What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling of fear or imminent disaster and is a normal emotional response to danger. What makes
one person anxious may not create the same response in someone else. Things like breaking up, concern about exams, or a
fight with a friend may cause you to feel anxious, worried or scared.

Everyone feels some anxiety at different times during their life. It becomes a problem if you feel so anxious that it interferes
with your normal day-to-day activities. If this occurs it is important that you seek help. A local doctor or a clinical
psychologist are a good place to start if you are looking for help.

What are the symptoms of anxiety?

Anxiety can affect both your physical health and your mental health (behaviour and feelings). They can depend on a number
of factors. They may pass quickly or may stay for a long period of time. If you, or a friend has some or many of these
symptoms it may be worth talking to your doctor, a clinical psychologist or a counsellor about ways to reduce anxiety.

Some common ways that anxiety might affect your mental health (behaviour and feelings) include:

 Irritability or constantly being in a bad mood.

 Worried or a constant feeling that something bad is about to happen.
 Often ask many unnecessary questions and require constant reassurance.
 Being very well-behaved, e.g. never get into trouble at school or with friends (though not neccessarily at home).
 Get upset when a mistake is made or if there is a change of routine, for example: game day for sports,
a substitute teacher, unexpected visitors, or a trip to an unfamiliar place.
 Being a loner, or hanging out with a small group of group of people (who are often younger or older).
 Being a perfectionist, taking a long time to complete homework because you try to have it absolutely correct.
 Being argumentative (but not usually aggressive), especially when trying to avoid a feared situation.
 Being pessimistic and easily able to identify what may go wrong in any given situation.
 Not answering questions and rarely volunteering comments or information at school or uni.

Some common ways that anxiety might affect your physical health include:

 Dry mouth and/or difficulty swallowing

 Nightmares
 Difficulty getting to and staying asleep
 Difficulty concentrating
 Muscle tension and headaches
 Rapid heart rate and breathing
 Sweating
 Trembling
 Diarrhea
 Flare-up of another health problem or illness (e.g. dermatitis, asthma)
 Sexual problems, such as not being having any sexual feelings or being intersted in sex

What can I do if I am feeling anxious?

Changing your lifestyle

There are many things that you can do to decrease anxiety in your life. Look at the things that are causing you stress and, if
possible, change your lifestyle to avoid or confront those things.

Eating and exercise

When people feel anxious they often neglect themselves. Ensuring that you are eating healthy foods and regular meals as
well as getting regular exercise will improve your overall health and wellbeing 

Relaxation<RELAXATION< b>

There are many ways to help you relax. Check out the fact sheet on relaxation or some of the many self-help books on the
topic. Some ideas may be going for a walk, doing a class like yoga or Tai Chi, learning to meditate or playing footy with a
friend. You may also want to check out the two relaxation podcasts on the right side of this page.

Talking

Bottling things up is likely to keep your anxiety levels high. If possible, talk to a friend about the things that are making you
feel anxious and see if they can be resolved.

Scream it Dream it
 Anxiety Disorders - Types, Causes, and
Symptoms

Anxiety versus Anxiety Disorders

Everyone gets anxious from time to time. Anxiety can help you to stay safe, for example it brings about physiological symptoms that
warn you to either fight, flight or freeze in dangerous situations, such as running away from a poisonous snake. Anxiety also helps you
perform better, for example feeling anxious before an exam can assist you to stay alert, which helps you to do your best. So it is not
uncommon to feel anxious before exams or when there are stressful events in your life. For more info, check out the Anxiety Fact
Sheet.

If this anxiety is interfering with many areas of your day to day life, such as schoolwork, relationships and how you socialize with
people, it is possible that you have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders can make you feel very anxious a lot of the time and this
anxiousness can last over a long period of time and can happen in a lot of situations.

Eleven percent of people in Australia have an anxiety disorder and it is currently the most common mental health problem in Australia.
So if you have an anxiety disorder you are definitely not alone. 

What Causes Anxiety and Anxiety Disorders?

Anxiety can be part your genetic and biochemical make up, as well as part of your personality. There are many things that can trigger
anxiety such as your environment, stressful situations like school exams and/or problems within the family or a trauma.

