Spectrum

Produced by and for Autistic people

The

Edition 108 October 2021

© Frankie 2021
 The Spectrum

The Spectrum is run by and for autistic adults This magazine was founded as Asperger United
(although some parents subscribe on behalf of in 1993 by Pamela Yates and Patricia Howlin,
their under-sixteens). The magazine is owned in association with the Maudsley Hospital,
and run by the National Autistic Society, and and Mark Bebbington and Judy Lynch of the
aims to connect autistic people through their National Autistic Society.
letters and articles and to share information so
that they can lead more independent lives. This was in response to a recognised dearth
of services for people with Asperger syndrome
Please note that the Spectrum receives many and the potential for self-help and networking as
letters each quarter so it is not possible to a means of support for this group.
respond to every one, nor for every contribution
to be printed. Discussions on editorial choices The provisions for editor’s and sub-editor’s
will not be entered into. The magazine protects post was to develop a publication that was truly
the identity of contributors by not printing full the voice of the people it was aimed at. This post
names unless the writer asks for their full name also provided the possibility of work experience
to be used. and responsibility and has benefited those who
have held the position. These are Richard Exley,
The Spectrum is available at David Wright, Martin Coppola, Ian Reynolds,
John Joyce and the current editor, the Goth (who
www.autism.org.uk/thespectrum does not wear black).

or by paying a subscription. To subscribe you, we Pamela Yates provided support and advice to
need your postal address. Please subscribe online the editors until the publication was handed over
or contact the Goth for a subscription form. to the National Autistic Society in 2000.
All contact details are below. Organisations
requiring multiple copies: please get in touch. The name Asperger United was chosen
by the group of original readers as the most
Editor: the Goth “appropriate name” for the publication.
Production support: the Content Team This was suggested by Anna Kaczynski. The
Phone support: the Supporter Care Team name the Spectrum was suggested by dozens of
Database support: the Data Services Team people and chosen in an online poll in 2018.

Please send all correspondence and subscription requests to:

Email: the.spectrum@nas.org.uk If you want to be added to the email notification

list, send us your email address.
The Goth
c/o The National Autistic Society Please note that the views expressed in the
393 City Road Spectrum are not necessarily those of the editor,
London the National Autistic Society or those involved in
EC1V 1NG the publication of the magazine.

Tel: 0808 800 1050 (free from most landlines) or Tel: 020 7923 5779 (geographical charges apply)

The Spectrum is available inlarge print on A3 sheets (double the size of this page). If you need
large print, please let us know using the email address or postal address above.

Contributions for the next issue should reach the Spectrum by 22 November 2021
2
 editorial

Welcome to the October edition of the if you submit something by email, either scan the
Spectrum. form and attach it to the email or use the online
form (the web address is on pages 4 and 19).
I am sorry, I have had to make a sudden
change to the magazine. My thoughts are dominated by the loss of
my friend and one of the most effective forces
You can find a full announcement on page for change in the lives of Autistic people, Dinah
4, but in short: the National Autistic Society Murray. Her obituary appears on page 12.
has introduced a stricter policy, which means all
contributors to the Spectrum now need to fill in a It feels strange to look to a future where I will
permissions form, and the publication of pen-pal never again talk to Dinah about any and every
adverts has had to end. of a thousand topics, when, on thinking of her,
I will not feel sad, when I will casually mention
You might have noticed that this edition her and then move on without it feeling hugely
is a few weeks late — publication was delayed disrespectful to her memory.
by the need to get permissions from all the
contributors. But move on I must, as we all must, into the
continuum before us, the one tiny act of rebellion
If you receive a paper copy of the magazine, being to remember, and not let that memory be
you should have also received a paper empty and unused,
permissions form. If you send in a contribution
by post, please include this completed form, and the Editor

the permissions edition — suggestion for next issue on page 7

Contents
Galaxy hands by Frankie. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . cover Art by Charlie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11

Changes to the Spectrum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Dinah Murray – obituary by Laura. . . . . . . 12-13

announcement by Peter Watt
Relationships – article by Kayleigh Butler . . 13-14
Notice from the Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
A clear focus – story by S Bee . . . . . . . . . . . 14-15
Feature photograph by Paigetheoracle . . . . . . . 5
It’s the details that count . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16-17
I am not autistic; I am ND – article by Jack . . . 6-7 article by Adele Lea

