Emotional Intelligence Companion: Workbook

Emotional
Intelligence
Companion
Workbook
Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD
Congratulations!
Welcome to my Emotional Intelligence
Course! You should be proud of yourself
for making this investment in your
personal and professional development!
As Leonardo Da Vinci said, “It had long
since come to my attention that people
of accomplishment rarely sat back and
let things happen to them. They went
out and happened to things.” By working
systematically through this course, you will
be “happening to things” by taking action
towards increasing your communication
and relationship effectiveness.
For most of the lessons in the course, you will be assigned homework, and you can
complete them here. This workbook is designed as an adjunct to my Udemy EQ
course and is for your personal use. It is not meant to be reproduced or distributed.
I sincerely hope that you enjoy the course. Here’s to your success!
Patricia
Patricia Thompson, PhD
Corporate Psychologist, Executive Coach
Author:The Consummate Leader: a Holistic Guide to Inspiring Growth in Others…and in Yourself
www.Silverliningpsychology.com
Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD 2

Course Timeline
I designed this to be done across 21 days. So, the way to go through it is to watch the
lesson, then do the associated homework in this workbook. While you can obviously
go through the course at any pace you choose, if you do want to get through it in the
21 days as designed, this table lets you know which lessons you need to cover when.
Day Lesson(s) to cover

1 Lessons 1-3
2 Lessons 4-5
3 Lesson 6
4 Lesson 7
5 Lesson 8
6 Lesson 9
7 Lesson 10-11
8 Lesson 12
9 Lesson 13
10 Lesson 14
11 Lesson 15
12 Lesson 16-17
13 Lesson 18
14 Lesson 19
15 Lesson 20
16 Lesson 21
17 Lesson 22-23
18 Lesson 24
19 Lesson 25
20 Lesson 26
21 Lesson 27-28
3 Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD

Self-Awareness Homework
A. Lesson 5 Strengths and Developmental Opportunities

For today’s homework, you will reflect on your strengths and developmental
opportunities. Write your thoughts here.
1. What are my top five strengths?
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
2. What are my top five developmental opportunities?
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
To learn more about your personality, take my leadership personality at

silverliningpsychology.com/leadership - style - quiz

B. Lesson 6 Getting Feedback from Others
For today’s lesson, you will ask three people for feedback about your strengths and
developmental opportunities. This will help round out your self-knowledge, and cover
any hidden strengths of which you’re not aware, while illuminating any blind spots
that may be holding you back.
Person One - Strengths

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Person One - Developmental Opportunities

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Person Two - Strengths

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.

Person Two - Developmental Opportunities
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Person Three - Strengths
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Person Three - Developmental Opportunities
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
“We all need people who will give us feedback.

That’s how we improve.”
~Bill Gates

C. Lesson 7 Identifying Emotions
Your task for today is to periodically check in and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”
Try to do it at least four times, at various points throughout the day. If you can do it
more, even better!
Time Emotion What was happening?
D. Lesson 8 Body Awareness

For today’s homework, download the body awareness audio file that goes along
with the lesson. It will walk you through a relaxing mindfulness exercise designed to
get you more in touch with your body.
E. Lesson 9 Learning About Myself Under Stress

Knowledge of your stress triggers and typical stress reactions can deepen your self-
understanding. With this understanding of yourself, you will put yourself in a better
position to manage how you are coming across.
1. What are my pet peeves?
a.
b.
c.

2. Why are these my pet peeves?
a.
b.
c.
3. Are there any people (or types of people) who are particularly difficult for me
to deal with?
a.
b.
c.
4. When am I most likely to feel overwhelmed?
a.
b.
c.
5. How do I behave differently when I am under stress?
a.
b.
c.
“Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it’s
the time when they most need to think.”
~Bill Clinton

Self-Management Homework
A. Lesson 11 Developing a Self-Care Regimen
Self-care is a critical part of emotional intelligence. The more you take care of yourself,
the less likely you are to experience stress. And, the better you’re managing your
stress, the more constructive your interactions with others are likely to be.
1. What are five ways I can take care of myself to manage my stress?
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Schedule a specfic time on your calendar to do at least 2 of these activities this week.
B. Lesson 12 Deep Breathing

Today’s homework will give you additional practice with deep breathing, which is a
vital part of learning how to manage your emotions. Download the audio file, and
enjoy going through the exercise!
To learn more about mindfulness, visit executivemindfulness.org
C. Lesson 13 Question Your Story

The way that we explain a situation in our own minds has a huge impact on our
moods. Depending on what we tell ourselves, we can feel better or worse, irate or
compassionate, and that, in turn, will affect how we respond to the situation.
For today’s homework, think of a difficult interpersonal situation you encountered.

