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Are Children Harmed by Divorce: Research Paper Presented To The Class of Mrs. Annievic Nacario

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Are children harmed by divorce

Research Paper
Presented to
The class of Mrs. Annievic Nacario

In Partial Fullfilment
Of the Recuirments for the subject
English 4

By:Mark Jonh M. Matero


January 3 2011

Table of Contents
Dedication...........................................................................................X
Acknowledgement..............................................................................XX

Outline.................................................................................................XXX

Introduction........................................................................................1

Marital Dissolution..............................................................................2

Causes...................................................................................................3

When divorce may not be so bad or actually good..........................5

Trauma and Religion..........................................................................7

Conclusion...........................................................................................9

References...........................................................................................11

Dedication
I would like to dedicate this Doctoral dissertation to my mother,friends and teacher.
There is no doubt in my mind that without his continued support and counsel I could
not have completed this process.

Acknowledgement
I would like to acknowledge the inspirational instruction and guidance of my mother
Mrs.Teofila Matero and my teacher Mrs. Annievic Nacario.

Outline
1.Introduction

2.Marital Dissolution

3.Causes

4. When divorce may not be so bad or actually good?

5.Trauma and Religion

Introduction
Divorce harms! That is undisputed, to what extent and to what degree is the

question we have set out to examine? The research that has been carried out, has been

critiqued for biased ness in sampling and later interpretation of data. Most researchers

have determined that children of divorce have difficulty forming relationship of their

own, are more likely to divorce themselves, are more prone to depression, become less

religious and have reduced educational and financial attainment. In short the overall

effect is proclaimed to be negative. There are most positive aspects out of divorce

especially when there is no alternative option? We will examine these issues in detail

and also see what sort of option does parents in conflict have and with what

implications.

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Marital Dissolution
The sanctity of marriage as an institution may be open to question as increasing

number of children are either being reared by single parent, or being forced with a

single parent because of non marital childhood. Children may have an unquestioned

right to parental support, be it emotional, psychological or financial – children of

separated parents still have these needs and separation creates an indeterminable void

that may sustain beyond childhood. Judith (1994) believes that women and men have

fundamentally different behaviors vis-à-vis marriage child bearing and care of children.

Women normally take care of children; take responsibility for them, in spite or despite

their existent or future relationships. Men on the other hand, Judith believes, have

usually relationship with children of partners they are cohabiting with – this

relationship may shear off with partner dissolution. This removal of paternal link may

have severe emotional consequences for younger children. The quantum and magnitude

of effects has been questioned by various researchers citing lack of evidence or

partiality of evidence, yet the negativity of effects has been acknowledged (Judith, 1994).

There is an increased tendency (almost twice with children from intact

marriages) to drop out from school amongst single parent’s children. Children from

broken up homes are shuttled between two entities for custodial rights – those living

with their mother are disadvantaged in terms of access to material resources, however

research shows that girls living their mother are better adjusted socially than boys

living with their mother, further children living with their mother may have reduced

financial resources, as family income has been cut and generally women earn lessmen.

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Causes
Conflict between parents affects children both directly and indirectly, as parents

may be preoccupied with their own problems and later after the separation, the single

parent may be too traumatized to offer solace to the child. There is also evidence that

conflict that predates divorce may have negative bearing on children from the earlier

time and may continue after the separation. Children’s emotional security is thus

affected both prior to divorce and afterwards when out of selfish love each partner

exaggerates interest in child welfare augmenting the strain on poor child.

The major sources of disagreements amongst the two partners before divorce are

money and child handling ways and these issues persist after the break – exacerbated

by discordant partners who already could not agree to a single view. This conflict often

leads to disengagement from each other and leaving the poor child’s future in a

vacuum. Growing children are caught midway between parents who can’t take sides

without feeling guilty and end up blaming themselves for inability to manage parents’

disagreements (Judith, 1994).

Boys and girls tend to behave differently in post divorce single parent scenario.

Boys are more disturbed when father leaves than daughters while daughters similarly

experience distress with addition of a stepfather, as this addition may be perceived as

pseudo loss of mother in terms of attention and time. Again stepfather addition may

surmount to sexual tension for girls in the pubescent step daughter step father

relationship (Stephanie et al, 1996).

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Joan (1998) states that children from broken homes are more likely to suffer

from delinquency, drop out of school, use drugs and drink heavily – however

sometimes divorce may be the best way out and best solution for children. Divorce

effects ripple into all facets of life from education to emotional health. Increasing

number of divorce rates are compounding these problems, as divorce rates climb to

50% of the newly married. Society is still providing tacit approval of divorce which

entails increasing detrimental effects on the partners and their off springs. The evidence

is unmistakable, children of divorce are abused and neglected, these children have

problem focusing and concentrating on studies, and finally these children show

increased crime adoption and suicidal tendencies.

These children are more likely to divorce as they become adults and marry.

Interestingly the odds against marriage succeeding become even higher if both parents

are offspring of divorced parents (Scott, 2002). These children start seeing divorce as

an acceptable solution, even if they have children of their own

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When divorce may not be so bad or actually good?

At times parents may stay together, ostentatiously for their children, however

the conflict and stress may be so great that children end up being victimized and may be

hounded by memories of their parents shouting and bickering at each other. In

situations that are irretrievable clean break may be advised and for these partners

divorce may be the only solution and accost children with the new fact of life and allow

children to deal with things as they are not what they might want them to be (Joan,

1998).

Divorce experience may be different for different persons E. Mavis says that at

least 20% of the divorced women emerged from the relationship, liberated and

developed latent abilities that would not have been possible in restrictive or unhappy

marriage. Many of these women went back to college, began to work and developed a

successful career and essentially became responsible citizens. Many of these women had

satisfying and happy second marriages. This was especially true when they moved from

an already disengaged partnership or from bullying or acrimonious husband that had

weakened their self esteem (E. Mavis, 2002). Similarly some girls do emerge from their

parent’s divorce more responsible having learnt from divorce experience how to handle

stress in their own lives.

