Surviving Tough Times by Building

Resilience
Whether you’re facing a global or personal crisis—or a mix of
both—building resilience can help you cope with stress,
overcome adversity, and enjoy the better days to come.

Experiencing hardship and adversity

Lately, the world seems to be lurching from one crisis to another. We’ve
experienced a global pandemic, dramatic changes to how we conduct our daily
lives, economic uncertainty, and political and social turmoil, as well as an array of
natural disasters. Then there are personal traumas that people are also dealing
with, such as the loss of a loved one, declining health, unemployment, divorce,
violent crime, or tragic accidents. For many us, this is a time of unprecedented
struggle and upheaval.

Whether the source of disruption in your life is a global emergency or a personal

tragedy—or both—living through difficult times can take a heavy toll on your
mood, health, and outlook. It can leave you feeling helpless and overwhelmed by
stress and anxiety. You may be painfully grieving all that you’ve lost, flooded by a
slew of difficult, conflicting emotions, or uncertain about how to move on with
your life. You may even feel that your life is totally out of control and you’re
powerless to affect whatever may happen next.

While there’s no way to avoid sorrow, adversity, or distress in life, there are ways
to help smooth the rough waters and regain a sense of control. Resilience is the
ability to cope with the loss, change, and trauma that have been inevitable parts
of life even before these extraordinary times. Building resilience can help you
better adapt to life-changing events, cope with turbulent times, and bounce back
from hardship and tragedy.

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The role of resilience in times of crisis

Why do some people seem to be better able to cope in these troubling times than
others? While everyone’s situation is different, it is true that people with resilience
tend to have a higher tolerance for the emotional distress generated by hard
times. The more resilient you are, the better you’re able to tolerate the feelings of
stress, anxiety, and sadness that accompany trauma and adversity—and find a
way to rebound from setbacks.

[Read: How to Cope with Traumatic Events]

We all go through bad times, we all experience disappointment, loss, and

change, and we all feel sad, anxious, and stressed at various times in our lives.
But building resilience can help you to maintain a positive outlook, face an
uncertain future with less fear, and get through even the darkest days.

Building resilience
If you’re more sensitive to emotional distress and are finding it difficult to cope
with hardship or adversity, it’s important not to think of it as some kind of
character flaw. Resilience isn’t a macho quality and it isn’t fixed; it’s an ongoing
process that requires effort to build and maintain over time.

Unless you’ve faced adversity in your life before, it’s unlikely you’ve had the need
or opportunity to develop resilience. Drawing on past experiences can help you
cope with the challenges you’re facing today. Even if you’ve struggled to cope
with adversity in the past, you may at least be able to recognize some of the
ways of coping that DON’T help, such as trying to numb your feelings with drugs
or alcohol.

While it’s often difficult to imagine anything good coming out of traumatic
experiences, building resilience can help you find any positives in the difficulties
you’ve faced. Surviving hardships can teach you important things about yourself
and the world around you, strengthen your resolve, deepen your empathy, and in
time enable you to evolve and grow as a human being.

Building resilience can also help you to:

● Stay focused, flexible, and productive, in both good and bad times.
● Feel less afraid of new experiences or an uncertain future.
● Manage and tolerate strong emotions outside your comfort zone, even
those you’d rather avoid like anger or despair.
● Strengthen your relationships and improve your communication skills,
especially under pressure.
● Bolster your self-esteem.
● Be confident you’ll eventually find a solution to a problem, even when
one isn’t immediately apparent.

You can develop and improve these qualities of resilience at any time, regardless
of your age, background, or circumstances. The following tips can help you face
hardships with more confidence, better cope with these tumultuous times, and
make it through to the brighter, more hopeful days ahead.

Building resilience tip 1: Practice acceptance

While we all react to stressful events in different ways, many of us try to protect
ourselves by refusing to accept the truth of what’s happening. After all, by
denying that you’re even experiencing a crisis, you can kid yourself that you still
have some sense of control over what are usually uncontrollable events.

While denial can have some positive functions—it can give you an opportunity to
come to terms with the shock of a traumatic event, for example—over time, it will
just prolong your pain. Staying in denial will prevent you from adapting to your
new circumstances, stop you from seeking solutions or taking action, and stifle
the healing process.

