Flirt Like a Pro: How to Be an
Irresistible Flirt, Create Intense Sexual
Tension, and Make Women Go Weak at
the Knees
By Dominic Mann
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Introduction
What the Flirt
What is Flirting?
Why Flirt?
Why Most Men Suck at Flirting
6 Steps to Becoming an Irresistible Flirt
Think Sexy
Takes Charge
Gives Zero Fucks
Is a Man With a Mission
Assume the Sale
Summary
How to Use Conversation to Establish a Deep Connection with Her
Connecting Topic #1
Connecting Topic #2
Connecting Topic #3
Connecting Topic #4
It’s All a Balancing Act
Escalate, Escalate, Escalate
Summary
One Trick That Makes You Sexier, Builds Instant Familiarity, and
Makes the Conversation 10X More Exciting
How to Not Make Her Fall Asleep
How to Get the Most Bang for Your Questions
Why Statements Are Better Than Questions
From Dull Questions to Flirty Statements
Sexy Body Language
Body Language Basics
Mastering Nonverbals
Conclusion
Introduction
Flirting is essential to getting the girl.
If you can’t flirt or don’t flirt, she’ll see you as a “just friends” guy.
There will zero sexual tension and zero attraction—not what you want.
Flirting is the difference between friendly conversation and sexy
conversation. The difference between her seeing you as friend zone material
and her going weak at the knees for you.
The power of flirting is aptly summed up in a quote from the
television series Mad Men :
“You gotta let them know what kind of guy you are, then they’ll know
what kind of girl to be”
In other words, are you a friendly nice guy or a sexual man? Are you
friend zone material or lover material?
Now, if you’re reading this book, you’re probably a rather clumsy
flirt. Or maybe you don’t know how to flirt at all.
But that’s okay, because despite seeming like an impossible concept
to grasp (I mean, you just… flirt . Right? What the heck does that even
mean? What are you supposed to do?), flirting is actually quite simple.
Once you get the surprisingly simple core techniques down pat, flirting is
not only easy, but fun .
So, without further ado, let’s dive right in and turn you into an
irresistible flirt.
What the Flirt
WHAT IS FLIRTING?
What is flirting?
A good place to find an answer to this question would be the
dictionary.
flirt
verb
1. behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully
rather than with serious intentions.
"she began to tease him, flirting with other men in front of him"
From this definition, there is one word that is particularly important.
Want to guess?
Here it is: Playfully .
Flirting is playful. It’s lighthearted and fun, not serious and sombre.
It’s playful and subtle, not direct and blunt.
In a moment, we’ll take a look at the most common mistakes men
make when flirting. For now, let’s explore the purpose of flirting.
WHY FLIRT?
Why flirt?
To answer this question, let’s take a look at an example of a
conversation where there is zero flirtation.
Guy: Where are you from?
Girl: Melbourne!
Guy: Australia? Wow. So you managed to survive all the deadly
animals?
Girl: Yeah. *laughs*
Guy: Nah, seriously though, I’ve heard it’s one of the world’s most
livable cities or something. Why’d you move?
Girl: Yeah, it’s a pretty great place to live. I moved because…”
Blah, blah, blah. And the conversation continues.
Notice the problem?
In case you didn’t, here’s the answer: The conversation is entirely
platonic. There are no sexual undertones whatsoever. For all we know, it
could be two guys talking.
To put it bluntly, the guy in the example conversation is going to be
going home alone.
At best, he goes home alone, at worst, he gets stuck in her friend
zone. (Note: The friend zone is worse because it’s a total waste of time and
leads nowhere.)
And so there you have it, the answer to why flirting is an essential
component of seduction. It gets her imagining the two of you together
romantically and makes it clear in her mind that you’re a sexual man, not a
“just friends” kind of guy.
Okay, so if flirting is essential to getting women to see you as a man
to have sex with, and not a “friend”, then why are most guys terrible at
flirting?
Let’s take a look at the most common mistakes made by almost all
men.
WHY MOST MEN SUCK AT FLIRTING
The guys who avoid the mistake of not flirting at all (and thus ending
up as “just friends”), almost always end up making one of the following
mistakes.
Fortunately for you, this means that as you develop your flirting
skills, you’ll have an added advantage when it comes to seducing the ladies.
Anyway, here are the most common mistakes guys make when
flirting…
THEY’RE TOO OBVIOUS
When it comes to flirting, many guys are just way too obvious.
Why is this a problem?
It sucks the mystery out of the interaction. And along with that
mystery goes excitement. Intrigue is fun, but being obvious kills it.
Here’s an example of clumsy, obvious flirting:
Girl: I love sports bras.
Guy: I bet you’d look amazing in a sports bra.
Ugh. Too obvious.
So what should flirting look like instead?
Well, as you’ll discover in the next chapter, great flirting is far more
subtle. It’s done through implication rather than stating things outright. It
leaves more mystery and intrigue—more for women to guess about.
