smell hay and manure and saw
silhouettes of horses stomping in a snowy corral.
-Marven of the Great North Woods by Kathryn Lasky p218
Try a lead for your narrative. If you like it, use it. If not, try another lead.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 25
DRAFT - August 2009
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 26
DRAFT - August 2009

Character Descriptions
Students will describe character as one of the elements of narrative writing
by using details that create a picture in the readers mind.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.2.3 Use words that describe, explain, or provide additional details and
connections.
Materials:
Writing notebooks
Copy of student model, Kitchen Story, for the overhead
Copies of the student model or trade book excerpt for students or any trade
book you enjoy using that has a short excerpt with character development.
Highlighters or colored pencils for marking text
For additional lessons see TQW I-22, I-23, I-25
Connection:
Writers, yesterday you wrote strong leads for one of your seed ideas. You had
already narrowed down your seed idea using the hourglass. Today you can keep
working on that same narrative or you can choose to start a new one. We will spend
our writing time today working with one of the important elements of narrative; the
characters.
Teach (modeling):
Writers have many ways of developing characters. I want to show some of those
ways to you today.
Pass out copies of student model or excerpt from a trade book. If you are using a
trade book, students need to have already read it. Begin with a review of what
students know about the character(s) before analyzing the passage.
Lets read this example.
Read the passage aloud or have partners read it.
What do we learn about the character from the way the author wrote this?
Have students share what we know. As they share, ask them to find a sentence
that shows that. When a student shares a sentence that reveals the character,
highlight it. Have students highlight their copies as well. Repeat two or three
times. (See attached example)
If using a longer excerpt from a trade book, students may need time to finish
finding examples of character development.
Read over the techniques for developing character that students uncovered.
Can anyone think of another way to develop characters that the writer did not use
here, but you might want to use?
Today when you write, you will use these character development techniques to
describe one or more of the characters in your narrative.
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Personal Narrative
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DRAFT - August 2009
Teach (modeling)
Now lets practice together.
Teacher chooses a character the entire class knows (from the school, or a tv
character). Student partners come up with ideas about the characters appearance,
actions and dialogue.
Teacher records student ideas at the overhead or data projector.
Writers create characters that become real to the reader. Today before you write
take a few minutes to brainstorm details about one of the people in your narrative.
As you write, make sure you use at least one of these techniques to develop your
characters.
Remember that you can keep working on the narrative you already started or
switch to a different one.
Closure:
Writers, reread what you wrote today and find the places you developed your
characters. With a partner, share one or two sentences where you developed one of
your characters. Partners, close your eyes and see if you can picture this character. If
not, ask your partner some questions you have about the characters.
Give students time to pair share.
Who will volunteer to share their character development example?
A few volunteers share with whole group. After each writer shares, identify the
technique they used to develop their character.
Add the ways writers develop characters to the character description
element of the Personal Narrative Element Chart.
If you are using a resources or toolbox section of the writers notebook, have
students record the ways writers develop characters.
Notes:

Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 28
DRAFT - August 2009
Kitchen Story by Arainnia

Read the beginning of Arainnias story about learning to cook from her greatgrandmother, Granny. Notice how Arainnia lets the reader know about her granny.
Granny came walking in the kitchen with an excited face. Her black and gray
curly hair bounced up and down while she walked. She went directly to the cabinet
still wearing her happy expression. She grabbed her biggest pot and put it on the
stove.
Granny, are you feeling okay? I asked.
I am feeling great baby. I am cooking my famous greens that will make your
soul sing, she answered.
I walked out of the kitchen still watching Granny. She started humming This
Little Light of Mine.
I decided to go back. I walked in the kitchen and asked, Can I help you
Granny?
Of course you can, Baby Girl. As long as you dont give away my secret recipe.
Do we have a deal?
Deal, I said.
What do you notice Arainnia did to let the reader know about the character of her
granny?
Think of one of the people in one of your personal narratives. Brainstorm details
about the character the same way Arainnia did.
Character:
Appearance:
How the character
looks
Actions:
What the character
does
Dialogue:
How the character
sounds
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 29
DRAFT - August 2009
Kitchen Story by Arainnia

Read the beginning of Arainnia story about learning to cook from her greatgrandmother, Granny. Notice how Arainnia lets the reader know about her granny.
Granny came walking in the kitchen with an excited face. Her black and gray
curly hair bounced up and down while she walked. She went directly to the cabinet
still wearing her happy expression. She grabbed her biggest pot and put it on the
stove.
Granny, are you feeling okay? I asked.
I am feeling great baby. I am cooking my famous greens that will make your
soul sing, she answered.
I walked out of the kitchen still watching Granny. She started humming This
Little Light of Mine.
I decided to go back. I walked in the kitchen and asked, Can I help you
Granny?
Of course you can, Baby Girl. As long as you dont give away my secret recipe.
Do we have a deal?
Deal, I said.
What do you notice Arainnia did to let the reader know about the character of her
granny?
Think of one of the people in one of your narratives. Brainstorm details about the
character the same way Arainnia did.
Character:
Appearance:
How the character
looks
Actions:
What the character
does
Dialogue:
How the character
sounds
Grade 4 Writing
Black and gray curly hair