Accept the situation

Change is an inevitable part of life and many aspects of the changing world are
outside your individual control. You can’t control the spread of a virus, for
example, the pace of social change, or how the economy behaves. While it can
be tough to acknowledge, railing against events or circumstances outside your
control will only drain you of energy and leave you feeling anxious and hopeless.
Accepting your situation, on the other hand, can free you up to devote your
energy to the things that you do have control over.

Focus on things within your control. Make a list of all the things you can’t
control and give yourself permission to stop worrying about them. Instead, focus
on the action that you can take. If you’re unemployed, you can’t control whether
the ideal job appears in the wants ads or whether an employer will grant you an
interview. But you can control how much time and effort you put into searching for
work or brushing up on your skills. Similarly, if a loved one is facing a
life-threatening illness, you may have to relinquish control to the medical experts,
but you can still focus on providing your loved one with as much emotional
support as possible.
Accept change by looking to your past. Looking back at examples where
you’ve coped with uncertainty and change before can help you accept your
current situation. Perhaps you suffered a painful breakup in the past and were
eventually able to move on with your life, or you lost a job and ended up finding a
better one? Examining your past successes can also help you see past the
current crisis and derive some confidence that you’ll be able to pull through
again.

Accept your feelings

It’s tempting to believe that the best way to get through hard times is by ignoring
painful emotions and “putting on a brave face”. But unpleasant emotions exist
whether you choose to acknowledge them or not. Trying to prevent your
emotions from surfacing will only fuel your stress, delay acceptance of your new
situation, and prevent you from moving on.

By allowing yourself to feel your emotions, you’ll find that even the most intense,
upsetting feelings will pass, the trauma of these tough times will start to fade, and
you’ll be able to find a path forward. Talk to someone you trust about what you’re
experiencing or use HelpGuide’s Emotional Intelligence Toolkit to reconnect with
your emotions.

Grieve your losses

Undergoing tough times usually involves some kind of loss. Whether it’s the loss
of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the loss of your old life, it’s important you
allow yourself the opportunity to grieve. Only by facing your
grief—acknowledging and mourning your losses—will you be able to heal and
eventually move on with your life.
Tip 2: Reach out to others
Connecting with friends and family when you’re going through tough times can
help ease stress, boost your mood, and make sense of all the change and
disruption. Instead of feeling like you’re facing your problems alone, you can
draw strength and build resilience from having others to lean on.

The people you reach out to don’t need to have answers to the problems you’re
facing; they just need to be willing to listen to you without judging. In fact, what
you talk about or the words used are often unimportant. It’s the human
connection—eye contact, a smile, or a hug—that can make all the difference to
how you’re feeling.

Prioritize relationships. Nothing carries the same health benefits as connecting

face-to-face with someone who is caring and empathetic. These days, however,
it’s not always possible to see friends and loved ones in person. If you’re kept
apart by geography, lockdown, or travel restrictions, for example, reach out to
others via phone, video chat, or social media.

Don’t withdraw in tough times. You may be inclined to retreat into your shell
when you’re facing challenges in your life. You may fear being a burden to friends
and loved ones or feel too exhausted to reach out. But try to keep up with social
activities even when you don’t feel like it. Good friends won’t consider you a
burden—they’re more likely to feel flattered that you trust them enough to confide
in them.

Try to avoid negative people. Some friends are good listeners, kind and
empathetic. Others seem to only fuel negative emotions, leaving you feeling even
more stressed, anxious, or panicky. Try to avoid anyone who magnifies your
problems, criticizes, or makes you feel judged.
Expand your social network. Even though relationships are vital for good
mental health, building resilience, and getting through tough times, many of us
feel that we don’t have anyone to turn to in times of need. But there are plenty of
ways to build new friendships and improve your support network. If you know
others who are lonely or isolated, be the one to take the initiative and reach out.

Tip 3: Invest in self-care

Living through tough times can be both mentally and physically draining.
Constantly being in a heightened state of stress can lead to serious health
problems, impact your immune and digestive systems, increase your risk of heart
attack and stroke, and lead to burnout, a state of emotional, physical, and mental
exhaustion.

Since the body and mind are so closely linked, investing in self-care is an
important part of building resilience and getting through times of great stress.
When your body feels strong and healthy so, too, will your mind.

