The Greatest American Hero by Rachna Fruchbom
The Greatest American Hero by Rachna Fruchbom
The Greatest American Hero by Rachna Fruchbom
by
Rachna Fruchbom
MEERA
I feel like I think about Kyle
Chandler’s face more than I should.
SARAH
Eff, marry, kill: “Early Edition” Kyle
Chandler, “Friday Night Lights” Kyle
Chandler, “Bloodline” Kyle Chandler.
MEERA
Marry Coach Taylor. And then I don’t
know, I can’t kill a Kyle Chandler!
(then, re: her hoodie)
No stray hairs peeking out, right?
SARAH
One thought: who cares? You’re not
seeing your mom until tomorrow.
MEERA
Smoke smell lingers. And she’d disown
me if she knew I smoked.
SARAH
Okay, but we’re 30, so you’re an adult
who can’t be disowned.
MEERA
I don’t want to give my mom another
reason to think I’m a huge
disappointment, especially not right
before Mona’s wedding. That Judas.
SARAH
It’s not the 1800s, little sisters can
get married first. And your family
loves you for who you are, even if
you’re single.
MEERA
Sarah, c’mon, being loved for who you
are is a white people thing.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 2.
SARAH
Well I love you no matter what, except
that time you wore Crocs in public.
MEERA
They were Kyrie Irving themed and it
was before I knew he was gonna be a
traitor and leave the Cavs.
SARAH
Okay, if that’s what you need to
believe. I gotta go, it’s late.
MEERA
Boooooo. Why do you always have to be
so responsible?
SARAH
Why do you always have to go so hard?
It’s a Tuesday.
MEERA
But it’s always Saturday in my heart.
SARAH
I have to take the boys to the doctor
in the morning. They have hand, foot
and mouth disease.
MEERA
Is everything okay?
SARAH
Yeah, I mean I was worried about them,
but it sounds more serious than it is--
MEERA
No, I mean, do you have it? We drank
from the same bottle earlier.
(a beat, then)
I’m kidding, I hope they get better
fast. Kisses from me, but not near
the mouth disease.
SARAH
I hope you get it someday. You’d
deserve it. Love you.
MEERA
(whispered panic)
Cops!
(MORE)
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 3.
MEERA (CONT'D)
(then, re: bottle)
This is just lemonade!
VOICE (V.O.)
(skeptical)
Are you sure this is her?
HAROLD (V.O.)
But look at her.
MEERA
Sorry, can you please turn down the
lights? Also, what’s happening?
The lights dim to REVEAL the faint outline of a UFO, but the
passengers are obscured. Meera tries to run but is frozen in
place. She hugs her wine close to her chest.
MEERA
Is that a UFO?
HAROLD (V.O.)
We are aliens from the planet Elysior,
which oversees the safety of other
planets in the galaxy.
MEERA
Hello. Hi. Sorry, but what?
HAROLD (V.O.)
Meera Patel, you have been chosen to
be the Greatest American Hero.
According to the paperwork, anyway.
MEERA
Wait. Like Captain America? Because
I’m out of shape, I’m not Chris Evans.
I would hit that though. Just FYI, if
you know him.
SANDRA (V.O.)
Please be serious.
MEERA
Sorry. I’m panicking.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 4.
SANDRA (V.O.)
Do not be fearful. We come in peace.
We have frozen you in place only so
that we can make sure you hear our
full spiel.
HAROLD (V.O.)
There is a threat against Earth and
you’ve been chosen to protect it.
MEERA
(shocked)
You picked me?
HAROLD (V.O.)
(still not on board)
I mean, apparently.
SANDRA (V.O.)
We are going to give you a supersuit
that will give you powers as well as
an instruction manual for training.
MEERA
A manual? You’re aliens with a
supersuit, you don’t have some way to
incept the instructions into my brain?
HAROLD (V.O.)
No.
MEERA
Got it, cool.
SANDRA (V.O.)
We will be in touch. Good luck.
HAROLD (V.O.)
You’re going to need it.
MEERA
Holy--
ACT ONE
MONA
...I said, my wedding henna has to be
organic, I’m a medical resident, my
hands can’t get messed up. And I told
the florist no carnations...
CARDI B (V.O.)
