Bisexuality: Myths and Realities

Bisexuality: Myths and Realities
Sexuality runs along a continuum. It is not static, but rather has the potential to change
throughout one's lifetime, and varies infinitely among people. We cannot fit our sexuality
into nice neat categories that determine who and what we are.
Myth Bisexuality does not really exist. People who consider themselves bisexuals are
going though a phase, or are confused or undecided. Ultimately they'll settle
down and realize they're either homosexual or heterosexual.
Reality Some people go through a transitional period of bisexuality on their way to

adopting a lesbian/gay or heterosexual identity. For many others bisexuality
remains a long-term orientation. For some bisexuals, homosexuality was a
transitional phase in their coming out as bisexuals. Many bisexuals may well be
confused, living in a society where their sexuality is denied by homosexuals and
heterosexuals alike, but that confusion is a function of oppression. Fence sitting
is a misnomer; there is no "fence" between homosexuality and heterosexuality
except in the minds of people who rigidly divide the two.
Myth People who consider themselves bisexual are really heterosexual, but are
experimenting/playing/trying to be cool/liberated/trendy/politically correct.
Reality Whether an individual is an experimenting heterosexual or a bisexual depends on

how s/he defines her/himself, rather than on some external standard. While
there certainly are people for whom bisexual behavior is trendy, this does not
negate the people who come to a bisexual identity amidst pain and confusion and
claim it with pride.
Myth People who consider themselves bisexuals are actually lesbian/gay, but haven't
fully accepted themselves and finished coming out of the closet (acknowledging
their attraction to people of the same gender).
Reality Bisexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation. Many bisexuals are completely out
of the closet, but not on the lesbian/gay community's terms. In this regard, it is
worth noting that many lesbians and gay men are not completely out of the
closet and their process is generally respected. It is also worth noting that the
lesbian/gay community whose "terms" are in question here has tended to be
white and middle class, and the terms may be quite different for working class
lesbians, gays of color, etc. Bisexuals in this country share with lesbians and gays
the debilitating experience of heterosexism (the assumption that everyone is
heterosexual and thereby rendering other sexual identities deviant and/or
invisible) and homophobia (the hatred, fear, and discrimination against
homosexuals).
Myth Bisexuals are shallow, narcissistic, untrustworthy, hedonistic, and immoral.
Reality This myth reflects our culture's ambivalence over sex and pleasure. The "sex" in
bisexuality gets overemphasized, and our culture projects onto bisexuals its
fascination with and condemnation of sex and pleasure.
Myth Bisexual means having concurrent lovers of both sexes.
Reality Most bisexuals are primarily attracted to either men or women, but do not deny
the lesser attraction, whether or not they act on it. Some bisexuals are never
sexual with women, or men, or either. Bisexuality is about dreams and desires
and capacities as much as it is about acts. Bisexuals are people who can have
lovers of either sex, not people who must have lovers of both sexes. Some
bisexual people may have concurrent lovers, but bisexuals do not need to be with
both sexes in order to feel fulfilled.
Myth Bisexuals are promiscuous hypersexual swingers who are attracted to every
woman and man they meet. Bisexuals cannot be monogamous, nor can they
marry or live in traditional committed relationships. They can’t be celibate.
Reality Bisexual people have a range of sexual behaviors. Like lesbians, gays or
heterosexuals, some have multiple partners, some have one partner, and some go
through their entire lives or certain periods without any partners. Promiscuity is
no more prevalent in the bisexual population than in other groups of people.
Myth Bisexuals spread AIDS to the lesbian and heterosexual communities.
Reality The myth above allows discrimination against bisexuals to be legitimized. The
label "bisexual" simply refers to sexual orientation. It says nothing about whether
one practices safe sex or not. AIDS occurs in people of all sexual orientations.
AIDS is contracted through unsafe sexual practices, shared needles, and
contaminated blood transfusions. Sexual orientation does not "cause" AIDS.
Myth Politically speaking, bisexuals are traitors to the cause of lesbian/gay liberation.
They pass as heterosexual to avoid trouble and maintain heterosexual privilege.
Reality Obviously there are bisexuals who pass as heterosexual to avoid trouble. There
are also many lesbians and gays who do this. To "pass" for heterosexual and
deny the part of you that loves people of the same gender is just as painful and
damaging for a bisexual as it is for a lesbian or gay person. Politicized bisexuals
remain aware of heterosexual privilege and are committed enough to
lesbian/gay/bisexual rights not to just abandon lesbian/gay communities when
in heterosexual relationships.
Myth Bisexual women will always leave their lesbian lovers for men.
Reality Although this does sometimes happen, bisexual women also have good,
long-term relationships with lesbians. There are bisexuals for whom bisexuality is
a phase; there are also lesbians for whom lesbianism is a phase. There are
bisexuals and lesbians who never really come to grips with their sexuality and
internalized homophobia. Bisexual women who truly accept themselves and their
sexuality will leave a relationship - with a woman or a man - when it no longer
works for them. As hard as it is to get clear about the reasons a relationship may
end, and as many challenges as lesbian relationships in particular may face, the
notion that bisexual women can't handle lesbian relationships is just a stereotype.
Myth Bisexuals get the best of both worlds and a doubled chance for a date on
Saturday night.
Reality Combine our society's extreme heterosexism and homophobia with lesbian and
gay hesitance to accept bisexuals into their community, and it might be more
accurate to say that bisexuals get the worst of both worlds. As to the doubled
chance for a date theory, that depends more upon the individual's personality
than it does upon her/his bisexuality. Bisexuals don't radiate raw sex any more
than do lesbians, gays, or heterosexuals. If a bisexual woman has a hard time
meeting people, her bisexuality won't help much.
Myth Bisexuals are desperately unhappy, endlessly seeking some kind of peace that
they cannot ever find.
Reality Like lesbians and gay men who have been told that they will live awful lives,
bisexuals can respond that much of the pain comes from oppression. People
concerned about the "awful lives" of bisexuals should join the fight against
homophobia.
It is important to remember that "bisexual," "lesbian," "gay," and "heterosexual" are labels
created by homophobic, biphobic, heterosexist society to separate and alienate us from each
other. We are all unique and don't fit into distinct categories. We sometimes need to use
these labels for political reasons and to increase our visibility. Acknowledging and accepting
the differences and seeing the beauty in our diversity facilitates our sexual esteem.
*Excerpted and altered from Sharon Sumpter's and Amanda Udis-Ressler's pieces on the
myths and realities of bisexuality. Both Sumpter and Udis-Ressler are self-identified
bisexuals.

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Bisexuality: Myths and Realities

Reality Some people go through a transitional period of bisexuality on their way to

Reality Whether an individual is an experimenting heterosexual or a bisexual depends on

Myth Bisexual means having concurrent lovers of both sexes.

Myth Bisexuals spread AIDS to the lesbian and heterosexual communities.

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