Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Group 6 - Rafi
Group 6 - Rafi
OUT
ROOM 6
Bernardo Raphael - 13112010018
Malvin - 13112010320
Rafi Athallah - 13112010213
Sharon Alessandra -
13112010029
HELLO!
6-21 - 6-22
EDITING FOR
CONCISENESS
Q : A large volume of space
A : A large volume
Q : My antiquated PC is ineffectual
for solving sophisticated problems
A : In purpose of
Suggested Ans: The walnut desk cost $300 more than the oak
desk.
SA: a.Sandy took the whole afternoon to clean up her desk, which
was cluttered and filthy.
A: Sandy took the whole afternoon to clean up her desk because
she cluttered and filthy. .
6-32 EDITING FOR CLARITY
(NOUN SEQUENCES)
SA:The focus of the meeting was a discussion of deregulation of
bank interest rates
A: The discussion of the meeting was focusing on the bank
interest rate deregulation issue .
SA: Trudy ran when she saw the bull pawing the ground.
A:Trudy ran when she saw the bull pawing the ground
6-34 EDITING FOR CLARITY
(CAMOUFLAGED VERBS)
.
6.20
A:
THE NEXT TIME YOU WRITE SOMETHING, CHECK YOUR AVERAGE SENTENCE LENGTH. FOR EVERY 100-WORD
PASSAGE, IF YOUR SENTENCES AVERAGE MORE THAN 16 TO 20 WORDS, SEE WHETHER YOU CAN BREAK UP
SOME OF THE SENTENCES
SA :
NEXT TIME YOU WRITE A 100-WORD PASSAGE, CHECK YOUR AVERAGE SENTENCE
LENGTH. IF YOUR SENTENCES AVERAGE MORE THAN 16 TO 20 WORDS, TRY TO BREAK UP
SOME OF THEM.
6.21
A: A LARGE OF SPACE
SA : A LARGE VOLUME
6.22
6.24
A: IN PURPOSE OF
SA : FOR
6.25
A: WE CONVINCED THAT WRITING IS IMPORTANT
SA : WRITING IS IMPORTANT
6-19 Revising
for Readability (Sentence and Paragraph Length) [LO-2]
Although major league baseball remains popular, more people are attending minor league
baseball games because they can spend less on admission, snacks, and parking and still enjoy
the excitement of America’s pastime. Connecticut, for example, has three AA minor league
teams, including the New Haven Ravens, who are affiliated with the St. Louis Cardinals; the
Norwich Navigators, who are affiliated with the New York Yankees; and the New Britain Rock
Cats, who are affiliated with the Minnesota Twins. These teams play in relatively small stadiums,
so fans are close enough to see and hear everything, from the swing of the bat connecting with
the ball to the thud of the ball landing in the outfielder’s glove. Best of all, the cost of a family
outing to see rising stars play in a local minor league game is just a fraction of what the family
would spend to attend a major league game in a much larger, more crowded stadium.
THANK
YOU!