Paper: Theology of Pastoral Care and Counselling

Topic: Aging and Loneliness facing the inevitable with the unchanging grace of God
Presenter: Vioto N Katty
Faculty: Fr. Dr. Shaji P. John
Introduction

The inevitability to face the stage of growing old by years is universal in nature. Eventually
aging comes with a number of circumstances where the individual has to deal with many
psychological and social problems, which is why elderly people often fails to cope with the
society unless dealt with precise methods and measure. This paper will discuss the inevitability
of growing old and some factors of Aging.

1. Aging
Aging is the gradual decay of human organic system, becoming more marked towards the end
of life, ending in the breakdown of the system and finally, in death. As the person gets older
the society and government increase their respect and call them ‘senior citizen’. Some of the
common manifestations of old age are: body slow down, hearing weakened, limbs swell and
tremor, loss of energy, feeling unwanted, loss of purpose in life, loss of one’s own destiny,
feeling abandon, not loved, depressed, decreased mobility, fear and loneliness increase and
there is a new realization of the nearness of death. 1

2. Loneliness
Loneliness is a subjective marker for the deficits in one’s social relationships and interactions.
It is characterized as a painful, distressing, and unpleasant experiences deriving from a
perceived discrepancy between desired and actual social connections. Restricted opportunities
for meaningful social participation in old age may bring about feelings of loneliness. 2

3. Adaptation to Aging
Developmental task of Erikson has been described as individual adjustments to the changing
self, while adaptation task has been described as adjustments to changing individual and
cultural expectations. In a society that values youth and productivity, there is a tendency to be
preoccupied with the disadvantage of growing old. An elderly person also faces with the
inability to maintain an independent household. Loss is a recurrent experience in later years,

1
Ezamo Murry, An Introduction to Pastoral Care and Counselling (New Delhi: ISPCK, 2013), 239.
2
Liat Ayalon and Clemens Tesch-Romer, Contemporary perspectives on Ageism (Switzerland: Springer
Imprint, 2018), 133-134.

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not only of status and roles but also decline of physical and mental and the death of beloved
ones too.3

4. Crisis among the Aging

4.1.Developmental Crisis

Erikson categories this period as that of ‘integrity versus despair’. Here the elderly person is
concerned with the way they face and the end of life. It is the time of reflection of events that
have happened. To the extend than an individual thinks he/she has successfully coped with
life’s crisis and difficulties, he/she would have a sense of wholeness and integrity. On the other
hand, they look back on life with regret seeing it as a series of missed opportunities and failures,
the final years will be one of despair. 4

4.2.Crisis of Retirement
The psycho-social disengagement of the elderly is not unilateral but it is reciprocal withdrawal.
Society makes fewer demands on the elderly, offers fewer outlets for self-expression and
productivity and then ponders the problem of detachment among elderly. Retirement represents
a precipitous change for the elderly. 5

4.3. Crisis of Relocation

The attempts of families to provide a home for elderly relatives’ incapable of living
independently have received attention that is often negative in nature. Surroundings are
extremely important for the elderly because they spent a great amount of their time at home.
The quality of their residential environment in terms of convenience, safety comfort is an
important influence on their sense of identity. 6

4.4 Crisis of Loss

A realistic fear of elderly person is loss of husband or wife through death. When family
dissolution occurs because of the death of spouse or beloved, there is an end to marital life
cycle and the emergence of a new role for the surviving spouse that of widow or widower.
Children or grandchildren can be a powerful source for reinforcing their identity.7

3
Ellen H Janosik, Crisis Counselling: A Contemporary Approach (California: Wadsworth Health
Science Division, 1984), 136.
4
Kua Ec Heok and Ko Soo Meng, A Ripe Old (Toa Payoh West: Sage Publication, 1998), 33.
5
Ellen H Janosik, Crisis Counselling… 137.
6
Ellen H Janosik, Crisis Counselling ... 144.
7
Ellen H Janosik, Crisis Counselling… 150.