Some the causes of an anxiety disorder might be:

• Genetics, or a history of anxiety within your family 

• Biochemical - an imbalance of the chemicals in the brain that regulate feelings and physical reactions can alter your thoughts,
emotions or behaviour, and result in anxiety.
• A Stressful Event or chain of events such as a family break-up, abuse, ongoing bullying at school, sexual abuse, a death, a
relationship break up, family conflict
• Personality Style - Certain personality types are more at risk of anxiety than others.

Symptoms
Symptoms can vary depending on each different anxiety disorder. For more information, follow the relevant link next to the anxiety
disorder you want to know more about.

Types of Anxiety Disorders

There are many different types of anxiety disorders, each with their own symptoms and treatments. Here is a list of the main ones:

General Anxiety is an extreme and uncontrollable anxiety and worry expectation that is not specific to any one thing. Check out this
fact sheet for more info. 

Social Anxiety / Social Phobia involves a fear of social or performance situations (such as meeting new people) in which an
individual may be embarrassed. People with social anxiety commonly avoid social situations. Check out this fact sheet for more info.

Agoraphobia is anxiety about being in places or situations from which escape might be difficult or embarrassing if an individual has a
panic attack. It usually leads to avoidance of certain places and situations.

Claustrophobia involves the fear of enclosed or confined spaces. People with claustrophobia may experience panic attacks, or fear of
having a panic attack, in situations such as being in lifts, trains or small confined spaces.

Insomnia is the chronic inability to sleep normally, as evidenced by difficulty in falling asleep, frequent waking during the night
and/or early morning waking with attendant difficulty in falling back to sleep. Check out this fact sheet for more info.

Panic Disorder also known as panic attacks are when you have regular panic attacks. Some people may develop agoraphobia as a
result of the panic attacks. Check out this fact sheet for more info.

Specific Phobias involve intense and ongoing fear of particular objects or situations. If you see the object they are afraid of or is in a
situation that scares them, they may have a panic attack. Usually the object or situation is avoided.

Hypochondria refers to an extreme concern or worry about having a serious illness. People with hypochondria have a constant
fixation with their body and self-examining and self-diagnosing.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) involves unwanted thoughts and impulses (obsessions) and repetitive, routine behaviours
(compulsions). Check out this fact sheet for more info.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder triggered by a major traumatic event, such as rape or a traumatic
accident. It is marked by upsetting memories, "blunting" of emotions, and difficulties sleeping. Check out this fact sheet for more info.
Getting Help for an Anxiety Disorder
There are a number of things you can do to help you manage an anxiety disorder. Follow the link related to the specific anxiety
disorder to get more information on specific treatments.

You can also look at the Anxiety Disorder Alliance website for more information.

Treatments
There are a number of treatments for the different anxiety disorders. It might be a good idea to research the disorder relevant to you
then arrange to see your doctor. They should be able to tell you about the different treatment options available and let you know what
the best approach is for you. Check out the links for more info on specific disorders.

Try to remember that managing your anxiety disorder may take time and there may be good days and not so good ones. Dealing with
your anxiety disorder is possible.
Relaxation

Relaxation can help Put Things in Perspective

Relaxation is important. Everyone needs some time out to themselves to do something they enjoy. It is easy to forget to
make time for yourself when things get stressful. Sometimes we are just so pre-occupied that days can go by without doing
anything for ourselves.

Many forms of relaxation, like walking or sitting quietly, are very simple and easy to do. Others, like yoga or meditation,
require some training or discipline. Going fishing or playing sport can be a great way of relaxing. You might want to write a
list of other things you find relaxing.

Read through this list of suggestions. Put aside some time in the day and try some out to see which ones you find relaxing.

 Go for a walk. Take time to notice the things around you.

 Listen to some music you really like.
 Go fishing
 Sit quietly in a park and look at the things around you.
 Play your favourite sport.
 Take a bath. Lie back, shut out everything else and relax. 
 Go to a movie or watch a video.
 Visit a friend.
 Go for a swim.
 Do a puzzle.
 Read a book.
 Learn yoga or meditation.

