SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY

MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES
4-7 Years-old
SUPERHERO (ANY GENDER)
I've always dreamed of being a hero. I've tried everything to become super. I let a spider bite
me... no spider powers; just lots of itching. I tried standing too close to the microwave oven
hoping the radiation would change me. Nothing. And I got in trouble for making so many bags of
popcorn. But I took it all to school and had a popcorn party. I was a hero that day. So I guess it
kinda worked.

LOVE BUG (ANY GENDER)

My Mommy saw a spider this morning. She screamed really loud and started jumping up and
down yelling (Actor starts acting this out, pretending to be mom. Jump up and down and point
finger at the spider) Frank! Frank! Giant bug! Hurry Frank! Frank is my Daddy. He was in the
bathroom So I asked Mommy what was wrong and she said I hate bugs! Hate bugs? Bugs are
great! They have big eyes and lots of little legs to skitter around on. (Place hands on hips)

MY PRINCESS LIFE (GIRLS)

I’m a Princess. Seriously have a crown, a throne room and a bunch of weird ancestors who
liked to chop other people’s heads off a lot. (Insert an oops type of face here) My parents, the King
and Queen, give me anything I want. A pony, the latest iphone, a closet full of designer clothes,
my own water park – anything my heart desires. It all sounds great doesn’t it? Trust me, it’s not.
(Clench fists in anger) I hate being a Princess!

LOST MY FIRST TOOTH (ANY GENDER AGE 6+)

Dear Tooth Fairy. Today I lost my first tooth. My mom told me that if put my tooth under my
pillow, you would visit me while I was sleeping and leave me a dollar. (put hands on hips with
attitude) A dollar? Seriously? Can’t you do better than that? (Look up thinking) Let’s see, what would
I like? Hmm. It would be fun to have a super power. I could fly through the sky rescuing kittens
and trouncing the bad guys. Superkid to the rescue! (Stand with hands on hips, chin up very bold and
brave.) That would be nice but what I would really, really like is a pony. Now, I know he might be
a little difficult to fit under my pillow, but I have faith in you. (nod head decisively) Yes, that’s my
wish. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to meet my new pony! I think I’ll call him Spunky!

MUD PUDDLE (ANY GENDER)

If you push me in that mud puddle one more time, I’m gonna…I’m gonna…my mommy said
calling people a Poopy-Head is not a nice thing to do, but you are not doing a nice thing to me,
so I just might have to call you that. And yeah, so I have mud on me now, but it’s not poop, and
having poop on your head is a lot grosser!
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES (cont.)
4-7 Years-old
GIGGLER (ANY GENDER)
(Giggling) I'm a giggler. I admit it. I giggle all the time. I guess you could say I'm a very happy
person. But my Mommy says I giggle too much and in all the wrong places. So I have to stop
giggling. Hmm. I could try to think of something really sad like a puppy with a broken leg. (Sad
face). I'm sad. I really am. (Sigh) This isn't working. I have to stop giggling. I guess I giggle when
I'm happy, or sad, and even when I'm scared. What can I say? I'm a giggler.

TINKERBELL (GIRLS)
I almost disappeared. Me! Tinkerbelle! The world's most adorable fairy. (Cutesy pose) And do you
want to know why? Someone didn't believe in fairies. (Point to audience member) Was it you? (Point
to another audience member) You? (Raise arms dramatically up into the air) What is this world coming to?
How could anyone not believe in fairies? I mean hello. Just look at me. Wings? (Flitter hands as if
they were little wings) Check. Fairy dust? (Flick arm as if throwing fairy dust in the air) Check. Sassy fairy
attitude? (Put hands on hips, cocking head to one side) Check. See? I'm a fairy and I'm very real. Now
promise me. (Very earnest expression with clasped hands) When you go to bed tonight, before you fall
asleep repeat this phrase three times, l do believe in fairies. I do believe in fairies. I do believe in
fairies. And never forget. Fairies are depending on you. After all, do you really want to be
responsible for this? (Actress gives dramatic fall to stage, coughs and dies dramatically. Then pops her head up
and smiles and says) Remember, you do believe in fairies. (Actress smiles, winks and then lays back down
dramatically)

DADDY’S PRINCESS (GIRLS)

My Daddy says I'm his little Princess. A Princess? Really? I love being a Princess. Princesses
are always pretty, perky and very, very brave. I wonder why no one ever told me this before! Of
course, being a Princess is a big responsibility. Sometimes we get captured by bad magicians.
Let me go you evil villain! And sometimes we have to kiss a Prince. (Looks disgusted) Maybe I can
skip that part. But other than that, being a Princess is great! (Pause and makes a thinking face) I
wonder when I get my crown?
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

COMMERCIALS
4-7 Years-old
CHEERIOS
I love Cheerios! They're healthy for your heart and they still taste great! They are a powerful part
of a healthy breakfast to give you energy and help you grow. Cheerios, great brain food for kids
of any age!

OREO COOKIES
I love Oreo cookies. Today I went downstairs and poured myself a big glass of milk to dip my
cookies in. When I went to the cookie jar, it was empty. Big brothers stink. Got cookies?

BAND-AID
Want to see the cut under my Band-Aid bandage? Mommy says to keep it covered so it will
heal. (Peels off Band-Aid notices the injury is gone and makes a face of shock) Hey! Where did it go? It really
was right here!

O’CHARLEY’S
I love chicken fingers! At O'Charley’s, big kids like me can eat for free. My dad likes that. So try
out O'Charley’s, and don't forget the honey mustard!

MILK
My favorite thing to drink is Milk, but I stopped drinking it for 2 whole weeks! My mom asked
why, and I told her it was because Dad said that Milk will make me big and strong and put lots of
hair on my chest. I got scared because I don't want a hairy chest and back like Daddy. Mom
said, he got that from Grandpa, not milk. Milk, does a body good!

KRAFT
I really like noodles, but I like cheese even more. That's why I LOVE Kraft Macaroni and
Cheese. Who knew there could be so much cheese in one little box? Kraft Macaroni and
Cheese, it's the cheesiest!

LEGOS
I want to build houses when I grow up, so I practice now with my LEGOs. I can build a different
house every day so that I can learn how to build like my Daddy. LEGOs are awesome!

SPEGHETTIOS
My teacher asked me what my favorite food is. So I said, Spaghettio's! She said Spaghetti-
who's? And I said, Spaghettio's! My mom works really hard to make my favorite food,
Spaghettio's.

BIGBIRD BUBBLES
I don’t cry anymore when I have to take a bath. She has to beg me to get out thanks to Big Bird
Bubbles. Now if I could only figure out why I come out so wrinkly.
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES
8-12 Years-old
ANOTHER SISTER (ANY GENDER)
Another sister?! Who asked you if I wanted a sister?! I already have three! What, you feel the
need to add to your collection? Mom--Dad let's stop and really talk about this. I thought we had
a good thing going ya know? You, me, after all the girls are gone.….just me. Remember that? I
mean, ma--I hate to state the obvious, but don't you think you're a little old to be chasing after 5
kids? And girls? Have you thought of the wedding bills, dad? Honestly, I'm disappointed in both
of you. My life is over!

AUNT SALLY’S (ANY GENDER)

I don't care if it's my cousin’s birthday. No mom, no no! You remember what happened the last
time we went to Aunt Sally’s. They set me on fire. I'm an actor. And sure last time it was just my
pants. But what if next time it's my face? This is the money maker. This is how I get the jobs. I'm
not that good of an actor. I know that and I'm big enough to admit it. Don't you look at me like
that. Don't you look at me! Fine fine. I'll go. But one thing happens and I'm gone.

TALKING YOUR WAY OUT OF TROUBLE (ANY GENDER)

Where to start? Mom, you're lookin good, have you lost weight? and Dad--Wow, you macho
beast…I think you're actually looking younger! Now the house may look a wreck, but before you
say anything, let's just calm down and discuss this like mature adults. Don't worry I'll fake it.
LISTEN, that vase was already broken, and I thought the kitchen needed a new paint job, you
don't like it? Maybe it'll grow on you. I can tell this is more than you can take right now…I'll let
you two be alone, We'll catch up later! Say no more, say no more, you don't have to worry about
a thing. I will ALWAYS be here to make sure nobody's bothering you...you can be alone. You
won't even know I'm here, it'll be like you're still on vacation (hesitant)…anyone for Monopoly?

