MIDTERM TEST – BUSINESS COMMUNICATION – AEP PROGRAM

Time: 45 minutes

TEST 01
PART 1: Organizational Patterns
Identify which organizational pattern you would use for the following messages: direct or
indirect. Why? 
1.  A letter from a theme park refusing the request of a visitor who wants free tickets. The
visitor was unhappy that he had to wait in line a very long time to ride a new thrill roller
coaster. 
2.  A letter refusing a request by a charitable organization to use your office equipment on
the weekend. 
3.  A memo from the manager denying an employee’s request for special parking privileges.
The employee works closely with the manager on many project. 
4.  An announcement to employees that a financial specialist has canceled a scheduled
lunch time talk and cannot reschedule.
5.  A letter to its customers from a bank revealing that one of its offices mislaid a CD
containing details including customer addresses, dates of birth, account numbers and the
value of investments. 

PART 2: SENTENCE REVISION

Please identify which sentence fault(s) these sentences have and revise them to be more
effective.

1. Although our last project bombed, we are confident that this one will fly.
2. An embarrassing mishap was caused because someone was misinterpreted the procedures
somehow.
3. Coca Cola hired a creative director PepsiCo tried a new bottle design.
4. Please do not hesitate to call me at 3677, Ext. 3 to ask for more details.
5. Skilled at social networking, the marketing contract was won by ReachOut.
6. The price of gas has reduced dramatically for the past quarter.
7. This course provides basic fundamentals for those who are going to seek a career in auditing.
8. This is to inform you that you may find lower airfares at our website. 
9. We have reached a conclusion that your contract will be renewed next week.
10. You can initiate your writing by deciding what you want to write about.

PART 2: MESSAGE COMPOSITION

As a vice president of a financial services company, you serve many clients, and they sometimes
ask your company to contribute to their favorite charities. You recently received a letter from
Elliana Larios asking for a substantial contribution to the National Court Appointed Special
Advocate (CASA) Association. On visits to your office, she has told you about its programs to
recruit, train, and support volunteers in their work with abused children. She herself is active in
your town as a CASA volunteer, helping neglected children find safe, permanent homes. She
told you that children with CASA volunteers are more likely to be adopted and are less likely to
reenter the child welfare system. 
You have a soft spot in your heart for children and especially for those who are mistreated. You
sincerely want to support CASA and its good work. But times are tough, and you can’t be as
generous as you have been in the past. Ms. Larios wrote a special letter to you asking you to
become a Key contributor, with a pledge of $2,000. 
YOUR TASK: Write a refusal message that maintains good relations with your client. Address
it to Ms. Elliana Larios, 8569 East 39th Street, Phoenix, AZ 85730. 

MIDTERM TEST – BUSINESS COMMUNICATION – AEP PROGRAM

Time: 45 minutes

TEST 02
PART 1: Organizational Patterns
Identify which organizational pattern you would use for the following messages: direct or
indirect. Why? 
1.   A form letter from an insurance company announcing new policy requirements that
many policy holders may resent. If policyholders do not indicate the plan they prefer, they
may lose their insurance coverage. 
2.  The last in a series of letters from a collection agency demanding payment of a long –
overdue account. The next step will be hiring an attorney/ lawyer. 
3.  A letter from a computer company refusing to authorize repair of a customer’s computer
on which the warranty expired six months ago. 
4.  A memo from an executive refusing a manager’s proposal to economize by purchasing
reconditioned computers. The executive and the manager both appreciate efficient,
straightforward messages. 
5.  A letter informing a company that the majority of the company’s equipment order will
not be available for six weeks. 

PART 2: SENTENCE REVISION

Please identify which sentence fault(s) these sentences have and revise them to be more
effective.

1. Angered by autodialed calls and texts, complaints deluged PayPal.

2. Concern was expressed by some workers about the difference between Big Data and Big
Brother.
3. Could you please perform an analysis of market shares of our competitors?
4. Could you please repeat again what has just been reported in the news?
5. Health concerns are not the only problem, soft drink makers are also facing a boom in
alternative beverages.
6. Human Resources is sending this announcement to let everyone know that your health
insurance benefit package has been updated.
7. My employment contract will terminate next month, and I am not sure if it will be renewed.
8. Someone will contact you as soon as possible. 
9. There is an aggregator that collects and organizes blogs. 
10. We are scheduled to meet in Tampa on January 5, we are meeting in Atlanta on the 15th of
March, and in Columbus on June 3. 