Noise – comic strip by Tom Veldman . . . . . . . . 8 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

poem by Hermione Cameron
Being autistic and BAME – article by Hassan . . . 9
Craz y cat lady – article by Laura Williams . . . . 18
Letters to the Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
one about tech frustration and The revised rules of the Spectrum . . . . . . . . . . . 19
one about toilets from Paigetheoracle, and
one about moomins from Laura The poet – poem by Chloë T . . . . . . . . back cover
3
 an announcement and a notice

Announcement about

the changes to the Spectrum

by Peter Watt

Managing Director of National Programmes

at the National Autistic Society

Dear readers, be able to run this section and would like to

thank everyone who has contributed in the past.
my name is Peter, I am the Managing
Director of National Programmes at the The second change is that we are now asking
National Autistic Society. I am writing to you contributors to sign a permissions form when
to, first to introduce myself and second to let they submit content for the magazine, so we
you know about two changes to the magazine are always clear about how we can share their
and how you submit content. content.

We have been reviewing the content of the For this edition, a paper form for all
magazine against current best practice guidance, contributors to sign is included with the
for instance around data protection, and have magazine. For future editions, we will have
concluded that we need to make two changes. an online form where you can send us your
submissions and confirm the permissions at
We are sorry not to give more notice of the same time. The form will soon be available
these changes but we want to ensure that we on the Spectrum pages of the National Autistic
are meeting best practice guidelines as soon as Society website — please check back there to
possible. send in your contributions.

The first change is that we will unfortunately www.autism.org.uk/spmagpermissions

no longer be taking new pen-pal requests nor
publishing any that have already been submitted Thank you for continuing to support the
nor forwarding on correspondence, though Spectrum, and for your wonderful contributions.
everyone that is currently in direct contact with I hope that you will continue to send your
a pen pal is of course free to continue their content and we hope that the addition of the
correspondence. I’m sorry that we’ll no longer webform will allow more people to do this.

Editor’s note
In order to have enough permissions to publish of publishing pieces from readers only, so all
a full edition of the Spectrum at short notice, I such contributions include a note that they are
had to ask favours of several National Autistic either written by an Autistic colleague or were
Society colleagues who kindly agreed to provide originally submitted to Your Autism, the charity’s
articles. This is not the Spectrum’s usual practice membership magazine.
4
 feature

This feature and two letters on page 10

© Paigetheoracle 2021

by Paigetheoracle
5
 an article

I am not autistic; I am neurodiverse

by Jack Howes

a National Autistic Society employee

the views expressed are the author’s own
© Jack Howes 2021

Theories are a dangerous thing. learning, attention, mood strong comorbidity with the
We all have them, consciously and other mental functions aforementioned conditions of
and subconsciously. Pub bores in a non-pathological sense. ADHD, OCD, dyspraxia and
devise methods of how best to In a medical sense, various so on. However, autism is the
win money on fruit machines. conditions (listed in the only diagnosis I have and there
Football fans formulate bizarre paragraph below) which lead is the strong sense, with myself
theories for why certain to cognitive differences come and others, that I am autistic
referees supposedly give under the neurodiversity and other conditions are a by-
decisions against their team. umbrella. product of autism.
Commuters work out which
train station exits are quickest I like to think of As I grow older, I start to
during their daily journeys neurodiversity as a buffet doubt whether this true.
to work. Albert Einstein — you have autism in one I think of my cognitive traits
devised the theory of relativity. bowl, ADHD in another, a — poor attention span, huge
Whatever our intelligence or smothering of OCD on a china struggles with executive
qualifications, we all theorise. plate in the corner, dollops of functioning, highly obsessive
dyslexia and dyspraxia next to and repetitive thinking
Now, it is my time to come that, with Tourette’s syndrome patterns. Now, I don’t think
up with a theory. I do not have and dyscalculia on a table at these are all consequences
any qualifications, but possess the back. of being autistic, but simply
life experience, curiosity various different neurodiverse
and a brain which spends Now, speaking personally conditions — elements of
frustratingly little time in the briefly, I have an autism autism, OCD and ADHD
present and a worrying amount diagnosis and since my combining as one. I certainly
of time in the past and future. diagnosis in 2012, have don’t feel as if one of those
My new theory is this: identified as an autistic person. conditions stands out, or merits
In job applications, on my social priority over the other.
Autism doesn’t really media, chatting to folks in
exist, not in its present sense person, I have used the autism With many of my autistic
anyway. Those of us with label to describe myself, with an pals, I notice similar traits
autism diagnoses — we are not official NHS diagnosis as proof. which are likely attributed to
autistic, we are neurodiverse. autism, because that’s what
However, in that time, they were diagnosed with,
For the uninitiated, I have learnt huge amounts when they likely have other
neurodiversity refers to about autism and how the conditions too. “Autism” as a
variation in the human brain operates generally. stand-alone diagnosis I don’t
brain regarding sociability, I am aware autism has a believe to be sufficient.
6
 an article (continued) and a notice

