The Book That Saved the Earth

9
Mother Goose is a well-known book of
nursery rhymes in English. Do you think
such a book can save Planet Earth from
a Martian invasion? Read this play,
set four centuries in the future, and find out.

Characters
HISTORIAN LIEUTENANT IOTA
GREAT AND MIGHTY THINK-TANK SERGEANT OOP
APPRENTICE NOODLE OFFSTAGE VOICE
CAPTAIN OMEGA

SCENE 1
READ AND FIND OUT
• Why was the twentieth century called the ‘Era of the Book’?
• Who tried to invade the earth in the twenty-first century?
TIME : The twenty-fifth century
PLACE : The Museum of Ancient History: Department of the Twentieth
Century on the Planet Earth
BEFORE RISE : Spotlight shines on Historian, who is sitting at a table down
right, on which is a movie projector. A sign on an easel beside
her reads: Museum of Ancient History: Department of the
Twentieth Century. She stands and bows to audience.

HISTORIAN : Good afternoon. Welcome to our Museum of Ancient

History, and to my department — curiosities of the
good old, far -off twentieth century. The twentieth
century was often called the Era of the Book. In those
days, there were books about everything, from ant
eaters to Zulus. Books taught people how to, and when
to, and where to, and why to. They illustrated,
educated, punctuated, and even decorated. But the
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 strangest thing a book ever did was to save the Earth.
You haven’t heard about the Martian invasion of 2040?
Tsk, tsk. What do they teach children nowadays? Well,
you know, the invasion never really happened, because
a single book stopped it. What was the book, you ask?
A noble encyclopedia? A tome about rockets and
missiles? A secret file from outer space? No, it was
none of those. It was — but here, let me turn on the
historiscope and show you what happened many
centuries ago, in 2040. (She turns on projector, and
points it left. Spotlight on Historian goes out, and comes
up down left on Think-Tank, who is seated on a raised
box, arms folded. He has a huge, egg-shaped head, and
he wears a long robe decorated with stars and circles.
Apprentice Noodle stands beside him at an elaborate
switchboard. A sign on an easel reads:

MARS SPACE CONTROL

GREAT AND MIGHTY THINK-TANK, COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF
(Bow low before entering)

NOODLE : (bowing) O Great and Mighty Think-Tank, most

powerful and intelligent creature in the whole
universe, what are your orders?
THINK-TANK : (peevishly) You left out part of my salutation,
Apprentice Noodle. Go over the whole thing again.
NOODLE : It shall be done, sir. (in a singsong) O Great and Mighty
Think-Tank, Ruler of Mars and her two moons, most
powerful and intelligent creature in the whole
universe — (out of breath) what-are-your-orders?
THINK-TANK : That’s better, Noodle. I wish to be placed in
communication with our manned space probe to that
ridiculous little planet we are going to put under our
generous rulership. What do they call it, again?
NOODLE : Earth, your Intelligence.
THINK-TANK : Earth — of course. You see how insignificant the place
is? But first, something important. My mirror. I wish
to consult my mirror.
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NOODLE : It shall be done, sir. (He hands Think-Tank a mirror.)
THINK-TANK : Mirror, mirror, in my hand. Who is the most
fantastically intellectually gifted being in the land?
OFFSTAGE VOICE : (after a pause) You, sir.
THINK-TANK : (smacking mirror) Quicker. Answer quicker next time.
I hate a slow mirror. (He admires himself in the mirror.)
Ah, there I am. Are we Martians not a handsome
race? So much more attractive than those ugly
Earthlings with their tiny heads. Noodle, you keep on
exercising your mind, and someday you’ll have a
balloon brain just like mine.
NOODLE : Oh, I hope so, Mighty Think-Tank. I hope so.
THINK-TANK : Now, contact the space probe. I want to invade that
primitive ball of mud called Earth before lunch.
NOODLE : It shall be done, sir. (He adjusts levers on switchboard.
Electronic buzzes and beeps are heard as the curtains
open.)

SCENE 2
READ AND FIND OUT
• What guesses are made by Think–Tank about the books
found on earth?

TIME : A few seconds later

PLACE : Mars Space Control and the Centerville Public Library
AT RISE : Captain Omega stands at centre, opening and closing card
catalogue drawers in a confused fashion. Lieutenant Iota
is up left, counting books in a bookcase. Sergeant Oop is at
right, opening and closing a book, turning it upside down,
shaking it and then riffling the pages and shaking his head.

NOODLE : (adjusting knobs) I have a close sighting of the space

crew, sir.
(Think-Tank puts on a pair of enormous goggles and
turns towards the stage to watch.) They seem to have
entered some sort of Earth structure.
THINK-TANK : Excellent. Make voice contact.

