The document provides two solutions for improving an email message. Solution 1 identifies five weaknesses in the original message: lack of important details in the body, poor organization without bullets, no closure, and improper subject line. Solution 2 then proposes a writing plan with a more appealing subject line, proper greeting format, use of an honorific, corrected grammar, and placement of key details in the body.
The document provides two solutions for improving an email message. Solution 1 identifies five weaknesses in the original message: lack of important details in the body, poor organization without bullets, no closure, and improper subject line. Solution 2 then proposes a writing plan with a more appealing subject line, proper greeting format, use of an honorific, corrected grammar, and placement of key details in the body.
The document provides two solutions for improving an email message. Solution 1 identifies five weaknesses in the original message: lack of important details in the body, poor organization without bullets, no closure, and improper subject line. Solution 2 then proposes a writing plan with a more appealing subject line, proper greeting format, use of an honorific, corrected grammar, and placement of key details in the body.
The document provides two solutions for improving an email message. Solution 1 identifies five weaknesses in the original message: lack of important details in the body, poor organization without bullets, no closure, and improper subject line. Solution 2 then proposes a writing plan with a more appealing subject line, proper greeting format, use of an honorific, corrected grammar, and placement of key details in the body.
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Name : Mehak Suraksha
ID: SP20-BSCS-0003
SOLUTION 1:
1. The five weaknesses in the message are:
2. Important information is not properly given in the main body.
3. Bullets are not used to give important information and details. Paragraphs are poorly organized.
4. No proper closure is there. Action details, important dates are not given in correct manner and sequence.
5. Improper Subject Line.
2. Writing Plan for the message.
Subject Line: Information Regarding “Lunch and Learn” Talks.
Opening: Dear Ms. Chavez or Dear Ms. Camille.
Body: Details about the talks like date and timing should be mentioned first. Then, information regarding the speakers, their topics, time available to them to speak about the topic should be mentioned.
Bullets can be used give this information.
Names of the speakers and their contact information can be given using bullets or points.
Closure: What action to be taken like sending invites or messages to the speakers should be mentioned. Information about whom to contact in case if any clarification is needed, should be mentioned in this paragraph.
A formal closing like, Thanks, Regards, should be mentioned. Full contact details of the sender of the mail should be given.
SOLUTION 2: The five weaknesses of the e-mail are:
1. Improper Subject Line: It could have been more appealing
Example: Information about your query regarding Web Conferencing
2. After the greeting in the opening line, No colon’s should be there (:). Comma should be used.
Example: Dear Christina Cruz,
3. Honorific name should be used. It will make the mail sound more formal
Example: Dear Ms. Cruz,
4. The main body of the mail should not start with ‘Hey’, once greeting/ salutation is already been there to open the line.
5. Grammatical Errors are there.
Example: a. Do’s and Don’ts in place of Dos and Don’ts.