THEY’RE TOO DIRECT
Being overly direct also kills the excitement of intrigue.
For example, this is why it is generally unwise to compliment women
based on their physical looks. (E.g. “You have gorgeous eyes,” or, “Wow,
aren’t you a stunner?” or, “Are you a model?”)
Aside from making it seem as though you’ve never been with an
attractive woman before (an unattractive trait in and of itself), you kill any
mystery there might have been about your intentions.
On top of that, being too direct sexually, (e.g. “I’m going to fuck you
so hard later”) eliminates a woman’s ability to absolve herself of feelings of
slutiness by reasoning that sex “just happened.” Women have been
socialized to feel shame and fear about being perceived (by either herself,
her friends, or even just society at large) as “slutty” or sexually
promiscuous. So when you’re too direct with a woman you’ve only recently
met and make it clear you’re going to bang her, most women bring up some
excuse or just disappear. You can think of this as their “anti-slut defense.”
What you need to do instead is give her a way to rationalize sex as
something that “just happened”—plausible deniability. For example, “I’ve
got this awesome pool table at my place, we’ll go play a round.” While you
and her both know what’s going to happen (hint: it starts with an “f” and
ends with a “k”), this example gives her a way to rationalize it away. She
can tell herself that she’s just going back to your place to have some fun and
see what happens rather than that she’s going to your place to have sex with
you, which would leave her feeling dirty and slutty.
Anyway, so what’s the lesson?
Don’t be so direct!
THEY USE FRIENDLY BANTER RATHER THAN
SEXUAL FLIRTING
If you have a group of male friends, you guys probably banter a lot.
However, unless you’re gay, (which you’re probably not if you’re reading
this book) the banter isn’t going to have any sexual undertones.
Unfortunately for many guys, they use this same kind of non-sexual
banter when attempting to flirt.
For an example of the difference between friendly and sexual
(nonverbal) flirting, consider the difference between giving a girl a “high
five” versus holding hands. One is non-sexual, the other unmistakably
sexual.
Unfortunately, most guys take the less risky route rather than making
a bold, risky move. This leaves interactions they have with girls with no
sort of sexual undertone.
Moving on, here’s how to avoid these mistakes and become an
irresistible flirt…
6 Steps to Becoming an Irresistible
Flirt
The number one key to flirting is…
SUBTLETY
Earlier, we talked about a mistake that most guys make when flirting:
Being too obvious.
The solution?
Be subtle.
And how does one be subtle?
Simple. Take your blunt, clumsy, overly direct attempt at flirting and
make it indirect . Remember this clumsy, overly direct example from
earlier?
Girl: I love sports bras.
Guy: I bet you’d look amazing in a sports bra.
Now, let’s make this overly direct attempt at flirting more subtle by
making it indirect …
Girl: I love sports bras.
Guy: Really? Well, believe it or not, I love girls who love sports bras.
See how that works? In both examples, the guy is saying that he likes
the girl. The difference is that in the second example, he says it indirectly.
It’s more subtle because he implies attraction. He doesn’t reveal all his
cards.
Implying you like a girl (or want to have sex with her) is far more
exciting to women than simply saying, “Hey, let’s fuck.”
In addition to creating excitement through intrigue, you demonstrate
that you’re a guy with standards. You don’t just chase after anything with a
skirt. But when you’re overly direct and stumble over your words, you
come across as a guy drools over anything with two legs and long hair.
But by deftly weaving your intentions behind a veil of subtlety and
implication, you not only create excitement through mystery, but you come
across as a high-value guy she should want to be with.
Speaking of being a high-value guy, this brings us to the next method
of flirting…
AGREE AND AMPLIFY
When you’re interacting with high-quality women, (or any women
for that matter, but attractive women in particular do this) you’ll get tested.
Women test you in an attempt to ruffle your feathers and put you off
balance. If you demonstrate you give zero fucks, you pass the test and her
attraction for you grows.
If you get all insecure and defensive, trying to justify yourself, you
fail the test and her attraction for you wanes.
A woman’s test generally come in the form of a snide remark, off-
putting question, or the asking of an unnecessary favor. Here’s some
examples:
“I bet you use that line on all the girls.”
“How many women have you slept with?”
“Buy me a drink!”
The easiest way to pass these tests is to agree and amplify.
What does that mean?
Agree with what she says and exaggerate it to the point of it being
absurd. Here are examples of agreeing and amplifying the above “tests”:
Girl: I bet you use that line on all the girls.
Guy: Yeah, I literally wake up every morning with a bed full of
women, it’s that damn effective.
Girl: How many women have you slept with?
Guy: What, today? Not many…
Girl: Buy me a drink!
Guy: Sure. Would you like my ATM pin, too?
Moving on, let’s take a look at a flirting technique that I personally
find quite fun…
ACT LIKE YOU’RE THE PRIZE
Most hot women know that they are the prize. They have dozens, if
not hundreds, of guys hit on them every day.