...I don't bother with these hoes /
Don't let these hoes bother me /
They see pictures, they say goals /
Bitch, I'm who they tryna be...
MONA
Meera!
MEERA
Hi. Sorry, what?
MONA
I said, have you started the slideshow
for the wedding? Just make sure to
get the order right: my childhood
years, then Raj’s, then--
MEERA
--a clip from “Paddington 2”, got
it...
LEENA
Don’t tease your sister. You will do
a good job.
MONA
I just want to make sure, because
Meera isn’t always the most reliable.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 6.
MEERA
Hey, I’m totally reliable. Mom asked
me to bring yogurt tonight and I did.
MONA
You bail on family stuff all the time.
You missed my med school graduation.
Even cousin Sonal made it, and she
lives in Sweden!
MEERA
I was in a weird place, and I didn’t
want everyone to be all judgmental and
have to explain to all the aunties why
I quit grad school to work at Napa
Auto Parts.
LEENA
You should have gone to Mona’s
graduation but it’s true, people would
talk.
MEERA
You say “people”, but you mean our
family.
LEENA
Of course I mean family, who would
care what strangers think?
MONA
Speaking of strangers, I don’t want
you to bring one to my wedding. So
I’m canceling your plus one.
MEERA
Don’t, I’m gonna bring somebody, I
just haven’t had time to ask anyone
yet. I’ve been really busy.
MONA
Doing what? You live alone in a tiny
apartment, answer phones for a living,
and your only hobby is karaoke.
MEERA
It’s a pretty time-consuming hobby.
LEENA
You know, I have money put aside in
case you decide to go to med school.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 7.
MEERA
I do know, you tell me all the time.
You write it in every birthday card.
MONA
I’m just saying, you can sit at the
singles table and not bring some rando
who works at a bicycle shop.
LEENA
If Meera wants to bring a friend to
the wedding, she can bring a friend.
MEERA
(defensive)
Or more than a friend!
LEENA
You know, Pushpa Auntie called me that
her sister-in-law’s nephew is a nice
boy so I gave her Meera’s phone
number. His name is Neil.
MEERA
Mom, I can meet someone on my own.
LEENA
Nothing wrong with being introduced.
Then you don’t end up in a love
marriage with a dhorio Uber driver.
MEERA
Not all white guys are Uber drivers.
Some are also Lyft drivers.
LEENA
Always making haha jokes like your
father.
MEERA
Well he would’ve appreciated it and
laughed his big laugh.
LEENA
You have to get serious soon. Mona is
settled down even though you are much,
much older than her.
MEERA
I’m only five years older.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 8.
Both Leena and Mona give sympathetic looks: “you poor thing.”
MEERA
(into phone)
Bob Rice’s office... Cool, we’ll send
the logo options over soon... I’m with
you, Marissa, Tim Gunn should not have
used his save on her. Talk soon.
MEERA
Um, Justin? Why are you sending me a
trailer for Al Gore’s documentary?
JUSTIN
Because the earth is melting and you
still drink out of a styrofoam cup.
Invest in a mug.
MEERA
I’m not about doing dishes at work.
Can you imagine? Bob asks me for
something, and I’m like, I can’t,
boss, I’m washing my mug. Insane.
JUSTIN
(can’t help but smile)
Well I own the DVD, maybe you can come
over to watch it and change your mind.
MEERA
(hesitant, then)
You know who you should invite?
Tawnia. She loves documentaries.
TAWNIA
(chiming in from her cubicle)
I love them! Saw that one about the
clown who’s a molester? So freaky.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 9.
BOB
Everyone, I’d like to introduce Max
Smith, our new account executive.
Max, this is the team. Justin Hayes,
our creative director.
MAX
Shaking hands is the easiest way to
pass germs and I can’t afford to be
sick right now. I’m taking a
sommelier course at the culinary
academy. Need my sinuses clear.
BOB
Okay. Sarah Green, our art designer.
Tawnia Nichols, the office manager.
And Meera Patel, my assistant.
MEERA
Sorry, just want to clarify... being
an assistant is a transitional job for
me. Still looking for my true thing,
thinking maybe interior design, so.
MEERA
That’s better.
They all stare at her. Bob clears his throat and continues.