CONVERSATION WITH AN ALIEN (ANY GENDER)

Hello, good alien. Please sit, Care for some tea? So, my friend. What kind of tea do you like? I
can generate any number of flavors. Nothing? So savage. I know none of this means anything
to you but I simply need your handprint. It says you agree to the GCC and your planet and all
the resources here will belong to us. In return, we give you this shiny new GCC badge! Each
one is uniquely engraved with an unduplicated number and a holographic image of our supreme
leader. It sparkles!

BUZZ LIGHTYEAR (ANY GENDER)

Why would Andy want you? Look at you! You're a Buzz Lightyear. Why, any toy would give up
his moving parts just to be you. You have wings, you can talk, you glow in the dark. Your helmet
does that cool Whoosh thing, You're a cool toy. As a matter of fact, you're too cool. What
chance does a toy like me have against a Buzz Lightyear Action Figure. And now you've taken
the seat of honor on Andy's pillow. That used to be my spot. So I don't want to hear any more
complaining from you!
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES (cont.)
8-12 Years-old
HOMEWORK STINKS (ANY GENDER)
I think homework stinks. Seriously, who came up with this stuff? Kindergarten was great: I went
to school, played most of the day, had naptime, painted a picture, and then played some more.
Then I went home with no homework, and played again! But now that I'm in (fill in grade), I have
homework and if you ask me, it stinks! The teacher says it will keep my mind active. Trust me; I
have plenty to keep my mind active…like that spelling test she's making me take on Friday!

FABOULOUS ME (GIRLS)
Parents! (Big sigh) When will they learn? You see, there's going to be a new baby in our house.
Another little girl. My Mom is worried that I'm going to be jealous and suffer (use quote fingers)
abandonment issues (Dramatic voice with spreading arms gesture) Puh-leaze. Do they know me? I
know how fabulous I am. (Pause and think) Of course I will have to show her the ropes when she
gets old enough. Bringing up parents properly takes a lot of work. But my rules are fairly simple:
Number 1. Always be polite. You can get ANYTHING if you ask the right way. (Sweet pleading
voice, clasp hands and look innocent) Mother may I please, please have a pony? It will teach me ever
so much about responsibility. (Change voice) Parents really like it when you learn life lessons.
Number 2. Never compromise. Parents are ALWAYS trying to offer trade-offs. (Talk like a parent) lf
you eat all your vegetables, we can go to the park. If you clean your room, you can watch tv.
(Change voice with arm gesture) What do I look like a stock market broker?
Number 3. And always be adorable. If all else fails, bring out the puppy dog eyes. (Big innocent
eyes) After all, how can anyone resist this face?
So my parents really don't need to be so concerned. A new baby in the house? No worries. Just
another person to enjoy fabulous me.

YOUTUBE SENSATION (ANY GENDER)

It's time for me to become a star. I mean, I love to act. It's my all-consuming passion but lately
everybody else seems to be becoming famous before me. What's up with that? Clearly, I need
to step up my game. I considered my options. I'm a little too young to go on a reality show
though I Would totally win America's Got Talent. I could be discovered by Disney! I'm cute, I'm
perky. Yes, that's the answer. I'll post a video on Youtube. Why, I'll go viral before you know it.
Look at me! Youtube Sensation!

TERRIBLE DAY (BOYS)

I am having a terrible day. Everything is going wrong. At school the teacher said the most
dreaded words in the English language. Pop quiz! My mind went totally blank. And that was just
the beginning. I spilled spaghetti sauce all over my new shirt at lunch so that I spent the rest of
the day looking like I just got shot in the chest!... I can't stand it! I'm having such a bad day.
(Resigned expression of doom) Just call me Charlie Brown.
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES (cont.)
8-12 Years-old
TINKERBELL (GIRLS)
I almost disappeared. Me! Tinkerbelle! The world's most adorable fairy. (Cutesy pose) And do you
want to know why? Someone didn't believe in fairies. (Point to audience member) Was it you? (Point
to another audience member) You? (Raise arms dramatically up into the air) What is this world coming to?
How could anyone not believe in fairies? I mean hello. Just look at me. Wings? (Flitter hands as if
they were little wings) Check. Fairy dust? (Flick arm as if throwing fairy dust in the air) Check. Sassy fairy
attitude? (Put hands on hips, cocking head to one side) Check. See? I'm a fairy and I'm very real. Now
promise me. (Very earnest expression with clasped hands) When you go to bed tonight, before you fall
asleep repeat this phrase three times, l do believe in fairies. I do believe in fairies. I do believe in
fairies. And never forget. Fairies are depending on you. After all, do you really want to be
responsible for this? (Actress gives dramatic fall to stage, coughs and dies dramatically. Then pops her head up
and smiles and says) Remember, you do believe in fairies. (Actress smiles, winks and then lays back down
dramatically)

VALENTINE’S DAY (ANY GENDER)

Well it's almost that time of year again. Valentine's Day, and my teacher is going to once again
FORCE me to write a Valentine's Day card to everyone in my class. Why do I have to give a
card to the kid who pushed me down at recess, and made fun of me? And am I supposed to
believe that they REALLLY want to be my Valentine? …... My older sister thinks that this is
where kids first learn to lie about their feelings in a relationship. She said it helps us prepare for
marriage.…. (shrugs shoulders) whatever THAT means!

TOOTH FAIRY (ANY GENDER)

I lost a tooth the other day, and my mom told me to put it under my pillow and that in the middle
of the night the Tooth Fairy would come in and take my tooth and replace it with some cash,
OK... so I have some questions and concerns here.

1. What does this little tooth freak do with all of these teeth?
2. How does this little tooth-collecting creep get from place to place? I mean I get how
Santa gets around, but at least he has a route...
3. If this Fairy is touching other people’s teeth each night….. what about the germs? …
ewwwwww... gross……. This fairy is touching a bunch of nasty teeth and then touching my
pillow??

From now on when I lose a tooth.…I am leaving some anti-bacterial hand sanitizer under my
pillow.

GIGGLER (ANY GENDER) (8-10 YEARS-OLD)

(Giggling) I'm a giggler. I admit it. I giggle all the time. I guess you could say I'm a very happy
person. But my Mom says I giggle too much and in all the wrong places. So I have to stop
giggling. Hmm. I could try to think of something really sad like a puppy with a broken leg. (Sad
face). I'm sad. I really am. (Sigh) This isn't working. I have to stop giggling. I guess I giggle when
I'm happy, or sad, and even when I'm scared. What can I say? I'm a giggler.
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES (cont.)
8-12 Years-old
NEVER GOING FISHING AGAIN (ANY GENDER)
You won’t believe what happened to me today! You know my dad's a policeman, right? Well, he
took me fishing and we went in a boat on the lake. And were waiting and waiting when
suddenly, I got a big bite! And then my dad got one too. My fish was almost bending my rod in
half and my dad couldn't help me because he was reeling in HIS fish. My fish was so strong that
suddenly it pulled me into the water! The next thing I know, my dad grabbed me and helped me
back into the boat. And he was holding his gun, looking to shoot the fish! I was scared to death.
Well he couldn't see it anywhere so he grabbed his rod and reeled it in, and ya know what he
caught? MY ROD! Our fishing lines were tangled together in a big knot. There NEVER was a
fish. It was my dad who yanked me into the lake! My OWN dad! I'm never going fishing again!

PICK ME (ANY GENDER)

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Here! Pick me! I wanna go first! Pleeeease! (Yelling) Miss Janet, can you hear
me?? Meee, go, first! Hey, c'mon! What do I gotta do to get noticed around here! Pick me, not
Nick.... Okay I'm being good. See? I'm quiet. Hey, Miss Janet, I'm being really quiet. Look how
quiet I am! I'm as quiet as a mouse... quieter, cause mice squeak. I'm quiet like a bug. They
don't talk at all. Miss Janet, you look so pretty. I like your dress. And you have nice hair like my
mom's --- brown and gray. So can I go? Please? Wow, I can? Yes! Cool! Woo! Hey ... what
were we gonna do again?

PICKING TEAMS (BOYS) (10-12 YEARS-OLD)

I don't want to play, Mr. Cooper. I’Il just watch. Because every time we pick teams, I'm the last
one to get picked. Always. And they still don’t want me on their team because they say "You can
have him - no, you take him" So forget it - I'm not gonna play. I don't way to make them have to
pick me. Then they'll still make faces behind my back. Why can't we ever have a math contest
and pick teams? Then everyone would want me and I wouldn't want most of them on my team.
Can we do that Mr. Cooper? Then they'll know how bad it feels not to be picked.

