ESOTERIC

A Collection of Secret Games

by Jay Dragon
edited by Abe Mendes
published 2019 by Possum Creek Games

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The games contained within this text are old. Not the oldest, but
close, close enough that they remember when play was called ritual
and games were called gods. Esoteric is a collection of games, sure, but
it is also a secret. For, you see, to describe a moment is to trap it. To
pass on a memory of a moment is to mock it, stripping it of life and
transforming it into clumsy masks and half-truths. Some things can
be remembered. But perhaps, not everything must be.
If your time spent playing Esoteric is a healthy one, and all goes
well, then you should avoid describing your experiences to others
or explaining what the game was like. It will be a secret, contained
between the players, and it will die with your memory. Once you
start playing, this rule is yours to follow for as long as you choose to
continue playing.
This rule is like all other rules—it should be suspended in the name
of safety. Speak of this game if you must, to warn others, or to ask
for help. In these golden days, your safety comes before the laws of
any game, and if you don’t want to play along, nothing can make you.
Esoteric is a secret game, to be played under the cover of darkness.
You may organize people together to play it, and get the supplies you
need, but you cannot speak of what is to come besides to show the
text of this game to others. Whoever reads from this book during the
games is to be known as The Reader, in addition to any other names
they might possess.
Before you begin playing, turn out all the lights and put away any
machines you have with you. They won’t help you here.

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 Games of Arrival
When we all arrive to play these games, our first objective is to build
space through our play. Without a space, we’ll have nothing. Sitting
in a circle, follow the instructions below, then choose at least one of
the Games of Arrival to play.
1. In the darkness, whoever is reading from this book asks the
group, “Is the world ready for what will happen here tonight?”
2. Each person goes around the circle and says what they will. If
anyone provides an answer that isn’t affirmative, then the game
ceases for the night. These sorts of answers might include, “The
stars aren’t ready,” “I’m not ready,” “We’re not ready.”
3. With that, it is time to make our introductions through the
Games of Arrival.

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The Runaway’s Game
I offer now an old game, a game passed down amongst unsafe people. I’ve
played it many times, hiding in my closet with no one but the worms to listen.
I offer now instructions for the Runaway’s Game.
All of you must now sit in a circle in the darkness. If it is cold, let it
be cold. If it is hot, let it be hot.
The Reader must now ask each other player in turn the question,
“What is your name?”
Each player must in turn answer, “I won’t tell you my name, but you can
call me…” and then a word, phrase, or concept that will be their name
in that space.
Then, the Reader must now ask each other player in turn the question,
“Why are you here?”
Each player must in turn answer, “I am here because…” followed by
an explanation of something that that player is afraid of, something
they want to leave outside the circle. Quickly abandon the structure
of questioning. Instead, allow the game to become a litany of fears,
worries, and insecurities. Like a crescendo, listen to these fears wax
and wane, until the circle is silent.

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Silvertongue
I offer now an old game, a game that was played back when lies were shameful
and hidden things. In times like those, lying is a game, an exotic luxury, not
a reality of living. I offer now instructions for Silvertongue.
The players sit in their circle, and it is best for each player to sit
differently than they live in life. Queens should sit like beggars, and
vagabonds like nobility. If normally coquettish, they can spread their
legs, and if traditionally brash, they can curl themself inwards.
Starting with the Reader, each player can tell a lie. The lie can be
short (“I love no one in the circle,” “I’ve been in a fight,” “I think the world
is going to be okay”) or long and elaborate. Lies come in many sizes,
and it is up to each player what form theirs takes, should they choose
to tell one.
The game continues until each player has told three lies.

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The Prince of Crowns
I offer now an old game, a game of the violent act of naming, a game that kings
have played for as long as there have been kings. I offer now instructions for
the Prince of Crowns.
All of you sit in your circle like ancient kings of distant Sumer,
empowered now to claim the world that is.
Going around the circle, starting with the Reader, say the name you
will have in this space, and the gender your body experiences while
you are in this space, and the pronouns which will be used for this
gender while you are in this space. These answers can, should, and
will be different from the ones you use in daily life.
Going around the circle, starting with the Reader, state openly what
you are the god, goddess, goddex, or godling of. Describe for the
other players the vastness of your domain, what the light of your
star reaches, the endless bounty of your hopes and dreams made
manifest into the little places of the world. Remember that gods are
old and you are young, and the world has been claimed and overrun
already by many things, and it might be that all that is left are the
little hidden things…
...and in turn, state what you are not the god of. Your domain reaches
far, but not far enough. Draw that line and admit this weakness to the
circle of fledgling gods. Articulate where you cannot go.