BOB
So Max is the one who brought in the
new Quark account.
MAX
They’ve been under the radar but
they’re growing faster than Google.
We’re not gonna be Great Lakes
Marketing, we’re gonna be Busy Lakes
Marketing, am I right?
(off more crickets)
Just a little play on words.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 10.
MEERA
(not funny)
Funny.
MAX
Anyway, it’s nice to meet everyone.
Just wanted to let you know I have a
tree nut intolerance, so FYI on that.
MEERA
...aren’t tree nuts just nuts, why
does he call them that?
SARAH
Also: “intolerance”? Either it’s an
allergy or it isn’t.
BRIAN
Hey guys. Dishwasher’s on, boys are
in bed, I’m gonna go watch the game.
MEERA
Sup, Brian. We can just kiss later.
SARAH
Have a good night, hon.
MEERA
I gotta get me one of those. Do you
think he’d make Mona’s wedding
slideshow for me? She wants to set it
to “Lady in Red” on repeat.
SARAH
It’s incredible that you and your
sister came from the same parents.
MEERA
She also wants to cancel my plus one.
But I’m not rolling up solo and being
judged for my singleness. I need a
date, even a white one. Not ideal,
but better than being there alone.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 11.
SARAH
You know what I think about that.
MEERA
I’m not asking Justin. We can’t date
because what if we break up? We work
together, it would be so weird.
SARAH
You’re crazy, but fine. You know who
else is single? Sam Prescott from
high school.
MEERA
Sam who’s so hot he dated Kate
Bosworth one summer? Come on.
There’s no way Sam Prescott goes to my
sister’s wedding. He wouldn’t even go
to Homecoming with me.
SARAH
How would you even know?
SARAH
You got this. Just ask him.
SAM
Hey Meera!
MEERA
Hey Sam. Do you want to... take Katie
Lawrence to Homecoming with you?
(then, spotting her)
Katie! You’re so great and pretty,
get over here! Do you know Sam?
MEERA
At least I didn’t get rejected!
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 12.
SARAH
But you’re a big girl now, so you can
put yourself out there and actually
try. Plus...
MEERA
Sure, that matters so much! Crazy I
haven’t been able to find my thing
when I had the popular sport of field
hockey to fall back on.
SARAH
My baby monitor range is three and a
half blocks, that gets us to the park.
MEERA
Brian’s here, no monitor needed.
SARAH
I just feel like I’m a better mom if I
can hear the kids cry even if I’m not
the one who gets them.
Meera (in her shame smoking getup) and Sarah sit on a park
bench. FAST FORWARD through already seen footage of: Sarah
leaving, Meera blinded by lights, Meera receiving her
supersuit and manual. As the aliens speed away, Meera looks
stunned. She puts down the bottle of wine and picks up the
suit. She then begins to root around the park bench.
MEERA
Where’s the instruction manual? It’s
gotta be here somewhere.
MEERA (CONT’D)
Damn. Lost that faster than my phone
in Vegas.
ACT TWO
MEERA
Girl. Something bonkers happened.
Last night, I--
MEERA (CONT’D)
Sorry, just woke up. So I was sitting
on the bench after you left and these--
SARAH
You okay?
MEERA
I don’t know, maybe I’m too freaked
out. Like that time I auditioned for
“Les Mis” and forgot all the words.
SARAH
Or maybe you’re still drunk, I’m
hanging up now, you’re not gonna
remember this, gotta go, bye!
MEERA
Oh boy, I knew it. I knew when I saw
you, you have stalker written all over
your face. Listen, there’s a cop that
lives upstairs--
MAX
I know about the aliens and the suit.
MEERA
I’m gonna be honest, I still think you
might be a stalker, but at least this
PowerPoint looks legit.
ANGLE ON: a slide with the GAH logo and a photo of Max with
another MAN and WOMAN, in identical suits and Ray-Bans.
MEERA
Your parents seem intense.
MAX
Those are my bosses, Agents Lee and
Diaz, I work for a top-secret division
of the FBI that tracks alien activity.
MEERA
So, you’re like, “Men In Black”? I
saw Tommy Lee Jones once when I was
interning at Ms. Magazine.
