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CONSTANTINE
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GWEDER MYRAS 07766181041

The Monthly Newspaper/Magazine of Constantine Church Town, Cornwall

Delivered Free To More Than Six Hundred Households

Fiddle de Dee, Fiddle de TANGLED WEB four years we can confirm that the varieties
Dum, Here the Gweder include Bass, Bream, Pilchard, Mackerel,
Myras come. Slow of foot and Thursday 29th April 2008, a day of Herring, Sand Smelt, Scad, Mullet, Flatties.
bereft of Brain - Just stick the In addition larger specimen of Bass, Mullet,
dastardly deeds attempted but duly foiled. A
damn thing down the drain. Bream, Flounder and Dabs are being found
BUT READ IT FIRST.
day of vigilance rewarded and crime nipped
in the bud. A day when “gross” infamy ended in greater numbers. The rules of fishing in
in “net” defeat. the river are as important and as necessary
All original items remain
Travelling up the Polwheverel spur to the preservation of Sea stocks as are those
the property of this paper
and may not be reproduced of the Helford river in his small boat, a measures taken in the open sea. Had this
without permission. man well versed in the ways and rules of trammel net made a haul the river could
the creek saw what he thought was a lost have been swept clean.
All items for inclusion must fishing float in the shallows near the waters If we want our river to be the living,
be sent to the Editor at The edge. Waste not, want not, he investigated vibrant, ecologically sound environment it
Tolmen Centre, Fore Street, and found a stave driven into the ground to ought to be with - the liquid sound of wading
Constantine TR11 5AA. birds, the scrabbling quacking of water fowl,
which was attached a ‘Trammel’ net strung
across the river and attached to the branch the croak of the raven, the gentle plop and
E Mails to the address above quick splash of leaping fish, the spraint of
will be acceptable. of a tree on the further shore. The net, with
a mesh of 2” square was set in the vicinity the otter along the shore, the tangled pattern
of Pond cottage and was clearly intended of webbed and padded footprints in the mud
Deadline for next issue
Monday 23rd June. to sweep the river clean as the tide rose and and the raucous laughter of children, we
fell. Nets of this sort are forbidden in the must pay the price of vigilance. This time
Anonymous items will be river as is well known to all and sundry. these ruffians, these predating plunderers,
ignored. The discoverer hauled the net from the these marauding raiders did not succeed
river and took it to the head of the creek due to the keen sightedness, quick thinking
In this issue where it was taken ashore for ‘safe’ keeping. and swift action of a local boatman. We all
Swift representations were made to the Sea need to be as diligent to protect this precious
Page 2. Parish Council silver jewel on our doorsteps.
Fisheries Office and to the Environment
Agency who arranged for inspection and If you are down the creek and you
Page 3. Miscellany
removal of the ‘Poachers’? ‘Brigands’? see anything suspicious do not hesitate to
‘Thieves’? ‘Fishjackers’? equipment. report it - if you do not have a direct method
Page 4. WHAT’S ON
It seems that under cover of then let the Editor of this paper know and
Page 5. Tall Tales darkness, the vagabonds who set this he will take proper action.
Trammel net, returned to harvest their ill We all originated in the sea and if
Page 6. Theatre report gotten gains, for the stave with the coloured we allow greedy people to despoil it in one
top was nowhere to be seen by 30th April. way or another we imperil the whole of life.
Page 7. Constentenors The net is lost to them and if identified they
face a fine and the possible seizure of their §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§
Page 8. Casual & Lament.
vessel.
The Helford River and our two Saying of the day.
Page 9. ??????????????????
smaller creeks act as a nursery for the fry Misguided, imprudent, stubborn,
of numerous species. Having been involved obstinate, headstrong, opinionated, perverse,
Printed & Published by the
Constantine Enterprises in the counting of the one year old and two ornery and intractable, as friends go he warn’t
Company. year old small fry in the river for the past half bad. Mike Hodges.
Vol. A.R.11 2 June 2008

