Anthony, Piers - Mode 01 - Virtual Mode
Anthony, Piers - Mode 01 - Virtual Mode
Anthony, Piers - Mode 01 - Virtual Mode
txt
CHAPTER 1 -- COLENE
COLENE had a study hall during the last period, and as an Honor student she had a regular
hall pass. RHIP, she thought: Rank Hath Its Privileges. She smiled marginally, remembering a
cartoon she had seen: two grave -- stones, one plain, one quite fancy. The plain one was lettered
RIP, the fancy one RHIP. She liked the notion. No one chal -- lenged her as she got up and walked
out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom.
She was in luck: it was empty at the moment. She went into the farthest stall, closed and
latched the swinging door, lifted her skirt, took down her panties, and sat on the seat. But she
did not actually use the toilet. Instead she held up her left arm, and used her right hand to
unwrap the winding around her left wrist. It was a style only a few girls affected:
bright red cloth on both wrists, complementing her blue skirt and yellow blouse. It was
attractive, of course, and Colene preferred to be aesthetic, but it was more than that.
For as the band came loose, her wrist showed, horribly scarred. There were welts all
across the inner side, some old and white, others fresh and raw. She gazed at it with mixed awe
and loathing. She was artistic and creative as well as smart, but this was none of these things.
This was closer to' her real nature, ugly and dull and tragic, that had to be hidden from others.
Then she reached down to fetch her compass from her purse. A knife would have been better,
but might also have brought suspicion on her. She lifted the point, set it against her wrist, and
made a sudden, sharp slice across. "Oh!" she exclaimed as the pain came. She hated the pain, but
it was the only way. Maybe she could get a small, sharp knife, seemingly decorative and harmless,
that would cut almost painlessly, and deeper. If she had the nerve. The nerve was | not in the
cutting, but in the acquisition; if anyone saw her
with the blade out, and asked...
The scratch was stinging, but only a bit of blood was show -- ing. She clenched her teeth
and made another pass, in the same track, harder. This time the surge of pain was rewarded by some
real blood. It welled out and flowed slowly across her wrist. It was beautiful, like a rich red
river wending across
a desolate terrain. :
She spread her legs and nudged back on the toilet, so that
she had more space in front. She angled her wrist so that the blood could drip directly
into the water below. The first drop gathered itself, bunched, and finally let go. It struck the
water and spread out, losing its identity as the water diluted it. It
was dying.
Dying. There was the thought that counted. Oh to fall like
that drop into the water, and dissolve, and dissipate, and be
no more. Just to fade away, forgotten.
Drop by drop, coloring the water, turning it slowly pink -- ish. Like menstrual flow, only
more vital. Menstrual flow was associated with life, or potential life. This was associated with
death, and that was infinitely more important, t
Another drop fell to the water, but this one was not red. I It was a tear. That seemed
fitting: blood and tears. For a man t it would be blood, sweat, and tears, but it wasn't feminine
to sweat, so just the blood and tears would do. Her life, gone into the water, flushed down the
toilet, cleanly. Part of the problem with death was the sheer messiness of it. She didn't like
mess. She liked things neat and clean and in order. If
only she could find a way --
The bathroom door opened. Instantly Colene snapped out
of it. She put her wrist to her mouth, licking off the salty blood. She dropped the
compass into her purse. She rebound her wrist with a practiced motion, and tucked in the end so
it was tight. Then she slid forward on the toilet and used it as was its custom, taking
care to make a splash so that the sound advertised the fact of her urination. There were levels
and levels of concealment, and she had learned not to assume that others would get the message she
intended. It had to be too obvious to miss. Nothing but pissing going on here, ma'am.
The other girl chose another stall and settled down. She was not suspicious. Still, it was
nervous business. If anyone were to catch on, Colene would just die of embarrassment. That was not
the way she wanted to die!
She stood, reassembled herself, and flushed the toilet. No blood showed; the drops had
fallen cleanly into the water, leaving no giveaway stains. Yet somehow she feared that the traces
were there, a guilty ambience, so that the next person who used this toilet would somehow know
that a person had flirted with suicide here.
But maybe not. A girl could have changed her tampon, and that was where the blood had come
from. Not a pad, because that couldn't be flushed. A tampon would leave no evidence. Some girls
used pads so as to maintain the pretense that they were virginal, but most preferred convenience,
as did Colene herself. So she was covered.
She went to a sink and washed her hands carefully. No blood showed on her wrists, thanks
in part to the wrapping:
red covered red. The inner layer was absorbent, and would take up the blood and help it
thicken and clot. She would have to wash out the cloth at home, but she was used to that.
Back in the study hall she brought out her compass and wiped the point on a tissue, just
to be sure. Then she brought out her geometry homework, so that no one would wonder about the
compass. Geometry was a snap; in fact, it was boring, because it was two-dimensional. It would
have been more of a challenge in three dimensions, or four. If only they had a class in cubic
geometry, or multi-dimensional construc -- tions. Or fractals: now, there would be one she could
truly sink her teeth into. Class, today we shall take our little pencil and graph paper and define
the complete Mandelbrot Set.
Colene stifled a smile. The Mandelbrot Set was said to be the most complicated object in
mathematics. Even mainframe computers could not fathom the whole of it. Yet it was simply
an exercise in algebra, plotted on paper. How she would love to explore that beautiful
picture! To lose herself in its phe -- nomenal and diminishing convolutions, forever and ever,
Amen.
But this was mundane school, where brains were routinely
pickled in trivia. No hope here.
As the final bell approached, Julie came to sit beside her. It was Friday, and the teacher
in charge knew better than to try to keep things totally quiet in the closing minutes. As long as
they didn't make a scene, they were all right.
Julie had long yellow hair, which she liked to swirl about her face and shoulders. It was
a nice complement to Colene's similar brown tresses. But in other respects they differed more
widely. Julie wore glasses and braces, which made her by definition unattractive; Colene, with
neither, was far more popular. That was a barrier between them, and their friend -- ship was only
nominal, because it was mutually convenient to walk home from the bus stop together.
Actually Colene had no friends, by her definition, though many others called her friend.
It was as if she had an invisible barrier around herself that kept all others at a certain dis --
tance. No one touched her heart, and her heart was lonely. She wished it could be otherwise, but
the truth was that no one she knew at school was the type she cared to sincerely like and trust.
Maybe she was just an intellectual snob, and she felt slightly guilty for that, but only slightly.
If she ever encountered someone with really solid intelligence and integ -- rity, someone she
could truly admire for maintaining stan -- dards she herself could not, then maybe --
"Did you hear?" Julie inquired in a breathless whisper. "The principal canceled the rally
tomorrow!"
Colene had planned on skipping the rally anyway, but she acted properly outraged. "The
nerve of the nerd! Why?" "Too many Bumper Stinkers in the parking lot." Colene remembered: there
had been a rash of bad-taste stickers, using four-letter words and concepts. Principal Brown had
laid down the law: no more of them on the school grounds. Evidently some of the stupid high school
boys had tried it anyway. The principal wasn't satisfied to punish the errant boys; he had to
punish the whole school too. Actually there was reason for this: those stickers would keep reap --
pearing until there was a climate of rejection among the stu -- dents, and that would come
only if all of them paid the pen -- alty. Colene understood, but it would be traitorous to argue
the case.
"What will we do with Brown?" Julie demanded rhetori -- cally. It was a matter of
definition: no matter what happened, the principal was always wrong. That was one of the unifying
principles of the student body.
Colene glanced around, saw that the teacher in charge was not paying attention while
nearby students were, and launched into one of her clever little stories. She was good at this
sort of thing, and she enjoyed it in her fashion.
"Why, we should hold a benefit for him," she said brightly.
"A benefit?" Julie asked blankly, playing the straight man to Colene's act.
"Yes. When he drives up in his Datsun with the tags saying OBITCH -- " She paused, giving
them time to put that to -- gether: DATSUN OBITCH. An expanding circle of sniggers indicated that
the joke had registered. "Then we should stage a gala fund-raising extravaganza, a dunk-the-idiot
benefit, with Principal Brown as the main event. Three balls for a dollar, and whoever scores on
the target makes Brown fall on the biggest, loudest, smelliest whoopee cushion ever put out by the
Ack-Mee Novelty Company!" She put the back of a hand to her mouth and blew the whoopee noise.
