Helping Your Child with Autism Thrive

Parenting Tips, Treatments, and Services That Can

Help

There are many things parents can do to

help children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) overcome their challenges. But it’s also
important to make sure you get the support you need. When you’re looking after a child
with ASD, taking care of yourself is not a luxury or an act of selfishness—it’s a necessity.
Being emotionally strong allows you to be the best parent you can be to your child in need.
These parenting tips can help by making life with an autistic child easier.

A parent’s guide to autism treatment and support

If you’ve recently learned that your child has or might have autism spectrum disorder,
you’re probably wondering and worrying about what comes next. No parent is ever
prepared to hear that a child is anything other than happy and healthy, and an ASD
diagnosis can be particularly frightening. You may be unsure about how to best help your
child, or confused by conflicting treatment advice. Or you may have been told that ASD is an
incurable, lifelong condition, leaving you concerned that nothing you do will make a
difference.

While it is true that ASD is not something a person simply “grows out of,” there are many
treatments that can help children acquire new skills and overcome a wide variety of
developmental challenges. From free government services to in-home behavioral therapy
and school-based programs, assistance is available to meet your child’s special needs. With
the right treatment plan, and a lot of love and support, your child can learn, grow, and
thrive.

Don’t wait for a diagnosis

As the parent of a child with ASD or related developmental delays, the best thing you can
do is to start treatment right away. Seek help as soon as you suspect something’s wrong.
Don’t wait to see if your child will catch up later or outgrow the problem. Don’t even wait
for an official diagnosis. The earlier children with autism spectrum disorder get help, the
greater their chance of treatment success. Early intervention is the most effective way to
speed up your child’s development and reduce the symptoms of autism over the lifespan.

When your child has autism

Learn about autism. The more you know about autism spectrum disorder, the better
equipped you’ll be to make informed decisions for your child. Educate yourself about the
treatment options, ask questions, and participate in all treatment decisions.

Become an expert on your child. Figure out what triggers your kid’s challenging or
disruptive behaviors and what elicits a positive response. What does your child find stressful
or frightening? Calming? Uncomfortable? Enjoyable? If you understand what affects your
child, you’ll be better at troubleshooting problems and preventing or modifying situations
that cause difficulties.

Accept your child, quirks and all. Rather than focusing on how your autistic child is
different from other children and what he or she is “missing,” practice acceptance. Enjoy
your kid’s special quirks, celebrate small successes, and stop comparing your child to
others. Feeling unconditionally loved and accepted will help your child more than anything
else.

Don’t give up. It’s impossible to predict the course of autism spectrum disorder. Don’t
jump to conclusions about what life is going to be like for your child. Like everyone else,
people with autism have an entire lifetime to grow and develop their abilities.
Helping your child with autism thrive tip 1: Provide
structure and safety
Learning all you can about autism and getting involved in treatment will go a long way
toward helping your child. Additionally, the following tips will make daily home life easier
for both you and your child with ASD:

Be consistent. Children with ASD have a hard time applying what they’ve learned in one
setting (such as the therapist’s office or school) to others, including the home. For example,
your child may use sign language at school to communicate, but never think to do so at
home. Creating consistency in your child’s environment is the best way to reinforce
learning. Find out what your child’s therapists are doing and continue their techniques at
home. Explore the possibility of having therapy take place in more than one place in order
to encourage your child to transfer what he or she has learned from one environment to
another. It’s also important to be consistent in the way you interact with your child and deal
with challenging behaviors.

Stick to a schedule. Children with ASD tend to do best when they have a highly-structured
schedule or routine. Again, this goes back to the consistency they both need and crave. Set
up a schedule for your child, with regular times for meals, therapy, school, and bedtime. Try
to keep disruptions to this routine to a minimum. If there is an unavoidable schedule
change, prepare your child for it in advance.

Reward good behavior. Positive reinforcement can go a long way with children with ASD,
so make an effort to “catch them doing something good.” Praise them when they act
appropriately or learn a new skill, being very specific about what behavior they’re being
praised for. Also look for other ways to reward them for good behavior, such as giving them
a sticker or letting them play with a favorite toy.