But guess what?
You can flip this whole boys-chase-girls dynamic on its head.
How?
By insinuating that she is the one chasing you. That she’s “just
another girl” who’s hitting on you and trying to seduce you. You frame the
conversation as if she’s the pursuer and you’re just an innocent victim of
her incessant attempts at seducing you.
How do you do this?
You frame her as the pursuer while positioning yourself as the prize
by playfully twisting her words and actions to make it like she’s hitting on
you, attempting to seduce you, and trying to turn you on. Here are some
examples:
Girl: I love sports bras!
Guy: Don’t try to make me think of you in a sports bra.
Girl: Want to grab another drink?
Guy: Oh, I see how it is. Trying to get me drunk so you can take
advantage of me?
Girl: *Inadvertently staring at you while thinking about something*
Guy: Are you trying to seduce me?
Guy: I live just around the corner. We can go and grab a drink at my
place, but only if you promise to not try anything.
Girl: Massages are awesome!
Guy: Think you can seduce me by offering me free massages?
Girl: No!
Guy: Good, because it won’t work!
Moving on, let’s take a look at a method of flirting that puts her on a
rollercoaster ride of emotions and makes her all that more into you…
PUSH-PULL
Push-pull flirting involves, as the name suggests, pushing her away
(either physically, verbally, or both) and pulling her back in. For example:
Guy: You’re too cute for me to handle. Shoo! *playful shove*
He both “pulls her in” emotionally by suggesting that he thinks she’s
cute, but he also pushes her away. This contradiction creates excitement.
Here’s another push-pull example:
Guy: You’re awesome… you’re like my little sister.
He “pulls her in” by telling her she’s awesome. But then he says that
she’s like his little sister, which is a bit of a “push” because… well, what
guy is attracted to women that remind him of his little sister?
This up and down, push and pull, creates intrigue and excitement,
which gets the the girl more invested in the interaction. In addition to that,
push-pull also demonstrates you’re a high-value guy. For example:
Imagine you met this gorgeous girl who seems to be just your type.
She’s funny, charming, and intelligent—not to mention hot as hell.
Now, imagine she just throws herself at your feet. She’s way too easy.
Because of this, you’re probably going to rethink your initial
impression. You’ll be like, “Wait, I thought this was a high-quality woman?
Why’s she just throwing herself at me? There’s no challenge whatsoever.”
Women are no different. This is one of the reasons they walk all over
needy “nice guys” who buy her drinks and worship the ground she walks on
while chasing after “jerks” and “bad boys” who treat her like shit. As
Thomas Paine said:
“What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only
that gives every thing its value.”
Push-pull flirting demonstrates that you’re a high-value guy.
Moving on…
ROLE-PLAYING
Role-playing is not only great fun, but it can help to create sexual
tension between the two of you by accentuating the masculine and feminine
dynamic.
You do this by taking on the masculine/authority role and her taking
on the feminine/petite/submissive role. For example, you could pretend to
be a school headmaster and framing her as a naughty little schoolgirl. Or
you could role-play as a policeman, her boss, or some other such role. For
example:
Guy: That was very naughty, I’m going to have to give you an after
school detention for that.
Moving on, let’s take a look at the final step to great flirting…
FLIRTATIOUS NONVERBALS
In case you forgot, flirting is playful. If you come off as too serious,
you’ll be seen as awkward at best and creepy at worst.
This begs the question: How do you avoid coming off as creepy?
How do you maintain a light, playful, fun vibe?
Here’s how: By mastering your nonverbals.
When flirting, it’s a good idea to smile (not a big goofy smile, but at
least a small one), keep good eye contact, and just overall keep a fun vibe
that let’s her know you’re being playful.
You can also touch her forearm or shoulder as a way of signally that
you’re just messing with her (i.e. flirting).
Your tone of voice can also be used to nonverbally communicate
playfulness (as opposed to seriousness).
So in sum, use your tone of voice, facial expression (i.e. smile), eye
contact, and touch to keep the vibe fun and playful and avoid coming off
too serious (and thus awkward/creepy).
Think Sexy
What on earth does your mindset—the way you think—have to do
with flirting?
Surprisingly, a whole lot more than you might at first think.
So let’s take a look at the four components to a mindset that not only
helps make you an irresistible flirt, but also just makes you sexier in
general.
First up…
TAKES CHARGE
“The price of greatness is responsibility.”
― Winston Churchill
Why is it important to take charge?
Because you’re the guy. If you don’t do anything, nothing happens.
Feminine women rarely make a move of their own accord. Because you’re
the man, you need to approach a woman, create conversation, get her
number, set up a date, and take her to bed. You’re responsible for it all—the
entire interaction.
As such, cultivating a mindset of responsibility and taking charge is
essential , because it is literally your responsibility to make something
happen between you and a girl.
