Woman's tongue and man's eye,

Relax only when they die!!!

_____________________________________________________________________
DARE TO ANSWER !!
What's Your Facebook password ?
________________________________________________________________________-
If Your Father Is A Poor Man.
It is your fate but....
If Your Father-In-Law Is A Poor Man
It's Your Stupidity
___________________________________________________________
GIRL: Fuck Me baby.
Boy: I don't fuck virgin girls,
GIRL: Why??
Boy:I hate violence, so i don't like blood and screams.....
_________________________________________________________________---

�
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------
ARGUMENTS
http://www.africanoutlookonline.com/index.php?
option=com_content&view=article&id=2897:libyan-rebels-rape-16-year-old-nigerian-
girl-father-abducted&catid=29:courts-a-crime&Itemid=53
http://www.infowars.com/libyan-rebels-try-to-arrest-nato-critics/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6788slUphc
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-14965062
http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2011/06/01/un-libya-rebels-guilty-of-war-
crimes.html
________________________________________________________________
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn�t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won�t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the
phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and
dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There�s no use in two people remembering
the same thing!
_________________________________________________
Face your problems. Don't Facebook your problems.....
_______________________________________________
What's the difference between women at ages of 8, 18 , 28, 38 and 48?
Age 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
Age 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
Age 28 - You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed.
Age 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
Age 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. :
_______________________________
To make it stand, she holds it.
To make it smooth, she licks it
To make it enter, she pushes it in.
It is not easy to thread a needle.
Like if you thought of something else ;
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A Man on Death Bed confesses to his Wife
"I had an Affair with ur Sister , you Friend & the Maid...
Please FORGIVE Me:(
WIFE : I know Honey...Now Relax & "Let the POISON WORK"
__________________________________________
3 men were in Prison: A Rapist, A Psycho & A Gay.
Rapist: If I Find a Cat here I will fuck it hard till it Dies!
Psycho: Oh Yeah! & Once its dead I will fuck it till I die!
Gay Standing in the Corner Softly Says: *Meeoowww*
________________________________________
I told a girl that me and my two friends can satisfy her,
and she slapped me.
Then I told her that my two friends were Visa and Mastercard
, and I walked away. Now she won't stop following me. phuf
____________________________________
Women have 4 tyeps of sex.....
1.Asthmatic-->Ah aah,ah, ah
2. Obident-->yeh oh yes oh yea,
3.Greedy--> More , more more plese
4.Religious-->Oh God, oh God
______________________________________________
A boy loves his classmate girl alot, but never proposed her
One day he decided to tell her at 1am that he loves her,
nd wrote a long msg on how he felt about her
As the next day was there last day in school..
He sent her the text n after a few min got reply,
he decided to see the msg next morning and slept
next day he read the msg, it said:

" your account balance is insufficient , message cannot be deliviered

__________________________________________________________
Super Insult
Husband to wife: Darling what would you think if i Get in relation with your
bestfriend?
Smart Wife: I would think that you are gay ;)
_________________________________________________________________
If "Need" is the mother of "Invention",
Then "Frustration" is the father of "Masterbation" ;
___________________________________________________________________
All the girls who die for a '0' figure, Remember; Real men go for curves, only dogs
go for bones!
Teacher to liitle johhny: "Name the 3 great kings of All time".
Johny : "Drin-KING, Smo-KING and Fuc-King
_________________________________________________________
Girl: Im warning you, my Mummy is coming back in half an hour..
Boy: But I m not doing anything..
Girl: Thats why Im warning you..
Hurry up !
_____________________________________________________________
A Boy Failed In exam.
He Said 2 His Teacher: I'll ask U a Questn. If u dnt answr u'll hve 2 give me A
Grade"
Teacher: ok
Student: Whts Legal bt Not Logical, Logical bt Not Legal & Neither Logical Nor
Legal?
Teacher Cudnt Answer..He Gave Him A Grade..
Later d Studnt Answrd:
Sir, U R 63 Yrs Old & Ur Wife Is 30. Dats Legal bt Not Logical.
Ur Wife hz a 25 Yrs Old Boyfrnd, Its Logical bt Not Legal.
Now U've Given Ur Wive's Lovr A Grade. Dats Niether Logical Nor Legal
__________________________________________________________

Man asks hooker: "How much?

She says: "�50 on bed, �30 on sofa and �10 on grass"
He hands her �50.
"She says: "You are man of class!"
He says: "Class my arse! I want it 5 times on grass!

