ORIGINAL TEXT MODERN TEXT

Enter FLAVIUS, MURELLUS, FLAVIUS and MURELLUS enter and speak to

a CARPENTER, a COBBLER, and certain a CARPENTER, a COBBLER, and some other
other COMMONERS over the stage commoners.

FLAVIUS
Hence! Home, you idle creatures get you home! FLAVIUS
Is this a holiday? What, know you not, Get out of here! Go home, you lazy men. What, is
Being mechanical, you ought not walk today a holiday? Don’t you know that working men
Upon a laboring day without the sign aren’t supposed to walk around on a workday
5Of your profession?—Speak, what trade art without wearing their work clothes? You there,
thou? speak up. What’s your occupation?

CARPENTER CARPENTER
Why, sir, a carpenter. I’m a carpenter, sir.

MURELLUS MURELLUS
Where is thy leather apron and thy rule? Where are your leather apron and your ruler? What
What dost thou with thy best apparel on? are you doing, wearing your best clothes? And you,
—You, sir, what trade are you? sir, what’s your trade?

COBBLER COBBLER
10Truly, sir, in respect of a fine workman, I am Well, compared to a fine workman, you might call
but, as you would say, a cobbler. me a mere cobbler.

MURELLUS
MURELLUS But what’s your trade? Answer me
But what trade art thou? Answer me directly. straightforwardly.

COBBLER
A trade, sir, that I hope I may use with a safe COBBLER
conscience, which is, indeed, sir, a mender of bad It is a trade, sir, that I practice with a clear
soles. conscience. I am a mender of worn soles.

MURELLUS
15What trade, thou knave? Thou naughty knave, MURELLUS
what trade? What trade, boy? You insolent rascal, what trade?

COBBLER COBBLER
Nay, I beseech you, sir, be not out with me. Yet, Sir, please, don’t be angry. But if your soles are
if you be out, sir, I can mend you. worn out, I can mend you.

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MURELLUS MURELLUS
What mean’st thou by that? “Mend” me, thou What do you mean by that? “Mend” me, you
saucy fellow? impertinent fellow?!

COBBLER COBBLER
20Why, sir, cobble you. Cobble you, sir.

FLAVIUS FLAVIUS
Thou art a cobbler, art thou? You’re a cobbler, are you?

COBBLER
Truly, sir, all that I live by is
with the awl. I meddle with COBBLER
no tradesman’s matters nor Sir, I make my living using an awl. I stick to my
women’s matters, but withal work; I don’t meddle in politics or chase women.
I am indeed, sir, a surgeon to old shoes. When I’m a surgeon to old shoes. When they’re
they are in great danger, I recover them. As endangered, I save them. The noblest men who
proper men as ever trod upon neat’s leather have ever walked on leather have walked on my
gone upon my handiwork. handiwork.

FLAVIUS FLAVIUS
But wherefore art not in thy shop today? But why aren’t you in your shop today? Why are
Why dost thou lead these men about the streets? you leading these men through the streets?

COBBLER COBBLER
Truly, sir, to wear out their shoes to get myself Well, to wear out their shoes and get myself more
into more work. But indeed, sir, we make holiday work. Seriously, though, we took the day off to see
to see Caesar and to rejoice in his triumph. Caesar, sir, and celebrate his triumph.

MURELLUS MURELLUS
Wherefore rejoice? What conquest brings he Why would you celebrate it? What victory does he
home? bring home? What foreign lands has he conquered
What tributaries follow him to Rome and captive foreigners chained to his chariot
To grace in captive bonds his chariot wheels? wheels? You blockheads, you unfeeling men! You
35You blocks, you stones, you worse than hard hearts, you cruel men of Rome, didn’t you
senseless things, know Pompey ? Many times you climbed up on
O you hard hearts, you cruèl men of Rome, walls and battlements, towers and windows—even
Knew you not Pompey? Many a time and oft chimney tops—with your babies in your arms, and
Have you climbed up to walls and battlements, sat there patiently all day waiting to see great
To towers and windows, yea, to chimney tops, Pompey ride through the streets of Rome. And
40Your infants in your arms, and there have sat when you caught a glimpse of his chariot, didn’t
The livelong day with patient expectation you shout so loud that the river Tiber shook as it
To see great Pompey pass the streets of Rome. echoed? And now you put on your best clothes?
And when you saw his chariot but appear, And now you take a holiday?
Have you not made an universal shout

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45That Tiber trembled underneath her banks
To hear the replication of your sounds
Made in her concave shores?
And do you now put on your best attire?
And do you now cull out a holiday?

50And do you now strew flowers in his way

That comes in triumph over Pompey’s blood? And now you toss flowers in the path of Caesar,
Be gone! who comes in triumph over Pompey’s defeated
Run to your houses, fall upon your knees, sons? Go home! Run to your houses, fall on your
Pray to the gods to intermit the plague knees, and pray to the gods to spare you the pain
55That needs must light on this ingratitude. that you deserve for such ingratitude.

FLAVIUS
Go, go, good countrymen, and for this fault, FLAVIUS
Assemble all the poor men of your sort, Go, go, good countrymen, and to make up for
Draw them to Tiber banks, and weep your tears having done wrong, gather up all the poor men like
Into the channel till the lowest stream yourselves, lead them to the Tiber, and weep into
60Do kiss the most exalted shores of all. the river until it overflows its banks.

Exeunt CARPENTER, COBBLER, and all the The CARPENTER, COBBLER, and all the

other commoners commoners exit.

Well, that ought to move even the most

See whether their basest metal be not moved. thickheaded of them. There they go, feeling so
They vanish tongue-tied in their guiltiness. guilty they’re now tongue-tied—they don’t have a
Go you down that way towards the Capitol. thing to say. You go down toward the Capitol, and
This way will I. Disrobe the images I’ll go this way. Undress the statues if they’re
65If you do find them decked with ceremonies. decorated in honor of Caesar.

MURELLUS MURELLUS
May we do so? Can we do that? You know it’s the feast
You know it is the feast of Lupercal. of Lupercal.

FLAVIUS
It is no matter. Let no images FLAVIUS
Be hung with Caesar’s trophies. I’ll about It doesn’t matter. Make sure that none of the
70And drive away the vulgar from the streets. statues are decorated in tribute to Caesar. I’ll walk
So do you too, where you perceive them thick. around and force the commoners off the streets.
These growing feathers plucked from Caesar’s You do the same, wherever the crowds are thick. If
wing we take away Caesar’s support, he’ll have to come
Will make him fly an ordinary pitch, back down to earth; otherwise, he’ll fly too high
Who else would soar above the view of men and keep the rest of us in a state of fear and
75And keep us all in servile fearfulness. obedience.

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Exeunt severally They exit in different directions.