PART 2: MESSAGE COMPOSITION 

You saw an interesting article describing a Suitable Suits program at Barnard College. Its
College of Career Development kept a closet filled with 21 crisp black suits that students could
borrow for job interviews. Students made an appointment with the office and agreed to dry clean
the suits before returning them. At Barnard the program was paid for with a grant from a
prominent financial firm. You think that a Suitable Suits program is worth exploring with your
dean. 

YOUR TASK Write a persuasive message requesting an appointment with your dean to discuss
a Suitable Suits program at your school. You don’t have all the answers and you are not sure
how such a program would operate, but you think the idea is worth discussing. Can you convince
the dean to see you? Should you write an e-mail or a letter? 

Test 2
Part 1: 10 SENTENCES
1. MISPLACED MODIFIER/ DANGLING MODIFIER
Complaints deluged PayPal because customers were angered by autodialed calls and texts.
2. ACTIVE/PASSIVE
Some workers are concerned about the difference between Big Data and Big Brother.
3. NOUN HABIT
Could you please analyze market shares of our competitors?
4. REDUNDANCY
Could you please repeat what has just been reported in the news?
5. FRAGMENT RUNON
Health concerns are not the only problem. Soft drink makers are also facing a boom in
alternative beverages.
6. LONG LEAD-IN
Your health insurance benefit package has been updated.
7. FAMILIAR WORD
My employment contract will end next month, and I am not sure if it will be renewed.
8. VIGOROUS/PRECISE WORDS
Mary Thompson will contact you on April 20, 2020. 
9. FILLER
An aggregator collects and organizes blogs. 
10. PARALLELISM
We are scheduled to meet in Tampa on January 5, in Atlanta on March 15, and in Columbus on
June 3. 

PART 2

Current date

Dean John Smith

College of Business Administration
North Central College
111 Main Street
Anytown, MA 02106

Dear Dean Smith:

Our students are well trained, are smart, and have spotless résumés. However, they may not fare well on
the job market if they aren’t dressed properly.

Perhaps North Central could find a way to provide a Suitable Suits program similar to that at Barnard
College. Its Office of Career Development keeps a closet filled with 21 impeccable black suits that
students can borrow for job interviews. Being professionally dressed for a job interview can make all the
difference in the world to the confidence and success of the candidate.

Barnard’s program was funded by a grant from Goldman Sachs. I realize that we would not have such a
grant, but other possibilities can be explored for developing such a program. Perhaps local department
stores would be interested in helping create and support the program. Perhaps thrift stores could provide
appropriate garments. Perhaps graduates could contribute clothing or ideas for supporting the project. 

I don’t have all the answers, but I think it’s a topic that deserves investigation. May I see you during the
week of November 12 to discuss the possibility of developing a Suitable Suits program for North Central?
Please call me at (617) 455-9802 or send a message to me at <jlbrown@gmail.com>. 

Sincerely,
 
MIDTERM TEST – BUSINESS COMMUNICATION – AEP PROGRAM
Time: 45 minutes

TEST 03

PART 1: Organizational Patterns

Identify which organizational pattern you would use for the following messages: direct or
indirect. Why? 
1.  A letter from a theme park refusing the request of a visitor who wants free tickets. The
visitor was unhappy that he had to wait in line a very long time to ride a new thrill roller
coaster. 
2.  A letter refusing a request by a charitable organization to use your office equipment on
the weekend. 
3.  A memo from the manager denying an employee’s request for special parking privileges.
The employee works closely with the manager on many project. 
4.  An announcement to employees that a financial specialist has canceled a scheduled
lunch time talk and cannot reschedule.
5.  A letter to its customers from a bank revealing that one of its offices mislaid a CD
containing details including customer addresses, dates of birth, account numbers and the
value of investments. 