Nichols as Vice-Chairman.
The Council’s Standing Orders and Financial
CONSTANTINE STORES Regulations were re-adopted.
& The Councillors’ Committee existing appointments
were renewed en bloc, with Councillor Cummins added to
POST OFFICE Planning and Emergencies and Councillor Reynolds to
Fine Wines & Spirits a Speciality Finance.
Councillor Hatton, [District and County Councillor],
reported on housing (Ocean Housing, a not-for-profit
the largest stock of whisky in provider of social houses, having been mentioned in the
the west West Briton as interested in providing 15 houses in the
village, on a site having Permission for only 12), and roads,
TELEPHONE 01326 340226 promising to look at problems with the Area Surveyor.
He also gave an update on the Unitary process, due to be
completed within twelve months.
WEBSITE w.w.w.drinkfinder.co.uk
Police CSO Huddleston gave the latest crime
figures ; 44 in the last year, against 50 in the previous year.
The were 3 in the last month : theft from a car, damage to a
CONSTANTINE PARISH COUNCIL
car and an assault plus an illicit occupation of a quarry. He
ANNUAL MEETINGS
is trying to provide a youth activity scheme at the Bishop’s
Forum’ subject to funding.
These were held on Tuesday 22nd May 2008 at 7 pm in
The Parish Plan was formally adopted which
the Vestry when the Parish Meeting is to allow residents
means the Council takes on the responsibility of achieving
to receive a Report from the Chairman on the working of
its aims. To this end, it was suggested that it should next
the Council for the last year, followed by an Open Forum
year provide pump priming from its Precept.
discussion. The Council’s Annual Meeting is to reselect its
In Parish Matters, the wheelchair project access to
Officers and appointments to its Committees, as well as the
the Social Club and car park expansion are in process. The
normal monthly business.
County Forester has declared two trees in the car park to
be dangerous and they must be felled. The springer unit in
THE ANNUAL PARISH MEETING
the play area of the recreation field is to be replaced. The
Paul Carter, the Chairman, gave his Report. He
village bier is to be looked after by Penryn and Falmouth
highlighted the retirement of Bernard Bowden after years
Undertakers, subject to their agreement it will be available
of service, and that of the Clerk, Mrs. Frances Evans. He
for local use, and be properly maintained and insured by
welcomed the new Clerk, Colin Chapman.He summarised
them.
the many activities, notably the Christmas decorations, the
Planning Applications were reviewed and
renewal of the play equipment in the recreation field, the
appropriate observations made to Kerrier. In particular, a
search for more car parking, the improvements sought for
curt note will be made to them criticising their reluctance
the school and village traffic problems. He thanked the
to have a site review, when going against the Council’s
Members for their (unpaid) work and the District and
recommendation.
County Councillors, Messrs Hatton and Sadler, for their
A whole raft of Correspondence to the Council was
attendance and efforts on behalf of the Parish. He mentioned
dealt with. In particular, a contractor’s bill was returned as
his representation of the Parish at the Kerrier Civic Service
‘work not done’ in the cemetery. The ? CCC Sustainable
and Annual Dinner events (modestly omitting he paid his
Consultation document was regarded askance. But the
own way). He praised the residents for making our village a
Cornish Granite Heritage idea was heartily approved.
place ‘lucky to be lived in.’
The £28 subscription to the Campaign to Protect
The Open Forum discussed the Parish Plan, the
Rural England was renewed, another supplicant was
deficiencies of the Planning Process, the 3 year limit of
refused.
unused Planning Permission, the permitting of garden
The pay rates of the Council’s employees were reviewed and
bonfires ( after 7pm and not nearer than 50 feet from the
fixed, although one Councillor felt it was unduly stingy.
highway ?), road potholes, and vandal damage.
The month’s Accounts were scrutinised and approved.
The Meeting closed at 9.35 pm.
THE ANNUAL COUNCIL MEETING
Sivrej Trebor
Paul Carter was unanimously reelected, as was Eric
Vol. A.R. 11 3 June 2008