I believe now that we are ME, is becoming increasingly notion. We are all, in my
all neurodiverse, autism being common, especially amongst view, neurodiverse above all
fully comorbid with other autistic people. Alongside else. Of course, some of us
conditions, which are often not fatigue and tiredness, chronic may be more autistic than
acknowledged or diagnosed. pain and discomfort are also others, in the same way that
sadly ubiquitous. My friend some struggle more with
This belief doesn’t informed me that ME often ADHD with only a dash of
only derive from personal develops as a psychological autism. But I do not think
experience. In the light of response to physical that one diagnosis is accurate
the Spectrum 10k project experiences. This means social any more. To recognise our
(not related to the Spectrum determinants like racism, brains as being neurodiverse,
magazine), I have been poverty and discrimination comprising elements of
considering the main goals of often cause more intense pain different conditions, would be
Spectrum 10k — to research responses for people. far more effective and accurate
the genetics of autistic people than the status quo, when
and identify autistic genes in Why would autism, autism for those diagnosed
people’s brains, which will at in certain aspects, be any tends to loom large above all
least in theory lead to better different? Sensory overload other conditions.
support being provided to may afflict us one day but not
autistic people. another, when levels of stimuli I would hope, if this belief
are the same. Autistic traits was shared by others, that we
I may be proved wrong, and the extents we experience could build a better society
but I struggle to see how them come and go, depending which truly meets people’s
one autistic gene could exist on context and circumstance. needs. We are all unique, have
which makes clear whether The idea then that autism is our own needs and if these
someone is autistic or not. entirely genetic, context-free could be met individually,
Autism, while I imagine partly and consistent is ludicrous. through one-to-one support,
genetic, develops through so The same I feel is true of all with all autistic people not just
many different contextual neurodiverse conditions ­— being treated the same, we can
factors. Stimuli is the most consider the impact of the live happier, more fulfilling
impactful of these, but the smartphone upon those with lives.
living arrangements of autistic ADHD for example. People
people, what school they go may not have ADHD or OCD For so many people with
to, where they work, anxiety at birth but develop symptoms autism diagnoses, there will be
levels, physical health and so of those conditions as they aspects of their behaviour they
on are hugely influential in how grow older. don’t understand or struggle
our autism impacts us. to control. By embracing
This adds to my belief neurodiversity, I believe
These beliefs came to that our brains are always we can better understand
me recently when discussing evolving and a simple autism people’s traits, their support
chronic pain with a friend. diagnosis, easily spotted requirements and then meet
Chronic fatigue syndrome, or through genetics, is a nonsense those in due course.

If sufficient material is sent in, the theme for people) the more likely that that subject will
January will be writing on any subject you be the theme. Remember, if you want to see
like. Vote with your contributions: the more different content in the Spectrum, the best way to
submissions on a subject sent in (from different change it is to send something in!
7
 a comic strip

Noise

© Tom Veldman 2021

by Tom
8
 an article

Being Autistic and BAME

(from a black and minority ethnic community)

