THE 40-DAY MINDFUL PAUSE

SHORT MOMENTS TO WELCOME PEACE OF MIND, LESS

STRESS, AND MORE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
SIMONE E. CLARK
 CONTENTS

Introduction

1. Sit and Breathe

2. Drive
3. Eat
4. Sit and Breathe
5. Be Present
6. Bring in Some Compassion
7. Listen Intently
8. Slow Down
9. Put Away Your Expectations
10. Sit and Breathe
11. Let Go of Perfection
12. Self-acceptance
13. Be Okay with Fear
14. Befriend Who You Are
15. Sit and Breathe
16. One Breath at a Time
17. Let Go of Control
18. Learn Someone’s Name
19. Broken
20. Sit and Breathe
21. Anxiety
22. Something Beautiful
23. Nature
24. Everything Changes
25. Sit and Breathe
26. Shed the Past
27. Ponder the Truth
28. Waves
29. New
30. Sit and Breathe
31. Dance
32. Patience
33. Empathy
34. Savor That Next Bite
35. Sit and Breathe
36. Choices
37. Unplug
38. All You Have is Now
39. Breathe It In
40. Sit and Breathe

Conclusion
References
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 For my friend, Shelley,

Thanks for trusting me enough to share your vulnerabilities, and letting

me do the same!
 INTRODUCTION

Hi! My name is Simone and I am admittedly someone who does not take
moments to pause. I am definitely a person who likes to stay busy, tend to
my family, do projects, do the laundry, watch Netflix, and so on, and so on.
I tend not to stop, breathe, and think about the things in life that matter to
me. I tend to shovel down meals, fill my time with the same things each
day, and do not step out of my comfortable box too often.
Does this sound familiar? Maybe you are drawn to this book because you
are curious about the content. Let me tell you, it’s all about creating space
in our lives to take a moment to breathe. We need to take stock and refill
our tank, as they say! Now, it’s easy to say we don’t have time, but if I can
find the time, I believe you can too!
I find day to day that I am living the same life over and over. Getting up,
getting kids ready for school (which happens to be at home currently),
getting myself ready for my day, making the meals, helping with
homework, doing the laundry—you know what I mean. Then I find myself
plopped in front of the tv with my husband in the evenings just trying to
escape any sort of thinking. I’m ready to drift off into la-la land and let my
brain take a break from the enormity of the day.
I’m writing this book not only for me but for you as well. I’m in need of a
little break, and I’m hoping this book will also help you create that space.
Some day’s actions might be short, others are a bit more time-intensive.
Whether you are working towards goals, or in a season of much-needed rest
in your life, taking ten to fifteen (sometimes even fewer) minutes each day
to refresh your mind and spirit might be just what you need. I know I need
it from time to time!
If you read my previous book, Mindful Eating for Lasting Weight Loss,
you’ll be reminded that mindful moments can happen anywhere and can
help us through life in a myriad of ways! Not only with weight loss but in
centering ourselves, decreasing stress, filling our emotional needs, and
much more!
Taking time to integrate moments of mindfulness cultivates growth in our
daily living and enhances our way of living. Mindfulness provides
occasions to welcome calm, clarity, and harmony.
GUIDELINES:
You are making a commitment to yourself and no one else. By taking this
journey you are ready to bring more clarity, calm, and harmony into your
life. This will not only welcome these factors to your own life; these things
will also bleed into the lives of those around you. You will be choosing
every day to take a moment for yourself, talk through the details of each
moment with yourself, and usher in the things that help you feel centered
and joyful.
What will I do?
Before you do anything, think about what time of day might be best to read
the chapters in this book. Each chapter will be in bite-size amounts. Think
five to fifteen minutes at the most. It can be very easy to get a book and
have the strongest intentions, and then watch it sit night after night on your
nightstand, all the while, saying, “I’m sure I’ll get to this tomorrow.” Get to
it today, my friend! What time of day could you carve out five or fifteen
minutes? Could it be when you typically turn on the TV or look at your
phone? Could it be when the computer is calling your name? Take this
opportunity to change your habits for the better, and make time for
mindfulness.
I’m here to remind you that you can find that time! Who will you choose
today? Yes, you’ll tend to your family, as you should. You’ll find time for
work, the laundry, cooking, and the many other things that are necessities.
But what about that moment when you get to breathe? Will you miss that
moment or will you choose to use it by implementing some self-care? By
taking this bit of time, you can help foster less stress, more calm, and
certainly more direction on where you want to be in life.
If you run to electronics, drinking, food, or any other substance to find
comfort or reward, let’s look together to something else. Join me in taking a
forty-day journey that feels rewarding, not taxing. A journey that feels
refreshing, not draining. Not only will you see a dramatic change within
your life, but you will also see stress relief in your loved ones around. As
you become calmer, they will become calmer.
1
 SIT AND BREATHE

Y ou will see “sit and breathe” several times on this journey

because I can’t stress the importance of sitting and being still
enough. If you can do longer than two minutes, go for it! Two
minutes is simply a starting point.
Start out by choosing a spot that is quiet. This goes without saying, but it
can be so easy to get distracted or have distractions within the home. If you
feel like you need to go to your car, go ahead. Perhaps your office or your
bedroom will feel better. Turn on some soft music, maybe classical or
something without words. YouTube has some amazing meditation music
options you can play in the background. Wherever you go, make sure this
space feels inviting for you.
Next, sit or lie down—just try not to fall asleep. I commend you if you can
fall asleep in two minutes’ time, though! Sit in a comfortable position, and
close your eyes. Set a timer if you are on a time crunch. During these two
minutes, try to let your everyday thoughts move on. It can be so easy to
think about what you might have to do next, all the things that may be on
your to-do list, or all the things that are coming in the week ahead. Try to
move through these two minutes acknowledging your thoughts while letting
them float on by. No need to invite them to stay—this is your time!
Right now you are giving your brain a break. While you sit in silence or
with soft music, relax your entire body from your head to your toes.
Consciously relax your forehead, your eyes, your jaw. Roll your neck and
your shoulders, stretch your arms, let your fingers hang loose. Position
yourself in a posture that keeps your back comfortable. Stretch your legs,
flex your toes, and breathe.
Feel the breath move in and out of your lungs, in and out of your nose.
Create a zone that feels inviting, relaxing, and will leave you feeling
refreshed. Remember that your thoughts will come at you like a tornado,
especially if you aren’t used to taking quiet moments for yourself.
Our minds aren’t used to quiet. The quiet that comes with being in a silent
room is rare these days, considering all of the technology we depend on
constantly. The quiet of closing our eyes can also be foreign to our brain.
Think about those moments that you try to sleep and your mind is racing
with thoughts of what went wrong today or what could go wrong tomorrow.
Taking moments of silence for the eyes, the mind, and the ears can help
usher in strength. This strength can help you later when you’re trying to
sleep.
We know that sleep is so essential for so many reasons. One reason is that
getting proper sleep can help relieve anxiety and stress. Much like building
up a muscle, learning how to have quiet moments can train our brains to
slow down. As we exercise and train our bodies to move more, we train our
minds to slow down and enjoy the moment. Slow down and relax. Slow
down and find joy in small things.
As we alleviate daily stress we are freeing our bodies of anxiety, irritability,
depression, headaches, and insomnia, just to name a few. Our bodies are
acclimated to fight or flight mode, so it sends out signals that keep us in a
state of panic or in a state of calm. Chronic stress is the greatest detriment
to the body and can lead to other unhealthy choices such as over-eating, not
eating enough, or a myriad of other negative situations. I don’t want to
focus in great depth on these factors, but instead on the healing power that
you are ready to harness: the healing power of slowing down and
encouraging moments of calm and quiet.
So, let’s take two minutes to sit in peace and quiet. Light a candle. Make it
an event. Or keep it simple and take these moments for yourself with
nothing else happening at the same time. This is your time, so it is totally up
to you! Are you feeling ready to try this? Let’s do it!
CALL TO ACTION:
Each day I’ll give you a call to action. This might be a physical action or
simply an action to take within your mind. I hope you can carve out some
space for these implementable steps.
Today, take two minutes to sit in silence. This might be in your bed, in your
car, in the yard enjoying nature, or even right before you sit down to a meal.
Wherever it is, set a two-minute alarm on your phone and just sit and
breathe.
Maybe you’ll take this moment to be thankful. Perhaps you’ll use this
moment to center yourself before you take that first bite. Or maybe you
simply want to bring in a moment of calm as you continue taking care of
your sweet family. Whatever it might be, make these two minutes a priority
for you.
2
 DRIVE

Y es, this might feel a little strange, but let’s have a mindful
moment in the car. Stay with me here! I used to have a commute
from work to my home of about 25-35 minutes. Not long at all,
yet long enough to get my brain thinking about all the things I
had to do when I got home. Dinner, the laundry, phone calls, the list goes on
and on. I decided to rearrange my car ride to welcome in a mindful moment
when things got a bit complex in my mind. While I didn’t accomplish this
every day, it became something I looked forward to during an otherwise
boring commute.
Mindfulness is the quality or state of being conscious or aware of
something. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as “the practice of
maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of
one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis.”
For our purpose of using mindfulness as a therapeutic technique, we’ll
describe it as a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the
present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings,
thoughts, and bodily sensations.
Bringing awareness and coming to the present in the car may seem a bit
foreign because you don’t typically think of the car as being a place of
peace and quiet. However, since you’re stuck in the car, there’s nowhere
else to go! You may choose to listen to a podcast or music, both of which
are fabulous ideas, but taking a mindful moment can be beneficial. This
moment can assist in bringing in gratefulness and strength to the present.
Practicing gratefulness periodically can help bring these positive moments
to mind more often. Just as you might exercise to help build strength within
your body, you also can help train your brain to take more mindful and
grateful moments. The next time you are in your car, whether alone or with
other people, allow yourself a moment to look around and be thankful for
the present.
Ask yourself these questions and again, remember that we are talking about
the current moment, sitting in your car, driving to your destination. Not the
moment before and not what will be.
Am I safe right now? Yes, you are. Unless someone is following you, and in
that case, get somewhere safe!
Do I have shelter over my head? Yes, you have a car roof over your head.
You might be thinking right now, “...but Simone, you don’t know what is
going on in my life. How can I possibly feel grateful?” You’re right. I don’t
know your hardships or your state of mind. I don’t know your struggles and
challenges. But I do know that we all go through hard seasons of life, and I
am here to tell you that it is possible, with practice, to find peace and
gratefulness, even in the midst of pain.
Ask yourself: What do I see around me that makes me grateful? Look
around—Is there a night sky? Are there orange leaves on the trees? What
part of nature or the landscape around you bring a sense of home or feelings
of peace? There will be something, and you just have to permit yourself to
look for it.
Perhaps the next time you are in the car with your partner, children, or
friends, you might invite them to come into a mindful moment with you.
Here are some good questions to ask those around you:

What are you grateful for right at this moment?

What are you feeling right at this moment?
What was the best part of your day?

There’s no limit to bringing in mindful moments when you are with others!
Again it might not feel like the most comfortable move, but hopefully, by
the end of these forty days, you’ll have a better handle on stepping out of
your comfort zone and welcoming in more of these changes.
CALL TO ACTION:
In the next couple of days, practice mindful moments. Take a pause and
look around. What feels like home? What calms you down? What can you
be grateful for? Practice this mindfulness exercise two or three times this
week. Invite those around you to join in!
Depending on your comfort level, you can even use this practice as a
conversation starter. If you and your partner, friends, or children are
practicing mindfulness together, you might want to share what you’re
thinking about. This could give you insight into other people and help you
understand them in a new way. An added bonus is that, if thinking of these
people brings you peace, they would be thrilled to hear that, and it might
increase their feelings of gratefulness.
3
 EAT

D inner might feel much like being in the car. You’re obligated to
do it pretty much every night, but here’s hoping you are having
dinner with people you really enjoy spending time with! There is
time in the evening when you and your loved ones gather together at the
dinner table to enjoy some delicious food. It’s something you’re doing
anyway, so why not make time to bring in some mindful moments?
Meals are such a fantastic time to gather, break bread, and have meaningful
conversations. Though we are social beings, in our culture it can be
effortless to rush through dinner to get to the next thing in our culture.
People often have dinner in front of the tv or focus on other electronics. You
might sit right next to someone without saying a word, or mindlessly eat so
that it’s challenging to hold a conversation, let alone remember anything
about the meal you just ate.
It’s never too late to change any of these habits that may already be in
place. Holding a conversation with your loved ones is a great place to start.
Having a mindful moment at dinner doesn’t mean you have to sit together
every evening and grill each other about your days. Having said that, it
could be a great activity to implement a few times a week to pause, ask
questions to check in, and have significant moments together. One evening
could be electronics-free, one night could be dedicated to reflecting on the
week, and one night could be a fantastic time to implement some thankful
moments.
Sometimes it can be hard to think of something if you feel put on the spot.
One of my favorite ways to think of something to be thankful for each day
is to rank my highs and my lows. I usually start with the low, so there’s
nowhere to go but up! I think of something that seemed bad about my day,
like waking up late or getting stuck in rush hour traffic.
Then I think of my favorite part of the day, which could be something good
that happened at work, or a sweet email I got from a friend. After practicing
mindfulness, I’ve found that my favorite moment is usually the current
moment! Some days, nothing beats sitting down to a good meal with my
favorite people. And when I tell them that’s what I’m thankful for, seeing
their smiling faces makes the moment even better!
It might not be realistic to have a mindful meal like this every night. People
work, kids have sports, and there are social events to take part in. It might
feel more realistic to bring these moments in as you find the time and need,
and that’s all right! They’ll feel natural that way, and you’ll enjoy them
even more.
We’ll get into mindful eating in a later chapter, and I wrote an entire book
about it, so I hope you catch my enthusiasm! Just to intrigue you—mindful
eating is a way of savoring every bite of your food in a way that keeps you
fully immersed in the experience with no distractions. It’s such a satisfying
way to enjoy a meal!
Even before we really delve into mindful eating, you’ll want to implement
moments of mindfulness into your meals. Even if you’re eating alone at
your desk at work, you can take some time to enjoy your food and think.
Don’t feel like you need to work through lunch or catch up on personal
texts. Take some time to be alone with your food and your thoughts.
CALL TO ACTION:
Today or tomorrow, choose a meal where you can implement a mindful
moment either on your own or with your loved ones. Use an example
above, like checking in, going over your days, sharing what you’re thankful
for, or come up with your own moment.
Once you implement a mindful moment, you’ll see how easy it is to do.
You’ll also feel the peace and gratitude it inspires in you and your family,
and that feeling alone will be enough to make you want to continue this
tradition.
4
 SIT AND BREATHE

H ere’s our second moment for a breather. For this sit and
breathe moment, focus on two things that you are grateful for.
According to Harvard Health, “Gratitude is a thankful
appreciation for what an individual received, whether tangible or
intangible.” You can be thankful for your home, your family, your pets,
your favorite books, anyone you know, or anything you own. You can also
be thankful for the sunshine, cool breezes, your favorite song on the radio,
or cuddling up to watch a good movie.
Harvard Health also says, “Gratitude helps people feel more positive
emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity,
and build strong relationships.” Even taking a deep breath can make you
feel grateful. Breathing deeply wakes up both your body and your brain,
making you feel alive—and who doesn’t feel thankful for feeling so alive?
When you take the time to feel grateful for the things you have, you’ll feel
healthy and strong. Think of your close friends and family, and how much
they support you. Think of all you already have and all you’re working
towards! Doesn’t acknowledging all of that make you feel positive?
As you can see, there are many reasons to be grateful; however, it can be
elementary to lose sight of these reasons. As we move through this thing
called life, it can be easy to skip or simply miss these moments as we are
tending to so many other things. Something going wrong can quickly put a
damper on your whole day. Have you ever woken up late and been grumpy
because of it? Or let horrible traffic make you angry, and then be unable to
stop yourself from passing that anger on to people you encounter later?
It is easy to let bad feelings stick in our minds more and influence us more
strongly than moments of positivity or kindness. But you can change that!
Gratitude is an amazing way to feel satisfied with what we have in front of
us, rather than longing for things that we may not have. It helps us stay in
the moment, rather than always looking to the next best thing or long for the
tangible and intangible things that may not be in our lives.
Making time for mindful moments throughout your day will help you feel
gratitude for all you have. If you wake up late, shake it off and keep going!
You can’t rewind and keep yourself from hitting the snooze button, so just
find something to be thankful for in the meantime. Good thing you washed
your hair last night, or already laid out your clothes! If you get stuck in
traffic and get angry, it’s okay to react in the moment. But once you reach
your destination, take a minute to breathe deep and be grateful that you
made it without being in a wreck.
You can also take mindful moments out of your thoughts and make them
something tangible in real life. Instead of just thinking about someone
you’re grateful for, why not write them a note? People love getting mail,
and your friend might not know how much you appreciated her pet-sitting
when you went out of town. You don’t have to write a card and find a
stamp; you can thank people in person, too. We often think people know we
are thankful for them, but if we never say it, they might not feel our
gratitude.
CALL TO ACTION:
In the next couple of days, find a time where you can sit for two minutes.
Pick two things to be grateful for and think about all the factors that go into
why you chose these two things. Breaking down your general thoughts into
reasons will inspire you to feel even more grateful for what you have.
As you explore mindfulness, you might feel compelled to keep a gratitude
journal. This is a space where you can write down things you’re thankful
for as they come up in these Calls to Action. Once you start keeping track
of everything you’re grateful for, you might be surprised at how everything
snowballs and you’ll find you’ve filled a notebook in no time! Even if you
don’t choose to write down what you’re thankful for, you’ll find that calling
them to mind during these Calls to Action will make them more likely to
pop into your head throughout your everyday life!
5
 BE PRESENT

