The power of positive words.

www.erictheshow.org

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me". Ever heard
that before? To be honest, I think I'd prefer to have my bones broken with stic
ks and stones than be hurt by destructive words.
Words are powerful, very powerful. Think about the last time somebody said somet
hing nice about you to your face? Maybe it was a complement about the way you lo
ok, an encouragement for a job well done, or somebody telling you that you were
funny, smart or cute. These are called words of affirmation, and for a lot of us
, these words are what gets us through the day, week or year.
Now think about the last time you paid a complement to someone else? Was it yest
erday? Today? Last year? Your words of affirmation to someone else, makes more o
f a difference than you may ever imagine. They might not show it straight away,
but your positive words builds up their self esteem, their confidence and gives
them the strength to keep going. This could mean so much to someone, especially
someone feeling pretty down.
Now, here's a survey to test how good you are at passing on positive words to ot
hers. Work out your score
and then consider the advice offered:
Choose out of the options a) b) c) or d) for each question, then work out your s
core at the end.
Qn 1: The last time you told someone they looked nice was:
today
sometime in the last week
sometime in the last month
can't remember
Qn 2: The last time you told someone they were doing a good job was:
today
sometime in the last week
sometime in the last month
can't remember
Qn 3: How many times have you 'put down' your closest friend in the last month:
never
once or twice
three to five times
five to 10 times or more
Qn 4: In your entire life, how many times have you gone out of your way to pay a
complement to someone:
so many times I couldn't count
at least once a month
a few times a year
hardly ever
Qn 5: Do you think it's important to make sure someone doesn't misunderstand som
ething you've said about them
absolutely, I will always explain myself if I am misunderstood
yes, but I won't go out of my way to explain myself
sometimes, but I'm sure they'll get over it or work it out for themselves
no, it's their problem if they misunderstand
Qn 6: If you backstabbed someone, and they found out, would you
find them, apologise and ask for forgiveness
feel bad and apologise if you saw them in the next few days
feel bad but just leave it because it's good that they've found out the truth
do nothing, it's their problem not yours
Qn 7: If your best friend bought a new outfit for the end of year social and spe
nt HEAPS of money on it and you thought it was really ugly, would you
Ask them if they kept the receipt, if they had, tell them what you thought (gent
ly) and offer to go shopping with them ASAP
Tell them it looked great (a white lie)
Tell them it looked OK
Tell them it looked awful and they were stupid for spending that much money
Qn 8: Your brother or sister is about to present a speech in front of 30,000 peo
ple, would you
go along for moral support and take them out for coffee afterwards to let them d
ebrief, and make a point to compliment them on all the good stuff that happened.

tell them they'll be great, and that everyone will love what they have to say
pat them on the back, and say "break a leg"
do nothing, it's their life
End of survey
Now, find out your score by adding up each of the points from the guide below:

Ad up your score, and find out how good you are at passing on words of affirmati
on to others:
Score
What that means.
35-40
You are somebody who puts others before yourself. You are genuinely concerned f
or other people's self esteem and well being. You don't like seeing people hurt
or upset for any reason, and will do what you can to fix it if they are. You und
erstand the power of positive words, and will make sure you affirm as many peopl
e as you can, especially if you think they need affirmation. Keep up the good wo
rk, because it's people like you who make this world a wonderful place.
30-34
You are somebody who is concerned for the welfare of others. You don't like see
ing people who are hurt or upset, and will try to help them out. You like to be
affirmed yourself, so you will try to affirm others in return or when you feel t
hey need it. You can tell when people need affirmation, which is an excellent gi
ft to have. Keep it up, and make sure you keep affirming others. You could even
start affirming others more often, and try to pay complements more to people who
don't necessarily affirm you first.
25-29
You understand the power of positive words, but you don't seem to put it into a
ction as much as you possibly could. Try to affirm others more often, build them
up, and you will see how much better you will feel as a result. It's not that y
ou're completely hopeless at it, in fact you pay your fair share of complements,
but try doing it more often, then you'll see how it will make a difference to y
our life and to their life.
16-24
Affirming other people is not just about building yourself up. You are somebody
who would probably only complement somebody else in order to get a complement i
n return. Try to change this mindset. Start affirming or complementing people mo
re often. Every time you see someone whom you think has done a good job at somet
hing, anything, then tell them. All it really takes is a pat on the back and say
ing "good job" or "well done". It's not that hard. It might just make their day.
0-15
You've got some self improving to do. Think less about yourself and more about
others. Don't hold back when you see someone doing a good job, tell them! But mo
re importantly, DO hold back when you feel the temptation to put others down, ev
en if it's behind their
back. Bitching or backstabbing is destructive, not only towards the person you a
re talking about but also towards yourself. You will start building yourself up
on the basis of putting others down, and your self-esteem will end up being base
d on very shaky ground, a ground that could cave in on you at any second and lea
ve you alone, insecure and with no friends. You ve got a lot of work to do, so get
to it!

In the universe, there are two great forces at work. We know them as good and ev
il or positive and negative. They are two powerful forces in their own right. In
similar fashion, there are positive words and negative words, each causing oppo
site reactions when used by humans. We all know how positive words can make us f
eel good and inspire us, and how negative words can bring us down and led us to
pain, anger or sadness. We have seen how positive words bring people together, b
uild nations and how negative words destroy friendships, start wars, etc. Positi
ve words and negative words work the opposites and they affect how the law of at
traction manifests our thoughts.
How do we lift up a disheartened person? Definitely with positive words. We don'
t use negative words to lift someone's spirit up. Our mind works in the same man
ner. Positive words are food for the mind and they work magic. They send out str
ong vibrations to make our wishes a reality. Great self-development gurus use po
sitive words to inspire and motivate people to reach their goals. When we use ne
gative words like "can't", "impossible", "maybe", "if", "whatever", the mind wil
l register a negative tone and the vibrations that we get is minimal, if any. Wh
en we use positive words like "for the good of all", "I can", "I will", "thank y
ou", and "I love you" in our daily life, we become creative and magnetic. Our mi
nd vibrates and sends out positive waves to the universe. When we greet someone
with "Good morning", the feeling resonates and affects the other person. Such is
the power of positive words. Negative words are like poison. They will wear us
down. Negative word is a rejection. Just like in ordinary lives they can break a
relationship and they can also do the same with our mind, cutting off our recei
ving power and negate us. To work the law of attraction, we have to get rid of n
egativity and start to think and speak differently.

To explain in an analogy, negative words are like cholesterol in the blood strea
m. They hang on to the artery walls and slow down the flow of blood. In the end,
we develop health problems like hypertension, which will lead to other complica
tions. We have to get rid of this cholesterol in order to survive and lead a hea
lthy and meaningful life. But unlike bad cholesterol, negative words are easy to
get rid of. Just don't use them! Keeping negative words in our vocabulary is to
xin for the mind, for when we start to send our thoughts to the universe, our vi
brations get hindered by the presence of these negative words, and as a result w
e get very weak vibrations. People who use the law of attraction but refuse to g
et rid of the negativity in their thoughts end up with frustration and blame tha
t the law doesn't work for them. We can't make the law work unless we get rid of
that stockpile of negativity from our vocabulary. That is the reason why when w
e are angry, the sooner the anger is released, the lighter we feel in our heads
with a great sense of satisfaction. That is our subconscious telling us we have
disposed off what is just excess baggage in our heads. We have to regurgitate al
l those negative words out of our system. From today onwards, let us only use be
autiful and positive words. The English language has plenty of them.