Happy expression
Grabbed her biggest pot
I am feeling great baby

As long as you dont give away my secret recipe
Personal Narrative
PN - 30
DRAFT - August 2009

Using Details to Describe the Setting
Students will describe setting by using details that create a picture in the
readers mind.
Standard(s):
connections.
Materials:
Class set SF Anthology
Mentor texts:
Marven of the Great North Woods SF Anthology (excerpt p218) or a short
model of strong setting description from a familiar trade book.
Note: It is best if the whole text is familiar to writers before they study one small
piece of the text for a craft lesson.
Connection:
Writers, we study the work of other writers to make our own writing better. We have
studied other writers to see what makes narrative writing unique and we have
studied narratives to understand character development. Today well look at the
ways Kathryn Lasky describes setting in her story, Marven of the Great North
Woods, to help us develop the settings of our own narratives.
When writers write narratives they describe the setting-where and when the story
takes place.
Teach (modeling)
Lets read how author Kathryn creates a picture in our minds of a new, cold place
Marven has come to live. Listen as I read through once. When I finish, help me list
the ways she described the setting.
Teacher reads first page of Marven of the Great North Woods, pg 218.
Students pair share setting details and description they heard. After pair sharing,
have students share setting details whole group as teacher records them.
Suggestions:
He could smell hay and manure= smell details
Marven stared=how the narrator feels in the place
Like a pack of frantic grizzly bears=comparison/simile
Note: To make students more active participants, have them share a detail verbally
and then record it on a large piece of paper or sentence strip with marker. Students
hang the examples they shared and copied on the wall for others to see.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
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DRAFT - August 2009
Teach (modeling):
Now, lets look again at my Seaside trip. I have my drafts. I am thinking of the
setting details. I am going to brainstorm some details and list them on the left hand
side of my notebook where I put my changes. For details, I close my eyes and
visualize an imaginary movie of that day on the beach. I see grey sky that melts into
a grey ocean. I hear angry waves crashing onto the shore. I smell the fishy smell of
rotting seaweed.
Teacher lists:
*grey sky melts into grey ocean
*angry waves crashing
*fishy smell of rotting seaweed
I am going to try including these details as I write today. I might add a sentence
that describes setting to a section I already wrote or I might include setting
description in the new sections I write today.
Writers describe setting when they write personal narratives. Today you can start a
new personal narrative or continue writing one you already started. Just make sure
to describe the setting. Before you write today-whether you are returning to a draft
you already started or starting a new one. Close your eyes and visualize an
imaginary movie. Jot down some setting details on the left hand side of your writing
notebook before you write. When you have your setting details brainstormed, write
your personal narrative.
Closure:
Read your narrative back to yourself. Find where you described setting. If you
dont see any setting details, mark a spot to add setting tomorrow.
Have a few students share their examples of setting description.
Add the ways writers develop setting to the element of setting description
on the Personal Narrative Element Chart.
If you are using a resources or toolbox section of the writers notebook, have
students add setting description to their tools.
Notes:

Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 32
DRAFT - August 2009
Writers describe setting so that readers get a picture in their minds about where and
when a story takes place. Read how Kathryn Lasky describes the setting of a lumber
camp in Marven and the Great North Woods.
Students highlight examples of descriptive vocabulary for a setting.
P.218
As they entered the camp, the longest shadows Marven had ever
seen stretched across the snow, and he realized with a start that the
shadows were the lumberjacks walking in the moonlight. He could smell
hay and manure and saw silhouettes of horses stomping in a snowy
corral. From a nearby log building he heard the lively squeaks of a
fiddle. It seemed for a moment as if the horses were keeping time to the
music. Mr. Murray must have thought the same.
You want to watch the horses dance, or the jacks? He laughed. Come
along, well take a look.
When they entered the building, the long shadows from the yard
suddenly sprung to life. Marven stared. Immense men with long beards
and wild hair were jumping around to the fiddlers tune like a pack of
frantic grizzly bears. They were the biggest and wildest men Marven
had ever seen.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 33
DRAFT - August 2009
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 34
DRAFT - August 2009

Transitions
Student will use appropriate transitions in their personal narrative.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.2.2 Provide transitions to link paragraphs.
Materials:
Transition Words List, copies for each student
Personal Narrative draft
Personal Narrative Model for overhead or data projector
Connection:
Now that you have written two paragraphs, lets add transitions. Weve all used a
VCR or DVD to fast forward through sections of a movie. Transition words do the
same thing for writers they move us along to the important part of our story.
Teach (modeling)
Teacher writes the word transition on chart paper.
Lets explore this word: trans means across or change. Transition words help
connect events in a personal narrative so the writing smoothly connects from event to
event. Here are some examples of transition words
Pass out Transition Word List
Lets look over these words. Which ones have you used before as a writer? Are there
any you dont understand?
Im looking at my personal narrative short write. I have added some character
development and also more about the setting, just like you did. Now I want to make
sure the different parts of my writing are connected with transitions. Remember that
writers use transitions to move the reader along through the story piece.
Teacher puts Personal Narrative sample draft on document camera or overhead.
I need some transitions to help the reader move forward in time from one paragraph
and event to the next paragraph and event. Lets look at the Transition Words List
for something that fits and makes sense.
I like the words After that, and I also like the word Later. Both would work when I
write different actions. I think Ill add After that to my paragraph about deciding to
head down the beach.
Model adding the transition word where it belongs.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 35
DRAFT - August 2009