by Hassan Mustafa

© Hassan Mustafa 2021

I come from a community Having issues throughout me, not having a routine
where hidden disabilities still most of my childhood life had and a set amount of things
have a lot of stigma attached always been overlooked. I to do on a regular basis is
to them. Speaking about could never understand why frightening but I don’t seem
my autism isn’t easy for me. I struggled with my education, to be understood — I find
The lack of emphasis on why I found it difficult to work that challenging I have
mental health issues, Autism interact in groups or why considered quitting on many
spectrum disorder (ASD) and I felt too nervous to speak or occasions. The noise and the
attention deficit hyperactivity why I found it challenging to busy atmosphere and being
disorder (ADHD) is still very feel accepted. I could never faced with new situations is
evident amongst the Asian understand why I found it a difficult thing to overcome.
community today but I do difficult to understand people, The lack of awareness and
think things are starting to their emotions or why I would understanding for an adult
improve. take things on a literal basis. with ASD is disappointing.
I get upset when I cannot I always tell people that
The cultural expectations do something at a particular children with ASD grow up
that cross generational time or carry out my special as adults with ASD. This has
boundaries demonstrate that interests. given me the courage to speak
you must learn to accept and about my diagnosis at work
behave how society wants Being Asian and Autistic and openly and do my bit to
you to be, showing your issues means I have more than one raise awareness.
is seen as a weakness. identity. An identity I’ve
I have learnt how to mask my found difficult to understand. I am part of a national
behaviour and I find ways Something that I will never be committee where I advocate
to manage — if anything I able to make sense of. for disability issues. I believe
manage “too well”. in inclusion, and raising
Fast forward in my life: awareness has been a form of
Growing up belonging I have managed to graduate release for me.
to an ethnic minority, it is university and I now work
not widely understood how as an immigration officer for People’s capabilities come in
prevalent these issues are one of the United Kingdom’s different forms, abilities and a
because culture appears to take busiest airports. I’ve only just range of colours. My aim is to raise
over and my experience has recently been diagnosed with awareness and encourage autistic
shown me that these issues are Autism spectrum disorder and people to go out into the community
very rarely spoken about. the struggle continues. and reach their full potential.

I grew up in a multicultural The thought of going in You are who you are, you
part of the United Kingdom to work frightens me, being shouldn’t have to change for
and attended a state school. around people frightens anybody. Embrace yourself.
9
 letters to the Editor

Dear Goth service provider upgrades or Wizard of Oz, with feet of

you changing your account clay.
Here we are, another day, details and it just needs you
another message written in to hang on a couple of days, Whoever writes these
gobbledegook: until the software adapts to the messages that come up on the
changes. screen have obviously nothing
“Searching for signals. No better to do with their time,
signal. Check signal cable.” Let’s not forget our mobiles other than to scare witless
in this techno jungle or jumble. first-time users. They get
No, press the other remote paid to write this stuff, when
button to load up the second “An unknown device from it might be better to just play
TV screen. another location has tried to the theme from Jaws to give
access your account. If this is us something that reflects the
Every time you turn on the you, you need do nothing.” fear engendered in us all by
telly you get this meaningless pointless messages and useless,
jargon, which throws you Well it was me but I am confusing jargon that doesn’t
because it doesn’t relate to not in London, Glasgow, mean what it says.
anything that is going on (or in Bexleyheath or Timbuktu.
this case not going on). By the way I could threaten
Once more the panic them with impunity because
It’s not just the television is button jumps into operation I know the software they use
it? Sometimes it is the computer: because the implication is that would tell them I happened to
it is someone elsewhere trying be on the far side of the Moon.
“Can’t connect. Unable to hack my account, when in
to verify account name or fact the truth is more mundane Oh yes, and we do know
password.” and once again, the words do that our call is important to
not fit the situation in reality. you (and other likely stories).
Again it is absolutely Location software is inaccurate
nothing to do with me but and this techno God is the Paigetheoracle

Dear Goth Dear Goth they have with nature and with their
home, Moominvalley.
Lockdown and I have recently developed an
toilets. interest in the moomin books by I would be curious to know if
author Tove Jansson. any other readers have a particular
I wonder if connection to any book or series of
anyone else on the I started reading them because books, whether it’s something that
Spectrum has found I remembered enjoying a couple of they remember reading as children
using public toilets them when I read them as a child or one that they read more recently?
easier because and I wanted to see if I still liked
of lockdown? I them now that I’m an adult. It turns I think that I will be rereading
normally find it out that I absolutely love them! and thinking about the moomins
embarrassing to use for many years to come, but I also
them but wearing a The world that the author want to reread other books that I
mask seems to make created whilst writing about remember from when I was young
it easier. the moomins and their friends — next up is the Animorphs books!
really speaks to me — I love the
Paigetheoracle characters and the relationships that Laura
10
 art

by Charlie, son of a National Autistic Society employee

11
 an article

Dinah Murray

27 May, 1946, to 7 July, 2021

obituary by Laura

The death of someone who has affected the better. She was never deceived by the recognition
lives of many Autistic people is a rare event, given to her — often recognition is used as a sop
thankfully. But in July Dinah Murray died after a so that people feel listened-to, but if it doesn’t
relatively short illness, due to pancreatic cancer. produce change, so what?