___________________________________________________________________________
Professor:
I dont mind when students look at their watches during Lectures....
But
It gets on nerves when they remove their watch, shake it to see
"Is IT WORKING?"...
____________________________________________________________________________
Wife: can u help me in garden?
Husband: what do u think, i m gardner??
Wife: can u fix door handle?
Husband: wt do u think, i m a carpenter?
In d evening when husband came from d work, he saw everything has been fixed.
He asked wife who fixed this.
Wife:"our neighbour. But he gave me 2 optns. Either i shoud give him burger or a
kiss.
Husband: I m sure u must
have given a burger.
Wife:"Wt do u think, i m
"Mc'Donald s'
__________________________________________________________________________
Definition of life ::
"When I Got Enough Confidence...." The Stage Was Gone !
"When I Was Sure Of Losing," I Won !
"When I Needed People The Most," They Left Me !
"When I Learn't To Dry My Tears," I Found A Shoulder To Cry On !
"When I Became Busy," I Got Friendz !
"When I Mastered The Skill Of Hating," SomeBody Started 'LOVING' Me !
"After Waiting For Dawn I Fell Asleep,& The Sun Came Out !:x
Thats life...
______________________________________________________________________________
Most STUPID questions people usually ask in obvious situation.
1. At movies: hey! Wt r u doing here?
Me: I sell tickets in black here. Don't u know?
2. In bus:A fat lady steps on my feet: Sorry did that hurt?
Me: No not at all. I'm on local anesthesia . y don u try again?:O
3. When i got woken up at midnight by a call: sorry! Were u sleeping?
Me: Na! I was doing research on whether monkeys in Africa marry or not. U thought i
was sleeping,u stupid fool?
4. when they c me with shorter hair: hey Have u had a haircut?
Me: Nah! Its autumn. my hairs shedding.!
5. When sm1 call on land-line n asks where r u?
Me: M in market with telephone around my neck
_______________________________________________________________________
A Boy sends a Text,
Boy: Hey.
Girl (To Herself):
OMG he just texted me.. I wonder what he wants..may b he just wants 2 talk..
or may b he's mad at me, bt all he said was hey.. I shud just answer him, don't
want 2 keep him waiting.
.well may b I'll wait more 3 mints so he thinks Im busy..no, thats too obvious.
Cud this mean he's into me?? Or he's just bored? Either way is fine..I mean I
don't care if he likes me back.
Who said that I even liked him? Huhh..Im gonna text back now. shud I reply hi or
hey. Hey with 3 y's?
No, thats stupid. 2 y's work. He wont know if I did it on purpose or if it was
accidental. OK! I got this.
Breath in, Breath Out.
Girl: Heyy.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Life taught me a lot of Lessons
but
I missed the classes
__________________________________________________]
A Wife Hit Her Husband With Frying Pan:
Husband: What was that for?
Wife: I found a paper in your Pocket, with the
name Jenny on it.
Husband: I played a Race last week and Jenny
was the name of my Horse. Wife: Sorry!
Next day, Wife again hit him with the Frying
Pan.
Husband: Why?
Wife: Your Horse is on the Phone.
_________________________________________________________
Who said English is easy, fill this blanks with YES or NO
.1. ______ I don't have a brain.
2. ______ I dont have sense.
3. ______ I am stupid.
Answer these questions
____________________________________________________
BROCALI : I look like a tree...
WALNUT: I look like a brain..
MUSHROOM: I look like an Umbrella...
BANANA: Dude change the topic..
________________________________________________
Boy setting password for his Laptop with his
Girl Friend sitting beside him...
He types "Brain" as password.
Girl Friend fell off the chair Laughing
b'coz
Laptop replied:
" Its TOO SHORT
___________________________________________________
The Problem With Guys:
They Make You Believe
They Love When They Don�t
The Problem With Girls:
They Make You Believe
They Don�t Love You When They Do
Latest research :-
"Boys Always remain faithful to girlfriend....!!!"
bt
Which girlfrnd...?
Dats still a topic of research! ;)
___________________________________________________
Interviewer Asked Candidate:
"How Many Senses Does
A Man Have ... ?"
... Candidate Replied: "5 Sir!!"
Interviewer: "Sorry Kid,
There Is A 6th Sense Also
& That's Common Sense..
Which You Don't Seem To
Have. . ."
Candidate: "Sir, There Is 7th Sense
Also... That's Non-Sense
Which You Are Talking. .
________________________________________*
8 Planets. .
204 Countries. .
809 Islands. .
7 Seas. .
6,000,000,000+ People..........
AND M STILL ALONE..!!
_____________________________________
Before Exam :-
Boy to Girl - All the Best
Girl - All the best to U too
Result Declared - Girl Scored 90% and Boy Failed
MORAL - Only Boys wish with TRUE HEART
_____________________________________________________
Teach me to stop caring
When I think of what we were
Teach me to stop crying
When I see you there with her
Show me how to live again
When you're not here with me
Show me how to fight the fact
That we're not meant to be