Breathing Techniques
When you are anxious, your breathing can be quick and shallow, which reduces the amount of oxygen going to your organs.
Learning how breathe efficiently can help reduce some of the physiological symptoms of anxiety.

To become aware of your breathing place one hand on your upper chest and one on your stomach. Take a breath and let your
stomach swell forwards as you breathe in, and fall back gently as you breathe out.

Try to get a steady rhythm going, take the same depth of breath each time. Your hand on your chest should have little or no
movement. Try and take the same depth of breath each time you breathe in.

When you feel comfortable with this technique, try to slow your breathing rate down by putting a short pause after you have
exhaled and before you breathe in again.

Initially, it may feel as though you are not getting enough air in, but with regular practice this slower rate will soon start to
feel comfortable.

It can help to imagine that you are blowing up a big balloon in your stomach when you breathe in, and then when you
breathe out that balloon will deflate. This exercise helps you to breathe more oxygen into your stomach rather than restricting
the amount of oxygen by breathing into your chest.

You can find out more about breathing exercises through learning Yoga, Pilates and Tai Chi.
Generalised Anxiety Disorder
 What is Generalised Anxiety Disorder?
Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is characterised by an uncontrollable and unrealistic worry about everyday situations
such as school, work, relationships or health. This worrying has to occur on the majority of days for at least six months for a
diagnosis of GAD.

This worry is uncontrollable and can be accompanied by at least three additional symptoms which include; feeling restless,
getting tired easily, difficulty concentrating, feeling cranky, tense muscles and disturbed sleep.

GAD may affect parts of your life and you might find you're not able to enjoy the things you normally would. It is possible
that you might also feel more likely to misuse alcohol and drugs as a way to escape or numb overwhelming feelings.

What are the Symptoms of Anxiety?

GAD can affect both your physical health and your mental health (behaviour and feelings). Symptoms can depend on a
number of factors. They may pass quickly or may stay for a long period of time. If you, or a friend has some or many of these
symptoms it may be worth talking to your doctor, a clinical psychologist or a counsellor about ways to treat GAD. 

Some common ways that GAD might affect your mental health (behaviour and feelings) include:

Mood Symptoms

• Feeling worried or scared

• Being cranky or being in a constant bad mood
• Feeling uneasy and on edge

Thinking Symptoms

• Worried or a constant feeling that something bad is about to happen

• Always wanting to be good, being very well-behaved, e.g. never get into trouble at school or with friends (though not
necessarily at home)
• Being pessimistic and easily able to identify what may go wrong in any given situation

Behaviour Symptoms

• Often asking many unnecessary questions and require constant reassurance

• Being a loner, or hanging out with a small group of group of people (who are often younger or older)
• Being a perfectionist, taking a long time to complete homework because you try to get it absolutely correct
• Being argumentative (but not usually aggressive), especially if trying to avoid a feared situation
• Not answering questions and rarely volunteer comments or information at school or uni
• Getting upset when a mistake is made or if there is a change of routine eg sports day, substitute teacher, unexpected
visitors or trip to an unfamiliar place

Physical Symptoms

• Dry mouth and/or difficulty swallowing

• Nightmares
• Difficulty getting to and staying asleep
• Difficulty concentrating
• Muscle tension and headaches
• Rapid heart rate and breathing
• Sweating
• Trembling
• Diarrhoea
• Flare-up of another health problem or illness (e.g. dermatitis, asthma)
• Sexual problems, such as not being having any sexual feelings or being interested in sex

What Causes GAD?

The causes of GAD are not fully known, however it is thought that GAD can be part your genetic and chemical make up, as
well as part of your personality. There are many things that might possibly trigger GAD such as your environment, stressful
situations like school exams and/or problems within the family or a trauma.

Some the causes of GAD might be:

• Genetics, or a history of anxiety within your family 

• Biochemical - an imbalance of the chemicals in the brain that regulate feelings and physical reactions can alter your
thoughts, emotions or behaviour, and result in anxiety. (MHA)
• A stressful event or chain of events such as a family break-up, abuse, ongoing bullying at school, sexual abuse, a death, a
relationship break up, family conflict
• Personality style - Certain personality types are more at risk of anxiety than others.

