Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?

Level 3: Advanced

1
  Warmer

a. How can you describe healthy and unhealthy relationships? Write adjectives in the chart.

Healthy relationships Unhealthy relationships

2
  Key words

a. Match the words to the correct definitions below. Then, find and highlight them in the article to
read them in context.
1. a person who is often annoyed and angry a. happy-go-lucky

2. when two or more things become similar or merge b. upbeat

3. not caring or worrying about the future c. grump

4. copy how someone speaks, moves, behaves, etc. d. mimic

5. positive and enthusiastic e. convergence

6. happy, excited, or pleased f. dip

7. the length of time for which a person, animal, or thing exists g. gleeful

8. the way two or more things or people affect each other h. reluctant

9. a decrease in the amount or success of something, usually for a i. interplay

short time

10. not willing to do something and therefore slow to do it j. lifespan

11. something used to represent something else that you want to measure k. contagious
or calculate

12. with little or no hope for the future l. dynamic

13. the way people or things behave and react to each other in a m. proxy
particular situation

14. describing a disease that can be caught by another person or a person n. bleak
with such a disease

15. a situation in which something is not likely to move or change o. stability

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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 3: Advanced
b. Complete the sentences with words from the previous activity. You might have to change the
form of the word.

1. The between life and art is well established.

2. The toddler was to try the new food and pushed it away.

3. The common cold, the flu, and COVID-19 are all diseases.

4. Giant tortoises have an average of over 100 years!

5. Their family is very loving and supportive.

6. When I’m sad, I listen to music that cheers me up.

7. After the very hot summer, everyone welcomed the

in the temperature.

8. That customer is a . He’s always complaining about something.

9. In their relationship, a gift was a for an apology.

10. can help lower people’s stress levels and enable them to enjoy
their lives more.

11. The child’s attitude made everyone else happy too.

12. Some octopuses can other sea creatures such as jellyfish, lionfish,
and sea snakes.

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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 3: Advanced
A study shows the more positive 5 Stavrova said the findings probably stem from
person is ‘dragged down’ by the types of interactions that couples have over
time. You share what happens in your day and
an unhappier partner – but how you feel with your partner. If one person
relationships are still beneficial is always negative, it can bring the other one
overall down. In another study, researchers followed
couples over a few weeks and found that
Shayla Love
negative emotions are more commonly passed
13 December, 2023 back and forth than positive ones.
1 When I meet a friend’s new partner for the first 6 “The idea that we soak up inputs from the
time, I desperately want to like them. I hope people that we spend our time with is important
they’re generally pleasant to be around – not to understanding how relationships shape
just for my sake, but for my friend’s. When health and wellbeing across the lifespan,”
people date someone who is miserable, it can said Darby Saxbe, a clinical psychologist and
rub off on them. Maybe you have had that professor of psychology at the University of
happy-go-lucky, upbeat friend who starts dating Southern California, who wasn’t involved in
a grump, and gradually, they become one too. the new study.
2 Research shows that people often become 7 But the findings don’t necessarily mean
similar to those they spend a lot of time with. you should avoid people who seem slightly
Even strangers tend to mimic each other’s unhappy. You don’t need to find a partner who
movements and expressions, and studies have is super gleeful all the time or feel worried
shown that friends’, strangers’, and lovers’ about dragging others down. “I would be
heartbeats or brainwaves often sync up. In reluctant to say, ‘Don’t couple up with someone
romantic couples, a number of studies have who’s a downer,’” Saxbe said.
shown that they have similar well-being, both 8 The interplay of long-term relationships and
when they first start dating and also over time. well-being is more complicated than just this
3 “Convergence has been shown for different one factor. A large body of work consistently
characteristics like personality, lifestyle, daily finds that close relationships make people
activities, sports, nutrition, leisure and also healthier across our lifespans. If we were
wellbeing,” said Olga Stavrova, a professor of consistently affected by less happy partners,
psychology at the University of Lübeck. So if there wouldn’t be so much evidence that
two people date and become more similar to relationships are overall beneficial.
each other, who becomes more like who? In 9 Saxbe, who trained as a couples therapist, said
a recent paper co-authored by Stavrova, she that the way couples affect each other’s mood
went after this very question. She said she can vary. If one partner comes home from work
wanted to understand if the happier person in each day upset, Saxbe has seen toxic stress
a couple is “dragged down” or if the unhappier be “contagious”: the other person is drawn
person is “lifted up”. into a negative emotional state. But if a couple
4 She looked at data from more than 20,000 has a healthy emotional dynamic, one partner
can help to calm the other down, and they can
German and Dutch couples who were followed
co-regulate together.
for 37 and 14 years, respectively, focusing only
on couples that differed in well-being at the 10 Happiness is not the only thing that matters in
beginning of their relationships. Within each relationships. For example, parents often report
partnership, if one person started out saying low moods and low well-being when they’re
they had higher well-being and life satisfaction with their children, but when you ask them if
than the other, they experienced declines in they are happy they had children, they still say
their well-being over time. The person with yes. “Your momentary mood is just one proxy
lower well-being might experience a small for your wellbeing,” Saxbe said.
increase in happiness but often didn’t improve
at all. And the satisfied person’s dip was
always greater than any improvement in the
unsatisfied person.
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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 3: Advanced
11 Stavrova said that despite her team’s findings
sounding bleak, she can’t comment on whether
this convergence is always a bad thing, even
when one partner’s well-being decreases.
Having similar traits or behaviours to your
partner can lead to more relationship stability;
when people have high satisfaction gaps in
their first year of marriage, it increases the
chances of them getting divorced later.
12 You don’t have to choose to date someone
who is sunny all the time, but you should
be aware that they will probably affect you
over time. You’re making sense of the world
together, with its ups and downs, Stavrova
said. Having a partner with a resilient
temperament is probably going to matter more
for quality of life.
13 “It’s not so much, ‘Do you never experience
dips in wellbeing? or ‘Do you not encounter
frustrations?’” Saxbe said. “What’s more
important is: how do you recover?”
© Guardian News and Media 2023
First published in The Guardian, 13/12/2023