Tell me that I'll be alright

And my life will be okay
Without you right here by my side
To hold my hand each day
Let these teardrops wash away
Don't let this heartbreak last...
Let me let go like you did
For you've forgotten me so fast.
________________________________________-
If a BARBER makes a mistake, its a new style
If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, its a new law.
If a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, its a new invention.
If a TAILOR makes a mistake, its a new fashion.
If a TEACHER makes a mistake, its a new theory.
If a STUDENT makes a mistake, its a"MISTAKE
___________________________________________
Teachr: Wat wil u do aftr growng up?:)
Studnt: Facebooking:)
T: NO! I mean wat wil uBECUM?:/
S: Admin of facebook pages8-)
T: OMG! I MEAN wat wil u ACHIEVE aftr u grow up?:|
S: Facebook Admin Rights;)
T: IDIOT! I MEAN wat wil u do 4 ur PARENTS?:>
S: I create a page 4 thm onfacebooK. I LUV MOM n DAD
T: Stupid! Wat do ur parents want frm U?:
S: My facebook password :p
T: Oh God! Wat IS DA PURPOSE OF UR LIFE?
S: Facebook bt nvr face book :D
____________________________________________
Fri(END)
Boyfri(END)
Girlfri(END)
BESTFRI(END)
Everything Has An END Except ���
Fam(ILY) <= It Has �I LOVE YOU�
__________________________________________
A short walk is so Difficult when no one walks with u.
But a long Journey is just like a few steps when...
a street dog is running behind u..
__________________________________________________
Dear Facebook, Every time I add a girl you ask me "Do you know her?"
Just Tell Me Is she your sister..???
_________________________________________________________
Height of OVER CONFIDENCE
A Man Marrying His Own Secretary Thinking She
Will Follow Orders As Before
_______________________________________________
How too fool People on Facebook :)
See More
________________________________________________
A"Genious" Santa wrote to"Bill GATES:
"Sir,I have some Questions to Ask 2 U?
1.The Letters on Keyboard are Not in Proper Order,when will the Corrected Version
be Released?
2.There is a Start Button,but No Stop Button?
3.We've Used"Ms-Word,when will Mr-Word be Released?
4.There is No"Any-Key" Button on Keyboard,while Computer Frequently asks to press
Anykey
Finally,a Personal Question,
Why is Ur Name"Gates",even though U Sell"Windows"
____________________________________________________________________
If you can read this you have a strong mind:
TH15 M3554G3
53RV35 TO PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5
C4N D0 4M4Z1NG TH1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 TH1NG5! 1N TH3
B3G1NN1NG 1T WA5 H4RD BUT NOW,
ON TH15 LIN3 YOUR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 1T 4UT0M4T1C4LLY W1TH OUT 3V3N
TH1NK1NG 4B0UT 1T, B3 PROUD!
0NLY C34RT41N P30PL3
C4N R3AD TH15.
you can understand
______________________________________________________________
�To create a relation is
as simple as to write SAND with SAND on SAND�.
while to maintain a relation is
as difficult as to write WATER with WATER on WATER..
___________________________________________________________
I AM_
BAD in ENGLISH
BUT
i can tell you
that I LOVE YOU.
I am BAD in GEOGRAPHY
BUT
i can tell you
thAt you LIVE in my HEART.
I am BAD in HISTORY
BUT
I can REMEMBER
when i FIRST saw you.
I am BAD in CHEMISTRY
BUT
I can tell
WHATS the REACTION
when you SMILE.
I am BAD in PHYSICS
BUT
I can tell the
INTENSITY of SPARK of my EYES
when they SEE you.
I am BAD in every SUBJECT
BUT
I can TELL ALL
I will PASS all SUBJECTS
if the TOPIC is YOU
_____________________________________________________________
.. Gfriend :� �Its 2 tight Boyfriend: Dont worry,Ill put it slowly,
Girlfriend :Push it in
Boyfriend:Ah Ah..I cant
Girlfriend :oh oh Its painful
Boyfriend: Forget it. . . . .
Well buy new WEDDING RING!
___________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________
Double HEART attack message by a girl to a boy:- 1st Msg: Lets break up now, its
all over. . . . . . . . 2nd Msg: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry! That was not for you.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________
Babe is it in? (YEAH) is it hurting? (UH-HUH) let me put it in slowly (IT STILL
HURTS) OK lets try another shoe size.
___________________________________________________________________________________
_____________-
Teacher asks Girl: Which part of Human body Expands 10 times its normal size..?
Girl: I can't answer this question I feel shy...!
Teacher asks same question to a boy.
Boy replies: Its the Pupil of Human Eye. Teacher: Right!
Then turns to the girl: Listen girl your thinking is wrong and your expectations
are too high :
___________________________________________________________________________________
________________
'Most interesting line written on the front of T-shirt of a girl, . . . . . . .
Excuse me ! My face is above...� �
___________________________________________________________________________________
______________________
Ultimate reply on cellphone: Boy: "i got new girlfriend, She is smarter,
intelligent and hotter than you..
so give me my photo back..." . . . . . . Girl sent 47 boyfriend's photo's and said:
"i forgotten ur face Darling so plz select ur photo yourself and send back d
remaining.." Boy shocked.. :'( Girl rocked
___________________________________________________________________________________
__
A 15 year_ old holds hands with her year old son . People call her slut no one
knows she was raped at 13
people call a man fat no one knows he has serious disease
people call an old man ugly face they dont know that face coz he had an injury
while fighting 4 country
___________________________________________________________________________
Albert Einstein asked: How to write 4 between 5?
1)China said: Joke!
2)Japan said: impossible! 3)American said: Wrong question!
4)Greece said: foolish question!
5)UK Said : Not found on the internet.... Impossible!
6) Syrian Said :"F(IV)E"
"I'm not only perfect but I am Syrian too" � �
_________________________________________________________________________----
Shoes never meet yet share the same ground, The moon and the sun couldn't be one
yet cross the same sky
, Same with friends who didn't meet often, But never stop being friends
_______________________________________________________________________________
In exam
children were given to write an essay on mother
a cute child wrote:''combination of million words from all alphabets can never
express my loving mom''
______________________________________________________________________________
Short Stories
After three years of marriage, Wife was still questioning her husband about his
past..
"so tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you relation
with?" "Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you will get angry ".
Wife promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her husband to tell her.
"Okay," he said,
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine,
___________________________________________________________________________________
______________________
PATIENT: "Doc, my GIRL FRIEND is very, very sexy & pretty but unfaithful.
Every Friday she goes to WOODY's Bar, picks up men,
fu...cks them! What should I do?" DOCTOR: "Ok. Take a deep breath & calm down. Now
tell me, WHERE EXACTLY IS WOODY's Bar?"
___________________________________________________________________________________
________-

