The 21 Principles

of Persuasion

How is it that certain people are

so incredibly persuasive? Can we all harness those skills?
After studying the most influential political, social, business and
religious leaders, and trying countless techniques out myself,
these are the 21 critical lessons I’ve identified to persuading
people. This is an overview from a talk I’ve been giving to
thousands of entrepreneurs for a few years now on “How to
Persuade People.” More detailed examples are explained in the
links below.
THE BASICS
1. Persuasion is not Manipulation - Manipulation
is coercion through force to get someone to do something that is
not in their own interest. Persuasion is the art of getting people to
do things that are in their own best interest that also benefit you.
2. Persuade the Persuadable - Everyone can be persuaded,
given the right timing and context, but not necessarily in the short
term. Political campaigns focus their time and money on a small
set of swing voters who decide elections. The first step of
persuasion is always to identify those people that at a given time
are persuadable to your point of view and focus your energy and
attention on them.
3. Context and Timing - The basics building blocks of
persuasion are context and timing. Context creates a relative
standard of what’s acceptable. For example the Stanford Prisoner
Experiment proved that overachieving students could be molded
into dictatorial prison guards. Timing dictates what we want from
others and life. We chose to marry a different type of person than
we date when we’re younger, because what we want changes.
4. You have to be Interested to be Persuaded - You can
never persuade somebody who’s not interested in what you’re
saying. We are all most interested in ourselves, and spend most of
our time thinking about either money, love or health. The first art
of persuasion is learning how to consistently talk to people about
them; if you do that then you’ll always have their captive
attention.
GENERAL RULES
5. Reciprocity Compels – When I do something for you, you
feel compelled to do something for me. It is part of our
evolutionary DNA to help each other out to survive as a species.
More importantly, you can leverage
reciprocity disproportionately in your favor. By providing
small gestures of consideration to others, you can ask for more
back in return which others will happily provide. (TIP: read
”Influence” by Robert Cialdini)
6. Persistence Pays - The person who is willing to keep asking
for what they want, and keeps demonstrating value, is ultimately
the most persuasive. The way that so many historical figures have
ultimately persuaded masses of people is by staying persistent in
their endeavors and message. Consider Abraham Lincoln, who
lost his mother, three sons, a sister, his girlfriend, failed in
business and lost eight separate elections before he was
elected president of the United States.
7. Compliment Sincerely - We are all so positively affected by
compliments, and we’re more apt to trust people for whom we
have good feelings. Try complimenting people sincerely and often
for things they aren’t typically complimented for, it’s the easiest
thing you can do to persuade others that doesn’t cost anything but
a moment of thought.
8. Set Expectations - Much of persuasion is managing other’s
expectations to trust in your judgment. The CEO who promises a
20% increase in sales and delivers a 30% increase is rewarded,
while the same CEO who promises a 40% increase and delivers
35% is punished. Persuasion is simply about understanding
and over-delivering on other’s expectations.
9. Don’t Assume - Don’t ever assume what someone needs,
always offer your value. In sales we’ll often hold back from
offering our products/services because we assume others don’t
have the money or interest. Don’t assume what others might want
or not want, offer what you can provide and leave the choice to
them.
10. Create Scarcity – Besides the necessities to survive,
almost everything has value on a relative scale. We want things
because other people want these things. If you want somebody to
want what you have, you have to make that object scarce, even if
that object is yourself.
11. Create Urgency – You have to be able to instill a sense of
urgency in people to want to act right away. If we’re not
motivated enough to want something right now, it’s unlikely we’ll
find that motivation in the future. We have to persuade people in
the present, and urgency is our most valuable card to play.
12. Images Matter – What we see is more potent that what we
hear. It may be why pharma companies are now so forthcoming
with the potentially horrible side effects of their drugs, when set to
a background of folks enjoying a sunset in Hawaii. Perfect your
first impressions. And master the ability to paint an image for
others, in their minds eye, of a future experience you can provide
for them.
13. Truth-Tell – Sometimes the most effective way to persuade
somebody, is by telling them the things about themselves that
nobody else is willing to say. Facing the hard truths are the most
piercing, meaningful events that happen in our lives. Truth-tell
without judgement or agenda, and you’ll often find others’
responses quite surprising.
14. Build Rapport - We like people who we are like. This
extends beyond our conscious decisions to
our unconscious behaviors. By Mirroring and Matching others
habitual behaviors (body language, cadence, language patterns,
etc.) you can build a sense of rapport where people feel
more comfortable with you and become more open to your
suggestions.
PERSONAL SKILLS
15. Behavioral Flexibility - It’s the person with the most
flexibility, not necessarily the most power, who’s in control.
Children are often so persuasive because they’re wiling to go
through a litany of behaviors to get what they want (pouting,
crying, bargaining, pleading, charming), while parents are stuck
with the single response of “No.” The larger your repertoire of
behaviors, the more persuasive you’ll be.
16. Learn to Transfer Energy - Some people drain us of our
energy, while others infuse us with it. The most persuasive people
know how to transfer their energy to others, to motivate and
invigorate them. Sometimes it’s as straightforward as eye contact,
physical touch, laughter, excitement in verbal responses, or even
just active listening.
17. Communicating Clearly is Key - If you can’t explain your
concept or point of view to an 8th grader, such that they could
explain it with sufficient clarity to another adult, it’s too
complicated. The art of persuasion lies in simplifying something
down to its core, and communicating to others what they really
care about.
18. Being Prepared Gives you the Advantage - Your
starting point should always be to know more about the people
and situations around you. Meticulous preparation allows for
effective persuasion. For example, you dramatically improve your
odds in a job interview being completely versed in the company’s
products, services, and background.
19. Detach and Stay Calm in Conflict - Nobody is more
effective when they are “On Tilt.” In situations of heightened
emotion, you’ll always have the most leverage by staying calm,
detached and unemotional. In conflict, people turn to those
in control of their emotions, and trust them in those moments to
lead them.
20. Use Anger Purposefully - Most people are uncomfortable
with conflict. If you’re willing escalate a situation to a heightened
level of tension and conflict, in many cases others will back down.
 Use this sparingly, and don’t do it from an emotional place or due
to a loss of self control. But do remember, you can use anger
purposefully for your advantage.
21. Confidence and Certainty - There is no quality as
compelling, intoxicating and attractive as certainty. It is the
person who has an unbridled sense of certainty that will always be
able to persuade others. If you really believe in what you do, you
will always be able to persuade others to do what’s right for them,
while getting what you want in return.