MAX
Sort of like that, but real. Sandra
and Harold, who gave you the suit,
come from the planet Elysior, which
we’ve been in communication with for a
long time. They requested me to be
your tactical support. They’ll
contact me about our missions and then
I’ll work with you to execute them.
MEERA
I get it, I’m James Bond and you’re M.
MAX
No. Because again, this is real.
MEERA
(”this freaking guy”)
Yeah, I know, I was just... I’m so
glad we have to work together since we
clearly get each other.
MEERA
My mom just sent a four-screens-long
text and almost all of it is in caps.
MAX
Can we get back to this please?
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 15.
MAX
There have been others in the past.
The Greatest Peruvian Hero, The
Greatest Latvian Hero, each with
something unique about them...
MEERA
What’s unique about me?
MAX
(unsure beat, then)
We can talk details later, we should
get up to speed on the suit first.
Where’s the manual?
MEERA
Funny story actually: I lost it.
MAX
That’s not a story, that’s 3 words.
MEERA
Short story.
MAX
(frustrated)
Then just put on the suit and let’s
see what happens.
MEERA
I don’t want to put it on! Some
strange aliens give you a suit, you
don’t just put it on. It could mess
you up on like, a DNA level! You
don’t know.
MAX
The aliens are far more advanced than
us. The suit will only help you.
MEERA
Fine, but if it turns me green or
something, I’m coming after you.
MEERA
I know I was skeptical but I don’t
even care if this suit messes me up.
(MORE)
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 16.
MEERA (CONT'D)
My butt looks amazing. It’s like
super Spanx.
MAX
Meera, forget your butt, you’re going
to change the course of the planet.
RALPH (V.O.)
Hello, I’m R.A.L.P.H., your Robotic AI
Learning and Preparation Helper. Dava
mate pasandagi mate abhinandana.
MEERA
What?
RALPH (V.O.)
I said: ”Congratulations on being
chosen for the suit” in Gujarati. My
programming indicates you are Indian-
American, so I have tailored my speech
and references for optimal
communication and relatability.
MEERA
Okay, well I’m from Ohio and my
Gujarati is almost non-existent, so.
RALPH (V.O.)
Noted. My goal is to create the most
comfortable environment to help you
learn to control your superpowers so
that you can save the world.
MEERA
Holy cow, this is for real, real. I’m
a freaking superhero.
DISSOLVE TO:
DISSOLVE TO:
MEERA
My sister did a group mani-pedi for
her bachelorette, least fun person I
know. Can’t wait to see the look on
her face when I tell my family about
the suit.
MAX
You can’t tell your family.
MEERA
I have to tell them. Look, you won’t
understand this because you’re white.
But my little sister is going to be a
doctor and she’s getting married.
MAX
Congratulations.
MEERA
No it’s not. She’s done all the right
things and my whole life I've been
trying to prove I’m not a total black
sheep. To find my thing. But it
found me. I’m a superhero, that’s
like 50 married doctors.
MAX
The suit won’t let you tell anyone.
It has built-in controls, like a
consciousness that prevents bad
choices.
MEERA
(realizing)
That’s why I couldn’t tell Sarah.
MAX
The score pumps me up, so I made it my
alarm sound. We have that ad sales
meeting in twenty.
MEERA
Ad sales meeting, are you nuts? We're
gonna be saving the world, I've quit
jobs for waaaay less.
MAX
We can’t quit, we need cover jobs.
MEERA
I barely have time for the gym, let
alone two jobs. That’s misleading, it
implies I go to the gym, I don’t.
Max is with Meera at her desk. Meera scans another text from
her mom: “Meera, if Rohit Uncle asks at the wedding, tell him
you’re applying to law school because that’s what I told him.
Love, Mom.” Meera sighs as an upset Bob approaches.
MEERA
You’ve got that look, talk to me,
what’d you do?
BOB
I accidentally deleted “Grey’s
Anatomy” when I was trying to DVR the
Cavs game and Helen’s pissed.
MEERA
First, how good was that game?
Second, Bob, how many times. I’m
sending the apology flowers now. You
cook dinner for her tonight, deal?
Bob nods and smiles and heads off. Max clocks this. Meera
types “Wonder Woman’s life” into a Google search.