A Boy loved a Girl But the Girl didn't love him.. Boy said that he'll change her
Hatred into love & said that he'll Stand in Front of her House Till Next 100 Days..

Storms & Rains came but the boy didn't moved.. The girl startd falling in love with
him on 99th day..
Girl decided that she'll say that she also Loves him.. With the rise of Sun of
100th day the girl Went out but the boy wasn't there..
She found a paper on which it was written " you stay At home And Enjoy your
snacks... I got committed to your neighbor
___________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________
Difference Between Girls & Boys
If A Girl Meets With.Accident, Then Its Mistake Of Others.
If A Boy, Hey Man.. Dont You Know How To Drive..." When A Girl Cries,
"The World Consoles Her." But When A Boy Cries, "Come On Man Don't Be A Girl..."
___________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________
*Who's GUILTY Here?* A wife is dreaming in bed,She suddenly wakes up and shouts
, "Quickly! My husband is at home!" her husband wakes up and jumps out of the
window :p
___________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________
what is difference between,st ress..tension..and...pa nic?
stress is when wife is pregnant
tension when girlfriend is pregnant nd panic when both are pregnant.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
Teacher told roy to write a sentence in which hand comes roy wrote:"My penis in ur
hand"
Teacher slapped Roy why? B'coz he forgot to put space between Pen & is... ;->
____________________________________________________________
If you wanna make someone look crazy on Facebook.. . . . . . . . .
Just comment on their status and When they reply back delete your comment... !
____________________________________________________________________
A boy got rejected & A girl got selected in an interview for the same
reason.... . . . ...............The first button of shirt was open..:-
___________________________________________________________________________________
_________________
A Man Joined FACEBOOK His Son Wrote On His Wall "W T F Dad"
Man Replied: What the hell, You've got no respect for me?
Kid Replied: Dad Chill, It Means "Welcome To Facebook"
_______________________________________________________________________________
What's The Most Popular Word That Begins With 'F' & Ends With
'K'? . . . . .... . . . . . . Its *FACEBOOK*
__________________________________________________________________________________
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself.
=>Moral of the story; in life, no one helps you once you're fucked.
___________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________
Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband,
"I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic
compliment ?"
Husband replied, "Your eyesight is still excellent. "
___________________________________________________________________________________
__
WHEN BOYS ARE WRONG Girl - you broke my favorite lamp !!
Boy - it was an accident, I didn't mean to! Girl - I can't believe you did Dis.
Boy - I'm SORRY..:( WHEN GIRLS ARE WRONG Boy - You lost my dog?!
Girl - It was an accident! I didn't mean to!
Boy - I can't believe you did this. Girl - I already feel bad about it! STOP
making me feel worse! Boy - I'm SORRY.....
___________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________-
A biker was riding wen he sees a gal about 2 jump off a bridge
, . . so he stops.. "Wat r u doing?" he asks...
"I'm going 2 commit suicide," she says.. He askd "well, b4 u jump, y dn't u giv me
a kiss?"
So, she does.. Aftr she's finishd, d biker says, "wow! Dat was d best kiss.. Y r u
committing suicide?"
. . . . . . "My parents dn't lyk me dressing up lyk a gal" ... D biker jumpd off
___________________________________________________________________________________
___
In a party... handsum guy aproached girl n asked- "r u goin 2 dance?"
Girl felt so happy n said,"yes.." N d guy said- "dats gud, can I hav ur chair
thn?";-)
_______________________________________________________________________--
Air & students are same !!! ? ? ? ? ? Both turn the pages without reading :D
___________________________________________________________________________
No one is as UGLY as their Identity Card pic Nor as Good looking as their Facebook
profile Pic
___________________________________________________________________________________
We are not addicted to the Facebook. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
WE only use it when we have time: lunch time, break time,
off time, no time, this time, that time, any time, all the time :
___________________________________________________________________________________
___-
Welcome to Facebook Where liars tell more lies.. Enemies are friends.. Where ppl
set fake relationsh ip status..
Every female is a so called model.. Haters complain about haters..
Slags hate slags.. Every person who talks about money is broke..
Where skinny girls suddenly pack curves and fat girls suddenly lose weight by
Photoshop..
___________________________________________________________________________________
____________________
Doctor -I am very sorry to say that u hav got very little time left. Patient - How