Get rid of the feelings of hatred, jealousy, bad vibes that we have of others. T
hey are not necessary and they just wear us down. They are just clutter in the b
rain and block our access to work the law of attraction. With positive words and
positive thoughts, the vibrations that we send with our thoughts will get quali
ty manifestations and quality results.
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The Power of Positive Thinking
by Remez Sasson
Positive thinking is a mental attitude that admits into the mind thoughts, words
and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success. It is a mental
attitude that expects good and favorable results. A positive mind anticipates h
appiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Wh
atever the mind expects, it finds.
Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject
as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among t
he people who accept it, not many know how to use it effectively to get results.
Yet, it seems that many are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by
the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gainin
g popularity.
It is quite common to hear people say: "Think positive!", to someone who feels d
own and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not k
now what they really mean, or do not consider them as useful and effective. How
many people do you know, who stop to think what the power of positive thinking m
eans?
The following story illustrates how this power works:
Allan applied for a new job, but as his self-esteem was low, and he considered h
imself as a failure and unworthy of success, he was sure that he was not going t
o get the job. He had a negative attitude towards himself, and believed that the
other applicants were better and more qualified than him. Allan manifested this
attitude, due to his negative past experiences with job interviews.
His mind was filled with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job for the
whole week before the job interview. He was sure he would be rejected. On the da
y of the interview he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shir
t he had planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was
already too late, he went out wearing a shirt full of wrinkles.
During the interview he was tense, displayed a negative attitude, worried about
his shirt, and felt hungry because he did not have enough time to eat breakfast.
All this distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the inte
rview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently he materiali
zed his fear and did not get the job.
Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way.
He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the inte
rview he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.
In the evening before the interview he prepared the clothes he was going to wear
, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview he woke up earlier
than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the inte
rview before the scheduled time.
He got the job because he made a good impression. He had also of course, the pro
per qualifications for the job, but so had Allan.
What do we learn from these two stories? Is there any magic employed here? No, i
t is all natural. When the attitude is positive we entertain pleasant feelings a
nd constructive images, and see in our mind's eye what we really want to happen.
This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy and happiness. The whole being
broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even the health is affected in a be
neficial way. We walk tall and the voice is more powerful. Our body language sho
ws the way you feel inside.

Positive and negative thinking are both contagious.

All of us affect, in one way or another, the people we meet. This happens instin
ctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference,
and through body language. People sense our aura and are affected by our though
ts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people a
nd avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us if we are positive,
and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.
Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and ac
tions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cau
se more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and
disappointment.

Practical Instructions
In order to turn the mind toward the positive, inner work and training are requi
red. Attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.
Read about this subject, think about its benefits and persuade yourself to try i
t. The power of thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping our life. This
shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process
a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange give it a try, as you have nothi
ng to lose, but only to gain. Ignore what others might say or think about you, i
f they discover that you are changing the way you think.
Always visualize only favorable and beneficial situations. Use positive words in
your inner dialogues or when talking with others. Smile a little more, as this
helps to think positively. Disregard any feelings of laziness or a desire to qui
t. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks.
Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it and endeavo
r to replace it with a constructive one. The negative thought will try again to
enter your mind, and then you have to replace it again with a positive one. It i
s as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you choose to look at one of
them and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to th
ink positively and ignore negative thoughts.
In case you feel any inner resistance when replacing negative thoughts with posi
tive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and hap
py thoughts in your mind.
It does not matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think posi
tively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will cha
nge accordingly. It may take some time for the changes to take place, but eventu
ally they do.
Another method to employ is the repetition of affirmations. It is a method which
resembles creative visualization, and which can be used in conjunction with it.
It is the subject of another article on this website.
The other articles at this website, about the power of concentration, will power
, self-discipline and peace of mind also contribute to the development of a posi
tive mind, and are recommended for reading and practicing.