Lesson : Take charge of the interaction. Lead rather than follow.
GIVES ZERO FUCKS
“We are unhappy because we think that love is something we require
from someone else.”
― Arthur Japin
Giving zero fucks is just another way of saying that you have zero
neediness. You don’t seek (or need) the approval of others. You’re
completely confident in yourself and don’t need anyone or anything else to
feel good about yourself.
Now, you might be about to say, “But I’m not needy!!”
And yes, I’m sure that you don’t get jealous easily and that you’ve
never secretly scrolled through a girlfriend’s texts. But these are things done
only by massively needy and insecure people.
Neediness can be far more subtle. For example, you might be
talking to an attractive girl and you attempt to drop hints into the
conversation about how much you earn—subtle brags.
Now, ask yourself this: What does this imply?
If you’re not sure, here’s the answer to that question: It implies that
you feel you’re not good enough for her, and so you’re attempting to
compensate for this perceived inadequacy by bragging or hinting at how
much you earn.
Makes sense, right? Now ask yourself this: Why would a woman
want a guy who constantly feels the need to try impress her?
(Hint: She wouldn’t. She can sense the insecurity and it ain’t
attractive.)
Another subtle indicator of neediness is making a woman (or just the
pursuit of women in general) the centre of your life. It’s a surefire sign of
neediness and women find it highly unattractive. Women want men who do
not make women (or a woman) their main purpose.
Lesson : Don’t be needy. Don’t try to seek the approval of others,
don’t make a woman your main purpose, and never ever brag or seek to
impress a woman.
IS A MAN WITH A MISSION
(And not only “has” a mission, but actively and aggressively pursues
it.)
Imagine a young Steve Jobs building Apple. Or the rapper 50 Cent
aggressively pursuing his passion. Or Julius Caesar building an empire.
Do you think such men give two craps about having a bad
conversation or a girl rejecting them? Of course not!
Men with a higher purpose—a mission—don’t depend on women’s
approval. Women are not their #1 priority. They don’t make women their
life, women are just an accessory to their life.
And, ironically, this makes them all the more attractive. Moreover,
the lack of desperation comes through in your conversations and the way
you flirt with women, and women can sense it.
Lesson : Don’t make women the centre of your life. Aggressively
pursue a mission outside of your dating life.
ASSUME THE SALE
“I’m sexy and I know it.”
— Redfoo
In sales, you learn to “assume the sale” as it increases your odds of
closing a prospect. Funnily enough, it’s the exact same when it comes to
sealing the deal with women.
When you assume that all women are attracted to you , (until
proven otherwise, that is) you start acting like it. And, because of this, you
end up actually escalating the interaction faster, getting more physical,
flirting more, taking charge and leading women, tossing out sexual
innuendos, and overall putting yourself in a better position to succeed.
Lesson : Act as if all women are attracted to you. Interact with
women as if they “want you so bad.” Assume the sale and, more often than
not, you’ll seal the deal.
SUMMARY
1. Take charge.
2. Eliminate neediness.
3. Have a mission other than the pursuit of women.
4. Act as if all women are super attracted to you.
How to Use Conversation to
Establish a Deep Connection with Her
In the previous chapter, we briefly touched on the importance of
injecting emotion into your conversations with women. In this chapter,
we’ll touch on four key conversation topics that will allow you to connect
with her on a deeper, more emotional level.
Let’s get to it. Here are are some of the strongest emotional topics
you’ll want to go to when creating a deep emotional connection with a
woman you’re having a conversation with.
CONNECTING TOPIC #1:
EXPERIENCES
Our experiences are deeply tied to emotion. Whether childhood,
travel experiences, quitting a job and pursuing a risky new career path, or
anything else of the sort, our experiences are tied to emotions.
Here are some examples of ways you can get her to open up about
some of her experiences:
“What was it that made you want to move to this city?”
“What big adventures have you been on?”
“What’s the most exciting place you’ve travelled to?”
Talking to her about experiences she’s had often lead to amazing
stories and heaps of emotion. But, more importantly than that, diving into
the emotions behind her experiences opens up unique ways for you and her
to relate to each other .
Here are some examples of how you might dive more into the
emotion behind such experiences:
“How did it feel to do [X]?”
“What was it like when you did [X]?”
When it comes to relating to her experiences, you need not fear not
having done the exact same things as her. Once you dive deeper and get her
opening up about how she felt about certain experiences, you can relate to
her with different experiences that caused you to feel similar emotions.
So, for example, she might say that she quit her corporate job and
became a tourist guide on some tropical island. When you dive deeper,
she’ll probably reveal that she felt anxious and worried about whether or
not it’d all work out for the best—whether she’d regret it all as a “big
mistake” and wish she stuck with her corporate job. Now, you might have
never done anything similar, but you’ve probably been in a situation where
you’ve felt similar emotions. For example, you might have moved from
another country, started a business, or something or the sort. As such, you
can relate to her on an emotional level.