C. RUDRUM AND SONS CONSTANTINE KIDS CLUB

(CORNWALL ) LTD. Val
DIPLOMA COAL MERCHANTS
Reliable and regular deliveries After nine years of putting her life and soul into
Kids Club Val Bettison has decided that it is time to retire.
Redruth (01209) 215561/213365 She has done an amazing job over this time and will be
Camborne (01209) 713158 Stithians (01209)860385 much missed by everyone in the community. Thankfully she
Falmouth (01326) 377345 Truro (01872) 274942 has agreed to stay until the end of the summer term. Kids
Helston (01326) 573661 Mevagissey (01726) 842365 Club has provided the wraparound care for our children
St. Austell (01726) 850462 both before and after school and we all hope that this will
continue in an open, affordable and sustainable way for
BARTON HOUSE, PARC ERISSEY everyone who needs it.
The position of Club Leader will be advertised in
NEW PORTREATH, REDRUTH TR16 4HZ
the near future so please look out for it. Work experience or
other students will be welcome to help with Holiday Club.
CONSTANTINE CARNIVAL GROUP Contact Mrs. Brand at Constantine School if you can help.
01326 340554.
Last year we were very fortunate to have the
‘American Colour Party’ to lead our Carnival. Some may
ask why? – but during the war they were based all around
THANKS
our area and were here for a long while. Lots of friendships
Margaret, Mo and Steve thank all the people who
developed from their stay, looking into their brief history of
attended the Funeral Service for Patrick Laity. Donations
Constantine. Now a friendship has begun again.
raised £342 for the Friends of Constantine Surgery. Thanks
On Friday May 9th there was a change of command
also to those who sent Cards and messages of sympathy as
ceremony at the American sector of R.A.F. St Mawgan.
these were a great comfort and support to us all at a very
Kevin and Peggy Cavanah, James and Myself were so lucky to
difficult time.
be invited to see Captain John Jones take over from Captain
Bill Stacia Jnr – who lead our Carnival last year. The amity
with Constantine was mentioned at the ceremony in front BRITISH LEGION
of many dignitaries and we felt immensely proud to have
seen it. We eagerly look forward to Captain Jones leading On Sunday 18th May 2008 at the Annual
our Carnival this year. Conference of the Royal British Legion the President Air
At the end of our two day Carnival on Sunday Marshall I MacFadyen C.B., O.B.E. presented the Haig
27th July we intend to close with a rare and unusual treat, Runner – up Cup and Certificate of Merit to the Chairman
the lighting of Chinese Cloud Lanterns. Although these of the Constantine Branch. The certificate reads:- “For the
lanterns have existed and been used for thousands of years Branch which shall have shown the best all round record of
for Festivals and celebrations in the Far East they are only proficiency and endeavour throughout the year.”
just becoming known in this country. They are made from
a fire retardant paper around an ultra thin bamboo frame CONSTANTINE W. I.
enclosing an area where wax tapers are lit. They are bio-
degradable about 3 feet high by 2 feet wide and when lit NORFOLK LAVENDER was the theme of our
soar off to 1000 feet and stay alight for 20 minutes. On a May meeting. We were treated to a film showing acres
starry night a spectacle to behold and of course the more of deep blue flowers by Mr. Philip Martin and his wife
there are the better the sight. The Chinese believe that these who gave an explanation of farming methods and of how
lanterns carry prayers up to heaven so they are a spectacular pure lavender oil is distilled. We were then able to sample
and ideal way of commemorating the passing of someone many of the products including Lavender Soap, Shampoo,
dear to you. Once again Constantine is in the vanguard Soothing and Calming Therapy Gel before buying. The
of something new and exciting. We shall be selling these pervading aroma of Lavender made for a relaxing and
lanterns in aid of our funds. enjoyable evening.
Anne Fowler.
What a lovely idea – better get in quickly. Ed. Berries are fickle. Red can mean poison or nutrition!!!!!!!!–
Vol. A.R11 4 June 2008

Sponsored by:- MIKE HODGES (BUTCHER), No. 1. Fore Street, Constantine. 01326 340225
Best Beef, Prime Pork, Tender Lamb, Game a Speciality. You want it, he will get it.
Thinking is a luxurious pasttime easily available to those with nothing else to do.

W H A T‘ S O N W H A T‘ S O N
One & All Club HELFORD V. M. C. A.
All meetings in the Social Club
When:- Sunday 29th June
When:- Monday June 16th What:- Helford Conservation Cruise.
What:- Coach Trip Hayle & Wadebridge Time:- 1.30 pm to 4.00 pm
Time:- 9.00 Butchers. 9.30 Car Park Depart:- Ferry Boat Inn jetty.
Cost:- Adults £7. Under 18s £2.
When:- Saturday June 21st Contacts:- Pamela 01209 842316
What:- Summer Fayre 10.00 to 12 noon. Treve & Joan 01209 842622

CONSTANTINE W. I. THE TOLMEN CENTRE MOVIES

All meetings in W. I. Hall at 7.15. PRESENT FOUR FEATURE FILMS
TICKETS £4 & £3
When:- Monday 9th June.
Speaker:- Mr. Les Merton 10th June. Monsoon Wedding - won the top award
Subject:- Short stories, poetry & anecdotes [The Golden Lion] at Venice in 2001 and is about a man
Comp:- Your own poem. organising an arranged marriage for a daughter to a man
she has barely met but she is nervous because she has been
CONSTANTINE AMBLERS having an affair with her boss..........
All walks meet at the Car Park at 6.30 pm
17th June. Chinatown Jack Nicholson, Faye
When:- Wednesday June 11th Dunaway, John Huston, Nominated for 11 academy awards.
Where:- Trewedreva Mill , Carvedras Valley. Cars Need we say more.