Getting Help to Manage GAD

There are a number of different treatments for GAD. A doctor, psychologist or other health professional can talk to you about
your symptoms, and discuss alternative ways of treating and coping with them. Check out the Finding Help section of the
site to find more about what these people do and how they can help.

Have a look at the Anxiety Disorders Alliance (ADA) website for some more information on GAD.

Try to remember that managing GAD may take time and there may be good days and not so good ones. But - dealing with
GAD is possible.

Psychological Treatment
Psychological Treatment provides either an alternative to medication or works alongside medication and is usually provided
by a mental health professional, such as a counsellor, psychiatrist or psychologist.

You may be able to find these health professionals through your GP, your local community health centre, or through colleges
of psychiatry and psychology. Some GPs and other allied health staff also do counselling. Check out the Finding Help section
for more info on what they do and on getting the best help.

There are a number of psychological treatments or therapies used for anxiety, including Psychotherapy and Counselling and
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which looks at your thoughts and behaviours and looks at ways of changing any
negative thought patterns. You can find more information about CBT in the Different Counselling Techniques fact sheet. 

Self-Help Groups are also available, and these can help to make you feel better, knowing and talking to others who are in
the same situation. Also check out our online forum (forum and ROC links).

Psychological therapies can help to prevent a recurrence of anxiety. Medication can be effective for short term usage during a
stressful time. There can be side effects with some of these medications, so talk to your doctor for more information.

Physical Treatment
Medication may be helpful in managing an anxiety disorder. There are several different types of medication, which are
prescribed by doctors or psychiatrists. Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI's) and anti-depressants increase the
amount of serotonin in the brain and can only be used on a short term basis. These medications can be addictive.

Tranquilizers can also be used to alleviate some of the physiological symptoms of anxiety although it can make you feel
sleepy and lacking in energy. They each work in different ways and have different applications. 

Like most medications there can be side-effects and some medications are better suited to adults than young people. It is
best to ask your doctor about what options you have, how the medication will affect you and how to take the medication
safely.

Medication can be an effective and immediate treatment for anxiety, as many of the symptoms are alleviated very quickly. It
has been found to be helpful as a short term treatment for anxiety. Many of the medications have side effects so it would be
good to ask your doctor for more information before taking these medications.

Self-Help & Alternative Therapies

Along with seeking treatment to manage your anxiety disorder there are a number of things you can do that may help when
you are feeling anxious. Alternative therapies can be good as a supplement to medication and/or therapy. Some of these
include:

Eating Well and Being Active - Even though you might not feel like it, exercising and eating well can help when you are
feeling down. Biological factors, as well as social factors influence how you feel and how you react to, and think about, things
and yourself.

Exercise helps stimulate hormones, such as endorphins, which help you feel better about yourself and your life. If you haven't
done a lot of exercise before, it might be a good idea to start doing something small a couple of times each week. For
example, a 15 minute walk or 2 or 3 laps of a pool.

Get Out Into Nature - Evidence shows that when you have some sort of contact with nature, such as pets, plants, gardens
or parks, your mood improves and you feel less stressed. Even just going for a walk in the park or at the beach may help. 

Write Down Your Feelings - Writing down your feelings, or keeping a journal, can be a great way of understanding your
feelings and a situation. It can also help you think about alternative solutions to problems. Become a Reach Out! member and
you will get your own secure journal that lives on Reach Out! Or, you can share what you're going through on the Reach
Out! Online Community forums.

Taking Time Out to Relax - It is a good idea to try and take a bit of each day to do something you enjoy. When you are
feeling down it may be hard to be social or motivate yourself to do things. It may help to make a list of all the things you
enjoy doing and then plan to do something from this list each day. Check out our Relaxation Fact Sheet for ideas on good
ways to relax and put things into perspective.

Breathing Exercises - When you are anxious, your breathing can be quick and shallow, which reduces the amount of
oxygen going to your organs. Learning how breathe efficiently can help reduce some of the physiological symptoms of
anxiety. Have a look at the Relaxation Fact Sheet for more information on breathing techniques.