Writers today as you write add some transition words to your personal narrative.
Transitions will help your reader move through your piece. You can add some
transition words to the personal narrative you are almost done with or you can
concentrate on adding transition words to the sections you write today.
Closure:
Have students reread their drafts and find the transition words they used.
Zip around the room and have every student read one transition word they used.
Add good writers use transitions to move the reader forward in the
writing to the What Do Good Writers Do? Chart..
If you have a resources or toolbox section of your writing notebook, have students
add transitions to their tools.
Notes:
Attached is a transition word list, but use whatever list is appropriate for your
class, or add words to this one.
Other lists are in Writers Express page 85, Four Square Writing Methods by Judith
S. and Evan Jay Gould, page 65.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 36
DRAFT - August 2009
Personal
Narrative
Transition
Words
After all
Finally
After that
First
Again
Gradually
Another time
In the first place
Also
Instead
One reason
As soon as
Just After
Since
Another
Just Before
Suddenly
Before
Later
This
Because
Last(ly)
The next day
Besides that
Most of all
Yesterday
But
More than
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 37
Next
Once
DRAFT - August 2009
Personal Narrative model for transition lesson

No thanks, Hon. I am happy just walking down the beach looking at the
waves, I answered.
I watched Josh toss the Frisbee back and forth with his friend Ian. I couldnt
believe how tall he had gotten. He was growing into a strong young man. His
orange shorts that seemed so big at the start of summer now barely fit him.
It was the first day of our summer vacation at the Oregon Coast. I had been waiting for
this walk on the beach for weeks. All I wanted to do was listen to seagulls, watch waves roll-in
and hang-out with my son.
I walked for a while noticing the scream of the seagulls. What are they always chattering
about, I wondered.
I decided to head further down the beach to check out some cool rocks.
I found myself unable to walk. I was surrounded by water. A giant, cold
wave had washed over me.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 38
DRAFT - August 2009

Writing Day
Writers make decisions about what pieces to finish and revise.
Students will choose one of their short writes or drafts to finish writing.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.1.5 Use the writing process prewriting, drafting, revising, editing,
and publishing successive versions.
Materials:
Writing notebooks
Chart or list of narrative elements from lesson 1
Connection:
Writers, you have done some great personal narrative writing over the past two
weeks. Today you will have some time to finish one of the personal narratives you
started.
Teach (modeling):
In order to know which personal narrative you want to finish you will need to
reread your short writes and drafts.
You are trying to find the one that you want to finish writing today. This will be a
piece that you work on revising and editing, so make sure you choose a story you feel
ready to commit the time and effort required for revising and editing. Dont just
choose the one you wrote the most for already. That might be your most important
piece, but a short one might be the one you care about the most.
Students reread all their drafts and short writes. This will take different amounts
of time for different students. When most students have reread and chosen, get the
attention of the class again and lead the next step of the lesson.
Teach (modeling):
Now that you have decided which narrative you want to finish you need to think
about the rest of the story.
I want everyone to spend one silent minute thinking about the next parts of their
narrative through to the end.
Students pair share ideas for the rest of the events of their personal narratives.
Teach (modeling):
Review the list of narrative elements.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 39
DRAFT - August 2009

Writers, I want you to get as far as you can with your personal narrative today.
Dont rush to the end since that isnt good writing. Just stay focused on your
personal narrative and get as far as you can.
If you get stuck look at our list of personal narrative elements or use one of the what
can you do when you get stuck strategies. (See Launch Lesson 7)
Closure:
Students read drafts to a partner.
Notes:

Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 40
DRAFT - August 2009

An Insightful Ending
Students will write an ending that provides insight into why the event is
memorable, creating a sense of closure.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.3.1 Provide insight into why the selected event or experience is
memorable.
Materials:
Note: It is best if students use familiar text for this lesson. If you have other
narrative or realistic fiction texts that students know, use this lesson to look at the
endings of those pieces. While the pieces listed here all offer strong endings, if
students have not read these anthology selections, it will be hard to get a sense of
how the endings work.
SF Anthology Grandfathers Journey, p81
SF Anthology Adelinas Whales, p307
SF Anthology The Great Kapok Tree p375
SF Anthology The Houdini Box, p 409
3-coumn anchor chart with types of endings, examples from books and space
for student examples.
Connection:
Today is a big day because we all write the ending to our personal narratives. As we
have all along, we will read examples of authors work. This time we will notice the
endings, notice what the authors do, and then do it ourselves.
Teach (modeling):
Read through different types of endings (see attached)
Teacher models creating an ending for the Seaside story.
First I reread my entire story. Then I think, what can I do to leave readers with a
lasting impression and give them a sense of closure? I brainstorm several ideas.
How about strong action? Let me think of what I did last.
I wasnt about to let the water and sand in my shoes and clothes keep me
from enjoying my day. I stormed off to our car, to find some dry clothes.
On the way I told my son he better be ready to play Frisbee with me when
I got back.
Now I am thinking, does that work with the story? Maybe, but lets try something
else. Lets try strong feelings.
The wave had pushed me over with an energy force I was not used to. As I
sat in the wet sand, and worked hard to get my bearings, I realized I may
be strong, but I was no match for mother nature.
Now I will choose one I like. I think I like the last one I wrote, the strong feelings one
because it says just what I was thinking at the moment and it leaves me something to
think about.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 41
DRAFT - August 2009

