Manly Manners

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A GUIDE TO MANLY MANNERS

by
Antonio Centeno
Copyright 2017 by Real Men Real Style
License Statement
This ebook is licensed for personal use only. This ebook may not be re-sold
or given away to other people
A Guide to Manly Manners – 2nd Edition – 2017 – Copyright Real Men Real Style
COPYRIGHT, LEGAL NOTICE AND DISCLAIMER
This publication is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all
other applicable international, federal, state and local laws, and all rights
are reserved, including resale rights: you are not allowed to give or sell
this Guide to anyone else.
Please note that much of this publication is based on personal experience

and anecdotal evidence. Although the author and publisher have made
every reasonable attempt to achieve complete accuracy of the content in
this Guide, they assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Also,
you should use this information as you see fit, and at your own risk. Your
particular situation may not be exactly suited to the examples illustrated
here; in fact, it's likely that they won't be the same, and you should adjust
your use of the information and recommendations accordingly.
Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are

assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only
for reference. There is no implied endorsement if we use one of these
terms.
Finally, use your head. Nothing in this Guide is intended to replace

common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice, and is meant
to inform and entertain the reader. So have fun and learn to dress sharp!
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Copyright, Legal Notice and Disclaimer

Table of Contents
Introduction
Manners vs. Etiquette: An Important Distinction
The Most Important Rule of All
Manners for Every Day
Eye Contact and Greeting on Public Streets
Basic Table Manners
The Minimums for Public Dressing
Hat Etiquette
Manners for the Office
Shared Property
Personal Communications
Business Dining
Office Protocols
Manners for a Night Out
All About Doors
Know When To Tip -- and How Much
Splitting a Check
Flirting and Dating
Manners for Visiting and Hosting
Attending a Party
Hosting a Party
Minding Your Manners Every Day: Good Common Sense
Recommended Products
INTRODUCTION
Manners. Who needs 'em?
Well, turns out everyone does.
Doing the right thing quickly, and with confidence, is one of the most
important parts of your appearance. Hesitate, wondering what the right
thing to do in a particular situation is, and you look like a follower
instead of a leader. Brashly do the wrong thing and you look like a bully
or a boor.
It's not always the most important thing in the world to know which
soup spoon you use first, or whether to walk outside or inside of your
date. But having the basic rules for those circumstances at the back of
your head -- and using a healthy dose of common sense wherever you
go -- can be the difference between a gentleman and just a guy.
MANNERS VS. ETIQUETTE: AN IMPORTANT

DISTINCTION
This is a guide to manners. In it, we'll

cover basic rules and expectations for
a wide range of social and professional
situations. Those specific, particular
guidelines are manners.
Etiquette is the broader sum of social

behaviors. It's the ability to carry
oneself in a thoughtful, respectful
manner, rather than a specific set of
rules.
All in all, that makes manners more

daunting for most men. Remembering
lots of individual rules seems
challenging. More importantly, it often
seems frivolous -- will anyone ever
care that much?
The answer is honestly yes. People like

feeling good, and a polite man makes
everyone feel good. By observing a few
small niceties you'll ensure that you're always remembered and well
thought-of.
Happily, most "rules" are more matters of common sense than they are
anything else. Behave respectfully and put other people's needs first and
you'll be doing the right thing 99 times out of 100.
But for those few odd moments where the right thing to do isn't
immediately clear, we've made this guide. It's broken up into sections by
specific social setting, and it addresses all the rules that might trip even
a well-meaning gentleman up.
The Most Important Rule of All
Are your actions making the lives of the people they affect better or
worse? Always strive for the former; always avoid the latter. This is the
essence of a gentleman. All the rest is just details.
Curious about proper manners at social events? Watch this video.
MANNERS FOR EVERY DAY
Not every situation is a definable one. We spend most of our lives going
from one place to another, or at home, or running small errands. In the
course of all your little tasks you'll inevitably run into other people.
Here are the simple rules for how to interact with them:
Eye Contact and Greeting on Public Streets
You're walking one way. Another man is coming toward you down the
sidewalk. Do you nod in greeting, or not?
The answer varies regionally and culturally. A one-sentence answer