Talking to Someone - Although it may seem hard, sharing how you feel and hanging out with someone you trust can help
you get through the hard times, see alternative ways of solving or thinking about a problem and help to take you to a
happier, better place. This might be a trusted adult, your school counsellor, or a counsellor. For more information about
seeing a counsellor for the first time, check out this fact sheet.

You can also share what you're going through on the Reach Out! Online Community forums.

If you are having difficulty speaking about what you're going through, you might start with sentences such as 'Right now, I'm
feeling...', 'I think it started when...', 'I've been feeling this for...', 'My sleep has been...', 'Lately school/work/uni has been...'.

Support Groups - As well as family and friends, support groups can be a place to share experiences and inspiration with
others going through similar times. Contact your local community health centre for details of support groups in your area.
Alternatively, there are many different support groups online, such as the Reach Out! Online Community forums.

Check out the Anxiety Disorders Alliance website for more details about local support groups, or contact Just Ask on 1300
13 11 14 9am-5pm, Monday - Friday.

Ring a Crisis Line - If you feel are having difficulty talking to people you know, it may be helpful to call a crisis line. Kids
Help Line (1800 55 1800 - free call) or Lifeline (13 11 14 - cost of local call) are both anonymous, 24hr help lines and the
number won't show up on your phone bill.

Set Small Goals - Sometimes people set goals which are almost unachievable and then feel worse when they cannot reach
them. Try to set goals that are achievable for you, even if it's on a day by day, or hour by hour, basis. And remember to
reward yourself too. Check out this fact sheet for more info.

Reducing Stress - It may be a good idea to try and reduce the level of stress you are feeling. You may like to check out the
Fact Sheet on Stress for some ideas on how to manage stress.

Go Easy on Alcohol and Drugs - try not to use alcohol and drugs in the hope of feeling better. The feeling is usually
temporary and the after effects often make the problem worse.

Give it Time - changes in behaviour don't happen overnight and it might take some time before all GAD symptoms go away.
It's a matter of taking baby steps, and getting the right support to get through this.

More Information
Other things on Reach Out! to check out are Reach Out! Central (ROC), a new interactive space, and the community
forum, where you can talk about stuff and find support on dealing with a range of issues
Loss and grief
Losing someone you care about is really hard, particularly if you have lost someone unexpectedly or through suicide. Different people
react in different ways. Some reactions include shock, disbelief, numbness, sadness, guilt, anger, or loneliness. They can also hit at
different times. Some people experience strong emotions quickly, while for others it takes time to sink in.

Grieving can take time, and the amount of time it takes will vary from person to person. If you have lost someone or have been
struggling with grief check out the fact sheets below. In them you will find some ideas on how to cope with different situations, whether
they be moving back into routines or dealing with anniversaries or special occasions. There are also links to other websites that may
help further.

After Someone has Died - Initial reactions

When someone close to you dies you may feel shock, disbelief, numbness, sadness, anger or loneliness. It may seem like
everything has been turned upside down. Everyone reacts differently and it is normal to experience many emotions. It is all
part of a grieving process. During this time it is important to take care of yourself.

Shock/Disbelief - It is normal to feel a sense of shock when someone close to you has died. Experiencing shock can mean
you have a physical and emotional reaction. You may feel dizzy, nauseous, dazed, numb or empty. As part of feeling shocked
you may not believe that the news is real.

Shock may also mean that you feel nothing when you hear of the loss. This is normal and over time you are likely to start to
feel different emotions. Shock is different for everyone and may last for a couple of days or weeks.

Shock may cause some people to react in an unusual way when they first hear the news of a death. It may be that some
people laugh hysterically. This is often a result of the shock and not necessarily because they find the situation funny.

It is a good idea to take it easy. If you feel like things are building up on top of you may want to see your local doctor. The
yellow pages or Just Ask (1300 13 11 14 - Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm) may help you find a doctor in your local area.

Numbness/Feeling Nothing - As a way of coping with the news of a loss your feelings may become numb. This may mean
you feel like you are dreaming, or the event seems unreal. Sometimes this can make it hard to cry or feel any sort of
sadness. Over time you are likely to start feeling emotions.