It came out too loud. The teacher glanced quickly over at them, and they all had to stifle
their laughter. Then the bell rang, saving them. That reminded Colene of a recording she had once
heard at a party she wasn't supposed to attend: a "crepitation" championship match, in which the
contestants broke wind in novel ways, each effort appropriately named, such as the sonorous
"Follow-up Blooper" and cute little "Freeps," and the end of the round was signaled not by a bell
but a flatulent horn. The school buzzer was actually more like that than a church bell.
JULIE and Colene got off the bus and walked home. It was a pleasant neighborhood, with
neat lawns, trees, and even some overgrown lots that were almost like little jungles. Drainage
ditches were forming into the beginning of a stream that wound on out of the city. Colene had
explored the re --
cesses of that nascent river many times, on the assumption that there had to be something
interesting there, like buried treasure or a vampire's coffin. Maybe even, 0 Rapturous Joy, a lost
horse looking for someone to love it. But all she had
ever found were weeds and mud.
"Groan, I have to go in for X-rays tomorrow," Julie was
saying. "Those damned hard ridges on the pictures always slice up my gums. I don't know
why they can't make them
softer."
"Easy to fix," Colene said brightly. "Just bring the pres -- ident of Code-Ack in for X-
rays, and have his gums and roof -- of-mouth cut up by those corners. Make him really have to chew
down on them for retakes, and tell him, 'Don't be a difficult child now; those things don't hurt!'
I guarantee: next day those edges would be soft as sponges."
"Yes!" Julie agreed, heartened. "If only we could!" But they both knew that nothing that
sensible would ever be done, and that sharp edges would continue to find their helpless victims.
That was just the way of it. The people who manufactured things never actually used them
themselves.
As they approached Colene's house, her wandering glance spied something in the ditch. It
was probably just a pile of cloth, or garbage tossed from a car; there were creeps who routinely
did such things. But she felt a chill, and surge of
excitement. Suppose it was something else?
She said nothing to Julie. She wanted to check this by
herself. Just in case.
They walked on. Julie's house was beyond Colene's house,
so Colene turned off. Her parents weren't home at this hour, of course; they both worked.
Not that it mattered. She had ways in her imagination to glorify the empty home. She liked to
pretend that the drainage ditch behind was a great river that wended its way past the most
illustrious regions: the Charles. Her simple residence became a gloomy mansion on the bank of this
river, where death was a familiar presence. Thus it was the Charles Mansion, a takeoff on a grim
killer in a text on legal cases. Her folks wouldn't have thought that funny, and her schoolmates
wouldn't have caught the allu -- sion. That seemed to be typical of her life: she couldn't relate
well to either parents or peers. But she was the only one who
realized this.
She unlocked the door and entered. She set her books on the table and walked straight on
through to the back door. She unlocked that and went out, glancing back over her shoulder to make
sure that there was no one to see her. It was fun being secretive, despite the fact that her whole
life was pretty much an act, papering over her secret reality. She fancied that she was a princess
going out to discover a fallen prince from a far land. What she would find would most likely be
garbage, but for thirty seconds she could dream, and that was worth something. Even garbage might
be better than tackling her stupid homework early.
She came to the cloth, and froze. It was a man! A grown man, lying face down on the weedy
bank. His clothing was strange, but it was definitely a man. Was it a corpse, thrown here by some
drug gang? Such things did happen, though not in this neighborhood. Of course the neighborhood
wasn't what it represented itself to be either; a lot was covered up for the sake of appearances.
Thrilling to this morbid adventure, she approached. Death fascinated her, though she hated
it. This was as good as watching her blood flow. Would the body be riddled with bullet holes?
She remembered one of her favorite lines, from a song she could not otherwise remember. It
was about some great Irish or Scottish battle, and a sore wounded soldier had staggered back from
the front line. But he had not given up. "I'll lay me down and bleed a while, then up to fight
again!" he declared. She knew she would have liked him. Maybe this was such a man, who had laid
him down to bleed and had forgotten to get up again before overdoing it.
Then it moved. Colene stifled her scream, for all that could do was alert the neighbors
and bring a crowd, and her little adventure would be over. Cautiously she approached.
The man lifted his head, spying her. He moved his right arm, reaching toward her. He
groaned. Then he sank back, evidently too weak to do more.
But if she stepped within reach, he might suddenly come to full life, and grab her ankle,
pull her down, and rape her. It could be just a ruse to get her close. After he had his way with
her, he might kill her and roll her body under the brush near the trickle of water that was the
river. After several days
she would be found, covered by flies, and he would be long
gone.
It was as good a way to die as any. When it came right
down to it, it hardly mattered whether death was pretty or ugly; what counted was that the
escape had finally been made. A certain amount of messiness could be tolerated for the sake of the
novelty. She stepped deliberately within reach.
But the man did not respond. He just lay there, breathing in shudders. Maybe he was sick
with some deathly malady, and she would catch it, and die in horrible agony of a disease
unknown to science.
She squatted. "Who are you?" she asked. The man reacted to her voice. He lifted his head
again,
and uttered something alien, and sank down once more. He really did seem to be too tired
to do more. He hadn't
even tried to grab her ankle or to look up her skirt. He didn't
look diseased, just worn out.
That clothing was definitely strange. His language, too,
was unlike anything she had heard before. Could he be a diplomat from some faraway little
kingdom who somehow got off at the wrong stop and got hopelessly lost? Unable to speak the local
language, perhaps with no local money, he
might simply be starving.
Or he might be hideously dangerous in a way she couldn't fathom. As an innocent fourteen-
year-old girl, she definitely ought to get quickly away from him and phone the police. They could
handle it, whether he was a diplomat or a crimi -- nal. That was the only proper course.
Colene felt the thrill of danger, and knew she was about to do something monumentally
stupid.
She leaned close to his ear. "You must come with me. I will help you. I will help. Do you
understand?"
His hand slid across the ground, toward the sound of her
voice, the fingers twitching.
Maybe he was dehydrated. The day had been hot, though the night would be cold; that was
the way fall was in Okla -- homa.
"I'll be right back," she said.
She straightened up, paused as dizziness took her because of the sudden change of
position, then walked quickly back to her house. She went to the messy kitchen and fetched a
plastic glass. She filled it water from the tap, and carried it out.
The man had not moved. She sat down beside his head, set the water down in a snug
depression, and reached for him. "I'm back," she said. "I brought you water. Can you drink it?"
He tried to raise his head again. She put her hands on it and lifted; then she scooted on
her bottom so that she could set his head in her lap. She held it tilted up, then reached for the
glass. It was a stretch, and she had to lean over his head. Her bosom actually touched his hair.
He did not seem to notice, but the contact sent new waves of speculation through her. Wasn't this
the way the Little Mermaid had rescued the drowning prince? Holding him close, helping him survive
-- until he recovered and married somebody else, never realiz -- ing what he owed to the mermaid.
The tragedy of not even knowing!
She got the glass and brought it to his face, which was now propped against her front.
"Water," she murmured. "Water. Drink. Water." She touched his mouth and tilted the glass.
Suddenly he realized what it was. Eagerly he sipped. She tilted further, spilling some,
but he managed to drink most of it. She had been right!
"More?" she asked, still holding his head and feeling very maternal. "More water?"
His hand came up, questing for something. He seemed to have more strength than before, but
that wasn't saying much.
She sec aside the empty glass and caught his hand with her free one. His fingers were
cold. She squeezed them with her warm ones. His squeezed back.
She was thrilled again. Communication!
Then she decided that she had better get away from him before he recovered too much. She
had already taken a phe -- nomenal chance; it was time to stop pushing her luck to the brink.
"More water," she said firmly, and pulled herself away. She set his head back on the ground,
scrambled up, got the glass, and hurried back to the house.
When she returned with the next glassful of water, the man was struggling to his hands and
knees. He was definitely gaining strength. It would be absolutely crazy to get near him again.
Anything could happen.
She brought the glass to him. But he had now recovered to the point where he might walk,
and he was trying to get to his feet. He was a good deal larger than she was, and surely stronger,
which meant yet again that it was time for her to get away from him. So she dropped the glass and
stepped in and helped him stand.
She put her arms around his body and heaved, and he
lurched to his feet. They staggered toward her house.