MAX
Wonder Woman isn’t real. You know
that, right? It’s important to me
that you know that.
MEERA
Eat a tree nut and take it down a
notch.
(then, grumbling)
I can’t believe I can’t tell my
family...
(MORE)
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 19.
MEERA (CONT'D)
I’m a literal superhero but they still
get to judge me for being “single
Meera with the ankle tattoo”.
MAX
If you really need to talk to someone,
you can talk to me.
MEERA
No thanks. You’re mean and strict.
MAX
I feel like maybe you’re not fully
understanding the gravity of this.
MEERA
Yesterday I spent two hours looking up
choppy haircuts. So yeah, I’m still
digesting.
MAX
Well speed up the digestion because we
have our first mission.
MEERA
A mission! What, we need to get an
explosive device to the center of a
meteor before it hits Earth?
MAX
That’s the premise of “Armageddon”.
No, we need to secure classified files
from Quark. That’s why I’m working
with them. They’re involved somehow
with the threat to Earth.
TAWNIA
Hey, do you all know Julie from
accounting has never masturbated?
MEERA
Quark! How is it in the mix?
MAX
We don’t know yet, we’re trying to
piece it together. Hopefully the
files will give us something.
(then)
Quark is a highly-guarded facility.
(MORE)
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 20.
MAX (CONT'D)
So you’re going to use mind control to
get past security.
MEERA
That is the first cool thing you’ve
said since I met you.
MAX
After work, we practice mind control.
The mission commences tomorrow morning
at 0700.
MEERA
Early but okay, awesome. First
though, I have this thing I always do
to pump myself up before anything big.
MEERA
“...if you skinny bitches, what /
Hahaha RRRRRR / I got a big, fat ass /
C’mon...”
Meera hangs up the mic and finds a confused Max at the bar.
MAX
That’s your pump up ritual?
MEERA
Since high school. I did it before
the SATs. LeBron throws chalk in the
air, I karaoke.
MAX
Can we go practice mind control now?
MEERA
Yeah we can. Because I’m pumped. I’m
also very sober even though I’ve had
three beers and a shot of tequila.
MAX
The suit’s built-in controls won’t
allow you to indulge in vices, like
drinking to excess. You can’t get
drunk, the suit doesn’t want you
saving the world hungover.
(off Meera’s horror)
Sorry, but silver lining though, you
also can’t get fat.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 21.
MEERA
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it
again, Chalupas are a perfect food.
(off Max’s disgust)
Oh, are you also intolerant to
deliciousness?
MAX
No, I just care what I put in my body.
Let’s begin, we’ve wasted enough time.
RALPH (V.O.)
Hello, Meera. You mentioned you’re
from Ohio: that word originated from
the word “ohi-yo”, meaning "great
river" or "large creek" in Iroquois.
MEERA
Great, okay, we need to practice mind
control.
RALPH (V.O.)
I’m sorry but I can only assist you
once you enter the verification
passcodes located in your manual.
MEERA
Ralph, bud, I lost the manual.
RALPH (V.O.)
You can do an override which involves
a series of security questions.
MEERA
Okay so, let’s do that, I guess.
RALPH (V.O.)
State your date of birth.
DISSOLVE TO:
MEERA
...Okay, I lied, I didn’t just kiss
that girl. We dated for a few weeks.
RALPH (V.O.)
You correctly answered all 644
questions. Manual override procedure
complete.
MAX
Those Meximelts are making “Steel
Magnolias” feel extra intense.
MEERA
(as Sally Field)
“Drink your juice, Shelby!”
(then, back to normal)
Okay, we’re all set. Ralph, let’s
practice mind control.
RALPH (V.O.)
Mind control engaging.
MEERA
(looking at her phone)
Max, wash my dishes.
Max just stares at her. Meera looks up and makes eye contact
with him. HER POV: A 3-D hologram of Max’s brain turns from
blue to pink.
MEERA
Max, wash my dishes.
This time, Max goes to the sink and begins washing dishes.
Meera follows, continuing to make eye contact.
MEERA
Who was your first crush?
MAX
Skeet Ulrich.
MEERA
Wait, are you gay?
MAX
On the Kinsey scale, I am a 5.8,
exclusively homosexual.
MEERA
Love it. Stop mind control.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 23.