PART 2: SENTENCE REVISION

Please identify which sentence fault(s) these sentences have and revise them to be more
effective.
1. Consider looking for a job online, but also focus on networking. 
2. Hamburgers are definitely American for many reasons.
3. Our supervisor requested that team members return back to the office.
4. Recent graduates are seeking jobs that are stimulating and a challenge.
5. Some employees prefer their desktop computers; others prefer their tablets.
6. The recruiter interviewed candidates who had excellent computer skills in the morning. 
7. There are too many people dying while taking dangerous selfies.
8. We are pleased to announce that a training seminar for all new managers starts on June 1.
9.Working for an advertising agency requires you to think outside the box.
10. In the case of Twitter, it increased users but lost share value.

PART 2: MESSAGE COMPOSITION

As employee relations manager of Prudential Financial, one of your tasks is to promote Project
H.E.L.P. (Higher Education Learning Program), an on-the-job learning opportunity. Project
H.E.L.P. is a combined effort of major corporations and the Newark Unified School District.
You must recruit 12 employees who will volunteer as instructors for 50 or more students. The
students will spend four hours a week at the Prudential Newark facility earning an average of
five units of credit a semester.
This semester the students will be serving in the Claims, Word Processing, Corporate Media
Services, Marketing, Communications, Library, and Administrative Support departments. Your
task is to convince employees in these departments to volunteer. They will be expected to
supervise and instruct the students. In return, employees will receive two hours of release time
per week to work with the students. The program has been very successful thus far. School
officials, students, and employees alike express satisfaction with the experience and the
outcomes.
YOUR TASK Write a persuasive message with convincing appeals that will bring you 12
volunteers to work with Project H.E.L.P. Add any necessary information.
 
Test 1
Part 1: 10 SENTENCES
1. FRAGMENT RUNON
Some employees prefer their desktop computers while others prefer their tablets.
2. PARALLELISM
Recent graduates are seeking jobs that are stimulating and challenging.
3. MISPLACED MODIFIER/ DANGLING MODIFIER
In the morning, the recruiter interviewed candidates who had excellent computer skills. 
4. LONG LEAD-IN
A training seminar for all new managers starts on June 1.
5. FILLER
Too many people have died while taking dangerous selfies.
6. REDUNDANCY
Our supervisor requested that team members return to the office.
7. Vivid words
Hamburgers are definitely American because they are hot, fast and affordable.
8. LABEL
Consider looking for a job online, but most importantly focus on networking. 
9. POMPOUS INDIRECT LANGUAGE
Working for an advertising agency requires you to be creative.
10. EMPTY WORDS
Twitter increased users but lost share value.

PART 2

To: Staff <staff_list@prudential.com>

From: Your name <your_name@prudential.com>
Subject: Project H.E.L.P. 
    
Dear Staff Members:

Would you like to increase your commitment to your community and improve your job skills? Project
H.E.L.P. is an opportunity to train and encourage local students while also improving your own
supervisory and interpersonal skills.  

Project H.E.L.P. joins major corporations and their employees with the Newark Unified School District to
give young people on-the-job training. This semester 12 Prudential employees will share their expertise
with 600 students who need on-the-job experience. Students will serve in our Claims, Word Processing,
Corporate Media Services, Marketing, Communications, Library, and Administrative Support departments.
Company employees from those departments will supervise and instruct students for four hours per week
at the Prudential Newark facility. 
 
As you instruct, lead, and supervise students as a Project H.E.L.P. volunteer, you will gain the opportunity
to hone your own supervisory, speaking, and interpersonal skills. With two hours of release time per week
to work with students, you will be supported by the company as you improve your own skills. Most of all,
however, you will enjoy knowing that you have helped students gain real-world business experience. 

Prudential employees who have worked with Project H.E.L.P. know that being a Project H.E.L.P.
volunteer is satisfying and rewarding. If you would like to be a part of this worthwhile project, please reply
to this e-mail by August 6. 

Your name
[Full contact information]

MIDTERM TEST – BUSINESS COMMUNICATION – AEP PROGRAM

Time: 45 minutes

TEST 04
PART 1: Organizational Patterns
Identify which organizational pattern you would use for the following messages: direct or
indirect. Why? 
1.   A form letter from an insurance company announcing new policy requirements that
many policy holders may resent. If policyholders do not indicate the plan they prefer, they
may lose their insurance coverage. 
2.  The last in a series of letters from a collection agency demanding payment of a long –
overdue account. The next step will be hiring an attorney/ lawyer. 
3.  A letter from a computer company refusing to authorize repair of a customer’s computer
on which the warranty expired six months ago. 
4.  A memo from an executive refusing a manager’s proposal to economize by purchasing
reconditioned computers. The executive and the manager both appreciate efficient,
straightforward messages. 
5.  A letter informing a company that the majority of the company’s equipment order will
not be available for six weeks. 

