An Assessment 1

Running head: GOTTMAN

An Assessment and Critical Evaluation of the Contribution of John Gottman

Emma Stiner

Susquehanna University – Selinsgrove, PA

An Assessment and Critical Evaluation of the Contribution of John Gottman

Communication is not only the study of what we say to others, but more so the way in

which we say them. John Gottman specifically focuses on communication within marriages and

romantic relationships. In Gottman’s studies, he looks at how romantic partners communicate

during conflict and, after evaluating their behavior, can predict if the couple will get a divorce

with ninety-four percent accuracy. This paper will explore Gottman’s studies regarding martial

conflict and relationships, and examine how his results from these studies helped in the creation

of the Sound Relationship House model and his seven principles for making marriage work.

Biography

Dr. John Gottman was born on April 26, 1942 in the Dominican Republic. At a young

age, the Gottman family moved from the Dominican Republic to New York City, where he was

raised by his father, an Orthodox rabbi, and his mother in a Jewish household. Gottman attended

Fairleigh Dickinson University after graduating high school and received his Bachelor’s degree

in mathematics. He then went on to receive his Master’s in mathematics at the Massachusetts

Institute of Technology. While attending MIT, Gottman became interested in psychology and

eventually decided to study relationships instead of mathematics. He attended the University of

Wisconsin – Madison and received his Doctorate in clinical psychology in 1971 (Harmon, 2017).

After graduating from the University of Wisconsin – Madison, Gottman started teaching

at Indiana University and met Robert Levenson, a psychologist who was also studying

relationships. Levenson and Gottman decided to work together and started a study where they

videotaped a variety of different couples to evaluate their behaviors during conflict. These

behaviors were analyzed to gain insight on the behaviors that are more commonly seen in
 An Assessment 3

couples that get divorced. A few years after their study, Gottman and Levenson followed up with

the couples to see how they were doing (Harmon, 2017).

After fifteen years of teaching at Indiana, Gottman moved to Seattle, Washington and

started teaching at the University of Washington. While he taught there, he and a group of

researchers “developed a ‘love lab,’ where they videotaped couples talking about a contentious

topic and later measured how the couple fought over the topic” (Harmon, 2017). The researchers

analyzed the couples’ behavior and looked for different characteristics such as criticism and

defensiveness, which allowed the researchers to predict divorce at a ninety-four percent

accuracy. About three to six years after being studied, the couples were contacted and asked

about their relationship status (2017).

In 1986, he met Julie Schwartz, a clinical psychologist and they immediately fell in love.

Julie and John got married a few years later and continued to work on Gottman’s research. In

1996, John and Julie co-founded the Gottman Institute, where they hosted couple seminars,

couples counseling and continued to research more about marriage and relationship stability

(Harmon, 2017).

Gottman has written over forty books and has won many awards for his contributions,

including, but not limited to, four National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Awards

(Gottman Institute, 2017). Today, Gottman is still teaching at the University of Washington,

researching through the Gottman Institute and publishing his findings.

Approach to Research

While some may think Gottman would use a scientific approach to his research due to his

elaborate mathematical background, he uses a humanistic approach to his research regarding

martial relationships and stability. Humanism uses qualitative research methods such as

interviews, questionnaires and unstructured observations, to gather data based on ideas that

cannot be quantified such as behaviors and body language (McLeod, 2007). In Gottman’s

various studies, he looks at the quality of the conversations and evaluates the couples based on

the characteristics of their behavior, known as the four horsemen. The four horsemen consist of

defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling and contempt (Schwartz Gottman & Gottman, 2015).

Gottman uses this humanistic approach because the quality of the conversation and interaction

between both partners can be easily evaluated. Through this, he can understand how and why the

partner is behaving that way and how it can affect their marriage or relationship. A scientific

approach to his study would not be effective as the results and findings would be figures that

could not be further evaluated and improved upon. Even though having qualitative research

findings can be hard to compare, it allows Gottman and other researchers the opportunity to

further evaluate and analyze the relationship and its effects (McLeod, 2007).

