Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg.

A QuickStart Guide: Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma and
Develop Greater Calm and Compassion
by Ruth Buczynski, PhD
with Richard Schwartz, PhD

1. How to Get Interfering “Parts” of

a Client to Step Back

According to Dr. Schwartz, everyone has different

parts of themselves and, some of those parts can
become destructive following trauma. Here, Dr.
Schwartz illustrates how he helps a client shift the
roles of those inner parts to allow for more
productive dialogue.

Let’s say I have a client and I’m working with the

part that makes them binge and I get them into a
more mindful place relative to it so we’re having a
decent conversation, and suddenly, my client is
getting angry at that part.

It reminds me of situations in family sessions where

I might be talking to a teenage girl and having her
talk to her mother and I’m trying to have a better
dialogue between them but she gets angry at the
mother. You look around and the father is siding
with the daughter against the mother. You have him
move back in the room, she calms down, and things
go better.

Maybe the same thing happens in the inner system

when I’m having a client talk to one inner part, and
some other part that is polarized doesn’t like it
interfering so I ask the client, “Could you get the
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 2

one who hates the binging part to step back? Now,

how do you feel toward it?”

I would find that they would shift entirely as these

other polarized parts would relax into a state that
we’d call mindfulness. In that state, clients could
have a decent dialogue with whatever the target
part was and things would start to change.

I would ask about this and say, “Who is that?” The

client would say, “That’s not really a part like these
others. That’s more of who I really am.”

We call that the Self with a capital S and this Self is

in everybody. This is a fairly quick way to access
what can become an internal leader – the one who
possesses great qualities like curiosity, calm,
confidence, compassion, and clarity. (p. 5-6 in your
transcript)

2. When the Caretaking Part Takes

Over

Dr. Schwartz describes an arthritis study he

conducted at the Brigham and Women’s Hospital.
He explains how he helped participants challenge
their internal caretaker part so they could begin to
relate differently to it.

I had 40 rheumatoid arthritis patients and a control

group of 40 and they did about nine months of this
work once a week with individual and group
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 3

therapy.

This was a group of people who had never done

therapy – they were from the south end of Boston, I
think that’s the right term, Irish Catholic women, by
and large, who’d never been in therapy and we
were able to convince them to try to listen inside a
little more.

We would have them, for example, focus on their

pain. We would ask, “How do you feel?” They would
say, “Terrible – I hate it – It’s ruining my file – It
cripples my body.”

Then, we would say, “Okay, but can you get all the
parts of you that hate it to just relax a little bit? Can
you get them to step back? Can you be a little
curious about it?”

Just as in mindfulness, we were trying to help them

to separate from the pain and yet be more open to
it.

Unlike the traditional way that mindfulness might

be used, we wanted to start a dialogue with the
pain or the parts connected to the pain.

I wanted to get clients to a point where they would

say, “Well, I’m curious about it.” Then, I would say,
“Okay, ask this pain if there’s something it wants
you to know about itself.”

This was the beginning of an inner-dialogue. The

more or less standard profile of the arthritis
patients was, “Why are you giving me this pain?”
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 4

The answer that came back, and this was without

them thinking, was a response like, “I hate you – I
want to cripple you.” I would ask them to stay
curious about that and ask, “Why?”

They would hear, “Because you don’t ever take care

of yourself – You take care of everybody else and
you never take care of yourself – You just exploit it
and I can’t stand it and so I’m going to make it so
you can’t keep doing that.”

Then, we’ll negotiate. We’ll go to that caretaking

part that does take care of everybody else and ask,
“Would you have to give her so much pain.”

They’ll hear, “No, but I don’t think you can actually

change that. She’s so identified with that and she
just does it automatically.” Then, we’ll ask, “Would
you let us give it a try?”

At this point, I would have patients focus on this

overactive caretaking part of them and ask, “How
do you feel toward that? Could we get you to
separate from that identification a little bit?

How do you feel toward this part that tells you to

take care of everyone else all the time?”

They’ll often say that taking care of everyone else is

“a drag sometimes.” Then, we’ll say, “Okay, can we
get the ones that want you to take care of
everybody else all the time to step back?”

Again, by getting curious about the caretaker –

having an inner-dialogue with it and asking what
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 5

would happen if it didn’t take care of everybody

else, we help it unload some of the beliefs it has
about, “People will abandon me – People won’t like
me.”

We do a lot of work to help that part see that it

doesn’t have to keep doing all the caretaking, and
then we come back to the parts that are using the
pain and there’s more harmony.

Now we can negotiate a different way for them to

relate to their family that doesn’t have to involve
that pain. (pp. 9-10 in your transcript)

3. How to Introduce the Idea of

“Inner Parts” to a Client

Initially, clients may not be open to the idea of

listening to and working with inner parts. Here, Dr.
Schwartz outlines his approach in normalizing inner
parts work for his patients. He then describes how
he helps people get to know their inner parts and
begin to make changes.

