1. Say what you are going to do and then do what you say!

2. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Frequent, honest communication builds trust.

Poor communication is one of the key reasons marriages and work relationships fall apart.

3. Trust is built one day, one interaction at a time, and yet it can be lost in a moment because
of one poor decision. Make the right decision.

4. Value long term relationships more than short term success.

5. Sell without selling out. Focus more on your core principles and customer loyalty than
short term commissions and profits.

6. Trust generates commitment; commitment fosters teamwork; and teamwork delivers

results. When people trust their team members they not only work harder, but they work
harder for the good of the team.

7. Be honest! My mother always told me to tell the truth. She would say, “If you lie to me
then we can’t be a strong family. So don’t ever lie to me even if the news isn’t good.”

8. Become a coach. Coach your customers. Coach your team at work. Guide people, help
them be better and you will earn their trust.

9. Show people you care about them. When people know you care about their interests as
much as your own they will trust you. If they know you are out for yourself, their internal
alarm sounds and they will say to themselves “watch out for that person.”

10. Always do the right thing. We trust those who live, walk and work with integrity.

11. When you don’t do the right thing, admit it. Be transparent, authentic and willing to share
your mistakes and faults. When you are vulnerable and have nothing to hide you radiate trust.

Trust in relationships is founded on four key factors:

1)Values

A common set of values and a willingness to respect the ones that do not overlap is essential
for building trust in relationships. Shared values often contribute to a mutual recognition of
priorities, which reduces dissension within relationships. Respecting others values which
differ from our own can provide us with essential learnings about each individual’s strengths
and virtues.

2)Integrity

Integrity in relationships presents in the form of honesty and consistency. When two people
form a deep connection, there should be some level of predictability in the relationship. If one
enters a relationship with someone with a very compassionate demeanour, one should be able
to trust that the other person will continue to behave with integrity of character, acting with
compassion throughout the relationship.

3) Mutuality

Mutuality refers to the idea of working as a team within a relationship. This is absolutely
critical to sustained trust within close social connections. To feel as though one can rely upon
another person, one must be sure that the other person is on the same side, and going in the
same direction.

4)Commitment

Any close relationship is incomplete without some degree of loyalty. Both people in the
relationship must be able to trust that the efforts they are devoting to the relationship are not
being made in vain. Commitment does not need to be a burden but when in a trusting
relationship can actually provide stability and predictability which builds trust.

So how can you work to maintain and build trust within a close relationship? HTere are
several ways to help you build loyal, safe and mutual relationships at home and in the
workplace.

8 Ways to Confidently Build Trust in Your Relationships

1. Stay Honest

The most effective, and, arguably most obvious, method of maintaining a trusting
relationship is through preserving shared honesty. While healthy relationships do not require
both parties to divulge everything about themselves, dishonesty, either in the form of blatant
lying or withholding of the full truth only work to tear individuals apart.

2. Learn to Communicate Effectively

One of the top reasons for failed relationships is a lack of communication. Unfortunately,
effective communication is not a skill that is typically incorporated into our education and,
thus, must be developed actively through direct efforts.

Active, constructive communication encourages honest conversations and the sharing of

positive news. Through making these ongoing communication efforts, you include those
around you in the details of your life and start the sharing ball rolling, which helps to develop
trust through mutual understanding.

3. Moderate Your Impulsive Decision Making

Relationships often struggle when one or more parties feel as though they are not taken into
account when the other makes an important decision. This struggle can occur in a wide
variety of settings from intimate relationships to a lack of transparent communication in the
workplace. For example, a worker is likely to feel untrusting of his boss if the boss schedules
him to work on a major holiday without consulting the worker first.
By becoming more aware of our impulsive behaviours through active, constructive
communication, we can learn self-control and consider others when making decisions. This
is not an easy lesson however the fruits of mutual decision making will leave all parties
feeling valued and commitment to the relationship.

4. Be Reliable

Trust can dissolve in no time at all if one or both parties in a relationship fail to follow
through with their promises or don’t do what they said they would.  Reliability goes hand in
hand with remaining honest and communicating openly. A  large part of being trustworthy is
ensuring that your actions match your promises.

5. Admit Your Mistakes

While mistakes themselves can damage close relationships, sometimes they are unavoidable.

An essential part of the human experience is failing to meet every expectation; we are not
perfect even though we may try. So when those inevitable blunders do arise, it is essential
to confess your behaviour, take responsibility for your mistake and don’t avoid them as this
breeds mistrust and begs the other party to think “ I wonder what else they are lying
about….”

6. Do The Right Thing

Although making mistakes is an inevitable part of life, we do have an internal compass telling
us how right or wrong our actions are. Maintaining your awareness of this internal moral
gauge and moderating the behaviours which lean to the ‘wrong’ side can help others to
understand, rely and trust you. 

An essential aspect of maintaining a trusting relationship is prioritising the alignment of

one’s actions with one’s values. We cannot always be congruent with the values of the other
person in the relationship, however, in situations such as these, standing by one’s moral
integrity and building a reputation for doing what is right will also work to build trust.

7. Avoid Self-Promotion

Relationships are a two-way street and trust can become difficult if one seems to always be
looking out for their own interests. By no means should you downplay your own efforts, but
rather learn to respect the importance of the other person in the relationship, be grateful for
their presence and the efforts they make to keep the relationship working.

8. Express Yourself

While revealing feelings can be uncomfortable and make one feel vulnerable it is an
important part of building trust. Allowing those feelings to be made known rather than hiding
them away can help to build an understanding of your position. Concealing true emotions
may negatively impact a relationship by fostering an air of resentment or secrecy.

A Take Home Message

Trust is undeniably an essential part of any lasting relationship and may ebb or flow over
time. Continue fine-tuning yourself and your relationships through actively committing on a
daily basis and hopefully you will find kindness, trust and love in return.

Strategies for Building Trust

As a leader, what can you do to create a culture of trust within your team?

1. Lead by Example

If you want to build trust within your team, then lead by example

, and show your people that you trust others. This means trusting your team, your colleagues,
and your boss. Never forget that your team members are always watching and taking cues
from you – take the opportunity to show them what trust in others really looks like.

2. Communicate Openly

Open communication is essential for building trust. You need to get everyone on your team
talking to one another in an honest, meaningful way, and you can use several strategies to
accomplish this.

First, create a team charter

to define the purpose of the team, as well as each person's role. Present this charter at the first
team meeting, and encourage each team member to ask questions, and discuss his or her
expectations.

Next, consider organizing team building exercises

. When chosen carefully and planned well, these exercises can help "break the ice" and
encourage people to open up and start communicating.

Note:

It's useful to help your people understand that other people's approaches and insights can be
as valid as their own. This is where psychometric instruments such as Myers-Briggs
Personality Testing

and the Margerison-McCann Team Management Profile

can help people understand and appreciate those that they work with, even when these people
have quite different approaches.