MAX
It worked!
MEERA
(a little surprised)
It did! I just have to make direct
eye contact. You have a little stye
on your left one. I have an
optometrist cousin if you need a rec.
MAX
I’ll meet you at Quark at 0700, we
need those files ASAP. Stay in
tonight and rest.
MEERA
Night in, cool. I can start reading
“The Goldfinch” for the hundredth
time.
Meera sits in bed and sets an alarm on her phone. She checks
her computer. An update reads: “Uploading photo 4 of 572 to
Mona’s Wedding Slideshow”. Meera’s phone RINGS, she answers.
SPLIT-SCREEN: Mona and Meera, both of them on speakerphone.
MEERA
I got your pics, all 572 of them.
MONA
Good, but that’s not why I’m calling.
I officially canceled your plus one.
I told Mom you’re not dating anyone
special, I don’t want a random dude--
MEERA
Well, you shouldn’t have told Mom that
because you’re wrong I do have a date.
MONA
Oh really, who?
MEERA
Sam Prescott. From high school.
MONA
Sounds like a white guy.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 24.
MEERA
He is but he’s an ER doctor so Mom
will get over his whiteness. We’ve
been dating for a few months but
haven’t told anyone because we want to
take it slow.
MONA
Slow and discreet? Doesn’t sound like
you. Fine but he better be someone
special!
MEERA
He is. So special.
Meera hangs up. A text from her mom POPS UP: “Meera, there
is a boy at the wedding for you to meet, an engineer!! Love,
Mom.” Meera looks over to the suit.
MEERA
Hey kid, I like your wand.
KID
Are you an adult?
MEERA
(offended)
Yes. I’m having a super weird day but
of course I’m an adult. The rent gets
paid, I volunteer like twice a year, I
try to be a nice person. Sure,
everyone around me has settled down
and I’m still figuring it out, yeah my
mom has to explain me away to the
family, but I’m doing my best.
KID
Okay. I’m not allowed to talk to
adults without kids.
MEERA
Hi, where would I find Sam Prescott?
(as she follows the nurse)
Long shift? You seem tired. Try a
Luna bar, always helps me.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 25.
NURSE
I am actually tired, good idea. I
like the lemon ones. Right this way.
Meera puts on her headband and touches the suit under her
clothes.
MEERA
(sotto)
Ralph, access mind control.
RALPH (V.O.)
Mind control engaging.
Sam works at a big oak desk. The nurse leads Meera in.
NURSE
Dr. Prescott? This patient said she’s
your friend?
SAM
Wow, Meera Patel from high school?
It’s been forever.
MEERA
Hi, Sam. You’re going to be my date
to my sister’s wedding tomorrow.
SAM
Uh thanks, but I’m not interested in
dating right now. Sorry.
MEERA
Doesn’t matter. You will be my date.
SAM
What?
MEERA
Sam and Meera are going to the
wedding.
RALPH (V.O.)
You are not permitted to engage mind
control in this setting.
MEERA
Are you serious, Ralph, help me out
here. Turn his brain to pink!
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 26.
SAM
Are you here for a psych consult?
MEERA
No, I’m incredibly sane, I just have a
lot on my plate!
SAM
(high-pitched girl’s scream)
MAX
It’s 7:30, where are you??
MEERA (O.S.)
Um, just a slight delay.
MEERA
So I’m in jail. They just gave me my
phone back. Still waiting on the gold
headband. Anyway, you good, how’d you
sleep?
ACT THREE
Mona, Leena and other COUSINS and AUNTIES get their hair and
make-up done. Leena hangs up her phone.
LEENA
She is still not answering even though
I have called and texted many times.
MONA
Unbelievable. I was worried Meera
would mess up the slideshow, but she’s
not even gonna show up. If she
doesn’t want everyone to judge her,
maybe she should be a better person.
This is a new low, even for her.
LEENA
I’m going to send a text in all
capital letters. Meera told me that
means yelling.
Meera and Max walk to his car. She sees multiple missed
calls and texts from her mom. Meera sighs, pockets her
phone, puts on a rubber glove and tries to light a cigarette.
MAX
(measured anger)
The suit. Won’t let you engage in
vices. That impede your functioning.