At which point Colene thought things through just a bit further. It didn't matter whether
she was being sensible or foolish -- as if there were any question! -- because once the man got to
her house, and her parents came home, the game would be over. They would call the police, and the
police would take the man away, and both parents would bawl her out for her stupidity before
settling into their usual pursuits for the evening. Her father would head off for his date with
his cur -- rent liaison, and her mother would settle down to serious drinking. Things would be
back to normal.
"No!" she gasped. "Not there -- there!" She shoved him away from the house and toward her
shed. This was a solid structure, larger than a dollhouse but considerably smaller than a real
house, perhaps originally intended for storage, but she had taken it over and made it her own
private place. Her parents had learned not to bother her there. It was often enough her main link
with sanity. Sometimes she spent the full night there, rather than watching her mother drink. She
called it Dogwood Bumshed, because a small dogwood tree grew beside it. It wasn't a great tree,
and it wouldn't survive at all if she didn't water it, but it did flower nicely in the
spring, its moment of glory.
The man moved in that direction, yielding to her shove.
She wrenched the door open and he stumbled in. He col -- lapsed on her pile of cushions;
his brief strength had been exhausted. Perhaps that was just as well. "More water," she told him,
and shut the door on him. Now he would not be discovered, by her parents or anyone else.
She fetched the glass, which had fallen and spilled when she helped the man walk. She took
it to the house, filled it again, then checked the supplies of food. There was a loaf of bread;
she took it whole. That would do for a start.
She brought the'things to the shed. The man lay where he
had settled, but revived when she entered. Now he was able to drink by himself; he
accepted the glass from her.
He did not seem to know what the bread was. She opened the package and took out a slice.
He gazed at it blankly. She took a bite of it. Then his face lighted; he finally understood. He
took a slice and bit into it with considerably less delicacy than she had. Oh, yes, he was hungry!
Standing there, watching him eat, Colene finally had time to reflect on what all this
might be leading to. She had res -- cued a man; now what was she going to do with him? He did not
seem to be aggressive, but of course he was weak from hunger and thirst. What would he be like
when he had his strength back? She really should report him now; she had taken much more risk than
she should have, and gotten away with it, but there were limits. She knew nothing about him except
that he was a man, and that was warning enough.
She returned to the house and fetched two blankets from her closet. She knew already that
she was not going to turn him in. He might turn on her and kill her, but that risk in -- trigued
her more than it frightened her. She would see this through to wherever it led, no matter what. If
she could only keep anybody else from finding out about him.
Did that mean she was going to try to keep him captive? After all, how could she stop him
from simply walking out? She didn't know, but until he did depart, she would take care of him.
The man finished the loaf of bread, and Colene returned to the house to get more food. She
couldn't take anything else that would be missed; it would be difficult enough ex -- plaining the
bread. She found some old cookies, and some leftover casserole in the back of the refrigerator;
she could say it was getting moldy so she threw it out. It was getting moldy, but she trimmed off
the mold and took it anyway. She was an old hand at trimming mold, because her mother con --
stantly forgot things; she knew it wasn't anything to freak out about.
The man was glad to have the additional food. But he re -- mained weak, and she knew she
couldn't send him back out into the world. He would just collapse again.
But there was something she had to make clear to him. How could she establish
communication, so as to tell him
what she needed to? For the fact was that her parents would be getting home soon, and if
the man showed himself, the game would be up. He had to remain hidden.
Well, all she could do was try. First maybe they could exchange names. She tapped herself
on the breastbone: "Col --
ene. Colene." Then she pointed to him.
He looked at her, then tapped himself similarly. "Col -- ene."
Oops. She cast about for something else. She picked up a
notepad and pencil, and quickly drew two figures, one small and female, the other larger
and male. She pointed to herself, then to the female. "Me. Colene." Then to the male. "You."
She paused expectantly.
He took the paper. "Me. Colene," he said, pointing to
the female. "You. Darius."
Well, it was progress. "Me Colene, girl," she said, tap -- ping herself again. "You
Darius, man."
He nodded, pointing to her. "Me -- "
"No, you." He looked perplexed, but managed to get it. "You Colene
girl. Me Darius man."
She smiled. "Yes." It was a beginning. He did not know
her language, but he could leam. She drilled him on Yes and No until she was sure he
understood them, and tested him on the picture of the horse on the wall, titled "For Whom Was That
Neigh?" "Man?" she asked, pointing to it. No. "Girl?" No. "Horse?" Yes. He had it straight. Then
she gave her message. She opened the door and pointed to the house beyond. "House. Colene. Yes.
House. Darius. No."
After some back-and-forth, he seemed to understand. But he seemed uneasy, even
uncomfortable.
"What's the matter?" she asked.
Finally he made what might have been taken as an obscene gesture, but he did it in such an
apologetic manner that she knew he wasn't trying to insult her. He touched and halfway
squeezed his groin.
"The bathroom!" she exclaimed, catching on. "You have
to use the -- " But she couldn't bring him to the house for
that!
"Wait," she told him, and dashed back to the house. She
dug out a big old rusty pot and brought it to the shed. "This."
She pantomimed sitting on it. She even made the whoopee noise.
He looked extremely doubtful. "No, I won't watch you!" she said, knowing he couldn't
understand the words, but hop -- ing the sense of it came through. "I have to go to the house,
there." She pointed to it. "So my folks won't know any -- thing's up. I'll try to check back on
you, when I can. You just stay here." Then she stepped out, and closed the door on him.
She was just in time: her father's car was pulling into the drive. She hurried to the back
door and in. She checked the kitchen to make sure that nothing there would give her away, then
went to the front room to pick up her school books. But no, this was Friday, and she never did
homework on Friday. She didn't want to arouse suspicion. She had to be perfectly normal. So she
turned on the TV too loud and plumped down on the couch.
Her father came in. "Turn that thing down!" he snapped.
She grabbed the remote control and diminished the volume just enough to accede without
quite ceasing to annoy him. He went on to his bedroom.
One down. One to go.
An hour later her father, clean, shaved, and neatly dressed, went out again. Colene stared
at the TV, pretending not to notice. She didn't care about his date with his mistress, as long as
he was discreet. Well, maybe deep down she did care, but that was worse than pointless: it only
cut her up further. There was nothing she could do about it anyway. So it was safer not to care.
Fifteen minutes after that, her mother's car arrived. Colene remained before the TV.
Actually her mind was on the man in the shed; she wasn't paying any attention to the program. But
listen to tapes in the day, and had never brought out a light. Now a light would be disastrous,
because it would show that Darius was there.
"I have to go," she said abruptly. "Mom will wonder if I
stay out here too long. But you stay here, and I'll bring you
more food in the morning."
"Yes," he said. She hoped that he really did understand. She slipped out the door, not
opening it wide, just in case her mother was looking this way, and closed it quickly behind her.
Actually there would be nothing visible inside except darkness now, but it made sense to practice
safe manage -- ment. She returned to the house.
Her mother was pretty much out of it by this time. Good. Colene scrounged in the
refrigerator for more to eat, and gobbled it down without bothering to sit. Then she went to her
room. There was her bed, neatly made, and her desk where she normally did her homework, and her
dresser and mirror, and the guitar she hoped someday to leam to play decently. All very
conventional. She kept it that way delib -- erately, so that no one could garner any secrets about
her by analyzing her living space. There was even a set of standard dolls on the dresser. Ken and
Barbie. What a visitor would not know was that she had renamed the male: he was really Klaus. Thus
the pair was Klaus Barbie. There had been a notorious Nazi criminal by that name. She flossed her
teeth, brushed her hair, changed into her pajamas, and lay down on her bed. She stared at the
ceiling.
Sleep didn't come. All she could do was think about Da -- rius, out there in the Bumshed,
and her heart was beating at a running pace. She had to slow it to a walking pace before she could
nod off. She knew from experience with bad nights.
After a time she got up, went to the closet, and changed into her silky nightgown. She
loved the feel of it against her skin. It was long enough so that she wore nothing under it, which
gave her a deliciously wicked feeling. It was a good outfit in which to dream. Very good. In fact,
too good.