T his is a big one, friends! Coming to the present! It’s not

always easy; however, there are so many benefits. Once you
learn how you’re not being present in your daily life, you’ll
start noticing moments of distraction, and you’ll learn how to center
yourself back in the present moment.
You might be thinking, “If I’m not in the present, then where am I?” Well,
that depends on how you typically think of things. Do you dwell in the past,
coming up with the perfect retort hours or days too late? Do you think about
stuff that happened last week or even last year, and let it live in your mind?
That’s not living in the present.
Similarly, worrying about the future is not living in the present. It may seem
more productive because you’re looking ahead instead of reliving what
you’ve already done, but it’s still harmful to your emotional well-being. If
you’re always looking ahead to the next thing, you’re not taking the time to
sit and be in the present moment. Try it; I bet you’ll enjoy it!
Being present can help you become a better listener. Most people tend to
think about what you might say next when you’re talking to another person.
This is a common occurrence, so it’s okay if you’re thinking, “That’s
definitely me.” Being in the present when another person is speaking can
help you listen better, then you can better respond.
An active listener has a conversation with others by listening and letting
their brain only think about what the other person is saying. If you hear
something in the first part of a conversation and think, “I’ve got to tell them
about that I…” then you’re missing the rest of what they say because you’re
busy thinking about your own speech. The conversation's direction might
totally change, and you won’t even notice because you’re stuck in your own
thoughts.
Instead, make eye contact with the person who is speaking. Nod, and give
your space to really listen and think about what they’re saying, without
adding your own two cents. You’ll have time to speak when they’re done,
even if it takes a moment for you to get your thoughts in order. Taking a
moment before you reply will actually show the others that you’ve been
listening to them and are thinking about everything they said.
Active listening will help improve your social skills. When you are able to
be present, you can be free from the overly critical moments that can come
from being in social situations. Instead of worrying about how you look or
what others might think of you, you are content to enjoy the company of
those around you.
If you allow yourself to stay in the present moment, your creativity will be
stronger. Instead of thinking ahead to what the final product may look like,
you’re letting yourself enjoy the process. Having fun with the act of
creating will help your artistic side thrive.
When you’re in the present, you’ll find that the world around you becomes
much more important. You will be less judgmental about the people around
you. The things around you become much more alive and interesting when
you are invested in staying in the moment. You’ll notice moments of quiet,
birds chirping, the deepness of your breath, and that’s so worth the effort!
You’ll stress less when you only focus on the present moment, and who
wouldn’t want less stress? When you take a moment to breathe, there’s
something that happens within our brains and bodies that helps us relax.
When you connect to your breath, you move past the past or the future
anxiety and find calm.
You’ll stop analyzing little things that happen to you because you’re
focused on the moment. You’ll overthink less, and be able to bring yourself
to a place of quiet. If you’re focused on only what’s happening to you in the
present, you’ll be able to push overthinking to the side.
Being present in this way helps remove labels and makes you feel more
open to what’s around you. This can be a huge benefit when approaching
food and labels that we may put on food. In social situations, being present
allows us to come to the table without preconceived notions. Your mind is
open without barriers, and this can help bring freedom to living life.
When you are more present, you are able to feel more free and playful in
life and with others around you. When we can view life as a child might, we
tend to be more lighthearted and to enjoy everything around us instead of
feeling like we’re merely enduring it.
CALL TO ACTION:
In the next couple of days, find several different times to consciously come
to the present. Wherever you are, take time to bring in a bit more creativity,
be an active listener, or add playfulness to the current situation. If you feel
like you’re too distracted, come back to this chapter and find a tip that will
work for you.
6
 BRING IN SOME COMPASSION

L et’s talk a bit about compassion. Merriam-Webster defines

compassion as having a concern for the sufferings or misfortunes
of others and wanting to alleviate that feeling for them. Being
mindful in your compassion means you are observant enough to not only
notice how others are suffering, but to want to help them by reducing their
suffering. Suffering is an intense word, but you realize we have all felt
moments of suffering in our own lives when you think about it.
The reality is that compassion can be extended to other people even if the
suffering is not extreme. Suffering doesn’t have to mean someone is going
through severe physical pain or recovering from extreme mental trauma.
Your daughter may be having a challenging time with an assignment. Your
son may be struggling with his basketball skills. Your friend may be
struggling with a challenging work situation or relationship.
The range of suffering is not important here, rather the approach you choose
to bring to the table. Too often people will just brush off any sort of
problem by thinking they or others will get over it. Everyone expects some
bumps in the road, and society frequently pushes us to just “get over”
problems instead of giving them the attention they deserve.
Perhaps a bit of time spent with any of these people suffering from
problems could help them. You could simply listen and make them realize
that it’s okay to feel how they’re feeling, and that would be an amazing way
to bring in some compassion. Another way might be to get hands-on with
each person, as in literally going outside with your son to assist in some
basketball practice!
Thinking beyond the regular steps that are typically taken is the key here. If
playing basketball just feels like such a drag, think about how much this
might mean to your son. Even if just for 20 minutes. You might find that he
complains and says he doesn’t need your help, but it’s these small moments
that have an impact on the lives of those around us. You’re showing your
loved ones that you’re here for them, and you will show up to do the work
with them. You’re helping them get through their struggles without
brushing them off, and they’ll remember that.
One of the hardest things about practicing compassion is that you have your
own problems, too. It can seem like too much to handle your own issues
plus those of all of your loved ones. You should approach these acts of
compassion as paying it forward. Not only will your small actions of
listening and helping alleviate the stress your loved one is feeling, but
you’re also reminding them of how much you care for them. By investing
in this relationship, you’re showing your loved ones how important they are
to you, and in turn, they will provide this back for you. So by putting aside
your own problems for them at this point in time, they will do the same for
you later.
This compassion shouldn’t only be given to those around you—you deserve
it, too! How often do you beat yourself up for feeling negative emotions?
Do you find yourself constantly degrading yourself, saying you should just
get over it? Stop and think for a minute. Would you say that to a friend?
Probably not! Most people are more kind to their friends than they are to
themselves, but this needs to change.
Mindfulness is all about positive feelings, and this includes showing
compassion for yourself. When you’re thinking negative thoughts or feeling
stuck in a pool of suffering, stop and think before beating yourself up. Treat
yourself like you would a friend, and show yourself some compassion.
CALL TO ACTION:
In the next couple of days, find someone who you can have compassion for.
It doesn’t need to be because this person is suffering in some massive way.
It could simply be a wonderful time to share some kind words with
someone, or it could be time for a big move on your part. Whatever it is, do
it with authenticity and mindful intent.
It’s too easy to write off someone who thinks differently than you do,
especially in the current political climate. Instead of just dismissing a friend
or family member for their views, sit with them and talk things over. Have
an open mind and show some compassion as you listen to their thoughts.
You don’t have to change your opinion, and you don’t have to try to
convince them to change theirs! Just showing that you’re opening to hear
someone else out will demonstrate your capability for compassion, and it
will be noticed and rewarded.
7
 LISTEN INTENTLY

T he last two chapters about being present and showing

compassion have paved the way for this one, which focuses
on listening intently. You’ve already practiced active
listening by being present, and being a good listener is a solid foundation
for being a compassionate person.
Being a good listener shows your loved ones that you truly care what
they’re saying. If they know you listen to them without judgment, they’ll
trust you and respect you, and the next time they have a problem or need
some help, they’ll be more likely to come to you.
Listening intently will help you understand what the other person is saying.
By focusing on everything they’re saying instead of passively listening
while being caught up in your thoughts, you can take in what they’re saying
and cut down on miscommunication. Miscommunication is a leading
contributor to arguments and resentment in relationships, so being a good
listener will help your relationships run smoothly and without conflict.
Listening and hearing mean the same thing, right? Wrong! It seems like
these two words are equal on the surface, but hearing typically means you
understand what is being said and reacting to it. That’s all fine and good,
but listening is even more involved. Listening means you’re not just
hearing, but you’re relating to the person, understanding them at a core
level, and responding to them with empathy and compassion.
Think of some of your social relationships. I think we all have that friend
who loves to tell us all of their drama and expects us to help them solve any
trouble they may find themself in. Yet when it’s time for you to ask for
feedback with a tough situation, you realize the friend sits back and offers
hollow responses like, “Mmhmm” and “Oh, that sounds rough.” They don’t
help you like you always help them, but if you try to call them out on it,
they don’t realize the inequality in your relationship!
Whether you keep up that relationship or let it fall to the wayside, keep it in
your mind when you’re interacting with others. You don’t want to be that
friend to anyone else, right? You want to be the solid friend who always
listens and is happy to help.
If you’re going to be this person for your friends and family, you need to
make sure you’re not being judgmental with your responses. If someone
trusts you enough to confide in you, you need to be diplomatic in your
reactions. Make sure you don’t act like a know-it-all, and frame all of your
feedback from a place of love and respect. You also need to let them know
that you’re not spreading their personal business all around town!
When you’re listening intently, call up all of the mindfulness tips you’ve
already learned. Be completely present in the moment. Don’t look at your
phone or let yourself get distracted by something going on around you.
Don’t think about what you’ll say when it’s your turn to speak, especially if
you plan to one-up your friend with a story of your own, or get too preachy
with your advice. Be careful to keep the attention on the speaker instead of
shifting it to you or your own problems. Right now your priority is
listening, so you’ll want to be mindful of that throughout the conversation.
CALL TO ACTION:
In the next couple of days, think of someone you can sit with and have an
in-depth conversation. Make sure you listen intently! Put yourself in that
person’s shoes and discover what they are looking for to be heard. Listen
with your heart, and honor that person by being present and non-
judgmental.
Practice listening intently by eliminating any distractions, like leaving your
phones out in the open or trying to talk in a place with too much
surrounding noise. Be sure you’re facing your friend or loved one so they
can see that you’re listening. Being an active listener includes making eye
contact and nodding, and by facing each other, these reactions will come
naturally.
Periodically check in with your friend throughout the conversation to make
sure you understand what they’re telling you. You can rephrase what
they’ve said in the way you understood it, and if you got something wrong,
your friend could correct you. This is another excellent way to demonstrate
active listening because you’re showing the speaker that you do not just
hear what they say; you’re taking it in and reacting to it in an empathetic
way.
8
 SLOW DOWN

G rit is the act of showing nonstop passion and perseverance towards

your goals, and has been a popular mindset over the past few
years. It’s a quality that everyone seems to strive for and value. In
reality, working harder, being busy, and staying on the go doesn’t
automatically equal more success or productivity. It can make you feel like
you always have to be ‘on’ or working, which will cause burnout, health
issues, and foggy brain. Let’s talk about slowing down for a moment.
I’m talking to you as much as I am talking to myself! Sometimes I feel like
my brain is moving at lightning speed and it can be really easy to get swept
up in the “what’s next” syndrome. I define this as that moment when you
are about to finish one task, and your brain suddenly gives you five other
things to start doing. It’s like you know you’re about to complete
something, and your brain just won’t give you a second of downtime to
appreciate what you accomplished. Instead, your mind is telling you, “go,
go, go! On to the next thing, reach for the stars!”
There’s nothing wrong with getting things done, but balance can be found
with getting things done and bringing in mindful moments. Will your
schedule really be thrown that off track if you stop and take five minutes to
appreciate the task you just finished? Why jump right into something else
without acknowledging the hard work you put into it?
Instead of feeling compelled to hustle, you’ll find that you’re actually more
productive when you take time to slow down and work more purposely.
Working too hard can cause you to burn out and have to give up your
dreams, whereas working purposely lets you make continual progress
towards your goals.
If you function at breakneck speed, you’ll never have a chance to notice
what you’re doing. You might think you know what you’re working
towards, but if you’re pushing on without noticing what’s around you, you
might be going the wrong way! Or your goal might shift over time without
you realizing it. By the time you slow down and look around, you’ll realize
you reached a goal, sure, but it’s not what you want anymore. Slowing
down gives you space to adapt your path to ensure you’re headed towards
what you really want.
Slowing down can take practice, but you’ll find that it will lead to
appreciating life more in time. It will bring more happiness into our lives
naturally, without making us feel like we’re missing something or we need
something special to fill the void or keep up with others.
You don’t have to let anything fall to the wayside just to be able to slow
down. Slowing down doesn’t mean you slack off at work and say no to
various social engagements. Slowing down doesn’t have to literally mean
you’re taking stuff off of your plate to do nothing. It means you’re living in
each moment instead of constantly hustling to get to the next thing.
When you’re hustling, your mind is racing to keep up, but you’re not really
focusing on anything. You’re worried about what you’re doing right now,
you’re worried about what you have to do next, you’re trying to predict
what task comes after that one. Even if you have a long to-do list, you can
slow down and keep marking things off. Focus on each task as you do it,
even if it’s a seemingly mindless task for work. Think about the data you’re
inputting, the email you’re typing, the project you’re about to turn in to
your boss. You’re still working but you’re being mindful in each task.
CALL TO ACTION:
Pick a day soon where you can slow down. Perhaps you might do this by
finishing up some things in the morning and spending the afternoon going
on a long walk, reading a good book, or simply having some quality time
with a friend.
If you feel like you can’t let yourself take that time, try an adapted version
that works with your schedule. Instead of eating lunch at your desk, leave
the office and take your lunch to a park to have an impromptu picnic! Enjoy
your lunch in nature, and take time to breathe fresh air and appreciate the
nature around you. You’ll be amazed at how making time for a change of
scenery will help you slow down. Instead of sneaking bites of lunch in
between plugging away at work, you’ve carved out time for yourself and
slowed down the pace of your day ever so slightly.
Once you realize how you can slow down your daily life without having to
make massive changes to your schedule, you’ll learn to appreciate this
feeling of slowing down. You’ll crave it, and then you’ll find that taking a
long walk with a friend doesn’t seem like something you have to squeeze
into your schedule, but rather something you look forward to as a well-
deserved treat.
9
 PUT AWAY YOUR EXPECTATIONS

I often find myself expecting my family to keep a cleaner home.