When:- Wednesday June 25th 24th June. “How to Marry a Millionaire.” Lauren
Where:- Calamansack Lane Circular. Cars. Bacal, Marylin Monroe and Betty Grable. A chance for a
new generation to see the luscious ‘eye candy’ of our day. A
SAVE THE CHILDREN very funny film.

When:- Saturday 28th June 1st July. Jean de Florette - quite superb, stunning
Where:- Navas Hill House scenery, acting of the highest calibre. A tale of French village
What:- Barbecue life just after 1918 that will awake memories. This film and
Time:- 12.30 pm the sequel ‘Manon des Sources’, is not to be missed.
Cost:- £10. All performances start at 8.00 pm. Bar will be open.
Contact:- Susie Holt 340650 (Ticket Entry)
HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE
CONSTANTINE LADIES CIRCLE
When:- Friday June 30th
When:- Tuesday 24th June Time:- 7.30 pm
Where:- W. I. Hall What:- The welcome return of the Salfield brothers
Time:- 2.15 pm on Lute & Guitar with Simon Stanton [percussion] for a
Speaker:- Mr. Colin Gray show to be recorded live for broadcast and release on album.
One of only three U.K. dates before a German Tour in the
A moral tale is like a Wasp - the sting is in the end. Autumn.
Finish time approx 10.00pm.
A moral tale is like a Wasp - buzzy and to be avoided. Tickets £7 from 01326 341353.
Vol/ A.R. 11 5 June 2008
Sponsored by:- O T S. 6 seat Taxi. 29 & 53 seat Coaches. 12 & 16 seat Minibuses
Convenient, efficient and friendly local service. Telephone 01326 340703

TALL TALES FOR YOUNG FOLK growled and prowled angrily OUTSIDE.
In time the cave cleared of water the adults and
Spiderfall was late. Stockpiles of wood waited at the children rapidly sweeping it clean of all the littered debris.
back of the cave stacked neatly for ease of use. The Besoms, At dusk the colony gathered with their dead – there were
long handled and twiggy headed lined up along the cave always a few, this year more than most. In the sacred place
wall. The children were excited hoping that they would be the bodies were gently washed in herb scented water, ritual
needed. Each morning the sky was scanned but eight days cuts were made and the plants of life pinned the limbs, hair
passed before the wind freshened and the first faint fall of was washed and brushed, the fire of mourning was rekindled,
Spiders started. Fires were kindled at the entrance to the the songs of parting were sung, the dance of leaving keeping
cave and as the spiders fell so they were wafted or swept the singing company and the dead were carefully roasted
into the fire. The children squealed with delight as they then eaten with reverence before the cleaned bones were
danced around poking and prodding with the Besoms. As taken to the place of returning in the deepest parts of the
the morning wore on the numbers and size of the Spiders caves.
increased. Most fell into the fires, hissing and crackling in
the fierce heat. Blackened and dead they were teased out HERITAGE CENTRE
and put to one side to be eaten later. The bite of the Spider
was poisonous and often fatal so none were to be allowed
to get past the barrier of flames. Mid Day arrived and the
TRACEY CLOWES IS LOOKING FOR
daylight was blotted out with the huge numbers of spiders CARNIVAL MEMORIBILIA OF ANY SORT
falling more quickly. The task of forcing them all into the SO THAT SHE CAN MAKE A STUNNING
flames became harder. Anxious glances were exchanged. DISPLAY IN THE MUSEUM AND HAVE
Mid afternoon and still no slackening of the tempo and the IT OPEN OVER THE TWO DAYS OF
battle had become a grim fight for survival. No-one could CARNIVAL. I DON’T SUPPOSE THAT
remember a Spiderfall lasting so long and so persistently.
Along the cliff face all the caves had roaring fires
SANDRA STILL HAS THE INCREDIBLE
at their entrances defended by people with red bloodshot ‘INVISIBLE MAN’ COSTUME SHE MADE
eyes staring wearily from blackened and blistered faces. The FOR NIGEL? PLEASE SEARCH ALL YOUR
fires had to die back or the people would perish from lack of NOOKES AND CRANNIES TO HELP, TO
oxygen and heat exhaustion. One by one Besoms dropped ADD TO THE 400 PHOTOS ALREADY
from weary hands and folk leant against walls straining for COLLECTED. CONTACT TRACEY.
breath. Beyond the fires the Spiders gathered.
A silence, a stillness, a lull, a change of wind and
the sudden startling brilliance of a lightning flash followed
instantly by the crashing growl of thunder. The heavens NEW BEAUTY TREATMENTS.
opened in a cloudburst, a torrent of water struck the high
ground and a flash flood poured over the brink of the cliff At the end of June/beginning of July a new Beauty Salon
sluicing the openings clear of fires, ash, spiders and embers. will open in the Tolmen Centre where the Hairdresser
New life entered tired limbs and all fled to the back of the was. Posters will be going up round the village. Watch this
cave and climbed to the highest sleeping places. The storm space.
Vol. A.R.11 6 June 2008
which won him a shield from the Cornish Federation of
Sea Anglers. 2007 really was Pats year.
Pat was a very special man with a wonderful sense
of humour, always making us and others laugh. I feel very
privileged to have been his wife. The void he left will never
be filled.
Margaret Laity.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