would be convenient but misleading -- you may find yourself in a small
town where anything less than a spoken greeting would be considered
rude, and you may just as easily find yourself on the streets of New York
City where even passing eye contact is considered pushy.
But you can often make an educated guest based on the situation:
• If you and the person approaching you are mostly alone on the
street, a greeting is polite.
• If it's a very crowded street with people passing every second,

there's no need to try and greet them all. Just make your own way
politely, and return any nods you do get.
• Be more conservative at night, particularly when greeting anyone

travelling alone. The later it gets, the jumpier everyone feels about
a stranger speaking to them. Just smile and move past with plenty
of personal space.
Basic Table Manners
Table manners are usually where the most emphasis gets put on very
small, detailed rules, and there's really no reason for it to be that way.
Everything from a small family dinner to a black tie banquet can be
handled the same basic way:
• Find your place at a table by either looking for your name card or
waiting for the host or wait staff to seat you. Then stand by your
chair so that you can help any ladies seated next to you with
theirs, and wait until the host or hostess takes his/her seat to take
yours.
• Wait to start eating until the host or hostess has either started or
has told people to please go ahead. At very large banquets where
it takes time for each course to make its way up the table, it may
be appropriate to start eating once everyone at your table or

section has been served.
• Use your silverware from the outside in, one course at a time.
Anything placed above the plate is for dessert and coffee, and the
butter knife will usually be on or next to the bread plate. If the
setting includes a small fork on the right side (opposite the rest of
the forks) it is meant for shellfish.
• Hold red wine glasses by the bowl and white wine glasses by the
stem. It helps keep the wine at its optimal temperature.
• It is acceptable to tip bowls slightly to get the last few spoonfulls,

but tilt it away from you so that any splashes do not endanger
your clothes or the clothes of other diners.
• Elbows may be laid lightly on the table, but your weight should
never rest on them, particularly when you are actively eating.
• If you need to leave the table during the meal, a polite "Excuse
me" is all you need to say. Do not explain where you are going,
particularly if it is the bathroom.
• Wait for the host or hostess to rise before leaving the table.
Learn the basics of dining etiquette & table manners in this video.
The Minimums for Public Dressing
You don't have to whip out your good

dinner jacket for a run to the grocery
store, but no one takes a man in his
pajamas seriously. Observe a few basic
minimums for dressing like a functional
adult whenever you lose your house:
• Anything with stains or holes

should be reserved for chores
around the home.
• If you wear the same shirt or pair

of pants two days in a row, people
will notice. Even if you don't think
they will, they'll notice.
• Dress shirts aren't meant to be worn untucked. Get a softer cotton

work shirt with a shorter, even-length hem if you're going to wear
it untucked.
• Leathers should match, whether you're wearing black or brown.
• If your pants have belt loops, wear a belt.
• Well-fitted trousers should hide your socks entirely when you

stand.
• If you wear a jacket, put a pocket square in the left breast pocket.
This demonstrates basic fashion competence.
Hat Etiquette
Hats look great on guys; they also

often confuse guys. The rules aren't
actually that hard:
• Remove your hat when being

introduced to someone, or
when greeting a member of the
opposite sex.
• Remove your hat when you sit

down, and when you enter a
building where you intend to
sit down (such as a restaurant
or a theater). Always remove it
when entering a private
residence.
• Hats may stay on in most public buildings where you are not
being seated (stores, etc.)
• It is not necessary to remove your hat in a bar. However, if you sit

to converse with a member of the opposite sex, remove it.
MANNERS FOR THE OFFICE
Good manners at work are happily consistent. A selfish jerk is a selfish