Q & A on angry words0

In the previous post, I have shared some limited beliefs that make angry words e
asily burst out from your mouse. I know many of you will agree with what I said
in that post, but there are still some questions to be answered:
1. Will I be looked down upon if I keep back those angry words?
Remember that the true power comes from your within. Your cool head, peaceful mi
nd and tolerant attitude are the greatest and strongest powers in others s eyes.
If you can be easily annoyed, you are not among the brave and the wise. In their
eyes, a man who is easy to become angry is also easy to be defeated or even loo
ked down upon.
Keep peaceful, open minded and always have a light smile on your face, then you
will be respected and admired by others. They will be amazed why you can get so
calm to deal with anything, whether it is little or big troublesome thing.
2. Why can he/she speak out the angry words but I can t?
The answer is you want to be a real wise and strong man/woman.
You can act just as he or she does, but if you would do it, you will lose your p
ower and freedom to seek for your own greatness, wisdom and inner power. You let
your partner guide your words, emotions and even actions. In one word, in that
moment, you let others create your own reality.
You keep silent just because you want to grow up in the physical world, in fact,
in your heart, you also want to get improved in your inner world. When you calm
down, you will feel fortunate and pride that you take the right action and step
closer to a more perfect you.
3. It is his/her wrong, why can t I let the angry words out?
In fact, I don t think it is easy to really keep back angry words if you don t know
the law of attraction. Here, I suppose that you are familiar with the law of att
raction or at least know of it. if not, please refer to some books, such as ask a
nd it is given and the secret . If you want to get peaceful and really great and str
ong, you can t miss them.
It is only you who attract everything into your life, including the bad situatio
ns you don t want to experience. your negative thoughts, ideas, actions and words
create your now experience.
So It is only you too who can change the present situation. yes, you can let eve
rything be, just by default, but what you will get? perhaps better or perhaps wo
rse. But if you decide to take your responsibility deliberately, you will change
your experience.
And so you should keep back and clear anger from your heart and body for they ca
n only attract the same things. Your partner is just the imagination in your own
reality. You are a watcher in your own world( if you want to find scientific ev
idences or explanations, watch the movie what the bleep do we know ).
4. If I keep silent, will he/she change to keep silent too?
The correct answer is uncertain. but don t feel disappointed. compared with the si
tuation that the angry words were let out, the current will be better and you wi
ll experience shorter unhappy period too.
But I don t mean that you can change your partner too. In fact, you can t change him
/her at any time directly. There exists no any magic power that can control him/
her to let him/her change. But although they will not change, but in your eyes,
they are changing.
This is just the magic and great power that the law of attraction has. You can t c
hange him/her, but you can attract his/her goodness into your physical world(wha
t you are seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and feeling) if you are sending ou
t vibrations that represent good feelings.
So the true result, in your eyes, you will find he/she is changed to keep silent
more than before. but perhaps in others eyes, they keep the same as before.
5. Can I only speak out just one angry word?
No, the best is to keep any angry word back. Angry word has big negative vibrati
on, which is once sent out, will attract more. that is to say, one angry word wi
ll attract more negative vibrations from your partners, no matter they are in ac
tions or in words or just thoughts.
6. What shall I do if I am still very angry although I keep silent?
first, keep silent, then try to meditate for 10~15 minutes. After these activiti
es, ask yourself: what do I really want from my partner?
with this question, begin your smile meditation or mental appreciation.
Don t think this process will take you too much time. it is only 30 minutes. But w
hat you will get? Stepping closer to your inner self and getting greater, wiser
and stronger.
Posted by admin on Monday, July 19, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Filed under Normal · Tagged with
Speak Your Mind
Angry Words Nothing seems to get us in more trouble than the improper use of ou
r tongues, and when the tongue resorts to angry words we often see problems that
can have long lasting hurtful consequences. One of the many amazing things abou
t Jesus was that he had absolute control over what He said to others. Even when
Jesus did use language because of anger, it was done with righteous justificatio
n and was motivated by His love for God and mankind (see John 2:13-21; Matt. 23)
. We often say things in anger without realizing the long-term consequences our
words can have. Many marriages, friendships, and congregations have been splinte
red and divided over a few harshly spoken angry words. H.R. Palmer summed it up
well in his hymn "Angry Words." He wrote, "Love is much too pure and holy, frien
dship is too sacred fair, for a moments reckless folly thus to desolate and mar.
Angry words are lightly spoken, bitterest thoughts are rashly stirred, and brig
htest links of life are broken by a single angry word" (Church Gospel Songs & Hy
mns, 1983, Pg. 11). James had a great deal to say about the dangers of the tongu
e in chapter three of his book. He wrote, "And the tongue is a fire, a world of
iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body,
and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell" (Jam. 3:6
). The Bible repeatedly teaches us about the danger of losing control of our ton
gue, and details the many ways it can be used to hurt others and endanger our ow
n souls. One of those many ways includes speaking angry words. Let's consider a
few of the consequences of using them.
1. Angry words are often spoken out of vengeance towards someone who has hurt us
. We often feel the urge to defend ourselves from persecution or verbal attack w
ith angry words of our own. This may feel like the natural thing to do, but it i
s not what the Bible would have us to do. Jesus stated, "Blessed are you when th
ey revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for M
y sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for
so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." (Matt. 5:11,12). We must
remember that Christians are not in the revenge business. God will take care of
that. The apostle Paul wrote, "Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather giv
e place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the
Lord" (Rom. 12:19). Our verbal restraint can be used to impress on someone the
power and love of God.
2. Angry words can leave a lasting impression on those who know we are Christian
s. Christians are supposed to be the "salt of the earth" and a "light of the wor
ld" (Matt. 5:13,14). We are supposed to be these things so people will glorify G
od when they see our good works (Matt. 5:16). The use of angry words will hinder
us from being the example to the world that we should be. One of our greatest e
vangelistic tools is the way we live our life each day. People are watching to s
ee how we live and speak as children of God.
3. Angry words will hinder the loving relationships we should all strive to have
. Marriages, friendships, working relationships, and the love we have amongst br
ethren can all suffer from words spoken out of anger. Some of these relationship
s may never recover. We have all seen this happen before. Angry words are hard t
o take back. We must all learn to exercise self-control, so we can stop the prob
lem before it ever leaves our mouths. Remember, we show our love for God by the
love that we have for one another (1 John 5:2,3). When we speak angry words to a
nother Christian, we are speaking angry words to God. -Ed

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WHY does the law of attraction not work for me? read more...
why do we speak out angry words: some limited beliefs
February 24th, 2009 | Posted in laws of attraction, relationships Angry words, i
n itself, mean that the words when you are angry. You can t expect the words can m
ake positive meanings or express your true ideas in almost all the cases.
Angry words, once spoken out, will have bigger vibration result than you can ima
gine. What you get is only the more things that make you feel more angry.
But, why we will tend to say angry words?
1. saying angry words make you feel comfortable at once.
when we are angry, we will feel nervous and depressive. we just want to let the
anger go away from our body, so we speak out the angry words, then we get comfor
table at once.
Yes, the fact is we really can be comfortable at once, but next fact is we will
receive more anger in the next minutes. Do you agree with me?
When you calm down, and you will feel the angry words are not worthwhile at all.
So from now on, say to yourself, the angry words can t bring real happy to you. Ke
ep it or release it when you are alone.
2. saying angry words to tell others that you can t be bullied
Once you feel you are bullied, you perhaps will speak out the angry words too. Y
our true means are telling others that you are strong and big, but what the true
result comes to you? In short time, you are a winner, but from a long view, you
are attracting more of the similar situations.
The true power comes from within. Just think over that if you can be made angry
by simple words or actions, then are you really strong?
3. saying angry words to attack others
This is one of the worst situations. we will get stronger and more direct simil
ar responses at once. some responses are in the action level, some are words lev
el and some are subconsciousness level.
The above 3 situations are also 3 limited beliefs on angry words. they make us l
eave the real and long-term happiness.
Learn to improve yourself and make yourself peaceful, and then you will get stro
nger in mind and everyday life.
We can t escape the law of attraction whether we are intend to or not. what we can
do is to understand it and use it. Now get calm down and recall the latest situ
ations when you say angry words, what did the results you get?
Technorati Tags: angry words, get peaceful, law of attraction, good relationship
s
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"ANGRY WORDS! O LET THEM NEVER"