THEATRICAL TRIUMPH AT THE

TOLMEN
By Carolyn Reynolds.

The last weekend in April saw a short run of the

latest production by Jon and Tod Welch aptly named
“Behind You”. After theatre gossip amongst the assembled
throng was firmly of the opinion that this was their most
ambitious and successful work to date
PAT LAITY “Behind You” is set in an empty, derelict, old and
By Margaret Laity unloved theatre. A chance visit by a young woman named
Meg and her partner, triggers a chain of events and reveals
On Thursday 10th April, Constantine Parish to Meg an unknown story of her family and of her origins in
Church was filled to capacity for a service of thanksgivingthe building. Ghosts come to life and past history is recalled
and to celebrate the life of Pat. Villagers, Anglers, Friends and
in a tale of love, rivalry and murderous intent seasoned with
the Farming community gathered in numbers to pay their flashes of humour.
respects to a wonderful man. The service was conducted by With fast paced action, the large cast, of all ages,
the Reverend David Stevens who reflected the interest Pat played each and every part to perfection. At first I thought
had in his garden, the sea, the countryside and working on that this was inspired casting, but Tod told me later that Jon
the land. created the story with certain people in mind, an idea that
Eulogy‘For Patrick’ by Stan Mason.“I was evacuatedworked well. There was tension, excitement and drama.
to Constantine in 1940. Pats parents welcomed me into Music and Dance that spanned decades from Irving Berlins
their home where Pat and I grew up together during the ‘Lets face the music and dance’ through the 70s to Todays
war. We became firm friends and I shall miss him very ‘Hip Hop’ with choreography that Busby Berkeley would
much. recognize all performed with enthusiasm and ‘joie de vivre’.
Eulogy ‘A Lovely Man’ by Michael Bowden:- “ Pat The cast spans all ages and this was reflected in the
came to work for us in January 1966 – I was only three at audience who showed their involvement in laughing, singing
the time. He always got on well with all his workmates. He along and observing breathless silence at moments of tense
was quick at learning to use new equipment and upon the drama.
arrival of a new tractor would take the documents home A new member has joined the Tolmen Theatre
with him and have it mastered by the next morning.” Company in the form of a child sized puppet – ‘Young
As a family we joined Mawnan Angling Club in Meg’ – brought to life by the clever hands of her creator. A
1980 and later our own Constantine Angling Club. We beautiful realization of Burt Bacharats ‘Close To You’ was
made a lot of very good friends and Pat enjoyed many happy sung to ‘Young Meg’ and she held the audience spellbound,
years fishing with them. He found fishing very relaxing. Wein the palms of her little pink hands.
had wonderful times as a family and when Pat finally hung A truly entertaining evening of drama, music, dance,
up his tractor keys, after forty years of working long hours, I
pathos and humour and congratulations must go to the
was delighted to have him at home. Pat found great pleasureTolmen Theatre Company as a whole. Just one question:-
in his greenhouse tending his plants which made him the “How do you follow that?”
proud possessor of the Morley Rashleigh Memorial Trophy
for his prize leeks in 2007. In the same year, whilst out Carolyn Reynolds
enjoying his fishing, he caught a superb specimen Pollock
Vol. A.R.11 7 June 2008