She gloried in the title of Productive Irritant, Dinah was a committed supporter of Autistic
named after the irritant, typically a nematode Pride, Weird Pride, keen to get people to accept
worm or other parasite, which causes an oyster to themselves for who they really were.
produce a pearl. “Productive irritant” was used to
describe her by the economist Martin Knapp in Culminating with publication in 2005, Wenn
2017 at the launch of the report he co-authored, Lawson, Mike Lesser, and Dinah developed
The autism dividend. the concept of monotropism to explain Autism.
“Monotropism” is literally “single-way-ishness”
Dinah was born in Hampstead in North and describes the way Autistic interests are very
London, her parents, Labour MP Tony focused, Autists often fail to take in the “bigger
Greenwood and designer Jill Greenwood (born picture” — spotting the kingfisher but not the
Gillian Crawshay-Williams) influencing her cars — and Autists’ attention is usually limited
radical view of the world and the ways it could be to one or a few things at any particular time. On
better. She was a life-long political protester. initial publication the response from academia
was mixed, but support for the idea has grown.
She studied fine art at Newcastle University,
didn’t enjoy it, so she dropped out and went on to In 2020 Dinah moved to Fife to be near
graduate in linguistics and anthropology at UCL. Fergus, to get away from Tory government, and
She married David Murray the following year to further her research in mycology and its role
and had three children, Bruno, Leo and Fergus, in the wider ecology of an area — she was always
fostering a fourth, Eddie. full of ideas on all sorts of subjects, and very
knowledgable in many of them.
Amazingly, while still raising four children,
Dinah got her PhD in 1986. But it is Dinah-the-person I remember fondly,
always willing and ready to help others whenever
I could sum up the rest of her life as “Dinah she had the energy to spare, always alert to people
went on to set up and support many Autistic-led in need in difficult social situations.
organisations until she died” but it seems too
small a sentence to describe such a mass of work. When I first came across her while she was
However, I don’t want this piece to become a overloaded it was such a surprise — she had
(very) long list of her achievements with a few limits to her! Before, she’d seemed superhuman,
anecdotes to season. So much of what Dinah did but no, her understanding and kindness were
was directly for people. That some of it made driven by first-hand experience of the difficulties
the powers-that-be take notice, so much the she helped with.
12
 an article (continued) and another article

In my more typical experience of her, she an observation that made us all stop and think.
would flit effortlessly from hard-nosed academic
discussion to a broad joke and back to discussion, It is hard to express my loss, yet my loss is
keeping everyone on good terms, making sure tiny compared to those closer to her. Dinah will
everyone had had enough to eat, lancing in with remain in my thoughts.

Relationships

by Kayleigh Butler

© Kayleigh Butler 2021

I think relationships are challenging for everyone bought a bag of treats with our weekly shop
on the spectrum. Whether it is difficulty in and took to snuggling on our sofa together. We
communicating or being alienated because we have been trying hard to find other things to
are different. I have struggled to make friends do, to be open in communicating our needs.
throughout my life and most of them turned No judgement allowed, only questions to better
into my bullies, saying horrible things behind my understand each other. Talking is so crucial,
back. I still to this day can only say I have less I never could understand the “silent treatment”
than a handful of friends, including my partner or screaming obscenities at each other. That
but I don’t hear from the others often. is not productive. Growing up I witnessed
communication breakdowns, poor relationships
I have found that my rules of friendship are that were my only example. It upset me to watch.
never respected, and I do feel discouraged when I knew this was the opposite of what I wanted,
I am always the first to make contact even after the opposite of healthy.
weeks or months of not speaking. I find we all
treat people the way we want to be treated, it was I’d be lying if I didn’t say I struggled to
drilled into us throughout our early school lives communicate or that I didn’t get agitated and take
(and we are sticklers for the rules). Neurotypicals things the wrong way. In those moments I have
don’t seem to have the same philosophy, which learnt that I need to take a break, and really think
I will never understand. The majority seem to about what I really wanted to say. When I was in
think that they don’t have to try and maintain a good state of mind after one of these difficult
a relationship, which is why I think so many situations, I told my partner that when I appear
romantic relationships end in anger. I have been agitated it is never meant to be directed at him,
with my partner for two-and-a-half years, we live that I am not angry with him (unless I tell him
together and naturally lockdown had an effect something specific that has upset me due to his
on us. A lot of our common interests require actions), I told him that I just feel overwhelmed
being able to go out. We like exploring, cinemas, and don’t really know why. He now knows what
restaurants, sitting in the sun reading. We wanted I need in those moments. I made my needs clear,
to go to our local sports centre, go bowling, play and he respects that, and I try my best to do
tennis. All of these were scuppered as soon as the same for him. We spend more time asking
the one daily walk was initiated. The only thing what the other needs than focusing on why they
we managed to alter safely and comfortably was are feeling a certain way. It works. I think if we
our weekly date night for movies. We used our hadn’t put this in place, maybe we wouldn’t be
streaming services and second-hand DVDs, together now. Kindness and honesty are our
13
 an article (continued) and a story

