PG 1080
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Language: English
A Modest Proposal
1729
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for
the children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater extent, and
shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are
born of parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who
demand our charity in the streets.
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this
important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our
projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their
computation. It is true, a child just dropt from its dam, may be
supported by her milk, for a solar year, with little other nourishment:
at most not above the value of two shillings, which the mother may
certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of
begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide
for them in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their
parents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of
their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding,
and partly to the clothing of many thousands.
The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million
and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred
thousand couple, whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract
thirty thousand couple, who are able to maintain their own children,
(although I apprehend there cannot be so many under the present
distresses of the kingdom) but this being granted, there will remain a
hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand,
for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or
disease within the year. There only remain a hundred and twenty
thousand children of poor parents annually born. The question therefore
is, How this number shall be reared and provided for? which, as I have
already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly
impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither
employ them in handicraft or agriculture; they neither build houses, (I
mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a
livelihood by stealing till they arrive at six years old; except where
they are of towardly parts, although I confess they learn the rudiments
much earlier; during which time they can however be properly looked
upon only as probationers; as I have been informed by a principal
gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never
knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of
the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will
not be liable to the least objection.
I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh 12
pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to 28
pounds.
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for
landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem
to have the best title to the children.
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may
flay the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make
admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own,
which by law may be made liable to a distress, and help to pay their
landlord’s rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money
a thing unknown.
Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns, where
the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best
receipts for dressing it to perfection; and consequently have their
houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value
themselves upon their knowledge in good eating; and a skilful cook, who
understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it as
expensive as they please.
But, as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering
vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of
success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly
new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expence and little
trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in
disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will not bear
exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a
long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country,
which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.
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