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NOODLE : (speaking into a microphone) Mars Space Control
calling the crew of Probe One. Mars Space Control
calling the crew of Probe One. Come in, Captain
Omega, and give us your location.
OMEGA : (speaking into a disk which is on a chain around her
neck) Captain Omega to Mars Space Control.
Lieutenant Iota, Sergeant Oop, and I have arrived on
Earth without incident. We have taken shelter in this
(indicates room) — this square place. Have you any
idea where we are, Lieutenant Iota?
IOTA : I can’t figure it out, Captain. (holding up a book) I’ve
counted two thousand of these peculiar items. This
place must be some sort of storage barn. What do you
think, Sergeant Oop?
OOP : I haven’t a clue. I’ve been to seven galaxies, but I’ve
never seen anything like this. Maybe they’re hats.
(He opens a book and puts it on his head.) Say, maybe
this is a haberdashery!
OMEGA : (bowing low) Perhaps the Great and Mighty Think-
Tank will give us the benefit of his thought on
the matter.

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THINK-TANK : Elementary, my dear Omega. Hold one of the items
up so that I may view it closely. (Omega holds a book
on the palm of her hand.) Yes, yes, I understand now.
Since Earth creatures are always eating, the place
in which you find yourselves is undoubtedly a crude
refreshment stand.
OMEGA : (to Iota and Oop) He says we’re in a refreshment stand.
OOP : Well, the Earthlings certainly have a strange diet.
THINK-TANK : That item in your hand is called a sandwich.
OMEGA : (nodding) A sandwich.
IOTA : (nodding) A sandwich.
OOP : (taking book from his head) A sandwich?
THINK-TANK : Sandwiches are the main staple of Earth diet. Look
at it closely.(Omega squints at book.) There are two
slices of what is called bread, and between them is
some sort of filling.
OMEGA : That is correct, sir.
THINK-TANK : To confirm my opinion, I order you to eat it.
OMEGA : (gulping) Eat it?
THINK-TANK : Do you doubt the Mighty Think-Tank?

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OMEGA : Oh, no, no. But poor Lieutenant Iota has not had her
breakfast. Lieutenant Iota, I order you to eat this —
this sandwich.
IOTA : (dubiously) Eat it? Oh, Captain! It’s a very great
honour to be the first Martian to eat a sandwich, I’m
sure, but — but how can I be so impolite as to eat
before my Sergeant? (handing Oop the book and saying
brightly) Sergeant Oop, I order you to eat the sandwich
immediately.
OOP : (making a face) Who, Lieutenant? Me, Lieutenant?
IOTA and OMEGA : (saluting) For the glory of Mars, Oop!
OOP : Yes, of course! (unhappily) Immediately. (He opens his
mouth wide. Omega and Iota watch him breathlessly.
He bites down on a corner of the book, and pantomimes
chewing and swallowing, while making terrible faces.)
OMEGA : Well, Oop?
IOTA : Well, Oop? (Oop coughs. Omega and Iota pound him on
the back.)
THINK-TANK : Was it not delicious, Sergeant Oop?
OOP : (saluting) That is correct, sir. It was not delicious. I
don’t know how the Earthlings can get those
sandwiches down without water. They’re dry as
Martian dust.
NOODLE : Sir, sir. Great and Mighty Think-Tank. I beg your
pardon, but an insignificant bit of data floated into
my mind about those sandwiches.
THINK-TANK : It can’t be worth much, but go ahead. Give us your
trifling bit of data.
NOODLE : Well, sir, I have seen surveyor films of those
sandwiches. I noticed that the Earthlings did not eat
them. They used them as some sort of communication
device.
THINK-TANK : (haughtily) Naturally. That was my next point. These
are actually communication sandwiches. Think-Tank
is never wrong. Who is never wrong?
ALL : (saluting) Great and Mighty Think-Tank is never wrong.
THINK-TANK : Therefore, I order you to listen to them.
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OMEGA : Listen to them?
IOTA AND OOP : (to each other, puzzled) Listen to them?
THINK-TANK : Do you have marbles in your ears? I said, listen to
them. (Martians bow very low.)
OMEGA : It shall be done, sir. (They each take two books from
the case, and hold them to their ears, listening intently.)
IOTA : (whispering to Omega) Do you hear anything?
OMEGA : (whispering back) Nothing. Do you hear anything, Oop?
OOP : (loudly) Not a thing! (Omega and Iota jump in fright.)
OMEGA AND IOTA : Sh-h-h! (They listen intently again.)
THINK-TANK : Well? Well? Report to me. What do you hear?
OMEGA : Nothing, sir. Perhaps we are not on the correct
frequency.
IOTA : Nothing, sir. Perhaps the Earthlings have sharper
ears than we do.
OOP : I don’t hear a thing. Maybe these sandwiches don’t
make sounds.
THINK-TANK : What? Does somebody suggest the Mighty Think-Tank
has made a mistake?
OMEGA : Oh, no, sir; no, sir. We’ll keep listening.
NOODLE : Please excuse me, your Brilliance, but a cloudy piece
of information is twirling around in my head.
THINK-TANK : Well, twirl it out, Noodle, and I will clarify it for you.
NOODLE : I seem to recall that the Earthlings did not listen to
the sandwiches; they opened them and watched them.
THINK-TANK : Yes, that is quite correct, I will clarify that for you,
Captain Omega. Those sandwiches are not for ear
communication, they are for eye communication. Now,
Captain Omega, take that large, colourful sandwich
over there. It appears to be important. Tell me what
you observe.
(Omega picks up a very large volume of Mother Goose,
holding it so that the audience can see the title. Iota
looks over her left shoulder, and Oop peers over her
right shoulder.)