Research and Findings

Gottman focused his research on analyzing a variety of different relationships to discover

what happily married couples do as opposed to those who are not happy. Throughout his

research regarding relationships and martial stability, Gottman has followed seven hundred

couples through seven different studies he has been a part of. His most famous study was the

love lab, which lasted sixteen years and consisted of fifty couples being videotaped in an

apartment created by Gottman and his fellow researchers at the University of Washington in

Seattle (Gottman & Silver, 1999). The researchers told the participants to bring everything they

would need to be comfortable and asked them to act as natural as possible so they could analyze
 An Assessment 5

the behavior accurately (Gottman & Silver, 1999). The participants were monitored from 9 am to

9 pm and were not monitored when using the bathroom for privacy reasons (1999).

The love lab was disguised as a typical apartment with the only difference being that the

apartment was equipped with cameras and sensors recording the body language and behavior of

the couples participating in the study. The cameras were used to record “their every word and

facial expression” and the sensors were used to track “bodily signs of stress and relaxation, such

as how quickly their hearts pound” (Gottman & Silver, 1999, p.2). Researchers were also able to

analyze and evaluate the couples in the apartment through a one-way mirror, which gave

researchers an inside look on how the couple was interacting without them even knowing (1999).

In addition to the various ways of monitoring the couple, staff would take blood and urine

samples occasionally during the couples stay in the love lab (Schwartz Gottman & Gottman,

2015). After compiling and analyzing the results, the researchers found a major difference in the

immune system responses between people who are happily married and people who are

unsatisfied with their marriage. Gottman writes about what he gathered from the study in his

book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, and says, “in general, happily married

men and women showed a greater proliferation of these white blood cells when exposed to

foreign invaders than did the other subjects” (1999). Gottman later comments on how there

needs to be more research done to confirm the benefits of good marriages such as longevity and

the health effects (1999).

In just five minutes of watching the couples interact, Gottman can predict the future of

the couple – either staying married or getting a divorce – with ninety-one percent accuracy

(1999). To predict the future relationship status of the couple, Gottman relied on six signs when
 An Assessment 6

predicting divorce. These six signs include: harsh startup, four horsemen, flooding, body

language, failed repair attempts and bad memories (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

The first sign is harsh startup, which means that the start of the conversation can determine

the outcome of the argument. If the conversation starts out negatively with criticism and sarcasm,

the outcome of the discussion will not be favorable. Gottman comments on this by saying, “96

percent of the time you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three

minutes of the fifteen-minute interaction” (Gottman & Silver, 1999, p.27). The best way to fix

this problem is to look back on the situation, relax and take a breather, and then talk about it in a

more rational way (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

The next sign of predicting divorce is the four horsemen. Gottman uses the four horsemen as

a basis for his evaluation of couple’s interactions and they include criticism, contempt,

defensiveness and stonewalling. Criticism refers to the negative words someone uses to describe

their partner’s personality or character (1999). Once criticism exists in a relationship it can lead

to couples dealing with worse horsemen. The next horsemen is contempt. There are various ways

to show contempt such as eye rolling, mocking and name calling, sarcasm, and cynicism. When

contempt is present in conversations between partners, it “is poisonous to a relationship because

it conveys disgust” (Gottman & Silver, 1999, p.29). With contempt present in the conversation, it

can be nearly impossible to resolve a disagreement and can lead to more conflict. When

defensiveness, the next horsemen, is added to the disagreement, it puts blame on one’s partner.

Gottman writes in his book of defensiveness, “Defensiveness just escalates the conflict, which is

why it’s so deadly” (1999, p.32). When a partner becomes defensive, the conflict just gets worse.

Once partners get to the point of defensiveness, the fourth and final horsemen, stonewalling, can

come into play. If criticism, contempt and defensiveness are all present in the conflict, it is
 An Assessment 7

common for a partner to tune out what the other one is saying or stonewall them. This is most

common with couples who have been married for a long time (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

The next sign for predicting divorce is flooding, which refers to when a partner becomes

very overwhelmed within a short amount of time. When someone feels flooded with the

negativity from the other partner, they do not know what to do and begin to shut down. Once a

partner starts feeling flooded, they start to show it through their body language, which is the

fourth sign for predicting divorce. Gottman writes about how even if he did not hear what the

couple was talking about, he, “would be able to predict their divorce simply by looking at his

physiological readings” (Gottman & Silver, 1999, p.36). Some examples of these physical

reactions are, increased heart rate, hormonal changes, sweating and increased blood pressure.