INTRODUCTION
1. Many of the songs we sing are designed to teach and admonish - cf. Co
3:16
2. One such song is "Angry Words! O Let Them Never"...
a. Words written by D. K. P.
b. Melody arranged by H.R. Palmer, Will W. Slater
-- In "Hymns For Worship", it is song #394, entitled "Love One
Another"
3. A favorite of many, it is a song...
a. With valuable advice in our dealings with one another as members
of God's family
b. Warning against disrupting friendship and love through
unthoughtful use of the tongue
[In both verse one and three, the focus is on...]
I. THE NEED TO BRIDLE THE TONGUE
A. THE TONGUE IS POWERFUL...
1. It is difficult to control
a. It has the power to control the whole body - Jm 3:2-5
b. For it reflects the true expression of the inward man - cf.
Mt 12:34-35
2. It has power to do good and evil
a. To turn away wrath, or stir up anger - Pr 15:1
b. To use knowledge wisely, or pour forth foolishness - Pro
15:2
c. To be a tree of life, or a breaker of spirits - Pr 15:4
-- "Angry words! O let them never from the tongue unbridled slip;
May the heart's best impulse ever check them ere they soil the
lip."
B. THE ADVANTAGES OF RESTRAINT...
1. Avoids sin - Pr 10:19
2. Keeps one out of trouble - Pr 21:23
3. Makes one to appear wise - Pr 17:27-28
4. Uncontrolled tongues can destroy friendships
a. Poorly chosen words, unthoughtful and rashly spoken words
b. Can make even the closest friends become enemies - e.g., Psa 55:12-1
4
-- "Angry words are lightly spoken, bitterest thoughts are rashly
stirred, brightest links of life are broken, by a single angry
word."
C. HOW THEN SHALL WE USE THE TONGUE...?
1. If for good, our words can be:
a. Sweet to the soul - Pr 16:24
b. A thing of beauty, like apples of gold in settings of silver
- Pr 25:11
2. But if for evil, then beware:
a. We will be judged by our words - Mt 12:36-37
b. We will defile our bodies (and our friendships!) - Jm 3:6
[To encourage the proper use of the tongue, the song in verse two and
the chorus reminds us of...]
II. THE IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE
A. THE BLESSINGS OF FRIENDSHIP...
1. Some of the most beautiful passages in the Bible were
expressions between friends
a. Ruth's love for her mother-in-law, Naomi - Ru 1:16-17
b. Jonathan's devotion to his friend, David - 1Sa 18:1
c. Jesus' love for His disciple, John - Jn 19:25-27
d. Paul's love for his coworker, Timothy - 2Ti 1:1-4
2. Good friends provide wonderful benefits
a. A true friend is "a man for all seasons" - Pr 17:17
b. A true friend can be closer than blood relatives - Pr 18:24
c. The rebuke of a true friend is of more value than the praise
of an enemy - Pr 27:6
d. The advice of a true friend can be precious - Pr 27:9
e. Seek to hang on to good friends - Pr 27:10a
-- "Love is much too pure and holy, friendship is too sacred far,
for a moment's reckless folly thus to desolate and mar."
B. THE NEED TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER...
 1. Our Savior teaches us to do so
a. A new commandment, to love as He loved us - Jn 13:34-35
b. Stressed again and again - Jn 15:12,17
2. It is a "blest" command
a. Love will avoid offending another with loose words - 1Co 13:4-5a
1) Love suffers long (patient)
2) Love is kind
3) Love does not envy (not jealous of others' good fortune)
4) Love does not parade itself (does not brag about itself)
5) Love is not puffed up (not arrogant)
6) Love does not behave rudely (not inconsiderate of others'
feelings)
b. Love will not allow loose words offend it - 1Co 13:5b-8a
1) Love does not seek its own (not defensive)
2) Love is not provoked (not sensitive)
3) Love thinks no evil (assumes the best intention)
4) Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but in truth
(concerned more about truth than winning)
5) Love bears all things (puts up with snide remarks,
slights)
6) Love believes all things (gives others the benefit of the
doubt)
7) Love hopes all things (looks for the best in others)
8) Love endures all things (including hurt feelings by
unkind or unthoughtful words)
9) Love never fails (to show patience, compassion,
forgiveness)
-- "'Love one another', thus says the Savior; Children, obey His
blest command."
CONCLUSION
1. Friendship is too holy to let loose words in reckless moments destroy
it...
a. Especially between brethren in Christ
b. Whose love is to be a mark of true discipleship - Jn 13:35
2. True love values friendship so highly, that it will resolve...
a. To say nothing that unnecessarily endangers our friendship
b. To let nothing that is said, no matter how hurtful, to destroy our
friendship
May this song, "Angry Words! O Let Them Never" serve to remind us of the
blessing and duty we have regarding our love and friendship as disciples
of Christ!
Have you become a disciple of Jesus Christ...? - cf. Mt 28:19-20
The mouth is a dangerous weapon, which can work for or against you, depending on
how it is used. Your mouth is not meant for eating alone it is also an instrume
nt for charting the course of your life. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:20-21, A m
an is filled with what comes from his mouth and is nourished by what his lips pr
ovide. The tongue has power over life and death, those who like speaking will ea
t its fruit But how many people understand this principle? How true are the words
? The whole world was created by the spoken words of God and not his thoughts or
quietness. That should give us Christians an insight into how things work here
on earth from the spiritual realm. We should understand that we live first in th
e spiritual before we transmit to the physical. Therefore, if you have not won i
n the spiritual, you can t win in the physical realm of life.
Declaring the Right Words

Do you know that some situations in your life and in the lives of others around
you are waiting a word from you before they will change? Until that word comes,
things will remain the same. But as soon as you release the word, heaven s power w
ill be released and the desired changes will be obtained. Unfortunately, many ar
e still withholding the words that could bring about their desired changes. God
gave you a mouth to deliver your self. Are you using your tongue to your maximum
benefit? If you are facing an unfavourable situation, you have to respond to th
at situation with the right words. When Jesus awoke on a boat in a stormy sea, H
e spoke to the wind and waves Mark 4:39 and they heard Him. When He was confront
ed with deaf ears, He spoke to the deaf ears Mark 7:34 and the ears weren t deaf t
o the word of God----.The Bible says we are made in the image and likeness of Go
d. If Jesus could do all those things, it means we can also do them because he h
as given us authority over every thing on earth.

Other useful links

Relief from Stress;How?
Stress is a great threat to our health and well-being. Some symptoms of chronic
stress include backaches, headaches, muscle spasms of the neck and muscle tensio
n. To avoid these health problems, there is need...
Shake off Procrastination
Delayed action or reaction,to put off doing something, especially out of habitua
l carelessness or laziness,to postpone or delay needlessly.Successful people are
quickly decisive upfront and very slow to...
Overcoming Excuses.
Excuses are explanations, vindications, theories, hypothesis or alibis put forwa
rd so as to cover up failure and not look bad .if you settle for excuses and it
becomes a habit, you develop the failure...
Fear is the Enemy of Progress.
Fear is the feeling of inadequacy or inability to handle a situation.It is often
based on the fact that we have not emotionally confronted the feelings internal
ly or we lack experience in dealing with the...
Words like I know who I am ; I m rich ; I can never be poor ; I don t get sick ; I can
efeated etc, are often regarded as proud words by some people who have not yet un
derstood the power of words and the authority they have in Christ Jesus. Learn t
o talk right always, for the right words produce tremendous results.Romans10:10
says By believing from the heart, you obtain true righteousness; by confessing th
e faith with your lips you are saved . After you have believed in your heart, it i
s necessary to engage your mouth to confess your salvation or else you will forf
eit it. The leper in mark 1:40-45 only needed the lord to make one pronunciation
.All Jesus needed to say was I will, be clean if he had refrained from saying it,
the man would have died a leper. In Mathew 8:5-13 the centurion wanted Jesus to
say just a word for his servant to receive his healing.
The question now is which words are you suppose to release? You cannot release w
ords of power if you don t have them in you. Colossians 3:16 says Let the word of G
od dwell in you in all its richness. Study Gods word and commit it to your heart.
Man alone cannot tame the tongue.Through Gods word and the Holy Spirit,we can p
ut pressure on our tongue to tame it.Do not use your mouth to say unauthorised,
unholy or negative things about your self or others .confess daily, obey Gods wo
rd, preach it and when you speak afterward, your words would be empowered by the
spirit to produce changes wherever they are sent. Address situations that need
a change by your words. Use your tongue to confess your way into your desired br
eakthrough. Talk to your body, your home, business, health etc; declare that you
 are what God says you are. Practice talking sessions everyday and watch your li
fe go forward and upward. At times, the situation may pretend as if it s not chang
ing but it has heard you and it will conform to the word of God.
PRAYER
Dear Father in Heaven, I thank you for putting the power to change things in my
mouth. I declare that iam making progress and moving forward in the Name of Jesu
s. Am full of divine health, prosperity and joy. Thank you Lord Jesus. Amen
The Power of Words83
rate or flag this pageTweet thisBy amy jane

Words set in stone.