Perhaps you became irritated with a significant others. Maybe you felt slighted by a
co-worker. Answer the following questions to learn how to question your story.

1. Describe the situation
2. How did you feel? Why did you feel that way?
3. What story did you tell yourself about the other person?

4. Is there any other possible explanation for the other person’s behavior?
5. What might the other person have been thinking?
6. What can you learn from this experience?
For extra credit, check out this video for a really powerful example of why it is important
to question your story.
http://bit.ly/1fpWjYz (click on link above, or if you can’t search for the Cleveland Clinic
empathy series videos).

D. Lesson 14 Cultivate Positive Emotions
Here are two happiness practices with which you can experiment. Try at least one
today, and continue to utilize them for the remainder of the course (and beyond).
1. Gratitude Exercise
Take a moment to reflect, and write down three to five things for which you are
grateful right now (make at least one of them work-related):
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Now write down something less positive that happened in the past week, along with
the “blessing in disguise” it may provide, or how you can work it to your advantage:

2. Perform Acts of Kindness
Another empirically-tested method for improving one’s experience of positive
emotion is to perform acts of kindness for others. It has been found to be more
beneficial to perform all of your acts of kindness on one day, as opposed to
spreading them out across time.
On your “kindness day,” strive to perform five acts of kindness for others. They
should be different from what you would normally do (e.g. if you usually
compliment your assistant on her outfit, then you wouldn’t count that as one of
your acts of kindness). Try to include at least one act of kindness in your work
environment.
i. Complimenting a stranger sincerely
ii. Paying the toll(s) for others behind you
iii. Bringing in a treat for your colleagues
iv. Giving someone a card or a note for no reason
v. Giving a large tip to a waiter
vi. Making a donation to a homeless shelter
vii. Inviting a co-worker out to lunch
viii. Helping someone on a project

At the end of your “kindness day,” make a list of the acts of kindness you performed:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
How did it feel to perform these acts for others?
“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

~Abraham Lincoln

E. Lesson 15 Mistake Post-Mortem
Think of an interpersonal mistake or misstep you made in the relatively recent past.
Reflect on what happened and answer the following questions:
1. Where do you think you made a misstep?
2. What would you do differently next time?

3. Is there anything that you need to do to rectify the situation? (i.e. apologize,
make it up to the other person, etc.)
“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if

you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying
new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing your world.
You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly,
you’re doing something.”
~Neil Gaiman

Social Awareness Homework
A. Lesson 17 Reflect on Others’ Personalities

Pick two people for this exercise. Your task is to think about each person - their
strengths, developmental opportunities, and what motivates him or her. This is an
excellent exercise for developing your ability to size up others.
Person One - Strengths

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Person One - Developmental Opportunities

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Person One - Motivators/Drivers

a.
b.

c.
d.
Person Two - Strengths

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Person Two - Developmental Opportunities

a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Person Two - Motivators/Drivers

a.
b.
c.
d.

B. Lesson 18 Listening
Your task for today is to try to listen mindfully in all of your conversations with others.
We often become distracted or listen more for what we want to hear, so make sure to
set a clear intention to engage in mindful listening. See below for a few tips:
1. Listen with your full attention (close out all distractions - no smartphone, looking out
the window, etc.)
2. Listen for the said and the unsaid
3. Strive to understand as well as to be understood
4. Refrain from developing an argument as the other person speaks
5. Be attentive to body language and emotion
“There is a difference between listening and waiting

for your turn to speak..”
~Simon Sinek
C. Lesson 19 Be Sensitive to Cultural Differences

1. List some cultural differences you have noticed in interacting with people
crossculturally. (If you can’t think of any immediately, try to be observant if you
have the opportunity to interact with people of different cultures today.

2. Reflect on whether you have any prejudices that can affect how you interpret others’
actions. Be honest with yourself.
3. As an exercise, strive to observe people from different cultures today with the aim of
finding five positive aspects of their cultures. List them here:
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.

D. Lesson 20 Be Sensitive to Timing
1. One of your tasks for today is to be intentional about paying attention to timing
in your interactions with others. To do so, ask yourself the following questions:
a. How am I feeling? Is now a good time for me to interact with the other
person? Am I stressed? Anxious? Angry? Hungry? Hurried? Can I have a
productive conversation at this point?
b. How does the other person appear to be feeling? Is now a good time to
interact with him or her?
2. Another homework assignment for today is to observe timing in others. If you

are in a meeting, notice instances when others seem to be insensitive to timing.
How did it turn out? What might the other person have done differently?
3. Think about a time in the recent past when you were insensitive to timing.
Looking back, what can you learn from it?