Less clutter. Less mess. I’ve come to realize it’s just not a
reality until maybe 7 p.m. when we all do a light cleanup.
There’s laundry, homework, stuffed animals, paperwork, meals, and all the
rest of the things that go into having a home that can easily send me into
what I call a clutter ‘squeeze,’ which is basically a bit of anxiety.
As I’ve come to realize that this is just the season we are in, I can come to a
place of calm that reminds me it's okay! We’ll get this figured out
eventually. I work to make little tweaks here and there that will help my
family follow my lead, and it’s the best I can do in the moment.
Letting these anxious thoughts take up too much space within my brain is
not healthy for me or my family. I can be a rattled mess, and it affects all of
them. I have a code word that I give my husband when I’m feeling
bombarded with things to do, and that word is ‘crunchy.’ I can simply tell
him I’m feeling crunchy, and he knows exactly what that means.
It certainly doesn’t mean he can fix it all, but it helps give him a glimpse
into why I may be feeling a bit on edge. Just letting someone in on my
current state of mind helps ease that crunchy feeling a little bit, honestly. It
helps me feel like I’m not shouldering all of the stress, and I’m so thankful
to have a partner that can help out like that.
Your moment of putting away expectations doesn’t have to be epic to be
meaningful. You don’t even have to come up with a code word or share
your expectations with anyone else! Sometimes writing it down or
journaling about it can be just as effective because you’re able to write it
out just as you might talk it out with someone while keeping it private.
Putting away expectations could mean you’re letting go of something that
has been weighing on you. It might be letting go of set plans that didn’t
quite work out, or no longer striving for a goal you thought you wanted to
reach. Things change moment by moment, and something you thought you
wanted yesterday might not be what you want—or need—today.
Even while going through this mindfulness journey, you might find that you
have expectations to be a completely changed person by the end. This is the
perfect opportunity to focus on the trip rather than the result. Enjoy the
process of learning how to be mindful instead of expecting to be an
incredibly calm person once you finish the book.
Some people believe in the power of positive thinking without realizing that
this is a way of setting themselves up for disappointment. Sure, thinking
positive is better than thinking negatively because those negative thoughts
will change your demeanor. But thinking positive can be toxic. If you’re
always expecting everything to go your way, you’ll be crushed when it
doesn’t. Instead of predicting positive outcomes, mindfulness recommends
you let go of all expectations. Enjoy the process instead of thinking about
what you’ll get from it.
We’ve basically been brainwashed for the past several years to always
expect the best, and always visualize the outcome we want and manifest it.
That’s just not realistic, and it can be harmful to keep doing that and allow
yourself to feel disappointed with the outcome. Think about going in for a
job interview, for example. I can’t even count how many times well-
meaning people have told me to think positively and I’ll get it. There’s
something to be said for acting confident, of course, but that’s a totally
different mindset.
Instead of thinking positively about a job interview, why not just go into it
expecting to enjoy the experience? I’m sure it sounds crazy, because job
interviews are typically nerve-wracking, but step back and let yourself be in
the moment. You’re meeting someone new, someone you might be working
with in the future. They work in a field you’re interested in, so you can ask
them about it and learn from them. They’ll probably be impressed by your
engagement in the interview, and even if you don’t get the job, you’ll have
acquired new knowledge about the field!
If you can learn to let go of expectations regarding a job interview, you’ll
have no problem doing it with other life experiences. In fact, by now,
you’ve practiced so much mindfulness that you’re well-versed in being
present in the moment. When you frame it as living in the moment instead
of figuring out how to let go of all expectations, you’ll form this habit in no
time.
CALL TO ACTION:
In the next couple of days, put some thought into what expectations you
may need to let go of for good. Take time to notice what you expect on a
typical day. What do you expect from people you work beside? What do
you expect from your family or loved ones? Why do you expect these
times? If you get home from work and the house isn’t clean, what have you
lost? Is it worth getting mad at your partner or children?
How can letting go of expectations bring a bit more peace into your own
life?
10
 SIT AND BREATHE

H ere we go again. At this point, it could be very easy for you to

skip this chapter. You’ve done this before, and it might seem
boring to have these periodic check-ins. But the only way to
develop your mindfulness muscle is to practice, so I encourage you to keep
going!
If necessary, shoot me an email and tell me you need some encouragement.
I am a real person, and I will respond. I promise! Sometimes knowing that
you have someone to keep you accountable will help you continue this
practice, even if you’re not struggling with it.
And if you are struggling, then I can help you get back to a spot where this
practice feels comfortable and possible for you. Mindfulness shouldn’t take
you to a place of discomfort, because it is all about reducing stress,
appreciating what you have, and staying calm. I can help you get back to
that place!
You are worth this journey and the time you are putting into this. Think
about what drew you to this book in the first place. You were at a point in
your life where you needed to find a way to slow down and enjoy your life.
You felt like you needed some help, so you started this journey, and you’ve
done great work to get this far! It’s easy to give up, but there’s still so much
we can learn together. You’re on a roll, so keep going!
Today we are going to focus on our breath. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s
a true mindful moment when we can sit, breathe, acknowledge our thoughts
and let them pass on by. We sit, breathe, and notice our tummy as it moves
in and out. Feel your chest fill up, hold your breath, then let it out. Notice
the cool air as it goes in and out of your nose.
The benefit of making this a regular part of your life is that it helps reduce
health risks due to stress. When you think about the worries of life, like
finances, our children’s well-being, our relationships, and work issues, the
list could go on and on.
If you let one worry into your mind, it will spiral until you feel
overwhelmed with worries, as far-fetched as some of them might be. Breath
focus is an important practice that will help you find a source of relaxation.
Many people have a fight or flight response to anxiety. Worrying about
something will either rile you up to tackle the problem right at that instant,
or you will push it out of your mind and try to not think about it until you
absolutely have to. If you let your anxiety rile you up, then your blood
pressure will increase and feed back into the loop of anxiety and depression.
Taking time to breathe deeply will calm yourself and ground yourself in the
present moment, where you can take stock of what’s around you and realize
there is no present danger.
Breathing deeply releases carbon dioxide and toxins while pulling more
oxygen into your body than regular shallow breathing does. This extra
oxygen will increase your endorphins, giving you a rush of good feelings.
CALL TO ACTION:
This call to action shouldn’t be a source of tension, but you shouldn’t relax
so much that it is a passive activity. You want to focus on your breathing,
but you also need to be aware of your thoughts. If you don’t focus on your
thoughts, negativity may slip in and taint your good mood. Don’t tense your
body; just stay on the edge of awareness so you can push away anything
negative while feeling the air enter and exit your body.
Find another quiet space. Set your timer for three minutes today. If you
absolutely cannot, let’s go for two minutes again, but try to stretch it out a
bit. Take five deep breaths: five seconds in through your nose, five seconds
out through your mouth. Then breathe normally. Consider how your breath
feels moving in and out of your nose. Notice how your lungs feel. Notice
the push and pull of your tummy. Enjoy the silence and put away the
expectations of the moment!
11
 LET GO OF PERFECTION

I s it okay to be honest with you all? I have to say that I’m still
working on this one. I wouldn’t say I’m a perfectionist, but I’m
a people pleaser, which in some ways acts as a cover for being
perfect. The simple way to put it is that I’m afraid of being judged or
shamed. That’s a heavy one, when becoming an author! I let myself be
shown because I want to help others, hence the people-pleasing, but making
myself so vulnerable in my books can be nerve-wracking!
Anyway, enough about me. When I say let go of perfection, I’m talking
about the kind of perfection that makes you expect things from yourself that
you might never expect from others. It’s the kind of perfection that makes
you put up a guard and keeps you from being authentic.
I see this quite often with clients I work with daily. This notion that we
must treat ourselves with shame or worse if we choose a particular food or
slip and eat a whole bag of chips. Even deeming a specific day as our
“cheat day” assigns shame to the food we’re eating. The claws come out,
and some of us tend to criticize ourselves, belittle our prior efforts, or
simply quit.
I often inquire with my clients, “What would you tell a friend right now, if
they were in your shoes?” Their answers are gracious and forgiving, loving
and kind. I ask them to stop themselves and repeat the words they just said,
which are so different from words they used on themselves. It’s a prime
moment to remind ourselves to have the same patience with ourselves and
let go of your desire for perfection.
A lot of people think perfectionism is a desirable trait. They cite it in job
interviews as a reason to be hired. In reality, striving for perfection is a
taxing endeavor. Wanting to be perfect and never reaching the impossible
goal you set for yourself means you keep disappointing yourself over and
over. You want to be perfect, but perfection is unattainable. And instead of
giving yourself the grace to do your best, you beat yourself up for not being
perfect. It’s a vicious cycle.
Dr. Brene Brown has studied perfectionism extensively. She states, “I call
perfectionism ‘the 20-ton shield.’ We carry it around thinking it’s going to
protect us from being hurt. But it protects us from being seen” (Capretto,
2013). If you’re perfect, you think people won’t judge you or think
negatively about you. But deep down, that can’t possibly be true.
Judgmental people will judge you whether you’re doing everything right or
everything wrong. Just remember that anyone who judges you is showing
their true self. If they laugh at you for a cake decorating Pinterest fail,
they’re secretly just pulling you down to their level. If you made a gorgeous
cake, they’d still find something negative to say to you. “That must have
taken hours!” Overthinking that remark can cause you to spiral. Of course it
took a long time, you wanted it to look perfect! But did they mean that you
couldn’t have done something so beautiful without working so hard? Why
couldn’t you be naturally talented at this task?
If you’re being mindful and letting go of perfection, you won’t care what
anyone thinks of your cake, whether it was a fail or a work of art. You know
why? Because you had such a great time baking the cake and decorating it!
You made the cake for the pure pleasure of baking—ok, and maybe also to
eat cake, let’s be honest!
Let go of perfectionism! Be seen!
CALL TO ACTION:
Where might you be struggling with perfectionism? Do you feel pressure to
strive for perfection in the workplace? Do other parents at your children’s
school make you feel like you have to be involved with everything, and be
the best at it? Does your partner make you feel like you need to keep the
house in tip-top shape, or do you make your partner feel that way? You can
let all of that perfectionism go.
Think about how you might bring in a bit of grace to your own life. Why
are you striving to be perfect in those endeavors? What will happen if
you’re not perfect? Admit the core truth about this to yourself and let go of
a bit of fear.
12
 SELF-ACCEPTANCE

I t’s no coincidence that we’re talking about self-acceptance right

after letting go of perfectionism. Accepting yourself means you
acknowledge everything you are capable of and every aspect of
yourself, whether it is positive or negative. This can be a really challenging
move to take if you’re holding yourself accountable for perfection, so if you
haven’t let go of that pipe dream, yet, hopefully this will help you.
No one is perfect. It’s not only normal to be a flawed human, but it’s
expected! If you had it all, why would you need friends, family, or a loved
one? You have these people in your life because you all balance each other
out, and it’s important to realize that they love you for who you are! If they
can do it, why shouldn’t you?
Self-acceptance can tie in with your self-esteem. If one way you’ve
commonly boosted your self-esteem was to accomplish great things, you
might be feeling adrift after reading so much about slowing down instead of
hustling and letting go of perfectionism. Mindfulness helps with self-
acceptance because it permits you just to be yourself and assigns purpose to
those moments. But if you’re unsatisfied with your body or your health,
how can you accept yourself?
An essential part of self-acceptance concerning mindfulness is called “self-
transcendence.” This means you focus on things beyond yourself and the
material things around you to feel validation. So if you’re in pain because
your back aches and you’re frustrated that your house doesn’t look like a
magazine spread. Don’t even think about your physical body or how your
surroundings look. Instead, focus on your relationships with the earth and
the people in it. Think about the volunteer work you do in your community
or how you help out in your kid’s classroom.
Self-transcendence means you’re looking at the bigger picture of the unity
you feel with the world, instead of what you feel for yourself or your
belongings. Widening your scope will help you accept yourself, because
you see how you fit into the community around you. You are a vital piece!
Many people see social media as part of their larger community, and that
can be fine if you manage it well. It’s easy to fall into an unhealthy
relationship with social media because you can spend so much time
scrolling without realizing what you’re doing. We often open an app and
scroll mindlessly to relax, but it’s important to remember you’re not
relaxing! You’re looking at images and information, so many other people
are putting out there, and you’re comparing yourself to them. You might be
judging them or judging yourself against what they’re showing the world.

Just remember that not everyone is truthful online. Think about itーdo you
post about your failures or sad moments? Would you share a picture of your
pile of unwashed laundry? No way! So what you’re seeing is only what
other people choose to show, and of course they’re going to show what
makes them look good! People want to be envied, and online validation is
the easiest way to get that positive feedback.
If you use your social media platforms to share about your life this way, you
might want to move back and think about why you do that. Is it so people
will be envious of your life? Is it because you want only to document the
best parts of your life and try to ignore reality? Is it because you get a thrill
when someone likes your photo or leaves an adoring comment? It’s okay to
admit this! You can be honest with yourself, and let’s be real ー getting
validation from strangers can make your day a little brighter! But part of
this mindfulness journey is learning how not to use social media like a
crutch.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take a social media break for a day, or even just an evening. Put your phone
out of the way for a few hours and spend time with your family, read a
book, or have a relaxing soak in the tub. If you can’t seem to take some
purposeful time away from your phone, set time limits for app usage.
If you take a social media break but still find yourself struggling with self-
acceptance, consider unfollowing any influencers or public figures who
cause envy. Only choose to follow people you know in real life. This dose
of reality will keep you from comparing yourself to strangers with
unattainable lives, and might even bring you closer to the people you
actually know and love!
13
 BE OKAY WITH FEAR

F ear is a tough one, isn’t it? It holds us back, it can bring

anxiety and many other uncomfortable feelings to the
surface. When we face something that seems
insurmountable, it can be challenging to even make a movement, let alone
move forward in a productive way.
In her book Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown states, “Perfectionism lives
and breathes in your fear of making a mistake. When you’re afraid of what
might happen, you don’t always make the best possible choices.”
What she’s explaining is how the fear of making a mistake can not only
hold you back from breakthrough, but can also hold you back from making
the best choice. It’s easier to make a choice if you know the outcome, rather
than face your fear and take a chance on something different.
A quote credited to Albert Einstein rationalizes, “Insanity is doing the same
thing over and over again and expecting a different result” (Insanity Is
Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Again and Expecting Different
Results – Quote Investigator, 2017). I think calling it insanity is a bit over-
the-top because I see fear at the root of this. Fear keeps us running on the
hamster-wheel like we’re heading towards something new, but we’re too
afraid to get out of the wheel and see where we’re going.
The whole hamster wheel analogy reminds me that sometimes I do the
same things over and over but still want to make change in my life. How
can we do this if we live on the hamster wheel? We have to step off of it
sometimes, take a risk, and try something different. We have to overcome
the fear—or at least be okay with it!
Fear can often tell you that you are also lacking. Gratitude will help you
hear that you have enough. It’s easy to see how this fits right in with all of
the mindfulness work we’ve been doing so far!
Here are a few ways to combat fear:
1. Focus on something other than yourself.
It’s so easy to curl in on yourself when you feel afraid, and to only think
about that fear and what it’s asking of you, and how your life might go
horribly wrong “if only.” But that’s only happening because you’re letting
the fear consume you. Stop thinking about it! Play a game with your kids,
or unwind with a book or movie when the house is quiet. Keep your mind
occupied with other people and what you can do for them, instead of letting
fear cripple you. Once you put it out of your mind for even a short time,
you’ll be amazed to find that, when you come back to that thought, it
doesn’t seem so scary after all.
2. Get a different perspective from someone else.
Something might be scary to you because you’ve never done it before, but
maybe you can find someone who has. Ask them what it was like to start a
new business or fly to a foreign country alone. Getting more information
will help you overcome your fear. And if you don’t know anyone who has
done what you’re trying to do, you can still talk to others about your fear.
The people who know you best will honestly tell you that they think you
can accomplish this scary thing, and that will be so reassuring!
3. Let go of judgment.
Why are you afraid of this thing? Are you afraid of failure? Are you afraid
of what people might think? This can often be the case more than the actual
task being a scary undertaking. We are so acclimated to worrying about
how others think of us that it becomes ingrained in us. Let it go! It doesn’t
matter what anyone else thinks—just think about how good you will feel
when you accomplish it!
4. Bring in more mindfulness.
Sometimes fear can be overcome if you approach it from a position of
mindfulness. Sit with the fear, call it out and think about what it is you’re
afraid of. Give it a name. Be honest with yourself about why you’re scared
and what could actually happen as a result of every possible outcome.
Being logical, grounded, and mindful in your approach to fear will help you
overcome it.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take a moment to think about a fear that has been holding you back. Take a
moment to talk to this fear. Tell it that it doesn’t have power over you. Tell
it you will conquer it. This might seem silly, but there is power in words
that we bring into our lives. You have the power to boost yourself up and
fight against fear.
14
 BEFRIEND WHO YOU ARE