jerk, whether he's wearing coveralls at the grease pit or a three-piece
suit at the bar. And it's easy not to be that guy:
Shared Property
"The tragedy of the commons" should always be avoided in the

workplace. Any shared resource needs to be treated with respect, and a
gentleman should always strive to leave any piece of equipment in
better shape than he found it.
• If you take the last cup of coffee, make another pot. If co-workers
take turns bringing beans in, don't try to avoid your turn, and
bring something nicer than the bargain brand.
• You dirty a dish,

you wash the dish.
Then you dry it and
put it away. The job
isn't done until it's
back where it came
from.
• Cover your food

with an unsealed
lid or a paper towel
when you use the
microwave. Clean
any spills or spatters immediately, as they will cook on and
harden over multiple uses.
• Restock printers and copy machines after using them. Don't wait
for it to run out -- every time you make the trip, stick an inch or
two of paper in the tray to top it off.
Personal Communications
Barring high turnover rates, you're stuck with your co-workers. Being
pleasant to them isn't just the right thing to do, it's vital to your
happiness and theirs. Avoid causing friction by speaking like a
gentleman:
• If you're raising your voice, you're probably wrong about what

you're saying. Take the time to cool off before speaking again.
• Never swear. Even if it's common and accepted in your workplace

you don't want the habit following you elsewhere. More
importantly, the words are basically meaningless filler, and over

time they teach people that a lot of what you say can be ignored.
• Bosses are bosses. Even if you're on friendly terms, follow their

directions and don't talk too familiarly inside the office. Show a
little deference. If you have to disagree, do so politely and
formally rather than appealing to your friendship.
• Keep your personal conversations to a minimum and your voice

low if you work in a cubicle or other open office environment.
Other people are trying to work.
• When you leave a job, do it graciously and resist the temptation to

burn bridges with people you never liked. There's no reason to go
out of your way to make their day worse -- and you never know
when you're going to see them again.
Get some tips on office manners. Watch this video.
Business Dining
A lot of business takes place over food. Observe basic good table
manners, and also remember that you're still in a "workplace." Behave
like it.
• Personal conversation or "small talk" is typical up until orders are

placed. Wait for the person who set the event up to make the
segue (phrases like "let's get down to business" are good tip-offs)
before bringing up any business matters.
• Don't order the most expensive thing on the menu. If it's on

someone else's dime it's rude, and if you're paying your own
check it makes you look profligate. You don't have to starve
yourself, but exercise a little restraint.
• It is never mandatory to order an alcoholic beverage, and more

than two will likely be bad for whatever business you happen to
be conducting.
• Typically the person who issues the invitation will pay the bill.
You do not need to offer to split. Similarly, if you invite people to a
business meal, don't ask them to split the check with you, and if
they offer, decline.
• It's always worth wearing at least a jacket to a business outing,

even a casual lunch.
Office Protocols
There are a few odd rules of business that don't apply anywhere else,
and that even contradict some commonly-held manners:
• While it is usually polite to help with a lady's chair when she sits
or stands, you do not do this in business settings. Let everyone
handle their own chair unless there is a physical need for
assistance.
• Gifts should never be exchanged in a business environment.

Personal gifts to business friends around the holidays, or as a
hostess gift if they invite you to your house, are appropriate, but
never anything of excessive value.
How do you make an online introduction? Get tips from this video.
• Business conversations should never be held in an elevator. You

don't know who's going to get on or off, and you don't want to
seem self-absorbed to the other passengers regardless.
Lapse into a polite silence or bring up something casual and non-

business-related for the duration of the ride.
• Handshakes aren't a way to impress the other person with your

power. Grip firmly, make eye contact, and shake once. More than
that looks like you're trying too hard to impress.
Just use one hand; touching the other person's arm with your free
hand is too intimate for most business settings.
MANNERS FOR A NIGHT OUT
Whether it's with a first

date, your wife of fifty
years, or a group of friends,
a social outing is the perfect
time and place to be a
gentleman. You're right
there with a small and
intimate group whose good
time will be directly
influenced by your
behavior. Go the extra mile
to make their experience a
good one.
All About Doors