Meet regularly, so that all team members have a chance to talk about their progress, and
discuss any problems that they're experiencing. This time spent face-to-face is an important
part of getting to know each other. It also creates opportunities for team members to talk, and
to help one another solve problems.
Make sure that you "walk the talk" here: whenever you have important or relevant
information to share, do so immediately. Demonstrate that open communication is important
to you by consistently sharing with the group. The more you share with your team members,
and thereby prove that you have no hidden agenda, the more comfortable they'll feel trusting
you and each other.

3. Know Each Other Personally

One way to build trust is to encourage your team members to see their colleagues as people.
Think about creating situations that help them share personal stories, and bond.

Do this by asking sensitively about their family, or about their hobbies. Start by sharing some
personal information about yourself, and then ask someone else about a hobby, or a musical
interest.

Another way to get the team acquainted, and to form stronger bonds, is to socialize after work

or at lunch.

For example, you could set aside time each week for informal group discussions. Consider
asking team members to put forward suggestions on topics you could all cover. To start with,
you could start a discussion around values

. Share some of your own values, and encourage others to share theirs. Values are important
to most people, and starting a conversation that allows people to share them highlights your
team's humanity.

Note:

Use your own best judgment when asking team members or colleagues personal questions –
don't invade their privacy!

4. Don't Place Blame

When people work together, honest mistakes and disappointments happen, and it's easy to
blame someone who causes these. However, when everyone starts pointing fingers, an
unpleasant atmosphere can quickly develop. This lowers morale, undermines trust, and is
ultimately unproductive.

Instead, encourage everyone in your group to think about the mistake in a constructive way.
What can you all do to fix what happened, and move forward together? And how can you
make sure that this mistake doesn't happen again?

5. Discourage Cliques

Sometimes, cliques can form within a team, often between team members who share
common interests or work tasks. However, these groups can – even inadvertently – make
others feel isolated. They can also undermine trust between group members.
Start an open discussion about this with your team members, and see what they think about
cliques and their effect on other group members. Only by addressing the issue openly can you
discourage this damaging behavior.

6. Discuss Trust Issues

If you manage an established team that has trust issues, it's essential to find out how these
problems originate, so that you can come up with a strategy for overcoming them.

Consider giving team members a questionnaire to fill out anonymously. Ask them about the
level of trust within the group, as well as why they think there's a lack of trust. Once you've
read the results, get everyone together to talk about these issues (but make sure that you
respect the anonymity of the survey!)

1. Be Honest

The first step in building trust is to be honest.

 Tell the truth. Even small lies and twisted truths are still lies.  
 Share honest information, even if it's to your disadvantage.   
 Don't steal -- on expense reports, from the supply cabinet or your colleagues.

2. Use Good Judgment

The second step is to know what information to share, when to share it and when not to share
it.

 Protect employee's personal information and company or competitors' proprietary

information as if it were your own.  
 Think twice before sharing a blunt, unsolicited judgment. Extreme honesty may hurt
the recipient, ironically destroying trust and the safe environment.  
 Don't expect apologies to erase your wrongdoings. Apologies might earn a forgive,
but perhaps not a forget.  
 Avoid "just between us" secret conversations unless necessary to the benefit of the
company.

3. Be Consistent

The third step is to be consistent in words and behaviors. It's not enough to be trustworthy
only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

 Show up -- every day and on time -- and stay at least the required hours.  
 Do the work; meet or exceed the job description and company standards. 
 Do what you say you will do. Fulfill your promises.

4. Be Honest in Nonverbal Communications

Body language experts tell us that more than half of communications' impact is in nonverbal
communications. To increase trust through body language:
  Look others in the eye with comfortable and direct eye contact.  
 Exhibit open body language with: 1) open arms versus closed across the chest or
hands clasped together, 2) hands kept in sight (not behind you or in your pockets) and
open (not in a fist), and 3) legs uncrossed with feet flat on the floor, while seated.

5. Have a Mutually Beneficial Attitude

Blatant self-serving agendas may cast doubt on one's trustworthiness. In reality, everyone has
self-serving agendas, but it is the level of harm to others that determines the level of trust in
that person. To increase trust:

 Avoid me, me, me. Genuinely care about others and promote we, we, we.  
 Nurture mutually beneficial relationships with open communications.  
 Willingly accept information and constructive critique.

6. For the Leaders

Trusted leaders are sorely needed. Leaders should be able to:

 Ask the hard questions to build and protect the company.  

 Listen and consider others' ideas with an open mind.  
 Focus on issues and solutions rather than personalities.  
 Set the example, by being responsible and accountable.

 Here are seven ways leaders can develop trust:

1. Be Confident In Their Own Abilities

 A leader who is not confident in themselves or was promoted on reasons other than
merit will always be looking over their shoulders, always fearing they will be found
out or someone better will be looking to take their job. Such a leader will have a
difficult time trusting those under them and will not inspire trust among their staff.

2. Always Tell The Truth

 Leaders who are trusted tell the truth even when it is easier and more convenient to lie
or leave out embarrassing facts. They also come clean and “tell all” in situations
where there is little or no chance that the truth will be discovered. I remember
receiving an email from someone at a college apologizing for referring to my book
without my permission. Since there was no chance that I would have every discovered
this, this person’s actions spoke volumes about his honesty and integrity.

3. Do The Right Thing

 One of the easiest ways for a leader to lose trust is to do what is convenient and
beneficial for them rather than what is right. This sets up a culture where staff feels
justified to primarily look out for themselves rather than doing what is most beneficial
for the organization. Doing the right thing means doing the difficult thing even if it
 means taking a personal risk. Leaders who do this are held up as examples of integrity
for others to follow.
 4. Be Consistent With Their Message To Superiors And Staff

 A sure way to develop a culture of mistrust is for managers to be found saying one
thing to those in positions above them and one to their staff. This makes staff feel like
they are being used to make their manager look good and win them a promotion. It is
a not a good way to build motivation and trust in the workplace. Trust is developed
when staff is confident that their management will have a consistent message
regardless of the audience.
 5. Share Accurate Information In A Timely Manner

 In the absence of accurate and timely information, rumors spread. Often the rumors
paint a worse picture of the situation than would exist if the truth were told.
Withholding information gives staff the message that they are not to be trusted to
know the truth and therefore sets up a culture of suspicion and mistrust that rumors
will only feed and fuel.
 6. Communicate Vision And Values, And Abide By Them

 A sure way to lose trust in an organization is for management to be seen as having

one set of rules for themselves and another for their staff. If there is a value statement
that management has developed for the organization, they need to ensure that they
follow those values themselves before expecting that their staff will follow them.
 7. Treat Everyone Fairly And Give Credit Where Due

 One of the most common complaints in workplaces is favoritism and unfair treatment.
Treating everyone fairly and consistently and giving credit to those who deserve it is
one of the most difficult things for leaders to do. We all have our own biases and
certain people appeal to us more than others. One of the challenges of leadership is to
see beyond personal preferences and clearly see the value that each person brings to
the organization.