PART 2: SENTENCE REVISION

Please identify which sentence fault(s) these sentences have and revise them to be more
effective

1. Explore the possibility of leasing a site, but also hire a consultant.

2. His research ideas are highly appreciated because of several reasons. 
3. It was a Facebook post that revealed the news. 
4. Scientists are working hard to make a discovery a vaccine to this quickly spread virus.
5. Student writing in our class is excellent in quality.
6. Susan made a presentation about workplace drug problems in our boardroom.
7. The NSF application for a grant requires this information: Proposed funds required for staff
salaries, how much we expect to spend on equipment, and what is the length of the project.
8. This month’s total sales came as an unexpected surprise.
9. We are pleased to announce that a training seminar for all new managers starts on June 1.
10. You will receive a Baby Doll Cry by Friday April 17th, 2020 in accordance with your
wishes.

PART 2: MESSAGE COMPOSITION

As the owner of La Boulangerie Bakery in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, you have a devoted clientele
savoring your delicacies. Your salty caramel cupcakes offer an irresistible salty-sweet flavor
combination using fleur crystals hand harvested from the pristine seas off Brittany, France.
These salt granules complement the sweet buttery caramel that flavors both the cake and
frosting. Although your cupcakes are a trendy hit, you also feature delicious cakes, squares,
cookies, croissants, and breads. Your bakery has a medium-sized storefront; however, most of
your business comes from supplying local restaurants and coffee shops with your tantalizing
treats. You own two trucks that make deliveries to customers throughout the Baton Rouge
metropolitan area. 
Although La Boulangerie is financially successful, rising costs have severely undercut your
profits over the past few months. You know that you are not the only business owner dealing
with rising prices. Many of your suppliers have raised their prices over the past year.
Specifically, the higher prices of wheat and sugar have resulted in a drastic increase in your
production costs. Previously, you did not charge for deliveries made to your wholesale clients.
However, you now feel that you have no choice but to add a delivery charge for each order to
cover your increased costs and the price of gas. 
YOUR TASK As the owner of La Boulangerie Bakery, write a message to your wholesale
clients in which you announce a $20 charge per delivery. Try to think of a special offer to soften
the blow. Address the first letter to Mr. Emil Broussard, Café Broussard, 2013 West Lee Drive,
Baton Rouge, LA 70820. 
 
Test 1
Part 1: 10 SENTENCES
1. MISPLACED MODIFIER/ DANGLING MODIFIER
Susan made a presentation in our boardroom about workplace drug problems.
2. FILLER
A Facebook post revealed the news. 
3. REDUNDANCY
This month’s total sales came as a surprise.
4. NOUN HABIT
Scientists are working hard to discover a vaccine to this quickly spread virus.
5. EMPTY WORDS
The proposal was finally approved on April 20, 2020.
6. Trite Phrases
You will receive a Baby Doll Cry by Friday April 17th, 2020 as you wish.
7. PARALLELISM
The NSF application for a grant requires this information: proposed funds required for staff
salaries, expected expenditure on equipment, and the length of the project.
8. LONG LEAD-IN
A training seminar for all new managers starts on June 1.
9. VIVID WORDS
His research ideas are highly appreciated because of its uniqueness, its usefulness and its
feasibility. 
10. LABEL
Explore the possibility of leasing a site, but most importantly hire a consultant.

PART 2

Current date

Mr. Emil Broussard

Café Broussard
2013 West Lee Drive
Baton Rouge, LA 70820

Dear Mr. Broussard:

We appreciate that you have been a loyal La Boulangerie customer since we opened our bakery almost
ten years ago. It has been a pleasure dealing with you and your staff at Café Broussard. 