A Tale of Two Saturday’s, of fish and SPIRAL CONSTRUCTION

churchyards. LTD.,
On 3rd May families were invited to the Tolmen
Special Staircase Manufacturers
Centre for a Heritage Centre event to join in a “Fishey Turning Ideas Into Reality
Tales Workshop’. Betsy a Newlyn Fisherwife, arrived in full
costume of the late 1800’s with a modern day fisherman
Mike, in sweater and boots and lots of interesting crab WATER MA TROUT
pots, fishing nets, baskets for carrying the fish around the HELSTON TR13 0LW
villages to sell. The children sat entranced as she told TELEPHONE 01326 574497
her story, the long hours of work and the very young age
FAX 01326 574760
at which the children begun work. Of Huers and heva,
E Mail enquiries@spiral.uk.com
stein nets and salted food.
Our modern fisherman then compared the CONSTENTENORS
practises of today. After about 30 minutes a great time
was had dressing up in traditional costumes, Juice and Grenville Keverne 30/8/1925 ----- 5/5/2008.
biscuits proceeded the next part of the workshop. Plastic Another old school pupil has passed on. Grenville
aprons were fixed firmly around the assembled waists, was born at New Row, Gweek [Where my mother had
and the really sticky, mucky job of fish making begun. also lived] the second son of Samuel John and Charity
First the families made a rock and attached wooden Keverne [nee Vincent] and with Jack the oldest son moved
chopsticks to it, to which later on you attached your to Quoinz in Church Square [named because of Quoins
fish. Wire, foil, cellophane, ribbon, stars, thread and in the road.] next door to his Grandfathers House. His
light sticks were bent and melded together resulting in sisters Florrie and Pauline were born here. He went to
the most glorious range of fish and wonderfully happy Ponjerevah Academy till 14 and then was apprenticed to a
children and parents…… stone cutter. Called up into the Navy he became a D. E. M.
Thank you Tracey for organising this great S. Gunner [Naval ratings on Merchant Ships]. After the
workshop and as a temporary parent for a couple of war he went back to his old job but was advised to change
hours it was really great fun. Watch out for others of and went to work for Silley,Cox & Co for a time and then
similar style.. and book your places.. So again thanks to Shell Mex/ B.P.. He retired early and was involved in the
Tracey and museum team, Anita from Royal Cornwall Hospital Car Service. He was a great follower of bingo
Museum, Betsy and her Fisherman Mike and Eleanor but in later years suffered declining health.
for the fish making.. Jack Keverne worked for the Western National
The following Saturday was Church yard clean Bus Co [Fitter]. Married and lived at Trew [Breage] but is
up, and 25 of us turned to, by 9.00 rakes, forks, clippers now at Poldhu Care Home. He sometimes comes to the
and mostly yard brushes and spades were hard at work. One and All meetings.
It was great to see some new faces amongst the team, Ronnie Richards Went to school here and now
including two of the young (I’d like to say young maids lives in New Zealand. I wrote to him last year about
in the proper sense) ladies from the week before, what the reunion and he wrote and told me that he ‘had a job’
a different ways to spend a Saturday. Paths, drains writing so he does it with a computer. He served his
were weeded & brushed, trees trimmed and in church apprenticeship with Silley,Cox & Co and went to sea as
the windows gradually filled with flower arrangements an engineer and was Chief Refrigeration engineer on the
as the preparations were made for Whit Sunday, and the S.S. Tongariro when I worked on her on my first job in
celebration of Pentecost. Coffee and cake was served to the docks [lifeboats]. He used to live with his mother at
the workers and all was completed by 11.30. Brill where Jim and Jacky Cary live. He told me this tale.
Tracey will be having more workshops so keep Cecil Old the Foreman [shop] at Trethowans asked him
your eyes open for the posters, and the next church “What tolerance do you work to at the docks?” “5 Thou”
yard clean up will be Saturday 8th November ready for replied Ronnie [0.125 mm]. “No good here,” said Cecil,
Remembrance Sunday, come along and join us, make a “We work spot on!”
Quiz:- Where is Turdy Town Quarry? - Has always been
date in your diary.
known as this. Answers to the Editor.
Liz Moore Ronnie Rashleigh
Vol A.R. 11 8 June 2008