Grief - As the shock and numbness lessens you are likely to start grieving. Everybody grieves differently and there are
different things that may affect the way people grieve. Knowing these may help to understand yours and other people's
reactions to the loss. If someone's reaction is different to yours it does not necessarily mean they care any less. Some
reasons why people grieve differently may be:

 The type of relationship they had with the person.

 Other losses they have had may come back and be grieved again with the new loss.
 Gender - Males and females may have different ways of managing their grief. Males are more likely to feel
restrained and may need to show they are in control of their feelings. They are also more likely to be physically
active in their grief. It is not uncommon for men to sort out practical problems or to be focussing on getting stuff
done. Females are more likely to want to share their feelings with others. This may mean they talk about what is
happening or cry more openingly than males.
 Cultural background - Cultural groups express grief in different ways. The rituals and ceremonies, expressing
emotions and the rules around what is considered respectful may vary depending on your cultural background.
Crying and showing lots of emotion in public does not necessarily mean that someone is not coping with their grief,
instead it may be their way of managing their grief.
 Age - Children of different ages understand death differently. Younger children may not understand that the person
is not coming back.  Older children, on the other hand, understand that the person is not coming back, but may
not understand why. 

Some of the things you may experience after losing someone:

 Physical - Headaches, feeling tired, achy muscles and nausea.

 Emotional - Sadness, anger, disbelief, despair, guilt, loneliness.
 Mental - Forgetfulness, lack of concentration, confusion, and poor memory.
 Behavioural - Changes to sleeping patterns, dreams or nightmares, changes in appetite, not wanting to go out or
to be around too many people, experiencing emotional reactions that are out of the ordinary, and crying.
 Social - Some friends may avoid you because they do not know what to say or how to help you.
 Spiritual- Your beliefs may be challenged.

It is normal to grieve after you have lost someone. Everybody should be able to grieve in their own way and time. Sometimes
you may feel pressure to be strong for family or friends. It is important to be supportive of others however you shouldn't feel
like you have to bottle up what you feel. For more information about the stages of grief you may want to check out the
working through your grief fact sheet.

Unexpected Feelings and Reactions

It is not unusual for events in your everyday routine to trigger a strong emotional reaction, as they are often a reminder that
your friend or loved one is no longer with you. This may happen through something as simple as setting the table for a family
meal or being reminded of the person you lost by the words of a song. Over time these reactions may not be as regular or as
painful.
Things that May be Helpful while Grieving

Managing grief can be really hard. Below are some suggestions that may help you to get through this time.

Accepting your Feelings - There is no right or wrong way to feel after losing someone you care about. Accepting the
feelings you have and acknowledging you are going through a stressful experience may be helpful in managing your
reactions. Many people wrongly think the intensity of their feelings means they are going mad.

Allow Yourself to Cry - It is OK to cry. You don't have to be over your feelings in anyone else's time except your own. If
you feel uncomfortable about crying in front of people you may want to make a plan so you can leave and go to a safer place.
This may be:

 A quiet room
 The park
 School counsellor's office
 Your favourite spot

If you are in a classroom, it may be a good idea to let your teacher know of your plan at the beginning of class, then if it
happens the teacher will know what you are doing and that you are safe.

Take Time Out - Friends and relatives may have deep feelings of grief as well. The way they manage these feelings may be
different to you, which can mean that people's reactions to things are exaggerated. Things that would not usually stress
people out may do so. If you are having trouble coping with other friends or relatives it may be a good idea to take time out.
You may like to:

 Go for a walk
 Listen to music
 Hang out with friends
 Kick a footie

It's OK to Smile - After you have lost someone it may be helpful to talk about the memories and good times you have had
with that person. There are likely to be many happy memories and fun times. It is OK, to enjoy those memories and have a
laugh about the fun you have shared. This is not a sign that you miss the person any less.

Saying Goodbye is Important - Part of the grieving process is letting go of the person who has died. Saying goodbye to the
person helps you to do this. You may want to do this by:

 Writing a letter
 Going to the funeral
 Having your own memorial service

It is important to say goodbye in your own way and in your own time. There is no right or wrong way for doing this.