That said, don’t endlessly drone on about your own experiences.
Briefly relate it to an experience you’ve had in your own life (if applicable),
and then flip the spotlight back on her. This let’s her know that you “get
her” and that you’re actually listening and taking interest—and that, heck,
you guys are kind of similar in some ways. But at the same time, you avoid
being virtually silent the whole conversation and having her start doubting
that you’re even paying attention what she has to say or that you “get her.”
Moving on from the past (experiences), the next emotional topic is
based in the present…
CONNECTING TOPIC #2: PASSIONS
What are your passions? What do you love doing?
Scuba diving? Building businesses? Tinkering in the garage?
Travelling? Tackling innovative engineering projects at work?
Whatever it is, I want you to think about it for moment. Seriously.
Stop reading and just think of whatever it is you love to do—even if just for
a second.
Now that you’ve thought about that, how do you feel? How do you
feel when you think about whatever it is you love to do?
Probably pretty good, right?
Well, women are no different. When you get them talking about
whatever it is they love to do—their passions—they associate those positive
feelings with being around you.
Here are some examples of ways you can get her talking about her
passions:
“What do you really love doing?”
“What sort of activities get you really excited?”
“What are you super passionate about?”
And, again, you can of course dive into the emotions behind her
passions. Here are a couple of examples of how you might do that:
“What is it about [X] you love?”
“How do you feel when doing [X]?”
“Why are you passionate about [X]?”
Once you get her talking about her passions, you might find that you
can relate (and thus connect with her)—especially if you both love to do the
same sorts of things. (Note: Don’t pretend you love to do something if you
don’t, she’ll easily be able to tell you’re faking it and it’ll just come off as
super needy, unattractive, and very off-putting.)
Moving on from the past (experiences), to the present (passions), the
next emotional topic relates to the future…
CONNECTING TOPIC #3: ASPIRATIONS
Her goals. Her hopes. Her dreams.
What does she want to do in life?
People think about their dreams, but rarely get the chance to talk
about them because most people don’t think to ask. Getting her to open up
about her aspirations brings up a whole bunch of positive, hopeful emotions
—all of which she’ll subconsciously associate with you.
Here are some ways you can dive into this topic:
“What are your biggest goals?”
“What sort of things have you always wanted to do?”
“What are you aiming to achieve this year?”
Here are some ways you can dive into the feelings and emotions
associated with her hopes and dreams:
“How would you feel if you did that?”
“What would your life look like if you accomplished that/’
Moving on, we’ve talked about emotional conversation topics based
on past, present, and future. Now, let’s take a look at another emotional
topic that’s more internal…
CONNECTING TOPIC #4:
MOTIVATIONS
Why does she do what she does? What makes her want what she
wants? What motivates her? The vast majority of guys never ever dig this
deep…
Here are some questions you can ask to dive into this topic:
“What made you go for that?” (I.e. her college major or career.)
“Why do that?” (I.e. what made her do/choose something she did,
good question to ask if she’s telling you a story, etc.)
You can dive even deeper with questions such as:
“How do you feel now that you’re doing [X]?”
“What made you want to accomplish [X]?”
IT’S ALL A BALANCING ACT
Earlier on in this book, you learned the best techniques for becoming
an irresistible flirt. In this chapter, you’ve learned how to deeply connect
with women on an emotional level.
But… perhaps the most difficult part is neither the flirting nor the
connecting, but rather balancing the two.
If all you do is flirt, she may enjoy it in the moment, but she’ll
probably end up flaking on you or even just forgetting you altogether.
There’s no connection.
On the other hand, if all you do is have deep conversations and
connect emotionally, she’ll see you as a “just friends” guy, and you’ll end
up her friend, not lover.
Balance the two so you create both sexual tension and emotional
connection.
ESCALATE, ESCALATE, ESCALATE
On the interwebs lives a funny little group called “NoFap.” As the
name implies, these are men that abstain from pornography, masturbation,
and (self-administered) orgasm. (They refer to this as “PMO” for short.)
These so-called “fapstronauts” often claim that, for some reason, they
find themselves succeeding more with women.
I, for one, have a theory as to why that might be.
Imagine you haven’t orgasmed in days, weeks, or even months.
You’re gonna be a horny mofo, right?
And, when you’re interacting with attractive women, you’re going to
be a lot more aggressive. You’re not going to just sit around have a polite
conversation. You’re going to try (whether consciously or subconsciously)
to take that woman to bed as soon as possible. Their very horniess makes
them seduce women faster and more aggressively.
Now, why on earth and I telling you this bizarre story?
Here’s why: I don’t want you to make the mistake of failing to
escalate the interaction.
You can flirt with a woman endlessly and talk to her forever about a
gazillion emotionally-charged topics. But… if you don’t aggressively
escalate the interaction and get physical, it will all be for naught.