C. A. S. U. A. L OH TOWERING CONSTANTINE RITZ

(Constantine Active Seniors Upper Age Leapfroggers.)
(Formerly The Over 70s Leap Frog Team) A Lament by Wm. MacGonadal

WALPERGIS GREEN WORLD CUP Oh towering Constantine Ritz the seat of Fillums eternal,
What has befallen thee is Infernal.
For many long days, weeks, months and even years
A report by Hamstring Popper.
Your requests for finances fell on deaf ears,
For the first time in living memory CASUAL were
And even the eloquent pleadings of your one armed
the official Cornish entrants at this prestigious event held
projectionist, Sid
at the ‘HOME’ of Leapfrogging. For those of you who do
Produced not one quid.
not already know, this area of Two Thousand and Seventy
The seats so laboriously obtained from Albania
Four acres of rolling greensward in the Chiltern Hills was
Upon arrival were found to be inflatable lady dolls for
purchased in 1626 and endowed in perpetuity as a leapfrog
which no-one had a mania.
‘Long Course’ by Baron Marmaduke Dunedin Walpergis.
Then you were taken over by an Australian entrepreneur
Before that‘Leap Frog’ had been an inter village sport starting
And his paramour, Mrs. Sheila Sheila, previously of the
and ending on the village ‘Greens’ and was known as ‘Green
outback massage parlour who was less use than a pile of
Hopping’. Thus this area became ‘Walpurgis Green’ and, as
manure.
the only fixed course became the arbiter of disputes and the
And who disappeared without trace leaving a terrible mess
producer of the governing statutes ‘The Customs of Leap
Where they had promised resounding success.
Frogging’. A club house was erected and later modernised
A Russian moved in next with assurances of milk and
so that the famous Sundial Tower is recognized instantly
honey
and the treasures of Leap Frog are housed in the ‘Broad
But he was a Crook laundering money.
Room’. Here you may see the magnificent Daguerreotype
Disaster, never very far away at any time, struck
of Dr. W. G. Legge-Brace, the original ‘Giant’ of the game
With terrible storms and flooding, which was the most
who bestrode the sport like a colossus for half a century.
abominable bad luck,
Constantine were warmly welcomed by the
And washed away Sidneys carefully concealed contraband
President of the ILFF Septimus Blather and complemented
And spread it all over the land.
on the traditional Black and Gold livery. As newcomers
And then a combination of faulty electrics and Sids bedtime
we had to negotiate the qualifying rounds and our first
smoking
opponents were an enthusiastic but inexperienced team
Caused a fire to break out, which was provoking
from Papua New Guinea who were no match for our
And led to much fear and endless trouble,
Cornish guile. A team from Samoa were tougher but still
And reduced your pillars, pilasters and caryatids to a pile of
no match. Thus ended the first day. On the second day
smouldering rubble.
the Tournament proper began and it soon became apparent
Oh Magnificent Constantine Ritz you’ve had so many
that the team to beat in order to top our table were ‘Les
smashes
Allouettes’ from ‘La Plume de Patisserie Huit Eglises.’
And I fear that it is almost certain that you will never rise
After easy victories against the teams from Guernsey and
like the Phoenix reborn from the ashes,
Belgium the crunch match of ancient grievances loomed.
And we have probably seen the last of the obsequious
We expected cheating and skulduggery and were not wrong
Sidney or the sultry siren Esmeranda
to do so and won the day with better concealed cheating
Sunning herself on the elaborate Cinema Veranda.
and more refined skulduggery. The semi finals brought us
Oh Towering Constantine Ritz the seat of Fillums eternal
face to face with a free running Kiwi team but our tightly
What has happened to thee is truly Infernal.
disciplined game plan carried the day. And now to the finals
Willie MacGonadal.
against the Kangaroos probably the finest leapers in the
world. But there is more to Leap Frogging than being the
We thank Willie for his splendid lament but understand
biggest bounders and our superior psychology coupled with
that Sidney has purchased the Ritz building from the
an inspired game from Whistling Jack Trefloggit saw us
receivers for an undisclosed number of bottles of home
home by the narrowest of margins. Well done CASUAL
distilled sourmash something or other and has plans which
we look forward to the defence of the title in 2012.
he will reveal at some future date.
Hamstring Popper
Ed.