Parenting

Parenting
When it comes to our children, as parents, we tend to try to protect them from
everything and everyone, but there is a fine line between involved parents and helicopter
parents. This essay will answer some simple questions such as: What is a helicopter
parent? How helicopter parenting may be a problem for the child? How helicopter
parenting may be a problem for the educational process? How helicopter parenting may
be a problem for the maturation process?
I would like to start giving my point of view regarding parental involvement. I
consider parents as allies for my class. At the beginning of the year, I try to communicate
them an overview of how are going to work throughout the year and how students will be
graded. Fortunately, in my school district, we use Schoology and one of my first
communications with parents, is to send them the individual code of their kids, and a step-
by-step manual on how to access the portal and review their work. This will give them
control, not only of reviewing my class, but all the classes their kids have.
It is very easy to confuse being an involved parent with being a helicopter
parent. “Many people come to therapy confused about the extent to which parents should
be involved in their kids’ lives and what constitutes crossing the line. They ask questions
like: “My parents have always made an extra effort to be involved. How do I tell them to
back off respectfully?”; “I have always resented my parents’ obsession with being over-
involved in my life, but now I worry that I won’t be present enough in my own kids’ lives.
How do I avoid turning into my parents?”; “I want the best for my kid, but the closer I go
to her, the more she recedes into herself. Am I doing something wrong?” Helicopter
parenting is an overprotective form of child-rearing where parents constantly monitor their

children’s activities and provide them with excessive levels of support, like a helicopter
swooping in at the right time for a rescue. While the intention behind helicopter parenting
is usually good — to keep children safe and help them succeed — the reality is that it can
often do more harm than good. Studies have shown that helicopter parents are more
likely to have children who suffer from anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.”
(Travers, 2022).
I would like to share a story is from a father whose twin girls were in my class.
Let’s start by saying that those girls were nice kids, polite, friendly, well-behaved, and
smart. The problem came every time one of the twins got a lower grade than the other.
Every time I graded them, their scores were even; that made sense as they were in the
same class, they were assigned as team mates almost every time, and they were likely
to do their homework together at home; but if for any reason one of them got a higher
grade; I knew I would receive a lengthy email about how "I didn't know how to grade and
I was unfairly deducting points that she perfectly deserved".
I remember replying to the first received email explaining and evidencing why
one of the twins had obtained a lower grade (or rather say “less high”, because they were
girls with very good grades); I thought that with an explanation and evidence would be
enough for the father to understand the “why”; but rather than that, he replied back with
another lengthy email minimizing my words and demanding me to raise up the twin’s
grade. I will never forget that parent, because it was clear that he is a lawyer, and every
email was written to win a case in court.
I remember being so frustrated for not finding or knowing the fancy and correct
words to reply at his level; it was my very first year in the US, and my English back then
was way more limited than it is today; so for my own mental health and to ended the
problem there, I agreed to upgrading the twin’s grade that time, and from that date until
the very end of the school year I was being very careful to check that the two girls' grades
were as similar as possible to avoid another angry email from the parent.
Long story short, neither of the girls knew how to handle losing, and they
competed a lot between each other. Every day there was a drama with tantrums and
shortness of breath from the “loser” twin. This is a clear signal of emotional backlash,
which is what is pointed by Young (2017) “A new study suggest that helicopter parenting
can trigger anxiety in certain kids, adding to a small pile of data suggesting that helicopter
parenting stunts kids’ emotional and cognitive development.”
"A recent study from the University of Buffalo speaks to the issue of whether
too much hovering over a child can be bad for her. Researchers looked at people who
had been through difficult things, and they found that, on the one hand, going through
very traumatic experiences does not bode well for one’s long-term resilience, but, on the
other, going through almost no difficult experiences also does not bode well for one’s
resilience.” (Saltz, 2023).
What I conclude from this essay, is that even when the helicopter parenting is
meant to do no harm to the children, it can lead to a long-term emotional and
psychological suffering. Children learn by doing, and if we as parent take that off them,
instead of helping them, we can harm them by denying them the opportunity to learn from
their own mistakes. In spite of this information, studies <and common sense> can deduce
that by being an involved and present parent is enough. Children only want to feel seen,
loved, encouraged, and heard.

Bibliography:
- PBS NewsHour. (2018, December 17). Why helicopter parenting may
jeopardize kids' health. [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQK8gXKKTg8
- Lythcott-Haims, J. [TED]. (2016, October 04). How to raise Successful Kids –
Without Over-Parenting. [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyElHdaqkjo
- Saltz, G. (2023, February). What’s Wrong with Helicopter Parenting?.
Sometimes obstacles are actually a good thing. Child Mind Institute.
https://childmind.org/article/whats-wrong-with-helicopter-parenting/
- Young, J.L. (2017, January). The effects of “Helicopter Parenting”. How you
might be increasing your child’s anxiety. Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/when-your-adult-child-breaks-your-
heart/201701/the-effects-helicopter-parenting
- Travers, M. (2022, November). A Psychologist Calls Out The Many Dangers of
Helicopter Parenting. Forbes.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2022/11/30/a-psychologist-calls-out-
the-many-dangers-of-helicopter-parenting/?sh=65acd0a920d0

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Parenting

be a problem for the maturation process?

I would like to start giving my point of view regarding parental involvement. I

graded. Fortunately, in my school district, we use Schoology and one of my first

It is very easy to confuse being an involved parent with being a helicopter

parenting is an overprotective form of child-rearing where parents constantly monitor their

I was unfairly deducting points that she perfectly deserved".

email was written to win a case in court.

parenting stunts kids’ emotional and cognitive development.”

resilience.” (Saltz, 2023).

meant to do no harm to the children, it can lead to a long-term emotional and

loved, encouraged, and heard.

- PBS NewsHour. (2018, December 17). Why helicopter parenting may

jeopardize kids' health. [Video]. YouTube.

- Lythcott-Haims, J. [TED]. (2016, October 04). How to raise Successful Kids –

Without Over-Parenting. [Video]. YouTube.

- Saltz, G. (2023, February). What’s Wrong with Helicopter Parenting?.

Sometimes obstacles are actually a good thing. Child Mind Institute.

might be increasing your child’s anxiety. Psychology Today.

- Travers, M. (2022, November). A Psychologist Calls Out The Many Dangers of

Helicopter Parenting. Forbes.

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