foundation. The respect and love for each other it is a sixth sense, I never open up until I am
brings us happiness and a closeness that we don’t certain I can trust them. Until I know they won’t
have with anyone else in this way. use what I tell them against me — I have been
burned before. It took a lot of trial and error
I suppose what I’m trying to say is think to get here, but I can safely say I am happy and
about what your wants and needs are and have proud of my relationship and the friendships that
an open conversation with the other party. I have formed.
Remember to ask what their wants and needs are
also. It helps when you feel comfortable to do I have a blog at
this. I am not always in a position to have that
conversation. I won’t always feel comfortable if https://kayleighcreativeworld.wordpress.com
I am unsure whether I really know the person I
am talking to. I trust my gut. Almost as though I hope you are all okay — Kayleigh.

A clear focus

by S Bee

© S Bee 2021

“How fabulous!” Jenny, Marsha’s best friend, photographer. That’s why the judges selected your
gushed over the phone. work above all the other competitors.”

“Of course I’m pleased, but” Marsha stopped, “Hmm . . .”

as her thoughts flew back to that morning. Wow.
She’d actually won first prize in that photography Jenny cut in: “I’ll never forget your wonderful
competition! image of that fox. It took my breath away.”

The prize was a residential photography Marsha’s mind flew back — she’d risen at
course, taught to a small group over a weekend, 3 am to capture that shot.
held in a converted farmhouse in a Yorkshire
dales village. This would be the perfect backdrop She’d waited in the woods, until the shy fox
for capturing beautiful, atmospheric images. had appeared through the ethereal dawn mist.
Then she’d raised the lens and clicked.
The dales village wasn’t far away from
Marsha’s home town, either. Behind the camera was the only place where
Marsha felt safe and secure.
It was the kind of arrangement that
encouraged like-minded chats, to share ideas and ***
swap hints and tips with other enthusiasts.
“I’ve decided not to take that competition prize,”
But a crippling lack of confidence was holding Marsha began, when she and Jenny were settled
her back. in a cafe.

“Don’t throw away this amazing opportunity,” “Why?” The disappointed tone in Jenny’s
Jenny went on. “You’re a truly talented voice was hard to listen to.
14
 a story (continued)

Marsha fiddled with her spoon. “What if the When her photo sold, she was over the moon.
tutors and students don’t like my photos?” “More please!” the shop owner had demanded.

“What if you don’t like theirs?” Jenny Time was running out.
challenged.
Marsha needed to stop dawdling about the
“I’ll be a bundle of nerves. They’ll have a competition prize, and make a final decision.
good laugh at my mistakes.”
***
“They’ll be nervous too, and making mistakes
isn’t the end of the world. Look, why not contact As Marsha stepped out of the taxi, she clutched
the tutor, and explain that you suffer from a her camera and looked around the beautiful
lack of confidence? They might be able to make scenery. The sun shone, birds chirped and bees
allowances.” buzzed. Bliss!

“I’ll think about it,” she muttered. A woman of her own age approached her.

“How would you feel if you didn’t go?” Jenny “Is it Marsha?”
asked.
Marsha nodded.
She considered. “Disappointed. Sad.”
“I’m Kay. I’m glad you emailed me and told
“In the months to come, would you regret not me about your lack of confidence. I see you took
taking the prize?” my advice to arrive earlier. Please don’t worry —
everyone will put you at ease,’ she smiled.
“I know I will.”
Marsha returned the smile. Kay’s kindness
*** and warmth made her anxiety instantly melt away.

