Gendered Talk

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Article: Sex, Lies and Conversation by Deborah Tannen
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Introduction
During early moments, girls and boys play with other children of their gender and age.
The two separate groups possess unique organization forms plus interactive norms, leading to
communication problems between the two sexes. In her article, Deborah Tannen, on sex, lies,
and conversation, she depicts some significant differences between men and women in childhood
socialization and how it leads to cross-cultural communication. Deborah Tannen applies real-life
experiences to support her arguments in the article, making the material more useful and
relatable in the way things happen in the real world. Variances in cross-cultural interactions
between women and men are prevalent in conversation, linguistics, plus body language.
In her article, Deborah Tannen (1990) commences in a part where she addresses a small
group in a Suburban Virginia room. It was a women group in which they had requested to be
joined by some men. Throughout that session, one man was very talkative and offered anecdotes
plus ideas as his wife sat next to him quietly. At the end of the course, Tannen commented that
women complained that their men failed to talk to them. Therefore, the episode disclosed that it
was ironic that men in America tend to speak more in public than they do in their homes. At last,
Tannen speculated that the trend was wreaking havoc with many marriages.
According to Tannen's research (1990), most women's complaints concerning their
husbands involved real inequalities, like giving up on sharing tasks like cooking, cleaning, and
other errands. Besides, they focused on communication, and many women wanted their partners
to be more conversational.
Research of an American Psychologist indicated different childhood socialization designs
whereby boys and girls only played with their gender. Similarly, to girls, women view intimacy
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as a fabric of the relationship, and communication is where it is woven. Girls maintain and create
friends through secrets exchange, and women view communication as a friendship cornerstone.
Therefore, a woman expects her man to be an improved and new version of her best friend. On
the other hand, boys' bonds can get as intense as girls', although they involve doing things
together but less on talking. However, since boys never assume talks as a building block of
relationships, men have no ideas on which conversations women want, plus they do not miss
them if the talks are not there (Franks & Waldman, 2018).
Physical positioning is another problem encountered during a conversation between the
two genders. When women have a conversation, they face each other directly with their eyes
held upon each other's faces. Conversely, men always sit at angles and looking elsewhere in the
room but glancing at each other periodically. The tendency of a man facing away when
conversing with a woman indicates to her that he is not paying attention.
In Tannen's (1990) article, she speculates that women mostly involve participatory
listening while having conversations with their gender. Contrary, men find it as a lack of
attention, intrusion, or interruption. Women view conversational jobs as a support expression
design, whereas men view it as a way of pointing the other argument side. Therefore, women see
a conversation as a method of establishing a rapport. For example, if one girl says she has a
problem and the other says she has the same problem, they walk away feeling closer to one
another.
However, from arguments and illustrations made by Tannen in her article, we all
understand now why women have different expectations in marriage than men. For women,
communication generates intimacy. Women assume that marriage is a closeness orgy in which
you can spit your thoughts and feelings but still get loved. The main fear for women is getting
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pushed away. Opposingly, men live in a hierarchical world in which communication maintains
status and independence. Men are always protecting themselves from being pushed around or
even put down.
From arguments in the article, marriage communication problems cannot be fixed
through mechanical engineering but need a conceptual framework on the importance of
communication in relationships between humans. Many psychological predicaments blame either
men (for being less in touch with their feelings) or women (for being less assertive). However,
by applying a sociolinguistic design, we can identify the problem and come up with solutions
without leaning on one party. Once the issue gets identified, then improvements come naturally
(Greer, 2018).
After going through this article, I started to flashback on different reactions I encountered
with my friends and in my relationship. Broadly, we have had miscommunication problems
similar to the way Tannen stipulates. But, through thinking those experiences from the difference
in styles of communication between men and women, the article helped me explain why my
friends are upset with my replies posture during a conversation.
I agree with Tannen's explanations of gendered talks. In the issue of conversation topic
alignment, it is true that girls tend to spend more time with one another and talk for long
concerning one topic, but boys jump from one subject to another and spend little time with one
another. Nonetheless, boys tell jokes and tease one another, but girls on their league exchange
stories involving people they knew. I concur with Tannen that girls and boys are taught
communication tactics differently as they grow older, that however leads to communication
problems in their lives. The argument fits perfectly with my life experiences. During football
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interview, you will hear a player saying he is good at his position, and his opponent is a nobody;
it perfectly fits Tannen's objective.
In conclusion, the article is fascinating and speculates the differences between women
and men in terms of communication. Tannen inspires valid theories and observations concerning
the topic, which changes the way we view life and other people surrounding us (Greer, 2018).
However, if everyone speculates Tannen points on communication in marriages, there will be
essential understanding and minimal gender fights concerning failure to talk or listen to any
party. Nonetheless, from the textbook, parental training is necessary while raising children of
different ages and gender, parent-children, and children-parent bonding.

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References
Deborah Tannen, (1990). Article: Sex, Lies and Conversation
https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/opinions/1990/06/24/sex-lies-and-
conversation/01cb17ba-1af7-4bf4-8a02-3d1b6c11648f/?utm_term=.05695231a822
Franks, M. A., & Waldman, A. E. (2018). Sex, lies, and videotape: Deep fakes and free speech
delusions. Md. L. Rev., 78, 892.
Greer, E. (2018). Must We Do What We Say? The Plight of Marriage and Conversation in
George Meredith’s The Egoist. In Stanley Cavell on Aesthetic Understanding (pp. 293-
320). Palgrave Macmillan, Cham.

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1

Article: Sex, Lies and Conversation by Deborah Tannen

According to Tannen's research (1990), most women's complaints concerning their

Research of an American Psychologist indicated different childhood socialization designs

Physical positioning is another problem encountered during a conversation between the

conversing with a woman indicates to her that he is not paying attention.

attention, intrusion, or interruption. Women view conversational jobs as a support expression

even put down.

From arguments in the article, marriage communication problems cannot be fixed

through mechanical engineering but need a conceptual framework on the importance of

communication in relationships between humans. Many psychological predicaments blame either

with my friends and in my relationship. Broadly, we have had miscommunication problems

friends are upset with my replies posture during a conversation.

it perfectly fits Tannen's objective.

However, if everyone speculates Tannen points on communication in marriages, there will be

different ages and gender, parent-children, and children-parent bonding.

Deborah Tannen, (1990). Article: Sex, Lies and Conversation

delusions. Md. L. Rev., 78, 892.

George Meredith’s The Egoist. In Stanley Cavell on Aesthetic Understanding (pp. 293-

320). Palgrave Macmillan, Cham.

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