Cockney Insults: Cleverly Rude Slang Words

& Phrases
Have you ever fallen under t he spell of a Cockney? The t erm was originally reserved for Londoners
who were born wit hin earshot of t he ringing bells of St . Mary-le-Bow, a hist oric church in East
London. Today, t he t erm Cockney is a t ip of t he hat t o good ol' fashioned, hard-working East enders.

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Cockney Rhyming Slang: Origin Story

Cockney insult s display a level of shrewdness t hat ’s difficult t o rival. Cockney rhyming slang may
have been around since t he 16t h cent ury, but it really came t o life in t he 1840s among market
t raders and st reet hawkers. You could compare it t o a secret language. Cockney slang was meant t o
disguise t he t raders’ conversat ion from regular passersby.

Brilliant , right ? Imagine how many unassuming cust omers were t aunt ed! Today, you won’t int eract
wit h t oo many cost ermongers (t hose selling fruit and veget ables from handcart s) as you st roll
t hrough t he st reet s of East London, but , t his is where t he clever way wit h words known as Cockney
slang originat ed. It ’s somet hing t hat ’s endured and is commonly used for sneaky (or obvious) insult s.

Cockney Insult Examples MENU

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Cockney slang insult s are fun and unique phrases, but t hey won't make sense if you don't have a
basic underst anding of how t hey're formed. Cockney sayings are craft ed so t hat t hey rhyme in some
way wit h t he "real" word t hey're meant t o replace. There is no ot her relat ionship bet ween a Cockney
t erm and t he word it replaces.

• Barney Rubble - t rouble. "Here comes Barney Rubble,” a Cockney might say. You could t ake t his
in one of t wo ways, so, hopefully, your Cockney mat es t hink you’re t he good kind of t rouble.
Ot herwise, t hey might be t ossing an insult your way.

• Berkeley hunt - idiot /c*nt . The full phrase Berkeley (or Berkshire) hunt has been short ened t o
"berk," which has become a milder slang word of it s own. Berk means idiot , as in "you're being a
berk."

• bottle and glass - arse. If someone says "bot t le and glass" in your vicinit y, t hey're not asking
how you'd like t o be served a drink. It isn't a perfect rhyme, but it works well enough.

• cobblers awls - balls. While "bollocks" is a common Brit ish slang t erm for balls (in t he cont ext of
t est icles), Cockney slang uses t he phrase cobblers awls t o exclaim t he same sent iment of
"nonsense!" This is somet imes short ened t o just "cobblers" and t he nonsense can even be as big
as "a load of cobblers."
• cows and kisses - missus. Alas, cows and kisses refers t o t he wife. Since not t oo many wives
enjoy being likened t o a cow, t his st ereot ypical Cockney phrase is definit ely a bit of a slur. Those
Cockney boys sure know how t o express t heir love.

• dental flosser - t osser. Cockney slang offers a variet y of ways t o insult someone, so, if a
Cockney calls you a dent al flosser, t hey're not compliment ing your smile. They're saying t hat
you're a jerk.

• elephant ’s trunk - drunk. For as long as t he cat chphrase “drunk as a skunk” is around, t he
Cockneys will have one bet t er. Someone you can't rely on because of t heir love of t he drink just
might be referred t o as a no-good elephant 's t runk.

• Hampton Wick - d*ck. Rat her t han using t he more general slang t erms pr*ck or d*ck, a Cockney
might describe someone who's being annoying as a Hampt on Wick. In modern usage, you'll oft en
hear t he short ened form in t he phrase "he's really get t ing on my wick" meaning someone's being
very annoying.

• King Dick - t hick. If a Cockney calls you King Dick, it 's not a compliment . They're not referring t o
you as royalt y. Inst ead, t hey're making it known t hat t hey t hink you're more t han just a bit st upid.

• merchant banker - w*nker. If someone is being a general pain or a jerk, a Cockney is more likely
t o refer t o t he person as a merchant banker rat her t han a w*nker.

• mockney - fake Cockney. Nobody likes an impost er, right ? There’s no such t hing as an honorary
Cockney, no mat t er how good your accent . You’ve eit her got it or you don’t . And, if you don’t , t he
best you’ll ever be is a mockney.