NEW SCHOOL (ANY GENDER) (10-12 YEARS-OLD)

OK, listen to me I know you may think new schools are great and all, but stop thinking then.
(breathe in and out) My…. school…. sucks. I really don't get it. My mom said that when we moved I
would love my new school. She said it had great education and good teachers but, I don't think
she has ever met them
because they are not great, they're terrible. They made me sit next to this really smart kid and
told me I should help him learn because he wasn't the "brightest." (Starts to get worried) I mean
really teacher, he was ten times smarter than me. But that's not all they keep calling me Lauren,
I'm not Lauren. I just ended up playing along with it in the end, but I was so confused. Worst of
all in every class I had a test, on my FIRST day of school, and they weren't even standard tests.
They were incredibly hard. I think I learned more today than I have in my entire life! Talk about
over-achieving! I mean- (looks at phone with mouth open and reads text) Hi, I am sorry to inform you,
but you were mixed up with a different student. Your school is West Middle School not UGC,
which is the University for Gifted Children. We are very sorry for the inconvenience. (Puts down
phone) What? Well that sure explains things!
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES (cont.)
8-12 Years-old
VEGETARIAN SHARK (ANY GENDER)
You know, I don't like being a shark. I mean, sure, I look pretty cool... (Actor pretends to look up and
down their body, then smirks, but then sighs) But everyone is scared of me! Whenever I try to go talk to
a little fish or even a human, they run off screaming about how I will eat them. I can't even talk
to my neighbors! It's so unfair. Well… (Sighs) Here's a secret. I'm a vegetarian. Yeah, only eat
plants. It's hard under the sea, but water plants actually taste pretty great. (Grins, but then stops
smiling and frowns.) The other sharks don't like it. They say I have to eat fish like the rest of them.
They say I have to eat meat like everyone else. They don't accept me, because I'm a vegetarian
shark. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. (Suddenly excited) Hey, look, a fish! (Turns away from the
audience, calling to the fish.) Hey there! Wait, come back! I- (Sadly) Oh. No one understands me. I
have sharp teeth and a scary face that everyone fears. It's like I'm a criminal….. except I never
did anything wrong! That's why I need your help. I just want to be understood.

TROUBLE SLEEPING (ANY GENDER)

There are definitely elephants outside my window, and now I just can't sleep. My mom says it's
just that I'm far too imaginative to sleep, but can you blame me? The best things happen at
night. I toss and turn, but the sound of hundreds of marathon runners racing and thumping down
the streets bothers me. Sometime gumdrops will hit the roof, and I go outside, but I can never
quite catch one in my mouth, and yesterday, the French band just wouldn't stop. I even went out
and screamed at them, but the worst of them all was today. There are elephants outside my
window. When I saw them, I went zooming though our apartment and started shaking my mom
vigorously. "Mom. Mom, the elephants are back!" Disappointment again. I mean she just
completely blew me off. I trotted back upstairs thinking, "Oh, how will I go to sleep with that
elephant there?" Maybe counting sheep will work. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. That's how many sheep
the wolf just ate. Oh, there's nine and ten. This is supposed to make me sleep? Maybe
reading a book will work. Books are boring enough. "The puffin is popping with cream tart
toppings." Wait! I'm more awake the I was before! What time is it even? Oh my god, the sun's
up.

MINOTAUR (ANY GENDER)

Hello! So, my name is Brunwin, and I am a Minotaur. That's right. I have the top half of a man,
and the bottom half of a bull. It's about as uncomfortable as you think. I also live in an
inescapable maze, so it's kind of hard to find your way to the bathroom. In all the movies I am
portrayed as the bad guy, and to be fair, most of my kind are bloodthirsty killers. But I am NOT. I
am so misunderstood. Every 10 years, children are sacrificed to me. But I actually LIKE kids! I
mean... it's not like I'm going to NOT eat them… I only get to eat every 10 years! So lately I've
been thinking about trying to cross through the hedges and finally escape this labyrinth. Oh,
look- here comes a guy with a sword and some thread. I wonder what he's here for?
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES (cont.)
8-12 Years-old
HIDE AND SEEK (ANY GENDER)
Hey! Where did everybody go? I give up! I counted to a hundred, like you said. It took a really
long time. Where is everybody? I said I give up! I can’t find you! I’ve been looking for ages. Can
anybody hear me? This isn’t funny any more, you guys. Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Come on, guys. Let’s play a different game! We could play tag outside? Or maybe we could
have a snack and play video games? I’ll let you guys play first! I promise! Just come out. I can’t
find you, OK? I give up. What more do you want from me? Guys? Hey, guys?

MESSY ROOM (BOYS)

Mom, it’s not my fault my room’s a mess! Me and Anthony were playing with his new race-cars.
Only four of them. And we heard a weird noise outside, so we opened the window. This huge
spaceship landed and a slimy, green alien with three heads came out and jumped in the
window. Anthony tried to shoot him with my zapper gun, but it didn’t even hurt him—he just got
real mad. So he knocked all the books off my shelf and picked up my toy box with his long,
purple antennas and dumped it all over my room. So I threw a Frisbee at him and it bonked him
on his third head and he slimed out the window and the spaceship disappeared into the sky.
Geez, Mom, you should be happy I’m still alive!

BORING NEWS (ANY GENDER)

Why do you watch the news every night, Dad? It’s boooooooring! It’s always the same. The
news is just a bunch of guys talking. It’s just so boring! Can’t we watch the cartoon channel?
Don’t you like to laugh? I feel like my head is going to explode all over this room I’m so bored:
pow! Splat! Smush! Here, I’ll be the news guy: “Tonight, everyone is very boring in the whole
world. The whole world is boring and bunch of other guys said boring things and the weather is
boring. Have a boring night. I’m boring. Good night.” That’s it! I just did the news for you. Now
you don’t have to watch it! Let’s watch cartoons!
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

COMMERCIALS
8-12 Years-old
JELLO PUDDING POPS (ANY GENDER)
I love Jello Pudding Pops. They’re so delicious. They come in lots of fun flavors like
chocolate, vanilla and even swirls. My friends love to come over when mom brings them
out. When I grow up and become president, I'm going to make everyday Jello Pudding
Pops day.

CRAYOLA CRAYONS (ANY GENDER)

I want to be an artist when I grow up. That's why my parents started helping me with my
dream when I was very young. They gave me a huge box of Crayola Crayons. There is
every color that you can imagine Just think, if I can make a masterpiece with a Crayola
Crayon, there is no telling what I will create when I get older. Crayola Crayons will bring
out the artist in you.

WALMART (ANY GENDER)

I am working on my camping badge for Boy/Girl (choose one) scouts. It is our motto in
scouts to be prepared. So my dad took me to Walmart. Walmart has the coolest outdoor
equipment. I like the gear that I got at Walmart so much that my Dad lets me camp out
in the back yard. Walmart, be prepared!

O’CHARLEY’S (ANY GENDER)

I love chicken fingers! At O'Charley’s, big girls like me can eat for free. My dad likes
that. So try out O'Charley’s, and don't forget the honey mustard!

CORN POPS (ANY GENDER)

Where are my corn pops? We are out of my Kellogg's corn pops! I can't believe you ate
them all, how could you? (Breathe) Stay calm. All of that crunch, all of that sweet
popcorn…I want them and I can't have them! Ugh! I've just gotta have my pops!

ONE A DAY VITAMINS (ANY GENDER)

My mom says I can be anything I want to be when I grow up. That's why she gives me
One a Day Vitamins for Kids. They come in lots of fun shapes and they taste just like
fruit! Plus, they give my body everything it needs to grow up healthy and strong. I'm
trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up, either a brain surgeon or a
supermodel. But with One a Day Vitamins for Kids, the future is wide open!

CHEERIOS (ANY GENDER)

I love Cheerios! They're healthy for your heart and they still taste great! They are a
powerful part of a healthy breakfast to give you energy and help you grow. Cheerios,
great brain food for kids of any age!
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

COMMERCIALS (cont.)
8-12 Years-old
TIDE (GIRLS)
My favorite thing to do is play outside. The problem is I play hard and I get really dirty.
My mom freaks out. "Jennie, girls aren't supposed to get that dirty!"...ughhh. Then my
friend's mom told her about Tide's new heavy-duty detergent for kids, and girls like me.
Now I can get as dirty as I want.