T here was an instant in my life when my mind was stuck in a

loop of telling me that I wasn’t good enough and that I
wasn’t worthy of having friends. These thoughts were self-
imposed, but when you’re struggling with ideas like this, it can be because
someone else may have implanted these messages. If someone else makes
you feel this way, you might internalize their words and believe them.
In either situation, it can be challenging to come out of this headspace and
into a place that is comforting, encouraging, and filled with truth. I use the
word truth because I came to realize that these thoughts were straight up
lies. I was good enough and worthy of friends.
I work with women every day who have trouble treating themselves with
kindness. For some reason, it’s easier for us to be kind and understanding to
our family, friends, coworkers, and other loved ones, but we’re unable to
give ourselves that same grace and courtesy. When we can accept who we
are with grace and compassion, we are responding the way we want the
world to respond. We are fully aware that even though we have flaws, we
can still be authentic.
I know this book focuses on change in many ways, however a big step
before change is acceptance of who we are. There is a freedom in accepting
that we are broken people. We are imperfectly perfect. All of us. Every.
Single. One. Of. Us. When we see that we are all flawed, we can give
ourselves grace. That grace can bring forth acceptance.
Here are a few ways to befriend yourself:
1. Don’t compare yourself to others.
There’s a danger in comparison. It can steal valuable time and headspace.
You don’t need to be accepted because you measure up to, or ahead of,
anyone else. You are enough on your own. What is making you compare
yourself to others? It might be as simple as too much scrolling on social
media feeds. It might be something more ingrained, something someone
close to you has made you feel. It might be that you don’t appreciate all that
you have, and that is something you can start to repair by making more time
for mindful moments. Focus these moments on acknowledging that you are
enough, and you have enough. You can even take stock of all of your
physical belongings and emotional relationships if it helps you realize how
truly wealthy you really are.
2. Forgive yourself and others.
It’s important to remember that forgiveness for others is not for them; it is
for you. Forgiving someone isn’t allowing them to get off the hook or
wiping the slate clean and giving them another chance to hurt you.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you forget what has happened or have to
keep that person in your life, but you can forgive to give yourself more
peace of mind.
3. Let go of some things, and grab onto others.
Sometimes we need to let some people, places, timeframes, tangible things,
or memories go so we can be ready to welcome other things into our lives.
Holding on to negative people or possessions that don’t bring us joy will
only drag us down. Free yourself so you can freely give more compassion
and love going forward.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take a moment to befriend yourself. That might be telling yourself that you
forgive something, it might mean letting go of something, or it simply
might be just telling yourself that you love yourself. Think of some of the
kindness you show to other people in your life, and turn that kindness back
to yourself. No matter how enormous or tiny, let yourself know today that
you are your friend.
15
 SIT AND BREATHE

H ere we are again. I said these moments would come up often.

It’s another moment to pause and reflect on how you can
befriend yourself and befriend the moment. I hope you’re still
with me in this, because I’m definitely rooting for you!
We’ve spent the last few chapters talking about perfection, self-acceptance,
social media, fear, and friendship. When you see these words together, it’s
hard to understand how much they have in common, but after the studying
we’ve done, I bet you’re starting to see how pretty much everything in our
lives is connected to each other!
You don’t have to be perfect to accept yourself. You don’t have to look put-
together on social media or compare yourself to others. It would help if you
took yourself as you are and value how you relate to the earth and the
community in which you reside. It will help if you value your friendships
with others and with yourself. And you should never let fear win because
you are capable of so much!
In the spirit of making progress, take this time to look back at how much
you’ve learned and how much you’ve changed. You’ve spent the last two
weeks being present, taking it slow, appreciating all you have, and spending
time with loved ones. You’ve taken time to breathe and to think.
By now, mindfulness should be coming to you a little more easily than it
was when you picked up this book. You can probably see how it pays off to
breathe deeply to relax, and how taking a break from your daily routines
can help you appreciate your life. You’re doing such a great job with this,
so give yourself a pat on the back! Change isn’t easy, but you’re doing it
little by little, and it’s going to pay off in the long run.
CALL TO ACTION:
Find another quiet space. If you’ve been going to the same spot every time
we take a break to sit and breathe, keep going to space; clearly, it is unique
to you! If you’ve been going to a different place each time, consider finding
a place you can dedicate to these mindful moments. Having a specific spot
for this meditation will benefit you in the future because just going to that
place will help you calm down before you even start your breathing
exercise.
Once you’re settled, set your timer for three minutes today. Even if you feel
like you can’t stretch it out to three minutes, try! Take as long as you can
with this breathing exercise, and when you feel like you’re going to give up,
look at the timer. I bet you’ll be surprised at how long you can really go!
Take five deep breaths: five seconds in through your nose, five seconds out
through your mouth. Then breathe normally. Take notice of how the air
feels going in and out of your nose. Notice how your lungs feel. Notice the
push and pull of your tummy.
Enjoy the silence!
16
 ONE BREATH AT A TIME

L ife can get overwhelming. Truth be told, life can get to me quite
often. Stress can creep in even when I least expect it. I’ve got a
spot near my shoulder blades that tell me every now and then that
I’ve got a bit too much going on, even when I think I’m sailing right
through. My stress shows up physically in this one spot, but it’s different for
everyone. It’s crazy how stress can affect our health in various ways.
When I feel this tug, I know it’s a good time to slow down and take a
breath. My body is physically telling me that I can’t keep going the way I’m
going. Figuring this out before my stress hits my back would be fantastic
and save me a lot of pain. Sometimes I figure it out in time, and I can slow
down and nurse myself back to health. But sometimes, I just can’t quite
catch it fast enough, and it hits me hard and throws me off course.
Let’s talk about stress for a moment. I’m not here to tell you all the ways
stress can affect our health, but let’s have a brief overview. Headaches,
weakened immune system, fertility issues, and insomnia are just a few.
Along with anxiety and depression, stress is one of the biggest factors that
can cause a ripple effect in finding a healthy balance in our daily lives.
I’ve found a few ways that I can use mindfulness to manage my stress and
give myself the grace to slow down before my shoulder blades tense up too
much, and I want to share them with you. Each tip is adaptable and can be
used in a way that feels effective for you, and maybe not every tip will work
for you, but it’s worth a shot. When you consider all the detrimental effects
stress can have on our minds and bodies, you need to do anything you can
to avoid it.
1. Become aware of your thoughts and think about them instead of
reacting to them.
This means instead of letting your thoughts consume you and instill stress
deep inside your core; you’re aware of them purely as thoughts. That’s all
they are! An idea you can think about or not think about at all. A thought is
not something you have to react to, either emotionally or with physical
actions. Thoughts can be released, so they float away and give you space to
breathe, relax, and just ‘be.’
2. Take stock of your body and pay attention to how you feel.
Taking time to be mindful means you will have a chance to be in tune with
your body. Instead of hustling and working so hard you’re tuning
everything else out, being mindful will let you slow down and take stock of
everything—not just the people and possessions around you, but your body
and health as well. You’ll notice how you feel at times of relaxation, so
you’ll be able to notice when something is off as you start to stress.
3. Pay attention to others and interact meaningfully with them.
A lot of our mindfulness work has centered on ourselves, and it’s true that
improving yourself will help improve everyone and everything around you.
But in terms of stress, it’s important to pay attention to people around you
just as much as you’re focusing on yourself. A lot of stress comes from
social situations and conflict, so if you take time to be mindful of others,
you might be able to avoid uncomfortable and stressful interactions with
others.
4. Put a positive spin on stress.
Let’s face it; we’re going to have stressful times no matter how mindful we
are. Instead of thinking it away, we can put a positive spin on stress, kind of
like what we did a few chapters ago with fear. Instead of letting fear
paralyze you, you learned how to talk to it and think of it in a way that
empowered you instead. This is a little different from stress since stress
often leads to anxiety or depression. But instead of giving stress the power
to freak you out, spin it so that you see it as a plan. You’re not getting
stressed out about everything you have to do before you have houseguests,
for example. You’re taking that energetic power away from the stress and
seeing it as a to-do list.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take a moment to breathe. Just sit and breathe. It doesn’t have to be a long
moment. Take five big breaths in and out. Reflect on where stress could be
reduced and perhaps come up with a bit of a game plan to help reduce that
stress in the week ahead. Try to identify some of the triggers you know
stress causes in you, and implement the tips above to see how effectively it
alleviates your stress.
17
 LET GO OF CONTROL

B eing able to let go of control is an essential skill, similar to being

able to let go of perfectionism. Perfectionism is typically
centered on yourself, whereas control relates more to people and
events around you.
You’re bound to have moments when you feel like you need to control
every aspect to make things flow properly. It’s quite normal to want
everything to go smoothly and to prepare yourself for worst-case scenarios.
Accepting uncertainty in a mindful manner can help in navigating through
these moments when they show up.
Being in a constant state of control can greatly “exhaust our nervous system
and leave us wiped,” according to Judah Pollack and Olivia Fox Cabane
from Fast Company (Cabane, 2017). Living in this space on the verge of
fight or flight for too long can often lead to three things. According to
Pollack and Cabane, these are:
1. We jump into decision making too quickly.
You’re trying to control things because you want to know what’s coming
next. You want to feel certain about the future, so instead of taking time to
make a rational decision, you make a choice just to have it made and off
your plate.
2. We become stuck and make no decisions at all.
What’s easier than making a rational, or even a rash, decision? To not make
a decision at all! After all, it’s fight or flight, right? In this case, flight is
running away without making a decision. Instead of taking control, you’re
hiding from reality.
3. We rush to assumptions.
If you don’t know what to do and can’t calm down and release control
enough to learn and make a rational choice, you’re more likely to make an
assumption. It’s easy to make an assumption because all you need to know
is everything you already know! You’re not taking time to learn anything
new to help you make an informed decision.
When you let go of control, you’re giving yourself permission to go with
the flow. Going with the flow doesn’t mean you have to act like anything
that happens is fine with you—you can still expect great results! You’re just
taking a step back from the imminent decisions and giving yourself the time
and space to do some research, think out the options, and guide yourself in
the right direction.
The first move in letting go of control is to identify your triggers. Do you
feel like you have to frame a certain narrative before talking to your boss or
coworkers? Do you have trouble letting your partner cook dinner without
micromanaging? Pinpoint your trigger and be honest with yourself about
why you feel this way. Does your boss blame you for anything that
happens, so you try to skew a story to avoid it? Does your partner make a
mess in the kitchen and not clean up in the way you’d like?
Once you find the trigger and root cause of your control issue, take some
space from it. This can be physical or emotional distance. In the case of
your workplace control, you might just have to emotionally separate your
feelings from the work, and function only as a professional so you can cope
with your boss. With your partner making a mess in the kitchen, you might
prefer to take advantage of physical distance, and take a relaxing bath while
they cook dinner so you physically can’t go into the kitchen and
micromanage!
Just as with our other mindfulness exercises, you’ll have to practice letting
go of control. If you can identify your triggers as they arise, give yourself a
moment to step back and check the situation instead of trying to control it.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take a moment to reflect on how you navigate through tough moments. Do
you tend to jump quick, become paralyzed, or assume? Can you identify the
triggers that set you off on this path? How can you let go of control this
week?
18
 LEARN SOMEONE’S NAME

W hen we can step away from ourselves and focus on others,

we can move away from our troubles and help someone else
in need. This chapter might sound contradictory to the
message of this book, but stay with me here.
The message of this book is to help find more calm, less stress and have
more control in your life. By letting go, by being selfless, there’s a magical
thing that happens. We are suddenly able to look past our own needs and
see the bigger picture of the world around us. It’s so easy to stay in your
personal bubble and think you’re the most important thing, but when you
notice others, you’re showing compassion.
I went to a coffee shop the other day, one I haven’t visited for probably nine
months. I walked up to the counter and put my order in, and said (from
behind my mask), “Is your name, John?” The clerk said, “Yes, why?” I said
I remembered his name from the last time I was there, which led to us
having a short conversation. When I said goodbye, he said, “Hey, thanks for
remembering my name!”
I left thinking, “Wow, I have to start remembering more names!” I felt like
that moment was impactful for him. When I asked his name and he
answered so guardedly, I realized that he was probably used to people only
asking his name to complain. It made me realize that we all just want
someone to hear us, show us compassion, and know our name.
When we think of compassion, it’s easy to think that this means to connect
with someone’s suffering, and yes that can be it. But also remember that
this can be just remembering someone’s name and using it.
When we can find commonalities, especially in the times we are living in,
we can then find common ground. Here are a few ways you can show
compassion today:
1. Act generously to make someone’s day.
So often we do something for others because of what we get out of it for
ourselves. Jump with me back into the 90s, when Phoebe tries to do a
selfless deed on an episode of Friends. Phoebe was convinced she liked
doing nice things for other people just to help them out, but she kept
benefitting in some way from her good deed! It’s okay to get something out
of your generosity, but that should be a side effect, not the driving force that
pushed you to do the deed! If you’re not sure you’re doing this right, make
sure you’re asking, “How can I help you?” instead of, “What will I get from
this?”
2. Be kind.
Being kind to the people around you takes no extra energy. Instead of
tailgating someone in traffic, slow down or go around them. Let someone
merge in front of you. Don’t be irritated if someone asks you for the time
when there’s a clock right over your head. Making the choice to be kind
will not only make the other person feel better, but you’ll feel better too.
Being kind to someone will have a ripple effect that spreads positivity
throughout your community!
3. Advocate for others.
An advocate is someone who lets their voice be heard and speaks up for
others who are in challenging situations. This might mean you’re
advocating for your special needs child to get equal opportunities in their
school. It might mean you take your elderly parents to their doctor’s
appointments so you can ask the tough questions they’re too scared to ask.
If you want to be aa proponent for someone, don’t just barge in and take
over the situation. Talk with the person beforehand about what they need
help with and how they’d like you to handle it. Remember, you’re not
trying to take over; you’re trying to speak up for them.
CALL TO ACTION:
Who can you remember today? Perhaps you have a friend that you haven’t
connected within some time. It’s easy to think about someone and let it go
or to like their post on social media as you scroll by. But why not take the
time to reach out and make a connection?
It might also be time to learn someone’s name and say it. Think of the
people you encounter in a week—baristas, sales clerks, coworkers from
other departments, even neighbors you pass on your evening walks. Politely
introduce yourself and ask their names so you can greet them personally
when you encounter them. Being able to address someone by name, and say
hello to someone will make both you and the other person feel seen and
valued.
19
 BROKEN

W e are all broken and messed up. It’s just the truth of the
world we live in today. Everyone around you, including you,
is going through or has gone through some sort of trauma. It
might be big or might be small; however, it’s never an easy road to
navigate. We’ll go through it, to varying degrees, many times in our lives.
This chapter is simply a reminder to keep spreading compassion, to know
that you don’t have to be perfect, and to remember that we are all flawed.
It’s within those flaws that we can give ourselves the grace to be real and
vulnerable. By being vulnerable, we can be authentic and share our
commonality with those around us.
Being vulnerable can be really hard. You’ll have to get in touch with parts
of yourself that you might prefer to hide away and forget about. You’ll have
to experience raw emotions and be honest about how they make you feel
and how you can heal from them. Noticing your feelings and accepting how
they make you feel are crucial steps towards building an emotionally
mindful foundation.
Once you have your foundation, explore your emotions even more deeply.
It sounds strange, but it’s easy to get addicted to emotions. Some people are
addicted to drama or grief. Some people are addicted to happiness to a toxic
degree. What are the emotions you feel addicted to? Can you identify why?
After you pinpoint why you thrive on these emotions, you can find another
source to fulfill that need for yourself, which will leave you more
emotionally balanced.
When you are able to be in touch with your emotions, you will be able to
show more empathy. Vulnerability and mindfulness work together to build
empathy (Sullivan, 2016). If you’re able to be honest and real about your
own feelings, you’ll be more in touch with others’ emotions, and you’ll be
able to react appropriately to them.
If you balance vulnerability and mindfulness, you’re able to notice when
others need help because you’re in tune with that part of yourself. You’ll
see that someone looks exhausted on the subway, and you’ll have no
problem giving them your seat. If you see a coworker stressing out after
meeting with your boss, you’ll know to take them somewhere private and
listen to their troubles.
These people are vulnerable, sure, but they might not be comfortable
showing it to the public at large. Once you’re so in touch with your
emotions from practicing vulnerability and mindfulness, you will notice
their troubles while instinctively knowing how you can help them.
Brokenness is a commonality in the world that we live in, and by sharing
our experiences and our feelings, we can then begin to bond with others
who may be feeling the same things. It’s never easy, but it is really worth it.
CALL TO ACTION:
Being vulnerable is being present. We are all wading in a sea, sometimes
living without hope or living with the regrets of the past. Sharing those
everyday experiences is what draws us together. Admitting we’re broken
and talking openly about our experiences helps us move past regrets and
hope to move forward in life. How can you show vulnerability today with
someone else?
20
 SIT AND BREATHE