Now her heart slowed, but her thoughts turned darker. She remembered the time a few months
ago when her beloved grandmother, one of the mainstays of her young life after the default of her
parents, had sickened with cancer and then died. It was as if the last leg had been knocked out
from under Colene's will to live. Without Grandma, what was the point? She had not exactly told
Grandma about the horrors she had experienced, or how her life had been falling apart,
but she suspected that Grandma knew. It was better to go where Grandma was, and have her
reassurance again. Colene had taken her mother's pills from the cabinet, one sniff of which, as an
Arabian Nights tale put it with suitable hyper -- bole, could make an elephant sleep from night to
night. She swallowed three, then another, pondered, and finally two more. Six was a good number.
Six-six-six was the devil's own number. Sick-sick-sick was what these pills would make her. Sick
unto death. Then she lay down in her sexy nightie -- the one she was wearing now. She wanted to
expire in maid -- enly style.
The elephant pills did not exactly kill her. They put her into a trancelike state in which
she had a vision. In the vision she was exactly as she was, in her naughty nightgown, and
gloriously dying; the church bells were warming up for the somber death toll, and there would be
mourning until the funeral. How sweet she would look in the casket, a red-red rose on her cold-
cold bosom. Other girls would envy her the beauty of that nightgown, knowing that they would not
have the nerve to be shown dead in such an outfit.
Three figures entered the room, coming through the wall, so it was obvious that they were
of the spiritual persuasion. Two were her grandparents, now reunited in the afterlife. Grandma
approached. "Dear, you may not yet die, because there is something you have yet to do with your
life. We love you and will always be with you."
Then the third figure, the stranger, approached. He was clothed in a dark robe and wore a
cowl over his head, and his face was shaded by mist. Who he was she dared not guess, but there was
an inherent glow about him that bespoke his authority. "Colene," he said, his voice full of compas
-- sion and knowledge. "You have to go on. You will not be able to quit. Your life will get
better."
Buoyed by that message, she had roused herself from the vision, stumbled to the bathroom,
poked her finger down her throat, and gagged out the remaining contents of her stom -- ach. "Just
call me bulimic," she had gasped with gallant gallows humor as her heaves expired. She had changed
her mind about dying. For a while.
No one had known. Her mother hadn't even missed the six pills.
Had she done the right thing? Colene could not be sure. Yet now, with the appearance of
Darius, it seemed that there was indeed something for her to do with her life. Maybe her vision
was coming true.
After more time she got up again, slipped her feet into her slippers, turned out the
light, and cracked open the door. She made her way through the house. If her mother asked, she was
just going for another snack. But her mother didn't notice her passage.
Colene got the spare house key, stepped quickly out the back door, and locked herself out.
That way her mother would assume that she had locked them in for the night, and would not check
her room. Colene would use the key to let herself in again later.
It was chill outside, and she shivered as she made her way across the dark back yard to
the shed. Her heart was pound -- ing, but not because of the temperature. She was embarking on
another suicidally foolish risk.
She knocked on the door, then opened it. She couldn't see anything inside, but knew he was
there.
Indeed he was, hunched under the blankets. They really weren't enough, considering his
weakened state. He needed more warmth.
"I should have brought another blanket," she murmured. "But I would have had to take it
from my own bed, and that would be chancy. I'll see what I can do."
She sat down beside him, and pulled at the blankets, re -- arranging them. Then she lay
down, full length beside him, and drew the blankets over them both. "It's warmer this way," she
explained.
He rolled over to face her, and she stiffened with fear. "Please don't rape me," she
whispered. "I really don't like it." Yet she had come out here in her provocative nightgown. He
couldn't see it, of course, but he could feel it. She had gotten under the blankets with him, in
the dark. No jury would convict him.
"Rape?" he asked, not knowing the word.
Now she had to define it! How could she do that? If she managed to get the concept across,
without the use of her pad and pencil, it would have to be by touch, and he might think
she was asking for it. But she had used the word, and she had to explain it.
She pondered, her heart beating so wildly she almost thought her mother in the house could
hear it, let alone Da -- rius. Then she found his right hand under the blanket. She brought it
across his body and up to touch her head. "Yes," she said. Then she took it down to touch her
right breast through the nightgown, as she lay on her back. "Maybe." Finally she put it against
her thigh. "No."
He considered that, while she lay breathing rapidly, her body stiff. Then he reached
across her, not to embrace her, but to find her left arm. He brought it across her body and up to
his head. Her fingers touched his mouth. "Yes," he said. Then he took it down to his clothed
crotch. "No."
He understood! "That's right," she said, squeezing his fingers with hers. "I'm here to
warm you, and that's about it."
"Thank you." He brought her hand to his lips again, and kissed it.
Colene experienced a wild thrill. She knew she should just lie where she was, having made
her point. But it was her nature to risk disaster. Suicide was merely the most extreme extension
of a syndrome that permeated her existence. What -- ever she did, she had to push the limit,
courting trouble. This was folly, but it was her way. Had she been a man, she would have been a
daredevil cyclist, hurdling lines of cars soaked in gasoline, daring the flames to get her. But
she was only a teenage girl, so had to settle for lesser dares.
She rolled over toward him, scooted up a bit, found his head, and lifted hers to kiss him
on the mouth. Then she lay against him, her body touching his full length. Of course he was
clothed, but she wasn't; all she had was the flimsy night -- gown. With her wickedly bare torso
within it, her breasts nudging him with each breath she took.
He put his right arm around her and drew her close. His hand did not wander. She put her
left arm around him. They were embraced.
She had intended only to remain for half an hour or so, but this was such dangerous
delight that she couldn't bring herself to break it off. Slowly her heart eased its horrendous
pace, and she relaxed.
She woke, and realized that she had been asleep for some time, nestled against Darius. He
was warm and she was warm. As far as she knew, he had not touched her even in the "maybe" region.
She was almost disappointed. She fell
back into sleep.
She became aware of the creeping light. "Ohmigod!" she
squeaked. "Morning!"
She scrambled out from under the blanket, startling Darius awake. "My parents!" she said.
"I have to get back to my room, so they don't know where I was!"
He nodded, seeming to understand. She found her slip -- pers, slipped out the door, and
almost flew, wraithlike, across
the yard to the door.
The door was locked. "The key!" she breathed in anguish. She turned about and flew back to
the shed.
A hand reached out. It held her key.
"Thanks!" She snatched it and ran back. The door seemed to make a thunderous noise as it
unlocked and opened. She went in, then turned to lock it again. She put the key away.
Then she forced herself to walk slowly through the house to her room. No one was up. She
was unobserved.
She entered her room, went to the bed, and threw herself
into it. She had made it!
Now she remembered how Darius had given her the key. He knew what it was for and where it
was. He could have kept it from her. He could have raped her. He could had taken the contact of
his hand on her breast last night as a pretext to go wild. It wasn't the kind of breast found in
macho male magazines, but it didn't exactly require padding for a formal gown either. She had
given him every opportunity.
He was either a decent man or he just wasn't interested. She cursed herself for her total,
absolute, unmitigated folly -- and knew she would try to find out exactly which it was. Decency or
disinterest. If it killed her. And it just might. Which was perhaps the point.
CHAPTER 2 -- DARIUS
DARIUS woke as the maiden jumped out of bed in -- the wan light of dawn. For a moment he
was dis -- oriented, but it quickly came back: she was Colene, and she had come back to spend a
chaste night with him, warming him with her company. He appreciated that very much.
She hurried out. She did not speak his language, unsur -- prisingly, but had taught him
some of hers. She had made it plain that she shared her domicile with her parents, who would not
understand Darius' presence here. That too was under -- standable. Certainly he did not want her
to be distressed be -- fore he could get to know her well enough.
He felt something cold against his ankle. It was her key. She would need that to enter her
locked house. He picked it up and moved to the door.
In a moment she appeared, shivering in her pretty nightdress, her breath fogging in the
chill morning air. He saw her small high breasts heaving enticingly. He extended the key. She took
it and ran back the way she had come. He shut the door.
Colene. She was young, but by the same token fresh and pretty. She had courage too, and
intelligence. She seemed eminently suitable. But would she want to do it? It was too soon to tell.
He had time to find out. Unless there was trouble before he did. If there was trouble, he
would have to --
Then he remembered that aspect. He couldn't! He had lost
the signal key!
What was he to do? Without that key he couldn't return. He would be locked in this
reality, and he had already dis -- covered that he was not equipped to survive here.