Men who ask us about etiquette hate the door question.
Who goes first, do you hold it for strangers or just the person you're
with, what about revolving doors...it's a daunting subject.
But happily, the "rules" are really more common sense than anything
else.
• The ultimate goal is always to make things easier for everyone.
If following a "rule" would mean diving across people, knocking

over packages, pushing doormen aside, etc., there's no reason to
do it.
• In general, hold regular

swinging doors for your
companions and anyone who
happens to get there at the
same time as you. There's no
need to stand there holding it
for more people after that.
• Doors to public buildings

almost always open outward
(it's fire code in most places).
That means it's best to be a
half-step or so ahead of
everyone, with the door
handle in easy arm's reach.
That way you can take the
handle, pivot, and swing the
door open without forcing anyone to an awkward stop.
• Enter revolving doors first. That way you can give a small push to
do the hard work of starting the door's movement. Always wait
for an empty section of the door so that you're not crowding
anyone else's personal space.
• If you happen to be in a bad position to grab a door, let a

companion do it without making a show of trying for it. You can
get the next one.
Know When To Tip -- and How Much
Tipping was originally purely a gesture of thanks for good service.

Unfortunately, it's now a calculated part of many professions' wages.
That means that people are actually dependent on tips, rather than
merely grateful for them. Being a gentleman means knowing the
expected amount that's essentially the worker's wage -- and then
tipping beyond that if the service merited thanks.
• Always carry $10-20 in small bills specifically for tips when you
go out on the town. It makes tipping infinitely easier, and makes
you look prepared.
• The table waiter at a restaurant should always be tipped 15% of
the before-tax bill. For good service or specific requests, up it to
20%. Anything beyond that is a generous gesture.
Here’s a video on how to tip correctly:
• Taxi drivers or chauffeurs (in the case of a hired car/limo, not a

permanent employee) should also be tipped 15%. In the case of a
small taxi fare, round up as needed so that you're not tipping less
than a dollar or two. Handing someone pocket change as a tip is
just insulting.
• Valets should be tipped a dollar or two when they bring the car
around. Anything more than $5 is extravagant.
• Bartenders can be tipped 15% of the final bill, or if you're paying

as you go one to two dollars per drink. If you plan to stay at a bar
for a long time, it's always a good idea to open with a $5 tip and
then drop down to the usual amount.
• If you use a coat check, tip a dollar per item when you retrieve
them.
• Washroom attendants often have a plate for coins, in which case

fifty cents or so is appropriate. If there is no plate and cash has to
be exchanged directly, tip a dollar. Again, handing people pocket
change just feels petty.
• If you ask the wine steward for specific help, tip him 15% of the
wine bill when you stand to leave. If he doesn't happen to be
around, ask the maître d' to send him your way.
• Speaking of the maître d' -- you don't need to tip him/her, and you
should never do it before being seated in the hopes of getting a
better table. This is one of those awkward gestures that makes
polite people wince.
• If someone calls/hails a cab for you, tip that person a couple

dollars.
• Never under-tip to show irritation. Tip the base expected amount

and then write a note or speak to the manager privately the next
day. (Asking pointedly to speak to the manager then and there is
also unacceptable.)
How do you tip at hotels? Check out this video to find out.
Splitting a Check
There's nothing more disheartening than watching well-educated

grown-ups stumble through splitting a check like a math test they didn't
study for. Being prepared and decisive will help you get the whole group
through painlessly:
• Always have enough cash on hand for any venue you plan to visit.
A good helping of small bills will help people who didn't have your
foresight make change, especially if they end up relying on $20s
from an ATM.
• If you know the bill is going to be split and your party is small
(four or less), it's acceptable to ask your server before he/she
takes your order if the check can be split for you. This usually isn't
too much trouble as long as the party is small and the request is
made before anything is entered into the system.
• Larger parties should not request a split check. It's an