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OMEGA : It appears to contain pictures of Earthlings.
IOTA : There seems to be some sort of code.
THINK-TANK : (sharply interested) Code? I told you this was
important. Describe the code.
OOP : It’s little lines and squiggles and dots — thousands
of them alongside the pictures.
THINK-TANK : Perhaps the Earthlings are not as primitive as we
have thought. We must break the code.
NOODLE : Forgive me, your Cleverness, but did not the chemical
department give our space people vitamins to increase
their intelligence?
THINK-TANK : Stop! A thought of magnificent brilliance has come to
me. Space people, our chemical department has given
you vitamins to increase your intelligence. Take them
immediately and then watch the sandwich. The
meaning of the code will slowly unfold before you.
OMEGA : It shall be done, sir. Remove vitamins. (Crew takes
vitamins from boxes on their belts.) Present vitamins.
(They hold vitamins out in front of them, stiffly.) Swallow

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 vitamins. (They pop the vitamins into their mouths and
gulp simultaneously. They open their eyes wide, their
heads shake, and they put their hands to their
foreheads.)
THINK-TANK : Excellent. Now, decipher that code.
ALL : It shall be done, sir. (They frown over the book, turning
pages.)
OMEGA : (brightly) Aha!
IOTA : (brightly) Oho!
OOP : (bursting into laughter) Ha, ha, ha.
THINK-TANK : What does it say? Tell me this instant. Transcribe,
Omega.
OMEGA : Yes, sir. (She reads with great seriousness.)
Mistress Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With cockle shells and silver bells
And pretty maids all in a row.
OOP : Ha, ha, ha. Imagine that. Pretty maids growing in a
garden.
THINK-TANK : (alarmed) Stop! This is no time for levity. Don’t you
realise the seriousness of this discovery? The
Earthlings have discovered how to combine
agriculture and mining. They can actually grow crops
of rare metals such as silver. And cockle shells. They
can grow high explosives, too. Noodle, contact our
invasion fleet.
NOODLE : They are ready to go down and take over Earth, sir.
THINK-TANK : Tell them to hold. Tell them new information has come
to us about Earth. Iota, transcribe.
IOTA : Yes, sir. (She reads very gravely.)
Hey diddle diddle! The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon,
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
OOP : (laughing) The dish ran away with the spoon!

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THINK-TANK : Cease laughter. Desist. This is more and more
alarming. The Earthlings have reached a high level of
civilisation. Didn’t you hear? They have taught their
domesticated animals musical culture and space
techniques. Even their dogs have a sense of humour.
Why, at this very moment, they may be launching an
interplanetary attack of millions of cows! Notify the
invasion fleet. No invasion today Oop, transcribe the
next code.
OOP : Yes, sir. (reading)
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men,
Cannot put Humpty Dumpty together again.
Oh, look, sir. Here’s a picture of Humpty Dumpty.
Why, sir, he looks like — he looks like — (turns large
picture of Humpty Dumpty towards Think-Tank and
the audience)
THINK-TANK : (screaming and holding his head) It’s me! It’s my
Great and Mighty Balloon Brain. The Earthlings
have seen me, and they’re after me. “Had a great
fall!” — That means they plan to capture Mars
Central Control and me! It’s an invasion of Mars!
Noodle, prepare a space capsule for me. I must
escape without delay. Space people, you must leave
Earth at once, but be sure to remove all traces of
your visit. The Earthlings must not know that I
know. (Omega, Iota, and Oop rush about, putting
books back on shelves.)
NOODLE : Where shall we go, sir?
THINK-TANK : A hundred million miles away from Mars. Order the
invasion fleet to evacuate the entire planet of Mars.
We are heading for Alpha Centauri, a hundred million
miles away. (Omega, Iota, and Oop run off right as
Noodle helps Think-Tank off left and the curtain closes.
Spotlight shines on Historian down right.)