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 Games of
Consumption
Games aren’t safe. Esoteric, doubly so. There is a chance that by
leaping into them you will commit violence onto your body and
heart. There is an even greater chance that by tiptoeing around them
you will commit this same violence, unable to express it. I can’t keep
you safe, and I can’t tell you how to stay safe. Games aren’t safe,
but that doesn’t mean you can’t try. Remember that if you don’t feel
ready to play a game, that means it isn’t time to play it, and you’ll feel
better skipping the game than forcing your way through it.
Don’t play these games.
If you do, choose one to play at a time, and no more.

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Wordhunger
I offer now an old game, a game I thought I had written while sitting on an
airplane trying to sleep. It had climbed behind my eyelids and acted itself out
for me. I offer now instructions for Wordhunger.
This is a game for two people—myself, and a partner. It should never
be played with an empty meal for a partner, such as a mirror or a
photograph.
We’ll sit together, you and I, and lock our aching hands together.
You can begin. Stare silently into my eyes for as long as you can bear,
until words begin to come crawling out of your mouth. Describe me,
fully. You’re not here to bolster my ego, or to dig deep against my
insecurities. I am your teleprompter. Your tongue shapes me.
Describe my jawline, jutting forward. Describe my skin, stubble
bursting. Describe my off-white teeth, my thin gums, my tired hair.
Describe my eyes as I listen to you say these words. Describe my
tears, describe my smile, describe how I look when I try to look away.
Call me what you want. See me.
With your teeth and lips and alveolar ridge and dagger tongue, tear
against my soft skin.
Once you have finished, and you are full of me, can I do the same for
you?
Lastly, we will feast together on what remains.

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The Wolf & Rabbit Game
I offer now an old game, taught to me by my first love, a plastic angel I found
on sale at Walmart. We played it once, and I stared down her slobbering
jaws, and lived to tell the tale. I offer now instructions for the Wolf &
Rabbit Game.
While only two people play the game, many more must hold the space.
These voyeurs are called Witnesses, and they sit on fine pillows or on
hardwood floors, forming a circle around the two players. Whenever
a player gets too close to the edge of the circle, the Witnesses drum
on the ground with both of their hands.
One player is the Rabbit. They are both blindfolded and gagged, and
can begin anywhere in the circle.
One player is the Wolf. They are blindfolded, but their maw can
freely bite, and they always begin at the edge of the circle.
The game begins when the Wolf calls out, “Little one, little one, will
you climb into my mouth?”
The Witnesses reply for the Rabbit, “Scary wolf, scary wolf, no they
won’t!”
Then, the Wolf says, to start the game, “Very well, very well, I’ll catch
you!”
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The game ends when the Wolf catches the Rabbit. At that point, all
can switch roles.

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Jormungandr
I offer now an old game, a game that encircles the earth, a game of surviving
and survival. I offer now instructions for Jormungandr.
This game requires enough water. If you don’t have enough water,
you cannot play this game.
One by one, within the circle, submerge one foot beneath the water.
Hold it there until you can’t anymore, and then emerge.
One by one, within the circle, submerge both legs beneath the water.
Hold them there until you can’t anymore, and then emerge.
One by one, within the circle, submerge your body up to your neck
beneath the water. Hold it there until you can’t anymore, and then
emerge.
One by one, within the circle, submerge your head beneath the water.
Hold it there until you can’t anymore, and then emerge.
One by one, within the circle, submerge your aching heart beneath
the water. Hold her there until you can’t anymore.

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 Games of
Reanimation
Games are about killing off the little parts of you you can’t bear to
keep alive any longer. Games are monuments to apocalypses.