E. Lesson 21 Develop Empathy
Your homework for today is to choose two of the strategies for developing empathy,
then be intentional about practicing them. As a reminder, here are the 6 strategies
for increasing empathy that were discussed in the lesson (you can put checkmarks
beside the two that you chose).
Be curious about others
Look for the commonalities between you and others
Try someone else’s lifestyle (or read about it)
Practice empathizing with people who are really different from you
Listen
Try to label how others are feeling
1. Based on the empathy-building activities that you chose, what insights did you have?
Were you better able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes?

2. Did this exercise alert you to any biases you might have?

3. What might you do differently to be more empathetic in the future?
“The great gift of human beings is that we have the

power of empathy.”
~Meryl Streep

Relationship Homework
A. Lesson 23 Examine Your Relationship Attitudes

1. Do I think it is important to build relationships? At work? In other settings? Why or why
not?
2. What are some positive relationship experiences that I have had?

3. What are some negative relationship experiences that I have had?
4. What are my expectations when I am starting a new relationship with

someone?

5. What are some benefits of building relationships with others?

B. Lesson 24 Self-Disclosure
We all vary in terms of how comfortable we are opening up to others. Some people
are open books for whom “what you see is what you get,” whereas others are much
more private. If you are someone who is comfortable being open, then this exercise
is likely to be very easy for you; however, if you are more guarded, then I encourage
you to challenge yourself.
Therefore, your homework for today’s lesson is to practice self-disclosing. If you are
someone who is comfortable being transparent, then keep doing what you’re doing.
If you tend to be private, experiment with disclosing a little more than you normally
would. Don’t feel as though you have to open to floodgates (that may actually
overwhelm the other person), but just be a little more open than you normally would.
Then, answer the self-reflection questions below:
1. How did it feel to self-disclose more than you normally would?

2. How did the other person respond?
3. Did you feel a greater sense of closeness in the relationship?
“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and

transparent anyway.”
~Mother Theresa

C. Lesson 25 Acknowledging Others’ Feelings
Your homework for today is to be very intentional about acknowledging others’
feelings in your interactions. You can try to do it in most of your interactions (you
might not want to do it with everyone - for example, you might just want to say “hello”
to your mail carrier and move on), or you may just choose a few to do for practice.
Remember, to acknowledge others’ feelings effectively, you will need to:
• Listen Mindfully
• Empathize (and try to label the emotion the other person is experiencing)
• Reflect back to them how they are feeling (as naturally as possible)
Experiment with this, and notice what happens!
1. 1. Did you pick up any insights as a result of being intentional about acknowledging
others’ feelings?

2. How did the other person seem to respond to you doing this?
3. Did you notice any difference in communication relative to how your

interactions normally are with that person?

D. Lesson 26 Respond Appropriately to Good News
Your homework is to monitor yourself to make sure you are communicating an active-
constructive response to others’ good news. As a reminder, here are examples of
each of the styles:
• Active-Constructive: “That’s great! Tell me all about it!
• Passive-Constructive: “That’s nice.” (Changes the subject).
• Active-Destructive: “I’m sure it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. You’ll just have more
stress.”
• Passive-Destructive: (Ignores you)
Self-Reflection: When someone shares good news with you, do you notice yourself
being prone to responding in any way that is not active-constructive? If the answer is
yes, what can you do to remind yourself to respond differently?
“Other people’s successes are good news - for them and for you.
Good for you because they show you a way to go.”
~Steve Wynn

E. Lesson 27 Handle Conflict Effectively
Reflect on the following questions to better understand your typical conflict
management style:
1. How do I typically respond to conflict? Am I more prone to “silence” or “violence?”

Does it depend on the situation?
2. Why do I respond in that way? Where did I develop that tendency? Does my family
have a typical conflict management style?

