T2 041023

In contemporary society, with the increasing population, migration to another country is
becoming one of the best options. But this situation is becoming a problem for some
countries where it is not possible to keep all the immigrants. In this case it is possible to
distinguish between the positive and the negative causes.
According to experts, the main reasons for migration are seeking better employment
prospects, followed by a better lifestyle and the pursuit of a formal study. This has many
consequences in the countries, such as changes in the country’s demographics, lack of
employment and inequality spaces for the entire population.
On the other hand, many people decided to migrate for other causes including,
violence, terrorism, natural disasters, lack of opportunities or escape from poverty. As a
result, there are multiple impacts in the countries, for example, changes in the
economy, increasing of the labour competence and augmented discrimination.
An example of this is Colombia, where more than 214.700 people migrate from
countryside cities to the capital Bogotá. The reason is the armed conflict between the
government and the FARC who affects the people and are forced to change their
residence place. This has many consequences in terms of security, life’s cost and lack of
job opportunities.
To summarize, knowing the reasons why the people decided to migrate could be an
advantage for the government to take necessary measures. It is crucial to have clear
laws regarding the number of people who can migrate and the requirements they must
meet and have a plan to control how many immigrants arrive.
Hi Nathalia,
A well structured and logical essay with some good detail. Remember it is better to
develop a few points well that give too many examples. For example, you write
migration can “change the country’s demographics” but it is not clear if this is the
country migrant left, or the one they arrived in. So a bit more detail would be good. You
use some very good and topic specific vocabulary and mostly accurate grammar – well
done. Here are a few suggestions to make the spelling, vocabulary collocation, and
grammar better in your essay:
1. Do not use “But/And/Yet” at the beginning of a sentence.
2. "it is not possible to keep all the immigrants."

- Suggestion: "it is not possible to accommodate all the immigrants."
3. "positive and the negative causes."

- Suggestion: "positive and negative causes."
4. "the pursuit of a formal study." (Study here is uncountable – no article needed).

- Suggestion: "the pursuit of formal education."
5. "This has many consequences in the countries,"

- Suggestion: "This has many consequences for the countries, such as..."
6. "inequality spaces for the entire population."

- Suggestion: "inequality in opportunities for the entire population." (housing
opportunities?)
7. "migrate for other causes including, violence, terrorism, natural disasters,"

- Suggestion: "migrate for other reasons, including violence, terrorism, natural
disasters,"
8. "increasing of the labour competence" (again, you mean “competence” generally).

- Suggestion: "increasing labour competition" or "increasing labour competence" (?)
9. "augmented discrimination."
- Suggestion: "increased discrimination."
10. "where more than 214.700 people migrate from countryside cities to the capital
Bogotá."
- Suggestion: "where more than 214,700 people migrate from rural cities to the
capital, Bogotá."
11. "armed conflict between the government and the FARC who affects the people"
- Suggestion: "armed conflict between the government and the FARC that affects the
people"
12. "forced to change their residence place."

- Suggestion: "forced to change their place of residence."
13. "consequences in terms of security, life’s cost"

- Suggestion: "consequences in terms of security, the cost of living"
14. "number of people who can migrate and the requirements they must meet and
have a plan to control how many immigrants arrive."
- Suggestion: "number of people who can migrate, the requirements they must meet,
and a plan to control the arrival of immigrants."
Grading your essay according to IELTS Writing Task 2 criteria:
Task Achievement (Band 6):

- Your essay addresses the topic of migration and its impacts, but the organization and
development of ideas could be improved for better clarity. The question does ask for a
solution and a government plan is not fully developed (more detail needed).
- You have mentioned both positive and negative causes of migration, which is
appropriate.
- You provided an example (Colombia) to support your argument, but it could be more
detailed.
Coherence and Cohesion (Band 7):

- Your essay has some issues with coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks clear
paragraph structure, which affects readability.
- Transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother.
- Some sentences are long and complex, making it harder to follow your ideas.
Lexical Resource (Band 7):

- You use a range of vocabulary, but there are errors and awkward word choices in your
essay. For example, "inequality spaces" should be "inequality in opportunities."
- You use some academic vocabulary, but it could be more varied and precise.
- There are some collocation errors, like "increasing of the labour competence," which
should be "increased labour competition."
- The spelling and word formation has very few errors and this is why this essay is a 7
and not a 6.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy (Band 6):

- Your essay contains a mix of complex and simpler sentences, but there are some
grammatical errors throughout.
- You use both simple and complex sentence structures, which is good for variety.
However, if you look closely at the writing, there are no obvious subordinate clauses,
comparative sentences, or conditionals, so the range is fairly tight.
- Subject-verb agreement is sometimes incorrect, such as "FARC who affects the people"
(should be "FARC that affect the people") because here you are talking about the
people/individuals (they) or the organisation (it).
Overall Band Score (Band 6):

Your essay demonstrates an adequate level of English proficiency and addresses the
topic of migration with some relevant examples and explanations. However, there are
issues with organization, vocabulary, and grammar that affect the overall clarity and
coherence of your essay. To improve your score, work on improving sentence structure,
vocabulary choice, and proofreading for grammatical errors. Additionally, focus on
organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with smooth transitions to enhance
coherence and cohesion.

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In contemporary society, with the increasing population, migration to another country is

1. Do not use “But/And/Yet” at the beginning of a sentence.

2. "it is not possible to keep all the immigrants."

3. "positive and the negative causes."

4. "the pursuit of a formal study." (Study here is uncountable – no article needed).

5. "This has many consequences in the countries,"

6. "inequality spaces for the entire population."

7. "migrate for other causes including, violence, terrorism, natural disasters,"

8. "increasing of the labour competence" (again, you mean “competence” generally).

12. "forced to change their residence place."

13. "consequences in terms of security, life’s cost"

Grading your essay according to IELTS Writing Task 2 criteria:

Task Achievement (Band 6):

Coherence and Cohesion (Band 7):

Lexical Resource (Band 7):

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (Band 6):

Overall Band Score (Band 6):

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