Later, Marsha found a message in her inbox from Her presence here was all down to Jenny.
the competition organisers.
She’d finally told Jenny about the fox photo sale.
“Could you confirm your winning place? If
you’ve decided to decline the first prize, we’ll “A person who gets out of bed at 3 am and
offer it to one of our runners-up. Please let us tramps to the woods on her own certainly doesn’t
know as soon as possible.” lack confidence. And a person who strides into
a shop and presents her work to a complete
She pondered over Jenny’s words. stranger doesn’t, either.”

She hadn’t told Jenny, but motivated by the Hmm, Marsha mused. She made a very good
win, Marsha had framed her fox photo, and taken point!
it along to an arty type of shop.
‘Enjoy the course — and good luck with your
“Oh, this is rather special,” the shop owner new career!”
had said. “I’d love to display it.”
Marsha’s spine tingled. New career?
They’d reached an agreement over a price,
and Marsha had come away with a sense of In that case, she thought, I’d better get on and
achievement and pride. capture some more images . . ..
15
 an article

It’s the details that count

by Adele Lea

© Adele Lea 2021

I am an author with high-functioning Asperger’s we could remember what our teacher was
syndrome, and my book, It’s the details that count! wearing over a week before — I apprised them
has recently been published. In addition to being of every small detail and this unintentionally
an enjoyable read, it has the hope of raising disproved their point about how their work is
awareness and giving an insight into females with “highly skilled” because “people don’t notice, or
high-functioning AS. remember, information”.

Throughout my life, I have frequently utilised However, obviously with age, the signs to
thinking up labyrinthine mystery plots as a coping look out for become more subtle. Thus, hoping
mechanism in stressful situations — however, to raise awareness so other people can be better
with more time on my hands due to covid-19, my understood, I have given the book It’s the details
family suggested writing one of them down. that count! the slant of giving an insight into
female high-functioning Asperger’s. This also
Diagnosed with high-functioning Asperger’s helped the fact I had instinctively made high-
syndrome at the age of four, from my experience functioning AS determine the actions of the two
of seven schools, I have become well aware of main characters, Martha and Nora Quick, (who
how people’s lack of understanding the way are aged 16 and 14-and-3/4 years respectively).
AS presents in girls massively impacts in day-
to-day life. Liking some socialising (unlike the By having the local police’s undisguised
autistic male stereotypical form), I didn’t just sit antipathy contrasting the CID detectives’
in a corner and say nothing, or in contrast, run acceptance, I’ve tried to demonstrate the effect
around the room and dive under tables. Simply of people’s understanding and reaction to some
because I looked normal and achieved well unique quirks caused by their AS (mostly their
academically, people wouldn’t accept I had any literal mind and matter-of-fact nature).
difficulties, insisting on putting everything down
to my being an only child. I have always loved a good complicated,
but enjoyable, mystery, and didn’t want the AS
This was despite my displaying obvious AS explanations to dominate this aspect. Therefore,
signs that people could have easily picked up on I have put the explanations concerning the AS
with a little awareness. For instance when I was behaviours in brackets so it’s easier to follow the
younger, I: took my teacher’s metaphors literally, plot, and isn’t too intrusive on the novel if some
such as being really worried and going to find her people aren’t primarily interested in this non-
when she wasn’t back in “two secs” as she’d said fiction part. After all, as is the case with most
she would be; struggled with changes to routine, things in life, AS presents slightly differently in
and group work; lay on the floor due to sensory each individual, although the main underlying
overload; got into trouble for answering that principles are the same.
no, I wouldn’t like to open the window; highly
exasperated teachers by “interrogating” them due After deliberating a way to link AS and a
to my anxiety and auditory difficulties; annoyed murder mystery, I came up with the important
the local police by actually answering their link: details. Small and seemingly insignificant
question in a school talk concerning whether points, that only those with AS would take any
16
 an article (continued) and a poem