When a partner is feeling the physical reactions, it makes discussing the problem and solving it

very tough. These feelings make it harder to process the information as well as listen effectively,

which makes the situation even worse than it should be (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

The fifth sign for predicting divorce is failed repair attempts. Gottman defines failed

repair attempts as, “efforts the couple makes to deescalate the tension during a touchy

discussion-to put on the brakes so flooding is prevented” (Gottman & Silver, 1999, p.39).

Attempting to repair the relationship and solve the conflict shows the strength of the relationship.

If the four horsemen are already ruling the couple’s communication, it can be hard to attempt to

repair it. Repair attempts are important to the marriage’s future because if they are successful,

they can greatly benefit the marriage by showing the willingness to communicate effectively

(Gottman & Silver, 1999).

Having excessive amounts of bad memories is Gottman’s sixth and final step in

predicting divorce. Couples who are happily married are able to recall most of the highlights of
 An Assessment 8

their relationship. When and if they remember the tougher times “they glorify the struggles

they’ve been through, drawing strength from the adversity they weathered together” (Gottman &

Silver, 1999, p.42). Couples who are not happily married, on the other hand, tend to repeat their

past and do not remember the times they have spent together as it could be perceived as painful

or meaningless. By asking about a couple’s relationship, Gottman can predict if they will last

based on their ability to recall the memories they have made together and by the way they in

which talk about them (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

Through his studies, the results Gottman has collected have validated his theory called

the Sound Relationship House (Schwartz Gottman & Gottman, 2015). Within the Sound

Relationship House are Gottman’s seven principles for making marriage work. These seven

principles act as the separate floors of the house and include, enhance your love maps, nurture

your fondness and admiration, turn toward each other instead of away, let your partner influence

you, solve your solvable problems, overcome gridlock and create shared meaning.

The base of the Sound Relationship House is Gottman’s principle of enhancing your love

maps. For a couple to make their marriage work, Gottman says the basis of a relationship is

friendship and “knowing each other’s psychological worlds well enough to map them” (Schwartz

Gottman & Gottman, 2015, p.43). Someone’s needs, wants, values, experiences and priorities all

make up their world (2015). By asking open-ended questions, about feelings and experiences,

one can learn more about their partner and can help someone create and update their partner’s

love map. Share your fondness and admiration is the next level in the Sound Relationship House

and emphasizes the importance of showing your appreciation for the other. At this level, it is

important for a partner to “not only feeling love and admiration, but also expressing it often”

(Schwartz Gottman & Gottman, 2015, p.43). The last level that makes up how well couples
 An Assessment 9

maintain their relationship is the principle of turn toward each other instead of away. Schwartz

Gottman and Gottman comment on this principle by saying, “The third floor is built from those

small moments when partners make a bid for each other’s attention and connection” (2015,

p.43). This principle shows that, by listening to your partner, acknowledging what they are

saying and being aware of what they need, the relationship you have built based on friendship,

intimacy and passion is strong and will continue to be strong if these actions continue (Schwartz

Gottman & Gottman, 2015).

The positive perspective is the next principle in Gottman’s seven principles to make

marriage work and, “refers to an overall feeling partners have about each other in which one

partner’s positive sentiments outweigh the negative response he or she may have to the other’s

occasional bad behavior” (Schwartz Gottman & Gottman, 2015, p.43). To have a successful

relationship and maintain the positive perspective, the friendship must be strong and conflict

must be managed effectively through open and positive communication. The key to the positive

perspective principle is to make sure the benefits of the relationships (positive perspectives)

outweigh the costs (negative perspectives) (Schwartz Gottman & Gottman, 2015).

The principle of managing conflict makes up the fourth floor of the Sound Relationship

House and requires six skills. The six skills are, raising a complaint softly, accepting influence

when attempting compromise, making repairs during discussion, deescalating when the four

horsemen are present, self-soothing, and processing and recovery. If these skills are present,

couples have a strong relationship and can help prevent any conflict from being worse than it

should be (Schwartz Gottman and Gottman, 2015). In a Psychology Today article written by

Gottman and Dr. Sybil Carrere, both researchers include real-life examples of dialogue between

couples during a conflict. One of the couples, Wilma and Harris, have been married for eleven
 An Assessment 10

years and after analyzing their conflict, Gottman predicts that they will last due to their ability to

de-escalate the problem, compromise and accept each other’s differences (2000).