Written or spoken, words are continuously propelling us through life. They lift
us up, drag us down, wound us deeply or heal our hearts. Words have the power to
break confidences, build life long alliances or start wars.

Words can make or break us, both as individuals and as a society. What have you
been saying lately?
The words you speak can have a profound effect on the people they reach. Are you
encouraging or discouraging? Are you building up your children, your spouse, yo
ur friend or even the stranger you pass on the street? Or are you tearing down y
our own family with words of criticism, bitterness and judgment? Are you causing
the destruction of your self-esteem by speaking ill suited words over yourself,
your health and prosperity?

Words have set whole nations in motion Give me the right word and the right accent
and I will move the world.Joseph Conrad

God, Horses and the Human Tongue

In the Bible, James compares the human tongue to a horse. We have mastered contr
olling this tremendous, spirited animal with a small piece of metal, yet we are
far from controlling the words that fall from our lips.
If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to harness th
e whole body...Indeed we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and w
e turn (or control) their whole body. James 3:2-3
Why then, do we find it so difficult to refrain from saying words we know will o
nly harm? Controlling what we say, though, how hard do we really try? Is it simp
ly a form of self discipline that we are lacking? We seek to control every singl
e aspect of our lives. Self-control? Nah, what fun is that?
Surely it is easier to harness the power of a wild horse than to reign in your t
ongue. It does seem to take on a life of its own bursting out of control at time
s when emotions are elevated. Whether we are quickly placing our foot in our mou
th or cutting down another driver in rush hour traffic, it is a problem most of
us (unless you live in isolation) combat daily.
 The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time
, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Dorothy Nevill

Maya Angelou on the Power of WordsI Was Only Joking!

Can t you take a joke? Well now, that all depends. If we follow up a rude or insul
ting comment with the phrase I was only joking does it not count to the person we
said it to? Does the sting of the words vanish, having no lasting effect? Are we
therefore innocent, somehow not responsible for the rubbish spewing forth from
our mouths? We may have the right to free speech, but speech is not entirely fre
e. There are always consequences for what we say, whether or not we realize our
impact.

This hub is part of a game called Hub Tennis, a Gamergirl production. Join the g
ame, read the hubs, and learn something new!

Aragorn's Speech at the Black Gate from The Lord of the RingsAs a parent, I am a
lways aware of how my words will shape my children s lives in various ways. If the
y hear me being critical and judgmental of someone, they will learn to criticize
and judge. If I apologize when I am wrong, they will learn to apologize with si
ncerity. If I speak to the without courtesy and respect, they will do the same t
o each other and the world at large. I know this because I have seen it. If I ye
ll at them (as opposed to handling a crisis calmly), within five minutes they wi
ll be hammering each other with the same lovely words they heard from mommy.

I don t recall having a problem restraining myself before having children. As a mo

m of three, I hear myself saying all of the things I swore I would never say. I
tell them lies (Santa, the tooth fairy, winning doesn t matter) and sometimes I he
ar the most absurd, words coming from my mouth, such as get your finger out of yo
ur sisters ear right now or dog food isn t for children.

Choose With Care

Now, I understand that not everyone has the same constant challenge with this th
at I have. Being with my children 24/7 allows me little time to think or breath
before I speak. I recognize that my tongue needs to be trained to handle the ups
and downs of daily mothering with integrity.

But it is not. Not really. These are the words that I depend on daily.

"God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times
, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Cor. 9:8 (NIV
)
And the following words are those that inspire me. They represent the qualities
I strive to achieve as a mother with my words and my actions.

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it is not self-seeking, it is no

t easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, i
t rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always p
erseveres. Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:4

Words can inspire us to greatness; they enable us to share our deepest feelings
with one another. Words can change us as individuals. When used with care, they
can change the world around us.

Choose to use your words to encourage and uplift. Choose them with wisdom and lo
ve.

More on Words
How To Snool a Snivelard, Snollygoster or Snoutband
Snooling is not so hard. Anyone can to do it with a bit of practice, but I don t r
ecommend it. To snool someone, nag them constantly, driving them into a deep dep
ression. This skill would be fun to try...
The power of the spoken word is a concept shared by many cultures and its roots
go deep into pre-literate history. The most widely cited written reference in we
stern civilization comes from the Bible.
The Gospel According to Saint John, Chapter One starts:
'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.
The same was in the beginning with God.
All things were made by him; and without him was not anything made that was made
.'
The power of the spoken word, if Saint John's words are interpreted literally, i
s sufficient to create an entire world.
In direct contrast is this old rhyme:
'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names (words) will never hurt me.'
If we accept this idea words are powerless. Now we have a conundrum to consider.
In the first quote words are omnipotent. In the second they are impotent.
What do you believe about the Power of the Spoken word?
Is this a truth or a fanciful notion?
Should you consider the latent power in every word you're about to utter before
you open your mouth?
Before you leap to an answer, try another question.
What is a word?
Is it merely a bundle of random letters?
Is it a sound or a series of sounds?
How do words carry intent or meaning?
Does it matter how or what we actually say?
If we don't understand the language being used, is there still power in the spok
en word?

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

When my son was about three I took him with me on a school camp. The students, (
12-13 years old), had a wonderful time playing with him. They piggy-backed him,
towed him round in a trolley AND taught him a colorful new vocabulary. The resul
t was dramatic. He swiftly learnt about the power of those spoken words. Swearin
g was a sure-fire attention grabber. The older children were delighted, some of
the adults shocked and I had the task of re-educating him!