unnecessary burden on the server (and may cause difficulties if
they use a system that applies an automatic gratuity to parties of
six or more, as many do).
• When the check comes, take it, figure your bill, and put as close to
the exact amount as possible on the tray or folder. Then pass it to
the next person paying. Don't forget to figure your own share of
tax and tip, always rounding up.
• If other people at the table can't seem to do the math, it is

acceptable to ask "Would you like me to give you a hand?" If they
say yes, go ahead and figure it for them. Again, be sure to include
tax and tip on their total, rounding up.
• If the finished pile of cash comes up short, don't make a big show
of figuring out who miscalculated. Give the table a moment for
someone to realize their mistake, and if no one speaks up, cover
the extra few bucks yourself. Someone else will do the same for
you some day.
• While it is possible to hand a waiter multiple people's credit cards

and a single bill, with the various items circled and connected
with arrows to the various credit card numbers, it is also bad form
and makes your entire party look inept.
Flirting and Dating
Few outings are more fraught than a

romantic one. A single gentleman just
starting to date or one whose
relationship is growing more serious
both need to observe specific courtesies
of courtship:
• There's nothing wrong with

striking up a conversation with a
stranger at a bar or a concert, but if
they're giving short answers and
not engaging you, it's a signal that
your advances aren't appreciated.
And, obviously, take a quick look
for wedding rings before starting
anything that could be perceived as flirting.
• Do the little things for a date: hold doors for her, help her take her
coat off it (and check it if relevant); hold her chair for her when
she sits and stands.
• In general, do not order for your date. It may be appropriate

between long-standing and intimate couples who know each
other's habits, but it is presumptuous and condescending in the
early stages of a relationship.
• Typically, whoever extends the invitation pays the check. Don't

make a show of always paying for everything. If someone invites
you to dinner, let them pay, and reciprocate by extending an
invitation of you own, whether it's to another dinner or a show

later that same evening or something else entirely.
• Flowers are not necessary, but I've yet to meet someone who was
genuinely displeased to receive them.
• Dress like you care about it. At a minimum, you should probably
be wearing a jacket, unless the date is in a very casual setting.
• If you're on a date anywhere with live music and a dance floor

(whether you planned on it or not), you need to ask your date to
dance at least once. Don't go to places with dance floors if you're
unwilling to do this.
• If a good-night kiss on the first date is desired, it will be very clear

to you. Let the moment happen naturally, but don't go for one if it
doesn't come up, and don't ruin the moment by suggesting
anything more intimate.
MANNERS FOR VISITING AND HOSTING
Throwing a party and attending one are two sides of the same coin. Both
are the art of helping an event flow smoothly without making yourself
the center of attention. In either case your goal is the same: show
appreciation for your friends and encourage them to have the best time
possible.
Attending a Party
• If the invitation says "RSVP," do so, promptly.
• When attending a party at someone's house, bring a small

"hostess gift." A nice box of chocolates or a bottle of good wine are
always appropriate, as are small household items like a pair of
glasses or a set of coasters.
• Arrive at least five minutes after the official invitation time, but no
later than half an hour. Arriving early may interrupt last-minute
preparations that your host would rather not have you see, while
showing up excessively late is always rude.
• Observe whatever dress code is relevant. When in doubt, ask

other guests or the hosts beforehand.
• Shoes on or shoes off is always an awkward question in a private

home. Your hosts will hopefully meet you at the door -- take a
quick look and follow their example. If you do wear your shoes
into the house, make sure they're wiped clean.
• Avoid making any toasts, speeches, or other displays that demand

attention from other guests unless you have been specifically
asked to.
• Thank your hosts for inviting you when you arrive, thank them for
the lovely time when you leave, and thank them for both in
writing the next day.
Hosting a Party
• A good invitation should

include the following
information: time, place,
contact information, dress
code if relevant, and the
times for any specifically-
scheduled events. If you
expect RSVPs, use those
letters prominently.
• Always plan on about 10-

20% more guests than you
receive RSVPs from even if
you did put it on the
invitation.
• Never invite people to something they have to pay for themselves.