Get enough exercise. When you’re dealing with chronic stress, you likely carry it
somewhere in your body. Maybe your muscles are tense, you have back or neck
pain, frequent headaches, insomnia, heartburn, or an upset stomach? Getting
regular exercise not only releases powerful endorphins in the brain to improve
your mood, but it can also help to ease tension in the body and counteract the
physical symptoms of stress.

Practice a “mind and body” relaxation technique. Practices such as yoga, tai
chi, and meditation blend deep breathing and body awareness to help you relieve
stress and bring your nervous system back into balance. Try one of HelpGuide’s
audio meditations to boost your physical and emotional well-being.
[Listen: Inner Strength Meditation]

Improve your sleep. When you’re facing adversity, nothing wears down your
resilience like missing out on a good night’s sleep. Often, improving your daytime
habits and taking the time to relax and unwind before bed can help you sleep
better at night.

Eat well. There are no specific foods that can help build resilience and weather
tough times. Rather, it’s your overall dietary pattern that’s important. Eating lots of
processed and takeout food can take a toll on your brain and mood, sapping your
energy, and weakening your immune system. A healthy diet, on the other
hand—one that’s low in sugar and rich in healthy fats—can give you the energy
and focus to tackle the challenges you’re facing.

Manage your overall stress levels

Taking steps to manage your overall stress can break the hold it has over your
life, improve your mood, and help you build the resilience you need to hold up
under pressure at this time.

Tip 4: Look for meaning and purpose

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by frightening headlines or consumed by the crisis
you’re facing. But whatever your circumstances, it doesn’t have to define you as
a person. You are not your crisis. By pursuing activities that bring purpose and
meaning to your life, you can keep your problems in perspective, prevent them
from overwhelming you, and maintain your identity.
Everyone is different so we all have different ways of experiencing purpose and
meaning. Don’t limit yourself by others’ expectations; pursue activities that are
important to you and add satisfaction to your life.

Give help to others. When you’re in the midst of a crisis, it’s common to feel
powerless and helpless. By proactively helping others, you can regain a sense of
control as well as find purpose in your life. In fact, giving support can be just as
beneficial as receiving support. Try volunteering, helping others in your
neighborhood, giving blood, donating to a charity, or marching for a cause that’s
important to you.

Pursue your hobbies and interests. In turbulent times, it’s important not to cast
aside interests that nourish your spirit. For many of us, it’s these things that
define us as individuals and bring meaning to our lives. Whether it’s playing a
sport, caring for a pet, an artistic or musical endeavor, home improvement
projects, or spending time in nature, continuing to draw pleasure from your
pastimes adds to your ability to cope with the stress of difficult times.

Tip 5: Stay motivated

An important part of coping with adversity and making it through tough times is to
foster qualities of persistence and endurance. Tough times don’t last forever, but
by their very nature they’re rarely over quickly. As you plot a road through the
darkness, you need to find ways to stay motivated and persevere.

Deal with your problems one step at a time. If a problem is too big to deal with
all at once, try breaking it down into smaller, more manageable steps. If your
problem seems to have no possible solution, you can still take action by drawing
up a list, researching more about the subject, or seeking the advice of a trusted
friend or loved one.
Celebrate small wins. To stay motivated and positive as you navigate stormy
seas in life, take a moment to savor your small successes. If you’re looking for
work, for example, getting an interview isn’t as meaningful as landing a job, but
it’s a sign of progress, a step in the right direction. Noting these small wins can
give you a welcome break from all the stress and negativity you’re facing and
encourage you to keep going.

[Read: Finding Joy During Difficult Times]

Try to maintain a hopeful outlook. While it’s difficult to stay positive and
hopeful in the midst of a crisis, many of us tend to blow our problems out of
proportion and make them seem even more negative than they really are. Try
taking a step back and examining your situation as an outsider. Are their rays of
hope that you can focus on? Instead of worrying about what you fear may
happen, try visualizing what you’d like to happen instead.

Express gratitude. It may sound trite, but even when you’re experience terrible
times, it’s usually possible to find one thing you can be grateful about—the love
of a pet, for example, a beautiful sunset, or a caring friend. Taking a moment to
acknowledge your gratitude for such small things can provide respite from the
stress and really boost your mood.

Be kind to yourself. Everyone adjusts to change and upheaval differently. Don’t

criticize your coping skills or beat yourself up for every mistake you make.
Self-compassion is an important part of building resilience, so go easy on
yourself.

Authors: Lawrence Robinson and Melinda Smith, M.A.

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