OK. That was lots of questions. Not just one. But words do that. They are comple
x slippery things defying simplicity. Their exact nature and the question of whe
ther they have power or not has exercised great minds from antiquity to the pres
ent day.
For myself, I know there is Power in the Spoken Word.
I picture a word as carrier. Made of a collection of letters arranged in a uniqu
e way, each word denotes or stands for either a thing, person or an action. Thes
e 'things', 'persons' or 'actions' are given meaning through our experience and
knowledge of them.
For instance, the word, Mother.
Say the word. Let it roll around your mouth until you can taste it. What images
does it conjure up? What feelings come with those images?
All of what you've just re-experienced was unpacked and released by the simple a
rrangement of six letters: M-O-T-H-E-R. To me, that's power. The letters by them
selves are meaningless.
I believe the 'bigger' the word, the more power it has.
By 'big' words, I mean those effecting us all regardless of who or where we are.
These are universal words shared by everybody. The language used may be differe
nt but the idea contained by those words is the same.
Some of the words from my 'big' list are:
life, freedom, love, hate, health, wealth, happiness, death, disease, cancer, fa
mily, war, kill, birth, brother, lover, sister, son, daughter, mother, father, h
ome, speech, forgiveness...
Maybe you can think of more. Each of those carries energy ( either positive or n
egative) and that energy is the sum of our emotional response or intention. The
word is a conduit allowing us to express ourselves.
How does the Power of the Spoken Word effect us?
Words can heal, words can hurt and words spoken by those closest to us have the
most power of all.
Our word education begins when we do, at birth. Tiny and defenceless we are powe
rless, utterly dependent on others for our survival. From our mothers, fathers,
caregivers we learn the power of the spoken word. We learn if we are loved, valu
ed and cherished and we also learn the opposite and all the shades in between.
The messages of our childhoods keep speaking long after they were first spoken.
It's as if they get locked inside our minds and echo on. Sometimes they lie dorm
ant and then an event will trigger them. Up they pop like a jack-in-the-box and
we hear again what we were told long ago.
I saw this illustrated numerous times as a teacher. Unfortunately it was mostly
the negative comments that replayed.
I experienced fully capable adults reduced to emotional chaos over what appeared
the simplest of tasks. When the reason for the breakdown was explored they'd of
ten tell me they couldn't do 'x', 'y' or 'z' because they were stupid, silly or
dumb. When I challenged the statement, they'd say, that's what they'd been told.
Some would go on to tearfully explain. Inevitably there would be some strong fi
gure or a number of them who shot the wounding bullets. They'd been ricocheting
ever since.
If we track back over our lives there will be numerous occasions where words eit
her healed or hurt.
How does the Power of our Spoken Words effect others?
If we accept words spoken to us have the capacity or power to effect the way we
feel about ourselves, others and the world, then we must accept our words have t
he same potential impact on those around us. We can hurt or we can heal. The cho
ice is ours every time we open our mouths.
Using the Power of Spoken Words to Heal.
Acknowledging the power of spoken words is a fundamental building block to many
self-help as well as main stream therapies. For what we say out loud is a guide
to what lies within us. If our talk is critical, cynical or destructive, then we
tend to find we think about ourselves in a similar way. Quite simply, we don't
like or approve of much that we do or who we think we are. We have little tolera
nce for our weaknesses. We are ashamed. We fear being less than others. We attac
k for fear of being exposed.
The power of positive thinking has been well documented. Change the way you thin
k or talk to yourself and you will change yourself. The words you speak to yours
elf in the privacy of your mind have power too. Sounds too simple to be true, do
esn't it? But it is.
Shakespeare said it like this: 'Nothing is either good or bad.'Tis thinking make
s it so.'Words create our world.
Do you want to put some Positve Power of the Spoken Word in Your life?
Yes! Great. Go to Ten Tips on Using the Positive Power of the Spoken Word. These
are simple to use power-packed suggestions. Let the energy of your words heal.
Would you like to read some more about the power of positive thinking and how se
lf-talk shapes our lives?
Try reading James Allen's 'As a Man Thinketh'. This little classic is regarded a
s the forerunner to many of the best seller texts of today - including Norman Vi
ncent Peale's 'The Power of Positive Thinking'. You can download a free copy rig
ht now!
Or you could try any of these 4 links to sites specialising in positive thinking
.
They represent a variety of viewpoints. Give each of them a chance to 'talk' to
you. If you don't like what you're 'hearing' click up the next. Fortunately, the
re are many ways to express the power of the spoken word. There will be one appr
opriate for you.
Welcome to Wellness Life Coach, Wendy Mathew's site. Wendy is a trained NLP(Neur
o Linguistic Programming)facilitator. Read what she has to say about what the in
fluential magazine, 'Pyschology Today' calls:"... the most powerful tool for cha
nge that exists today."
'Benefits of Positive Thinking' belongs to Cristina Diaz.
It contains a broad selection of articles and links to resources. Cristina write
s in a warm, approachable way sharing her journey toward thinking positively.
Simon Templeton's site features a collection of free downloadable classic texts.
Each e-book is a testimony to the power of positive thinking or the power of the
spoken word. You'll find amongst the treasures Napoleon Hill's 'Think and Grow
Rich'.
Steve Pavlina's fascinating site features a startling variety of articles all re
lated to various aspects of self development including positive thinking and the
power of the spoken word. He calls it Personal development for Smart People.
Warning! It's so easy to lose hours here.
PS.
Does using the power of the spoken word positively mean you have to be a 'pollya
nna' about everything or everybody you meet in life?
You know...absolutely everything is 'nice', 'super' or 'wonderful' regardless of
what you feel or the situation you're in.
No. That would be daft. It would deny your intelligence and that of the person y
ou're talking to (even if it's yourself!). What it does mean is looking beyond t
he initial often destructive or dismissive impulse to find the constructive one.
Example: I write. I want to write so well the words sing off the page. It seldo
m happens. Sometimes my words warble pleasantly but they also frequently squawk.
I can stop writing altogether and say things like. 'I tried but it was too hard
.' 'I don't have the talent.'
Or I can say: 'That piece is better than the last. That paragraph worked. I like
your sentence construction there. Now how about you go back and have a play wit
h that bit where you were trying to explain...'
See the difference?
Do you ever get bored or feel limited by your current word collection? If so, it
's time to get a new one. Go to my How to Increase Your Word Power page for tips
and suggestions to improve your vocabulary. There are thousands and thousands o
f words in the English language. They're waiting for you now, all free to a good
home; your mouth!
Words Have Power
Effects Of Negative Words On Our Health

Positive Self Talk Is Key To Combating Negative Words About Yourself

It's already been established that words have power, and we all know the effects
of negative words on our thoughts and actions, but unless we start using positi
ve self talk when refering to ourselves, those same negative words can and will
effect our health.
If said often enough, these negative words can totally change your health, your
life and your outlook on life. The negative power and feelings are already there
... add them to your negative words and you have the makings of a disaster... wh
ich is your health!
We have all been caught in the trap of using negative words of power in either d
escribing how we look, feel or act... but have you ever thought that it's just a
s easy to look at yourself in a positive way than it is to look at yourself in a
negative way?

THE POWER OF THE SPOKEN WORD

James 1: 22-25
How do our words affect our lives, whether blessings or curses?
Is it a curse to call someone an idiot? How would you define a curse?
Eph. 4:29--"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths."