The last two levels are, make life dreams come true and create shared meaning. Each

partner needs to support each other in their dreams and help them achieve it. If they do not

support each other’s dreams and get gridlocked on an issue, it shows the lack of compromise and

ability to work together. Couples need to discuss what they hope to get out of life and their

relationship, so they can create shared meaning. By doing this, couples grow closer to each other

and can understand one another on a deeper level (Schwartz Gottman & Gottman, 2015).

Trust and commitment act as the walls and complete the Sound Relationship House

(Schwartz Gottman & Gottman). The wall of trust “refers to each partner knowing that the other

partner will be there for them in a host of ways” (Schwartz Gottman & Gottman, 2015, p.43).

Trust is important because it shows their love for the other by being there for them when dealing

with a variety of situations. The other wall makes up the idea of commitment and “is about

loyalty, cherishing one’s partner above all others, not scanning the horizon for who might be

better” (Schwartz Gottman & Gottman, 2015, p.43). Commitment is important as it shows

loyalty and lets your partner know that you are there for them no matter what.

Usefulness of Works

Before Gottman’s elaborate studies about marriage and relationship stability, there were

not many studies done regarding relationships that had the remarkable results Gottman had. The

Sound Relationship House model, along with Gottman’s seven principles for making marriage

work, give couples evidence that the methods he outlines do help prevent divorce. By

approaching his research in a humanistic way, Gottman was able to learn more about the
 An Assessment 11

relationships he evaluated through the qualitative data he collected. His method of observing

couples and asking them questions about their marriage helped him collect the best possible

results, which allowed him to draw significant conclusions about martial stability and

relationships.

Application to Life

While researching Gottman and his studies regarding marriage, I gained an insight into

my parent’s marriage and how their relationship can be explained through Gottman’s work. In

the last few years, I have come to the realization that my parent’s marriage is not always happy

and they have things they need to work on. When my parents argue, for example, it usually

begins with a harsh startup, which is the first sign of predicting divorce. It can also reach the

level where the four horsemen and flooding are present. Along with this, my parents usually do

not talk about their past memories and cannot recall some main events in their relationship, such

as their first date. While my parents do know a lot about each other, they both have a lot more to

learn and could do this by enhancing their love maps. While my parents’ marriage of twenty-six

years is not always the healthiest, if Gottman’s principles outlined in the Sound Relationship

House are followed, my parents can grow to learn more about each other and deal with conflict

in a way in which flooding and the four horsemen are not present.

Through his research and studies about marriage and relationships, John Gottman

collected meaningful results, which allowed him to develop the Sound Relationship House

model. Gottman’s extensive research and results have earned him many awards and have given

him the opportunity to share it with those in rocky marriages through his numerous books.

Gottman’s hardworking attitude is shown through his books, continued research and his Institute,

where, along with his wife, they help couples through counseling and workshops.
 An Assessment 12

References

Gottman, J., & Carrere, S. (2000). Welcome to the love lab. Psychology Today, 33, 44-47.

Retrieved November 4, 2017, from

http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edsgea&AN=edsgcl.66380417&

site=eds-live&scope=site.

Gottman, PhD., J., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New

York, New York: Three Rivers Press.

Harmon, A. (2017). John Gottman. Salem Press Biographical Encyclopedia. Retrieved

November 4, 2017, from

http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ers&AN=121772745&site=eds-

live&scope=site

McLeod, S. (2007). Humanism. Retrieved November 6, 2017, from

https://www.simplypsychology.org/humanistic.html

Schwartz Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2015). Lessons from the love lab. Psychotherapy

Networker Magazine, 39, 36-52. Retrieved November 4, 2017, from

http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=110873800&site=eds-

live&scope=site.

The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). John & Julie Gottman. Retrieved November 04, 2017, from

https://www.gottman.com/about/john-julie-gottman/