RAZOR SCOOTERS (ANY GENDER)

I cannot wait until I'm old enough to get my license. But for now, I get around as fast as
lightening on my Razor Scooter. Razor Scooters make it twice as fast and 100 times
more fun to get where I'm going. So until I'm old enough to get my license, I'm sticking
with my Razor Scooter.

MILK (ANY GENDER)

My favorite thing to drink is Milk, but I stopped drinking it for 2 whole weeks! My mom
asked why, and I told her it was because Dad said that Milk will make me big and strong
and put lots of hair on my chest. I got scared because I don't want a hairy chest and
back like my dad. Mom said, he got that from Grandpa, not milk. Milk, does a body
good!

ABERCROMBIE KIDS (ANY GENDER)

My dad gives me the biggest problem about shopping at Abercrombie Kids. He doesn't
understand why I would want to buy jeans with holes in them. He says that the clothes
look like they have been worn before. He just doesn't realize that this is what makes
them cool. Abercrombie kids. For the cool kid in all of us.

FROSTED FLAKES (ANY GENDER)

I hereby decree that all kids must be given the right to eat cereals that taste good!
Parents must let their children choose their OWN cereal-after all, they're the ones eating
it. No longer will we eat cereals that taste like the boxes they came in. There will be
FROSTED FLAKES for everyone! They're GREEEAAATTT!

JUSTICE FOR GIRLS (GIRLS)

I don't have time to always be the 'big sister'. Sometimes, I want to be spoiled, just like
my little brother. So when my mom wants me to feel like a Princess, she takes me to
Justice for Girls. At Justice, I can get the best clothes in the newest styles. Justice for
Girls - where you can spoil yourself.
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MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

COMMERCIALS (cont.)
8-12 Years-old
KELLOGG’s POP TARTS (ANY GENDER)
My parents always try to make a fancy breakfast. French Toast, Pancakes, eggs.…but
all I really want is Kellogg's Pop Tarts. I can have a different flavor every day!
Strawberry, Cinnamon, sprinkles and even chocolate! That's all the breakfast variety
that I need in my life. It's a delicious surprise that even toasters are awaiting!

DOUBLE BUBBLE
Have you ever seen someone blow a bubble 6ft. wide? Of course not, you just met me.
I can blow a bubble so big it covers my entire face. Double Bubble is thick and juicy and
helps you create large bubbles, with a lot of training of course.

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS
I need a vacation from school. I just found out that my parents are taking me to
Universal Studios in Florida. I am so excited. Universal is one of my favorite places to
visit. I love the Spiderman ride, the shows, and the roller coasters. Universal, it’s the
perfect place for a hard working kid like me!
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MONOLOGUES
13-18 Years-old
TEENAGE LIFE (ANY GENDER)
Oh, my gosh. I think I've just come up with the best theory. Teenage life sucks. I mean, once
you hit 13, your life just goes (rocket explosion). Adults are like "I loved being a teenager!" Ha,
sure. Well, I'm sorry but this isn't "Sunshine 70's" anymore. And little kids are like "I can't wait to
be a teenager! Haha, yes you can. I mean, at first they're like "Hey, best friend!" and then they
go around gossiping "Oh, my gosh, did you know that Gretchen made out with Justin at
movies… oh yeah, " (what expression) I don't even know a Justin! Also, everyone expects you
to be this pencil thin stick or you're considered fat", but when you are that thin, they just go
spreading around that your anorexic! So, I just say two things to say: Adults, you're wrong, and
kids, get ready.

ROCKSTAR (ANY GENDER)

Mom! Why do I have to do all this stupid homework, anyway? I mean c'mon! Math? That's what
we have calculators for. Spelling? You only needed to know how to spell in the "olden" days -
now we just use spell check on the computer. History? Who cares? It already happened, so why
do I have to know about it? And if I want to know about it, I can just look it up on the web real
quick. Besides I'm not going to need any of this homework stuff where I'm going, because I'm
going to be a rock star! So, all I'll need is my guitar, my Spotify playlists, my GarageBand, and
your credit cards, so I can start my training and buy some cool rock star clothes and
accessories! Trust me Mom - we shouldn't have to waste our time on homework for one second
longer. You hook me up now, and when my record deal hits, I'll hook you up for the rest of your
life! Then we can look back on these little homework disputes and have a good laugh.

DANCE CAPTAIN (GIRLS)

Excuse me, yeah hi. I’m Olivia, the dance captain. That was a pretty good dance routine, but it’s
nowhere as good as the one I did when I auditioned for the squad. I know you think you can just
waltz in here and take my place, but I got news for you, it’s not happening. I mean who do you
think you are? Trying to take the place I worked so hard to get. You are a monster. And again, I
say WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I know who I am, I’m the queen of this place and there is
nothing you can do to change that.

STRICT PARENTS (ANY GENDER)

My parents? Strict? Naw.…..I mean once …..my teachers told them I was texting in class… So
they took my phone away. Then I got a C on my English paper, so they took TV away. And to
top it off I came in past my curfew last Friday so they grounded me for a week. One whole entire
week. A long, week without my phone or TV privileges in the house, no one to talk to
…(brighten up) except my mom....I talked to her non-stop from the moment I came home until it
was time to go to bed. Being grounded only lasted for 3 days, and then she threw the phone at
me. Screaming..."I CAN'T take it anymore"…talk to someone who understands what the heck
you are talking about!!! So …yeah…they pretty much let me do what I want since then!!
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MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
CHORES (ANY GENDER)
I can’t come over tonight. It’s garbage night. Which means that I will be slaving away filling up
the yard debris bin and the recycling container and dragging all the bins to the curb. Yes, they
make me do all that. (pause) I know you don’t have to. I have more chores than any of my other
friends. My dad also makes me mow the lawn, AND take care of the lawn mower, which at first,
I knew nothing about. But he said that if it broke down because it wasn’t properly maintained, I
would have to pay for it. I spent three hours on Google and YouTube figuring out where the oil
goes and how to keep the blades clean. (pause) I know you don’t have to do anything like that!
None of my friends do! Last summer, I had to help my dad build a fence while you guys were at
soccer camp, and this weekend, he is forcing me to stay home and help him stain the deck. It’s
like I’m a prisoner. You know, like those guys who used to have to break up rocks when they
were sent to jail? (pause) Oh, I can’t complain to him! It’s not worth it! He’ll go on for an hour
about how he is doing me a favor by giving me responsibility and teaching me how to be a man
and that one day, I will thank him. Can you believe it? He thinks I’m going to thank him for
making me do so many chores? He’s out of his mind! (pause) Anyway, what are you doing
tonight? Video games again? I’m jealous.

NEW SCHOOL (ANY GENDER)

OK, listen to me I know you may think new schools are great and all, but stop thinking
then. (breathe in and out) My…. school…. sucks. I really don't get it. My mom said that
when we moved I would love my new school. She said it had great education and good
teachers but, I don't think she has ever met them because they are not great, they're
terrible. They made me sit next to this really smart kid and told me I should help him
learn because he wasn't the "brightest." (Starts to get worried) I mean really teacher, he
was ten times smarter than me. But that's not all they keep calling me Lauren, I'm not
Lauren. I just ended up playing along with it in the end, but I was so confused. Worst of
all in every class I had a test, on my FIRST day of school, and they weren't even
standard tests. They were incredibly hard. I think I learned more today than I have in my
entire life! Talk about over-achieving! I mean- (looks at phone with mouth open and
reads text) Hi, I am sorry to inform you, but you were mixed up with a different student.
Your school is West High School not UGC, which is the University for Gifted Children.
We are very sorry for the inconvenience. (Puts down phone) What? Well that sure
explains things!
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MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
WISH I COULD DRIVE (13-15 Years-old) (boys can change or omit the makeup line)
Ugh! I wish I could drive already! What a genius made up that rule that you have to be 16 to get
a license, anyway? Jeez! I can drive right now - and probably better than most of the people on
the road. And you know I'm not gonna be doing my make-up while I'm driving - because that
takes time and precision. And I won't be reading the newspaper because I don't read the
newspaper. That's the problem! Everybody on the road is too selfish! It's like every man for
himself out there. Everybody acts like it's THEIR lane instead of just THE lane! But no - you get
in the fast lane and have to go slow cuz someone is hogging the lane. You could honk, but
they're like "I'm going plenty fast! If you want to go faster, you can just go around me..." Uh,
that's why it's called "the fast lane!" It's for as fast as anyone wants to go, not just for as fast as
YOU want to go! Besides, they shouldn't keep young people from driving, they should keep
OLD people from driving. They can barely read the road signs, and by the time they figure it out,
they've started a five-car pile-up, cuz they're staring at the overhead signs for way too long,
instead of the road! But, hey-make it harder for me to get a license - that makes sense.