As people talk about their problems, they’ll say,

“You know, I’ve got this physical symptom and I
have a lot of anxiety about it and I have a lot of
guilt, too.”

I’ll say, “One part of you feels very anxious. Is that

right?” They’ll say yes and I’ll say, “And another part
of you is criticizing you for having it and doing this
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 6

to your family. Is that right?”

They’ll say yes to that, too.

We’ll continue to look at other parts in this way and

within a few minutes, I can help identify a bunch of
different parts that are related to their problem.

By this point, people don’t say, “What do you mean

parts?” By now this is the word we’ve been using.

Then, I’ll say, “Would you like to get to know some

of these parts of yourself better and maybe change
the way they operate?”

When they say yes, I’ll start the process which

involves just focusing on that part of them that feels
so afraid or anxious, and I’ll say, “See if you can find
that part in your body?”

People can readily identify where it’s located in

their body. So, I’ll say, “How do you feel toward it
right now?” They’ll often say, “I don’t like it. It
makes me so scared.”

All of that, most people can do, but when I say,

“Maybe ask a question and see what it wants you to
know.”

Some people will say, “What do you mean? What

do you mean by that?”

But again, you’d be amazed at the number of

people that just do it. I’ll say, “We don’t want to
figure out what it’s going to say. We’re just going to
wait for an answer.” You’d be amazed at how many
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 7

people just say, “Okay, this is what it is saying.”

Then we’re off and running.

(p. 12)

4. How to Work with Parts That Are

Frozen in Time

When a person has experienced trauma, they can

develop extreme beliefs and emotions about what
happened to them. Often, according to Dr.
Schwartz, these beliefs take on the role of an inner
protector. Here he illustrates how he might engage
with an inner protector to identify when that role
was created, in order to find out what the client
needed at the time.

If you’re working with one of your own protectors,

say the critic, for example, I would have you
interview it and say, “What are you afraid would
happen if you didn’t do this to Ruth – if you weren’t
on her back all the time?

You might hear back, “You might be hurt.” Then I

would say, “Oh, okay, so you’re trying to protect her
from being hurt, is that right?”

The critic would say, “Yeah, that’s right.”

I would ask, “Was there a time in her life that you

really had to step in and do that? Or where in her
life did you skip this job of protecting her? Where in
the past did you get this job of showing her –
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 8

protecting her from being hurt this way?”

You would start to see a scene or often a time

period and then I would say, “How old is that girl?”

She might be 10 years old. Then, I would say, “How

do you feel toward that 10 year old now that you
see her?”

She would hear, “I feel very sorry for her – that

she’s being berated by her mother…” or whenever it
is.

Then, I would say, “Okay, Ruth, I’d like you to go

into that scene and be with that child in

a way that she needed somebody.”

You would say, “Okay, I’m in there.”

I’d say, “How are you being with her?”

You’d say, “I’m holding her. I’m trying to tell the

mother to back off. I’m protecting her.”

Then, I would say, “Okay. How is she reacting?”

You’d say, “She’s really happy that I’m there.”

Then we could have you take that little girl to a safe

place and at that point, she’d be willing to unload
these emotions in the way that she’d been carrying
them.

This is a model of healing – it’s transforming the

parts of us that are frozen to past places and letting
them back into their naturally valuable states by
unloading what we call the burdens they carry – the
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 9

extreme beliefs and emotions they got from the

trauma. (pp. 15-16 in you transcript)

5. Applying Inner-Parts Work to

Resolve Couples’ Conflicts

Dr. Schwartz discusses how Internal Family Systems

work can be applied when working with couples. He
describes how he works as a “referee” to encourage
couples to speak from more open-hearted,
compassionate places rather than protective parts.

Most couples come in and they’re having what we

call parts-wars. There is very little of the Self around
at least in my office and mostly there are protective
parts doing the talking – they’re blended with those
protectors.

Often I can find myself in that place with my wife –

we’re like little kids talking to each other – they feel
the shame and they feel bad that they can’t control
themselves.

So, I will stop the action when I see that and then I’ll
say, “You can do what you want outside of here, but
in my office, I’m not going to let you go up against
each other.

We’re going to create a lot of safety. I want to be

given permission from each of you that when I see
these parts of you get going, I can blow the whistle
and stop everything.
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 10

I can have you both focus inside and not come back
until you can speak from a more open hearted place
about these parts. I want you to speak for your
parts rather than from your parts.”

Again, most people try to get this right away and I’m
glad they give me permission – they know what it
feels like to be out of control – in a way, they want
somebody to slow it all down and be the referee.