much will i live doctor
? Doctor - 10 Patient - 10 what??? Weeks? Months? Years? Doctor - 9...
___________________________________________________________________________________
_______
A husband gifted his wife a diamond necklace and she didn't talk to him for a
month!! .
. . . ....... . . . . Because that was the DEAL..!
_______________________________________________________________________________-
luv asked death
y do ppl lyk me & hate u??
death replied 2 luv
coz u r a lie
& i m d truth..
___________________________________________________________________________________
___
He met her after a long break up.
He told her : Sorry, I've met a new one, I have a new girlfriend and another
future..
How about your life?
...She closed her eyes to hide her tears, Remembered all the memories she shared
with him,
She remembered how she shared his pain before his happy moments
and how she refused many other boys just to stay with him.
She kept the remains of her pride and collected her force,
smiled and said : Sorry Sir, but do i know you
__________________________________________________________________
Indian movies taught us:
1> At least 1 of d identical twins is born evil
2> If you decide to defuse a bomb,don't worry which wire to cut, you will always
choose the right one
3> A man will show no pain while taking d most ferocious beating, but will wince
when a woman tries to clean his wounds
4> A detective can solve a case only if he has been suspended from duty
5> If u start dancing in street,evry1 u meet will know all d steps :) :-P : .
______________________________________________________________________________
When I went to the Psychologist to finally stop using Facebook,
Everything Was Going Spectacular Till
He Told Me
What's 0n Your Mind..?
_________________________________________________________________
\Understanding a woman is like
downloading a 1GB file With 2 Kbps speed
& when you have downloaded the half you got an error :/
_________________________________________________________
THE SKY WAS DARK,
THE MOON WAS HIGH.
ALL ALONE,
JUST HER & I.
HER HAIR SO SOFT,
HER EYES SO BLUE.
I KNEW JST WAT SHE WANTD 2 DO.
HER SKIN SO SOFT,
HER LEGS SO FINE.
I RAN MY FINGER DOWN HER SPINE.
I DIDNT KNOW HOW
BUT I TRIED MY BEST,
I STARTED BY PUTTING
MY HAND ON HER BREAST.
I REMEMBERED MY FEAR,
MY FAST BEATING HEART.
BUT SLOWLY
SHE SPREAD HER LEGS APART.
AND WHEN I DID IT
I FELT NO SHAME,
AND ALL AT ONES
THE WHITE STUFF CAME.
AT LAST ITS FINISHED.
ITS ALL OVER NOW.
MY FIRST TIME EVER
((MILKING A COW))..
I FEEL SHAME 4 your DIRTY mind..!!
_________________________________________________________________________
Worried Mom Gives her Daughter a Pack Of Condoms, Before a Hot Date!
GIRL Laughs, Hugs her Mother & Says: . . .. "Aww! Time has Changed Mom!! :) I'm
Dating with Tina
GIVE ME CARROTS"
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________-.
Funny Blonde man was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled
the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.
Then Blonde man came to the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled
there. After much thought he wrote� �: THRICE A WEEK.
Clerk told him to write either MALE or FEMALE.
Again Funny Blonde man thought for a long time before coming up with the answer
PREFERABLY FEMALES
___________________________________________________________________________________
_______----
WHAT IS SEX?
sex is Duty- if done with ur wife..
Art- if done with ur love.. Education- if done with a virgin..
Tuition- if done with ur teacher.. Job- if done with your boss/secre tary..
Science- if done with a fertile lady..
Business- if done with a prostitute..
Social work - if done with ur neighbour
Charity- if done with a widow
___________________________________________________________________
Benefits of Night Courses During work,
Sami and Hosam were chatting:
sami:,I've been attending night classes for 5 months and I have an exam next week.
Hosam: oh!
sami: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Hosam: No
sami: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses u would
know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
Sami: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Hosam: No
Sami: He's the author of 'The 3 Musketeers', if you take night courses, u would
know this. The next day, once again:
Sami: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Hosam: No
Sami: He's the author of 'Confessions', if you take night courses, you would know
this?
This time, Hosam got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Tareq?
Sami: No
Hosam: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would
know.
'Rule: There is 'some thing' important in life than Work
__________________________________________________________________________
Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband,
"I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic
compliment ?"
Husband replied, "Your eyesight is still excellent. "
___________________________________________________________________________________
____