Well, did it really make a difference?
It was pointless, but the knowledge of his likely demise here caused him to set a higher
value on his life than hitherto. With renewed interest, he reviewed the events of the last few
days.
THE post of Cyng of Hiahtar was an enviable one, but it had its desperate drawback. A
castle was provided, fully staffed and supplied. The Cyng's magic was virtually limit -- less. As
long as he performed.
It was impossible to endure alone for long; every Cyng soon was depleted. The only
practical way to survive was to marry a strong, abundantly happy woman, and draw on her resources
until she was depleted, and then cast her aside in favor of a new one. Because the post was
prominent and the perquisites excellent, many women were willing to endure this, and it was
feasible to maintain a chain of marriages indefinitely. But Darius, new to the post, had rebelled
after divorcing his second wife. She was not a bad person, and they got along well, but she was
depleted. He did not want to marry a series of women for their life forces, daring to love none.
He wanted to marry one for love, and to remain
with her for the full tenure.
The wiser heads had nodded. It was often thus with new -- lings; they just had to leam
from experience. Once a Cyng came to proper terms with the inevitable, he generally settled
down and performed adequately.
Darius went to the Cyng of Pwer. "What are my op -- tions?" he inquired.
"If you will not heed the wisdom of experience, you must leam in your own fashion," the
old man said. "You may marry for love, but you can not keep her long. She will die if you do not
let her go in time. I think you will find it better to marry for other than love."
"The Modes," Darius said. "What are my options there?"
"The Modes are dangerous," the man reminded him. "Of every ten folk who risk them, three
do not return. Of those who do return, half do not achieve their desire. This leaves about one in
three who is successful. I do not recommend this course."
"You would have me suck the joy from endless innocent women instead?"
The Pwer shook his head. "No one forces them. They do it to escape poverty, nonentity, or
pointlessness. It is a good bargain for them. They do not die, and they recover slowly after you
turn them loose. It is a feasible system."
"Not as I see it!" Darius retorted. "I see love and mar -- riage as ennobling."
"You are young."
"Tell me more about the Modes. What can I expect?"
"You can expect the unexpected. Do you understand the theory of it?"
"I understand only that when I appealed to the Cyng of Mngemnt, to provide me some better
way, he sent me to you for the Modes. I never heard of them before."
"Then I will tell you in capsule what we know of them. As you surely do know, I handle the
broadcasting of the magic power that enables all other magic to operate. That power must have a
source. The first Cyng of Pwer found the source in the Modes. We have a number of what he termed
Chips which enable us to relate to the realms beyond our own, and one of these has limitless raw
power. He constructed mech -- anisms to harness this power and convert it to a form we can use. It
is my special ability to channel it, and to keep the mechanisms operative. The Chips still relate
to what seems to be an infinite number of other Modes. But we explore these others at our
considerable risk. We conjecture that they are alternate realities, and that each Chip attunes to
the spot where it would be in that other Mode. In many Modes that spot it empty, without even
earth, water, or air, and whoever goes there immediately dies. In other Modes there is some --
thing there, but not what we like. We have brought back the bodies of those we have sent through,
and they have been burned or dehydrated or mauled, as by some monster. But in some Modes there are
worlds like ours, only different. By
that I mean they may have a comfortable environment, and people, but those people have
drastically different customs from ours. In fact, it seems that even the fundamental laws of magic
differ in them, so that much of what is truth here is
falsity there."
He looked hard at Darius. "We have located a region of fairly safe Modes. But even there,
the risk is as I described. Also, there seems to be imprecision in the tuning of the Chip;
no person seems to go to the same other Mode that any other person has been to. Thus we
can not get to know any one of them well, and it is always a serious gamble. I suggest to you that
it is unwise in the extreme for you to take this gamble, because not only do you risk your own
life, you risk the welfare of our society, which truly needs your ability as Cyng
ofHIahtar."
"Another can assume the post," Darius said.
"But not one as talented as you. That is why it came to you, after the retirement of the
prior Cyng of Hiahtar. You can be the best, and if we lose you, we will have only the next best,
and that will hurt us all to some degree."
He spoke truth. Darius felt guilt. But it was not enough to sway him from his purpose.
"What I may gain must be worth the risk," he said.
"Exactly what do you hope to gain?" Pwer asked sharply.
"A woman who will not be depleted by close association with me. A woman I can love and not
lose. A woman I can marry and never divorce."
"There is no such woman."
"Not in this reality," Darius agreed. "But elsewhere, where other fundamental rules
obtain, there may be women of another nature, who can not be depleted. If I can find one of them,
and bring her back here -- " He broke off, alarmed. "Can I bring her back?"
"Oh, yes. If you are in contact with her when you signal for the return, she will come
with you. Your problem will be finding her -- and if you do, convincing her to come with you.
There are several problems in that connection."
"This has been done before?"
"Yes. Not by a Cyng of Hiahtar, but by others. They have brought back people or things.
Some women have brought back babies or odd animals. But if you want to marry and
love her, you must explain to her what this entails; you must not abduct her, for then she
will hate you and be no true wife to you."
"Well, of course I wouldn't abduct her!" Darius ex -- claimed. "If I were inclined to
treat women in that manner, I would be better off simply marrying a chain of wives here and
casting them aside!"
"Precisely."
"If that is the only problem, then certainly I will -- "
"No. There is worse. We have ascertained through some -- times bitter experience that not
all people or things can be taken. It seems that any person who plays a significant role in his or
her or its Mode -- "
"Its?"
"Some Mode-folk are sexless, and some are mechanical."
Darius shuddered. "Go on."
"No person of significance can be taken. Apparently there is a certain stability; a Mode
will not let go of what it needs to make it what it is. This has a peculiar effect."
"Go on," Darius said, experiencing a chill.
"In general, only those folk who are destined to have min -- imal impact on their
realities can be taken. It may be that their Modes know that these folk are soon to be lost
anyway, and do not try to hold them."
"Do you mean they are about to be accidentally killed?"
"Not necessarily. They may have some terminal malady. You could bring such a one here, but
she would soon die anyway. Or possibly she merely is of little account, so will live but will have
no significant impact. You might find that she has similarly little effect here."
Darius was still struggling with another aspect of this. "You said their Modes know, and
hold those they want. The Modes are conscious? The Modes are like people?"
"We don't think so. It seems more like a stone that does not readily give up any of its
substance. But if part of it has been cracked, a chip may be flaked off with less effort. So you
will have to find a loose flake."
Darius pondered this. A diseased woman? It would be bet -- ter to take one who was about
to be killed. But what kind would that be? A criminal? He did not want to marry that kind either.
The prospects were dimming.
"I anticipate your next question," Pwer said. That was good, because Darius didn't know
what to ask
next. "Yes."
"How do you locate such a woman?" the man said. "The answer is that we can help you there.
There are settings on the Chips. Not many, but enough. We can put you through to a reality that is
livable, with human beings much like us, and where one is suitable. We can make that one female.
We can not guarantee that she is not already married, but of course if she dies that will not
matter. We can not guarantee her age or health or personality. But we can put you close to her.
Not completely close, for our command of this alien device is imperfect, but in her Mode and in
her vicinity. Then you can inspect her, and bring her back here with you if that seems
appropriate. Which brings up your final question." "Yes," Darius agreed, as before. "How do you
return? And the answer is that you will have a signal device, an aspect of the Chip. When you
activate that, I will receive the signal, and will revert you and what -- ever you hold to this
reality. If you do not signal within a month, I will assume you are not going to. Because you are
dead or unable to signal. Without this signal we can not bring you back, because the Chip is
unable to fix on you."
So now Darius had all the information, and was not reas -- sured. He understood perfectly
how three of ten could fail to return, and three or four others would not attain their desire. But
at least some did succeed. That left him hope.
"Suppose I go, and return without a woman?" he said. "Could I then go again, and perhaps
that time find one?"
Pwer stared at him. "Go again? Few have been interested in that! Each time a person goes,
he has about one chance in three of not returning. If you went twice, you would double
your chance of that."
"But I would also double my chance of finding what I
need," Darius pointed out.