Lesson : Don’t just talk and flirt. Get physical or, at the very least,
get her number and set up a time to “grab a drink/coffee.” Be bold, be brief,
be gone. Don’t linger around indefinitely without escalating the interaction.
SUMMARY
If you want to connect with women on a deep, emotional level, you
can’t go wrong with these four conversation topics:
1. Experiences
2. Dreams
3. Passions
4. Motivations
At the same time, make sure to balance this with flirting so she
doesn’t categorize you as a “just friends” guy.
Also make sure to not make the mistake of lingering around
indefinitely without going for the close (i.e. getting her number or getting
physical).
One Trick That Makes You Sexier,
Builds Instant Familiarity, and Makes the
Conversation 10X More Exciting
Most guys fail to properly connect with girls they meet. They get
stuck asking her where she’s from and what she thinks of the weather,
failing to get past the small talk, delve deeper, and establish an emotional
connection.
Some guys do manage to get past the small talk, but then they get
stuck in boring “interview mode”, just asking question after question,
having more of an interview than an actual conversation. On top of that,
they often unknowingly structure their questions so that they get little more
than three or four word responses.
Needless to say, such conversations lead nowhere. The girl either gets
bored and excuses herself or categorizes the guy as a “just friends” guy—
neither of which you want.
On the other end of the spectrum, you have the guy who is a master
flirt and can get virtually any woman all hot and bothered… but never
manages to establish any form of emotional connection. As such, initial
interest often fades and women flake on him.
But fear not, my friend, for you’re about to learn how to become a
superstar conversationalist.
Anyhow, let’s starts with the very cornerstone of conversing with
women you’ve just met…
HOW TO NOT MAKE HER FALL
ASLEEP
Most guys (perhaps you included) ask questions like the following:
“What’s your job?”
“Where are you from?”
“What school did you go to?”
Zzzzzz… Aside from being so boring they’re more potent than
sleeping medication, there’s one other issue with these questions: They
require no more than one word to answer. “Accountant.” “Boston.”
“Hogwarts.”
On top of that, with enough drinks, she could mistake herself for
being in a job interview. So what’s the solution?
There are several remedies, so let’s start with the easiest…
HOW TO GET THE MOST BANG FOR
YOUR QUESTION
When you ask questions, dive a little deeper. Ask questions that
require not a one word response (or, worse yet, a mere “yes” or “no”), but a
longer, deeper response. Aim for a paragraph, not one word.
Not sure what I mean? Here’s an example:
Guy: Do you like your job?
Girl: Yeah, it’s cool.
At minimum you get one word (“yes”), at most you get three. Not
looking good. Here’s an example of how you might tweak it:
Guy: Why do you like your job?
Girl: Well, I really love… {blah blah blah]
See the difference?
It’s also worth noting that women are emotional creatures (as
opposed to us men who tend to be more logical). Consequently, you can
never go wrong delving into the emotions behind things.
Here’s an example of a lost opportunity to establish an emotional
connection with the woman:
Girl: I’m a doctor.
Guy: Oh wow. Long hours?
Here’s an example of a guy who seizes the opportunity and
establishes an emotional connection:
Girl: I’m a doctor.
Guy: Wow. What’s it feel like to save somebody’s life?
Yes, the latter example is a little clunky, but you get the idea.
Which question do you think is going to elicit a more emotionally-
charged response (to which the guy might be able to relate to an experience
in which he felt similarly), create greater emotional intimacy, and get her
associating the guy with powerful, positive emotions? I think the answer’s
pretty obvious.
Lesson : Ask open ended questions and, ideally, delve into her
emotions and motivations.
Moving on, let’s take a look at whether or not you should even be
asking questions in the first place (sounds stupid, but bear with me)…
WHY STATEMENTS ARE BETTER
THAN QUESTIONS
Imagine…
Imagine if you could “hack” your conversations with pretty girls so
that you sound dominant, confident and bold. Like an alpha male, if you
will.
And simultaneously have fun flirting and —at the same time—create
a deep emotional connection.
And build an instant sense of familiarity.
And (yes, there’s more still…) avoid the dreaded (not to mention
awkward and flat out boring) “interview mode.”
Seem impossible?
It’s not.
Behold: The awesome power of the statement.
Huh? Statements, you ask?
Yes. Despite seeming humble, the power of the almighty statement is
not to be underestimated. To put an end to your disbelief, here is an
example of a question:
Guy: Where are you from?
Seems pretty… alright. Right?
Here’s an example of how one might turn that question into a
statement:
Guy: You look like a west coast girl.
Feel the difference?
It sounds so much more confident and sexy. Furthermore, the
question gets a one word response (“New Jersey”). The second one is far
more exciting. Here’s a list of what happens you make a statement (as
opposed to a question)…
STATEMENT VS QUESTION
1. Fuels the conversation . If you guess wrong, she’ll almost
always demand to know why you guessed what you did. This
gives you more to talk about and fuels the conversation.