T his time we’re going to sit and breathe while we focus on

vulnerability. Being vulnerable can feel scary. You’re
opening yourself up to raw feelings that you might rather not
admit to yourself. If you’re being vulnerable with a friend or loved one,
then you’re risking their judgment or misunderstanding at a time when
you’re letting them see your true self.
A key aspect of being vulnerable is feeling the core of yourself. You can act
like you’re strong and have thick skin, but if something your best friend
says really bothers you, you don’t have to brush it off. Being vulnerable
means you’re acknowledging all of these true feelings, even if you don’t
want to show it to others. You have to admit what you feel so you can heal
from that and grow.
If you permit yourself to be vulnerable, then others will recognize and
appreciate this honesty. They’ll be honored that you felt like you could
expose your innermost feelings to them, and they’ll treasure that experience
and react accordingly.
Know that opening up and being vulnerable with someone else is a give and
take. They will listen to you and support your emotions, and you will need
to do the same for them in return. If you want someone to listen to you
without judgment, be sure you are offering the same back to them. Once
you both share your vulnerabilities and brokenness, your relationship will
grow so much stronger.
Remember, to be vulnerable with others; you need to be vulnerable with
yourself. The primary focus of mindfulness is acknowledging every thought
and emotion and validating it, even if you release it immediately after. If
you don’t check-in with your feelings from time to time, you risk burying
them until it’s too late. Acknowledging thoughts and feelings as you have
them frees you up, so you have less to stress about, which will also help you
sleep better. Imagine getting ready for bed and not having tons of worries
running through your mind!
CALL TO ACTION:
Find your quiet space. Have you dedicated a specific spot to these mindful
moments yet? If so, have you noticed that you calm down as soon as you go
to this place, even before you even start the breathing exercise?
Once you’re settled, set your timer for three minutes today. I know it may
seem like a long time, but you’ve been doing great with practicing this. I
know you can do it!
Take five deep breaths: five seconds in through your nose, five seconds out
through your mouth. Then breathe normally. Notice how the air moves in
your nose. Notice how your lungs feel. Notice the push and pull of your
tummy.
Enjoy the silence!
21
 ANXIETY

Y ou’ve seen how mindfulness can help ground you and make you
appreciate everything you have and everything you are, but
anxiety can crash through all of that calm like a cyclone.
Whether you’re prone to panic attacks or just experience anxiety as a
buzzing throughout your brain and body, mindfulness and breathing can
help you ease through it. Anxiety often starts because you are adrift, and it
spirals because you feel small and inconsequential. Focusing your breath
gives you something narrow to think about so your concentration is
occupied until the anxiety passes.
This breathing is more centered than our typical sit and breathe chapters.
When you’re trying to get through an anxiety attack, you want to focus on
one thing, like your nostrils, your chest, your tummy, or even the breath
itself. That is all you’re thinking about at that time. Whenever your mind
wanders, be strict and bring it back to the one and only thing you decided to
focus on at that moment.
Once you focus on one small aspect of your body, you can broaden your
scope slightly. Think of your body as a whole, and only your body. Do not
think about the chair you’re sitting on or anyone who’s in the next room. Do
you ever think about what you have to do next or what made you spiral to
this point? Focus only on your physical body and how your steady
breathing makes it feel. Inhaling should make you feel strong and capable.
Exhaling should make you feel like your brain is calming down notch by
notch, like turning down the volume on a stereo.
This practice is most effective if you start as soon as you feel that tickle of
anxiety. It’s easier to calm down preemptively, rather than try to take
yourself down from a high level of anxiety.
If you don’t want to calm yourself down from the brink of anxiety, you can
funnel this energy into something productive. After all, anxiety doesn’t
have to be a bad thing. Sometimes a low level of anxiety, like stage fright,
actually turns into adrenaline and helps us get through hard times. This is
where mindfulness, yet again, comes in handy.
When you start to feel that tickle of anxiety, pinpoint the origin. Is it
because you’re nervous about talking to your boss about a raise? Then you
definitely want to harness this anxiety and turn it into power! Think about
why you deserve the raise: all the hard work you’ve been doing, the last few
projects you’ve completed, how loyal you’ve been to the company. Use the
anxiety as fuel for your confidence! This anxiety control method can help
you in a lot of different situations where you need to feel energized and
powerful.
CALL TO ACTION:
Let’s take a bit of time to slow down. Bring your attention to one spot on
your body. This could be your breath or your nostrils or your tummy.
Now, think about something that brings you anxiety. Once you can think of
this, breathe through it. Feel whatever you are feeling, notice how your
body responds.
Acknowledge the feeling. Know that it’s been there before, and though it
might come again, you can breathe through it and get to the other side.
Come back to the spot on your body that you originally chose as a focal
point to ground yourself.
This can be a strong exercise in recognizing anxiety and moving through it
with the help of breath and mindfulness.
22
 SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

I t’s easy to get stuck in your daily life routine and think it’s just
dull and repetitive. And I’ll be honest, sometimes it is! You get
up every morning, get ready for work, get the kids ready for
school, drop them off, drive to work, spend eight hours of your life
working, then do it all in reverse until you’re back home, putting the kids to
bed, and crashing yourself.
I know you’re getting the hang of this mindful thing by now, so I bet you
know where I’m going with this. If you said, “find beauty in the everyday,”
you’re absolutely right!
Instead of seeing your daily routine as the same old thing, look at it through
new eyes. I bet most of us make our daily commutes without really noticing
anything around us. As long as you keep your eyes on the road, what else is
there to see, right? Wrong! Look at the bright blue sky, the beautiful flowers
blooming on the corner, the new house being built. Notice the way the sun
shines through the trees, the way leaves are changing colors on different
trees at different rates. There’s so much to see if you just pay attention to
detail.
While we’re on the subject of commutes, why do you drive the route you
drive? If it’s the only way to get to work, then you’ll be better off just
noticing the small things around you. But if there are other streets you can
take, why not try them? If you have to leave ten minutes earlier, do it! Mix
it up! You never realize what you might see as you go a different way. You
might even forget you’re going to work, so instead of spending a drive
dreading your day, you might arrive at the office feeling rejuvenated and
curious about the city around you.
You don’t have to literally search for something beautiful to get this fresh,
curious feeling. Think of how you approach people. Let’s stick with the
example of going to work—are you kind of grumpy when you enter the
office? If someone asks you something, do you gripe at them? Change your
attitude so that you’re smiling as you walk in, and you have a kind reply to
anyone who talks to you, even if you haven’t had your coffee yet. It can be
a big ask some mornings, trust me, I know! But being grumpy can taint
your whole day, and griping at a coworker can ruin their day, too. There’s
definitely a power to being positive.
Along with being positive, being creative can also help you see beauty. If
you’re an artist but don’t find much time for your hobby, start by carving
out some time. Even if it’s fifteen minutes while dinner cooks, you can
begin making this passion a priority again! If you think you’re not an
artistic person, I’d like to argue that you are! Being artistic doesn’t have to
mean that you can paint a life-like portrait; it just means that you appreciate
art and beauty. You can fulfill this side of you even by doodling on a
notepad while you’re on the phone or coloring a picture while watching TV.
Just by adding a little creativity and color to your world, you’ll be able to
find beauty in other hidden places.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take a moment to consider something beautiful, or go out and actually find
something beautiful. It could be a chair, or a cat, or an orange. Whatever it
is, reflect on it. Why does it feel beautiful to you? Why does it give you a
sense of calm? Once you pinpoint these reasons, you’ll be able to call this
thing of beauty, or the elements that make it, to mind when you need
calmness.
To really tie in all the aspects of finding beauty from this chapter, consider
drawing a picture of the beautiful thing you’re thinking of right now. It
doesn’t have to be a superb drawing, and you don’t have to show it to
anyone else. You can even throw it away as soon as you draw it! But you
might find that the idea of calling beauty to mind, or seeking it out in the
moment, and then capturing it on paper for yourself is a great way to
remind yourself to never stop appreciating what’s beautiful.
23
 NATURE

I find an occasional rainy day to be the most calming type of day.

I’ve discovered that the rare storm or grey day can bring a sense
of calm and helps me slow down. That being said, I love sunny
days, too. The brightness of the sun revitalizes me and makes me feel like
I’m capable of accomplishing everything on my To-Do list.
Ok, so clearly, I just love nature and how the weather has the power to
influence my moods. And you know what? It’s not just me! I bet you feel
this way about certain weather, too. So you won’t be surprised to learn that
studies have shown that spending time in nature boosts happiness and
reduces anxiety. Spending time in nature can even increase our ability to
connect with others.
Research has shown that physical activity helps reduce stress, but doing this
exercise outside gives you even more benefits. Some scientists think people
simply feel more relaxed in nature. I don’t know, maybe I'm crazy, but I feel
more comfortable in nature than at the gym! I think there’s something
calming about having the ability to go for a hike at your own pace, taking
time to stop and take in the natural beauty around you.
If you’re not the most active person ever, never fear. Even just sitting in
nature can make you feel more relaxed. Let’s apply the creativity from the
last chapter, too. Imagine sitting outside and drawing some of the nature
you see around you. Even using your phone to take photos outside will
increase your creativity and appreciation of the beauty around you.
Whether you’re on the move or sitting and enjoying what’s around you, add
in some mindfulness and try to connect with nature. Take active notice of
what’s around you. Look at the tree, note the texture of its bark, identify the
color of its leaves.
After appreciating the visuals, close your eyes and listen. Do you hear birds
singing? Do you hear the leaves stirring in the breeze? Can you hear bugs
buzzing around? Next, feel as much as you can. Feel the sun warming your
face, the breeze ruffling your hair, the grass under your fingertips, the
raindrops falling on your back as you hurry inside.
Once you single out each sense, put them all together, and see how full your
experience in nature can be. Watch the leaves twirl in the breeze and feel
the tree’s bark while listening to the bird's chirp from the branches above
you. Take time not to experience these sensations but to identify how they
make you feel. You were probably so focused on all you were experiencing
that you forgot about yourself and your problems for a few minutes. Now
that you’re conscious of how nature made you feel, did your problems come
rushing back? Probably not. Hopefully, you’re still floating on the peace
that nature can bring you.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take a moment to get outside and connect. Go for a hike. Go outside on
your break for a picnic lunch or to take a walk. If it’s too cold where you
are, find the beauty in a barren tree, or a snow-filled field. There’s
something you can find to connect with nature even if you’re not able to be
out in it.
Think about sharing the beauty of nature with your friends and family. This
can be an especially fun activity to do with kids. Go outside and ask
someone to close their eyes. Lead them to a flower or tree and let them
explore using only their hands—no peeking! Ask them to guess what
they’re feeling. Have them describe it. If it’s a flower, ask them to guess
what color it is. Have fun with it! It’s a chance to get outside, explore, and
connect with each other and with nature.
24
 EVERYTHING CHANGES

S easons come and seasons go, and we all go through moments of

change. Some good, some really, really hard. Focus on how
change can be hard at times. It can throw us for a loop. We may
try to run from it or get stuck in a downward spiral because of it. With some
change, like losing a loved one, there is no set way to navigate through. You
have to sit with it. Hopefully you can spend time with friends and find
comfort.
Change can’t be stopped; in fact, it’s, ironically, the one constant in life.
Can we learn to react to it with acceptance? What will our future look like
after this change? It might get better, it might get worse. There can be so
much uncertainty.
It’s important to realize that change will happen throughout your life. You
might feel anxious about the possibility of change, but being anxious won’t
affect that change is coming your way. This anxiety will just mean you’re
not enjoying your daily life because you’re on edge. You can accept that
change is happening without being overjoyed about the outcomes. In fact,
just accepting change will help improve your feelings about it.
You can’t say that a change will be good or bad before it happens, but if you
let yourself be open to the opportunity, you’ll have an easier time adapting
to what the change brings. Just being open to change puts you in the right
mindset to think about it rationally. When change comes about, take time to
think of your options, and how each outcome will affect you.
As we make it through small moments of change with calm emotions, we
can then learn to make it through the bigger moments of change in our
lives. It doesn’t mean it will be easy and it doesn’t mean you’ll get over it
quickly. By the way, if anyone ever says just get over it, don’t waste a
second of thought on them. Each person’s journey through change is their
own. Someone telling you to get over anything is just their way of
invalidating your emotions. Don’t let anyone take away your right to feel
what you need to feel.
A small moment of change might be someone cutting you off in traffic. Is
your first reaction to give them the finger and tailgate them all the way to
your destination? Or are you able to think that it sucks, and then move on?
Each option can change the course of your day, and it’s up to you to make
the best decision.
Viewing each opportunity of your day in this mindful manner shows you
how it’s possible to be calm in the face of change. You can think about what
happened, choose your reaction, and therefore influence the outcome just
by being mindful.
It’s in these little moments that tell us how we can handle the big moments.
Just like practicing these small moments of mindfulness will over time add
up to help you be a calmer, more thoughtful person, practicing the way you
react to small moments will help you react to the big moments.
Sure, losing a loved one is vastly different than getting cut off in traffic. But
the mindful acts themselves remain the same. You will recognize your loss,
you will be grateful for the time you had with that person. Of course you
will mourn, but even that act can be a little easier if you focus on all the
good memories you made with your loved one. Instead of letting someone’s
death ruin you and disrupt the course of your life, you can take all of their
love and memories in stride and keep them within you while you continue
on with power and purpose.
You can cultivate emotional intelligence just like what we’re doing with
mindfulness. Being emotionally intelligent means you can identify your
emotions and manage them to rule your life. You can still feel things and
react to them with joy or sadness or anything in between, but these feelings
do not rule you. You can still feel things and react to them with joy or
sadness or anything in between, but you’re not ruled by these feelings. You
recognize that emotions will change, so you’re content to feel whatever you
need to feel and move on. Sounds like a lot of our mindfulness exercises,
right? It’s easy to see how emotional intelligence works hand-in-hand with
mindfulness to help you navigate change.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take a moment to resonate on how you feel you are navigating through
change. Perhaps you are in the middle of change right now. How are you
tackling this season in life? Does it feel like a bother or a blessing? Think
about the emotions you’ve been feeling because of this change. Can you
identify them and understand why you’re feeling that way? Can you talk to
someone about this change?
25
 SIT AND BREATHE

T alk about change—you’ve recently made a big one! Have

you ever heard that it takes twenty-one days to create a
habit? We have passed that landmark, so now let’s use this
next sit and breathe chapter to celebrate! It’s no coincidence that the
twenty-one day mark was just over halfway through this book. After
twenty-one days of practicing mindfulness, I really think you’ve done great
work at making mindfulness a habit.
Creating a habit takes discipline and hard work, and you’ve been putting
that in with the calls to action and sit and breathe chapters. You’re taking
what you’ve learned in other chapters and applying it to your daily life. It
took courage just to admit you needed a change, it took courage to pick up
this book, and it takes courage to continue to carve a few minutes out of
your day to practice mindfulness. You’ve been doing all of that for twenty-
one days, so you’re well on your way to creating a healthy, beneficial habit.
Since we’ve hit that landmark, we’re going to step it up a notch with this sit
and breathe call to action. We’re going to push our time limit another
minute longer. You’ve been doing such great work with these exercises that
I’m sure you’re going to excel even with a longer breathing time.
While you’re breathing, allow yourself the grace to reflect on all you’ve
accomplished so far. Think of some of the mindfulness exercises you’ve
done. What has resonated with you most? Which practices have you
implemented most often? Which ones have you shared with friends and
family?
CALL TO ACTION:
It’s that time again! Find your quiet space and get settled. Set your timer for
four minutes. We’ve been practicing for three minutes for several chapters,
so I think it’s time we try to extend it again. Once you get comfortable with
a time limit, level up and push yourself!
Take five deep breaths: five seconds in through your nose, five seconds out
through your mouth. Then breathe normally. Take five more deep breaths:
five seconds in through your nose, five seconds out through your mouth.
Notice how the air feels in your nose. Notice how your lungs feel. Notice
the push and pull of your tummy. Compare your deep breathing to your
normal breathing. How do each of them make you feel? Do you realize how
the deep breaths are effective at calming you down?
Breathe, relax, and enjoy the silence.
26
 SHED THE PAST