notice of, prove to be vital in solving the intricate and mixed up — some described it as a lot more
mystery. I had already unintentionally made complicated than any Agatha Christie — that
them important and so this was not difficult to I wondered whether I would be able to complete
develop. This, plus the main characters’ love of the book. However, my family (and the comfort
mathematics and counting interpenetrate to form of my dog) helped me get back on track with
the basis for the link between the plot and AS, it and write a summary to get things clear in
and thus the title. my head. An adapted form of that summary
is now incorporated at the end, as I know
One of the hardest parts of writing the there’s nothing more frustrating than small, but
book was not to let the “exuberance of my significant, details being left unaccounted for.
verbosity” dominate the book! Although the
book is written for adults and teenagers to read, It’s been difficult getting the right balance
I want the insight to be within reach of a wide between: the book’s being a pleasurable read,
range of academic levels, and so my nana who and raising awareness into the AS difficulties
is neurotypical has reined in some of the long and “silver linings”. However, I hope its being
words when helping to edit the book, as I know written in the first person of Martha (one of the
not everyone shares my obsession for them! sisters with AS) facilitates the reader in escaping
into the world of the Quick sisters and in better
The setting was difficult to decide on understanding how their AS makes them view it.
— I originally had it by the sea, then in the
mountains, and finally decided on part of You can order It’s the details that count! by Adele
Yorkshire where the scars (hills) and lakes would Lea on line. More information can be found on
enhance the context. the following website:

At one point, the plot became so complicated byadelelea.wixsite.com/detailscount

...

I missed the subtext again

Here I am writing about writing again

typing again

like I’m a tiny stick figure

swinging between space bars
along the ellipsis . . .
trying not to fall through the spaces

(trying to avoid too much word play

because I know it’s cliched, but I can’t resist it)

by Hermione Cameron
a National Autistic Society employee
hermionecameron1.wordpress.com © Hermione Cameron 2021
17
 an article

Crazy Cat Lady

by Laura Williams

article originally submitted to Your Autism magazine,

the membership magazine of the National Autistic Society

Working in a cat shelter means that I get the watching one of my videos! Although my
chance to spend time with cats every day. One videos were aimed at children, most of our
of the greatest joys is seeing our cats move on feedback came from adults who simply enjoyed
to new, loving homes. It is so great to see a seeing the cats. I was even interviewed on BBC
nervous cat gradually build trust and begin to Radio Surrey about my bedtime stories with
enjoy human company. cats.

Then in March 2020, the coronavirus Eventually we developed a special system

pandemic hit, and everyone was told to stay to rehome cats safely. It was a wrench to see
at home. We had to suspend rehoming, turn our lockdown cohort of cats move on after
away all of our volunteers, and continue we had spent so much time with them, but we
caring for our cats with significantly reduced were also thrilled for them to finally get the
staffing levels. Our volunteers and supporters opportunity to have a proper home. This is all
were often asking how the cats were, and keeping us very busy and there is now limited
occasionally about the staff too. I was also time available for reading stories to cats. I do
missing family members who I was unable hope to continue reading the occasional cat
to visit. I realised I could connect with them story though, as it is important to maintain my
by making some videos with cats. I dug out reputation as a crazy cat lady!
some of my favourite childhood books, and so
began my series of pandemic bedtime stories,
featuring cats.

Cats do not always behave as expected,

and this made for some very amusing videos.
Some cats simply sat still, watching events
from inside a box where they felt safe. Others
emerged for affection or sat on my lap, and
others simply walked off. One group of six
kittens climbed all over me and even untied my
shoelaces.

My mum started sending my videos to

her friends. I was able to record a special
birthday message for my niece and nephews,
that everyone else could enjoy too. One day
I phoned my parents and could hear my own
voice in the background, as my parents were
18
 stuff you might like to know about the Spectrum

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19
The Spectrum
magazine

The poet

You pulled up one day in a gypsy cart on my estate

Inside I heard the poetry and grace of wondering souls
I wore a white shirt with a stitch of geometric holes across my chest
As a fragmented window, absorbing the sunshine of your lapsing breaths directly into my heart
I followed your people from south to north to east
I sat in the corners and watched the ease of your interactions, bemused and enchanted by the melody
Soul cries, heart bleeds, urban intelligence, ironic humour and the quirks of funk
I spoke only with my eyes
My mouth bound tight
My heart burned in your presence
Communicating in my essence that i get you, but i dont know how to get to you, because I am autistic
If my visibility was but a celebratory balloon to your eloquence
If my mouth was to open, it would only be natural for me to deflate and fly away

by Chloë T

© Chloë T 2021

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