How the bonds of trust are broken

Children are inherently trusting when they are born. But they begin losing that natural trust
if they are repeatedly betrayed by people around them and are exposed to pain. This creates
self-doubt in their minds and can develop into a deep aversion to getting hurt. For many
people, a lack of trust is an avoidance of pain. When children go through these experiences
early on in life, it can leave an imprint in their minds which they carry forward into their
adulthood. It is this fractured trust which many people take into relationships.

However, lack of trust is not always a pre-existing condition. It can be actually created in the
relationship when one partner is not living true to their promises and demonstrating their trust
in the other partner through their actions. So when grappling with issues of trust in your
relationship, it is also important to determine whether your mistrust was a pre-existing
condition or something that developed in the relationship due to the actions of you or your
partner.
There are many other causes of mistrust in relationships such as addiction and money issues.
If your partner is not being transparent about their financial situation for example, then
mistrust can set in. The question you are likely to ask is: “What else are they hiding?” Once
you begin questioning your partner’s intentions and commitment, it can take significant
effort to save the relationship.

If you are grappling with trust issues in your relationships, here are some of the best tips that
you can use to build up the trust and put your relationship on a surer footing:

Better Communication
Communication is one of the most important factors in building trust between partners. Spend
more time communicating about your problems instead of sitting on them and brooding.
When it comes to communication, do it face to face. Don’t do it over emails or phone calls,
but instead make it more personal and direct.  Do not hold back when faced with relationship
issues. When you have something to tell your partner, make sure you do it. Open
communication in relationships opens the pathways for trust to develop on.

Have Some Empathy

Empathy is different to sympathy. It is one of the most important aspects when it comes to
building trust in your relationships. Have some empathy and try to understand where your
partner is coming from. Determine if the needs of your partner are being met and try to put
yourself in their shoes. Building a relationship is a leap of faith and it is therefore important
to approach issues in the relationship from the perspective of understanding. When you can
empathize with your partner, it will be possible for you to build the emotional connections
which will lead to increased trust in the relationship.

Foster some Growth in the Relationship

Growth is an important factor which powers trust in the relationship. Stagnant relationships
often gravitate quickly into situations of mistrust.  By creating various scenarios and
situations in your relationship where you can do new things and create new memories
together, it will not only give you more to talk about but it will be easier for you to predict the
behavior of your partner thus develop more trust.

Try something new, go camping or simply embark on something that is outside your comfort
zone.  Don’t hold back on doing something that will inspire, encourage development or
inflame your love and trust for each other, be it outside or even inside the bedroom.

Don’t Stress when the Boundaries of the Relationship are

Tested
This is really crucial in building trust in the relationship. You cannot expect it to be smooth-
sailing all the way.  Without going through all those rocky terrains, it will be impossible to
see how much strain the relationship can sustain before you reach your breaking point. That
isn’t to say that you should go out of your way to create jealously just to see how your partner
might react, just be aware that every relationship comes with its ups and downs, and that its
totally natural. In many cases, a relationship will meander through a rocky path at some point,
due to circumstances beyond your control. Life will create hard choices for you
personally that will test your tolerance levels. These situations are great for gauging one
another and will lead to a greater sense of understanding.

Do Not Keep Secrets

Trust needs openness. If you are planning on building a trusting relationship, you must plan
not to keep secrets and be open from the get-go with your partner.  Secrets erode
relationships extremely fast, so it’s important to be honest and upfront about issues that arise
together or individually. The best way to internalize these qualities is by assuming that all the
“secrets” that you know will eventually come out. Keeping a secret also requires energy to
keep it. When you keep secrets, you are simply overburdening yourself, which will become
apparent to your partner very quickly.

Learn to Say No
You don’t have to say yes to everything your partner proposes. If you do not like something,
simply say no. When you refuse to be subjugated and create a relationship based on equality,
it will be easier for both of you, going forward. Don’t pander to the whim of your partner just
to keep him/her happy, as it will set a precedent that will be a nightmare to maintain.

How to Build Trust

1. Be honest - if you tell the truth, your clients will trust you. Always be honest especially
when no one is looking.

2. Respect your client - treat your clients with the same respect you would show the
President of your country. Respect their time as well by never being late. If you need help
being on time, check out How to Always Be On Time.

3. Sincerely care - when you truly care about others, it is hard not to trust you.

4. Ask open-ended questions - learn more about your client and be interested in their
answers. Open-ended questions give your client the opportunity to tell you about themselves.
Ask more questions based on the answers that you get.

5. Don't be perfect - there is always something fishy about someone who seems to have
everything going for them. Don't waste your energy hiding your mistakes or weaknesses.
This sends a message that you're not hiding anything and that you want to build trust.

6. Don't look at your watch - we're all on a tight schedule but looking at your watch when
someone is talking is rude. If you must be wary of the time, ask for permission to look at your
watch.

7. Find the win-win - in negotiations, always look for the win-win outcome. Win-lose
outcomes are one-time only events. When both parties win, you strengthen the relationship.
8. Don't hedge your answers - be definitive when you can. When you hedge your answers,
you are giving yourself an "out". How can anyone trust you when you keep dodging
responsibility. Politicians are notorious for hedging their answers. How much do you trust
your politician?

9. Have your clients best interests in mind - clients know when you are looking out for
them and when you are looking out for yourself. It's hard to trust you when there is a conflict
of interests.

10. Don't show off - it puts people off and you come off like a self promoter interested in
your own success and not the success of others. This breeds resentment more than trust.

11. Ask others to endorse you - if you prove yourself trustworthy and you offer great
products and services, don't be afraid to ask your clients to recommend you. It's easier for
others to trust you if someone they already trust endorses you.

12. Paraphrase what was said - giving the information back to the client in your own words
is a great way to show you were listening and to demonstrate your understanding. People
trust others who take the time to listen.

13. Be transparent - I have issues trusting people or companies who are not fully
transparent. For example: companies that deliberately hide their prices for their products and
services.

14. Call your client - relationships get weaker if you don't nurture them. Call your clients on
a periodic basis, not only when you need to sell them something.

15. Take responsibility - when something goes wrong and it's your fault, take responsibility
right away and focus on the next steps. It's easier to trust someone who owns up to their
mistakes.

16. Take whatever is being said seriously - don't dismiss another person's problem as being
small or counter with the size of your own problems. Just listen. Whatever they are going
through is real and serious for them and you should treat it as such.