"Perhaps. But you could not return to the same other Mode. There are too many of them, and
our way is impre -- cise. Some few have tried to go again to the same one, but
DARIUS got up, for he needed to urinate. The maiden had brought a pot and indicated that
he should use it for such purpose. Her method of communication in this respect had been quaint:
she had made a vulgar poop noise. He was not easy about this matter, but realized that it was best
to oblige her desires. Surely she had reason to keep him out of sight;
his limited experience here had suggested the merit of her case. So he remained confined,
and did what was necessary. He used the pot and covered it.
He was hungry again, and hoped she would bring more of her strange food. He knew that she
could not act with com -- plete freedom, because she was young and had to maintain the semblance
of her normal life-style. She seemed to be resourceful, and she was certainly healthy. How could
it be that she would either have minimal impact in her Mode, or soon die?
He thought of the night just past. He had expected to be alone. Evidently she had sneaked
out to join him for a while, then stayed longer than intended. He was grateful for that; he had
been cold, and her warm little body had been a great comfort.
More than that. It was clear that she knew the effect such a body could have on a man, and
she had addressed the matter forthrightly, considering their lack of a common vocabulary. She had
set his hand on her head, breast, and hip, identifying what was a permissible touch and what was
not. Then she had slept against him, trusting him. He liked that.
Of course he had not touched even the part of her where
the proscription was vague. It was not that her breasts were inadequate; they were
extremely nice, being neither insignif -- icant nor ponderous. They had the filling perkiness of
youth. It was that he could tell by her nervousness and tightness that she was afraid. She had
offered him somewhat, hoping that he would be satisfied with that, but even that much was not her
desire.
Why, then, had she come at all? Because he was cold, and she wanted to warm him. She was
generous despite her fear. He liked that too; in fact, he was quite impressed.
But that was not quite all. She had come dressed in only the sheerest of garments, no
protection against the cold. No protection against any inclination he might have had. She had made
sure he knew it, by causing his hand to touch it. Her pulsing breast might as well have been bare.
Was it to tease him? No, for she had not labeled that breast "No."
Why had she placed herself at what she surely believed was serious risk, when she could
have avoided it by wearing more substantial clothing?
Perhaps she had come out on a whim, and not thought to dress more appropriately. She had
intended to sleep in her warm house, but stepped out to check on him; then, finding him cold, she
had wanned him. Yes, that would explain it. She was young, and therefore somewhat foolish, not
thinking things through. If he remained here another night, and if she came again, she would be
better clothed.
She was obviously the one he had come for, and he liked her very well. He had maintained a
mental blank in lieu of a picture of the kind of woman he sought, but Colene was far superior to
whatever he might have envisioned. As soon as he knew enough of her language to make his mission
clear, he would ask her whether she would like to return with him to his reality and be his wife.
He would of course have to make clear the nature of the relationship, which was no or -- dinary
marriage. She would have to understand that if she turned out to be unable to withstand depletion,
he would have to divorce her despite still loving her. He could appreciate how that might annoy
her.
Then the brutal realization struck him. How could he even risk taking this sweet maiden to
be depleted? She was evi -- dently no special type who would be immune to the effect.
And even if that were not the case, how could be bring her back -- when he could not
return himself? He had lost the key!
Dispirited, he returned to the blankets and buried himself under them. The cold was not
AFTER a period, the maiden came again, bearing food. This time she was somewhat better
prepared: she had a box and a jug and a bowl and a curious spoon. She opened the box and poured
some bits of something into the bowl, then opened the jug and poured something he recognized --
milk -- into the bowl with it. She gave him the bowl and spoon, and made gestures as of using the
spoon to eat the peculiar mix -- ture.
He tried it. He dipped out both milk and food-bits and put
the spoon in his mouth. The bits were crunchy, and the milk not sufficient to slake his
thirst, but of course this was only
one spoonful.
Colene smiled. Evidently this was the proper way to do it. She was now attired in a
completely different outfit: a heavy shirt, solid cloth shoes, and some kind of tight blue
trousers. No woman in his reality would allow herself to be seen in such clothing, for it was
disturbingly similar to nakedness from the waist down. The muscle of her posterior flexed vis --
ibly as she walked, and there was no looseness at all in the region of her groin. The contrast
between her decorous upper section and indecorous nether section was startling.
She sat on the floor to watch him eat, folding her legs so that her feet were crossed and
her thighs were wide apart. He tried to avoid looking at this embarrassing display, but he could
not do so without turning his face completely to the
side. The worst of it was that the maiden seemed to be com -- pletely oblivious to her
erotic display. Her manner suggested that her concern was only with his consumption of the milk --
and-bits concoction.
He tried to be similarly oblivious, but her spread crotch was directly in the line of
sight of his bowl and spoon, and his gaze could not help but center on it. There was no doubt:
she wore no diaper beneath those alarming trousers. He was getting a reaction. He felt a
flush coming to his face.
"Trouble?" she inquired, becoming aware of his distress. "Food bad?"
How could he explain, without similarly embarrassing her? But she insisted on knowing.
Finally he set down bowl and spoon, put his two hands on her projecting knees, and pushed them
together.
For a moment she was confused, then startled. Then she burst out laughing. She laughed so
hard that she fell over backwards, drawing her legs up against her body and kicking her feet from
the knees. This was no improvement; not only was her indecorous region in view, it was flexing.
His face was now burning.
Finally she exhausted her mirth. Then she kneeled beside him, kissed him on the cheek, and
gave him another lesson in clothing and culture. "Blue jeans," she said, touching the tights.
"Okay. No show bad."
Maybe so, by her definition, but the suggestion was nev -- ertheless overpowering.
She pointed to his crotch. "You. Sit. Same."
That was true, but he was a man. Also, his clothing was considerably looser in that
region, revealing no private con -- tours.
Colene was unconvinced. "Oh, Darius -- you make me laugh."
True, he had made her laugh -- and he had experienced no depletion. But he realized that
was because'magic was not operative in this reality. Here, it seemed, the transfer of emo -- tion
did not cost the source. Indeed, he had not even been trying to make her laugh; she had done it on
her own.
That gave him something to think about. Was it possible that she was a self-generating joy
person? If so, she was per -- fect! But he could not presume too much; her ready laughter
might merely be because her level was high, and could be as readily depleted as that of
any other person.
At least he had learned something: in this reality, the mere fact of physical material
covering a region was considered sufficient discretion. Her entire genital region had been ex --
posed in outline, but because there was opaque material be -- tween her flesh and his vision, she
had no concern. That explained her action of the night too: her breast had been quite tangible to
his touch, soft and warm, yet because there had been a thin barrier of material, she considered it
no ex -- posure. Apparently she believed that he could have no sexual excitement if he saw or
touched the outline, rather than the direct flesh. Perhaps that was the way of men here, being
unmoved by views that would have maddened men of his own reality. He would school himself to react
accordingly, difficult
as it would be.
Now he was glad he had been cautious during the night!
Had a woman of his own reality come to him in the manner Colene had, lightly garbed,
sharing his bed, and placing his hand on pans of her body, it could only have been because she
wished very much to fornicate with him. Her Yes and No would have been merely indications of the
approach he was to make: first kissing, then fondling, and finally copulation if she did not
change her mind. It would have indicated phe -- nomenal trust in him, for men were not known for
diffidence once embarked on the exploration of female flesh. He had assumed that her actions were
not identical in significance to those of women of his own reality, and made no attempt at all to
pursue a sexual experience. This, as it had turned out,
had been the correct course.
But how would it have been if he had not been greatly depleted from exposure, thirst, and
hunger? At that time, the thing he needed most had been warmth. She had brought him that, and it
had enabled him to sleep in comfort and to re -- cover more of his well-being. A sexual effort
might have been beyond his means. So he had taken her warmth, and nothing else, gambling that her
ways differed from those of women in his own reality. Had he been robust, he surely would have
interpreted her actions as an invitation. In that he would have been gravely mistaken, as he now
understood, after seeing
her way with clothing.
He had, he knew, been lucky.
"You. Think." She tapped her head as she spoke, watch -- ing him.
"Yes. I. Think." He tapped his own head. That was a new word, but clear in this context.
"Think. What?"
"What" was a general query term he had learned to use. When he pointed to an object and
said "What?" she would name the object. Now she was inquiring what he was think -- ing.
How could he tell her? It was complicated, and he lacked the vocabulary, and perhaps the
information would affront her. "No," he said, smiling to show that this was intended as a positive
negation rather than bad feeling.