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Sometimes children are denied the safe environment they deserve, they are

sexually and physically abused and professional help hasn’t worked or parent doesn’t

acknowledge the problem’s gravity – divorce may be the answer. Children living in

homes with domestic violence may suffer long lasting psychological problems, then for

child and spouse’s own safety divorce may be the right course of action. Similarly for

spouse addicted to drugs and alcohol and who is unwilling to go for professional help

separation may be necessary for both spouse and children sake. Divorce is bad for

partners and for children but at times it may be better than living in violent, abusive

and unhealthy environment. (Gregory, Maybe you should get a divorce)

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Trauma and Religion

Joan quotes Robert Simpson, professor of Sociology, at University of Chicago

who has determined that divorce rates in a community strongly correlated and

predicted robbery rate in that community - he came to this result after studying 171

cities with more than 100,000 people. Further divorced parents’ children have a higher

chance of being abused and even remarriage fails to stem the levels of abuse. Besides

abuse emotional suffering and trauma of separation may cause long lasting

psychological damage in many children – there is also an increased chance of child

neglect when parents have split also giving rise to feeling of unwonted. An ancillary

affect is weakened relationship between child and his/her separated parents. Scott

(2002) quoting Wallerstein says that children from divorce end up having strong

negative feeling about their father if he has stopped providing financial support for

education and other financial emotional needs. It is common for children from split

families to end up blaming themselves for their parents divorce and have a poor self

image. Thus these children’s psychological stability is undermined and the effects

sustain beyond into children’s adulthood and child’s capacity to live a family life is

severely affected, they might have difficulty in forming profound and long lasting

relationships. These children may experience sex earlier than on average, have more

teenage pregnancies, have distrust for long term relationships and are generally afraid

of having children, “Parents not only divorce each other, they in effect divorce or

partially divorce their children”, (Patrick, Robert, 2000).

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Relationship between surviving parent and child is not as deep after the split as

before as the parent is often unable to commit same deep level of emotional; support to

his/her child, also the child inherits inability to handle conflict which becomes a

hindrance in later life. Children of separated parents may suffer from feelings of

inadequacy and rejection which may hamper their judgmental skills with regards to

giving and accepting love and intimacy. Religion is considered not only a solace and

support but also provides faith in higher being, broken families have reduced religious

interaction, even to the point of stopping practice of faith or outright rejection of divine

interference. Scott (2002) says that children from divorce are 2 to 2.7 times more likely

to reject faith and shun religion than children from parents of married parents.

Children from divorced parents, according to Bernardo, and who are in touch

with both of their parents are caught in a void between two separate sets of beliefs and

values leading to an inner conflict or war of the worlds, at times these children may be

ambivalent at times traveling in extreme poles but rarely do the two parents belief sets

are congruent. During marriage there might have been compromises and

harmonization of differences but post separation the two discrete individuals who have

stopped reaching out retreat into their own shells and diverge from each other values

and beliefs. The poor child who is in contact with both of them has a strikingly difficult

job of making sense of two ways of thinking, living and believing. This compulsive

conflict may lead these children to impaired thinking, decision making and finding their

own identity – they become confused. Hence the child is at a loss whether the divorce is

acrimonious, then he/she is struck with discord and inner strife. If the divorce is

amicable then child is laden with addled thinking as above (Bernardo, 2006).

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Conclusion
We have seen that divorce is draining emotionally, psychologically and

financially for children and for the single mothers. Children have emotional scars from

the tragedy which they will most probably carry over to their next generation. We also

saw children from divorce dropping out of school, blaming themselves having suicidal

tendencies and turning away from religion.

A positive aspect out of divorce may be when separation acts as a release from a

binding dysfunctional relationship, when children were abused, when partner was

belligerent, bullying alcoholic and drug addict. We have also seen that rather than been

living in a regular bickering conflict ridden relationship it is better to separate. In the

end one thing is for certain – divorce is on the whole bad for the parents and harms

children who are the hardest hit.

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References
Scott M. Stanley & Frank D. Fincham (2002). The Effects of Divorce on Children.
Couples Research and Therapy Newsletter (AABT-SIG), 8 (1), 7-10.
Judith A. Seltzer (1994) Consequences of Marital Dissolution for Children. - author.
Annual Review of Sociology. Volume: 20. Page Number: 235+.
Joan Burnie (June 26, 1998). Can Divorce Ever Be Good for Children?; Split Decision:
How Families Cope With The Stress And Strain When Two Parents Decide To
Separate. Daily Record. Page Number: 48.
Patrick F. Fagan & Robert Rector (October 2000). The Effects of Divorce on America.
World and I. Volume: 15. Issue: 10.
Stephanie Kasen, Patricia Cohen, Judith S. Brook, Claudia Hartmark (1996). A
Multiple-Risk Interaction Model: Effects of Temperament and Divorce on
Psychiatric Disorders in Children. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology.
Volume: 24. Issue: 2.
E. Mavis Hetherington (April 8, 2002). Marriage and Divorce American Style: A
Destructive Marriage Is Not a Happy Family. The American Prospect. Volume:
13. Issue: 7. Page Number: 62+.
Bernardo M Villegas (February 24, 2006). Children of Divorce. Manila Bulletin.
Gregory Ramey. Maybe you should get a divorce! When is a marriage harmful to
children? Retrieved 3rd October 2007, from
http://kidscarelink.com/Health_Topics/Parenting_News/Divorce_Ramey_05_21_0
6.html

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