Avoid Bottling Stuff Up - Keeping things to yourself may mean that the tension builds up inside you. Finding a way to
express how you are feeling may help you to feel better. You may like to talk to someone, write your thoughts down, draw or
punch some pillows. Check out the Express Yourself fact sheet for more ideas about how to get stuff off your chest.

Have a Massage - Having a massage may be a nice way to help you release some of that tension that can build within you.

Talk to Someone - Talking to someone you trust about how you are feeling may be helpful. This may be a family member,
friend or youth worker. It may help to share your experiences with others who have had similar experiences. You may want
to contact National Association for Loss and Grief (NALAG) for more information about support groups. For their contact
details, check out the More Information section at the bottom of this fact sheet.

How do I Work Through my Grief?

You may wonder what you have to do to get through your grief. The grieving process is like a journey running from the
starting point of your bereavement to a new life. Your journey can be seen as a line on a map.

Grief Work

You will progress through your grief as you work through your feelings. Freud called this 'grief work'.

Grief Time

Allow yourself a fifteen to twenty minute grief period every day. Make sure you can be alone and have put on the answering
machine so you won't be disturbed. This time acts as a safety valve. In it you can deal with any emotions that you have
stored up.

You may wish to use different ways of grieving at these tmes: thinking, crying, praying, meditating, writing or drawing.

You may like to keep a diary. Write down your feelings, your grief and the memories of your loved one. You will then notice
how your grief changes over a period of weeks and months. This will be proof to you of your progress. Keep the diary in a
safe place; the memories you have written down about your loved one will be precious for you in the future.
Alternatively you may feel more comfortable with pictures or diagrams.

Many people find crying a relief. Rather than being an indication of weakness, tears are often a sign of strength and show that
you are prepared to work through your grief. Some people find it difficult to cry, and yearn for tears to release their grief.

Enlist Help

The process can seem long and lonely, so find someone whom you can confide in, for example, a relative or friend. If you
have difficulty finding someone suitable, your doctor or local community health centre may be able to help in this way, or
refer you on to a specialist grief counsellor. Some people find the experience of someone else who has been through a similar
situation invaluable. Your doctor or community health centre should be able to help you find a support group in your area.
Check out your local phone book for details of a doctor or community health centre in your area.

The Grief Journey

Initially

At first you may be overcome with shock and confusion. You may feel guilty. It may all seem like a bad dream. You may find
you can live only minute-by-minute, day-to-day. You may have had to deal with the police, coroner's officials and funeral
directors at a very private time of your life. You may have to communicate with your loved one's place of work or education,
and deal with questions from friends and neighbours. What should I tell them? Do I try to cover up the suicide?

After the Funeral....Unreality

After the funeral you may wonder why your grief gets worse instead of better. You may feel the separation from your loved
one becomes more painful after parting with the physical body. Your loved one may feel very distant from you.

You may be struggling with the unreality of the death every time you face a new situation which would have involved your
loved one. You may find yourself faced repeatedly with the pain that they will not return.

Three to Four Months

After about three or four months you may reach a low point in your grief as the reality that your loved one is not returning
sinks in fully. Many people find this very hard to accept. It takes some much longer than others. You may find yourself
fighting against it, crying out, and yearning and pining.

You may be frightened of losing the memories of your loved ones and temporarily be unable to visualise their face. You will
never lose those memories. They just become hidden for a while and will re-emerge later. You will hold on to them and they
will become very precious to you. This is one way your loved one will be with you now. Making the change towards that
acceptance can be very difficult.

You may be given constant subtle reminders of your loss. There are no telephone calls and no home-comings. You watch your
loved one's friends continuing with their normal lives. Support from family and friends may be diminishing as they have at
this point moved on through their grief and are getting on with their lives and expect you to do the same. You may be feeling
intensely lonely.

You are also probably becoming physically and emotionally exhausted. It is usual for the body's mechanisms which promote
the coping responses to become drained about this time. And, incredibly, most people expect you to be back on your feet by
now. This is a good time to visit your doctor. Your health can be assessed and you have an opportunity to discuss any further
help.