"Yes," she said insistently. He was beginning to realize that she did not respond well to
"No" when she wanted something. "Tell. Me."
He was obliged to try. He cast about for some way, and saw a small inert figure in the
comer, in the likeness of a very young girl. There was something common to both re -- alities!
Like all who were serious about magic, she had effi -- gies.
Serious about magic? But there was no magic here, as far as he had been able to ascertain!
He had been making another potentially dangerous assumption.
"Try," he agreed. He pointed to the effigy. "What?"
Colene looked. "Doll," she said, picking it up. She cra -- dled it as if it were a baby.
"Play."
Play? Was that what they called sympathetic magic? No, probably it meant something quite
different. He would have to be extremely careful about that term, until he was sure of its nature.
"Doll. Me."
She gave him the effigy. He held it with his left hand, and extended his right hand.
"Doll. Me."
Colene considered momentarily, then went to the comer. There, in a box, was another
figure. This one was male. Good.
She gave him the second doll. He held up the male. "Me." Then the female. "You."
She nodded. She was paying close attention.
He put the male down and covered it with a comer of a
blanket. Then he brought the female, as if she were walking. She came to lie beside the
male.
"Last night," Colene said.
"Night," he agreed; that seemed to be the time of dark -- ness. But he made sure. He waved
his hand, indicating their surroundings. "What?" Y
"Day. Light."
"Night Light," he said, pairing the opposites.
"No. Night. Day. Dark. Light. Night-Dark. Day-Light."
After a moment they got it straight. This was Day, and the time of sleeping was Night.
He indicated the dolls. "Day. No. Night. Yes."
She nodded again. "You. Me. Night." There was no doubt of her interest.
Now he needed to convey the concept of his home reality. That might be impossible. "You.
Me. Things. Here." He gestured, trying to show themselves and their surroundings. "Day. Night.
Day. Night. There." He tried to indicate some -- thing far away.
Colene said something, seeming to understand. He hoped that was the case. "Here." He
touched the two dolls. He moved the arm of the male to touch the female's head sec -- tion. "Yes."
Then her chest region. "Maybe." Finally her leg. "No." After that he put them close together
without motion.
Colene nodded. "Us. Last night."
Us. Evidently the two of them. "Yes." Then he made the faraway gesture. "There." He moved
the dolls to another place. Then he repeated the action between them. But this time the male doll
did not sleep. Instead it became more active, covering the female.
She still seemed to understand, but was not concerned. "You. Me. Here," she said firmly.
"No. There."
Clear enough. She understood that in his Mode, she could not expect to be left alone at
night. But in her Mode, the local customs prevailed.
DAYS passed. Each night Colene came to share her warmth with him, though she brought
another blanket that sufficed against the cold. He held her and did no more, though his strength
was returning and he did desire her. She was
young, he reminded himself, probably not more than five years into nubility, but enticing.
They continued to talk, and he learned enough of her lan -- guage so that in due course
they could cover more sophisti -- cated topics. Now he could tell her where he had come from, and
what his mission had been -- and what had happened. Their dialogue was extended and fraught with
misunderstand -- ings and missing terms, but in essence it was this:
"So you came all the way here from your fantasy world to marry me?" she asked. "Only you
got mugged and lost your ticket home?"
"This is too simple," he protested. "I came here to dis -- cover whether you were right to
marry. But this is uncertain. Now it does not matter, since I can not return."
"And am I?"
She cut so quickly to her aspects that he often had to pause to follow them. "Are you
right to marry? I am not sure, but I am hopeful."
"What would make you sure?"
"That is complicated to tell. But there is no need, since I will die here."
"Why will you die?"
"Because I can not endure without magic. I have no way here to support myself, and soon
you will tire of bringing me food. Already I feel the depletion of my separation from my reality.
When it becomes too great, I will seek as easy a death as I can manage."
"You hurt, and you will die?"
"Yes. I am not like you. But I thank you for the great comfort you have given me."
She looked at him intently. "You are not joking, are you?"
"The King of Laughter does not joke." This was hardly a precise translation of his role in
his own Mode, but it was what she best related to.
"If you were going back, would you take me with you?"
"If I could return, I would want to do that. But only if I knew that it was right, and
that you wished to. Marriage to Hiahtar is no easy matter.''
"Even though I am only fourteen?"
Darius was startled. "I thought you were older! Unless our years differ."
"I don't think they do. Everything you have told me sug -- gests that your world is the
same as mine, except for the way
you live. So does it matter?"
"In my reality it does not. Every person does what
he chooses, if he can do it well enough. If you truly un -- derstood the requirements of
the marriage, it would be
honored."
"Like having sex with you?"
"No, marriage is not necessary for that. It is a more im -- portant commitment."
"Because of the mergence of life forces?"
"Yes." She shook her head. "You know I don't believe you."
"Yes. I think you would believe only if you could be in my reality. What you have done for
me has been most gen -- erous, since you can gain nothing in return."
"Do you really live in a castle with many servants, and do
magic?"
"My servants usually do the magic for me. My ability is
joy, not conjuring."
"Tell me again what you do." "Colene, I will not be doing it any more, because -- "
"Tell me!" He did not understand her intensity. "I bring joy to the
multitudes. I make them laugh."
"Then you are a comedian."
"No. I do not tell funny stories or do funny things. I infuse joy directly, so that they
can laugh at what merits
it."
"That's what I don't understand! How can you -- I mean,
that's not the way it works!"
"How does it work here?"
"Each person's pleasure and pain come from inside him. If he sees or hears something
funny, he laughs and feels good. If he sees something bad, he is unhappy. If something hurts his
body, he feels pain, but the pain is from his nervous system, not the other thing. If he loves or
hates, the emotion is all in himself. He can't receive it like an electric current
from anyone else."
"Physically that is true for us too. But emotionally we can
transfer it. It is my post to transfer joy to others."
"But if you can do that, that doesn't mean you lose it yourself!''
"Indeed it does! It is my emotional substance being shared."
"But then you would be miserable after making one person happy."
"No. I have a special qualification for the post. I can mag -- nify my joy as I transfer,
making a thousand people happy, while I suffer only a little depletion. Most people can ex --
change only on an even basis, as you say, but some can mul -- tiply, and I can multiply better
than any other. That is why I am Cyng."
"Then what's your problem?"
"There are many thousands who need joy. So many that I can not serve them all without
eventually being depleted. But I can not stop, because then everyone would become un -- happy. ''
"What does a wife have to do with it?"
"My wife shares her joy with me. I can then share it with others, multiplied. Were she
able to share on an even basis, that would double my ability to serve. But normally women are
found who can multiply somewhat themselves, so that I may receive what two or three others might
provide. That can enable me to carry on for a year or more, before we are both depleted."
"What happens then?"
"I must divorce her before she dies, so that she can re -- cover. Then I must marry
another, so that I can continue my work."
"How could you do that to one you loved?"
Darius spread his hands. "I can not. That is why I elected to search in other realities."
"So you could find me, and take me back, and deplete me, and cast me aside after a year?"
"Oh, no, Colene! I am looking for a woman who can multiply the way I do, so that I can
love her and never cast her aside. There are none in my reality."
"And you think I might be one like that?"
"I hope you are. The Chip oriented on women who might be like that. But the Chip is
fallible. It may be that it is a misreading."
"How can you tell?" "There is no sure way except to bring you back with
me."
"And if I am not right?"
"Then I could not marry you. You would be provided for;
I could make you one of my servants."
"One of your servants!"
"The Chip can not focus on precisely the same reality twice. You could not return to your
own realm. But you could have a good life with me. Just not as my wife."
"Thanks a lot!"
She was evidently angry. "I do not understand."
"That's for sure!" She lurched to her feet and charged out
of the shed.
But later she returned, with more food. "I am sorry I blew up at you, Darius," she said.
"I know your culture is way different from mine, and you didn't think you were insulting
me."
"That is true. I am sorry I insulted you. Please tell me in what manner I did that, so
that I can avoid doing it
again."
"With us, a wife is different from a servant. A wife you love; a servant you maybe don't
care much about. If you see me as a potential servant -- "
Darius was stricken. "No! It is this way in my land too! It is that at least I could be
with you, if I couldn't marry
you."