2. She’ll love hearing about herself . There’s only one thing
women love more than talking about themselves, and that’s
hearing others talk about her. Whether you guess right or
wrong, she’ll love hearing about what it is about her that made
you guess what you did.
3. If you guess right, she’ll think you’re a genius . Well, not
literally, but she’ll be almighty impressed by your
perceptiveness.
4. You seem very confident . When you speak in statements,
women naturally perceive you to be more dominant, confident
and bold—all very attractive qualities. You seem like more of
an alpha male.
5. Builds instant familiarity . When you’ve just met
someone, you ask each other a lot of questions. When you’ve
been friends (or family) with someone for years, you speak to
each other mostly in statements. Thus, by speaking to her in
statements, you trick her subconscious into feeling that you two
have known each other for longer and are more familiar than
you actually are.
6. Eliminates interview mode . Firstly, you’re not asking
questions (i.e. “interviewing” her) in the first place. Secondly,
when you guess things about her, that adds more fuel to the fire,
giving you non-interview-y stuff to talk about.
So when it comes to questions versus statements, there’s really no
contest. To give you a clearer picture, here are some more examples:
Question: What do you do?
Statement: You look like an artsy type, I bet you’re a [some sort of
creative job].
Question: Want to go grab something to eat?
Statement: You must be hungry, let’s go grab something to eat.
Question: Want to go for a walk?
Statement: Let’s go for a walk.
Feel the difference? The statements feel a lot more powerful and
dominant. Meanwhile, the questions sound almost needy by comparison, as
if you’re seeking permission or are unsure of yourself.
Lesson : Turn questions into statements. You sound significantly
more confident, dominant, and powerful. Statements can also add fuel to
the conversation in terms of excitement and having more things to talk
about.
FROM DULL QUESTIONS TO FLIRTY
STATEMENTS
You don’t need to stop there, though. So far, we’ve gone from dull
questions to statements, but if we add a little more spice, we can go from
dull questions, to statements, to flirty statements.
Here’s can example of a question, statement, and flirty statement:
Question: What do you do?
Statement: You look like an artsy type, I bet you’re a [some sort of
creative job].
Flirty Statement: Let me guess… you must be a [drug dealer/exotic
dancer/astronaut/etc.].”
Now, you don’t want to always make out-there guesses like “dancer”
or “drug dealer”, or it’ll get wearing and you’ll come off like a clown. But
you can inject a little extra “spice” into your statements every now and then
to create excitement and elicit a funny back and forth.
Lesson : Every now and again, you can weave a totally absurd
assumption into your statement to create some excitement. You could also
imply something sexual to amp up the flirting and create some sexual
tension.
Sexy Body Language
As you’re reading a book on conversing and flirting with women,
you probably want to better be able to attract women.
Perhaps women seem to lose interest in you as soon as you open your
mouth, perhaps you have no clue how to flirt, or perhaps you’re prone to
awkwardness.
Whatever the reason, none of that matters if you don’t have your
nonverbals down pat. You can be the greatest conversationalist on earth, the
world’s most skilled flirt, but if you have unattractive body language, you’ll
come off as creepy.
Moreover, studies show that body language has a direct effect on
your state of mind, meaning that you can “trick” yourself into feeling super
confident, making approaching attractive women a little easier for you.
Anyway, let’s take a look at how to have women thinking you’re a
sexy mofo before you even so much as open your mouth, as well as how to
use nonverbal communication to make your flirting all that more seductive.
So let’s dive right into it, shall we?
BODY LANGUAGE BASICS
“Fie, fie upon her!
There's language in her eye, her cheek, her lip,
Nay, her foot speaks; her wanton spirits look out
At every joint and motive of her body.”
— William Shakespeare
Imagine an attractive woman. Imagine her sitting with her legs
spread wide apart (“manspreading”, if you will). Imagine her also having
her hands clasped behind her head, elbows pointing outward. She also
speaks in a rough, deep, manly voice.
Not so attractive anymore, right?
Why is that?
Us guys are attracted to feminine women. The woman described
above is displaying very masculine body language, which we are hardwired
to find unsettling at best and highly unattractive at worst. Instead, us men
would find feminine body language to be more attractive.
Likewise, feminine women are attracted to masculine men. They
instinctively find masculine body language attractive and feminine body
language unattractive.
When you sit with leg crossed over knee (like a woman), speak in a
high-pitched voice, quickly dart your eyes downward instead of holding eye
contact, walk in quick little steps, and so on, women find that highly
unattractive. Men with feminine body language are to women what a big,
hairy, muscled, deep-voiced lady would be to us men. That is, sexually
repulsive.
So what does masculine body language look like?
James Bond and Marlon Brando.
Expansive. Takes up plenty of space. Great posture. Slow and
deliberate movement (as opposed to quick, jerky and uncontrolled). Deep
voice (which is done by fully relaxing and breathing/speaking from your
belly, not chest). Doesn’t smile excessively. Swaggers about like a badass.