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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 3: Advanced

3
  Comprehension check

a. Answer the questions using information from the article.

1. What happens to people who spend a lot of time together?

2. What two things often “sync up”, according to studies?

3. How many couples were part of the study?

4. How long were the German and Dutch couples followed, respectively?

5. What did the researchers notice about well-being and life satisfaction for these couples?

6. What did the researchers find about negative and positive emotions among couples?

7. What does a large body of work find about close relationships?

8. What are two ways couples can affect each other’s moods?

9. What do parents often report about their children?

10. What does having similar traits and behaviours to your partner lead to?

4
  Key language

a. Write each phrasal verb from the article next to its definition.

drag down     lift up     rub off on     soak up     stem from     sync up

1. become part of a person’s character as a result of that person

spending time with somebody who has those qualities

2. lighten someone’s mood or make them feel better emotionally

3. happen at the same time or move at the same speed as something

4. be the result of something

5. take in and hold liquid

6. make somebody feel weak or unhappy

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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 3: Advanced
b. Complete the sentences using the phrasal verbs above. You may need to change the
verb form.

1. Her mother’s illness was difficult to cope with, and it her

.

2. Spending time with loved ones after a long time apart can really you
.

3. His brother’s love of video games him.

4. Did you your watch, phone, and computer?

5. His interest in cooking largely spending time with his grandmother

after school.

6. Let the meat marinate overnight so it all the flavours.

c. Write personalised sentences using the phrasal verbs above.

5
  Discussion

a. Discuss these statements.

• “The only thing you can change is your reaction.”

• “Happiness is the most important thing in a relationship.”

• “In close relationships, you should hold back negative feelings to keep your partner happy.”

6
  In your own words

a. Do some research about emotional well-being in relationships.

• What are good ways to develop a healthy emotional dynamic?

• How can you release stress without making it “toxic” or “contagious”?

• What are healthy communication techniques?

• How can you recover from frustrations and dips in wellbeing?

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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 3: Advanced
b. Report your findings to the class and share your opinions. Here are some phrases to help you
when you discuss facts.

According to my research, …

One example is …

Some ways to do this are …

A technique you can try is …

Another possibility is …

Here are some phrases to use when stating your opinion.

I think (that) …

In my experience, …

From my perspective, …

In my understanding/opinion, …

I (dis)agree with …

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