BEING THE BETTER PERSON

Pathetic, stupid, lazy, a waste of space. (Pause) Ignorant, Fat, ugly. Should I go on? Not once
have you ever said one nice thing about me, you always made fun of my looks, my weight, and
my lack of intelligence and now you're here asking me for help. (Pause) Never once have you
apologized for always bringing me down, always making me feel worthless. You have no idea
how many times I tried starving myself, how many hours I sat there studying all night. How
many times I sat in front of the mirror wishing, praying to look different all because of your
words. And now you're asking, for my help. Why should I help you? Why should I feel sorry for
you after all that you put me through? I have no reason to. You never gave me a reason to care;
honestly, I really shouldn't care. But I guess I'm not like you. And I don't ever want to like you.
(Pause) But I'll help you. Because I feel sorry for you.

SIGN ME UP COACH (BOYS)

Coach Taylor, I'm here to sign up for the football team. The only problem is I really don't know
much about football. However, I do have some wonderful leadership skills. For one thing, I'm
captain of the debate squad and my teammates look to me for inspiration. I'd like to offer you
my leadership skills. Of course I do take issue to the basic football premise of inflicting pain on
the other team. I'm all about love and I can't risk injuring my hands. I play first chair violin in the
orchestra. Still, I think we can make beautiful music together and you would be helping me out
in my quest to impress, Sherry Lawson…the head cheerleader. I'm sure I would look great in
the team uniforms. Sherry would be sure to take notice of me. Though I question the necessity
for the mud and grass stains? So what do you say? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. All I
ask is that you find me a high profile position on the team that will require little to no physical
contact with the opposing team.
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MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
BEHIND BARS (ANY GENDER)
Today is my anniversary. That's right - two years ago today, I began a new life. A life of torture.
A life of misery. A life of complete despair and constant ridicule! I GOT BRACES! It's two years
later, and still, here I am - confined by these bars on my teeth! And with no end or even relief in
sight… If you've never had braces, you can't possibly know my pain. Imagine: a rope made of
wire, attached to each of your teeth by little gobs of cement, so that every time you speak or
chew your food, your jaws are playing Tug O' War with your "teeth rope" Then, before you know
it, you've got another orthodontist appointment, where you get that rope through the cement
gobs tightened, in addition to getting little hooks installed, cuz you're expected to wear rubber
bands that make your head feel like it’s in a total vice grip! Whew! OMG! Happy Anniversary, to
me! Welcome to my life!

THE SON HE NEVER HAD (BOY)

You're like the son I never had. (Pause) What could he of meant by that? (Pause) I know I'm not
the typical son he always wanted, but how could he say that? So what if I don't play football or
would rather go see a production then watch the 'game', I didn't know there was a rule book into
being a son... What ever happened to accepting me for me? I mean I thought the one person
who would be able to accept me for me is my own father... I guess I was wrong, It's not that I
don't try to live up to his expectations but what's the point in pretending to be someone I'm not
anyway? Why should I be the one that has to change myself in order to gain acceptance? Why
can't he make an effort to try and understand me? He's never going to accept me so why bother
pretending. I'm sick of pretending… Maybe Sarah should just go ahead and marry mark, and
then he will get the 'son he never had'.

THE BOYFRIEND (GIRL) (16 years old +)

Ok... look Eddie, I know I've said this before but I mean it THIS time. This chapter is over. I am
NOT feeling this. We have been seeing each other for 7 and a half months now and you don't
even take me out.… well that time we went to the movies and then back to your place. Or that
time we ate at that cheap Mexican restaurant. I am sick and tired of getting a text message like,
"I miss you baby, why don't you meet me?” You know what!??! Just forget it! I don't need this! I
am beautiful, I’m smart, and a damn good girlfriend. I know some boys that would kill to be my
man! Your ears are funny looking anyway! So this will be your last time hearing from me. Don't
ring my phone. Don't send me any text messages. I just need time to be alone... to figure out
want I really want! I just know it’s not this. and you. (phones rings) Hello… hey baby, what's
up…nothing, just watching TV... OK, I'll be there is 15 minutes...
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MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
BEING PERFECT (ANY GENDER)
Why would anybody say that about someone? She's not even fat, who cares what she is
wearing! I didn't know there were rules on what to wear and not to wear at school. Just because
she isn't a size zero like you doesn't mean she is fat. Look around! (Pointing at people walking
by) She isn't perfect. He isn't perfect. No one is perfect. Look at me. I am far from perfect. So
why does it matter what she is wearing? Is it because she isn't wearing Hollister, Abercrombie,
or the Buckle? (Did you ever think it's because she can't afford it?) What is sad is that girl called
fat doesn't eat lunch and works out every day after school. The boy that everybody calls dumb;
he goes home and studies for hours. The girl everybody calls ugly wakes up extra early every
morning just to put on enough makeup to be called beautiful. So why bully people? People
should not be judged in this world for what they look like because no one is perfect.

GRANDMA’S HOUSE (ANY GENDER)

Oh Daaaaaaad!.…Do we have to go to Grandma's house? I don't know what makes you think
going to Grandma's house is so much fun, you get up early and polish the car like we're going
someplace cool, like the beach…Is it just me, or does her house smell like a couch from an old
antique store? Yuk! And besides that, I'm the one she latches onto, and forced listen to all her
old stories…well, I'm sorry if I can't appreciate her "WISDOM" right now. and Dad, let's face it,
even you can admit the lady's a little bit crazy. One day I was going into the kitchen to get
myself a drink and I heard her talking to somebody, I didn't want to disturb her, so I was really
quiet. She was asking Grandpa how much salt he'd like in the stew,…………and he's been
dead for ten years! I mean, come on! And another thing, I'm sorry, but her cooking is awful
too.…and OH!….OH!…and what was that disgusting stuff she made us last time for
dinner…BOILED OKRA?. That's just wrong! It felt like a hairy clam going down my throat. It took
me three or four sips of water after each bite to get it down, and stay down.…eeeeew I can still
taste it! Dad can't we just skip this visit? I mean, Christmas is only four months away. I'm sure
she wouldn't mind if we just called her....Pleeease!

COLD FEET (BOYS) (15 years old +)

No I can't do it, I thought I could but I can't, Can't you be a good mate and do it for me? (Pause)
Come on man, I need your help here. I don't even know what to say to her. I mean she's so
perfect I get cold feet every time I'm near her. (Pause) I don't know, there's something about
her. It's the way she plays with her hair when she's deep in thought or how she always giggles
when she's embarrassed. Everything about her is perfect. She has the power to make my heart
race just by looking at me. She's like no other girl I know she has so much confidence yet she's
not arrogant if you know what I mean.. She's smart, she's funny, she's cute but it's like she
doesn't even know how cute she is which just makes her more cute... she's just... she's just
perfect. (Pause) Shut up! It's not cheesy it's just how I feel... Ok, that's it I'm just going to go
through with it, I am going to ask her out I mean what's the worst that can happen? She rejects
me? I can handle that. Ok I'm doing it, wish me luck.
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MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
BETRAYAL (ANY GENDER) (15 years-old +) (can change names to fit preferred gender)
What do you think you're doing? I mean as if it wasn't bad enough you asked Doug out on a
date behind my back, but I had to find out about it, from Tyler, who couldn't wait to throw it in my
face. I was so humiliated; I could have died! I thought we were supposed to be going out.… isn't
that what you told me Monday? What ever happened too, "Steve, you're different from other
guy's," or, "I feel like I can tell you anything", or, "I knew you were special the first time I saw
you"? Were you just playing me? What do you want from me? (Pause) No! You know what? I
don't even care…this whole thing was just a pathetic lie to satisfy your ego, wasn't it?...I mean
you didn't even have the decency to break it off before you jumped into something else. I can't
believe I fell for the whole honesty routine.…Just leave, I can't even look at you, you make me
sick (Pause) Please, just leave!.….O.K...| admit it, you got me, so take your little trophy, add me
to your collection and get out of my life!