I t can seem hard to shed the past. The past, whether good or bad,
has made us who we are today. It seems strange to think about,
but the way people act with us and the things people have said
to us truly shapes who we become, for better or for worse. It’s okay to let
the past make you better and stronger, but that doesn’t mean you have to let
it negatively affect you every day.
We can acknowledge events, words said, and other things from the past, but
we can also stop blaming. We can learn to forgive, which doesn’t mean we
forget, as we all know. Forgiving can carve space to let things go. We
suddenly find the freedom to move forward and make real change.
Forgiving also frees us to stop living in a loop inside of our heads. This is
one of the best reasons to move forward. Living in a loop that moves over
and over in our minds is being imprisoned to lies and hurt feelings. How
often do you replay negative situations in your mind? Thinking about them
doesn’t change them. They already happened, so why are you wasting your
thoughts and emotions on them?
If you want to shed the past, there are some mindful steps you can take to
move on from it.
1. Let yourself relive the moment.
This is different than letting the moment replay in a loop in your mind. This
is putting yourself back in the moment and feeling the emotions you felt
back then. Remember the emotions and dialogue spoken as truthfully as
you can. It might be hard to relive it in this raw manner, but it’s an
important first step.
2. See it from all sides.
If your painful moment was an argument with someone, as they so
frequently seem to be, take a break from replaying your side of things. Step
into the other person’s shoes and relive the moment from their perspective.
The person you were arguing with had their own opinion, just as you did.
You don’t have to believe their opinion or change your argument, but seeing
things from another perspective can help you heal.
3. Take responsibility.
It’s too easy to defend our actions. “I only said X because she attacked me
first!” That might be how it happened, but it doesn’t make things right. You
still said what you did, and you hurt someone’s feelings in retaliation. Once
you can admit that, even just to yourself, you will feel a huge weight lift off
of your heart. It’s okay that you were mean to someone “just because,” as
long as you admit it, learn from it, and move on.
4. Accept it.
Once you’ve re-lived that troublesome moment from the past, you need to
accept it. Like we said before, it happened, and you can’t go back and
change it. All you can do is acknowledge it, accept your part in it, learn
from it, and move on with the best intentions.
Taking these steps towards shedding the past will leave you feeling lighter
and wiser as you move forward. Mindfulness plays a part at this point just
as it did with the steps towards healing. Now you’ll want to harness these
positive thoughts and feelings and keep them tucked where you can easily
access them. The next time you feel like you’re going to get in an argument
or say something you’ll regret, pull up this feeling of resolution and
healing. Try to prevent yourself from even getting in the situation in the
first place. That is how you can truly tell you’ve learned from the past and
can move forward mindfully.
CALL TO ACTION:
What is one small thing you can let go of today? I mean truly let go of!
Don’t let the past haunt you when you have so much to appreciate and look
forward to.
Who can you forgive? Can you use the steps outlined above to work toward
forgiving this person? How can you pursue change from letting go?
27
 PONDER THE TRUTH

L et’s start this chapter by pondering the truth about what we hear in
our heads. Be honest with yourself—are there lies you keep tucked
away in your mind that tell you you’re not worthy? If I’m honest, I
definitely have thoughts about not being good enough or strong enough.
But I know that I’m capable of doing so much when I look at everything I
accomplish in a day! And if I listen to my friends and loved ones, they tell
me how good I am. But sometimes I can’t believe them. It can be effortless
to get stuck in a place of defeat. Does that ever happen to you? Even though
you and everyone around you tell you you’re good enough, some little lie
eats away at you, telling you you’re less than.
First, you need to realize that this lie is not rooted in reality. It’s probably
something you tell yourself just because that’s how women work. It seems
so hard for us to lift ourselves up and truly take ownership of how amazing
we actually are! Sometimes these lies are told to us by others—people who
want to cut us down or pull us down so they can scramble over us and look
better. On some level, you might know the real reason why someone is
telling you these mean things, but that doesn’t prevent the lie from taking
root in your mind.
You deserve to rip that lie up so it can’t grow back! There are several
approaches to eliminating negative thoughts from your mind, so you’re sure
to find the one that will be most powerful for you.
1. Consider the source.
Let’s start here, at the root of the lie. Where did it come from? If someone
said it to you, think of who said it. Was it your coworker who’s going for
the same promotion as you? Their agenda should be crystal clear when you
think about it! Of course they want to instill doubt in your abilities. They
want to shake your confidence so you mess up your work duties, or struggle
in the promotion interview. A negative thought from someone competing
with you should be written off as a lie immediately.
If the negative thought came directly from you, consider why you thought
it. Were you comparing yourself to people you see on social media and feel
inferior? Did you make a mistake on a work task and feel dumb? If social
media is making you feel unworthy of something, you should feel totally
justified to take a break! We addressed that in the chapter about self-
acceptance, but it’s always worth revisiting if you’re still being affected! If
you’re beating yourself up over a mistake, give yourself some grace. We all
make mistakes, we’re all human, and remember, we’re letting go of
perfectionism!
2. Spend some time with the thought.
It’s hard to just write off a thought as a lie and move it. The thought
probably keeps nagging at you. Just as we talked about the past replaying
on a loop in the last chapter, so can negative thoughts. Instead of trying to
brush it off, spend some mindful moments with it. First, set a timer. You
don’t want to devote more time to this thought than you have to! Think
about how the negative thought makes you feel and why. Getting to the core
of the thought can help you discover if there’s any truth in the statement. If
there is a kernel of truth, you can extract it and deal with it separately from
the negative thought. Just remember, once that timer is up, you need to
release yourself from the negativity!
3. Write it down.
Writing down your negative thoughts might seem like you’re giving it too
much power. Instead of just thinking it, you’re now putting it on paper? Not
exactly… This exercise is similar to setting a timer and thinking about the
thought, except you’re looking at it. Write it down and stare at the paper.
Glare if it makes you feel better! Acknowledge that the writing is a lie.
Think of how the negativity is impacting your life and your emotional well-
being. Then rip up the negativity, or burn it, and throw away anything that
remains. That thought is physically gone, so you don’t need to think about it
anymore.
CALL TO ACTION:
Choose one of the ways above to fight through your next moment of
negativity. If you have time, try each of the ways with different thoughts
and discover which method seems to work best for you. It might depend on
where you are or how much time you have. Different methods might even
work better for different thoughts! It might just depend on what actually
helps you find the truth instead of focus on a lie. Taking a mindful approach
to moments of negativity will help you find what works best.
28
 WAVES

T hink about the waves of an ocean. Some people see these

waves as beautiful; some might even say awe-inspiring or
magnificent. Fear might come to some people’s minds, while
others might feel a thrill. For hardcore surfers, a wave can be the best part
of their day. For someone who has never even seen the ocean, a wave might
conjure up a healthy fear. They might respect the sea and all that it has to
offer, yet never want to step into the waves.
Waves are something we can choose to not go into; trials sometimes give us
no choice. We might want to stand back to see what happens, but hard times
in life rarely let us sit back. They grab us by the hand and demand that we
make it through them. It’s part of life, but it’s not one that you have to
struggle through.
Mindfulness can help you make it through these waves. It might seem like
something you don’t want to try; mindfulness is all about being present, but
who wants to be present during a tough time? When you use mindfulness to
be present and work through these difficult waves, you’re accepting the
moments as they come, which will keep you from reliving them with
obsessive thoughts in the future.
Instead of obsessing over something terrible that happens to you for weeks
or even months, being mindful during a challenging time means you’re
accepting things as they happen. You can still feel bad about the event, or
even upset or mournful, but you’ll be able to acknowledge the feelings,
make peace with them, and move on.
Dealing with negative times in your life in this way will keep you from
having a black storm cloud looming over your head. It will free your
thoughts to be better used on other, more positive or effective things.
Mindfully keeping your head about these negative waves will keep you
from feeling stressed about your life, especially the troublesome parts of
your life.
If you can approach waves of trouble like a surfer does, sensing a thrill at
the possibility they bring, you’ll be able to spin this negativity in a positive
way. You might still be nervous about what the waves are bringing, but this
nervousness might also give you a rush of adrenaline. Curb that, and use it
to your advantage!
CALL TO ACTION:
How can you lean into something uncomfortable today? Think of a negative
time that has been consuming your thoughts. It can be recent, or something
from your past. Sit with this thought and relive it so that you can feel the
raw emotions.
29
 NEW

C hange is often the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.
We often find ourselves focusing on the ending and the sadness
that may make us feel. You might have had relationships end in the
past and let yourself get swept up by the negativity that comes when the
relationship is over. You might obsess over all the fun times you had with
that person and how good you were together. But you conveniently forget
that you had grown apart over time, started fighting, or just genuinely
weren’t right together—funny how that works, isn’t it?
A mindful approach to endings is to take time and sit with the whole
situation: how it started, the beginning, the tough times, the best times, and
the ending. Feel whatever feelings are involved with each stage of the
experience. Don’t let knowing the end spoil the happy feelings you felt in
the beginning. Relive the whole relationship.
Once you arrive at the ending of your recap, face your current feelings. It’s
okay to feel sad about something ending. Even if it was for the best, you
might mourn what you’re losing. Endings, if they weren’t our doing, can
also remind us that we don’t have control over many aspects of our life.
And we remember how to deal with letting go of control from a previous
chapter!
The mindful approach to this is not focusing on the ending, but rather the
new that can come from this ending. In the case of previous relationships,
you might be sad that the relationship has ended, without relishing the
feeling of the newness you are opening yourself up for! Your life now has
space and opportunity to welcome something new, and who knows how the
new thing might change you and your life for the better! Turning your
outlook from one of sadness at an ending to the excitement for new
possibilities can be a game-changer!
There is a mindful ritual that can help you let go of the past and open
yourself to something new.
First, you have to ask how you can feel closure about the ending. Just
because something ends doesn’t mean you’ll feel okay about it. But if you
can give yourself some closure, the ending won’t feel like such a disruption
or raw wound. Writing a letter (even if you don’t end up sending it), getting
rid of items, or venting to a friend might be ways you can facilitate closure.
Secondly, you’ll want to sit with your feelings. If you wrote a letter or are
going to get rid of some of the things that remind you of this period, have
them with you as well. It might help to have the items with you as you go
over your feelings and relive the associated memories.
Lastly, let it all go! If you wrote a letter, send it, burn it, or rip it up! Get rid
of it—don’t keep it like a journal entry. If you have items you associate
with that period, give them away, sell them online, or throw them in the
trash! If you’re talking with a friend, make sure they know that this is the
final conversation about the subject. Once you’ve spoken your truth, it’s
done. You’re letting it go so you can move on to something new.
CALL TO ACTION:
Instead of feeling stuck in a rut and mourning your endings, look at your
current situation in a different light. What new beginnings can you bring
into your life in the days ahead?
30
 SIT AND BREATHE

T hese last few chapters have been all about change, starting
over, and getting through the waves of hard times. Let’s
focus this sit and breathe moment on reflecting on those
situations.
Change is one of life’s only constants. It happens all the time, and it can
either be a small change or a large change that sets off ripples throughout
your entire life. Adjustments of any size can be positive or negative. Even a
positive change can have harmful waves if you follow it for long enough. A
job promotion sounds amazing since you’ve worked so hard, and you
deserve that raise! But if it means moving to a city far from your extended
family, it can be a tough decision to make.
Whether a change is big or small, positive or negative, we’ve learned
several ways to be mindful of our approach to them. Being mindful no
matter what comes your way keeps you feeling well-adjusted and calm. If
you’re not stressed by the things life throws at you, then you’ll be able to
handle them logically. Not letting your life feel disrupted by change will
make you feel so much stronger and empowered; more than you ever
thought you could be.
On that note, let’s take time to get our headspace ready for our call to
action. Make space today for reflection on what change you’ve gone
through lately. Think about things that are occuring in your life now that
will result in a change coming up soon. Can you think ahead on what
changes these situations might bring? Can you prepare yourself mentally to
logically handle these changes so you won’t feel stress when they arrive?
What new things are coming your way? Even though they’re not here yet,
think about the possibilities. Does it feel negative or positive? Can you
think of a way to prepare for any negative changes that might make them
feel more positive when they happen? Being aware of possibilities on the
horizon now will make you feel more prepared to handle them when they
arrive. You won’t feel stressed or frazzled, because they won’t be disrupting
your life. You knew they were on their way, so you’re ready to tackle them!
CALL TO ACTION:
Sit for four minutes again today.
Take five deep breaths: five seconds in through your nose, five seconds out
through your mouth. Then breathe normally. Take five more deep breaths:
five seconds in through your nose, five seconds out through your mouth.
Reflect on your breathing. Think about what changes might be just around
the bend. Let yourself wonder about what new experiences might be
coming your way. Come back to your breath often during these four
minutes.
31
 DANCE

H ave you ever watched a ballerina dance on a stage? Ballerinas

are incredibly graceful, with linear movement and balance.
It’s certainly something I could never do! Have you ever seen
Elaine from Seinfeld dance? (Yes, that’s another 90’s reference!) It’s so
funny to watch her dance. It was a running joke on the show because Elaine
dances with jerky movements that don’t match the music at all!
Sometimes life can feel this way. One moment graceful and the next wonky
and awkward. Most of us are too preoccupied with taking everything
seriously to realize that wonky and awkward can feel very fun as well! Just
as a professional dancer might get out of sync for a step or two, they are
then able to find the tempo quickly and join back in as if nothing happened.
When you practice mindfulness, you practice getting back into the routine
or the tempo of life.
We know from previous chapters that change, waves of negativity, and
endings can throw us off course, or make us miss a beat so that we feel like
we have to do some jerky movements to get back on track. That’s perfectly
normal! Not everything in your life is going to be smooth and flawless,
going just the way you think it should.
In reality, you’re going to miss some steps and struggle to catch up. Instead
of being embarrassed about how you have to get back on track, embrace
that journey! It might look awkward and wonky, but it’s going to work for
you. And that’s the most important part!
Thankfully, your practice of mindfulness has you well prepared for this
stage of life. You now know how you can pause and reflect on things that
have happened to you and plan out your future actions. You know how
taking this time to be thoughtful can help you feel less stressed about your
life overall, and how that benefits you and those around you.
When you’re dancing, you know that you’ll keep moving as long as there’s
music. Even if you miss a step or get off the beat when the music keeps
playing, you know you’ll get back in step. When you’re living life, you
know you’ll keep going even if you struggle or feel flattened by pain or
grief. It might take some strange movements to get yourself back to a good,
emotionally healthy place, but you’re going to get there. And mindfulness
helps.
CALL TO ACTION:
Reflect on what dance you are dancing in this season of life. If you feel so
inclined, turn on some music and dance for five minutes. It not only gets
your body moving and your blood pumping, but it helps remind you that
life doesn’t always have to look graceful or awkward, it can just be.
32
 PATIENCE

