Tyrone Lannister

Science

Period 5

Mr. Gregory
The Eekology of Muckrakers
In this report, I'll talk about what muckrakers is and how they affect the community. Sense
this is a science report, I'll provide evidence to back up my claims about stuff. The muckraker is a
very dangerous, but magestic animal. You have probably seen one since every city has one. I know
I have. Alot of people say the muckraker is both really friendly and grimy, depending on the person.
This report will be 3 pages typed double spaced.
So I should start by saying what the muckraker is in better detail. Every city has a
muckraker, this one does to. Ours's name is Upskirt Sinclair. He big as fuck. He king nigga of this
place and don't let no other muckers step to his shit. His main nest is by the South Gate to
Temperance where the whites live. He don't come out much from there except to go to another criband like a nigga who be ballin taking names doing big money shit, he got a few homes. He is highly
visible. For example, I live in Brandenburg Towers which is at the intersection of Hell and Poverty
and I can see him most times. He's so big that when he move the ground shakes a little. But he
don't move much.
I'm sure you know what a muckraker look like already. So I won't waste much time with
that. But for those that don't, I will describe one. If you ever seen a fine ass female, you know she's
all legs and ass. The same for muckrakers, except I'm not trying to say that to sound sick I just want
to give you a comparisson. There ass end is covered in hair that is thick, it's pretty much like silky
and smooth. You mite say a muckraker has that good hair. On the top of the ass end is it's
markings, which look like a big bell. Just like a black widow got markings on her ass, this animal
got the bell. And just like the widow, this mothafucka got one job: to kill niggas.
You mite say that muckrakers is good at catching pray and that's real talk. Because niggas
gotta eat. When Sinclair awake, you know some poor soul is gonna get got. You can tell he up
because he bling real bright and it lights up the whole hood. One of the principals of science is loco
motion. Just like the song, it makes people move. The muckraker has legs like I already said, but
its lazy so it don't walk much. It mostly waits for niggas to come to it, and they do because they
stupid as fuck. Every nigga in this city wanna fight Sinclair. I know I do, but enough about me.
You can go down to the docks in Redhook and see all kinds of shit (get watches, warez, fake
leather that look real, anything you want), but mostly you see fools up there who is ready to ride out
in bando boats, strapped up and finna let off. They leave from there and go across The Moat and
land near uptown Temperance. If you hunting Sinclair, this is what you do, because you can get
around behind his ass end and he can't see you. You also get to walk through the saltine parts of
town once you get off the boat and you could see some nice white girls, which is pretty cool. When
you get in close though, you better approach with caution. If he awake and he see you, its all she
wrote because that mothafucka got reflexes on him. But Sinclair is old, probably older than most
people's grams, and his vision is starting to go. One eye totally gone from when that nigga Chippy
Chinker shot it out. If you finna get in his blindspot, come from the Hampton Tunnel side. If you is
a cowboy nigga and wanna act up for the white girls, take the long way around and get killed. Also,
some don't know that you shouldn't touch the web. Look, the web Sinclair's crib. You know that
old earth (the old, old one) who let you hang at her place when you laying low from the cops or
when its a CLEAR night? You know how she keep all them statues and pictures of Jesus in her
foyer and is like, yall can come in and have mushroom tarts if you want to, but don't you touch my
Jesus? You know damn well you better not touch ANYTHING in that foyer. It's like that with
Sinclair's webs. Seriously. Boy, you touch that and he'll be upside your head in a minute. Except,
unlike the old lady, you dead afterwords. Stupid ass nigga. My advice? Try to hit him from the
underside near where his versace is at. There's a hole you can shoot in easy if you a deadeye. That
reminds me. Because science is about identifying parts and shit, the versace is the term for the part
of the muckraker that makes the sticky icky, the web. It is known as the versace because people
dressin in its threads. Like, if you can find a crib where Sinclair hasn't been for a while and you
think he might not come back soon, you can cut that shit up and take it to a tailor to get a fresh suit
made. See Mr. Gregory, science can teach you about being fly too.
Anyway, I seen on the rubric that we have to talk about muckraker diet and excretion. So I'll
talk about that. The muckraker's dookie is called statistics. If you a dumb nigga and don't know
what statistics is, it's basically a real fat dookie that walks around screaming all kinds of shit. The
muckraker eats niggas, but when it goes to the bathroom, it makes statistics. Statistics walk around
the city and yell things real loud. They be on some dumb shit, keepin niggas awake all night
yelling. For example, here are some things statistics say: 93% of all those incarcerated in Pendant
Correctional Facility are black males. 80% of all serial killers are white. 43% of all black
children below the age of 10 are illiterate. Everything statistics say comes true, because their
words are magick. They hard to kill, because niggas bullets and swords go right through them.
They only stop running around and talking shit when its time for the muckraker to take another
dump, and that ain't everyday. There's some word for when they stop moving, but I don't fucking
remember it. Statistics magick is some real weird and sometimes dumb shit. For example, my
friend J'Quan used to be white (I ain't know him before he was black though). He would come
down from the Hamptons hanging with his Upstreet crew, which is a bunch of white deadheads who
come to the 618 for a good time and to feel like they niggas for a little while. He come here with
that Upstreet dank and had hella of it on him when he got pulled over in his t-bird. Because he was
white, they put him and the other stoners he come with in the drunk tank at Pendant to let them chill.
But them niggas didn't know that the muckraker had taken an especially big dookie that morning.
That night, it ran through the streets saying some shit like A racial divide? 99% of those
incarcerated in Pendant Correctional Facility are black males! Now that nigga black as me. I
heard he come with some females too, and they all Johnsoned up at this point in time. Ha! He my
boy though.
Anyway, I've learned a lot about muckrakers writing this report and I hope you did too. To
wrap it all up, I want to say that muckrakers are an important part of the city's eekology. They help
by making peeps mix it up a little bit, feel me? Like, if it wasn't for Sinclair, I wouldn't be friends
with J'Quan. Also, they mostly eat niggas who is weak pussy ass niggas. And fuck them.