A fairy askd bear and rabbit "I wil grant u both 3 wishes" �Bear-I wish all d bears
in this forest,
except me, be female. �the rabbit wished for a helmet. �Bear- "I wish all d bears
in d next forest be female" �Rabbit askd for a bike. �
Bear-"mak e every bear in d world female except me" �the rabbit grinned, started
his engine and said"Make dis bear GAY"
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______________________
Ghost 1. How did you die? Ghost 2. Due to cold, and you? Ghost 1. Doubted my wife
with a man,
searched my house, found no one, felt guilty and committed suicide.. Ghost 2. Dude,
I was there in the fridge
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_________
U R in love� �� whith someone :
When u r 2gather with that special person u pretend 2 ignore that person
But when he isn't around,u look around 2 find him .
_Although there is
some1 else who makes u
laugh,ur eyes might go
only 2 that person.
_Although that special some1 was supposed 2 have called u long back, to let u know
of their
safe arrival, ur
phone is quiet.u r desperately waiting 4 the call!
At that moment,
you are in love.
If you are much
more excited for
one short e-mail
from that special
someone than
other many long e-
mails, you are in
love.
When you find
yourself as one
who cannot erase
all the emails or
SMS messages in
your phone
because of one
message from that
special someone,
you are in love.
You keep telling
yourself, "that
special someone is
just a friend", but
you realize that
you can not avoid
that person's
special attraction.
At that moment,
you are in love.
While you are
reading this , if
someone appears
in your mind, then
u are in love with
that person...
___________________________________________________________________________________
____________-
Before Marriage-
Boy: I have been waiting for this day.
Girl: Do u want me to leave??
Boy: NO!!!!
Girl: Do u love me?
Boy: Of Course
Girl: Will u ever cheat on me??
Boy: Never in my life
Girl: Will u ever kiss me?
Boy: Every chance i get
Girl: Will u hit me??
Boy: Are u crazzy..!
Girl: Can i trust u??
Boy: Yes..!!
Girl: Sweet Heart..!
-After Marriage- (now read from bottom to top).
___________________________________________________________________________________
___--
I am Looking for a
Bank which can....
"Give me a loan, and
leave me alone!!" ;-)\
__________________________________________________________________________________
When a woman says "what"..?
its not b.cause she didnt hear you..
Its b.coz she is giving you a chance to change what you said...
__________________________________________________
Hurting some one who really cares about you,
is as Easy as throwing stone in an Ocean...
...
...
But,
...... ...
Do you know that how deep does that stone
goes???
_____________________________________________________
When a GIRL is quiet � millions of things are running in her mind...
When a GIRL is not arguing � she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions � she is wondering how long you
will be around.
When a GIRL answers � I�m fine � after a few seconds � she is not at all fine...
When a GIRL stares at you � she is wondering why you are lying... ?!
When a GIRL lays on your chest � she is wishing for you to be hers forever...
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday� she wants to be pampered...
When a GIRL says � I love you � � she means it... !!
When a GIRL says � I miss you � � no one in this world can miss you more than Her..
!!
_______________________________________________________________________
I fell off a 50ft ladder today
Luckily I was on the bottom step.
________________________________________________________________________________
Telling somebody to shut up on facebook is stupid...It's like telling your TV to
shut up when you have the damn remote in your hand
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_________
A guy leaves his place at the bar to go relieve himself.
He comes back about 10 minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering and swearing
very softly.
The barkeeper approaches the customer and asks what the problem is.
"Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and put a gun
to my head".
"Jesus Christ! What happened?"
"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"
"Yeah, then what?"
"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you ?
________________________________________________________________________--
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.
A human hair can hold 3kg.
The length of a penis is 3 x the length of the thumb.
The femur is as hard as concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster then a man's.
Women blink 2 x as much as men.
We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand.
A woman has read this entire post.
& The man is still looking at his thumb
______________________________________________________________________
Strangers ? Friends ? Close Friends ? Crush ? Relationship ? Happy time ?
Heartbroken ? Strangers
_________________________________________________________________________
Women to her husband on phone...
where da hell r u ??
husband : darling do u remember dat jewelry shop where u saw a necklace n totally
fell
in love wid it n i did'nt have money dat time but i said ' baby' it vl b urs 1 day
???...
wife : yeah i remember my love...:)
husband : i m in the public toilet just next to that jewelry shop
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A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband
Lady : I lost my Husband
Inspector : What is his height..??
... Lady : I never noticed
Inspector : Slim or healthy..??
Lady : Not slim can be healthy
Inspector : Color of eyes..??
Lady : Never noticed
Inspector : Color of hair..??
Lady : Changes according to season
Inspector : What was he wearing..??
Lady : suit/casuals I don�t remember exactly
Inspector : Was somebody with him ??
Lady : Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 26 inches,
healthy, blue eyes
, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks,

wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat
together, we jog together & the lady started crying :'(
Inspector : Let�s search for the dog first !!
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____
Son: Father, do you believe in ghosts ?
Father: No son. There are no ghosts
Son: But our maid told me that there are ghost.
Father: Son, pack up your things! we have no maid in our house
______________________________________________________________
A bad picture is taken of you, and your first reaction is always "DON'T YOU DARE
PUT THAT ON FACEBOOK"
_______________________________________________________________________________
They say so many people die because of Alcohol
They never realized how many of them are born because of it
___________________________________________________________________________________
___
Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex
when you filled your tank.
They pumped their gas and went to pay the male attendant

I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," he said. "If you guess right, you
win free sex."
"Okay," agreed one of the guys, "I guess seven."
"Sorry, I was thinking of eight," replied the attendant.
The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to
pick a number.
"Two!" said the second guy.
"Sorry, it's three, said the attendant. "Come back and try again."
As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, "I think this contest
is rigged."
"No way," said his buddy. "My wife won twice last week."
___________________________________________________________________________
The Shortest Relationship
Ever Is Between
Students & Books . . .
They Commit 0ne Day
... Before Exam
&
After Exam Break Up\
___________________________________________________
Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boyz do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a name
______________________________________________________
Things I do when I have to study:
5% = Study.
95% = Tell people I have to study...
___________________________________________________________________
The day you left me from my life, i realized that your chapter in my story is over.
you found someone new, and what about me ?
... what should i do ?
die ?
no way... !
no matter i am dead or alive. you are happy.
so what should i do ?
i have to show you that. i can have a better life without you
if though its very few. you gave me some wonderful moments in my life.
now i learned something from you.
"what ever happens!! life has to move on
___________________________________________________________________________