Today as you write, pay attention to your ending. Even if you already wrote an
ending for your narrative yesterday, do what I did and try another.
As you write, I will walk around and look for endings you are trying and invite you to
add them to our anchor chart.
Closure:
Review the student examples that were added to the anchor chart
and/or Popcorn share endings. Students notice type of ending and why it works.
Add write strong endings to the Personal Narrative elements chart.
If you are using a resources or toolbox section of the writers notebook, have students
add ideas about endings.
Notes:
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 42
DRAFT - August 2009
Personal Narrative Endings

Strong Feelings
I think I know my grandfather now. I miss him very much.
-Grandfathers Journey
Strong Images.
Every afternoon Adelina continues to gaze across the water. Sometimes
now, when she closes her eyes, she can still see the whales swimming by.
And if she listens really closely, she can hear their breathing.
- Adelinas Whales
Strong Action
The man stood and picked up his ax. He swung back his arm as though
to strike the tree. Suddenly he stopped. He turned and looked at the
animals and the child. He hesitated. Then he dropped the ax and walked
out of the forest.
-The Great Kapok Tree
Strong Image
And that night, while his wife and son slept downstairs and the attic
shadows vanished in the pale, blue fall of moonlight, Victor locked
himself inside his grandmothers trunk and escaped in under twenty
seconds.
-The Houdini Box
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 43
DRAFT - August 2009
Personal Narrative Endings Examples

Type
Example from a book
Student examples
from our class
Strong I think I know my grandfather

Feelings now. I miss him very much.
-Grandfathers Journey
Every afternoon Adelina
continues to gaze across the
water. Sometimes now, when
she closes her eyes, she can still
see the whales swimming by.
And if she listens really closely,
she can hear their breathing.
Adelinas Whales
The man stood and picked up
his ax. He swung back his arm
as though to strike the tree.
Suddenly he stopped. He turned
and looked at the animals and
the child. He hesitated. Then he
dropped the ax and walked out
of the forest.
-The Great Kapok Tree
And that night, while his wife
and son slept downstairs and
the attic shadows vanished in
the pale, blue fall of moonlight,
Victor locked himself inside his
grandfathers trunk and escaped
in under twenty seconds.
-The Houdini Box
Strong
Images
Strong
Action
Strong
Image
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 44
DRAFT - August 2009

Revise Draft for Strong Verbs
Students will revise their draft for strong verbs.
Note: Your students might need a couple of writing days to simply write their
pieces through to the end. If so, just review the personal narrative elements charts
as the writing lesson and have students share in various groupings as closure.
Standard(s):
connections.
Materials:
The Batboy and his Violin, Gavin Curtis, Scott Foresman Trade Books or
another familiar trade book that uses strong verbs.
Model of teachers narrative to revise
Connection:
Students, you have worked hard at creating wonderful personal narrative stories,
but you arent finished yet. We jump into revision today.
Today we take our drafts and look for ways to make them stronger. One key to help
writing become stronger is with word choice. Today we will look at action words or
verbs. The more specific the verb, the more energy the sentence will have and the
clearer your readers images will be.
Teach (modeling)
Writers, verbs are words that describe an action in a sentence. But some verbs are
stronger than others. For example, compare a verb like walk to the verb trundle or
the verb laugh to giggle. Being specific with verbs makes your writing clearer.
Use these excerpts from The Batboy and his Violin is a narrative about a boy who likes to play violin, but
his father wants him to play baseball.
I sashay my bow across the violin strings the way a mosquito skims a
summer pond. . . When the backdoor slams and metal cleats stomp onto the
kitchen floor, I know Papa is home. . . I try to play louder than Papas voice
by sawing the music hard.
Did anyone hear a cool verb as I read to you?
Have students share.
Lets all pretend we are playing the violin, sashay your bow.
Have students slowly and delicately slide a bow across their imaginary violins.
After his dad comes home, he writes that he saws the music. What does sawing our
imaginary violins look like?
Have students saw their imaginary violins.
Verbs really let you know how someone does something.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 45
DRAFT - August 2009