LIAR (GIRLS)
"My "formerly" best friend, Marta Holloway called me a liar in school today! I hate that!
Especially since I WAS lying and she was only telling the truth. Yes I was late… and left the Dr's
note on the front seat of the car. Yes I was hanging around my locker too long. Yes I said I was
late because the student council meeting ran too long. Yes I am not in Student Council. But that
is no reason for Martha Holloway to open her big mouth and rat me out just to get me in trouble.
I'm not ever going to talk to Martha Holloway again. Even when her Mom takes us to the mall
later today. (Takes out phone) Look! She is texting me. (Reads phone message and texts back)
I AM NOT. TALKING…TO. YOU… (Reads next text.... and then types) PICK. ME. UP. AT
THREE THIRTY (Puts phone away) Hey look! It's the mall OK?"

CUSTOMER SERVICE (GIRL) (15 years old+)

Ma'am, I replaced the first burger free cause it "didn't taste right" to you. And the second burger
cause you said it wasn't cooked enough. Now you're telling me that this burger is burnt?! You
have got to be kidding me. Where do you think you are. This is McDonald's! We ain't serving no
sirloin steak! $5.25 an hour and I gotta put up with the likes of you. I'll tell you what. Why don't
you come back here, take my greasy apron and my stupid hat, and stand back here in 128
degree temperature and cook your own burger till you're satisfied. Oh, and hey, don't forgot you
gotta smile nice for all the customers while you're sweating to death and the French Fry boys
are whispering perverted jokes!! No? Doesn't sound like a good old time to you? Well then, I
highly suggest you take that burger back to your little table, eat it, and think about how lucky you
are that I didn't smash an apple pie in your face. Have I made myself clear? Thank you.

FORGOT MY CARD (GIRLS) (16 years old +)

Omg, I had the worst day at the mall today. I went into Forever 21, right? The first store of the
day. I tried on the cutest things. You know how most of the time things don’t fit right, and you
leave with two things out of ten? Not today! Everything I tried on fit perfectly! I went up to the
counter to pay. The line was soooo long! Like I'm not even joking, it was all the way back to the
clearance racks! She had everything rung out and everything was going great, until I reached
into my purse to grab my credit card and it wasn't there! I didn't know what to do! I panicked and
left all those sweet clothes on the counter. I just decided to leave and go to my car. I opened the
door and guess what? My card was sitting right there! On my seat!
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MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
JEALOUS (GIRL) (15 years old +)
I cannot believe her I mean who does she think she is? She's been here for what like 5
seconds, Does she seriously think she can just waltz in here, twirl her long, golden hair and pout
her lips and everyone drops what they're doing just to keep her happy?…No it doesn't work like
that, she's a stuck up little princess. (Pause) Pft, no? I'm not just saying that because Johnny
Daniels asked her to the dance when he already asked me, I mean why would care that she's
going to the dance with the boy I've been crushing on for 3 years, because I so don't. Seriously I
don't. mean what does he even see in her anyway.… yes she looks like a Victoria's Secret
model, yes she may be super tall and have the perfect body and the perfect hair… and the
perfect teeth. and the perfect, everything but who wants to date a Barbie anyway?. But
whatever, it's Johnny's loss his going to realize how much better I am then her someday and
when he does I'lI be waiting to Say Suck it you had your chance and you blew it by taking a little
ignorant, self absorbed princess instead of me. Gosh I hate high school.

TOOTH FAIRY QUITS (GIRL)

Hi, I'm Pixie, you probably know me most as the tooth fairy that collects your teeth under your
nasty pillows. What most humans don't know is how difficult his job is. And news flash! I'm not
getting paid for this. I'm paying you for your rotten teeth. What kind of deal is that? Keep in mind
I am about the same size as your teeth and the money I give you, so yeah, the process takes
about an hour per kid. But here's my dilemma. I have run out of money to give you spoiled kids!
I am broke! No mouse wants to buy your teeth from me! And I am getting old and tired. Some
humans believe I use your teeth to build my house. That. Ain't. True. That's disgusting! That's
my fat fairy sister, Tonkerbell. (Notice Tonkerbell standing behind you) Ahh! Tonkerbell what are
you doing here? Oh, you heard everything I said…. Well what is that falling out of your dress?
Ah how dare you! That's where all the money went! Well humans, you are gonna have to live
with your falling out teeth for a year, I am going on vacation!

THANKSGIVING (ANY GENDER) (15 years old +) (change names to fit preferred gender)
I'll be out in a minute! Just…Hold on, just warm up the car! (beat) Hey, Grammy. I love you too,
yeah; this has been fun. It was great seeing you. Look, I need to talk to you before I go. No, no
mom and dad know I won't be out for a minute. Don't worry, they're waiting for me, yeah. Look, I
really have to tell you this. No! No, I loved dinner. The turkey was great. It was the best
Thanksgiving yet, Grammy. Yeah, it was really fun to see everyone again, but uh, Grammy,
please, just let me talk! Thank you. Now, I've been thinking for a long time. Do you remember
when you always told me that the boys would be chasing me, because of my amazing good
looks? Yeah, well, I've kind of been running away from them all. I'm not…. scared of them. I'm
just interested in someone else. Yeah. Someone special….. Well, it's not actually a- (beat)
What's his name? His name. Well, I don't think I need to say. Embarrassed? I'm not
embarrassed; it's just not what you're going to expect. Well, if you really want me to say it. I'll
say it. Eve. Her name is Eve. (beat) Oh, thank God, the wishbone worked!
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MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
PRINCESS GROUP THERAPY (GIRL)
Hello, everyone! I'm Snow White, and welcome back to APPLES Group Therapy! Amazing,
Poised, Princesses Loathing Evil Stepmothers! (whispers) It's an acronym. We have two new
people joining us today! We have Gretel and. Hansel, you do realize this is Princesses loathing
evil stepmothers, right? You know what? Never mind. It's 2020, you do you. Anyway, we are
here because we all have one thing in common. We all have horrible stepmothers! I mean, mine
got jealous of me, hired someone to kill me, tried to poison me, but this isn't about me! Let's talk
about all of you! Cinderella, let's start with you. Your stepmother didn't let you go to the ball.
How did that make you feel? Like what? Oh, you're a princess, you shouldn't use that kind of
language. Moving on to... Ariel. While you technically don't actually have an evil stepmother,
you do have an evil aunt. She tricked you into exchanging your voice for legs. How did that
make you feel? Wait, no, let me guess, it made you feel pretty... crabby! Hahaha.. wrong time
and place. Got it. Does anyone else want to share? No? Okay, be honest, do any of you
actually want therapy, or do you just come for the free donuts?

QUARANTINE (ANY GENDER)

I was just thinking about the first day of quarantine. I thought it was kind of like a drill, you know,
like it would only last 1 or 2 days, and it would be over. Well this is NOT a drill. I've also
discovered the stages to complete craziness. I've been craving just to get outside, play, or just
get out and do something.…ANYTHING. I mean, who wants to sit inside and do nothing, am I
right? So, the stages go like this: Sit and stare at the wall, eat and get bigger, and binge watch
my favorite shows on Netflix. I started to binge video games, which is when I discovered that the
pandemic is kind of like a game of Among Us, right? Covid-19 is the imposter, and the
spaceship is the quarantined area. This pandemic is crazy! Man…I just can't wait to hang out in
real life again. Waiting for this to end is like watching a pecan tree grow. You could call my life
with your phone and it would say something like, "you're on hold." Is it just me, or do you feel
this way too?

DATING ADVICE (BOYS) (16 years old +)

First of all buddy, you never let on how much you like a girl. Play it cool like this: "Oh, Debbie.
Hi." Two, you always call the shots and be confident: "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three,
act like wherever you are, that's the place to be: (arms out shrugging) "Isn't this great?" Four,
when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy
move. Watch: "Yes Garçon, now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a
Coke with no ice, I'll have the Prime rib, rare, mashed potatoes and a coke WITH ice." And five,
now this is the most important, bro- when it comes down to "alone time" whenever possible, put
on Usher. Girls go crazy for that stuff, and you get all the rewards, if ya know what I mean. Did
you write that stuff down?
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MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
IT’S TERRIBLE BEING NICE (GIRL) (16 years-old +)
Don't do it! Don't ask me out. Shh. Don't say another word. Just listen. Before I met you
everyone thought I was a huge b. Those people I introduced to you as my friends. They're not
my friends. They're scared of me. Or they were…before I met you. Before you, I never said
please or thank you. I never smiled or laughed at anyone's jokes but mine. I was cold, crass and
falsely compassionate. But since being with you, I have these urges to donate to charities and
help out in soup kitchens. I've given nearly ten dollars to homeless men, helped three old ladies
cross the street, and I bought one of my so called "friends" a present at full price. And it was
something I knew she'd like. Don't you see you've made me NICE!? And what really scares me
is that you'll ask me to be your girlfriend, and I'll just nicely say "yes," and then I'll be nice for life.
I mean, the planet already has millions of nice people. It doesn't need me too. Please, stop,
don't! I'm begging you - I'm getting down on my knees. Will you please, please not ask me out?