To ensure that your customers receive only the best products, we import high-quality ingredients from
around the world. The increasing costs of wheat, sugar, and other ingredients have meant that many of
our suppliers have had to increase their prices. As a result, our production costs have grown over 20
percent in the last six months. 

As you know, we have been pleased to provide our valued clients with free delivery service since we
opened. Fluctuating gas prices combined with our increased production costs make it impossible for us to
maintain free delivery. Although a nominal delivery charge of $20 must be added to each order, this
ensures that you will receive the same personal attention and high-quality bakery goods that you have
enjoyed over the years. Because you have been a loyal and long-term customer, we invite you to take
advantage of a special offer. If you sign up for our preapproved delivery program by April 1, you will save
50 percent of the delivery charge for the next year. 

Please contact me at 225-422-7891 to arrange a convenient delivery schedule that would best suit your
needs. We look forward to supplying Café Broussard with delicious treats for years to come.
 
Sincerely, 

To: Mitchell Moraga <mitchell.moraga@media.com>

From: Eleanor Hutchinson ehutchinson@media.com
Subject: My Report
Cc:
Bcc:
Mitchell,
This is in response to your request that I attend the Workplace Issues and tell you about it. As
you know, I attended the Workplace Issues conference on November 3, as you suggested. The
topic was how to prevent workplace violence, and I found it very fascinating. Although we have
been fortunate to avoid serious incidents at our company, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Because I was the representative from our company and you asked for a report, here it is. Kit
Adkins was the presenter, and she made suggestions in three categories, which I will
summarize here.
Ms. Atkins cautioned organizations to prescreen job applicants. As a matter of fact, wise
companies do not offer employment until after a candidate’s background has been checked.
Just the mention of a background check is enough to make some candidates withdraw. These
candidates, of course, are the ones with something to hide.
A second suggestion was that companies should prepare a good employee handbook that
outlines what employees should do when they suspect potential workplace violence. This
handbook should include a way for informers to be anonymous.
A third recommendation had to do with recognizing red-flag behavior. This involves having
companies train managers to recognize signs of potential workplace violence. What are some of
the red flags? One sign is an increasing number of arguments (most of them petty) with
coworkers. Another sign is extreme changes in behavior or statements indicating depression
over family or financial problems. Another sign is bullying or harassing behavior. Bringing a
firearm to work or displaying an extreme fascination with firearms is another sign.
I think that the best recommendation is prescreening job candidates. This is because it is most
feasible. If you want me to do more research on prescreening techniques, do not hesitate to let
me know. Let me know by November 18 if you want me to make a report at our management
meeting, which is scheduled for December 3.
Ellie
 
Weakness:
- Unclarified subject
- Long Lead-in: “This is in response to your request that I attend the Workplace Issues and tell
you about it.”
- The intro was too long
- Flabby expression: As a matter of fact
- Numbering and bulleting lists for the suggestions
- Exuberance: very fascinating
- Long sentences: “A second suggestion was that companies should prepare a good employee
handbook that outlines what employees should do when they suspect potential workplace
violence.”
- Lack of full contact information at the closing,
 
Revise:
To: Mitchell Moraga <mitchell.moraga@media.com>
From: Eleanor Hutchinson ehutchinson@media.com
Subject: Workplace Issues Report
Cc:
Bcc:
Mitchell,
I attended the Workplace Issues conference about how to prevent workplace violence on
November 3. As you requested, I am summarizing some suggestions from the presenter, Kit
Adkins in three categories as below:
1. Prescreen job applicants. Wise companies do not offer employment until after a candidate’s
background has been checked. This will help us eliminate candidates with something to hide.
2. Prepare a handbook outlining instructions for employees when they suspect potential
workplace violence. This handbook should include a way for informers to be anonymous.
3. Recognize red-flag behavior. This involves having companies train managers to recognize
signs of potential workplace violence as following:
·         Increase number of arguments (most of them petty) with coworkers.
·         Extreme changes in behavior or statements indicating depression over family or financial
problems.
·         Bullying or harassing behavior.
·         Bring a firearm to work or display an extreme fascination with firearms.
Please let me know if you want me to do more research on prescreening techniques. Also, let
me know by November 18 if you want me to make a report at our management meeting, which
is scheduled for December 3.
Many thanks,
Ellie
Eleanor Hutchinson, Representative
Room 208
Office: 340-211-5893 / Call: 947562749