Working in partners, ask students to brainstorm some possible verbs that could fit
into this blank sentence:
The rain _____________________________on the window.
Share lists in large group. Ask students to visualize and discuss the changes that
each verb makes to the picture created.
Teacher shows draft of Seaside story. As a class, identify the verbs. Students help
the teacher decide on a few weak verbs. Students brainstorm more powerful and
specific verbs as replacements. Teacher models crossing out weak verbs and
inserting strong verbs with a caret pointing to the new verb. (see attached example)
Students return to their own draft and highlight most of their verbs and change 3-5
to a more specific verb. They brainstorm/or use a thesaurus or word list to look for
synonyms. Students revise their writing, choosing the verbs that make the picture
clear in the readers mind.
Note: This writers workshop need not be silent. It is helpful to writers to ask each
other for help revising for word choice.
Also, be cautious with the thesaurus. Make sure students understand the words
they find.
Closure:
Whole group popcorn share, sharing strong new verbs.
Add Use strong verbs to Personal Narrative elements chart
If you are using a resources or toolbox section of the writing notebook, have
students add powerful verbs ideas.
Notes:
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 46
DRAFT - August 2009
Personal Narrative Model for Strong Verbs Lesson

waves, I answered.
I walked for a while, noticing the scream of the seagulls. What are they always chattering
about, I wondered.
After that I decided to head further down the beach to check out some cool
rocks.
All of a sudden I found myself unable to walk. I was surrounded by water. A
giant, cold wave had washed over me.
The wave had pushed me over with an energy force I was not used to. As I sat
in the wet sand, and worked hard to get my bearings, I realized I may be strong, but
I was no match for mother nature.

staring
waves, I answered.
I walked for a while, noticing the scream of the seagulls. What are they always chattering
about, I wondered.
explore
After that I decided to head further down the beach to check out some cool rocks.
All of a sudden I found myself unable to walk. I was surrounded by water. A
giant, cold wave had washed over me.
forced
The wave had pushed me over with an energy force I was not used to. As I sat
in the wet
struggled
sand, and worked hard to get my bearings, I realized I may be strong, but I was no
match for mother nature.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 47
DRAFT - August 2009
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 48
DRAFT - August 2009

Group Revision
Students will continue revision in groups, gathering suggestions from each
other.
Standard(s):
editing, and publishing successive versions.
Materials:
Student Drafts
Peer Revision Guidelines and suggestions for starters
Slips of paper-the remainder of 81/2 X 14 copy paper works well
Clipboards
Ideas for groups of three or four
Connection:
We have been working hard to make our writing better. Today you will share your
writing with a group and they will give you feedback. Writers need to get feedback
from other writers in order to know what is working and what could be better.
Teach (modeling)
Ask four students to be models for a revision group (fishbowl style). Those students
should be good writers open to suggestion, but their writing has room for
improvement. Those four students sit on the floor with their stories, slips of paper
on a clip board, peer revision guidelines and suggestion starters.
The rest of the class is sitting or standing around this group.
Teacher asks for one of the four to go first. The students follow the procedure that
revision groups will follow, except only have one student share during the modeling.
One student reads their story. Group members begin by identifying what is working
in the piece or what they liked about it. Once compliments have been shared, group
members offer advice for any places that might be revised.
Give time for members to complete their suggestion before going onto the next
writer. Explain or even demonstrate how to record a compliment on the front of the
slip and a suggestion on the back. Group members sign their suggestion papers and
give them to the writer to use while revising.
Its the writers choice to follow the suggestions or not.
Teacher monitors and interjects as needed.
Teacher assembles heterogeneous groups of four. Each group follows the procedure
and makes sure each student has a chance to go through the whole process of
reading their story getting feedback from the members of their group.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 49
DRAFT - August 2009

Students read suggestions and decide which would make their writing better.
Closure:
Ask class, Who used a suggestion from their group to strengthen their narrative?
What did you do?
If you are using a resources or toolbox section of the writers notebook, have students
add ideas about the group revision process.
Notes:
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 50
DRAFT - August 2009
Peer Revision Guidelines and Response Suggestions

1.
2.
Get into groups of about 4.

Everyone needs slips of paper to use in offering feedback and
something to write with.
3. Everyone needs the draft they want feedback on
4. Find a spot to work where everyone can see and hear the
members of the group.
5. One person reads at a time.
6. The rest of the group listens closely trying to find the parts that
are working and the parts that are not.
7. After the writer shares, each member of the group writes down
one specific part of the writing they thought was working well.
8. After noticing what is working well, every member of the group
offers one suggestion for making the piece even better.
9. It is very important to start by noticing what is working in the
piece, so listen closely!
10. Listen respectfully. Writing is a group effort and today is an
important part of your work.
Suggestions for what to compliment:
Lead
Character Development
Setting Description
Powerful Verbs
Sentence Variety
Strong Ending
Parts that are sad or scary or funny
Suggestions for what to offer advice about:

Any part you didnt get a picture in your head as a reader.
Any part that confused you.
Any part you wondered why the writer included something.
Any part you wanted to know more about.
Remember to write your compliment on one side of the paper and your suggestion on
the other.
Dont forget to sign you feedback slip.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 51
DRAFT - August 2009
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 52
DRAFT - August 2009

