2 November 2018

COMMUNICATION

Nonverbal Communication and Body

Language
Your facial expressions, gestures, posture, and tone of voice are powerful communication tools.
Here’s how to read and use body language to build better relationships at home and work.

By Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Melinda Smith, M.A., Lawrence Robinson and Greg Boose
Last updated or reviewed on November 7, 2023

What is body language?

While the key to success in both personal and professional relationships lies in your ability to communicate well,
it’s not the words that you use but your nonverbal cues or “body language” that speak the loudest. Body
language is the use of physical behavior, expressions, and mannerisms to communicate nonverbally, often done
instinctively rather than consciously.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, when you interact with others, you’re continuously giving and receiving
wordless signals. All of your nonverbal behaviors—the gestures you make, your posture, your tone of voice, how
much eye contact you make—send strong messages. They can put people at ease, build trust, and draw others
towards you, or they can offend, confuse, and undermine what you’re trying to convey. These messages don’t
stop when you stop speaking either. Even when you’re silent, you’re still communicating nonverbally.

In some instances, what comes out of your mouth and what you communicate through your body language may
be two totally different things. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener
will likely feel that you’re being dishonest. If you say “yes” while shaking your head no, for example. When faced
with such mixed signals, the listener has to choose whether to believe your verbal or nonverbal message. Since
body language is a natural, unconscious language that broadcasts your true feelings and intentions, they’ll likely
choose the nonverbal message.

[Read: Effective Communication]

However, by improving how you understand and use nonverbal communication, you can express what you really
mean, connect better with others, and build stronger, more rewarding relationships.

The importance of nonverbal communication

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm

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Your nonverbal communication cues—the way you listen, look, move, and react—tell the person you're
communicating with whether or not you care, if you're being truthful, and how well you're listening. When your
nonverbal signals match up with the words you're saying, they increase trust, clarity, and rapport. When they
don't, they can generate tension, mistrust, and confusion.

If you want to become a better communicator, it's important to become more sensitive not only to the body
language and nonverbal cues of others, but also to your own.

Nonverbal communication can play five roles:

Repetition: It repeats and often strengthens the message you're making verbally.
Contradiction: It can contradict the message you're trying to convey, thus indicating to your listener that
you may not be telling the truth.
Substitution: It can substitute for a verbal message. For example, your facial expression often conveys a
far more vivid message than words ever can.
Complementing: It may add to or complement your verbal message. As a boss, if you pat an employee on
the back in addition to giving praise, it can increase the impact of your message.
Accenting: It may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for example, can underline
the importance of your message.

Source: The Importance of Effective Communication, Edward G. Wertheim, Ph.D.

Types of nonverbal communication

The many different types of nonverbal communication or body language include:

Facial expressions. The human face is extremely expressive, able to convey countless emotions without saying
a word. And unlike some forms of nonverbal communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial
expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same across cultures.

Body movement and posture. Consider how your perceptions of people are affected by the way they sit, walk,
stand, or hold their head. The way you move and carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to the
world. This type of nonverbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance, and the subtle movements
you make.

Gestures. Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. You may wave, point, beckon, or use your hands
when arguing or speaking animatedly, often expressing yourself with gestures without thinking. However, the
meaning of some gestures can be very different across cultures. While the “OK” sign made with the hand, for
example, usually conveys a positive message in English-speaking countries, it's considered offensive in
countries such as Germany, Russia, and Brazil. So, it's important to be careful of how you use gestures to avoid
misinterpretation.

Eye contact. Since the visual sense is dominant for most people, eye contact is an especially important type of
nonverbal communication. The way you look at someone can communicate many things, including interest,
affection, hostility, or attraction. Eye contact is also important in maintaining the flow of conversation and for

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm

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gauging the other person's interest and response.

Touch. We communicate a great deal through touch. Think about the very different messages given by a weak
handshake, a warm bear hug, a patronizing pat on the head, or a controlling grip on the arm, for example.

Space. Have you ever felt uncomfortable during a conversation because the other person was standing too
close and invading your space? We all have a need for physical space, although that need differs depending on
the culture, the situation, and the closeness of the relationship. You can use physical space to communicate
many different nonverbal messages, including signals of intimacy and affection, aggression or dominance.

Voice. It's not just what you say, it's how you say it. When you speak, other people “read” your voice in addition
to listening to your words. Things they pay attention to include your timing and pace, how loud you speak, your
tone and inflection, and sounds that convey understanding, such as “ahh” and “uh-huh.” Think about how your
tone of voice can indicate sarcasm, anger, affection, or confidence.

Can nonverbal communication be faked?

There are many books and websites that offer advice on how to use body language to your advantage. For
example, they may instruct you on how to sit a certain way, steeple your fingers, or shake hands in order to
appear confident or assert dominance. But the truth is that such tricks aren't likely to work (unless you truly feel
confident and in charge). That's because you can't control all of the signals you're constantly sending about
what you're really thinking and feeling. And the harder you try, the more unnatural your signals are likely to come
across.

However, that doesn't mean that you have no control over your nonverbal cues. For example, if you disagree
with or dislike what someone's saying, you may use negative body language to rebuff the person's message,
such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don't have to agree, or even like
what's being said, but to communicate effectively and not put the other person on the defensive, you can make
a conscious effort to avoid sending negative signals—by maintaining an open stance and truly attempting to
understand what they're saying, and why.