Create a home safety zone. Carve out a private space in your home where your child can
relax, feel secure, and be safe. This will involve organizing and setting boundaries in ways
your child can understand. Visual cues can be helpful (colored tape marking areas that are
off limits, labeling items in the house with pictures). You may also need to safety proof the
house, particularly if your child is prone to tantrums or other self-injurious behaviors.
Tip 2: Find nonverbal ways to connect
Connecting with a child with ASD can be challenging, but you don’t need to talk—or even
touch—in order to communicate and bond. You communicate by the way you look at your
child, by the tone of your voice, your body language – and possibly the way you touch your
child. Your child is also communicating with you, even if he or she never speaks. You just
need to learn the language.

Look for nonverbal cues. If you are observant and aware, you can learn to pick up on the
nonverbal cues that children with ASD use to communicate. Pay attention to the kinds of
sounds they make, their facial expressions, and the gestures they use when they’re tired,
hungry, or want something.

Figure out the motivation behind the tantrum. It’s only natural to feel upset when you
are misunderstood or ignored, and it’s no different for children with ASD. When children
with ASD act out, it’s often because you’re not picking up on their nonverbal cues. Throwing
a tantrum is their way of communicating their frustration and getting your attention.

Make time for fun. A child coping with ASD is still a child. For both children with ASD and
their parents, there needs to be more to life than therapy. Schedule playtime when your
child is most alert and awake. Figure out ways to have fun together by thinking about the
things that make your child smile, laugh, and come out of her/his shell. Your child is likely to
enjoy these activities most if they don’t seem therapeutic or educational. There are
tremendous benefits that result from your enjoyment of your child’s company and from your
child’s enjoyment of spending unpressured time with you. Play is an essential part of
learning for all children and shouldn’t feel like work.

Pay attention to your child’s sensory sensitivities. Many children with ASD are
hypersensitive to light, sound, touch, taste, and smell. Some children with autism are
“under-sensitive” to sensory stimuli. Figure out what sights, sounds, smells, movements,
and tactile sensations trigger your kid’s “bad” or disruptive behaviors and what elicits a
positive response. What does your child find stressful? Calming? Uncomfortable? Enjoyable?
If you understand what affects your child, you’ll be better at troubleshooting problems,
preventing situations that cause difficulties, and creating successful experiences.

Tip 3: Create a personalized autism treatment plan

With so many different treatments available, it can be tough to figure out which approach is
right for your child. Making things more complicated, you may hear different or even
conflicting recommendations from parents, teachers, and doctors. When putting together a
treatment plan for your child, keep in mind that there is no single treatment that works for
everyone. Each person on the autism spectrum is unique, with different strengths and
weaknesses.

A good treatment plan will:

Build on your child’s interests

Offer a predictable schedule
Teach tasks as a series of simple steps
Actively engage your child’s attention in highly structured activities
Provide regular reinforcement of behavior
Involve the parents

Source: National Institute of Mental Health

Your child’s treatment should be tailored according to his or her individual needs. You know
your child best, so it’s up to you to make sure those needs are being met. You can do that by
asking yourself the following questions:

What are my child’s strengths – and his or her weaknesses?

What behaviors are causing the most problems? What important skills is my child
lacking?

How does my child learn best – through seeing, listening, or doing?

What does my child enjoy – and how can those activities be used in treatment and to
bolster learning?

Finally, keep in mind that no matter what treatment plan is chosen, your involvement is vital
to success. You can help your child get the most out of treatment by working hand-in-hand
with the treatment team and following through with the therapy at home. (This is why your
well-being is essential!)
Choosing autism treatments

When it comes to autism treatment, there are a dizzying variety of therapies and
approaches. Some autism therapies focus on reducing problematic behaviors and building
communication and social skills, while others deal with sensory integration problems, motor
skills, emotional issues, and food sensitivities.

With so many choices, it is extremely important to do your research, talk to autism

treatment experts, and ask questions. But keep in mind that you don’t have to choose just
one type of therapy. The goal of autism treatment should be to treat your child’s unique
array of symptoms and needs. This often requires a combined treatment approach that
incorporates several different types of therapy.

Common autism treatments include behavior therapy, speech-language therapy, play-based

therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and nutritional therapy. But keep in mind
that the routine is important and the program should be designed in a way that can be
sustained. You should think about what skills and behaviors are most essential and treat
those first. It may not be possible to tackle everything at once.

Tip 4: Find help and support

Caring for a child with ASD can demand a lot of energy and time. There may be days when
you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or discouraged. Parenting isn’t ever easy, and raising a
child with special needs is even more challenging. In order to be the best parent you can be,
it’s essential that you take care of yourself.