But Things Will Not Stay This Way

Survival

As the days pass you will experience your grief beginning to lift and it may surprise you that life can regain some normality.
You will experience good days and bad days; it will be quite normal for you to see-saw up and down between feelings of
coping and despair. As time goes on you will experience more peaks and fewer troughs and the troughs will become
progressively shallower.

Healing

In the early stages you may find it difficult to believe that your grief will lift and your journey will take an upward turn. The
intense pain and sadness which you are feeling will subside and the memory of your loved one will become more comfortable
in your mind. You will retain the happy memories. You will invest in life again and plan your future, although this may be a
different life from the one which you lived previously.

And Growth

You will discover new strength and courage within yourself that you did not know that you possessed. Just being able to
survive demands resourcefulness, determination and strength. As you wrestle to derive sense and purpose from your tragedy
and pain, you will discover you are growing and deepening as a person.

From the discoveries which you make during your grief journey, will come a new
sense of purpose and creativity in your life. Different people find this in different
ways: caring for others, accomplishing some task, perfecting some skill, having a
great sensitivity to nature or in developing their personal philosophy. You will have
changed and your life will have changed too. It takes time to accept the new you.

When Someone Takes Their Own Life

Help for Bereavement and Grief

Someone you love and cared for has taken their life. You may be feeling devastated. You may have feelings of shock,
disbelief, and horror. Why did they do it? Could I have prevented it?

All these and innumerable other emotions may overwhelm you, leaving you hurt, helpless, and confused. At times you may
even question whether you are going mad. You may wonder whether you or your family are the only people in the world
experiencing such trauma. All these thoughts are very normal.

You are not alone. Many people before you have faced the same crisis and survived.

Death through suicide may deeply affect not only the closest family and friends, but also brings pain to more distant
relatives and acquaintances, such as grandparents, cousins, friends, teachers, fellow workers, and counsellors.

Why Didn't I See it Coming?

You may be saying to yourself:

"I've known this person for so long. I should have seen it coming."

Changes in behaviour leading up to suicide are gradual. It is extremely difficult to identify them and to recognise at what
point they become significant.

Once a person has made up their mind to take their life, they seem to go to considerable lengths to conceal their distress
from those closest to them, because it is they who would be the most likely to discover and interrupt their plans.

Even doctors who specialise in this field have difficulty.

It is Possible to Survive!

Many people feel such intense emotional pain after the suicide of a loved one that they wonder whether they can survive. It
certainly is possible to survive.

You may find it hard to believe now, but your grief will not stay the same. It will change as you work through it and you will
come to feel more comfortable about your loss. If you so choose, you may grow as a person from the experience and
integrate what happened into your existence thus creating a more meaningful life for yourself and others. In effect, the
influence of your loved one will still live on.

Some Practical Points

What to Tell Others

Many people find it extremely difficult to tell others the truth about the cause of death. They are tempted to give other
reasons. This strategy may seem to ease the initial embarrassment; in the long run though, it adds to the stress by
committing them to further deception. When the truth eventually comes out there is the problem of explaining the original
deception.

You may have to provide a statement about your loved one's death to the place of education or work. This may benefit you by
helping you to inform a number of people at one time. It is best to give a simple statement: 'the death was caused by suicide'
without going into details.

What to Tell the Children

Children may in some way feel themselves to be responsible for the suicide and need a great deal of reassurance and love.
They usually know if the truth is withheld. They may learn facts from others and feel doubly rejected.

Children have the right to grieve, too. They need the opportunity to take part in all the formal ceremonies, even though they
may not be appearing to take it all in.

Adults frequently worry about telling children and young people that a loved one has taken their life. They are concerned that
this may appear to condone suicide as an acceptable way out of extreme difficulties. So the discussion needs to proceed
further, containing simple explanations that the loved one was sick and needed help but did not know how to ask.

Grasp this opportunity to discuss how and where your child or young adult could seek help if they were ever in need. Give
simple straightforward information. Tell them, too, that you feel sad or angry. Make it clear that it is OK to talk about feelings.
Give them lots of love and support