3. When am I most prone to handle conflict poorly? Are there certain situations
or people that “push my buttons?”
4. What can I do to handle conflict more effectively?
While I definitely don’t encourage you to intentionally try to stir up conflict, when
it does occur, make sure to apply the strategies for de-escalating conflict that we
discussed during the lesson. As a reminder, they are:
• Avoid being defensive
• Work to see both sides
• Avoid over-generalizations
• Guard against always having to be right
• Don’t shut down or stonewall
• Use empathy
“Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects
revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a
method is love.”
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

F. Lesson 28 Pulling it All Together
To really apply the information from this course in a way that will most benefit
you, I encourage you to do a self-check to determine which aspects of emotional
intelligence are most difficult for you. Then, with that information in mind, you can
develop some strategies to make sure you work on them in the future.
As a reminder, here are the areas of emotional intelligence we covered in the course
(place a checkmark beside the ones you feel you need to work on the most):
Understanding your strengths Being sensitive to cultural

and weaknesses differences
Getting feedback from others Being sensitive to timing
Identifying your emotions Developing empathy
Being aware of your body Reflecting on your relationship
Understanding yourself under attitudes
stress Self-Disclosing
Having a self-care regimen Acknowledging others’ feelings
Deep breathing Responding appropriately to
Questioning your story good
Cultivating positive emotions news
Doing a post-mortem on Dealing effectively with conflict

mistakes
Reflecting on others’
personalities
Listening

About Patricia Thompson, PhD
Dr. Patricia Thompson is an award-winning corporate psychologist, executive coach, and
author who draws on her expertise in psychology and business experience to help her
clients flourish. For over a decade, she has worked in a variety of settings, assisting a range
of clients in cultivating their innate talents to accomplish their goals.
Based on her passions and a strong sense of purpose, she

founded Silver Lining Psychology to share herknowledge
about how to use the science of positive psychology to
transform her clients’ lives. She also wrote The Consummate
Leader: a Holistic Guide to Inspiring Growth in Others…
and in Yourself, to teach how a mind-body approach that
is grounded in research leads to success in the workplace
and beyond.
Dr. Thompson has been featured in Fast Company, Entrepreneur INC., The Harvard Business
Review, Forbes, and many others, sharing her expertise to help others to live fulfilling lives.
She was also named by MindBodyGreen and Athleta as one of the 100 Women to Watch
in Wellness, along with other notable women such as Arianna Huffington, Cameron Diaz,
Gwyneth Paltrow, Jane Goodall, and Shailene Woodley.
On the way to earning her PhD in psychology, Dr. Thompson was educated at the University
of Toronto, Georgia State University, the University of Pennsylvania, and Emory University’s
School of Medicine. When she is not working with clients, you can find her working out,
practicing pilates, playing the piano, reading, playing tennis, or enjoying the outdoors with
her basketball-obsessed husband and their exuberant son.

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Emotional

Course! You should be proud of yourself

for making this investment in your

personal and professional development!

As Leonardo Da Vinci said, “It had long

since come to my attention that people

of accomplishment rarely sat back and

let things happen to them. They went

out and happened to things.” By working

systematically through this course, you will

be “happening to things” by taking action

towards increasing your communication

and relationship effectiveness.

complete them here. This workbook is designed as an adjunct to my Udemy EQ

Corporate Psychologist, Executive Coach

Author:The Consummate Leader: a Holistic Guide to Inspiring Growth in Others…and in Yourself

Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD 2

Day Lesson(s) to cover

3 Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD

A. Lesson 5 Strengths and Developmental Opportunities

1. What are my top five strengths?

2. What are my top five developmental opportunities?

To learn more about your personality, take my leadership personality at

Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD 4

Person One - Strengths

Person One - Developmental Opportunities

Person Two - Strengths

5 Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD

Person Three - Strengths

Person Three - Developmental Opportunities

“We all need people who will give us feedback.

Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD 6

Time Emotion What was happening?

D. Lesson 8 Body Awareness

E. Lesson 9 Learning About Myself Under Stress

1. What are my pet peeves?

7 Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD

4. When am I most likely to feel overwhelmed?

5. How do I behave differently when I am under stress?

Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD 8

B. Lesson 12 Deep Breathing

C. Lesson 13 Question Your Story

For today’s homework, think of a difficult interpersonal situation you encountered.

9 Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD

Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD 10

5. What might the other person have been thinking?

6. What can you learn from this experience?

11 Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD

Copyright 2019 Patricia Thompson, PhD 12

Another empirically-tested method for improving one’s experience of positive

beneficial to perform all of your acts of kindness on one day, as opposed to

spreading them out across time.

i. Complimenting a stranger sincerely

ii. Paying the toll(s) for others behind you

iii. Bringing in a treat for your colleagues

iv. Giving someone a card or a note for no reason

v. Giving a large tip to a waiter

vi. Making a donation to a homeless shelter

vii. Inviting a co-worker out to lunch

Be curious about others

Look for the commonalities between you and others

Try someone else’s lifestyle (or read about it)

Try to label how others are feeling

Understanding your strengths Being sensitive to cultural

Cultivating positive emotions news

Doing a post-mortem on Dealing effectively with conflict