Recovery Patterns of Codependence: Co-Dependence Anonymous, Inc

Co-Dependence Anonymous, Inc.
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Copyright © 2010 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. and its licensors -All Rights Reserved
Recovery Patterns of Codependence

Codependents often... In Recovery…
Have difficulty identifying what they I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often
are feeling in the moment. I know the difference between my
thoughts and feelings.
Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly I embrace my feelings; they are valid and
feel. important.
Perceive themselves as completely I know the difference between caring and
unselfish and dedicated to the well- caretaking. I recognize that caretaking others is
being of others often motivated by a need to benefit myself.
Lack empathy for the feelings and I am able to feel compassion for another’s feelings
Denial needs of others. and needs.
Label others with their negative traits. I acknowledge that I may own the negative traits I
Patterns often perceive in others.
Think they can take care of themselves I acknowledge that I sometimes need the help of
without any help from others. others.
Mask pain in various ways such as I am aware of my painful feelings and express them
anger, humor, or isolation. appropriately.
Express negativity or aggression in I am able to express my feelings openly, directly,
indirect and passive ways. and calmly.
Do not recognize the unavailability of I pursue intimate relationships only with others
those people to whom they are who want, and are able to engage in, healthy and
attracted. loving relationships.
Have difficulty making decisions. I trust my ability to make effective decisions.
Judge what they think, say, or do I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over
harshly, as never good enough. perfection.
Low Are embarrassed to receive I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition,
recognition, praise, or gifts. praise, or gifts I receive.
Self- Value others’ approval of their I value the opinions of those I trust, without
esteem thinking, feelings, and behavior over needing to gain their approval. I have confidence in
Patterns their own. myself.
Do not perceive themselves as lovable I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable
or worthwhile persons. person.
Seek recognition and praise to I seek my own approval first, and examine my
overcome feeling less than. motivations carefully when I seek approval from
others.
Have difficulty admitting a mistake. I continue to take my personal inventory, and when
I am wrong, promptly admit it.
The Recovery Patterns of Codependence may not be reprinted or republished without the express written consent of Co-Dependents
Anonymous, Inc. This document may be reprinted from the website www.coda.org (CoDA) for use by members of the CoDA
Fellowship. Copyright © 2011 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. All rights reserved.
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Need to appear to be right in the eyes I am honest with myself about my behaviors and
of others and may even lie to look motivations. I feel secure enough to admit mistakes
good. to myself and others, and to hear their opinions
without feeling threatened.
Low
Are unable to identify or ask for what I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I
Self- they need and want. reach out for help when it’s necessary and
esteem appropriate.
Perceive themselves as superior to I perceive myself as equal to others.
Patterns others.
Look to others to provide their sense With the help of my Higher Power, I create safety in
of safety. my life.
Have difficulty getting started, meeting I avoid procrastination by meeting my
deadlines, and completing projects. responsibilities in a timely manner.
Have trouble setting healthy priorities I am able to establish and uphold healthy priorities
and boundaries. and boundaries in my life.
Are extremely loyal, remaining in I am committed to my safety and leave situations
harmful situations too long. that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.
Compromise their own values and I am rooted in my own values, even if others don’t
integrity to avoid rejection or anger. agree or become angry.
Put aside their own interests in order I consider my interests and feelings when asked to
to do what others want. participate in another’s plans.
Are hypervigilant regarding the I can separate my feelings from the feelings of
feelings of others and take on those others. I allow myself to experience my feelings and
feelings. others to be responsible for their feelings.
Compliance Are afraid to express their beliefs, I respect my own opinions and feelings and express
Patterns opinions, and feelings when they differ them appropriately.
from those of others.
Accept sexual attention when they My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and
want love. connection. When I need to feel loved, I express my
heart’s desires. I do not settle for sex without love.
Make decisions without regard to the I ask my Higher Power for guidance, and consider
consequences. possible consequences before I make decisions.
Give up their truth to gain the approval I stand in my truth and maintain my integrity,
of others or to avoid change. whether others approve or not, even if it means
making difficult changes in my life.
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Believe people are incapable of taking I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are
care of themselves. capable of managing their own lives.
Attempt to convince others what to I accept the thoughts, choices, and feelings of
think, do, or feel. others, even though I may not be comfortable with
them.
Freely offer advice and direction I give advice only when asked.
without being asked.
Become resentful when others decline I am content to see others take care of themselves.
their help or reject their advice.
Lavish gifts and favors on those they I carefully and honestly contemplate my
want to influence. motivations when preparing to give a gift.
Use sexual attention to gain approval I embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidence
and acceptance. of my health and wholeness. I do not use it to gain
Control the approval of others.
Have to feel needed in order to have a I develop relationships with others based on
Patterns relationship with others. equality, intimacy, and balance.
Demand that their needs be met by I find and use resources that meet my needs
others. without making demands on others. I ask for help
when I need it, without expectation.
Use charm and charisma to convince I behave authentically with others, allowing my
others of their capacity to be caring caring and compassionate qualities to emerge.
and compassionate.
Use blame and shame to exploit others I ask directly for what I want and need and trust
emotionally. the outcome to my Higher Power. I do not try to
manipulate outcomes with blame or shame.
Refuse to cooperate, compromise, or I cooperate, compromise, and negotiate with
negotiate. others in a way that honors my integrity.
Adopt an attitude of indifference, I treat others with respect and consideration, and
helplessness, authority, or rage to trust my Higher Power to meet my needs and
manipulate outcomes. desires.
Use recovery jargon in an attempt to I use my recovery for my own growth and not to
control the behavior of others. manipulate or control others.
Pretend to agree with others to get My communication with others is authentic and
what they want. truthful.
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Act in ways that invite others to reject, I act in ways that encourage loving and healthy
shame, or express anger toward them. responses from others.
Judge harshly what others think, say, I keep an open mind and accept others as they are.
or do.
Avoid emotional, physical, or sexual I engage in emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy
intimacy as a way to maintain distance. when it is healthy and appropriate for me.
Allow addictions to people, places, and I practice my recovery to develop healthy and
things to distract them from achieving fulfilling relationships.
intimacy in relationships.
Use indirect or evasive communication I use direct and straightforward communication to
Avoidance to avoid conflict or confrontation. resolve conflicts and deal appropriately with
confrontations.
Patterns Diminish their capacity to have healthy When I use the tools of recovery, I am able to
relationships by declining to use the develop and maintain healthy relationships of my
tools of recovery. choosing.
Suppress their feelings or needs to I embrace my own vulnerability by trusting and
avoid feeling vulnerable. honoring my feelings and needs.
Pull people toward them, but when I welcome close relationships while maintaining
others get close, push them away. healthy boundaries.
Refuse to give up their self-will to I believe in and trust a power greater than myself. I
avoid surrendering to a power greater willingly surrender my self-will to my Higher Power.
than themselves.
Believe displays of emotion are a sign I honor my authentic emotions and share them
of weakness. when appropriate.
Withhold expressions of appreciation. I freely engage in expressions of appreciation
toward others.

Recovery Patterns of Codependence: Co-Dependence Anonymous, Inc

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Recovery Patterns of Codependence: Co-Dependence Anonymous, Inc

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Co-Dependence Anonymous, Inc.

Recovery Patterns of Codependence

Recovery Patterns of Codependence

Recovery Patterns of Codependence

Recovery Patterns of Codependence

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