Don’t try to do everything on your own. You don’t have to! There are many places that
families of children with ASD can turn to for advice, a helping hand, advocacy, and support:

ADS support groups – Joining an ASD support group is a great way to meet other families
dealing with the same challenges you are. Parents can share information, get advice, and
lean on each other for emotional support. Just being around others in the same boat and
sharing their experience can go a long way toward reducing the isolation many parents feel
after receiving a child’s diagnosis.

Respite care – Every parent needs a break now and again. And for parents coping with the
added stress of ASD, this is especially true. In respite care, another caregiver takes over
temporarily, giving you a break for a few hours, days, or even weeks.
Individual, marital, or family counseling – If stress, anxiety, or depression is getting to
you, you may want to see a therapist of your own. Therapy is a safe place where you can talk
honestly about everything you’re feeling—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Marriage or
family therapy can also help you work out problems that the challenges of life with an
autistic child are causing in your spousal relationship or with other family members.

Free U.S. government services for children with autism

Under the U.S. federal law known as the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA),
children with disabilities—including those with ASD—are eligible for a range of free or low-
cost services. Under this provision, children in need and their families may receive medical
evaluations, psychological services, speech therapy, physical therapy, parent counseling and
training, assisted technology devices, and other specialized services.

Children under the age of 10 do not need an autism diagnosis to receive free services under
IDEA. If they are experiencing a developmental delay (including delays in communication or
social development), they are automatically eligible for early intervention and special
education services.

Early intervention services (birth through age two)

Infants and toddlers through the age of two receive assistance through the Early
Intervention program. In order to qualify, your child must first undergo a free evaluation. If
the assessment reveals a developmental problem, you will work with early intervention
treatment providers to develop an Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP). An IFSP
describes your child’s needs and the specific services he or she will receive.

For autism, an IFSP would include a variety of behavior, physical, speech, and play
therapies. It would focus on preparing kids with ASD for the eventual transition to school.
Early intervention services are typically conducted in the home or at a child care center.

To locate local early intervention services for your child, ask your pediatrician for a referral
or use the resources listed in the Resources section at the end of the article.

Special education services (age three and older)

Children over the age of three receive assistance through school-based programs. As with
early intervention, special education services are tailored to your child’s individual needs.
Children with ASD are often placed with other developmentally delayed kids in small groups
where they can receive more individual attention and specialized instruction. However,
depending on their abilities, they may also spend at least part of the school day in a regular
classroom. The goal is to place kids in the “least restrictive environment” possible where
they are still able to learn.

If you’d like to pursue special education services, your local school system will first need to
evaluate your child. Based on this assessment, an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) will
be drafted. An IEP outlines the educational goals for your child for the school year.
Additionally, it describes the special services or supports the school will provide your child
in order to meet those goals.

Know your child’s rights

As the parent of a child with ASD, you have a legal right to:

Be involved in developing your child’s IEP from start to finish

Disagree with the school system’s recommendations
Seek an outside evaluation for your child
Invite anyone you want—from a relative to your child’s doctor—to be on the IEP team
Request an IEP meeting at any time if you feel your child’s needs are not being met
Free or low-cost legal representation if you can’t come to an agreement with the
school

Other resources

The Autism Revolution – Whole Body Strategies for Making Life all it can be (Harvard
Health Books)

Living with Autism – Including how to cope with stress on the family, make the home safe,
and deal with sibling issues. (Autism Society of America)

Life Journey Through Autism: A Parent’s Guide to Research (PDF) – Guide to choosing
treatments for your children. (Organization for Autism Research)

Parent Guide to IDEA – Guide to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) in
the U.S. (National Center for Learning Disabilities)
Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) – Learn all about IEPs in the U.S. for kids with autism
and other developmental issues. (KidsHealth)

How is Autism Treated? – Therapies and treatments. (Autism Speaks)

Hotlines and support

Find support and advocacy services:

In the U.S.: Autism Source

UK: The National Autistic Society: Services
Australia: Early Intervention Services
Canada: Autism Canada: Navigating Services
New Zealand: Autism New Zealand Inc.

Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A., Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., and Ted Hutman, Ph.D. Last
updated: June 2019.

Ted Hutman, Ph.D. is Assistant Clinical Professor in Psychiatry at the David Geffen School of
Medicine at UCLA and a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Santa Monica, CA.