THE FACT IS…I LOVE YOU (BOY) (16 years old +)

I'm not the kind of guy who drives across town, runs up six flights of stairs and knocks on my
best friend's girlfriend's door in order to run off and elope with her based on one crazy,
thoughtless, inexplicably romantic night. So what am I doing here, Audrey? I'm not passionate.
I'm a fact checker for Christ's sake. And the fact of me - being here - doesn't check out. Now,
your boyfriend, I've known since kindergarten. Am I really willing to throw all those years of
friendship away based on…what? Some feeling? Some intense, aching, gnawing, burning,
torturing feeling that's telling me I must be with you or I'll die a slow and horrible death as my
heart slowly breaks into a thousand pieces? No! I mean, this is the kind of thing that only
happens in the movies - and we're not in the movies. And all the facts are pointing to one thing:
we can't do this. All the facts say shouldn't be here. Because the fact is you are in a relationship.
Because the fact is we just met yesterday. Because the fact is I'm not the kind of guy who falls
in love. That's a fact. A cold hard fact. And facts are supposed to be true. But the problem
is…….see…the problem is…despite every fact I can muster, there's something that still doesn't
check out. Because the truth is despite all facts to the contrary...I still love you madly. And it's
not like me. And I don't want to. But I can't help it. I'm yours, Audrey. Completely, totally,
hopelessly, and utterly yours.

SPOKE TOO SOON (GIRL) (16 years-old +)

Oh, hello officer. Lovely day we're having isn't it? Well, before you start lecturing me for
something I've done wrong, I just want to say, in my defense, that I am a really good student,
and a really good person. I get mostly A's in school, I am captain of the cheer squad, I am the
Student Body Secretary, and I', really nice to everyone all the time. Also, I don't drink, so I'm
always a designated driver after parties and stuff. Sometimes, I might have a lot on my mind,
but I always stay focused while I'm driving, because I know that it is a privilege. Just may have
been going a little to fast back there for a second until I realized it and slowed down, but then I
was in the middle of the intersection, so, I thought I should drive through, which may have
caused me to run that red light back there a little bit - but see there was a very reasonable
explanation for.… (notice him pointing to the door jam and look down)…Oh! How sweet. You
just stopped me to let me know that my dress was hanging out of the car...? That is just sooo
sweet of you. I really do appreciate that.…hmmm, what was I saying - I can't remember.…I had
it...but I seem to have lost it...? (awkward laughter)
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
THE NOTEBOOK (GIRL) (16 years-old +)
Do you remember sneaking over here the first time you told me about this place? I got home
late that evening, and my parents were furious when I finally came in. I can still picture my
daddy standing in the living room, my mother on the sofa, staring straight ahead. I swear, they
looked as if a family member had died. That was the first time my parents knew I was serious
about you, and my mother had a long talk with me later that night. She said to me, "Sometimes,
our future is dictated by who we are, not what we want." And I know it was wrong of her to keep
your letters from me, but just try to understand. Once we left, she probably thought it would be
easier for me to just let go. In her mind, she was trying to protect my feelings, and she probably
thought the best way to do that was to hide the letters you sent. Not that any of it matters, now
that I have Lon. He's handsome, charming, successful. He's kind to me, he makes me laugh,
and I know he loves me in his own special way...but there's always going to be something
missing in our relationship… the kind of love we had that summer.

****PLEASE NOTE THE FOLLOWING MONOLOGUES ARE HEAVILY DRAMATIC AND

SHOULD ONLY BE CHOSEN IF TALENT IS ABLE TO DEMONSTRATE MOVING
EMOTION***

ROSES ARE RED (15 years-old +)

You understand? You understand? No, you don't understand. You think just because you have
a PhD, and a framed certificate on the wall, that you magically know what I'm feeling? What a
load of crap. You've just doing your job -- making your money. You probably never cared about
anyone in your life. Well I do. I care too much. That's why I'm going crazy, I feel like I'm losing
my mind. Every time I see a woman who even slightly resembles my mom, I swear she's gonna
turn around and it will be her. Alive, here, now, smiling at me. But it never is. I keep waking up in
the middle of the night, screaming, all drenched in sweat. Yesterday, I put my fist through the
window and shattered it into pieces. My mom is dead. She's dead, and I can't even cry. Cause if
I do, it'll mean I accept, really accept, that she's gone forever. I don't want to do that. I can't do it.
Can you understand that? I can't let my mom be gone.

THERAPY (15 years-old +)

This was my mom's idea. I'm really fine. It's kind of weird to tell a stranger my life story and pour
out my feelings. But I guess that's your job, right? To listen? Well, you might want to get some
more coffee. I guess it happened when I was around three or four. I know it was November
because Thanksgiving was close. got up in the middle of the night and noticed my father was
packing his bag. thought he was just going to visit friends or maybe my grandma. I remember
being hungry and asked him if he would get me something to eat. He gave me some yogurt. I
went to get a spoon, but before I knew it, the door slammed, and he was gone. I guess that is
why my mom thinks I need therapy; to help me get over the pain. I don't feel any pain about
that. She's always told me it isn't my fault that my dad left. I mean come on. that happened
when I was three. I'm now thirteen. I'm fine. I mean, I've gone most of my life knowing my father
left and it's all my fault... (starts crying) yeah my mom thinks I need someone to talk to, but I say
I can just power through. I can handle it on my own. (pause) Okay, this isn't going to go that
way, is it?
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

MONOLOGUES (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
WASTED TALENT (15 years-old+)
He stopped believing, that's it, that's why he failed…he quit. So much talent, so much potential
but he stopped believing in himself……he lost his way cause he couldn't figure Out what to do
next with his career and I guess all the stress added up and finally broke him...his music was
great. No one gave him a chance but I think that in today's world that doesn't matter: he didn't
give himself the chance to take control of his career the way I knew he could have. Maybe it
was fear from doubting himself and it crippled his ambition I wish I somehow knew how deep
he'd fell off in his belief cause I - (pause.) I will miss him very much, he was a dear friend and a
talented artist and the world has been robbed of his contribution to humanity. It hurts. It's sad. It
didn't have to happen this way.
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

COMMERCIALS
13-18 Years-old
KIT KAT (ANY GENDER) (can change “dance” to a different extracurricular activity)
Give me a break! I have school all day and dance class at night. That's why when I need a
break, I break off a piece of a Kit Kat bar. Kit Kat gives me energy to earn A's all day and then
dance the night away! Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar!

VERIZON (GIRL)
My parents told me they were going to take my cell phone away because I waste all of my
minutes on cheap gossip with my friends. Well believe me, gossip is not cheap. It is very
valuable if you use it in the right way. After much debate, and a few tears on my part, they
signed up for Verizon's unlimited texting plan. Now I can text Jenny all the new gossip (Oops
face) I mean important news, any time and as much as I want. Thanks Verizon, you really know
how to keep a girl connected.

OPI NAIL POLISH (GIRL)

Pink, Purple, Green….. All those colors are in right now! So what if I can't wear them all at once
on my body? I'll wear them on my nails. I hate those sticky fake nails, and why pay to get them
done when I have a whole nail studio right at my fingertips? With nail pens, stickers, and lots of
eye- popping colors, my nails are sure to always make a statement.

ROCKET DIRT BIKE (BOY)

I live for speed. I love going fast and pushing the boundaries. Now I have my speed fix with the
Rocket Dirt Bike. This dirt bike goes faster than any other dirt bike I've ever had. It cuts corners
in an instant and never slows down. Rocket Dirt Bikes, just try and keep up.

WII SPORTS (ANY GENDER)

I love outdoor sports, like golf, tennis, volleyball and baseball. But when it's winter, my favorite
outdoor activities come to a halt. Then I discovered Nintendo Wii. Now I can challenge my
brother to a tennis match, my dad to a baseball game and my mom to trivia. Wii even
challenges my brain! So get the Wii challenge and stay out of the cold.