17. Add value - value is what people are willing to pay for. Keep doing great work that adds
value and others will reward you with trust.

18. Form a common enemy - when you focus on a common cause, it naturally builds trust
and rapport to deal with the issue.

19. Be poised - its hard to trust someone who gets emotional easily. Breathing helps.

20. Empathize - acknowledge the feelings behind what is being said and show empathy.
Your clients will trust you more when they feel that you understand them.

21. Make the client feel significant - this is a basic human need and if you fulfill it, people
will trust you. Always be sincere when making your clients feel important. They can tell if
you're faking it.
22. Be accessible - when people know they can get access to you, it builds trust because they
can hold you accountable. People who I can't reach always seem less trustworthy to me.

23. Look people in the eye - if you constantly shift your eyes, it makes people suspicious of
you.

24. Remove distractions - if you're meeting with clients, remove all distractions (turn off
phone, computer screen, etc.) and give them your undivided attention.

25. Have high self-esteem - be comfortable with who you are. Don't try so hard to impress, it
makes you look wishy-washy. Be careful about these other warning signs of low self-esteem.

26. Show commitment - when you show commitment, people trust you. Think of men who
propose (and actually get married), employees who sign employment contracts and people
who always show up when they say they will.

27. Say "I don't know" - admit that you don't know and say it upfront and direct. You'll get
a lot of credibility for that.

28. Deliver what you promise - Do what you say you are going to do. This is one of the best
ways to build trust.

29. Use a real picture - if you have an online presence, use a real picture of yourself. An
authentic picture lets me know that you're not afraid to put yourself out there and you're
willing to be responsible for what you write on your website and blog.

30. Be vulnerable - trust builds when you open up. Don't hide your human side, that's the side that
people connect to.

31. Volunteer information - don't wait until someone follows up to give information that is
important to them. Let them know as soon as you know.

32. Know your audience - make sure you use language that your client will understand. If
you're not talking to a technical person, don't use technical language.

33. Take time to explain - when your client is confused, be patient and take time to help
them understand. They'll appreciate you for it and reciprocate the next time you're confused.

34. Don't abuse privileges - as you gain more trust, you'll be given more privileges. Don't
abuse those privileges.

35. Don't fidget - be aware of your body movements. Minimize your leg shakes, body shifts
and hand fidgets. It's hard to trust someone who seems nervous or anxious.

36. Stay up-to-date - your clients' situation, preferences and needs change over time. It's up
to you to keep up-to-date through proactive communication. Don't wait for your clients to
update you.

37. Give proper feedback - if you want to build trust, you need to tell your client the truth
when they make mistakes. "Yes Men" are not very trustworthy
38. Don't name-drop - you might think this will help build your credibility but when you a
drop names, it's a turn off. It seems like you're using that person's name to compensate for
your abilities. For better results, have others endorse you (#16).

39. Stand up for your client - if you feel your client is being taken advantage of in any way,
stand up for them or at the very least, inform them of what's going on.

40. Make it personal - get out of the office and meet your clients face-to-face. You need to
get personal to build deep trust.

41. Give good advice - if your advice helps people, they'll trust you and your advice even
more.

42. Go ABCD - go Above and Beyond the Call of Duty. I didn't make the acronym up but
ABCD is a great strategy for building trust. Always look for ways to over deliver.

43. Don't hard sell - You may have the best product or service out there that everyone can
benefit from but no one likes to be sold to or feel forced to do things. Build a relationship,
educate and persuade, not badger. Check out Permission Marketing by Seth Godin
(affiliate) or my How to Sell with Integrity Series.

44. Share ideas - when you come across good ideas, share them with your clients. Share
ideas that demonstrate your deep understanding of your clients' needs.

45. Return calls quickly - if someone leaves a message, call them back as soon as you can.
This makes the other person feel important and makes them like and trust you more.

46. Be curious - ask questions and be genuinely interested to learn more. Resist taking over
the conversation or trying to immediately solve the problem or issue.

47. Keep secrets - if a client tells you something confidential, keep it to yourself unless it
violates your moral and ethical standards.

48. Don't over-explain - When you over-explain, you're trying to remove yourself from
being responsible. This is one of the best ways to lose someone's trust.

49. Show compassion - step into the other person's shoes. When something bad happens to
your clients, express your sympathies.

50. Value the relationship - show your client that you're in it for the long-term and
demonstrate that you value the relationship. This may mean taking the first step in a
compromise.

51. Ask for clarification - when asked a question, always clarify it before answering. Think
Columbo - "I may be a little slow here..."

52. Know your outcome - if your goal is to build trust, then your desire to help the client
should surpass your desire to be right or to win. Remember this next time you are trying to
prove how right you are at the expense of your relationship to the client.
53. Don't use a "fake" voice - some people I know use a "professional" voice that isn't their
own. Use your own voice. If you don't like how it sounds, get some voice lessons, they work.

54. Don't manipulate - it is possible to use the ideas on this list with the intention to
manipulate. Don't do it because it won't end well. It never does.

55. Don't lie - one small lie can destroy a mountain of trust.

56. Understand that your client is unique - every person in this world is unique and should
be treated as such. A one size fits all approach rarely works.

57. Don't finish other people's sentences - even if they are taking a long time at it, be
patient and let them say it.

58. Don't try too hard - when you are overly servile or deferential, it can be fairly annoying.
I find it hard to trust anyone who cannot think and act for themselves.

59. Never talk down to anyone - there is no situation where this is acceptable.

60. Be competent - always work to improve your skills. If you want to be trusted, you need
to be competent. This is especially important in a leadership role. Think back to any bosses
you've had that were incompetent. Did you trust them?

61. Say what you mean - if you think it's a bad idea, say so. When you build up a reputation
of saying what you mean, people don't have to second guess what you're trying to say. This
helps to increase your trustworthiness.

62. Focus on your similarities - highlight what you have in common with the other person.
We like people who are similar and we trust people whom we like.

63. Listen attentively - Replay for the other person something that shows you've listened
carefully. This is especially effective when you bring up and help someone with challenges
they've told you about in previous conversations where they don't expect you to remember.

64. Think abundance - adopt the belief that there is enough for everyone and you are not in
competition for limited resources. Actions that reflect this belief builds trust because you
become more collaborative with those around you and work to raise people up as opposed to
putting them down.

65. Send a birthday card - there is no better way to show that you care than to remember
someone's birthday and to get them a nice card. In this internet age, a handwritten card goes a
long way.

66. Give specific compliments - the more specific your compliment, the more sincere it
usually is. It shows that you took time to notice.

67. Start and end meetings on time - if you set up a meeting, make sure the agenda is clear
and that the meeting starts and more importantly, ends on time.

68. Be consistent - don't change your views on a whim. It makes people distrustful.
69. Read books related to emotional intelligence - How to Win Friends and Influence
People by Dale Carnegie and Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman are good places to
start.