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HISTORIAN : (chuckling) And that’s how one dusty old book of
nursery rhymes saved the world from a Martian
invasion. As you all know, in the twenty-fifth century,
five hundred years after all this happened, we
Earthlings resumed contact with Mars, and we even
became very friendly with the Martians. By that time,
Great and Mighty Think-Tank had been replaced by
a very clever Martian — the wise and wonderful
Noodle! Oh, yes, we taught the Martians the difference
between sandwiches and books. We taught them how
to read, too, and we established a model library in
their capital city of Marsopolis. But as you might
expect, there is still one book that the Martians can
never bring themselves to read. You’ve guessed it —
Mother Goose ! (She bows and exits right.)
CURTAIN

CLAIRE BOIKO

GLOSSARY
easel: wooden frame to support a blackboard or a picture
Zulus: an African ethnic group belonging to South Africa
apprentice: learner of a trade who has agreed to work for a certain
period of time in return for being taught
peevishly: irritably
riffling: quickly turning over the pages of a book
barn: covered building for storing hay
haberdashery: shop which sells clothing, small articles of dress, pins,
cotton, etc.
squiggles: scrawls; illegible writing or markings
decipher: find the meaning of something which is puzzling or difficult
to understand
transcribe: write in full form from short-hand
levity: tendency to treat serious matters without respect; lack of
seriousness

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Think about it
1. Noodle avoids offending Think-Tank but at the same time he corrects
his mistakes. How does he manage to do that?
2. If you were in Noodle’s place, how would you handle Think-Tank’s
mistakes?
3. Do you think books are being replaced by the electronic media?
Can we do away with books altogether?
4. Why are books referred to as a man’s best companion? Which is
your favourite book and why? Write a paragraph about that book.

Talk about it
1. In what ways does Think-Tank misinterpret innocent nursery
rhymes as threats to the Martians? Can you think of any incidents
where you misinterpreted a word or an action? How did you resolve
the misunderstanding?
2. The aliens in this play speak English. Do you think this is their
language? What could be the language of the aliens?

Suggested reading
• ‘Diamond Cuts Diamond‘ by J.H. Parker
• ‘The Cindrella Story’ by Kenneth Lillington
• ‘The Fun They Had’ by Isaac Asimov

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 Answers given by Professor Yash Pal and Dr Rahul Pal
(see questions on page 38)

(i) DNA exists as strands of bases that carry genetic information

specific to each living thing. The sequence of bases of DNA in
each of our cells is the same, but differs from that of any other
living thing except possibly an identical twin. This difference makes
the DNA break at different places when certain proteins called
enzymes are added to it, resulting in smaller DNA fragments of
different sizes. These fragments migrate at different rates in an
electric field, resulting in a unique pattern; this pattern is referred
to as a DNA fingerprint.
Our DNA is inherited from our parents. Some parts come from
the father and some from the mother. DNA fingerprinting can help
identify parentage, since a son or a daughter would always exhibit
a pattern identifiable as coming from both parents. DNA
fingerprinting analysis is very useful in forensic science; from a
single hair or a tiny spot of blood, it is possible to prove the innocence
or guilt of a murder suspect. Similarly, it is also possible to identify
human remains after violent accidents have caused disfigurement.
It has been suggested that in the not so distant future, a DNA
fingerprinting profile of the individual will have to accompany
applications for an ID card, a bank account and a driving license.
Human right groups say this type of “genetic profiling” constitutes
an invasion of privacy. As with a lot of new technology, DNA
fingerprinting also has a potential for abuse.
(ii) Honeybees are very sophisticated at position location and
navigation. It is known that they use the sun as a guide. They
also appear to have a good memory. They convey the information
of a new find of food to the hive through an amazingly clever dance
language. The dance indicates the direction and distance of the
food source with respect to the direction of the sun in the sky! If it
is dark inside the hive and a light bulb is switched on, the dance
is modified to include the light bulb as a new reference direction!
Since bees have pictorial memory of some sort, a direction-finding
mechanism and a way of reckoning distance, they are probably
better equipped for getting back home than any of us!
(iii) Rain is the result of condensation of vapour when the air is cooled
below the dew point. All the vapour in a cloud cannot condense at
the same time and turn into a large pool of water. Pockets of air
move up independently and slowly cool till condensation begins
and water droplets form. It is believed that most raindrops start
out as tiny ice crystals — so tiny that they float down, slowly
accreting more moisture on the way; at lower altitudes, the crystals
melt into water droplets. In colder climates, the crystals reach the
ground as snowflakes.

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