SUBWAY (ANY GENDER)

I'm a great kid, but I do run my parents to death. They are constantly picking me up, dropping
me off, helping me study, attending my games. I keep them busy. So when Mom wants to stop
at Subway for dinner, I'm all for it. So when we are on the go, Subway is what we pick up.

NIKON (ANY GENDER)

I don't know why, but I love taking pictures. Pictures of my family, my friends, outdoors and
especially animals. So my friend got me the best camera out there-the Nikon Cool Pix. With this
camera, I can be as simple or artistic as I want. I can shoot in color, black and white and even
edit my photos before uploading them to my computer. My Nikon Cool Pix makes me look like a
professional.
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

COMMERCIALS (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
DOMINO’S (ANY GENDER)
On Wednesday nights, my Dad is supposed to cook dinner for the whole family, but he always
ends up calling Domino's Pizza. Domino's isn't just pizza anymore. They have a full menu to
choose from with pastas, wings, calzones and more! My mom doesn't seem to mind, now she
calls Wednesday nights, Domino's nights.

GUITAR HERO (ANY GENDER)

I tried taking guitar lessons, but it was way too hard. I've always wanted to play the guitar but I
never really wanted to put the work into it. Guitar Hero makes me feel like a rock star Now I can
jam to some of the hardest songs out there and it has inspired me to put in the hard Work and
take lessons again. Guitar Hero, inspiring rock stars!

GOOGLE (ANY GENDER)

Remember me? I'm the kid that had a report due on space. Then I discovered Google! It's like
having your own research library right at your fingertips. So the next time you want an "A"
instead of a "B", use Google...you'll be glad you did.

TOMMY HILFIGER (BOY)

It's always been my style to say exactly what's on my mind. But I know there are somethings
you can't always express with words. People can relate to each other on a lot of different levels.
A look, a glance, a touch. And you just know you've connected. Tommy Hilfiger.

LEVI'S JEANS (ANY GENDER)

The best way to describe my personality is reliable, relaxed, and flexible. So when it comes to
my jeans, I expect the same characteristics. I want my jeans to reflect who I am, so that's why I
only wear Levi's. Levi's are designed to fit the way you want them to. No matter what style you
choose, be sure your jeans reflect who you are.

CREST WHITENING STRIPS (ANY GENDER)

With school pictures around the corner, I have to start now to look my best. That's why I started
using Crest Whitening Strips. They're these small little strips that you place over your teeth.
Leave them in overnight and your smile is obviously brighter the next morning. After a couple of
nights, I should have the brightest smile in the yearbook. Crest Whitening Strips, your smiles
waiting,

LENS CRAFTERS (ANY GENDER)

I like to change things up. I mean do you wear the same outfit two days in a row? That why I
went to Lens Crafters. At Lens crafters you can get two pair of glasses for the price of one. Who
wouldn't want twice the reward for the same amount. Now I can change up my glasses to match
my outfit, and even my mood. Not that I am ever moody. Lens Crafters expands your
possibilities.
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

COMMERCIALS (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
NIKE (ANY GENDER)
If you exercise or are active like me then you need good dependable sports wear. I rely on Nike
to get me through my workouts. NIKE is all about strength, distance and power. It's designed for
any sport, any shape and any temperature. Nike doesn't just design it's sports wear for anyone,
it designs it for everyone.

GAP JEANS (ANY GENDER)

Wherever I go, my jeans go. That's why I only wear jeans by GAP. I wear my jeans so often that
they need to move with me. They also need to withhold several washes per week. For the best
comfort and long lasting wear there's no better jean than GAP.

CHAPSTICK (ANY GENDER)

Glide on chapstick overnight lip treatment specially formulated lip care with 8 moisturizers like
aloe and vitamin E that replenish, smooth, and soften. It works for hours as you sleep. So you
wake up to lips that truly look smoother and softer. Chapstick overnight lip treatment for
smoother, softer lips overnight.

GOOGLE (ANY GENDER)

I have this really weird English teacher this year that actually wants us to write a paper every
week this semester. What does she think? That I'm in school to learn? But, no worries for me. I
find all the information that I need with one little word, Google. So don't stress, just Google.

NOXEMA MAKEUP REMOVAL CLOTHS (GIRL) (15 years old +)

If there's one lesson I've learned in skin care, it's that you must not ignore blemishes. I use
Noxzema pre-moistened cloths to remove dirt, oil and makeup. They're also dermatologist
tested, so they're safe to use around your eyes. Stop using your mother's blemish cream and try
Noxzema. Your skin will thank you!

L'OREAL MASCARA (GIRL) (15 years old +)

Skinny is out. That's why I use Voluminous Mascara by L'Oréal. For luxurious lashes that are
three times fuller. Thin is not in. Fat is where it’s at. Voluminous lashes? Why, yes by L’Oréal
because I’m worth it

TJ MAXX (GIRL) (15 years-old +)

I had to go to TJ Maxx. My boyfriend and I just broke up and I needed a little pick me up. So.…I
found this outfit. Perfect fit, perfect color…Orange... he HATES orange. Besides, it was a great
deal…over half off! And if I didn't get it, someone else would have gotten it because it was the
only one left! The thought of some stranger walking around in my clothes kind of weird's me out.
Plus, I hadn't done laundry in a month, so I literally had to but it. Thanks TJ Maxx!

CLARITIN (ANY GENDER) (16 years old +)

I never risk driving with an allergy medicine that could make me drowsy. I only drive Claritin
Clear. Only Claritin is proven to make me alert and focused, not drowsy. That way, I can think
and react fast. Get Claritin Clear and get back to feeling like yourself again.
 SOCIETY PERFORMERS ACADEMY
MONOLOGUES AND COMMERCIALS

COMMERCIALS (cont.)
13-18 Years-old
DOVE GO FRESH (GIRL) (16 years old +)
Dove Go Fresh introducing new blue fig and orange and orange blossom scent. It's bright. It's
rich. It's freshness mixed with care. Your skin will sing and you can go fresh three more ways
with scents like pomegranate and lemon verbena, Cucumber and green tea and Plum and
sakura blossom. Go fresh everyday! It's fresh - at it's best!

L'OREAL MULTI-FACETED FERIA (GIRL) (16 years old +)

Don't give me color that falls flat. Give me color that's so multi-faceted that it shimmers from
every angle. Give me Feria from L'oreal Multi-Faceted Shimmering Color. Feria- pure color with
vibrant shimmering I can see. With super hydrating conditioner so I won't wreak or damage my
hair. Give me Feria from L'oreal Multi-Faceted Shimmering Color, because you're worth it.

OIL OF OLAY (GIRL) (16 years old +)

Love the skin you're in. Have you heard that one before? Well, some days it's easier to love
your skin than others. That's why they developed OIL OF OLAY REGENEROUS SKIN CREAM.
It reduces the appearance of fine lines while protecting the natural glow of your skin. OIL OF
OLAY makes it easy to love the skin you're in.

DORITOS (ANY GENDER) (15 years-old +)

The other night I came home after a long day at school. When I walked in, my family and friends
were waiting for me. They just sat there, staring at me. They were there for an intervention. I
mean, I know that I have a problem. I just can't help myself. I am OBSESSED. I try to thing
about anything else. But I just can't………Doritos……once you start, you can't stop

L'OREAL (GIRL) (15 years-old +)

Think quick. With new Quick Stick Make-up by L'Oreal. Quick Stick does everything. In just one
quick minute. Quick Stick covers like a foundation, conceals like a concealer and then finishes
like a powder. With a flawless finish that lasts all day. New Quick Stick make-up by L'Oreal,
because you're worth it.

NEUTROGENA PATCHES (GIRL) (16 years-old +)

So it's the night before the big prom and everything's going perfect. And all of the sudden, out of
nowhere, pops a huge zit! But, not to worry! With new Neutrogena's on the spot acne patches,
that zit will be gone in no time. The tiny little micro-scrubbers dig down deep to zap that zit. So
now your prom can go back to being perfect, just as it should be

LEAN CUISINE (GIRL) (16 years-old+)

I decided long ago that I am not going to eat my way through every fast food restaurant and
pizza joint. I eat healthy. After all it does catch up with you. Lean Cuisine meals offer a healthy
alternative with so many delicious meals that I never get bored. It's not just lean, it's cuisine!