2
 5. Biblical and Theological Perspectives on Aging
5.1.Biblical Perspective
 The Bible and Aging

The author of Ecclesiastes puts old age in rather pessimistic picture (Eccl. 12) but it also tells
us that every person, including the aging person can find meaning in life when one finds God
and keeps God's commandments (Eccl. 12:13). The bible teaches us that the older people
increase in wisdom and experience as they grow older. (Job. 12:12; Lev. 19:32; Prov. 16:32;
20:29). The bible considers longevity as a reward for righteousness. 8

 Respect for Old Age

Aging in Jewish literature is presented as something of valued status, one with privileges. The
presence of the aged in the Jewish community was regarded as a sign of peace and God's favour.
The Judeo-Christian religion portrays the aged a significant role. They were honoured
counsellors, promoters of prayer, fasting and so on. (James 5:14).9

 Aging as a Blessing

In the Bible, length of days is accounted as blessing and it is one of the rewards promised for
upright living (Ex. 20:12; Deut 4:40; Prov. 3:12, 16). Simeon was blessed because he had been
promised by the lord that he would not experience death until he has seen the Anointed one
(Lk. 2:26). Anna the prophetess is yet another example of the blessedness of old age. All these
instances point to the blessedness of old age. 10

5.2.Theological Perspective
 Aging as Growth and Fulfilment

From a development point of view and from a theological understanding, aging should be seen
as ‘growing’, ‘coming of age’, ‘getting on in years.’ Old age demands a genuine and deep-
seated acceptance of one’s life as that life has been lived and experience, faith in old age is
unconditional acceptance. Faith in this respect is to be understood as a healing and fulfilling
response in the struggle of an aged person. Hence, fulfilment in aging is to be understood under
the rubric of growth rather than that of decline. 11

8
Ezamo Murry, An Introduction… 146-147.
9
Geevarughese Mathew, eds., Ministry and Spirituality: Contemporary Issues & Challenges
(Kottayam: Mar Thoma Theological Seminary, 2001), 185.
10
Geevarughese Mathew, eds., Ministry and Spirituality… 186.
11
Geevarughese Mathew, eds., Ministry and Spirituality…186.

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  Aging as a Process of Finding Meaning in Life

The primary motivational force in human is the striving to find meaning in his/her life. Finding
meaning in life is also an important concern for the aged. An aged person has to look upon pain
and suffering as having purpose and meaning. Life review and reminiscing can help the aged
achieve integrity and find meaning in life. It can surely be significant elements in the total
experience of old age. It is not ‘living in the past’ but an ‘evaluation of the past’. Life review
may bring repentance, forgiveness and acceptance, which are the key theological component
of integrity. It may also give new and significant meanings to one’s life and also prepare one
for death.12

6. Aging and Unchanging Grace of God

The Bible presents growing old as a normal, natural part of life in this world. There is honour
involved in the aging process, because growing old is normally accompanied by increased
wisdom and experience. God wants us to remember that life is short (James 4:14) and that the
beauty of youth is soon gone (Proverbs 16:31; 31:30; 1 Peter 1:24). The book of Ecclesiastes
provides a vexing unfairness of Aging from the human perspective, entailing the notion of
‘time and judgement’. With the inevitable disillusionment over the human condition of Aging,
it is wise to remember that “for all the living there is hope, for a living dog is better than a dead
lion….(Ecclesiastes 9:4-6). Knowing that the old age is accountable for God-given “portion,”
people should take joyful advantage of all their gifts, talents, wisdom, and opportunities in life
sooner rather than later, before all opportunity to do so has ceased, before inevitable debilitation
forecloses all opportunity (Ecclesiastes 9:7-10; 11:9-12:7). Ecclesiastes words on growing old
is that the meaning in life is fulfilled in God’s given purpose, and the purpose is only fulfilled
when we take advantage of our God-given portion in Christ. While this portion may seem less
fair for some than for others, life’s meaning will be consummated only at the final judgment
when we receive our inheritance (Ecclesiastes 7:11) for the way we invest our portion, be it
good or bad (Ecclesiastes 12:14). God will be eminently fair in His rewards, regardless of how
unfair or unevenly distributed our portion may seem in this present life. 13 This fair judgement

12
Geevarughese Mathew, eds., Ministry and Spirituality… 187.
13
Jeff Shirley, Old Age and Bible, (2018) https://discover.hubpages.com/religion-philosophy/Old-Age-
and-the-Bible, (Accessed on 26th Jan,2023).