REVISION 2 – Business Communication

1. After leaving the midtown meeting, Angela’s car would not start.
Dangling modifier
…., Angela couldn’t start her car.
2. All requests for iPods and BlackBerrys were combined together in our proposal.
Redundancy
….. combined in our …
3. Although our last presentation bombed, beyond the shadow of a doubt our new
presentation will fly.
Pompous language
… presentation failed, our new one will succeed.
4. Are you aware of the fact that our budget has a deficit in the amount of approximately
$100,000?
Empty words
… aware that …. a deficit of approximately ….
5. As a general rule, we would not accept the return; however, we will in all probability
make an exception in this case.
Compound preposition
Generally, …., we will probably ….
6. As per your request, we will no longer send you e-mail offers.
Trite business phrase
At your request ….
7. Because of the surprising degree of response, the company expanded its free gift
program.
Empty words
Because of many responses,…
8. Because the proposals are exactly identical, we need not check each and every item.
Redundancy
…. are identical, … check every item.
9. By advertising extensively, all the open jobs were filled quickly.
Dangling modifier
Being advertised extensively, …
10. d. Enclosed please find a check in the amount of $700.
Trite business phrase + empty words
Enclosed is a check of ….
11. Despite the fact that we lost the contract, we must at this time move forward.
Compound preposition + redundancy
Althoug … move.
12. He scheduled the meeting for 11 a.m. in the morning.
Empty words
… 11 a.m.
13. I am writing this letter to inform you that your homeowner’s coverage expires soon.
Long lead-in
Your …
14. I have before me your proposal sent by FedEx, and I will distribute it immediately.
Empty words
I will distribute your proposal immediately.
15. If you will refer back to the budget, you will see that there are provisions that prevent
blowing the budget.
Filler
If…., that some provisions prevent overspending.
16. Inasmuch as prices are falling, we will invest in the very near future.
Compound preposition
Because prices …
17. It is the CEO who must approve the plan.
Filler
The CEO must …
18. Management made a recommendation affirming abandonment of the pilot project.
Noun habit
Management recommends abandoning …
19. Ms. Nelson gave an appraisal of the home’s value.
Noun habit
Ms. Nelson appraised the home’s value.
20. Our supervisor requested that team members return back to the office.
Redundancy
Our …. return to the office.
21. Our team must be willing to think outside the box in coming up with marketing ideas that
pop.
Pompous language
… willing to have creative marketing ideas.
22. Pursuant to your request, we are sending the original copies under separate cover.
Trite business phrase
At your request, …
23. Thank you in advance for considering our plea for community support.
Trite business phrase
Thank you for …
24. The board of directors will give consideration to the contract at its next meeting
Noun habit
…. will consider the contract …
25. The manager says that there are many employees who did not return the health surveys.
Filler
…that many employees did not …
26. The manager’s rules were to be observed by all staff members, no matter how silly they
seemed.
Misplaced modifier
No matter how silly they seemed, the manager’s ….
27. The office walls were painted beige in color.
Empty words
--- beige.
28. There are many businesses that are implementing strict e-mail policies.
Filler
Many businesses …
29. There are several Web pages you must update.
Filler
You must update several web pages.
30. This is to warn everyone that the loss of laptops endangers company security.
Long lead-in
The loss …
31. This memo is to notify everyone that we will observe Monday as a holiday.
Long lead-in
Monday is a holiday.
32. This message is to let you know that I received your e-mail and its attachments.
 Long lead-in
I received …
33. To apply for early admission, submit your application by November 1. 
NO MISTAKE
34. To complete the project on time, a new deadline was established by the team.
Dangling modifier
…., the team established a new deadline.
35. True to form, our competitor has made a snarky claim that we think is way below the
belt.
POMPOUS language
Our competitor has made an unfair claim.
36. Walking up the driveway, the Hummer parked in the garage was immediately spotted by
the detectives.
Dangling modifier
…., the detectives immediately spotted the Hummer parked in the garage.
37. We cannot fill the order until such time as payment is received for previous shipments.
Empty words
We…. until payment …
38. Web-based customer service causes a reduction in overall costs.
Noun habit
…. service reduces overall costs.