- While your ignoring her, another guy is giving her attention

- while your giving her problems another guy is listening to her problems
- while your too busy for her another guy is making time for her
- while you making her cry another guy is trying to make her smile
- while your not sure if you still want her another guys already figured it out.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Whenever u have a problem,....
just sing ur favourite song...
U will realize that....
The problem is better than ur voice
___________________________________________________________________________________
_________.....!
It is very usual to ask... Whats Up? H R U? Had ur Lunch? Hows life etc etc....! So
let me ask U something different, Did U Smile Today?? If not just do it now:-
___________________________________________________________________________________
______________
Beautiful words by a best friend:
"Always Remember that If you Fall, I Will Pick you Up... Only after I finish
laughing"
_______________________________________________________________________
?Conversation between my Heart & Mind :?
Mind - Hey, Heart what are you doing ?
Heart - Thinking....
Mind - Is this a joke ? I'm thinking .. You are feeling
And by theway I can't think when you're doing this....
Heart - What ...thinking ?
Mind - Oh! Please You can't think !!!
Heart - Yes I can... I'm trying to think how to stop be in Love ... and I can't
think of anything yet...........
Mind - Hahaha !!! Thanx for the joke :D I Love it ! :P
Heart - Lier !!! You can't Love---
________________________________________________________________________________.
Why in every love story sister supports and brothers dont ?..
Because sister knows what LOVE is..
And brothers
knows what boys are..
___________________________________________________________________________
Conversation Between Girl & Boy after Break-up"
Girl : Your New Girlfriend is Pretty (Girl Thinks in Mind....Is she Really Pretty
than Me ???)
Boy : Ya She is...!! (Boy Thinks in mind....But you are still the most Beautiful
Girl i know)
Girl : I Heard that she is Funny & Amazing (All the Stuff that i wasn't)
Boy : Sure She is....(But she is nothing compared to you)
Girl : Well I Hope...You both last...(We never did)
Boy : I Hope you do too....(What Happened to You & Me...???)
Girl : Well...I gotta go....(Before i start Cry)
Boy : Ya me too...(I Hope you don't Cry)
Girl : Bye....(I Still Love you & Miss you
_____________________________________________________________________
A Girl's fb Status:
"Guys !! Whats the Meaning of IDK.."
-Comment 1:
'I don't know..'
-Comment 2:
'I don't know..'
-Comment 3:
'I don't know..'
-Girl's Comment:
What the Hell,
Nobody knows
______________________________________________-----
Girl: Why is my name on your Facebook status every 2 minutes ?
Boy: Facebook keeps asking me what's on my mind... and really it's only you
_____________________________________________________________
Husband comes home drunk n breaks some crockery, vomits n falls down on d
floor.Wife pulls him up and cleans everything.
Next day wen he gets up he expects her to be really angry wid him.He prays that
they shud not have a fight.
He finds a note near d table..."Honey..ur favourite breakfast is ready on the
table, i had to leave early to ...buy grocery... i'll cum running back to u, my
love. I love u. ..."
He gets surprised and asks his son.., 'wat happend last nite..?'
Son told...," wen mom pulled u 2 bed n tried removing ur boots n shirt..u wer dead
drunk n u said......"" Hey Lady ! Leave Me Alone...I M Married !!!""
___________________________________________________________________________________
______________________
.......Unconditional Love........
A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in
Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.
"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to
bring home with me"
"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him." "There's something you should know
the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting.
 He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go,
and I want him to come live with us."
"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."
"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us." "Son," said the father, "you don't
know what you're askin
g. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own
lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives.
I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to
live his own."
At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him.
A few a days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police.
Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police
believed it was suicide.
The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue
to identify the body of their son.
They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't
know.
Their son had only one hand and one leg.
_______________________________________________________
Boy and girl just had sex.
Girl: Ever met someone as hot as me in bed? ;p
Boy: Uhmm...Yeah just the one. Girl: Ohh... :(
Boy: Yeah she's got the same hair color.
Girl: ...
Boy: Same surname. Lives at this address. Looks a lot like you! Girl:
Awwww...That's so sweet...
Boy: Yeah your mum's awesome
_____________________________________________________________
45 THINGS A GIRL WANT, BUT WON'T ASK FOR:
1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.
Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.
KEEP READING ..
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say �I love her more than you�, deny it. Fight back and hug
her tight so she can�t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.
Are you thinking of someone?
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she�s beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it
never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she�s your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something
being wrong, it means SHE DOESN�T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!
WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..
26. Don�t lie to her.
27. DON�T cheat on her.
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school,
and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn�t need you,
just be there so she�ll know that she can always count on you.
ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT�S IMPORTANT.
31. Hold her close when she�s cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically
put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her
lightly.
35. Don�t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you�re mad. If she�s
upset, comfort her.
REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen
to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to
her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.
41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her
face and kiss her while you�re sitting on her
___________________________________________________________________________________
_______________
Virginity is Like a BAlloon,1 Pick & its gone Forever.
Trust is Like Virginity, ONce its Lost , its Lost Forvere.
Sex Is like a Pack of chips, Once ypu start, You Can't Stop..
&
Exam Papr is Like a Dick , when its hard , people get fucked,
________________________________________________________
Men need to learn it takes a lot more than sperm to make them a father
_________________________________________________________
LOVE VS. SEX: A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening
and time passed
quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up
staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone.
She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks
away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees,
Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley,
which was a short cut to her house,
she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing
at the end as though he was waiting for her.
She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a
comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her,
she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the
alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped
in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed
by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her,
she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman,
she decided to go to the police station.
She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked
her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him.
She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night
before. When the man was told he had been identified,
he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
and asked if there was anything they could do for he
r. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he
had not attacked her.
When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two
tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly,
whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98% of teenagers
will not stand up for God? Repost this as Love vs
. Sex if you truly believe in God. PS: God is always there in your heart and loves
you no matter what and if you stand up for
him he will stand up for you. I bet 93% of the people that read this wont repost
it ~*When praises go up, blessing come down*~
___________________________________________________________________________________
____________________
Facebook is like a woman, every time you understand her..She changes
__________________________________________________________________________________-
He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me, he bit,
sucked, swalowd,
when he was satisfyed,
he left, i was hurt..
BLOODY... MOSQUITO\
___________________________________________________________________________________
________________________

Just before she went to bed, my girlfriend had a phone call to say her Mum had
died. She was devastated. I got a box of tissues out and placed them on the table
next to her.
"I'm touched, that's very thoughtful" she said. "No they're for me, you said you
were going to bed. I was going to have a wank and play Black Ops."