• north and south - mout h. If someone t ells you t o st op going nort h and sout h, t hey're not
referring t o t he direct ion you're t raveling. Inst ead, chances are t hey're t elling you t o shut your
mout h.

• pen and ink - st ink. If a Cockney ment ions pen and ink, t hey're not asking t o borrow a writ ing
inst rument . It 's a comment about a foul smell, which just might be coming from you (especially if
it immediat ely follows a raspberry t art ).

• pony and trap - crap. If a Cockney figures out t hat you're t elling pork pies (lies) rat her t han t he
t rut h, t hey just might call you on your pony and t rap. That means t hey know what you're saying is
a bunch of crap.

• radio rental - ment al. If a Cockney t ries t o t alk t o you and you don’t answer, t hey might say
you’re a bit radio rent al. That 's t heir way of saying t hat t hey t hink you've got a few screws loose.

• raspberry tart - fart . It wouldn’t be nice t o liken someone t o a raspberry t art . Alt hough t his
baked good is delicious, a Cockney isn't saying you're a yummy t reat - quit e t he opposit e!
• septic tank - yank/yankee. Oh, dear, it seems t he Cockneys don't hold Americans in high est eem.
This t erm is oft en short ened t o just sept ic, and if you don’t like yanks, t hen you’re "List erine,"
because you're ant i-sept ic! Get it ? What a fun play on words!

• skin and blister - sist er. You might sense a t heme here of Cockney insult s not being especially
kind t o women. If your wife is cows and kisses, and your sist er is a skin and blist er (oft en
short ened t o blist er), where does t his leave t he women in a Cockney’s life? Ladies, maybe it 's
t ime t o t urn t he t ide. Aft er all, blist er also rhymes wit h mist er!

• sweaty sock - jock/Scot . Sure enough, a t rue Cockney isn’t biased in his insult s. His sist er may
be a blist er, but he wouldn’t want her dat ing a sweat y sock, i.e. a Scot ! In t his case, sweat y sock
act ually rhymes wit h jock, which is it self a Brit ish slang word for a Scot t ish person. Don't worry,
t he Scot s have t heir own slang for ret ort s.

• tea leaf - t hief. You’d never want t o be t rapped in an alleyway wit h a bunch of Cockneys calling
you a t ea leaf. They’re not asking you t o aft ernoon t ea wit h t he baked bean, a.k.a. t he Queen.
Inst ead, t hey’re calling you a t hief!

More Cockney Slang Sayings

This manner of speaking is not limit ed t o put -downs and snarky remarks. Of course, not every
Cockney inflict s insult and injury on t he average passerby, t here’s also rhyming Brit ish st reet slang for
all part s of everyday life. And, of course, t hese expressions can cert ainly be used in an insult ing way
or combined wit h a st ereot ypical insult .

• almond rocks - socks. On a cold wint er morning, you can be sure a st reet vendor was wearing his
warmest pair of almond rocks! For an insult ing t wist , someone could t ell you t hat your almond
rocks remind t hem of raspberry t art s.

• baked bean - queen. Even monarchs aren't immune t o Cockney slang! What manner of creat ive
rhyme has been devised t o refer t o Her Majest y t he queen? None ot her t han t he unceremonious
moniker of baked bean. If you know someone who's put t ing on airs, you might feel t he need t o
remind her t hat she's no baked bean.

• battlecruiser - boozer. At t he pub, lat e on a Friday night , you might spot a bat t lecruiser or t wo.
That is, a heavy boozer! There are a lot of slang words for get t ing drunk, t hough t his is one of
t he more creat ive opt ions. The office bat t lecruiser is t he one who can't hold his or her liquor
wit hout act ing a fool.

• bees and honey - money. At t he end of a hard day, as a couple of friends enjoy each ot her’s
company over a pint of beer, t hey might discuss t heir bees and honey. That means t hey're t alking
 about t heir money. Such chat t er could t urn int o insult s quit e easily, especially if one friend
always expect s t he ot her t o cough up t he bees when it 's t ime t o set t le t he t ab.