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The Breakdown Game
I offer now an old game. The day I learned it I realized I have spent too
much of my life playing it, and I resolved to never play again. I offer now
instructions for the Breakdown Game.
I stood in the center of the circle. To begin, I made a statement of
who I was, a statement like; “I am a friend,” “I am a student,” “I am a
mentor.”
Then, the group would reply with their same phrase,
“Yes you are, but what else are you?”
I then made another statement of who I was, a statement like; “I am
a friend,” “I am an idiot,” “I am doing my best.”
“Yes you are, but what else are you?”
We continued this way for ten minutes. I was left broken on the
ground (although I could’ve rejoined the circle), and another person
stepped over me, into the circle, to continue the game.
“Yes you are, but what else are you?”

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Corpse Dance
I offer now an old game, one that I learned beneath the stars. I fell in love
a thousand times that night, with both the living and the dead. It must be
played to music, for any good dance must have music. I offer now instructions
for Corpse Dance.
Form into groups of three. If there aren’t enough of you, you cannot
and should not play this game.
The first player is the Beating Heart. They must stand perfectly still,
eyes closed, until the music begins.
The second player is the Petrified Corpse. They must mirror the
Heart, standing perfectly still just as the Heart does, until the music
begins.
The third player is the Silent Guardian. They must stand three steps
away from the Heart and the Corpse, and guard the Heart and the
Corpse from the dangers of the world once the music begins.
When the music begins, the Heart dances.
The Corpse follows the movements of the Heart exactly.
The Guardian surrounds the dance, and keeps them both safe—from
other dancers, their own movements, or the cursed world itself.
Eventually, the dance must end, and the Heart must still, and the
Corpse must die once more. At this point, players may play again,
and all can switch roles.

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Masks
I offer now an old game. I first played this game in the darkness when I was
a teenager, and I play it every day when I face the world with a smile on my
face. I offer now instructions for Masks.
This game can only be played if you each have a mask with you, and
if there’s a mirror. If you don’t, then it cannot be played.
Starting with the player to the left of me: Step forward, and stare into
a mirror or other reflective surface. Place the mask against your cold
skin. Become the mask.
Masks do not speak in this game, but they can move through the
circle with grace and expression. Move as your mask does, not as you
do.
Once you are done, go to the mirror and remove the mask before
returning to the circle. The next player may then begin.
Remember now, the most important rule of masks:
Never put your fingers through the eye holes.

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 Games of
Mourning
It hurts to say goodbye. You’re all so far away, and you’re all so quiet.
I don’t want to leave you behind.

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Stolen Kiss
I offer now an old game, from when humans stole love from the demons that
lived in the mountains, and passed it among themselves like tiny pieces of
cold candy. I offer now instructions for Stolen Kiss.
We will stand around our circle holding hands, avoiding eye contact,
feeling the warmth between us.
The Reader will begin by kissing the back of the right hand of the
person to their left.
That person will kiss the back of the Reader’s left hand.
Then, that person will kiss the back of the right hand of the person to
their left, and that person will kiss back.
We will continue around the circle like this, until the gentle kiss has
returned to the Reader.

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The Sunrise Game
I offer now an old game. It was played the first day the sun rose across the
sky, and I don’t consider someone my friend unless we’ve played it together.
I offer now instructions for the Sunrise Game.
Sit together in your circle. Starting with the Reader, speak aloud
something you’ve been thinking about. It can be a story, a memory,
a hope, a dream, a fear, a confession, a mockery, an evaluation, a
torment, a secret, or whatever else might be bubbling inside your
soul.
Never speak in the future tense. Do not talk about what is coming
next, only what has been and what is.
You may talk for as long as you need.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to scream.
It’s okay to sit in silence.
Once every word inside your body has been spoken, pass it to the
next person, who will then speak.
Continue this way until the sun rises, or you all fall asleep.

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The Last Time Game
I can’t offer instructions to the Last Time Game. I was taught it in confidence,
under the privacy of the shaking maple trees and amid the ruins of an old
industrial building. Sometimes games must be secret, even from the people
who want to play it. I think you’ll find, if I offer you the chance to play the
Last Time Game, you’ll uncover the rules for them in your own time.
Take your time, and only play when you’re ready.

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