MEERA
Well the suit is broken, because mind
control stopped working, but then it
randomly made me really strong.
MAX
It’s not broken, its built-in
mechanisms kicked in. And you must’ve
accidentally accessed super strength
because you’ve barely practiced and
don’t know how to control the suit
yet. You can’t fly just because you
own a helicopter.
MEERA
We get a helicopter?
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 28.
MAX
It’s a metaphor, just get in my Volt!
MEERA
Can you drop me off at the
Intercontinental? I’m so late, Mona
and my mom are gonna kill me. I
thought if I brought a doctor to the
wedding it’d be a buffer from my
family’s judgment and that engineer...
MAX
I can’t believe you! First you use
the suit to try to get a date and now
you’re talking about a wedding. We
have a mission to complete!
MEERA
Find someone else to do it.
MAX
You still don’t get it, there’s no one
else! You were chosen for the suit.
MEERA
Yeah, but I didn’t choose it! I don’t
want to save the world. I want to
find something to make my family
proud. I want to go on a great date
and fall in love. I want to karaoke
Sia. Even if it’s not perfect, I have
a whole life I still want to live! I
thought being a superhero was the
thing I’d been looking for but it’s
not. I went to jail and now you want
me to miss my sister’s wedding.
MAX
I’m sorry about your sister’s wedding,
but we have to get those files.
MEERA
Dude, I’ll just mess it up. I was
wrong, this isn’t my thing. But you
know what is? Bailing. I’m out.
MEERA
This isn’t the Intercontinental!
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 29.
MAX
I need you to get those files.
MEERA
What makes you even think I can?
MAX
Because the aliens picked you for a
reason. They see something special in
you even if you don’t see it in
yourself. They believe in you, I
believe in you. I know it feels hard,
but it's supposed to be hard. If it
wasn't hard, everyone would do it.
The hard... is what makes it great.
MEERA
Is that from “A League of Their Own”?
MAX
One of my favorite movies.
MEERA
(a little teary)
Me too. I own it on Blu-Ray.
MEERA
Got it. Ralph, access mind control.
Also, I need some hype music: play the
“Jurassic Park” song.
RALPH (V.O.)
During the manual override, you
mentioned you dated a woman. Would
you prefer a song by Tegan and Sara,
who are very popular among bisexuals?
MEERA
What? No. Stop trying to relate.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 30.
MEERA
You’re right, Max, this song is the
tits.
GUARD
Ma’am, do you have your badge--
MEERA
Um, let me in?
MEERA
Also, hand me your smokes please.
GUARD #2
Do you have clearance--
MEERA
Bro, I don’t need it. Move aside and
actually, I’ll take your hat.
The armed guard steps aside and gives Meera his hat.
MEERA
Hey girl, your nails are on point.
Also, I need the classified files on
Deerfield and Hollybrook.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 31.
UNIFORMED WOMAN
Thank you! Right this way.
VOICE (O.S.)
Don’t move.
FEMALE GUARD
I said, don’t move!
MEERA
Max, I have a gun pointed at me but I
can’t turn around to make eye contact.
MEERA
Hey, don’t be scared. Is this your
first day?
The security guard keeps her gun pressed to Meera’s back, but
sniffles, crying. Meera hears this.
MEERA
It’s my first day, too. At this super
weird job I can't really talk about.
I’m totally freaked out. First days
suck. I know, I’ve had a lot of them.
You’re lost, you don’t even know where
the bathroom is or who’s got a secret
stash of cigarettes.
FEMALE GUARD
I could really use a smoke.
Meera turns slowly to face the guard. Meera’s POV: her brain
hologram turns pink. Meera takes the gun from the woman’s
hand. She pulls the cigarette from behind her ear and hands
it to her.
MEERA
The guard at the front, he’s got the
smokes if you ever need them.
They share a smile. Meera looks down at her hand, where the
gun is completely smashed into a lump of steel.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 32.
Meera enters and hands the files and steel lump to Max.
MEERA
Oh my God, I did it!
MAX
You did it! You were amazing. The
way you talked down that guard. You
connect to people. That’s what makes
you so special.
MEERA
In my family, that’s known as: “Meera
talks too much to strangers.”