How nonverbal communication can go wrong

What you communicate through your body language and nonverbal signals affects how others see you, how well
they like and respect you, and whether or not they trust you. Unfortunately, many people send confusing or
negative nonverbal signals without even knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust in
relationships are damaged, as the following examples highlight:

Jack believes he gets along great with his colleagues at work, but if you were to ask any of them, they
would say that Jack is “intimidating” and “very intense.” Rather than just look at you, he seems to devour
you with his eyes. And if he takes your hand, he lunges to get it and then squeezes so hard it hurts. Jack
is a caring guy who secretly wishes he had more friends, but his nonverbal awkwardness keeps people at
a distance and limits his ability to advance at work.

Arlene is attractive and has no problem meeting eligible men, but she has a difficult time maintaining a
relationship for longer than a few months. Arlene is funny and interesting, but even though she constantly
laughs and smiles, she radiates tension. Her shoulders and eyebrows are noticeably raised, her voice is

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm

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shrill, and her body is stiff. Being around Arlene makes many people feel anxious and uncomfortable.
Arlene has a lot going for her that is undercut by the discomfort she evokes in others.

Ted thought he had found the perfect match when he met Sharon, but Sharon wasn't so sure. Ted is good
looking, hardworking, and a smooth talker, but seemed to care more about his thoughts than Sharon's.
When Sharon had something to say, Ted was always ready with wild eyes and a rebuttal before she could
finish her thought. This made Sharon feel ignored, and soon she started dating other men. Ted loses out
at work for the same reason. His inability to listen to others makes him unpopular with many of the people
he most admires.

These smart, well-intentioned people struggle in their attempt to connect with others. The sad thing is that they
are unaware of the nonverbal messages they communicate.

[Read: Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship]

If you want to communicate effectively, avoid misunderstandings, and enjoy solid, trusting relationships both
socially and professionally, it's important to understand how to use and interpret body language and improve
your nonverbal communication skills.

How to improve nonverbal communication

Nonverbal communication is a rapidly flowing back-and-forth process that requires your full focus on the
moment-to-moment experience. If you're planning what you're going to say next, checking your phone, or
thinking about something else, you're almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and not fully understand the
subtleties of what's being communicated. As well as being fully present, you can improve how you communicate
nonverbally by learning to manage stress and developing your emotional awareness.

Learn to manage stress in the moment

Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you're stressed out, you're more likely to misread other
people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior.
And remember: emotions are contagious. If you are upset, it is very likely to make others upset, thus making a
bad situation worse.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by stress, take a time out. Take a moment to calm down before you jump back
into the conversation. Once you've regained your emotional equilibrium, you'll feel better equipped to deal with
the situation in a positive way.

The fastest and surest way to calm yourself and manage stress in the moment is to employ your senses—what
you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch—or through a soothing movement. By viewing a photo of your child or pet,
smelling a favorite scent, listening to a certain piece of music, or squeezing a stress ball, for example, you can
quickly relax and refocus. Since everyone responds differently, you may need to experiment to find the sensory
experience that works best for you.

Develop your emotional awareness

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm

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In order to send accurate nonverbal cues, you need to be aware of your emotions and how they influence you.
You also need to be able to recognize the emotions of others and the true feelings behind the cues they are
sending. This is where emotional awareness comes in.

[Read: Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)]

Being emotionally aware enables you to:

Accurately read other people, including the emotions they're feeling and the unspoken messages they're
sending.
Create trust in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up with your words.
Respond in ways that show others that you understand and care.

Many of us are disconnected from our emotions—especially strong emotions such as anger, sadness,
fear—because we've been taught to try to shut off our feelings. But while you can deny or numb your feelings,
you can't eliminate them. They're still there and they're still affecting your behavior. By developing your
emotional awareness and connecting with even the unpleasant emotions, though, you'll gain greater control over
how you think and act. To start developing your emotional awareness, practice the mindfulness meditation in
HelpGuide's free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit.

How to read body language

Once you've developed your abilities to manage stress and recognize emotions, you'll start to become better at
reading the nonverbal signals sent by others. It's also important to:

Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said. Is the person
saying one thing, but their body language conveying something else? For example, are they telling you “yes”
while shaking their head no?

Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don't read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal
cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body
language. Taken together, are their nonverbal cues consistent—or inconsistent—with what their words are
saying?

Trust your instincts. Don't dismiss your gut feelings. If you get the sense that someone isn't being honest or that
something isn't adding up, you may be picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues.

Evaluating nonverbal signals

Eye contact – Is the person making eye contact? If so, is it overly intense or just right?

Facial expression – What is their face showing? Is it masklike and unexpressive, or emotionally present and filled
with interest?

Tone of voice – Does the person's voice project warmth, confidence, and interest, or is it strained and blocked?

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm

By Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Melinda Smith, M.A., Lawrence Robinson and Greg Boose
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Last updated or reviewed on November 7, 2023
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Posture and gesture – Is their body relaxed or stiff and immobile? Are their shoulders tense and raised, or
relaxed?

Touch – Is there any physical contact? Is it appropriate to the situation? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?

Intensity – Does the person seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top and melodramatic?

Timing and place – Is there an easy flow of information back and forth? Do nonverbal responses come too
quickly or too slowly?

Sounds – Do you hear sounds that indicate interest, caring or concern from the person?

More Information

Helpful links

01. About Nonverbal Communications - Different categories of nonverbal communication, along with a
detailed list of signals. (Adam Blatner, M.D.)

02. Body Language: Understanding Nonverbal Communication - Particularly as it applies to the workplace.
(MindTools)

03. Take Control of Your Nonverbal Communication (video) - How to notice and use body language.
(Harvard Business Review)

04. The Importance of Nonverbal Communication (PDF) - Piece by Edward G. Wertheim, Ph.D. about the
communication process. (Northeastern University)

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm

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