Sentence Fluency
Students will revise their draft for sentence fluency (flow of the writing and
variety in sentence beginnings, length, and structure).
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.2.6 Create interesting sentences using a variety of sentence patterns by
selecting words that describe, explain, or provide additional detail
and connections.
Materials:
Mentor text:
SF Anthology Because of Winn Dixie, p. 25
Student copies of excerpt to analyze for sentence fluency
Copy of excerpt for document camera or overhead
Connection:
Yesterday we began revising our personal narrative drafts using strong verbs. We
will continue revision today by examining our sentences. We will check the flow of the
sentences and make sure we have variety in sentence beginnings, length, and
structures.
Teach (modeling)
Earlier this year we read Because of Winn-Dixie. This is an example of a personal
narrative and also an example of how writers use sentence variety. Lets look at the
beginning of Because of Winn Dixie. Kate uses interesting sentence fluency and
variety in this passage.
Teacher puts excerpt on document camera or overhead. Students follow along with
their own copies.
Lets start by noticing the sentence lengths in this passage. How many words are in
the first sentence?
Model counting and writing the number in the column or margin.
Is there variety in the way the author began each sentence?
Now you finish counting the number of words in each of the other sentences. Jot
down the number.
Students count.
What did you notice?
Students pair share what they noticed and then a few share whole group.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 53
DRAFT - August 2009
Teach (modeling):
Lets take a look at how Kates sentences start. We know good writers use variety in
their writing, sentence beginnings should be varied too.
Model underlining the first four words in each sentence.
Write the first words in the column to the right. Students keep up with you.
What did you notice about how these sentences start?
Students pair share and a few whole group share.
Today when you write, Focus on your sentence variety so your writing sounds
interesting.
First, count the words in each sentence. I need you to jot down the number in the
margin so I can see it. If you have a lot of sentences of the same length, change some.
If you have some sentences that are super-duper long, add more punctuation.
After you are happy with your sentence lengths, underline the first four words of each
sentence. Make sure they start in different ways. If they all start the same way,
change some.
Closure:
What changes did you make? What did you notice about yourself as a writer?
Add write a variety of sentence lengths and types to the Personal
Narrative elements chart.
If you are using a resources or toolbox section of the notebook, have students record
ideas about sentence variety.
Notes:
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 54
DRAFT - August 2009
Model for Noticing Sentence Length

Number of
words in
the
sentence
Passage from Because of Winn-Dixie by

Kate DiCamillo
Beginnings
First four words of each
sentence
I spent a lot if time that summer

at the Herman W. Block Memorial
Library. The Herman W. Block
Memorial Library sounds like it
would be a bi fancy place, but its
not. Its just a little old house full
of books, and Miss Franny Block is
in charge of them all. She is a
very small, very old woman with
short gray hair, and she was the
first friend I made in Naomi.
It all started with Winn Dixie not
liking it when I went into the
library, because he couldnt go
inside, too. But I showed him how
he could stand up on his hind legs
and look in the window and see me
in there, selecting my books; and
he was okay, as long as he could
see me. But the thing was, the
first time Miss Franny Block saw
Winn-Dixie standing up on his
hind legs like that, looking in the
window, she didnt think he was a
dog. She thought he was a bear.
What did you notice about the way Kate DiCamillo varied her sentences in this
passage?
Why do you think she chose to write some very long sentences and some short ones?
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 55
DRAFT - August 2009
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 56
DRAFT - August 2009

Revision
Students will use a revision checklist to make final changes to drafts before
editing.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.1.7 Use a revision checklist to review evaluate, and revise writing for
meaning and clarity.
Materials:
Revision checklists for every student
Revision checklist for overhead or data projector
Colored pencils and/or highlighters
Model of teachers story for demonstration
Connection:
Writers, we are coming to the end of our unit on personal narrative writing. I am
really impressed with the detailed narratives you have been writing. Today we will
revise our drafts one last time to make sure they are the best they can be.
Teach (modeling):
Note: You will need to alternate displaying the checklist and the model. Keep both
handy.
Display a copy of the revision checklist on the data projector or document camera.
Writers, this is a checklist with the important elements of personal narrative writing
we have been working on. Some of the elements on this list will already be in your
personal narrative, others will need to be added or made better.
Lets use this checklist to do some revisions to my narrative before you start on your
own. That way each of you will know how to use this checklist to help you as a
writer. There are a lot of ideas on this checklist. You wont revise for every one of
these elements. You will choose which revisions to make your writing the best it can
be.
Display teacher model of personal narrative.
First, Writers always start revision by simply rereading. You notice a lot by
rereading. When you reread, you might notice something you want to change. You
can do that before you start with the checklist.
Read back through the teachers model.
I am pretty happy with this so I will start using the checklist now. The first thing
on the checklist is the lead. Ill look just at my lead/first paragraph. I am going to
highlight my lead with one color.
Highlight or underline with colored pencil as you reread the lead.
I am happy with the lead. I like the dialogue because it lets the reader know that
Josh and I get along well and are both having a good time. But lets see how your
lead sounds to you.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 57
DRAFT - August 2009