So, I then hold people in this place I call the Self

when they talk to each other, and when you can do
that, everything changes. I don’t even have to do
that much.

I just have them talk to each other from this place

with compassion and all the C words I was talking
about, and they start to work out their own
problems.

(pp. 20-22 in your transcript)

6. Helping Clients Begin the

Conversation with Their Pain

When a client needs to give a voice to their inner

pain, how do you help them begin the
conversation? In the example below, Dr. Lanius
describes her work in helping a client find safety
while listening to his child self.

Having the capacity to actually start engaging in a

dialogue about your pain immediately makes you
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 11

feel less alone and makes you be able to use social

supports within.

One example I have was a man who had been

severely traumatized, and he had a child part of
himself that he heard inside of his head as
screaming, really calling out for an adult part of
himself. And he was very frightened of that voice.

And so an adult part of him kept saying to the child

part of him, “Shut up. You don’t deserve to speak. I
don’t want to know about what you have to say.”

And so, as you can imagine, incredible conflict

arose, and he became quite suicidal.

And so we slowly broached the topic of, “What

would it be like for you to have a conversation
between these two parts of yourself?” And initially,
he was very hesitant and very overwhelmed by this.

And I said, “Okay. Of course we’re going to go at a

pace that feels safe for you. What would you
need?”

And he said, “Well, I’d have to really separate these

two parts. I want them at the opposite corner of the
room, you know, really imagine them far apart.”

I said, “Sure. We’ll go with that.”

And then very slowly, at a pace that felt safe with

him, he began some conversation and some
empathy for these two parts, to understand where
they were coming from, so really helping him to
mentalize each part of himself.
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 12

And through that, over time, these parts became

much more comfortable, and they started to move
closer to each other, whereas after about six
months, he came in and he had drawn a picture of
the adult self actually holding the child self.

And this really coincided with him having

significantly increased self-compassion. He had
significantly more positive emotion. (p. 7 in your
Talkback transcript)

7. How to Help a Client Feel

Vulnerable When They’ve “Exiled”
That Part

Often, clients’ inner vulnerability has been exiled

from a very young age – they’ve suffered painful
consequences from revealing it. And the shame
they’ve experienced as a result becomes
internalized as an inner judgmental critic. Here, Dr.
Ron Siegel describes how he applied inner parts
work in helping a client reclaim vulnerability.

One of the common protector parts is the inner

judgmental critic of which we’re all usually pretty
familiar, both in our own minds, as well as in the
minds of the people with whom we work.

And what comes to mind is a particular client of

mine who had basically a tough, male-dominated
upbringing with competitive, abusive brothers, and
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 13

a pretty narcissistic dad. He grew up seeing the

world as being very much divided into winners and
losers, and he needed to be a winner in dad’s eyes,
because dad needed his sons to be a winner, but he
also couldn’t surpass his dad.

So, he was in a bit of a double blind.

And at the same time, by nature, he was a cute,

cuddly kid who kind of wanted to be close to his
mom – but his mom didn’t have a lot of power in
this system, and he was relentlessly humiliated by
his brothers.

He’d tell me about stories about being pinned down

by his older brother who would — I won’t
demonstrate it because it’s a little gross, but —
make a wad of spit, basically hanging just above him
to threaten him until he finally lets it go, pulling his
pants down to take photos and stuff.

And he could never show his vulnerability because

to show your vulnerability was like red meat to
these guys. It was just more opportunity.

So, he was deeply ashamed of his vulnerability,

deeply ashamed of his anxiety, deeply ashamed of
his desire just to be held and loved, and he actually
drank to keep these things at bay a great deal.

So, we started talking a lot about the protector part

since I knew he was very uncomfortable with his
vulnerability. We started talking a lot about, “How
did you learn that the world was divided into
winners and losers? How did you learn that it was
Working with a Client’s Inner Systems to Heal Trauma Richard Schwartz, PhD - QuickStart - pg. 14

absolutely unsafe to show that you were scared or

to show that you had longings for comfort and
closeness? Do you remember about how old you
were when you made the decision — none of that;
I’m not going to go near that?”

And once we were able to talk about that and

honor, if you will, how sensible it was for him to
exile the vulnerable part, then we could start to talk
about the vulnerable part a bit.

And he would become close to tears or start to cry,

and then he would really hate me for it. He’d say, “I
can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”

And then it would be about letting him be in charge

of the pacing really and saying, “I get it.” I may think
it’s okay and a good thing to feel this, but if you
don’t feel that way . . .

Let you be in charge of the pacing – which he did,

but he still wanted to know more and more and
allow to speak more and more the vulnerable part
and eventually did, and is now much, much more
comfortable with all these different parts of himself.
(pp. 8-9 in your Talkback transcript)