• brass tacks - fact s. Here’s a fun one. This bit of Cockney made it across t he pond; many
Americans t alk about get t ing down t o brass t acks. Did you ever wonder what t hat meant ? It ’s
t ime t o get down t o t he cold, hard fact s (a near rhyme, but close enough). If you're known for
wast ing t ime, people might say t hat you don't have t he gumpt ion t o get down t o brass t acks.

• bubble bath - laugh. Back t o t hose pals at t he pub, discussing t heir bees and honey. Somewhere
along t he line, you can be sure t hey part ook in a bubble bat h. No, t hey didn't jump in t he t ub.
Inst ead, t hey had a big ol’ belly laugh. How do you respond t o an insult t hat 's also funny? Wit h a
bubble, of course. It can also be used t o express disbelief in t he same way as "are you joking?" -
"are you 'avin' a bubble?"

• dicky dirt - shirt . Come Sat urday morning, we hope all t hose st reet vendors found a clean dicky
dirt t o wear t o work. This is especially t rue if your dicky dirt has seen bet t er days and now has
t he odor of a raspberry t art .

• Duke of Kent - rent . You might t hink t his refers t o royalt y, but alas it does not . All t heir hust ling
on t he London st reet s will be wort h it when t hey’ve got t he bees and honey t o pay t he Duke of
Kent on t ime. When insult ing how skint (Brit ish slang for broke) someone is, one might point out
t hat t he individual can't come up wit h t heir Duke of Kent .

• Mutt and Jeff - deaf. Perhaps you simply didn’t hear t he person t alking t o you. No mat t er; t hey
spoke and you did not respond, so t hey might decide t hat if you're not Mut t and Jeff you're just
being rude.

• Tom and Dick - sick. Let ’s hope t hat no one awakes feeling Tom and Dick t he next morning. It
seems like t he Cockneys are a bunch who like t o work hard, play hard. Aft er get t ing elephant 's
t runk, it 's not t oo uncommon t o feel Tom and Dick. You might say t hat someone makes you Tom
and Dick if t heir behavior is offensive t o you.

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Making Sense of Cockney Slang

When you hear people using Brit ish st reet slang like t his, especially insult s, you might find yourself in
need of a Cockney t ranslat or. In order t o figure out what Cockney sayings mean, it 's import ant t o
consider how t his t ype of slang is creat ed in t he first place. Using t he st eps below, you can even
generat e your own t erms t hat follow t he t radit ion of Brit ish st reet slang.

• First , you find a word you want t o emulat e using Cockney slang. For example, maybe you want t o
t alk about someone’s wife. The phrase “t rouble and st rife” rhymes wit h “wife.” So, a Cockney
might say somet hing like: “Wat ch out , Fred’s t rouble and st rife is st omping down t he st reet .”

• Some would argue t hat “wife” and “t rouble and st rife” are not just rhymes, but also synonyms.
Therein lies t he brilliance of it all. It ’s t he int elligence of t he rhymes (and t he veiled slurs) t hat
make Cockney insult s unique.

• While t here’s an edge of “mean,” Cockney insult s have never really been about t hat . It ’s more
about t he cleverness and t he fun. This t echnique just might be linked in some ways t o popular
lit erary devices.

• Oft en Cockney phrases are short ened so t hey lose t he rhyming connect ion wit h t heir meaning.
So don't be confused if you get int o Barney for having a bubble when your friend's blister blows a
raspberry.
Language Worth a Butcher’s Hook (Look)

Can you imagine showing up t o work every day wit h a bunch of friends who’ve developed t heir own
language of t rickery? The bubble bat hs are sure t o make t he workday fly by. These guys were
pushing t heir creat ivit y t o t he limit while earning money t o pay t heir Duke of Kent and indulging in a
pint or t wo. If t hat didn’t make for a happy memory, what could? It ’s good t o see t hat t he creat ivit y
of Cockney slang lives on. Some Cockney t erms have even made it int o everyday language, as wit h
writ ers who love t o get down t o brass t acks when gearing up for t he next essay or report . Now t hat
you've explored t his subset of UK slang, broaden your horizons by learning even more Brit ish slang.

Mary Gormandy White

MID D LE SC HO O L HIGH SC HO O L C O LLE GE

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