4
connotes the unchanging grace of God because God is eternal, immutable, faithful, God’s
promises are fulfilled and God’s loves endures forever. 14

7. Pastoral Care with the Aged: Approaches & Methods

Pastoral ministry with the aged should be focused on facilitating ‘meaning’ and ‘wholeness’ in
the midst of their developmental as well as accidental crisis. A few suggestions about the basic
approach and methods which the church could adopt are:

 Awareness Program

Since the presence of immediate family and the satisfaction derived out of the family life are
important for the well-being of the aged, any kind of program and policy for the elderly should
be focused on fostering and strengthening the family bond. Efforts must be taken to orient
family members to various needs of the elderly so as not to make them feel neglected. The
congregation should be encouraged to develop a positive attitude towards the aged. 15

 Supportive Care and Counselling

In counselling with the aged, since one can't expect radical changes in their personality,
supportive care and counselling is more advisable method than depth or insight-oriented
counselling. Sometimes the support giver has to aid the ego defence of the aged. The supportive
care technique with its ego lending is valuable for those who experience multiple losses,
particularly for those who need grief counselling. Hence the pastoral care with the aged should,
generally, be supportive in its basic approach. 16

 Reminiscence and Life renew Counselling

Reminiscence counselling is a form of therapy designed for use with the elderly who seeks to
foster personality reorganization through recalling and resolving past experiences.
Reminiscence with life review is useful for catharsis, offers valued sense of identity, improves
self-esteem, and reduces death anxiety. Reminiscence counselling holds promise as a tool for
ministering to the psychological needs of elderly. 17

 Gerontological Training Counselling program

14
Austen Ukachi, God’s Unchanging Grace, (2021). https://guardian.ng/sunday-magazine/ibru-
ecumenical-centre/gods-unchanging-grace-part-8/ (Accessed on 26th Jan,2023).
15
Geevarughese Mathew, eds., Ministry and Spirituality…190.
16
Geevarughese Mathew, eds., Ministry and Spirituality…191.
17
Geevarughese Mathew, eds., Ministry and Spirituality…192.

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Training programmes in Gerontological counselling should be opened to prepare personnel to
care for the aged. The training could be given at counselling centres attached to hospitals,
church or day care centres.18

 Meaningful Homes for the Aged

As a long-term pastoral care programme, the church could provide meaningful homes for the
aged. Steps should be taken to provide a recreational and other growth facility which enhances
intimacy between the residents as well as with outside people. 19

Conclusion

Even though people enjoy a lengthy lifespan, the aging process can be painful under some
circumstances. Though the elderly may not realise because of their age and their lack of
understanding prompting them to, it is ethically correct to be aware of what and how
circumstances are met. And therefore, before the harsh reality of facing the inevitability of
aging, one needs to be aware of what is to be done and how it is to be done.

Bibliography

Ayalon, Liat and Tesch-Romer, Clemens. Contemporary perspectives on Ageism.

Switzerland: Springer Imprint, 2018.
Janosik, Ellen H. Crisis Counselling: A Contemporary Approach. California:
Wadsworth Health Science Division, 1984.
Mathew, Geevarughese eds., Ministry and Spirituality: Contemporary Issues &
Challenges. Kottayam: Mar Thoma Theological Seminary, 2001.
Murry, Ezamo. An Introduction to Pastoral Care and Counselling. New Delhi: ISPCK,
2013.
Soo Meng, Kua and Ko, Ec Heok. A Ripe Old. Toa Payoh West: Sage Publication,
1998.
Shirley, Jeff. Old Age and Bible. (2018) https://discover.hubpages.com/religion-
philosophy/Old-Age-and-the-Bible.
Ukachi, Austen. God’s Unchanging Grace, (2021). https://guardian.ng/sunday-
magazine/ibru-ecumenical-centre/gods-unchanging-grace-part-8/.

18
Geevarughese Mathew, eds., Ministry and Spirituality… 193.
19
Geevarughese Mathew, eds., Ministry and Spirituality…194.