I ’m learning so much about patience this year, as my husband

and I are doing virtual school at home with our children. We are
not teachers, and are feeling so thankful for all that teachers do!
Every evening when we go to bed, the hubby and I ask each other how we
can be even more patient tomorrow. We have a lot to learn, and we’re
determined to start each day fresh, being the best we can be.
Sometimes at dinner, I grab my children’s hands and say, “We made it
through another day. Well done, everyone!” We’re trying. All of us,
including the kids! I’m sure they’d rather be in school with their friends and
a teacher who knows what they’re doing. But they’re giving us the grace to
learn as we go along. My husband and I are actually learning a lot from our
kids this year!
Patience is a tough trait for many people to embrace—myself included! We
might find ourselves getting frustrated in slow traffic, refreshing our email
constantly while waiting for a reply, or asking the same question repeatedly
if we’re not getting an answer. I feel like having so much technology at our
fingertips has made our patience erode. When my husband and I are
watching a movie, one of us might ask, “What else have we seen that
actress in?” Instead of using our memories to think about it and talk it out,
one of us looks it up on our phone and we have the answer in a snap!
Sometimes that’s good, because I’ll keep wondering about something like
that until I know for sure! But sometimes I miss having the patience to
think about the movies we’ve seen recently and trying to place the actress
myself.
A lot of people see patience as being lazy or weak. Our culture, especially
our work culture, has pushed the hustle and grind lifestyle so hard that you
shouldn’t have time for patience! You should demand immediate answers
so you can take action without wasting a second. Thankfully we already
know how to slow down from this busy lifestyle—it was one of the first
things we learned! It came at the beginning because that slow down mindset
is crucial for everything we’ve learned since. And it’s especially applicable
regarding patience.
Help yourself practice patience by going through these steps when you feel
impatient.
1. Ask yourself if being impatient helps the matter at hand.
If your child won’t answer your question, pause and think before you get
angry and impatient. Are they focused on another task and can’t answer you
right now? If so, think about how you feel when you’re interrupted and try
to give them the same reaction you’d want. Will getting onto your child and
demanding an answer change anything? Will it save a life or get you to a
destination any faster? Probably not, so just take a deep breath, hold it, and
let it out slowly. Be patient.
2. Be outspoken about your determination to have patience.
Let people know that you’re trying to have more patience in your daily life.
People will respect this choice, and it might affect how they react to you
when you come to them with questions or for help. Instead of pushing you
to the back burner, they might think about your vow to have patience and
help you in a more timely manner. If nothing else, telling others how you’re
striving for patience might help them practice this skill as well. Imagine
how smoothly your day might go if everyone has patience with the people
around them!
3. Be mindful of your situations.
Yes, I know we’re practicing mindfulness by following these tips in the first
place. But this tip is a way to use mindfulness to prepare yourself for future
experiences. Think about how you might be able to help prevent
impatience. What if you start waking your kids up fifteen minutes earlier, so
you don’t have to stand at the door tapping your feet while you wait for
them to be ready to go? What if you build ten extra minutes into your
shopping trips so you won’t feel exasperated by the long checkout lines?
There are ways you can think about things that might happen and
preemptively prepare yourself to have patience.
CALL TO ACTION:
Where can you have patience today? Reflect on this for a bit. It can be very
easy to skip these calls to action. I encourage you to reach deep and see
where you can bring in a bit more patience. If you’ve already felt impatient
a lot today, think ahead to tomorrow. Think about your daily routines and
try to figure out ways you can incorporate more time or helpful life hacks to
make things run smoothly so you won’t lose your patience in the future.
33
 EMPATHY

M uch like compassion, empathy deserves a seat at the table.

And this is going to be a significant chapter because
empathy is so important these days. Empathy is a strong
emotion that honors another person. It means you can understand how they
feel and be compassionate towards them, even if they’re different from you.
Unfortunately, these days, it seems like we’re more separated than ever. We
live in our bubbles and only think about things that influence us personally
or the loved ones closest to us.
Even though we might feel like we’re in touch with more people due to
social media's far reach, knowing about people isn’t the same as feeling
empathy for them. Also, when you think of your friends and followers on
social media, you might be startled to realize how many of them are still in
your bubble! They probably like the same things you do, have the same
hobbies, are as educated as we are, and have political and religious views
that are similar to ours. If people like yourself always surround you, how
will you learn to feel empathy for those who are different?
Feeling empathy makes you a better, more well-rounded person. Managers
who feel empathy make better bosses than those who don’t care at all about
the people who work for them. Showing empathy towards your friends and
family members helps them feel understood, and they know they can come
to you when they have a problem.
If you feel like you have trouble feeling empathy, you’ll be glad you know
it’s a skill you can practice. When you talk to people, don’t focus on
surface-level questions. Ask them what their life is like and how they feel
about it. Being curious about people will show them that you want to learn
more about them, and learning more about them will help you understand
them and, in turn, feel empathy for them.
You can also practice feeling empathy by walking in someone else’s shoes.
This means you’re not just acknowledging that their life is different from
yours; you’re experiencing it! This might mean you visit someone else’s
church, take a walk in a different neighborhood, or talk to a homeless
person on the street instead of ignoring them. The curiosity you learned
from talking to people will serve you well in these situations because you
can ask about things you don’t understand and learn from the people in the
position.
Volunteering is an amazing way to develop and practice empathy while
making a major difference! You know what your life is like, but what if you
use your skills and privilege to help others? You can put your green thumb
skills to good use by helping plant and maintain a community garden in a
food desert. You can fulfill a role on your church’s welcoming committee.
You can join a support group to help people make it through something you
have experienced. Even assisting nonprofits to accomplish their goals by
sending mailers or delivering meals will make a difference to the
organization and the people they serve while helping you learn empathy.
You can take volunteering a step further by getting active in your
community to inspire action and change. If your community has been
experiencing a lot of racial tension, you might want to join a protest or
speak publicly to others about how they can be more understanding and
kind towards others. You might notice a disparity in the school system’s
services, and you can speak up about it at a school-wide assembly or town
meeting. Noticing inequality in your community is one thing, and yes, that
takes empathy to see. But standing up for people and trying to put change in
action is a major step you can take that will create a huge difference.
A way to really push your worldview while expanding your ability for
empathy is to challenge your prejudices. Even if we think we’re open-
minded and accepting, there are still some generalities we think about
others just as a reflex, or because it was ingrained in us from our parents or
communities at a young age. People judge single mothers on welfare,
homeless people asking for help, or people with different religious views.
Instead of letting yourself continue this prejudice, cut it off at the source.
Seek out people in the situations that you feel judgmental towards, and talk
to them. Ask about their history and what they’ve been through in their
lives.
Learning about how they grew up and found themselves in their situation
can help you feel empathy because often people have a rough childhood,
and it’s too hard to recover from this trauma. Or one small thing went
wrong in their life, and now they can’t keep their heads above water.
Putting a person to the stereotype will make you realize that some of these
things can happen to anyone, and you shouldn’t judge them for their
circumstances. You should feel compassion and empathy for them and feel
encouraged to help in any way you can.
Being a good listener is important to practicing empathy, but so is sharing
your own story. If you ask questions about others and listen to them without
having a conversation and revealing yourself just as they have to you, then
they might feel ripped off, or like you took advantage of them. You don’t
want to talk to someone just to get something from them—you want them
to get something back.
CALL TO ACTION:
From the chapter above, what could you implement into your life to bring
in a bit more empathy? Is there a habit that you might like to try to welcome
into your life? Can you think of some questions you might ask people that
will inspire them to open up to you so you can better understand things
from their point of view?
An additional thing to consider is a way to get to know different people
without leaving your house. Read. Read widely. Read fiction books with
contrasting characters from you, written by authors who have had different
experiences than you. Read nonfiction books from authors with varying
skin colors, from other countries in the world, raised in different cultures.
Research these places on your own so that you can understand them beyond
the scope of the book. You will be building your empathy skills even while
doing a leisure activity such as reading!
34
 SAVOR THAT NEXT BITE

A s you may know, my first book was all about mindful eating. It’s a
topic that is near and dear to my heart. Mindful eating is all about
using mindfulness tools to become aware of your senses, physical
cues, well-being, and much more.
Mindful eating will help your mind and body feel better. It has been shown
to help promote weight loss in a natural and healthy way. When you use
mindfulness with your eating habits, you learn to be totally in tune with
your body. You can sense when you’re truly full and satisfied, and feel
content with that.
Being mindful while you’re eating will also allow you to be honest with
yourself about why you’re eating. Are you still eating because your dinner
mates are still eating? Are you ordering dessert just because they are, or
because you really want it? Once you implement these habits in your daily
meals, it will become second nature to you. You will start eating healthier
and making better choices.
It will help you reduce binge eating by evaluating real hunger and non-
hunger triggers. It will also help you keep those triggers in check because
they can be harmful emotionally and physically.
Mindful eating can assist you in taking away mindlessness and creating
space for more intentional moments.
One thing I like to ask myself before I reach for food: Is this food/meal
going to make me feel energized or sluggish? Am I about to regret this
decision or feel proud?
It’s so easy to just reach for anything and go into it mindlessly. Mindful
eating will condition you to eat slowly, and focus on your food without
distraction. Have you ever made a delicious meal for dinner and then eaten
it while distracted by a show or your phone? Did you get to savor any of the
flavors you worked so hard to create? Implementing mindfulness when you
eat will let you chew and enjoy each and every bite of the meal you slaved
over, which is just how it should be!
And hopefully, you brought mindfulness into play while you cooked, also.
You should find joy in creating a meal because you are making something
delicious and nourishing for your body and your loved ones. You should put
love and care in the act and enjoy the process.
Mindful eating will also help you listen to the hunger cues your body gives
you physically. This means you’ll learn to tell the difference between true
hunger and non-hunger triggers. When your body is truly hungry, your
stomach may growl. You may get light-headed or feel a headache coming
on. This is when you need to make time for a mindful meal to nourish your
body.
Non-hunger triggers are when you see a fast-food commercial on TV and
your mouth waters because you’re dying for those salty fries and that ice-
cold soft drink. It doesn’t matter that you ate dinner less than an hour ago—
your mouth is watering for that junk food! That’s exactly why the
commercial was made: to make you crave something you don’t even want.
That’s a non-hunger trigger, and if you close your eyes from the commercial
and listen to your body, you’ll realize that you’re already satisfied and don’t
need anything else.
CALL TO ACTION:
As the chapter title says, it’s time to focus on savoring that next bite. Take
time to enjoy cooking your next meal. Plate it beautifully—pretend you’re
on a cooking show! Sit down with your plate of food in front of you and
take several deep breaths. Center yourself. Smell your meal. Enjoy the
mouth-watering aroma of the meal you created before you even take your
first bite.
Notice the colors on your plate, and how each individual element comes
together to make such an amazing meal. When you take a bite, truly taste
the food. Experience it in your mouth—how does it taste? How would you
describe the flavor to others? What texture does the food have?
If you’re eating with others, you can make this a conversation starter! Ask
someone to describe a flavor without telling what they took a bite of.
People around the table can try to guess the food. Then everyone can take a
bite of the same food and decide if they would describe the flavor in the
same way or a different way.
Once you implement a mindful moment in your mealtime, more ideas on
how to savor each bite as well as your dinner company will come to you
naturally.
35
 SIT AND BREATHE

D id the chapter about mindful eating help you change your

approach to mealtimes at all? Once I started practicing mindful
eating, it changed my life. I’m sure that’s obvious since I wrote a
book about it, but I was amazed at the changes I went through even before
that happened. Instead of seeing meals as something I had to do just to keep
my body moving, I really started to enjoy them.
I began to love the act of planning meals based on how different tastes
would work together. I even thought about how different colored foods
would look together on the plate! Once I knew I could enjoy every part of
making and eating a meal helped me see it as an involved situation that led
to a work of art!
Being mindful of eating started well before I put the food on the table. I
thought about all the steps that would go into cooking each meal, and I
looked forward to those actions. Knowing that each step I took in the
kitchen would pay off into a delicious meal for my loved ones and myself
made the experience so enjoyable. I was loving the journey just as much as
the final product.
Have you felt this way about mindful eating? Even if you don’t like the
process of cooking, slowing down to take delight in each bite hopefully has
helped you change your attitude towards eating.
As we sit and breathe this time, think of how your approach towards meals
has changed. Think of some of your favorite meals you’ve made recently.
Think of the steps that have gone into making the food, and how things
tasted once you sat down to enjoy them. If you’ve eaten from restaurants,
think about how the food might have been prepared. What flavors do you
remember from your meals? Can you describe them so someone else, who
didn’t eat the meal, could imagine what it tastes like? What colors were the
foods? What texture did the food have before you cooked it, as you cooked
it, and as you took a bite of it?
Taking time to think of the sensory aspects of your meal, even long after
you ate it, will help fine-tune your mindful approach towards eating.
CALL TO ACTION:
Go to your quiet place and set your timer for four minutes. Take five deep
breaths: five seconds in through your nose, five seconds out through your
mouth. Then breathe normally.
As you breathe, pay attention to the push and pull of your tummy. Notice
how full it feels when you inhale, and how the muscles work to help you
exhale. Think about how being in touch with your stomach now can help
you with mindful eating in the future.
36
 CHOICES

I n this chapter, I want to spotlight choices and how options help

us stay mindful. When we are in automatic mode or auto-pilot,
we can follow routines, which is definitely a positive thing. But
when we are in a constant auto-pilot mode, our brains don’t have to engage
very much. When we are given choices in life, big or small, our brain is
involved in being present and mindful.
While choices might not be easy at times, the point is that you are the only
one who can be in charge of your own life. Instead of following the pack in
every other way, why not be a part of the choices that are made in your life.
Some people have expectations when moving into a mindfulness practice.
They can wonder how long it can take to finally find “peace/calm/less
stress” or any of the other positives that come with this practice. However,
we often forget that there’s one factor that is needed to come to this place of
peace: choice. It’s not simple. No one ever promised it would be easy-
peasy, but making the choice to move forward, to let go, to find peace is
within you already.
It takes a lot of time to turn the Titanic around, and it can take a significant
amount of time to make choice after choice with life change. Don’t get
discouraged.
It’s important to think about why you make the choices you make. You
might think you make rational choices based on the best options, but people
frequently make choices based on what they’re already invested in. If
you’ve already paid for something or spent a lot of time on it, you’re going
to go ahead with it because you’ve already sunk time or money into it. Even
if it’s not the best choice, you’re doubling down on it.
A mindful way to approach this choice is to realize that you can still cut
your losses just because you’ve lost some time or money due to the
alternative. Suppose the caterer you reserved for an event can’t prepare
enough food for your guests, instead of going forward with them and
having people eat less. In that case, you may realize that it’s worth losing
that deposit, then move ahead with a company that can provide you
precisely what you need. Your mindful meditation will help you realize this
is the logical decision, instead of being stuck with a snap judgment.
We also make bad choices because we get caught up in our emotions. It
makes sense, because a lot of decisions are very emotional! It would make
you feel cold-hearted to make a choice without considering your emotions.
But there’s a difference between mindfully considering your emotions
compared to making a rash decision in an emotional haze. If someone
makes you mad, you might want to cut them out of your life immediately,
saying things you regret in the meantime. However, if you take some time
and think about it, let yourself cool down, and maybe even see things from
their angle, you’ll realize that it was just a disagreement and that you’ll get
over it and move on.
We also make bad decisions when we’re tired. Think of how refreshed you
feel in the morning after a good night’s sleep. You feel energized like you
can do anything! You also feel rational because you’re thinking about what
you need to accomplish that day and how you can do it. Compare that
morning freshness to how you feel at night, lying awake with thoughts
running through your head. That’s when everything seems like a bad option,
and you feel like you can’t think straight, so you might make a choice just
to get it over with. You might pick something just because you want it off
your mind so you can go to sleep. Well, don’t make the choice! Try not
even to let big decisions enter your head at night. Try to clear your mind
and get a good night’s sleep and make a rational decision in the morning.
CALL TO ACTION:
Before you make your choices today, be mindful of them. Are you coming
to the decision from a place of rational thought, with no emotions or
exhaustion clouding your mind?
What mindful choice can you take today to move away from auto-pilot? It
could be as small as making a decision to cook at home or drinking an extra
glass of water. It could be saying something nice to the person sitting right
next to you.
37
 UNPLUG