If we are made in the image of God (Gen 1: 27) do we have the right to call
someone an idiot, or even call ourselves an idiot or stupid, when we get angry
with ourselves? Is that a curse? Is that not saying to God you have made an idi
ot. Has God ever made any junk?
God takes the word very seriously. In the very beginning (Gen 1:3) God sai
d Let there be light, He spoke it into existence. In (John 1:1) In the beginning w
as the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God. John 1:14 says The
word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. I John 1:1-4 talks about the
word of life. John also says His name is the word of God in Rev. 19:13. In Genes
is 3:14 God curses the serpent, and it stands to this very day and in Genesis 4:
11 God curses Cain--all with spoken words.
Read Deu. 11:26-28 where God gives a choice to the people of Israel--A curs
e or a blessing.
John 15:3; Eph 5:25-26--through the word--husbands speaking good, kind word
s to your wife helps make them holy (this applies to all of us); and Heb. 12: 26
all speak about the spoken word. Hebrews 12:26--God shook the earth with His v
oice. Isaiah 55:10-11 shows us the power our words have once released from our
mouths. It seems that there is great power in our spoken words. Romans 10:8 -1
0 says to confess with your mouth (speak it out). We can not even be saved withou
t speaking it. Matthew 12:36-37 speaks of the power of our words to condemn u
s. This again shows the tremendous power of our spoken words.
There are not any expletives in the Bible. In fact, God tells us to Simply
let your Yes be Yes and your No, No ... in Matthew 5:37. Again in Matthew 5:22 we
ned against the words we use toward other people. It seems that the words that
are used are literal and descriptive. Jesus asked his disciples (Mt. 15:16) Are
you still so dull? John also called the Pharisees and Sadducees who were coming
to where he was baptizing a brood of vipers. Jesus called the canaanite woman a do
g (Mt. 15:26). Jesus called the Pharisees a brood of vipers (Matthew 12:34) as w
ell as snakes and a brood of vipers (Matthew 23:33). John also called the Phari
sees and Sadducees who were coming to where he was baptizing a brood of vipers. J
esus also told the Pharisees that their father is the devil (Jn 8:43-44). Jesus
called the Pharisees a liar (Jn 8:55). How offensive would that be today? Ob
viously, there is a time for bold rebuke.
Read James 3 to understand the effect of the words we speak. How many woun
ded people are there resulting from what comes out of our mouth?
How many people do we curse a day, and how many do we bless a day? I ll vent
ure to guess the curses out number the blessings.
 Husbands how many times do we curse our wives? Wives ask yourself the same
question.
Read (Gen 27) about Jacob getting Isaac s blessing, and how the blessing coul
d not be reversed even if it was received out of deception. This is a good remi
nder of the power of our spoken words.
There is hope--Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserve
d curse does not come to rest (Proverbs 26:2).
The Lord gave me a good example of how we all have a choice to bless or to
curse every day. As I was driving down the highway, I came upon some bicyclists
. Normally this would annoy me because the majority of highway bicyclists I hav
e encountered ride in the driving lane and do not move over for me to pass. But
this morning I was in worship with the Lord while listening to worship music as
I drove. I did not have time to even consider the fact that there were some cy
clists on my side of the road and in my lane. I just passed by in total worship
with one hand uplifted praising the Lord. The Lord showed me that if I keep my
eyes, my thoughts, and attitude on Him, nothing else around will matter.
It is impossible to curse and bless at the same time. It is your choice--w
hich will you do?
38 Fire Management Today
Jim Saveland is an assistant station
director, Rocky Mountain Research Station,
USDA Forest Service, Fort Collins, CO.
he wildland firefighting community
lives a repeating story.
Sooner or later, disaster strikes
BOOK REVIEW: HOW THE WAY WE TALK
CAN CHANGE THE WAY WE WORK
Jim Saveland
Tand firefighters lose their lives in
the line of duty. An investigation
follows; causes are determined and
remedies suggested. For a time,
there is increasing vigilance for safe
operations, but the vigilance
declines over time. At some point,
disaster strikes again and
firefighters lose their lives. The
question arises, does anything ever
really change? Do we ever really
learn anything?
Transformational
Learning
How the Way We Talk Can Change
the Way We Work: Seven Languages
for Transformation (Jossey-
Bass Publishers, San Francisco,
2001), by Robert Kegan and Lisa
Laskow Lahey, examines obstacles
to desired changes. As the authors
point out, people tend to say How
can we break down resistance our
own or that of others? How can we
overcome our defensiveness?
Reduce our fear? And so on. The
authors invite the reader into a new
and deeper understanding of our
being, one that is more respectful of
resistance and consequently more
supportive of individual and organizational
change.
Rather than aiming for the immediate
relief of symptoms or for
behavioral strategies to bring about
short-term solutions, the authors
focus on the deeper, underlying
changes in the way individuals and
groups make meaning. The book is
for people interested in the possibility
of their own transformational
learning, as well as for people
interested in supporting the transformational
learning of others an
increasingly necessary feature of
effective leadership.
As a student of conversations, I
have noticed that learning conversations
often start by acknowledging
and respecting silence. Another
important ingredient in setting the
stage for learning conversations is
what I call removing the fixer
overcoming the urge to fix others
problems. Seven Languages for
Transformation confirms the need
for both ingredients to creating a
supportive environment for transformational
learning.
The book is divided into three parts.
The first part introduces four new
languages as tools for personal
learning:
1. From the language of complaint
to the language of commitment;
2. From the language of blame to
the language of personal responsibility;
3. From the language of New
Year s resolutions to the language
of competing commitments;
and
4. From the language of big assumptions
that hold us to the
language of assumptions that we
hold.
Part 2 introduces three more
languages that serve to maintain
and continuously improve the skills
developed in part 1. These are social
languages, with important implications
for leadership:
5. From the language of prizes and
praising to the language of
ongoing regard;
6. From the language of rules and
policies to the language of public
agreement; and
7. From the language of constructive
criticism to the language of
deconstructive criticism.
Part 3 speaks to how we can practice
and develop all seven languages.
The book takes a novel
approach to the subject of why our
own genuine aspirations for
change personally and collectively
lead to so little lasting
change actually occurring.
The authors invite the reader
into a deeper understanding of our being,
one that is more respectful of resistance
and consequently more supportive of change.
Volume 62 No. 4 Fall 2002 39
Personal Languages
Commitment. Complaining,
wishing, and hoping are the familiar
modes of television talk. As the
authors point out, the language of
complaint is hardly conducive to
personal learning and reflective
leadership. Still, complaints do
contain the seed of transformation,
for we would not complain about
anything if we did not care about
something.
The idea is to use the energy in the
language of complaint as a gateway
for expressing personal
commitment. The language of
commitment does not simply
dismiss the complaint, but rather
goes with the complaint, honors it,
and invites the complaining person
to follow the forward momentum
that is implicit in the complaint.
From personal experience in the
martial arts, I recognize this as the
language of aikido.
Personal Responsibility. The
authors also propose replacing the
language of blame with the language
of personal responsibility, a
subject I have written about in
connection with the South Canyon
Fire (Saveland 1995). When we first
stop blaming others, we tend to
shift the blame to ourselves. But
personal responsibility goes beyond
placing blame. As the authors point
out, responsibility involves more
than taking the blame or debugging
the system. It involves being able to
learn from the behaviors we identify,
to learn from the story we tell
on ourselves. I think of blame and
reflection as being on opposite ends
of a continuum. When we see our
reflection in a mirror or other
reflective surface, we are better able
to see ourselves.
Competing Commitments. Next,
the authors explore why noble
aspirations what they call the
language of New Year s resolutions
