Institute of Foreign Language Writing Skills 201

Department of English Name: Tung Sereivuth

Outlining
Topic: Television at its worst
Topic sentence: Television has so many entertainment channels that can distract children for
hours.
Main point:
Children not going out.
Children can eat in front of TV which lead to bad things.
Children don’t make new friends.
Children can become less in communication.
Children would perform stunt like what they see in the TV screen.
Conclusion: Televisions are evolving day by day; it has included more programs which are
not suitable for children to watch.
Institute of Foreign Language Writing Skills 201
Department of English Name: Tung Sereivuth

First draft
Mr. Stevenson has just come home from a terribly tiring day at work. The first thing
he does, after taking off his tie and shoes, is plop down on the couch and turn on the
television. Does this sound like a normal routine? It should, because Mr. Stevenson’s actions
are repeated by millions around the world. People use television to relax and to forget about
their daily troubles. However, what started out decades ago as an exciting, new type of
family entertainment is currently being blamed for serious problems, especially in children.
Many researchers now claim that too much television is not good for kids. They have a
point; watching too much TV often does have negative effects on children and adolescents.
Television has so many entertainment channels that can keep children sitting in front
of television for hours. First, they would just ignore the activity outside, because of the
entertain on the TVs. They just want to stay inside and watch TVs, and it’s not good for kids.
The outside activities are essential for kids, because the activity supports them to make their
body stronger and healthy. Not only ignore outside activities, but sometimes when it’s dinner
time or time to eat, they will eat in front of the TV, making their food not digest properly,
which lead to being overweight. For example, if the parents are too busy and let child at
home with babysitter, children will spend all day long in front of TVs, watching entertaining
things, eating in front of TV, and lay down on the couch and still watching the programs. As
a result, they will get lower score, and overweight. Secondly, children will not visit or play
in the park; when they leave school, they would just rush home and watch TVs. For children,
playing in the park is really important thing to do, because there are many children who will
visit the park, so they can talk or play with each other, and make new friends.
Another problem with TV watching and kids is that children may have difficulty
distinguishing between what is real and what is not. Children might become less
communication. Usually, when watching TV, they do not talk with each other, they just
concentrate on screen. In childhood, less communication is a big problem for kids, because
they can become an anti-social person in the future.
Finally, television may lead children to dangerous. Some children want to perform
stun like what they see in the TV screen. It can also lead to reduce social interaction. For
example, some children prefer stay at home, in front of the TV than go out with family or
spend time with their neighbor. Televisions are evolving day by day; it has included more
programs that are not suitable for children to watch. If the parents are careless it will harm
the children future.
Institute of Foreign Language Writing Skills 201
Department of English Name: Tung Sereivuth

Peer editing
Writer: Tung Sereivuth Date: 09. December. 2020
Peer editor: Lim Koung
Topic: Television at Its Worst
1. What kind of essay will this be, cause or effect? _Cause___ Can you tell this from the
thesis statement? ____ If not, what change can you suggest to make he purpose of the
essay clearer?
→ Watching too much TV can affect you mentally, physically, and can lead more violent
behavior
2. Read the topic sentence for each body paragraph. Is it related to the thesis? If not,
mark the topic sentences that need more work.
→ The topic sentence is related to the thesis. It is already strong and interesting, so we
can easily understand the essay.
3. Do the supporting details relate to the topic sentences? _______ If not, which
paragraph(s) need to be developed further? ______
→ Supporting details does relate to the topic sentence.

4. The best part of the outline is

5. Questions I still have about this outline are

Final Draft
Mr. Stevenson has just come home from a terribly tiring day at work. The first thing he does,
after taking off his tie and shoes, is plop down on the couch and turn on the television. Does
this sound like a normal routine? It should, because Mr. Stevenson’s actions are repeated by
millions around the world. People use television to relax and to forget about their daily
troubles. However, what started out decades ago as an exciting, new type of family
entertainment is currently being blamed for serious problems, especially in children. Many
researchers now claim that too much television is not good for kids. They have a point;
watching too much TV often does have negative effects on children and adolescents.
Television has so many entertainment channels that can keep children sitting in front
of television for hours. First, they would just ignore the activity outside, because of the
entertain on the TVs. They just want to stay inside and watch TVs, and it’s not good for kids.
The outside activities are essential for kids, because the activity supports them to make their
body stronger and healthy. Not only ignore outside activities, but sometimes when it’s dinner
time or time to eat, they will eat in front of the TV, making their food not digest properly,
which lead to being overweight. For example, if the parents are too busy and let child at
home with babysitter, children will spend all day long in front of TVs, watching entertaining
things, eating in front of TV, and lay down on the couch and still watching the programs. As
a result, they will get lower score, and overweight. Secondly, children will not visit or play
in the park; when they leave school, they would just rush home and watch TVs. For children,
playing in the park is really important thing to do, because there are many children who will
visit the park, so they can talk or play with each other, and make new friends.
Another problem with TV watching and kids is that children may have difficulty
distinguishing between what is real and what is not. Children might become less
communication. Usually, when watching TV, they do not talk with each other, they just
concentrate on screen. In childhood, less communication is a big problem for kids, because
they can become an anti-social person in the future.
Finally, television may lead children to dangerous. Some children want to perform
stun like what they see in the TV screen. It can also lead to reduce social interaction. For
example, some children prefer stay at home, in front of the TV than go out with family or
spend time with their neighbor. Televisions are evolving day by day; it has included more
programs that are not suitable for children to watch. If the parents are careless it will harm
the children future.