70. Don't gossip - don't gossip about your clients, don't gossip about others to your clients.

71. Give freebies - if you sell a product or service, consider giving a free version of it. It
allows you to help those without resources to access your expertise. Make sure your freebies
are of high quality and valuable.

72. Remember names - there is nothing more interesting to us than our own names. Show
that you remember the other person's name. If you need help, check out How to Remember
Names Even If You Have Bad Memory.

73. Trust others first - people treat you the way you treat them. Give trust first if you want
to get trust.

74. Be comfortable with silence - don't feel obligated to fill in the silence. I know it can be
uncomfortable but let the other person think through their ideas and allow them to break the
silence first.

75. Be responsive - if someone is unable to reach you, make sure you respond within 24
hours with an acknowledgment or have a auto-reply message explaining the exact times when
you can be reached.

76. Have integrity - stick to your beliefs and values no matter what. Check out this article on
the Importance of Keeping Integrity in the Workplace.

77. Allow others to help you - sometimes we are so focused on giving that we do not allow
others to give to us. Doing this robs them of the joy of giving. Let others give.

78. Don't blame - when things go wrong, don't point fingers. Empower yourself by taking
responsibility and then determining what you're going to do next. Don't waste the present
thinking about the past that can't be changed. A person that doesn't blame quickly gains the
trust of others.

79. Be yourself - don't change who you are to please other people. It's tiring for everyone. If
you don't know how to be yourself, check out this article by Chris Guillebeau.

80. Express emotions - "just the facts" may be appropriate during an investigation but when
dealing with people, emotions add the human element which is key for building trust

81. Pay attention - be attentive to the body language to make sure it matches the meaning of
the spoken language.

82. Don't prejudge - listen with an open mind and take in what is being said without
coloring it with your own judgments.
83. Understand that the map is not the territory - our reality is only our perception of
reality. Understanding that everyone perceives the world differently allows us to be more
open-minded and accepting of ideas.

84. Don't interrupt - when you interrupt, you are telling everyone that what you have to say
is more important than what anyone else has to say.

85. Get testimonials - if you do great work, ask your clients to write testimonials for you.
These are the first things I read before buying anything. Never fake testimonials.

86. Don't be a know-it-all - you can't possibly know how to do everything and you don't
need to. Always be transparent about what you know and don't imply that you know more
that you actually do. Being human is a good thing.

87. Have passion - when I see someone who is motivated by their passion and not money,
status or power, I am more inclined to trust them. Perhaps it is the feeling that they are not
trying to take anything away from me but rather they are building something great.

88. Show loyalty - a person that demonstrates firm and constant support is usually a person
that other people want to trust.

89. Do your research - make an effort to understand your client. The more you get them, the
faster they'll think of you as an insider. Your goal is to be invited to the inner circle.

90. Give credit - the more credit you give to others, the more people will trust you. "There is
no limit to the good man can do if he doesn't care who gets the credit." - Judson B. Branch

91. Have an opinion - people who never take sides have trouble building trust because they
are not willing to take a stand.

92. Don't expect anything in return - help people and don't expect anything in return. You'll
be happier for it and giving is always better than receiving.

93. Uphold accountability - trust is not about letting things slide. It's about doing what is
best for your client.

94. Never exaggerate - it's tempting to play up the benefits about your products and services
but exaggerations never end well. Any form of "truth stretching" is a bad idea if you want to
build trust.

95. Make things right - when you make a mistake, in addition to learning from it, you
should make it right in some way. At Pret-a-Manger, when they got my order wrong, they
gave me my order for free along with a free cup of coffee. I now go twice as often.

96. Don't flatter - insincere compliments are one of the quickest ways to lose rapport and
trust with someone.

97. Trust yourself - you can't give what you don't have and you can't get what you don't give
(say that 5 times fast).
98. Be fair - treat people fairly. Like a good parent, don't play favorites. Reward and punish
accordingly.

99. Help their children - if you have clients who have children, find a way to help their kids.
You can give them advice, write a letter of recommendation or give them a job. Your deeds
will definitely not be forgotten and you'll find yourself being introduced as a friend of the
family.

100. Don't give up - just because someone doesn't trust you now, doesn't mean you can't
build it. If what you're doing is not working, try something else. You have 101 things you can
do.

101. Be enthusiastic - most people can't fake enthusiasm. When you are enthusiastic about
what you do, people are more likely to trust you.

Here is bonus tip:

102. Lead by example - walk your talk.

Before we look at the different ways you can build trust, let's look at the benefits of trust:

You become influential - people will seek you out for advice and follow your
recommendations without much persuading.

You get valuable information - your clients will open up to you when they trust you. They'll
give you valuable information and feedback.

You can serve your clients more effectively - with access to insider information (#2), you
can get to the root of the problem and really make a difference for your client.

You will get more business - people refer you when they trust you. This leads to high quality
leads. Would you refer someone you didn't trust?

You get less stressed - when your clients trust you, they give you the benefit of the doubt.
Whether you're running late for a meeting or hanging out late with friends, it's less stressful to
know that people will be understanding and forgiving.

You avoid bigger problems - with trust, your clients will communicate with you earlier on
and warn you of any issues they are seeing. With enough trust, your clients will go out of
their way to protect you.

You have more effective negotiations - research has shown that subjects who thought they
were collaborators struck better deals than subjects who thought they were competitors.
Surprise, surprise.
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

1. Honor Your Emotions

To develop self-trust, stop seeking the opinions of others and recognize the guidance within
you.

Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our sacred wisdom instead of looking outside
ourselves to provide inner peace.

We develop self-trust by honoring our emotions instead of hiding behind them. As you honor
your feelings, you develop trust in your capacity to deal with what arises.

Equally, we must distance ourselves from people who undermine our self-trust. Some people
push your pain buttons because it pleases them to see you suffer. Whilst they can help us to
identify our disowned parts, we are better to distance ourselves from them rather than become
embroiled in their deceitful ways.

Self-trust is developed by nurturing our innermost thoughts. Whilst we cannot control

external circumstances, we become curious to what is going on inside us instead of retaliate
in anger.

“As we learn to recognize and understand the body’s subtle sensations, and then act on
them, our self-trust will grow tremendously. To me it is rather amazing that the body has this
innate sense of the truth, as if the body is hardwired for it,” states psychotherapist John
Prendergast Ph.D.

The subtleties of the human body point to what is going on beneath the surface, so we
become attuned to the minor fluctuations and our true needs.

2. Follow the Inner Guidance

It’s vital we honor our commitment to ourselves, whether it be in the goals we set or pursuing
our dreams. To dishonor them diminishes our self-trust because we fail to follow through on
our plans.

Fostering self-trust involves developing a compassionate dialogue with ourselves. In times of

turmoil, we should cultivate compassionate thoughts rather than be ruled by the unfolding
drama. We plant the seed of equanimity and nurture it with kindness so it grows strong.

Self-trust arises when we make time to honor the child within us. This means devoting time
to be with ourselves, instead of declaring how busy we are, in the midst of craving emotional
compassion.

John Prendergast states, “As we learn to slow down, tune in to our inner guidance, and act
on it, our self-trust grows. We increasingly get the feel for when something resonates as
being true or false for us, in or out of accord. This sense of inner resonance becomes our
inner authority.”
Our inner authority is the pillar of a stable emotional life. We take the time to connect with
our emotional wellbeing and attend to any disturbances that show up.

3. Understand the Power of Silence

How do you recognize when you need time alone?

Whenever you notice internal unrest, it is a call to spend time in silence to examine the
emotions.

It is no surprise our lives are hectic. We are more likely to pay attention to external events
instead of meet our personal needs. We spend our waking life fixed on the world “out there”
instead of within. Yet, if we continue down this path we neglect our inner life, which
influences how we relate to the world.

A practice I mention in my upcoming book, Reconstructing the Past to Create a Remarkable

Future involves a simple question to see how we relate to the world.

“How am I doing?”

This simple question allows us to distinguish what is going on inside us, instead of dismissing
the emotional disturbances as unjustified.

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make
the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of
achievement.” — Golda Meir

Eckhart Tolle states that whenever emotional chaos is apparent, we invite an earlier Pain-
Body experience into the present moment. This is obvious when others trigger our Pain-
Body, such as being cut off in traffic or someone taking our line in the queue whilst
shopping.

If we don’t take the time to examine what is going on beneath the surface, we react instead of
interact with our core emotions.

“Most of us have not tried just sitting in and through a feeling experience. We have not
trusted ourselves enough to let our feelings take their full course. So we never find out that a
feeling is not so tough on us as we imagine it will be. We miss out on how much better we feel
when we let go instead of hold back. Nothing is so hard to handle as the fear of facing it,”
affirms author David Richo.

Building self-trust does not mean we will always say or do the right thing. Irrespective of our
words or actions, whatever arises is there to guide our personal evolution.

4. Develop Mindfulness

A well-known practice for developing self-trust is to be mindful of your body moments

before you react to external events. So, with someone taking your place in the shopping
queue, move into your body and note any tension or tightness. Become curious toward these
sensations and observe them non-judgmentally.
For example, you might be aware of a constricting sensation in your chest moments before
retaliating with the person who took your place in the queue at the supermarket.

Be with the emotion and simply notice it without an agenda. Silently repeat the phrase, “I’m
aware of you” or as Daniel Goleman suggests, label the emotion. So we affirm to ourselves,
anger or fear instead of act on it.

This simple action puts the brakes on deferring our emotions and draws our awareness to
what is going on inside us.

In this way we become aware and awake, instead of unconscious to the emotional drivers in
our life.

We develop self-trust by honoring every facet of our being irrespective of whether we

approve or disapprove of that part of us.

For example, those with a diminished self-esteem might criticize themselves for reacting
angrily to a situation. In contrast, those with an empowered self-esteem see it as an
opportunity to become inquisitive and a teaching point from which to grow.

5. Work On Heart-Centered Awareness

To develop self-trust is to listen to our heart’s guidance, rather than be dictated by the
incessant thoughts.

Our thoughts are saboteurs since they cannot be trusted. Given their volatility from moment
to moment, we cannot rely on them to make sense of our environment.

For example, at the end of a working day your thoughts are scattered, while mid-morning
after you’ve had a cup of coffee they’re less likely to be reactive.

However, the heart is not influenced by fluctuating mood changes. There is a stillness that
longs for you to connect with, even during your darkest hour. Practice moving your
awareness into your heart in the midst of the commotion and observe the silence.

Be with the sensations that arise and meet them with openness. You’ll soon realize the
habitual and stressful thoughts melt away, leaving a sea of expansiveness that permeates your
mind and body.

Self-trust is an invitation to develop a relationship with your core self. We learn to become
our own best friend and appreciate the interplay between our thoughts and emotions, instead
of remaining unconscious to them.

In doing so, we learn to trust the guidance from our deepest wisdom.

Ultimately, if we continue to place our trust in others’ opinions, we will disengage from our
sense of authority and diminish our self-confidence over time.
Part 1

Committing to Mutual Core Relationship Values

1.

Stay faithful. If a partner is not loyal, a relationship quickly becomes unworkable.

People do recover from an affair but usually need professional help to do it. Make a
commitment to be faithful and stick to it. If you’re not happy in the relationship, get
counseling and not a part-time lover.[2]

o If you’re faithful to someone, it means you’re faithful on all levels. This

means physically but also emotionally. Some people think it’s okay to
establish intimate bonds even though they may just be spending time with
another person and nothing else; but it’s really not. It will eventually cause
problems in your relationship.
o Be clear with appropriate boundaries as much as possible. What is appropriate
varies from culture to culture, and often with one's age. But it all comes down
to understanding what is respectful, clear, and comfortable to ask from a
romantic relationship.
 Dating a person once is not a committed relationship, for instance. If
asking a person out on a date, make sure that is clear; it can be
awkward if a woman is not entirely sure she is at a restaurant as a
friend or as a date.
 Be clear on if you see your sexual relationship is casual or more
serious. Some people are comfortable with "booty calls" and "friends
with benefits" type relationships. Others see sexual relations as a very
deeply emotional act done with someone committed to a relationship.
 There is a wide varieties of behaviors considered a "committed
relationship", from traditional marriage, to "live in boyfriend or
girlfriend" to more radical "open marriages" and polyamory. A person
seeking a traditional marriage may be disappointed if the partner is
looking for something else.
2.

Give your partner space and foster kindness. Trust builds in an atmosphere of
security and safety. The cycle of hurting each other, either verbally or physically, and
then rejecting the other person, creates a lot of fear which undermines trust. Also
 trying to control your partner’s every move is another type of mistrust, so make sure
you’re not possessively clinging on. That will only push him or her away. [3]

o If your significant other wants to spend time with their friends, try to be okay
with that. You can always talk about what’s acceptable behavior and what’s
not, though. For instance, if your partner says that he or she wants to go to a
dance club with friends and you’re not comfortable with it, then it’s something
that you need to talk about both in this instance and for the future so that it
doesn’t keep happening again and again.
3.

Love your partner without any ulterior motives. Both of you need to feel sure you
are loved for yourself and not for some other reason. That could be your family, your
money, your looks or even fear of being alone. Make sure you’re with your significant
other for the right reasons.[4]

4.

Make your relationship a top priority. It can be easy to take each other for granted
and neglect one another. Try not to give all of your energy and time to other people or
activities. Keep your priorities clear. If being in a relationship is important to you,
then make sure it stays at the top of your list.[5]

5.

Stay to the end. Misunderstandings, conflict and anger are going to occur. However,
make if safe for disagreements and the careful expression of anger to happen without
raising a fear of abandonment. You do this by never using the threat of walking out.[6]

Part 2

Establishing Trust on Your End

1.

Keep your routine. A lot of people believe that mixing things up all the time makes a
great relationship. In other words, he or she is always planning something new to
surprise the other. Although surprises are nice from time to time, stability and
uniformity are far more important in a relationship. Uniformity sounds boring, but
you need to be predictable to make things work in the long run. Predictability builds
trust.[7]

2.

Be reliable. Trust is just another way of saying you can rely on someone. You trust
your partner to do certain things no matter what at all times. This trust builds security
in a relationship. Make sure your partner can count on you.[8]

o If you say you’re going to be home by 5 p.m., then make sure you are or at
least let the other person know if something else comes up. The most
important factor here is consistency. If 4 out of 5 times, you never bother
calling and just come home as late as you want, then that’s a strong indicator
that your needs matter more to you than your partner. A happy, successful
relationship is when both parties make an effort at keeping up their end of the
bargain.
3.

Mean what you say. Your partner can read your face better than anyone else. If you
are lying or trying to hide some true feeling by not quite saying all that is on your
mind, he or she will be able to tell. The person might even think you’re cheating.
When the person knows he or she can trust whatever comes out of your mouth
without hesitation, then you are building an unshakable bond.[9]

4.
 4

Tell the truth. Don't keep anything hidden, nothing should be privileged from the
other. You have to know that sooner or later all things come to light, and the
consequences of not being completely truthful will kill the trust and ruin your
relationship.

5.

Share how you really feel. Too many people never let their partners know what they
need. Don't let your partner wonder, or try to guess what he or she should do for you.
It is essential this happens with both partners. If only one partner is being catered to
by the other, there is a chance one will feel smothered or the other might feel
neglected. Either scenario is not good.

6.

Say no sometimes. It’s okay to listen to your partner’s needs and try to fulfill them,
but sometimes it's just as valuable to say no. You can't do everything all the time, and
you will actually earn some respect when you refuse to do something once in a while.
Taking a stand, and imposing your own will can actually enhance the trust between
you.

Part 3

Fostering Trust in Your Significant Other

1.

1
 Have faith in your partner's capabilities. In other words, if you believe at all that
the person is not competent in some of the things he or she does, your trust will not be
solid. If this is the case, you need to be up front with him or her on the issues in an
honest and loving manner. This will allow you to work through this and keep the trust
with each other.

2.

Trust your partner. How can your partner trust you when you don't trust him or her?
Having trust takes two people, and without the other person building trust, too, it's
like a fish without water.

o This is where you have the opportunity to practice vulnerability. Trusting

another person often comes down to how you feel on the inside. In other
words, if you tend to be insecure about things, then this could fall over into
your relationship in a negative way. You have every reason to trust until the
person actually does something that shows you cannot.
3.

Give the benefit of the doubt. One indicator of trust issues is the tendency to think of
the worst case in every possible situation. Just because someone missed your phone
call doesn’t mean the person is cheating on you. When you trust your partner, it
means you give him or her the benefit of the doubt. Each person deserves a chance to
explain her or himself before coming to a conclusion. Only then can it be looked at
objectively.[10]

4.

Leave your partner’s phone alone. Do either one of you have passwords on your
phone? If so, it could be a sign that you have problems with trust. While privacy is
important, it doesn’t mean your phone should be protected like it’s Fort Knox. When
there’s real trust, the other person will respect your privacy even if he or she has
 access to your phone. But the bigger issue, however, is if you feel that the person
calling your significant other’s phone is a threat to your relationship, then there are
definite trust issues that need to be dealt with.

5.

Allow your partner free reign in life. Often, when there are trust issues, you want to
monitor everything the other person does and with whom. It’s easy to feel territorial
and feel threatened by everyone. However, trust is about having faith and allowing the
other person free reign. When you trust someone else, it also means you trust
yourself, which fosters healthier relationships in the long run.

Here Are 10 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship:

Earn It
Don’t assume trust exists and always be working to earn it. When we stop taking trust for
granted and make it a priority, we will be conscious of our actions and the perceptions of
those actions to our partner.

Keep Your Promises

It makes sense that we want to keep promises we make to our partner, but often the little
things get overlooked. Make keeping your promises about little things as important as
keeping your promises about the big things. Call when you are late, remember to pick up that
item from the grocery store and remember to pay the bills on time. While these things may
seem small, they go a long way towards building trust.

Keep Secrets
Do not keep secrets from each other, instead keep them for each other. Keep your personal
conversations at home. It is only right to talk about something once you hear your partner
bring the subject up in a conversation. Also realize, he might share information only with
certain people. It’s his story, so let him tell it and follow his lead.

Communicate Openly and In Person

Make it a rule that most communication, especially important subject matter, must happen in
person. The true meaning of a message can get lost via text, email and sometimes even on the
phone. Make sure you are both heard and understood by talking face to face.

Don’t Judge
You might not understand why something is important to your partner, but the fact that it is
important is all that matters. Before you can trust, you must respect each other and your
differences without judgment.

Become Vulnerable
Be real with your partner and that means sharing things that you often keep hidden. The
ultimate sign of trust is living your truth and by doing so your partner will be more
comfortable living theirs.

Be Forgiving
Trusting doesn’t mean mistakes won’t happen and when they do be forgiving. Holding on to
past transgressions will only erode the trust in the relationship. We should feel the ability to
make mistakes and so should our partners, without it being a constant source of contention.
Letting go of the hurt, accepting the apology and moving on builds a trust based on truth and
love.

Work on Your Personal Growth

We are better people and better in our relationships when we take the time to work on our
personal growth. It’s important in any relationship for the people in it to grow as a couple and
as individuals. It’s a focus on our personal growth that keeps the relationship solid and the
trust in each other growing.

Be Supportive
It is important in any relationship to be supportive of the other person. It is even more
important to show that support when we are in a stage of building trust. If one person in the
relationship doesn’t feel that they can take a risk, make mistakes or try new things without
support, the relationship will falter. On the other hand, being supportive in good times and
bad opens us up to living our truth knowing someone has our back.

Disagree in Private
A public forum is never a place to voice a disagreement. If what your partner is saying
doesn’t sit well with you, discuss it at home. Often disagreeing in front of other people can
shame or humiliate the other person. This kind of behavior will damage your lines of
communication and your trust factor. Waiting until you get home offers the benefit of
formulating your thoughts in a respectful way to encourage an honest and open discussion.

Rebuild Trust

Part 1

Taking Responsibility for your Actions

1.

Come clean. If you are the one who betrayed someone else, you need to come clean.
In interpersonal relationships, it’s especially important to tell the truth when you
would benefit from a lie.[3] If you have betrayed someone, coming clean at your own
expense tells the other person that their well-being is more important than your own.[4]
Denial will only make the other party's distrust run deeper, especially if the truth is
already clear.

o Admit all of your mistakes. Even if there are parts that you can keep hidden
without getting caught, you should still reveal them to the other person. Only
in admitting all your mistakes can you be forgiven for all of them.
2.

Expect an emotional reaction from the other person. Admitting that you betrayed
someone is not going to make things easier immediately. On the contrary, you can
expect an emotional outburst—yelling, crying, and so on—from the other person
when she hears you admit your betrayal. But remember, the best way to move on is by
putting it all into the open.

3.

Apologize. This one should be obvious, but unfortunately, sometimes it gets

overlooked. How you approach saying your apology will influence whether or not the
apology is accepted and you both can move on.[5]

o When apologizing, avoid justifying your actions.[6] Don’t claim that the
offended person misunderstood you (“you read that wrong”). Don’t deny their
hurt (“you didn’t even get hurt”). Don’t tell a sad tale (“I had a troubled
childhood”).
o The best way to accept responsibility is by recognizing the other person’s hurt,
saying what you should have done instead, and doing that behavior in the
future.[7]
o Let the person you betrayed know why you are apologizing. If they know that
you are apologizing out of guilt and shame, they are more likely to forgive
you. If they think that you are apologizing out of pity, they are less likely to
 forgive you. Pity, unlike guilt and shame, does not show an element of
personal responsibility of the offender. Pity also implies that the offender is
superior to the offended.[8]
4.

Forgive yourself. When you violate someone's trust, you may feel so regretful that
you have a hard time forgiving yourself for the violation. While a repentant heart is an
essential part of making up with the person you betrayed, you also need to accept and
learn to forgive yourself after you put the effort into making amends.

o Remember that no one is perfect. Whether your error in judgment was minor
or major, it goes to show that you are only human. Accept your failure, and try
to push forward into the future.
o By clinging to thoughts of past failure, you risk devaluing yourself. Once you
begin to have such thoughts, it could zap your motivation for self-
improvement.

Part 2

Moving Forward If You Betrayed Someone

1.

Make your life transparent for the other person. Everybody wants to control
personal information.[9] But, for a little while, you may need to forfeit a portion of
your privacy for the sake of the person trying to trust you again. By making your life
transparent, the other person will be able to confirm with their own eyes that you are
not in the midst of another betrayal.

o This is especially important in romantic relationships broken apart by

infidelity. Give your significant other complete, uncensored access to your
texts, phone logs, emails, and appointment book for a few weeks to months
after your betrayal. Let him or her know where you are and who you are with
whenever possible.
2.
 2

Let the other person vent.[10] Hard feelings are natural after any betrayal. The person
who feels betrayed will need to vent their emotions and thoughts to heal. It might be
unpleasant for you, but it is essential for the other person.

o One of the worst things you can do is attempt to get them to “shut up” while
expressing their anger. This action shows that you are not taking this person’s
feelings seriously.
o Let the other person vent at their own pace. Everyone goes about things in a
different way and in a different time period. Rushing the other person shows a
lack of consideration.
3.

Keep your word going forward. Actions speak louder than words. Trust between
two people means that you have to be dependable and consistent over a long period of
time.[11] You should make a promise to do better, but a promise or apology alone with
only restore trust short-term.[12] If you can’t be honest in the future, or cannot do all
that you promise to do, the person you betrayed will be unable to accept that you have
changed or that you are worthy of being trusted again.

o You should avoid making the same mistake at all costs.

4.

Stay patient. Understand that rebuilding trust takes time. Be patient with the other
person, but be persistent in your own efforts.

o Depending on the severity of your betrayal, building trust can take weeks,
months, or years.
o Never pressure the other person into showing you more trust.
o Understand that things may never be quite the same after your betrayal, but if
you show that you are a trustworthy person, some level of trust can usually be
revived.

Part 3
Getting Ready to Trust Someone Again

1.

Assess the situation. Before you can rebuild trust in someone after they betrayed you,
you should first ask yourself if the relationship is one you want to salvage. Ask
yourself:

o Is this the first time this person betrayed me?

o Will I really be able to trust this person again, even if they do everything
perfectly from now on?
o Am I able to forgive?
o Is the relationship I have with this person important enough to fight for?
o Is this a one-time mistake or a pattern of behavior?
2.

Consider the person's reaction to the situation. Do they seem genuinely sorry for
hurting you, or sorry that they got caught? Are they willing to listen to you and make
an effort to do better next time? Are they willing to accept blame?

o If they don't seem to truly regret hurting you, or aren't interested in making
things better, then this relationship probably isn't worth your time.
3.

Keep an eye out for continued deception. Continue to assess the situation as you
progress. After a few weeks to months, you should be able to notice signs of
trustworthiness in the person who betrayed you. Trying to determine whether
someone is lying is tricky business, but the following clues might signal deception:[13]

o People who are lying take longer to respond, and say less when they do.
 o A liar tells more far-fetched stories and use fewer details. They are also less
direct, have more pauses, and use fewer gestures.
o Liars are less likely than those telling the truth to correct themselves.
o People who lie are more tense. This make their voices sound higher, and they
are more likely to fidget.
4.

Express your feelings. Let the person who betrayed you know just how deeply you
were hurt by their actions. Most importantly, tell your betrayer exactly what it was
that hurt you. Tell them what you need so that you will start trusting that person again.

Part 4

Moving Forward if Someone Betrayed You

1.

Try to let go of your anger. Once you let out your anger, let it go. After you have
discussed the betrayal, you need to let it stay in the past. Even if you feel sad or angry
now, you won’t feel this way forever. Don’t bring it up in future arguments,
especially if the other person has shown an effort to make amends for the action.

o If you still notice that you are holding onto your negative feelings, think about
why you are having trouble letting go. Is it because your partner is still
behaving in a way that betrays your trust? Or is it because of your personal
issues related to your own past history?
2.

Adjust your expectations. Even if someone never wants to hurt you, no one will be
able to give you exactly what you need, 100 percent of the time. Once you understand
that you should not expect perfection, you can get a better idea of how much trust you
actually can put in the other person. [14]

o The goal is to be realistic, not to let yourself get walked all over. Accept that
everyone can slip up here and there. However, don’t ever let anyone get away
with hurting you intentionally or with intentional neglect.

Give and receive love. You need to be willing to accept and love the person who
betrayed you, and you also need to accept the love that person gives you in return.
When your betrayer tries to express affection, accept that the acts of affection are the
real thing. Try to accept an action that seems honest.