Group 6 - Rafi

BREAK
OUT
ROOM 6
Bernardo Raphael - 13112010018
Malvin - 13112010320
Rafi Athallah - 13112010213
Sharon Alessandra -
13112010029
HELLO!
Hope everyone's doing great.

6-20 REVISING...
The next time you write something, check your average
sentence length in a 100-word passage, and if your
Q sentences average more than 16 to 20 words, see
whether you can break up some of the sentences.
The next time you write something, check your average

sentence length. For every 100-word passage, if your
A
sentences average more than 16 to 20 words, see
whether you can break up some of the sentences
6-21 - 6-22
EDITING FOR
CONCISENESS
Q : A large volume of space
A : A large volume
Q : My antiquated PC is ineffectual
for solving sophisticated problems
A : My Pc is outdated and unable to

solve complex problems
6-23 - 6-25 EDITING
FOR CONCISENESS
Q : For living, i require money
A : I require money to live
Q : For the purpose of
A : In purpose of
Q : We are of the conviction that

writing is important
A : We convinced that writing is

important
6-26 EDITING FOR CONCISENESS
(UNECESSARY MODIFIERS)
My Ans: The new offices were designed modern by
professionals
Suggested Ans: The new offices were built using

contemporary design features specified by
experienced architects.
6-27 EDITING FOR CLARITY
(HEDGING)
My Ans: The situation might improve in the near
future.
Suggested Ans: Things will get better soon.

(INDEFINITE STARTERS)
My Ans: He was admitted to hospital after a heart
attack.
Suggested Ans: He was admitted to hospital after a

heart attack.

(PARALLELISM)
My Ans: Don is a hard worker, and knows the
financial reporting standards.
Suggested Ans: Don works hard and knows the

financial reporting standards.
(AWKWARD REFERENCES)
My Ans: The walnut desk is $300 more expensive than the oak
desk.
Suggested Ans: The walnut desk cost $300 more than the oak
desk.

(DANGLING MODIFIERS)
SA: a.Sandy took the whole afternoon to clean up her desk, which
was cluttered and filthy.
A: Sandy took the whole afternoon to clean up her desk because
she cluttered and filthy. .
(NOUN SEQUENCES)
SA:The focus of the meeting was a discussion of deregulation of
bank interest rates
A: The discussion of the meeting was focusing on the bank
interest rate deregulation issue .

(SENTENCE STRUCTURE)
SA: Trudy ran when she saw the bull pawing the ground.
A:Trudy ran when she saw the bull pawing the ground
(CAMOUFLAGED VERBS)
SA: a.The employees adapted easily to the new rules.

A: The employees are easy to adapt to the new rules.
.
6.20
A:
THE NEXT TIME YOU WRITE SOMETHING, CHECK YOUR AVERAGE SENTENCE LENGTH. FOR EVERY 100-WORD
PASSAGE, IF YOUR SENTENCES AVERAGE MORE THAN 16 TO 20 WORDS, SEE WHETHER YOU CAN BREAK UP
SOME OF THE SENTENCES
SA :
NEXT TIME YOU WRITE A 100-WORD PASSAGE, CHECK YOUR AVERAGE SENTENCE
LENGTH. IF YOUR SENTENCES AVERAGE MORE THAN 16 TO 20 WORDS, TRY TO BREAK UP
SOME OF THEM.
6.21
A: A LARGE OF SPACE
SA : A LARGE VOLUME
6.22
A: MY PC IS OUTDATED AND UNABLE TO SOLVE COMPLEX PROBLEMS
SA : MY OLD PC CAN’T SOLVE CHALLENGING PROBLEMS

6.23
A: I REQUIRE MONEY TO LIVE
SA : I NEED MONEY TO LIVE
6.24
A: IN PURPOSE OF
SA : FOR
6.25
A: WE CONVINCED THAT WRITING IS IMPORTANT
SA : WRITING IS IMPORTANT
6-19 Revising
for Readability (Sentence and Paragraph Length) [LO-2]
Although major league baseball remains popular, more people are attending minor league
baseball games because they can spend less on admission, snacks, and parking and still enjoy
the excitement of America’s pastime. Connecticut, for example, has three AA minor league
teams, including the New Haven Ravens, who are affiliated with the St. Louis Cardinals; the
Norwich Navigators, who are affiliated with the New York Yankees; and the New Britain Rock
Cats, who are affiliated with the Minnesota Twins. These teams play in relatively small stadiums,
so fans are close enough to see and hear everything, from the swing of the bat connecting with
the ball to the thud of the ball landing in the outfielder’s glove. Best of all, the cost of a family
outing to see rising stars play in a local minor league game is just a fraction of what the family
would spend to attend a major league game in a much larger, more crowded stadium.
THANK
YOU!

Group 6 - Rafi

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BREAK

Hope everyone's doing great.

The next time you write something, check your average

A : My Pc is outdated and unable to

A : I require money to live

Q : For the purpose of

Q : We are of the conviction that

A : We convinced that writing is

Suggested Ans: The new offices were built using

Suggested Ans: Things will get better soon.

Suggested Ans: He was admitted to hospital after a

6-29 EDITING FOR CLARITY

Suggested Ans: Don works hard and knows the

6-31 EDITING FOR CLARITY

6-33 EDITING FOR CLARITY

SA: a.The employees adapted easily to the new rules.

A: MY PC IS OUTDATED AND UNABLE TO SOLVE COMPLEX PROBLEMS

SA : MY OLD PC CAN’T SOLVE CHALLENGING PROBLEMS

A: I REQUIRE MONEY TO LIVE

SA : I NEED MONEY TO LIVE

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