Writers, take out your personal narrative drafts and highlight your lead with one
color. Read your lead and decide if you want to change it or leave it.
Give students a few minutes to reread leads.
How many people want to revise their leads? How many are ready to say the lead is
as good as it can be?
Have a few students share the revisions they want to make to their leads and why.
Teach (modeling):
Lets look at the next element on the checklist. HMMM, character description. I am
going to get a new color and look for character description.
Model highlighting any character development.
I have some but I think I could add more details. My readers might want to know
more about Josh. I havent written anything about all the other people at the beach
that day. Lets see where I might add more.
Model choosing spots to add more about the characters. (See attached example)
Now I am satisfied with my character development.
Take a look at your draft. Look for character development and highlight it with a
new color. Mark spots you could add more. Try to think of what your reader will
want to know more about jut like we did with my beach story.
Give students a few minutes to reread for character.
Show me with your fingers how many spots you found to add more character
development.
Note: Some students might not need or want to add character. Every student does
not need to add every element. That would just make their pieces clunky. As long
as everyone adds or deletes something, they are revising.
Repeat this process with as many items on the checklist as you determine are
helpful to your writers to have demonstrated.
Writers you will have all of writing workshop today for revision. Use your checklist
and your highlighters to make your drafts the best they can be. I have set aside so
much time because the work of revision is really important.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 58
DRAFT - August 2009
Closure:
Ask for a show of hands for students who worked on leads, then characters, then
setting
Have a few volunteers share their sections they revised.
Notes:

Lesson adapted from Linda Christensen and the Oregon Writing Project
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 59
DRAFT - August 2009
Teacher Model for Revision

I am satisfied with
my lead.

No thanks, Hon. I am happy just walking down the
beach staring at the waves, I answered.
I watched Josh toss the Frisbee back and forth with his
friend Ian. I couldnt believe how tall he had gotten. He was
growing into a strong young man. His orange shorts that
seemed so big at the start of summer now barely fit him.
It was the first day of our summer vacation at the Oregon Coast.
I had been waiting for this walk on the beach for weeks. All I wanted to
I walked for a while, noticing the scream of the seagulls. What
are they always chattering about, I wondered.
After that I decided to explore further down the beach to
check out some cool rocks.
All of a sudden I found myself unable to walk. I was
surrounded by water. A giant, cold wave had washed over me.
The wave had forced me over with an energy force I was
not used to. As I sat in the wet sand, and struggled to get my
bearings, I realized I may be strong, but I was no match for
mother nature.
1. Add more about

the other people
at the beach-the
old man with his
tiny dog, the
couple with the
new baby, the
teenagers with
all their sports
gear.
2. Tell about Josh

coming to see if I
was OK. He is
such a nice boy!
Grade 4 Writing

No thanks, Hon. I am happy just walking down the
beach staring at the waves, I answered.
I watched Josh toss the Frisbee back and forth with his
friend Ian. I couldnt believe how tall he had gotten. He was
growing into a strong young man. His orange shorts that
seemed so big at the start of summer now barely fit him.
It was the first day of our summer vacation at the Oregon Coast.
I had been waiting for this walk on the beach for weeks. All I wanted to
I walked for a while, noticing the scream of the seagulls. What
are they always chattering about, I wondered. 1
After that I decided to explore further down the beach to
check out some cool rocks.
All of a sudden I found myself unable to walk. I was
surrounded by water. A giant, cold wave had washed over me.
2
The wave had forced me over with an energy force I was not used to. As
I sat in the wet sand, and struggled to get my bearings, I realized I may
be strong, but I was no match for mother nature.
Personal Narrative
PN - 60
DRAFT - August 2009
Personal Narrative Revision Checklist

We have learned so many ways to develop really strong pieces. Use this
revision checklist to help make sure your piece is the best it can be.
Remember that writers make lots and lots of changes to their drafts.
Lead
What type of lead to use?
Do you think this is the best lead for your personal
narrative?
Character Development
Find places you described your characters. You can
develop characters by telling what they look like, how they act and
what they say.
Setting Description
Writers describe setting with sensory details. Find places
in your narrative that you describe your setting.
Satisfying Ending
Writers pay attention to how their personal narratives end.
Reread your ending. Are you okay with it? If not, take some time
to change it now.
Word Choice
Writers use the best words they can think of when they are
writing. Take another look at your writing and check these types
of words.
Verbs
Transitions
Writers use powerful verbs.
Highlight all your verbs again and

change a few to more powerful
ones.
Make sure you used transition

words, 3-4 transitions, to connect
the ideas and events in your
personal narrative.
If you cant find enough

transitions, add some now.
If you have a lot of transitions, get

rid of any you dont need.
When you have made all the revision changes you need, you are ready to edit.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 61
DRAFT - August 2009
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 62
DRAFT - August 2009
Narrative Writing: Personal Narrative (PN 14)

Editing
Writers want an audience to easily read their writing.
Students will edit their personal narrative drafts once revision is completed.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.1.9 Edit and proofread own writing, as well as that of others, using the
writing conventions, and for example, an editing checklist. Or list of
rules with specific examples of corrections of specific errors.
Materials:
Editing checklists for each student
Model of an edited piece
Highlighters or colored pencils
Connection:
Writers, you made so many smart revisions to how your personal narratives sound.
Now you are ready to make sure your writing looks as good as it can before you
recopy it as final draft.
Teach (modeling):
Pass out copies of the editing checklist. Have students read over the checklist.
This checklist is a tool for you to use in making the final changes to your personal
narrative. I want you to work carefully to complete one point on the Editing
Checklist at a time. If you really dont have any mistakes in your narrative that tells
me you didnt take any chances as a writer.
All writers make errors that they correct during the editing process.
Display the model of an edited narrative (see attached)
When you are done editing your piece, I should be able to see lots of changes and
corrections just like in this piece.
What are some edits you can see this writer made?
Have students share what they see.
Writers, as you edit your writing today use the Editing Checklist to guide your work.
Take your time. Carefully, check one point at a time.
Editing is an important last step to make sure that our writing is ready for the
audience.
Closure:
Writers share one edit they made.
Notes:
Personal Narrative Editing Checklist

Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 63
DRAFT - August 2009
Use this list of ways to make your writing look as good as it can while
you make editing changes today. Check for one point at a time.
Use colored pencil to make changes to how your writing looks.
o Good writers use a variety of sentences
9 Count the number of words in each sentence. Make sure you have some short
and some long.
9 Look at your sentence beginnings. Make sure your sentences start in different
ways.
o Good writers use appropriate capital

9 Highlight all your capital letters
9 Make sure you have all the capitals you need.
9 Get rid of any extra capitals.
letters
o Good writers use correct spelling

9 Read your writing backwards.
9 Circle any words that look a little funky
9 Check the spelling for those words.
o
Good writers break their writing into paragraphs.
9 Break for a paragraph when you introduce a new person or place.
9 Break for a new paragraph when someone talks.
9 Break for a paragraph when you change an action.
Personal Narrative Editing Sample

Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 64
DRAFT - August 2009
When I was younger I really liked playing with my Cat. The only prablum was
she didnt like playing with me. I used to want her to sleep in my room. I took her
upstairs to my room every Night and pushed her down on my pillow. she howled and
treid to scratch me. She eneded up trying to open the dorr by throwing her body
against it. Let that dang cat out! my mom yelled. No, she is about to go to
sleep, I called back.
Once I tried to carry her to the store in my backpack. At first she was realy
quiet. I thought she liked it. When we got to the end of the block, she started
going crazy. She pawed at the backpack and spun around inside of it. My Mom
made me go back to the house and put her inside.
I stopped trying to play with my cat a few years ago. The suprsing this is
that once I stopped trying to play with her, she started playing with me. Now she
comes up to me when I do my homework and sits on lap. She even sleeps in my room
sometimes. I guess cats need to decide for themselves when they want to play.
Maybe she just dosnt like backpacks.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 65
DRAFT - August 2009
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 66
DRAFT - August 2009
Narrative Writing: Personal Narrative (PN15):

Publishing
Writers publish their work
Standard(s):
and publishing successive versions.
Materials:
Writing notebooks
Extra copies of revision and editing checklists
Paper for final draft copies or computers for word processing. (Without typing
skills, word processing takes a lot of time. Decide if this makes sense for
what your writers need.)
.
Connection:
We are ready to publish your writing today. You have done the important work of
drafting, revising and editing. When you have made your piece the best it can be,
you are ready to do a final draft.
Teach (modeling):
The first thing I want you to do is reread your writing one last time. Make sure you
have made all the changes you need to make.
Ask yourself: Does my writing sound good? Does my writing look good?
Students reread.
Teach (modeling):
This is the final draft paper you can use today. Go slowly as you recopy. Use your
best handwriting.
Be careful as you recopy. You want to make sure you get all the new ideas from the
left hand side of your paper into your final draft. Let the colors help you make sure
you are including all your smart changes.
Closure: Find a place in your room to display finished writing. Even if it is only
up for a day or two, kids need to see their work displayed.
Notes:
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 67
DRAFT - August 2009
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 68
DRAFT - August 2009

Unit Reflection
Writers reflect on what they have learned about a genre of writing and about
themselves as writers.
Students will spend one to three days reviewing what they have learned and
writing a reflection piece to close the unit.
Standard(s):
ELA.4.WRT.1.2 Discuss ideas for writing with classmates, teachers, and other
writers.
Materials:
Any anchor charts you used in teaching this unit
Writing notebooks
Resources or Toolbox section of the writers notebooks if you are using them
Connection:
Writers we are wrapping our writing unit. You have done some great work over the
past few weeks. One of the things good writers do is reflect on what they have
learned. Today we will reflect on the great writing you have done and the new ideas
you have developed.
Notes:
Keep track of the unit reflection strategies you use so you can offer a variety
throughout the year.
Grade 4 Writing
Personal Narrative
PN - 69
DRAFT - August 2009

Writing Binder Grade 4 Section 3

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Narrative Writing: Personal Narrative

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Narrative Writing: Personal Narrative

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Narrative Writing: Personal Narrative (PN1)

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Invite one or two students to share ideas.

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Resources & References: (adapted from, acknowledgements)

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Example of personal narrative element chart to make and refer

Personal Narrative Writing

Elements of Personal Narrative

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Personal Narrative Idea List

Places you have visited

Scar Stories/Times You

Making a New Friend

Starting Over: New

Best Day or Worst Day

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Personal Narrative Idea List

Places you have visited

Scar Stories/Times You

Making a New Friend

Walk the dog after

First day of 3rd grade

Best Day or Worst Day

Dressing up the dog

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

Starting Over: New

DRAFT - August 2009

Watch Out for Your Little Sister

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Example of Teacher modeling

Watch Out for Your Little Sister

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Narrative Writing: Personal Narrative (PN2)

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

Resources & References: (adapted from, acknowledgements)

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS

DRAFT - August 2009

PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS