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    8 Self Esteem

    Uploaded by

    Andy Jikh
    This document provides guidance on developing healthy self-esteem. It discusses how low self-esteem often stems from past events and critical experiences. Some signs of low self-esteem are conditional acceptance of oneself that depends on external factors like achievements or relationships. The document recommends practicing unconditional self-acceptance and self-love through letting go of the past, focusing on personal strengths, and engaging in self-nurturing activities like writing positive affirmations or getting a massage. Resources for further information like books and apps are also included.

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    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd

    8 Self Esteem

    Uploaded by

    Andy Jikh
    148 views8 pages
    This document provides guidance on developing healthy self-esteem. It discusses how low self-esteem often stems from past events and critical experiences. Some signs of low self-esteem are conditional acceptance of oneself that depends on external factors like achievements or relationships. The document recommends practicing unconditional self-acceptance and self-love through letting go of the past, focusing on personal strengths, and engaging in self-nurturing activities like writing positive affirmations or getting a massage. Resources for further information like books and apps are also included.

    Original Description:

    A guide for students with low self-esteem

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    © © All Rights Reserved

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    This document provides guidance on developing healthy self-esteem. It discusses how low self-esteem often stems from past events and critical experiences. Some signs of low self-esteem are conditional acceptance of oneself that depends on external factors like achievements or relationships. The document recommends practicing unconditional self-acceptance and self-love through letting go of the past, focusing on personal strengths, and engaging in self-nurturing activities like writing positive affirmations or getting a massage. Resources for further information like books and apps are also included.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as pdf or txt
    148 views8 pages

    8 Self Esteem

    Uploaded by

    Andy Jikh
    This document provides guidance on developing healthy self-esteem. It discusses how low self-esteem often stems from past events and critical experiences. Some signs of low self-esteem are conditional acceptance of oneself that depends on external factors like achievements or relationships. The document recommends practicing unconditional self-acceptance and self-love through letting go of the past, focusing on personal strengths, and engaging in self-nurturing activities like writing positive affirmations or getting a massage. Resources for further information like books and apps are also included.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
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    You are on page 1of 8

    I don't love me

    A G U I D E T O A
    H E A L T H Y S E L F - E S T E E M

    T: +27 51 401 2853 l E: scd@ufs.ac.za l www.ufs.ac.za\kovsiecounselling


    I DON'T LOVE ME Lize van den Bergh

    Most people have moments or days when


    A person who does they don’t feel good about themselves. That
    not set conditions for is pretty normal. But, it can become a
    his/her self-
    worth has a healthier
    problem if it is more frequent than not.
    relationship Naturally, a person might feel more negative
    with him/herself. A about themselves at certain times in their
    statement such as:
    “Yes, my boyfriend lives, for example after failing a test or after a
    broke up with me, but break-up. This is also normal. It is sometimes
    this doesn’t mean I
    am not worthy of a natural process of figuring things out. When
    love. It just means we you fail a test, feeling bad about it often leads
    did not work together
    to doing something different for the next
    and will probably be
    better suited with test. You might be feeling bad about yourself,
    another person” because you KNOW you didn’t study hard
    means you have
    unconditional self- enough. In this case, it is helpful, as it raises
    acceptance and self-awareness. BUT, if this feeling is more
    self-love.
    permanent than fleeting, it does a lot more
    harm than good.
    47
    WHERE DOES MY
    SELF-ESTEEM COME FROM?
    Events in the past are most
    often to blame. Children are not
    born with low self-esteem.
    Some experiences that might
    have a negative impact on your
    self-esteem are:

    • Having a critical parent


    Being able to fully accept yourself, • Being abused (sexually,
    warts and all, is an important aspect verbally, physically)
    of living a fulfilling life. If you are • Experiencing academic
    able to do this, you won’t need to difficulties
    “conditionally” accept yourself. For • Romantic relationships (that
    example, a person who has a low ended badly / are unhealthy)
    self-esteem usually has conditions • Being bullied
    for him/herself: “IF I succeed at my
    test, THEN I am clever/worthy” or
    “IF I have a boyfriend THEN I am
    pretty/important.”

    rather learn to accept


    yourself Unconditionally
    It is important to get to know yourself
    and to know your strengths and
    challenges without judging them.

    48
    You have weaknesses, but you ARE NOT your weaknesses.
    HOW DO I LET GO?
    Holding on to past events does more
    harm than good. We often struggle
    to let go due to the emotional impact
    that this event had on us. It is also
    easier sometimes to blame
    someone/something for us not
    succeeding in life. Refer to page 100:
    “Something in my past continues to
    haunt me” for more help with this.
    It is important to become aware of your own sabotaging behaviours, so
    that you can CHOOSE to live your ultimate life. The life you deserve!
    SELF-SABOTAGE
    Long after the event / person
    is no longer in our lives, we
    often sabotage our own
    success / happiness because
    we often do not believe we
    deserve it. Some self-
    sabotaging behaviours are:

    • Procrastinating
    • Addictions (substances,
    shopping, relationships)
    • Self-harm
    • Negative self-talk
    • People-pleasing
    • Being submissive 49
    COMMITMENT I choose to be kind,
    Today, I commit myself to: gentle and patient
    • Let go of my past with myself.
    • Stop waiting for my life to get better
    • Choose action I choose self-
    • Focus on MY truth, values and beliefs, compassion.
    not those of others
    • Love myself unconditionally I choose self-love.
    List 5 things that you appreciate about yourself.
    These can be physical attributes or personal characteristics.

    50
    Another way to create more self-love is to nurture and take care
    of yourself. By doing this, you are giving yourself the message
    that you are worthy of receiving love and care, just like anyone
    else. Here are some examples of self-nurturing activities.
    Try to do one of these every day:

    Spoil yourself with a Get a massage / pedicure / manicure / haircut


    cappuccino / milkshake
    Go to the movies
    Take a walk in nature Watch
    by yourself
    the
    Buy yourself Relax with a
    sunrise
    something good book or
    or
    special that you soothing music
    sunset
    can afford
    Have breakfast in bed
    Write yourself a kind letter filled with compliments and
    acknowledgment of your accomplishments

    51
    Keeping a daily self-esteem journal could help you focus your
    attention on positive things within and around you.
    You might realise that you do a lot of great things
    without thinking about them.

    I felt proud when


    Today I really enjoyed
    I was kind when
    A positive thing I witnessed
    Today I accomplished
    A compliment I received
    I had fun when

    Repeating positive affirmations is


    another way of boosting your self-
    esteem. Here are some examples:
    I am a valuable and important person
    I deserve to be alive
    I am kind to myself and others

    ADD YOUR OWN:

    52
    RESOURCES WEBSITES

    www.helpguide.org

    APPS

    Simply Being
    Confidence Coach
    Pay It Forward
    Cognitive Diary
    Happier
    Build Confidence
    Self Esteem Building Guide

    BOOKS

    "The Personal Workbook for Breaking the Chain of Low


    Self-Esteem: A Proven Program for Recovery from LSE"
    by Marilyn J. Sorensen, Ph.D.

    "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by E.J Bourne

    "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed


    to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brene Brown

    "The Self-love Experiment: Fifteen principles for becoming more


    kind, compassionate, and accepting of yourself" by Shannon Kaiser

    53

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