And so on.
In my opinion, the easiest way to start embodying masculine body
language is to look up some clips of James Bond and/or Marlon Brando and
use these men as your body language role models.
Perhaps the best way to develop sexy, masculine body language is to
get a “body language role model” and emulate them. I’d suggest either
James Bond or Marlon Brando (or both!) as good ones to start with.
When flirting, you want to lean back and demonstrate that you’re
totally relaxed and at ease.
No fidgeting. No “pecking”—constantly leaning in (and back out
again) to hear what she’s saying, making yourself look like a bird pecking
at food. Instead, make sure your movements are calm and controlled.
By displaying strong, masculine body language, you come across as
(and feel more) confident, helping to make your flirting a lot more effective.
Lesson : Have open, expansive body language. The easiest way to
do this is to emulate James Bond’s body language. Feminine body language
will, at best, make you highly unattractive to women (and, at worst, make
you sexually repulsive)—so make sure that your body language is always
masculine. You want your body language to mimic that of James Bond, not
some flamboyant homosexual.
Conclusion
Here is a quick recap of all the main flirting tips, tricks and
techniques discussed in this book.
***
Flirting Lesson #1: Flirting is subtle. If you’re too obvious or
direct, it’s not flirting, it’s creepy. You must playfully imply attraction,
rather than outright say it. Create mystery, be vague, imply rather than state,
and most importantly, be playful.
Flirting Lesson #2: Know the difference between sexual flirting
and friendly banter. Flirting is not the same as the fun, friendly banter you
have with your guy friends. Flirting is far more sexual—not directly sexual
(as stated above), but indirect. If you banter with her in a friendly way,
you’ll more likely than not end up in the friend zone. So make sure to
playfully weave in sexual undertones.
Flirting Lesson #3: Agree and amplify. When women ‘shit test’
you, such as by making a snide comment, asking an uncomfortable
question, or poking and prodding for potential insecurities of yours, just
agree and amplify whatever she says. (For lots of examples, refer back to
the appropriate section in the book.)
Flirting Lesson #4: Act like you’re the prize. This is a really fun
and playful way of flirting. Simply reframe the conversation—or any of her
actions—as if she is the one chasing after (and trying to seduce) you. (For
lots of examples, refer back to the appropriate section in the book.)
Flirting Lesson #5: Push-pull, role-play, and nonverbal flirting.
Take her on an emotional rollercoaster by playfully pushing her away
(either emotionally, physically, or both) and then pulling her back in. Push,
pull, push, push, push, pull. Also playfully set up role-play situations where
you play the masculine role and her the feminine. Finally, don’t forget the
importance of nonverbals when it comes to flirting.
Flirting Lesson #6: Have a masculine mindset. This is perhaps one
of the most important aspects of flirting, because from your mindset comes
all else. Specifically, though, take charge of situations (no, “What do you
want to do?” nonsense), cultivate a “gives zero fucks” attitude, and find
(and aggressively pursue) a mission that has nothing to do with women.
These might seem to have nothing to do with flirting, but trust me, women
pick up on guys with a strong, masculine mindset and they find it
irresistible .
Flirting Lesson #7: Balance flirting with establishing an
emotional connection. While you don’t want to be the guy who gets
friendzoned because he only talked about platonic topics, you also don’t
want to make the mistake of only flirting without establishing any real
connection. Build this connection by talking about such topics as her
experiences, passions, aspirations, and motivations. Just make sure to
balance it with plenty of playful, sexual flirting.
Flirting Lesson #8: Always be escalating. Don’t just be 100 percent
platonic and then think you can go for the kiss at the end of the night. It
doesn’t work that way. You need to ‘slowly boil’ her, like a frog in a pot of
water. Build up gradually by continuously escalating, both physically and
verbally.
Flirting Lesson #9: Don’t ask questions, make statements.
Statements make you sound 10X more confident and dominant, both of
which are super sexy traits to women. Statements also build an instant sense
of familiarity, as if you’ve known each other longer than you really have.
Finally, statements often force you to make guesses about her, which you
can either turn into jokes by exaggerating or add fire to the conversation by
having her ask you what it was about her that made you guess what you did
and/or impressing her with your perceptiveness. All around, statements are
far sexier than questions. So don’t ask questions, make statements.
Flirting Lesson #10: Cultivate sexy body language. Do this by
cultivating masculine body language— dominant , confident body
language. Make sure to always have body language that is open and
expansive. Don’t be afraid to sit/stand tall and take up lots of space.
Manspread as much as you like, lean back confidently, rest an arm on the
back of the chair next to you, and so on. Have strong, masculine body
language, not weak and effeminate body language.
***
Whenever you find yourself in need of a quick refresher on the basics
of flirting, quickly review the techniques in these summary points and get
on your way.
Now all you need to do is put this book down and get going!
Good luck!