W e’re in a safe space here, so I feel like I can admit to you that
I feel totally lost when I don’t have my phone. I’m definitely
that person you see patting their pockets and rifling through
their bag until they find it. Phones these days are complete lifelines! All of
my contacts are in there, my emails, my text messages! There are all the
apps I use for social media or playing games to unwind. Not to mention my
pictures!
Over time, being so dependent on my phone made me feel strange. This one
little piece of technology knows so much about me and holds so many of
my secrets… and passwords! I hated feeling like I needed my phone to
check something the second it occurred to me or make a note or shoot off
an email even if my child wanted my attention.
So I started putting my phone on my nightstand as soon as I got home each
day. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Well, no, not at first. But over time, I
was able to leave my phone in my bedroom while I spent time with my
family in the living room and enjoyed dinner with them in the kitchen. I
kept the ringer on so if someone needed to get a hold of me, they could call
me. Otherwise, I’d let myself check texts and alerts about an hour before
bed, then I put my phone away again to wind down before going to sleep.
It took practice, let me tell you! And this was just unplugging from my
phone—my family still used technology when we watched a movie
together, and sometimes I’d even do work on the computer, so I can’t say
that I totally unplugged. But just freeing myself from having all of that
technology at my fingertips was a huge change that I needed to make.
I started slowly, and you can start slow as well! First, you can just put your
phone away for thirty minutes or an hour. Or if you don’t feel comfortable
being too far away from it, consider setting it to “Do Not Disturb” so you
won’t hear every notification that pops up.
As you practice being away from your phone for long stretches of time, you
might want to approach it differently. Instead of putting your phone out of
sight for a certain period, grant yourself time to use your phone throughout
the day. Only check it during your lunch time and for an hour after work.
You’ll start to see time with your phone as a treat instead of an obligation.
You’ll spend time on your phone doing what actually needs to be done or
what’s fun, instead of just wasting time scrolling social media timelines.
It also helps to set time limits on your individual apps. Within the settings
of your phone, you can find which apps you spend the most time on and set
a limit. Give yourself fifteen minutes per app, and see how that helps you
cut down on screen time. You can set a time limit on your phone, too, and
have it go to sleep after so many hours of usage. You can set a bedtime
alarm so your phone goes dark when you need to be getting to sleep, and
the screen won’t keep you up.
As you start spending time away from your phone, you’ll realize that you
think about it less and less. When it’s always with you, of course, it’s still
on your mind! It’s there, so you want to use it! But if it’s in another room,
will you really get up and get it every time you want to look up random
trivia, like the cast of a TV show you watched ten years ago? As you get
used to being free, you’ll realize that you feel lighter and more creative.
Think of how drained and lacking you sometimes feel after scrolling social
media. Using your mind and imagination instead of filling your brain with
information from your phone will help you feel rejuvenated. You’ll find that
it’s easier to push technology aside and spend more time with your family,
friends, or even just yourself, focusing on hobbies you thought you didn’t
have time for.
CALL TO ACTION:
What could you unplug from today? You might already be able to unplug
for an hour, and maybe even half a day, but what would feel challenging for
you? What time frame, what electronics? What activities could you put it in
its place? Be mindful of these choices, and really push yourself to unplug as
completely as you can.
38
 ALL YOU HAVE IS NOW

T oo often, I find myself hoping time away or missing it before

it's gone. If I know I have a fun vacation coming up, I spend
the last week of work looking forward to the trip. I’ll think,
“I wish it were already Friday!” every other minute, it seems. Instead of
enjoying the anticipation of the journey, I’m ignoring everything happening
that week and just looking ahead.
On the other hand, once I’m on that relaxing beach vacation, the thought
creeps in, “This great trip is almost over. I’m going to miss it when I’m
back at work soon.” Why did that come into my brain now, while I’m
letting the ocean waves cool my toes? I want to stay in the present, not
think about what’s coming! Why am I thinking about missing this trip when
I’m experiencing it right now?
All we have is now. We are not guaranteed tomorrow and what's past is
forever gone. Mindfulness is all about being present, enjoying the moment
you’re in, not obsessing over the past or worrying about the future. You’ve
been practicing mindfulness for almost forty days now, and you’ve learned
so many different ways to apply it to all aspects of your daily life.
Now you will learn how to strengthen your present moment awareness.
This process should come quickly to you after all of your previous practice
while pushing you beyond what we’ve known before. It is in the now that
we love hard, play long, work well, and live purposefully, so it’s crucial
always to stay aware of that.
To get in touch with yourself in the present moment, do a body scan. We’ve
practiced this in some of our calls to action, so you know how to do it. Sit
or lie down so that you’re cozy while still being aware of yourself. Take
stock of how your body feels as you relax it even further. Let your
shoulders droop slightly so your muscles aren’t tense. Roll your head
around in slow circles to loosen your neck.
Unclench your jaw, uncross your legs, let your hands and fingers relax
naturally. After consciously relaxing every part of your body, start at the top
of your head and work your way down, thinking about how everything
feels. If you notice your forehead is scrunched up, release it and keep going.
Scan your body until it’s relaxed, and you have noticed any sensations
you’re feeling. Once you’re totally in touch with your body, you’re
experiencing the present moment and feeling all there is to feel in the now.
Writing in a journal is another practice that can keep you centered in the
now. Many people keep a journal to write about what happened to them that
day, or let off steam after having an argument with a friend. We’ve
previously had journaling options in our calls to action, and used journaling
for similar releases. That’s a great reason to keep a journal! But you can use
it as a mindfulness practice to keep you in the now, too.
When you rise in the morning, pull out a journal that you keep just for
“morning pages.” This means as soon as you wake up, you write down your
thoughts and feelings. Since you’re writing before you’ve done anything
with your day, or gotten stuck in a traffic jam, or had a fight with a friend,
you’re writing down what you’re thinking and feeling in those first few
moments of the day.
Your thoughts at this point aren’t corrupted by your daily routine. They
might even be fragments of a strange dream you just woke up from. You’re
writing whatever comes to mind without censoring yourself, and that act of
journaling will keep you in the now. Not only that, but you’ve started your
day off in a mindful way, which will inspire you to keep the practice going
all day long.
If you get a chance during the day, take a walk outside. We’ve previously
discussed why getting out in nature can relieve stress and help you feel
more mindful. Not only will getting up to take a walk get your blood
pumping, but it will let your brain roam free. Leave your work at the desk
and take a break and let your mind wander. Take in what’s around you,
breathe deep, and enjoy the now.
Before you go to sleep, you can wrap up your day with mindfulness just as
you started it with mindful morning pages. Take stock of your day right
before bedtime—but not in bed, because we don’t want to invite these
thoughts into our mind as we’re getting ready for sleep! Sit in the mindful
space you’ve been using for the calls to action, and review your day. Start
thinking back to waking up, writing your morning pages, having breakfast.
Think about anything unique that stood out to you about the day and why it
was noteworthy. Think about how you felt at different times of the day and
why. This is a mindful way to go over your day, make peace with it, and
close the book on it—time to get a good night’s sleep and start again
tomorrow.
CALL TO ACTION:
In addition to trying the practice of morning pages and reviewing your day
each evening, think of how you can stay mindful in every moment. How
can you make this moment count? These calls to action may at times feel
repetitive, but remember there’s a reason for that. There is value in
continuing your mindfulness practice in order to help it become a regular
part of life. Knowing this, how can you make today count with those around
you, or just with yourself, by coming to the moment?
39
 BREATHE IT IN

Y ou’re almost there! You made it through thirty-nine days of

mindful moments, and you deserve a round of applause. I know
what a journey this experience is and how much it may have
shaken up your daily routine. I hope you feel it has been worth
it because truly, I am so proud of you! It’s not easy to stick with anything
for this long, and you made it through even if you didn’t do it in forty
consecutive moments.
Your journey may have started with this book, but it doesn’t have to end
there. You can continue the conversation with me and other mindful
individuals in our Facebook group: Mindful Living Moments. We have a
great community there, and I would absolutely love to connect with you!
More importantly, you can go through this book again and again or find my
other books online to help keep you moving strong. You’ve made a lot of
progress, and it’s important to keep up your mindful practice by using it
every day in so many different ways.
We’ve been doing sit and breathe exercises regularly throughout the book,
but we haven’t gotten too deep into breathing through life moments.
Breathing deep can have a lasting effect on our state of mind and our
nervous system. You know from experience that deep breaths help you feel
less stress and lower your anxiety levels. This type of breathing engages
your stomach muscles and sends a signal to your nervous system to calm
down.
Any time you start to feel nervous, you want to pay attention to your
breathing. When you feel anxious, your breathing is usually shallow and
irregular. Your mind is preoccupied with stressful thoughts, so you’re not
focusing on your breathing.
Just by shifting your attention to your breath, you’re already taking an
active step to calming your body down. By the time you take that first long
inhale, you’re feeling slightly more in control. Hold your breath for a few
beats—count to five so your brain is also focusing on the numbers. Release
your breath slowly, and take stock of how much calmer you’re already
feeling. It’s like a miracle, except it’s something you are completely in
control of. You can do it anytime, anywhere, for free.
Deep breathing not only helps calm you down, but it can also lower your
pain levels. Since you clear your mind to focus on your breath, deep
breathing can even improve your attention span.
I don’t want to get too methodical here, but it’s fascinating to know a little
about how deep breathing can really help you. Basically, the nervous
system controls involuntary actions like your heart rate, digestion, and—
you got it—breathing. The nervous system is split into two parts: one is the
sympathetic nervous system that controls your fight or flight reactions; the
other is the parasympathetic nervous system that controls your rest and
relax response.
We’ve gone over fight or flight before, and how mindfulness helps you stop
and think instead of making one of these choices. That’s because both
nervous systems can’t be active at the same time. If your body is in fight or
get-the-hell-out-of-here (flight) mode, you can’t rest and relax and think
mindfully! So the key is to override any immediate reaction by engaging
your parasympathetic nervous system. And deep breathing is the best way
to do this.
There is no correct or incorrect way to practice deep breathing. In fact, you
might want to try different breathing patterns just to mix things up. You can
breathe in and out for the same number of beats. You can breathe in for two,
hold your breath for three, and exhale for four. As long as you’re breathing
slowly and deeply, you’ll get all of the physical, mental, and emotional
benefits from deep breathing.
If you feel like deep breathing isn’t working for you or need help with it,
you can find something good to guide you! There are some outstanding
apps out there to help with mindfulness as a whole, and they touch on
breathing exercises as well. I love relaxing with Calm and Headspace, and
highly recommend them. But there is a variety of them available, so you’ll
be able to find the best one that works for you.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take a moment to do some deep breathing. Start with five inhales and five
exhales, slow and steady. Mix it up with some different breathing patterns,
making sure that you’re counting the beats and focusing on your breath. Be
present. Be you. Be good to your body!
40
 SIT AND BREATHE

I t’s our last time to sit and breathe together! I can’t believe
we’ve come so far. Hasn’t this been a fantastic journey? It’s one
thing to think about how you need to change your life, but it’s
something entirely different not only to take the step of reading this book
but to dedicate yourself to forty days of mindful practice! You should be
feeling the effects of all the different lessons you’ve learned, and I
genuinely hope you are feeling more relaxed and more in tune with
yourself. Hopefully, your family and friends have also noticed the changes
in you, and maybe they have been practicing some of these mindful tips
right along with you!
We’re going to continue our focus on breathing from the last chapter and
end on a high note. You know you can do this practice, we’ve been doing it
together for forty days now! So we’re going to remember the benefits of
breathing deeply: your heart beats slower, your muscles relax, your blood
pressure decreases, and you feel clear-headed.
Our breathing practices have been just a few minutes carved out of your
day, but hopefully, you’ve been using this technique more often than only
during the calls to action. Abdominal breathing for twenty to thirty minutes
each day has significant benefits in terms of stress reduction, which in turn
impacts your mental, physical, and emotional health so profoundly.
Even after you close this book, you’ll want to make time for breathing
exercises and mindfulness each and every day. It’s usually easiest to have
set times when you practice, like when you first wake up and when you’re
relaxing after dinner. If you know you’re going to practice at certain times,
you can look forward to it. Of course, you can still use these skills
whenever necessary! I find myself pausing to be mindful or to focus on my
breathing countless times during the day.
You might want to try integrating these skills into your daily life while
you’re doing other things. For example, when you’re doing chores around
the house that don’t require your whole focus, shift into a mindful state.
Think about being present, or review some memories before you let them
go.
If you exercise in your house or a gym, instead of in nature, use that time to
be mindful instead of staring at a TV. Exercise is actually a great time to
focus on your breathing, because you’re getting active and huffing and
puffing anyway! Sink into the moment and harness all of your mindful
power!
CALL TO ACTION:
Find your quiet space and get settled. Set your timer for five minutes. I
know we’ve just reached four minutes, but I think the best way to end our
time together is by pushing ourselves to do our best! Can you imagine how
peaceful you’ll feel after taking five minutes for yourself? Five minutes of
relaxation. Five minutes of calm breaths. Five minutes of quiet. You
deserve it!
Let’s keep going with this theme of five! Take five deep breaths: five
seconds in through your nose, five seconds out through your mouth. Then
breathe normally. Take five more deep breaths: five seconds in through your
nose, five seconds out through your mouth. Repeat until you feel the stress
leaving your body and mind.
Let your mind wander back over everything you’ve learned from this book.
It’s been quite a journey, and you have done great work. This relaxation
exercise should now feel like a daily treat—something you look forward to,
not dread. This last one, especially, should feel like something of a
celebration. You did it, and I’m so proud of you!
As we say goodbye (just for now, I hope!): breathe, relax, and enjoy the
silence.
 CONCLUSION

Congratulations on making it to the end! You have taken such a huge step
from wanting to change your life to actually changing it! You have taken
control of your busy life and made time to slow down, to carve out mindful
moments where you can experience your thoughts. You have taken time to
enjoy your meal while you practice mindful eating. You have spent time in
nature and being creative. You have made yourself a priority, and made a
commitment to pause, reflect, breathe, and just be.
You have committed to tackling the hard moments of life with grace and
compassion. You have acknowledged that your mind is your biggest ally in
fighting the tough waves and handling all of the changes that life throws
your way.
After finishing this book, I hope you feel confident in your mindful
moments. I hope you’ve learned that sometimes you just need to take a
break and be by yourself. You need to breathe. You need to clear your head
and think of nothing but the present moment.
To do this, I hope you’ve created a comfortable space to practice
mindfulness. You might not have a ton of extra space in your home, and the
weather might not always cooperate if you’ve practiced some of your
mindful moments in nature. But more important than having a dedicated
zone for mindfulness is having a comfortable area. A place where you can
be alone with yourself, if only for five minutes. An area where you can let
your mind roam free without staring at a To-Do list or a pile of laundry on
your bed. Location, where you can be yourself and let go of any
expectations of who that should be.
Even if you have a set space to practice mindfulness, don’t be afraid to give
it a try anywhere you are in the moment. You can practice in your car when
you’re stuck in rush hour traffic. You can have a mindful moment at your
desk before replying to an important email. You can practice deep breathing
while you’re in the kitchen cooking dinner for your family. One of the
fantastic things about mindfulness is that you can do it wherever you are,
and it will benefit you. You don’t have to stress about it doing it perfectly,
you just have to do it. And I know you can do it, because you made it all the
way through!
I don’t want to rain on this pep talk, but I want to be real. It’s important to
remember to expect ups and downs with your mindfulness practice.
Everything may not go as seamlessly as you hope it will, especially when it
comes to staying mindful when you’re tackling loss, grief, and anger.
Emotion might still get the best of you, and that’s ok. We’re all learning,
because mindfulness is a constant goal that you’re always reaching for.
After living your life without being aware of mindfulness, you can’t expect
to be an expert after just forty days. This is a skill you have learned and will
continue to hone through the rest of your life.
The ups and downs your experience on your journey might even include
days or weeks when you don’t follow mindfulness or practice deep
breathing. That’s okay too. Remember that mindfulness works best for
stress relief if you practice it every day, and having a set schedule will help
you stick to that. But things come up and life happens, so it might not be
possible every day.
If you find yourself falling behind with mindfulness practice because you’re
too busy or don’t feel well, you might want to come back to the book and
start from the beginning. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure and you have to
start from scratch. We just all need a refresher every once in a while. This
book talks about slowing down, unplugging, and being present, so if you
feel like you’re missing out on something you should be experiencing,
come back to the book and refresh your memory. Try the practice calls to
action again, and see if you start feeling more comfortable with
mindfulness. Don’t forget, there are applications and tools that can help
guide you. And I am always available to help via email or in my Facebook
group, Mindful Living Moments.
CALL TO ACTION:
Your final call to action is an easy one, I hope. If this book helped you in
any way, I would love it if you would review it! You can leave a review of
my book anywhere, like Amazon, Goodreads, Instagram, Facebook,
Twitter. If you have a blog and write a post about this book, I would be so
appreciative!
Let’s keep it mindful: please share something from this book that helped
you in your review. Or share with me and others how you have
implemented some of the mindful techniques into your daily life. I want to
hear from you, and if this book helped you, I’d love for you to spread the
word so other people know it can help them too. Thank you so much!
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