MAX
Well it’s also why the aliens chose
you to be the Greatest American Hero.
MEERA
I guess if I’m gonna be a hero, I have
to man up and face my worst fear...
CUT TO:
LEENA
Meera, where have you been?!
MONA
You didn’t do the slideshow, so cousin
Sonal found this video of me zip-
lining in the cloud forest. I look
terrible in a helmet! You let me
down, you’re more selfish than I gave
you credit for.
MEERA
I’m really sorry. I messed up, no
excuses. You’re right to be angry.
MEERA
Hi, I’m Meera, Mona’s big sister. A
lot of you haven’t seen me in a while.
I’ve been avoiding these events and
your judgement. You know, because I’m
not a doctor and I’m unmarried and
sometimes I smoke. Sorry, Mom.
MEERA
But I’m learning that I have things
about me to be proud of, even if
they’re not as obvious. And I have to
start showing up if I want a chance to
succeed. So here I am, putting myself
out there more. I want to show up for
my family even if people talk. I’ve
bailed on stuff way too often because
I didn’t want to look like a big loser
compared to my impressive little
sister. And that’s not okay.
MEERA
Mona has done so many things to make
my parents proud. Which I’m grateful
for, because I haven’t always.
(then, to Mona)
You’re so accomplished and amazing
and, like, organized. Even your
underwear drawer is color-coordinated.
MEERA
I’m proud of you. I know it’s late,
but I did do the slideshow. It’s only
like, five pictures because something
came up, but I added a special touch,
hope that makes up for it a little.
MEERA
Thanks for helping me out, Ralph.
RALPH (V.O.)
You’re welcome. It’s good we are
building trust.
(MORE)
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 34.
MEERA
Good looking out.
Mona approaches.
MONA
That was a really nice speech. Thanks
for sort of doing the slideshow.
MEERA
Least I could do. I’m sorry I missed
the ceremony, Mona. I really am.
MONA
Well I’m glad you’re here now.
MEERA
(surprised)
Really?
MONA
Of course. You’re my big sister.
MONA
And I want you to be here to see that
I’m winning.
MEERA
I’m going to try to remember this
moment without the last part.
Meera and her mom have dinner, just the two of them. She
shows Meera her phone.
LEENA
Mona texted some small stickers from
her honeymoon.
MEERA
Those are called emojis.
LEENA
Emojis. I like them.
(then)
You made a nice speech at your
sister’s wedding. You’re a good girl.
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO Rev. Network Draft 1/22/18 35.
MEERA
I don’t know about that. I know you
wish I was more like Mona.
LEENA
You know what your dad would say?
That you couldn’t fit inside the box.
I told him you had to learn. But he
said that you were unique and we had
to accept it. That you would do great
things but it would take you longer
because you had your own path. He
called you our late bloomer.
MEERA
He did?
LEENA
He was always proud of you. I am the
one who has a harder time. But I am
learning, you are just different.
That is you. And your dad was right,
you are already doing good things.
LEENA
Remember Neil who I told you about?
MEERA
Mom. I don’t want to call Neil.
LEENA
Good, because I heard he has adult
acne. You are not in good shape
marriage-wise, but we are not that
desperate yet.
MEERA
Yeah, I don’t think we are either.
It’s just enough of a tiny victory for now. Off Meera, we...
TAG
MAX
This is how you want to celebrate our
first mission? A basketball game?
MEERA
Where did you even find Chardonnay?
MAX
Now might be a good time to tell you
I’m gay. And I’m not a sports gay.
MEERA
I know. During mind control practice,
you told me about Skeet Ulrich.
MAX
Oh, good, I hate coming out speeches.
They share a smile. Max’s phone BUZZES and Siri LIGHTS UP.
SIRI (V.O.)
The Greatest American Hero, Agent Max
Smith, this is Sandra and Harold. We
have your next mission.
MEERA
Wow. I guess we’re really doing this.
MAX
Are you ready? You nervous?
MEERA
A little. But whatever super villain
we deal with can’t be worse than my
sister.
(then)
We gotta talk to Sandra and Harold
about getting better seats.
REVEAL: They are at the very top of the arena looking down.
MEERA
I wish I could tell LeBron who I was.
He’d probably let me sit courtside.
END OF EPISODE