If your party involves a meal or entertainment, you are
responsible for the bill.
• Welcome people at the door and let them know what to do with
their coats and footwear. If you're expecting people to be
reasonably well-dressed it's usually best to plan on everyone
keeping their shoes on -- women in particular may not care for
wearing their good dresses and hose in stocking feet.
MINDING YOUR MANNERS EVERY DAY: GOOD

COMMON SENSE
For a lengthy list of rules, everything we've said here is remarkably easy
to perform in your day to day life. They're really nothing more than a
good set of suggestions for making everyone's life easier and more
pleasant.
Remember the fundamental rule of good manners:
Are your actions making the lives of the people they affect better or
worse? Always strive for the former; always avoid the latter.
The small things count. But they count because they're part of the big,
important idea that is being a true gentleman.
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Click Here To Return To The Table Of Contents

A GUIDE TO MANLY MANNERS

Copyright 2017 by Real Men Real Style

COPYRIGHT, LEGAL NOTICE AND DISCLAIMER

Please note that much of this publication is based on personal experience

Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are

Finally, use your head. Nothing in this Guide is intended to replace

Copyright, Legal Notice and Disclaimer

Manners. Who needs 'em?

Well, turns out everyone does.

MANNERS VS. ETIQUETTE: AN IMPORTANT

This is a guide to manners. In it, we'll

Etiquette is the broader sum of social

All in all, that makes manners more

The answer is honestly yes. People like

The Most Important Rule of All

Curious about proper manners at social events? Watch this video.

MANNERS FOR EVERY DAY

Eye Contact and Greeting on Public Streets

The answer varies regionally and culturally. A one-sentence answer

• If it's a very crowded street with people passing every second,

• Be more conservative at night, particularly when greeting anyone

Basic Table Manners

be appropriate to start eating once everyone at your table or

• It is acceptable to tip bowls slightly to get the last few spoonfulls,

The Minimums for Public Dressing

You don't have to whip out your good

• Anything with stains or holes

• If you wear the same shirt or pair

• Dress shirts aren't meant to be worn untucked. Get a softer cotton

• Leathers should match, whether you're wearing black or brown.

• If your pants have belt loops, wear a belt.

• Well-fitted trousers should hide your socks entirely when you

Hats look great on guys; they also

• Remove your hat when being

• Remove your hat when you sit

• It is not necessary to remove your hat in a bar. However, if you sit

MANNERS FOR THE OFFICE

Good manners at work are happily consistent. A selfish jerk is a selfish

"The tragedy of the commons" should always be avoided in the

• You dirty a dish,

• Cover your food

• If you're raising your voice, you're probably wrong about what

• Never swear. Even if it's common and accepted in your workplace

importantly, the words are basically meaningless filler, and over

• Bosses are bosses. Even if you're on friendly terms, follow their

• Keep your personal conversations to a minimum and your voice

• When you leave a job, do it graciously and resist the temptation to

Get some tips on office manners. Watch this video.

• Personal conversation or "small talk" is typical up until orders are

• Don't order the most expensive thing on the menu. If it's on

• It is never mandatory to order an alcoholic beverage, and more

• It's always worth wearing at least a jacket to a business outing,

• Gifts should never be exchanged in a business environment.

• Business conversations should never be held in an elevator. You

Lapse into a polite silence or bring up something casual and non-

• Handshakes aren't a way to impress the other person with your

MANNERS FOR A NIGHT OUT

Whether it's with a first

All About Doors