Communication Errors and Skills - Partners
Communication Errors and Skills - Partners
Communication Errors and Skills - Partners
Criticism Contempt
When criticizing: you say it is your partner you don’t Destructive to marriage = feeling disrespect, resentment
like “You did this, you always do this..” and hostility towards partner – discount the positive
Encourage complaint: describe behavior that you don’t Can be condescending humor
like: “I feel upset because, I noticed… I would like if we Cure = create appreciation within relationship
could…” Avoid using “always, never”
Defensiveness Stonewalling
Used when feeling attacked or treated unfairly When one person refuses to respond during argument or
Used with attempt to make situation better – but makes walks away to stop conflict = makes things worse
it worse Also done to avoid complaints = something bothers you
People say same thing over and over – saying “yes I but you decide not to say anything until it builds up
understand” can stop the argument Better to air complaints as they come up
Admit that you are wrong = take more responsibility in
relationship > 30% chance to be wrong
Think: “What have I done to contribute to this
argument?”
Speaker
1. Observation – describe situation objectively: “When I see clothes on the floor”
2. Express feelings: “I feel anxious”
3. Express needs: “Because my need for order is not met”
4. Express request: “ I would like if you helped me clean up the house”
Listener
- Reflecting: Paraphrase or reflect what partner said in own words
- Validation: “I could see how you could feel that way” – doesn’t mean you agree
- Empathy: “That sounds really frustrating – I’m sorry you feel so frustrated”
- Problem solving: “What would you like me to do about this?”