often lead to little change.
We all share an immunity to
change, often unconsciously. Where
we see a need for change yet fail to
achieve it, we tend to blame other
people or unanticipated obstacles.
We fail to see that it may be nearly
impossible for us to bring about any
important change in a system or
organization without changing
ourselves (at least somewhat).
In other words, our commitment to
change is often canceled by another
commitment we hold that has
the effect of preventing the
change. What we are doing, the
authors point out, is merely protecting
ourselves, a normal human
motive. In fact, self-protection is a
crucial act of self-respect. The trick
is to become aware that we are
reacting in this way to the challenge
of change to become aware
of our own competing commitments.
Assumptions. The authors go on
to argue that we are enthralled by
Big Assumptions the assumptions
that we take to be true. If we
are certain we know how the world
works and this is how a Big
Assumption operates; it creates
certainty why would we even
think to look for a different reality?
We all have support communities of
colleagues, willing partners, people
we can talk to who reinforce the
languages we use. Our Big Assumptions
give rise to our competing
commitments, thereby anchoring the
whole immune system.
The authors recommend a four-step
process to overcome our big assumptions:
1. Observe ourselves in relation to
the big assumption;
2. Actively look for experiences that
cast doubt on the big assumption;
3. Explore the history of the big
assumption; and
4. Design and run a safe, modest
test of the big assumption.
Our language communities embed us
in not just one Big Assumption but
several. However, we can turn our
nest of Big Assumptions in a positive
direction if we use it as a home
for hatching new life, new forms, new
ways of making meaning that if
nurtured one day take wing.
Social Languages
Ongoing Regard. The regular
expression of genuinely experiencing
the value of a coworker s behavior is
what the authors call the language of
ongoing regard. It has two aspects:
appreciation and admiration. Most
organizations bestow formal praise
and prizes a practice rife with
problems (Kohn 1999) but
undercommunicate the genuinely
positive, appreciative, and admiring
experiences of their members.
According to the authors, three
qualities strengthen one s communication
of ongoing regard:
1. Being direct that is, delivering
appreciation or admiration directly
to the person rather than to or
through others;
2. Being specific; and
The authors propose
replacing the language
of blame with the
language of personal
responsibility.
40 Fire Management Today
3. Being nonattributive that is,
describing the speaker s experience
rather than the person s
attributes.
The nonattributive quality is
perhaps the most difficult to
practice. We tend to jump from our
perceptions of others to conclusions
about their character, thereby
passing judgment. As the authors
point out, If we characterize
people, even if we do so quite
positively, we actually engage
however unintentionally in the
rather presumptuous activity of
entitling ourselves to say who and
how the other is.
Public Agreement. The Ten Standard
Firefighting Orders and the
Eighteen Situations That Shout
Watch Out can be examples of
public agreements. The authors
take a fresh look at the purpose of
such agreements. We do not think
the value of shared agreements is to
prevent violations, they say, but to
create them. Then, violations are
considered with curiosity in an
organization s classroom, not
used to trump up charges in its
courtroom. Public agreements are
not used to give the troops their
marching orders or to cast out
sinners ; instead, they become a
way for responsible people to
collectively imagine a public life
they simultaneously know they
would prefer and know they will, at
times, fall short of. Falling short of
public agreements is a learning
opportunity for oneself and an
opportunity for group reflection
about competing commitments and
Big Assumptions.
Deconstructive Criticism. We all
know the value of constructive
criticism, even though most organizations
fail to deliver it well. Constructive
feedback is specific,
supportive, problem solving, and
timely; destructive feedback is
vague, blameful, threatening, and
pessimistic. But constructive
feedback is not enough. As the
authors point out, many a relationship
has been damaged and a work
setting poisoned by perfectly
delivered constructive feedback!
Constructive feedback rests on the
assumption that the provider say,
a supervisor has the only correct
view of the situation. The supervisor
is privileged to (1) say what the
employee is doing wrong, (2) offer
help, (3) suggest a solution, and (4)
give a timely message. The employee s
role is to listen, accept, and
gratefully receive.
Constructive feedback presumes
that the supervisor has super
vision. The authors see this
assumption as counterproductive to
learning, because we have little, if
any, reason to check ourselves if we
assume we are right. They propose
instead engaging in a conversation
with the same criticism in mind
but knowing that we may not be
totally right or may even be wrong.
That turns our endeavor from
finding clever ways to help the
person see it our way to exploring
what s been happening and
whether our criticism is warranted.
The authors thus propose a third
alternative to destructive and
constructive criticism. The idea is
to break down the barriers to
learning behind constructive
criticism by retreating from a
truth-claiming relationship. We
call this stance a deconstructive one
because its central intention is
neither to tear down nor build up
but instead disassemble, and the
object of attention is not first of all
the other but our own evaluation or
judgment.
The language of deconstructive
conflict is not about making conflict
disappear. It can work well yet
lead to even greater conflict. We
exercise all the languages for the
purpose of making our work
settings richer contexts for learning,
the authors conclude. The
kinds of change we are looking for
are transformational. They go to the
roots. They are not about fixes at
the surface.
Carrying on the Work
The seven languages for transformation
allow us to focus on what
the authors call our inner contradictions
and Big Assumptions
rather than using them as prisms
for viewing reality. That, in turn,
facilitates mental development and
transformational learning. A good
way of deepening a productive
relationship with our inner workings
is by building support communities
that regularly use the
seven languages. As the authors
point out, The seven languages are
intended to be a steady supply of
oxygen to keep the flame burning
for as long as our learning may
need.
Our commitment to change is often canceled by another commitment we
hold that has the effect of preventing the change.
Volume 62 No. 4 Fall 2002 41
Leaders can further the languages
by designing conversational space.
When you create a place for
something, the authors note, it is
remarkable how much more likely
the thing is to occur. The authors
try to expand our limited conception
of leadership and learning.
Leadership is not about the leader
ratcheting up his volume of
attaboys ; instead, it is about
creating channels or contexts for
relatively rare forms of speech at
work. Perhaps we need leaders
who are able both to start processes
of learning and to diagnose and
disturb already existing processes
that prevent learning and change,
the active, ongoing immune systems
at work in every individual
and organization.
Next Steps
Can changing the way we talk
actually reduce the likelihood of
future fire fatalities and improve
our individual and organizational
performance? I think so. But there
is only one way to find out: Try it.
That s what a group of us is planning
to do in the USDA Forest
Service s Intermountain Region. We
will get together every other month
to practice with the seven languages
and experiment with other reflection
exercises. You are invited to
join us.
Changing the way we talk can be a
tremendous step in the right
direction. However, more must be
done to develop situational awareness
(see, for example,
Csikszentmihalyi 1990; Gallwey
2000; and Heckler 1990). But that is
beyond the scope of this book
review.
References
Csikszentmihalyi, M. 1990. Flow: The
psychology of optimal experience. New
York: Harper Perennial.
Gallwey, W.T. 2000. The inner game of work.
New York: Random House.
Heckler, R.S. 1990. In search of the warrior
spirit. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic
Books.
Kohn, A. 1999. Punished by rewards: The
trouble with gold stars, incentive plans,
A s, praise, and other bribes. New York:
Houghton Mifflin Company.
Saveland, J. 1995. Creating a passion for
safety vs. management oversight and
inspection. Wildfire 4(3): 38 41. ¦
Most organizations bestow formal praise but undercommunicate the
genuinely positive, appreciative, and admiring experiences of their members.