She stepped close to him. "How do you really feel about
me, Darius?"
"It is my hope that you are suitable, and that you will be
willing to -- "
"Forget suitability! What about we?" "I can't forget suitability, because marriage to me
would
kill you if -- "
"But you can't go back, so that doesn't matter! All there
is, is you and me. So how do you feel?"
That made him pause. She was right; he could not go back. All he could do was remain here
until he died. "I can not marry you here either, because -- "
"Nobody asked you to!" she flared. "Will you answer the
question!"
He looked at her with an altered appreciation. He had been so girt about by the problems
of his isolation and his depen -- dence on her for food and information that he had not allowed
himself to think of her as a feeling creature.
She was small, the top of her head reaching just above his shoulder. Her hair was brown,
with slight curving, just touching her shoulders. Her face, framed by it, was rounded, except for
a slightly pointed chin. Her eyes were large and round and brown. She wore a dress, perhaps in
deference to his problem with the blue jeans, and she never sat in that particular position when
wearing it. But now she was standing, nicely proportioned, small of chin, breast, waist, and hip
but well balanced and extremely feminine.
But appearance was only one aspect of a person. Colene had shown great patience, teaching
him her language, and good judgment in the food and clothing she had brought for him, and had been
responsible about things like emptying the privy pot. She had wanted him kept out of sight, and
though it made him a virtual prisoner here, he felt she was correct in her judgment about this.
She had made it as com -- fortable for him as was feasible. Her personality was nice;
she laughed often, and was direct in her dealings with him. She was generous, going to the
trouble and discomfort of sharing her warmth with him at night despite the risk of discovery.
Yet still he could not answer, for there was more than all of this in the question.
Feelings were bidirectional things, and if hers were not there, his could not be either. There was
one more thing he had to know.
"May I handle you?" he inquired.
"You want to have sex with me?" Now she was guarded.
"I must give that a qualified answer. I do find you desir -- able, but that is not my
intent at the moment."
"You may handle me," she said, understanding that this was not a casual thing. He had to
do this in order to deter -- mine the answer to her question. How he felt about her de -- pended
in considerable part how she felt about him.
He put his arms around her back, drawing her in close. Her body yielded to him, and she
lifted her face. He knew that magic did not work here, but perhaps just a bit of his
peculiar power could be invoked. His power to relate to the emotions of others: to receive
and return their joy. Perhaps, with the closest and most evocative contact, he
could know.
He kissed her: just a touching of his lips to hers.
CHAPTER 3 -- KEY
SHE knew it had not been long externally, but internally it was as if she had stepped
across realities, or Modes as Darius put it. Then she was sobbing against his shoulder, and it
wasn't disappointment but relief: now she knew how he really felt about her -- and he knew how she
felt about him. She had not really believed in electricity between people, or in instant knowing.
Not until now.
Soon enough she pulled herself together. She had learned to make quick recoveries. She
drew him down, and they sat side by side, leaning against the back wall of the shed, her right
fingers interlaced with his left fingers.
"So it's love," she said matter-of-factly. She had to tackle it this way, as if it were
something she had observed from afar, that didn't concern her, because that was the only way she
could handle it at the moment. "We have to talk."
"We have talked," he said.
"Not this way. You can't marry me here, because I'm un -- derage and you'll die soon
anyway. But you can -- "
"No. Your love suffices."
She laughed. She did that often with him, and now she knew why. "I wouldn't tell, Darius.
I'm good at keeping secrets, honest. You've been a real gentleman, and I like that a lot. But
that's not it. You can tell me exactly how to get to your reality."
"But even if I could return, and take you there, there would
be no certainty -- "
"I know. If we went there, and you couldn't marry me, I'd be your servant. The forms don't
matter. Now I know how you feel. I want to go with you, Darius. Just tell me
how.''
He seemed surprised. He thought this kind of discussion was useless. He might be right,
but she had a notion. "I must have the key. That, in my hand, becomes the signal. Then Pwer will
revert me to my reality, together with what I hold.''
"So if you are holding me, I'm there too."
"Yes."
"How do you activate the key? Is there a button on it?"
"No. My mind does it. I touch it to my forehead and make
my desire."
"You make a wish!" sheexclaimed. "That makes sense!"
"Yes. No one else can activate it. It is attuned to me. It amplifies my wish to return,
and that signal crosses the re -- alities, and the Chip responds. I need it, and it needs me.
Separate, we both are useless."
She squeezed his fingers reassuringly. "So if you could recover that key -- "
"I could return. But it's lost."
"But if I found it for you -- "
His fingers stiffened against hers. "If you could do
that -- "
"I can't promise, Darius, but I'll try."
"You give me hope! If I had that key, I would take you with me."
"That's the idea, you know."
His face turned to her. "But you don't believe."
"I believe you love."
"That is enough, I think." They leaned together and kissed. Again she felt the magic
tingle of passion, intimacy, and commitment. All that she lacked in her own poor life she had
found in Darius. She knew.
She spent the afternoon stocking supplies. She had some money of her own, and she used it
to buy groceries at the only store within walking distance that was open on Sunday. She piled them
into the shed. "These are canned goods,"
she explained. "You open them with this can opener. They may not taste good cold, but
they'll feed you."
"But why are you doing this?" he asked.
She faced him seriously. "This is Sunday. Tomorrow I go back to school. I think I know how
to find your key. But getting it may be tricky. If I don't come back, I don't want you to starve.
Stay here as long as you can, and when you can't, well, you'll just have to go out. But I'll try
to get back here okay. This is just in case."
"Just in case what?" he demanded, alarmed.
She shook her head. "Darius, it's been beautiful here with you. You have made me believe
in human decency again. But out there's the real world. It's not all that nice. Please don't ask
me to tell you any more."
"If I ask, you will tell?"
"Yes. But please don't."
"Then I ask you only to be careful."
"Thank you." She kissed him. She liked doing that. Not only did it make her feel good, it
made her feel good about it. He was a good man, and he welcomed her kisses, and he asked no more
than that. It was love fulfilled. For now. Until she had the chance to prove her love, in a way he
might not understand if he knew.
MONDAY, school day, Colene headed out to the bus with her books. Her attendance the past
two weeks had been spotty; she had pleaded illness, then sneaked out to be with Darius. But she
had done her homework, because she didn't want to bring any unnecessary suspicion on herself. She
had done it with Darius, teaching him words and explaining things as she went along, and it had
actually been pleasant.
The thing about Darius was this: he might be crazy, or he might be lying, making up a
story about a magic land so he wouldn't have to say where he really was from. But she liked his
story, and the meticulous detail of it, and she liked him, with his archaic ways and respect for
her body. It was fun having a man to herself. Since she had found him, she had not sliced her
wrists. Her skin was healing over; she could probably take off her wrist wraps now, and the scars
would not be fresh enough to attract attention.
In fact, all the time she had known him, she had been very
like a normal girl. She had laughed, meaning it, liking his confusions, liking his
company, liking him. When at last he had kissed her, she had become a normal woman. A woman in
love.
Love. At first she had held it at arm's length, uncertain what to do with this weird
emotion. Was it real, or just some -- thing she imagined? She had heard that girls her age only
thought they could love, and were actually in love with the idea of love. Maybe that was true for
some. Maybe for most. But not for her. What she felt swept all other considerations aside. It was
like a magic fire, burning away all her prior supports, making ashes of other interests. Now there
was only Darius. Everything she did was with his welfare in mind. Even what she would do today.
"Tell Biff I want to deal," she said to a boy she knew had a connection.
He was startled. "You?"
"Not his way. But if he has what I want, I'll deal."
She went to classes, and she shone. That extra homework time was paying off. Normally she
skimped on schoolwork, and was bright enough to get by with high grades anyway;
now she was prepared with research done for the joy of doing it with Darius, who was
unfailingly interested in all the things of her world. What had been dull became interesting with
him, and by the time she got it all explained to him, she knew it better than she had thought
possible. But her performance was incidental; it was only to reassure everyone that Bright Little
Colene had everything to live for, and nothing on her mind except classwork.
At lunch she was about to sit down with her tray when she saw a young man of about
eighteen standing in the doorway to the rear exit. That was Biff. He was theoretically a student,
but somehow he never attended classes. Students carefully ignored him unless they wanted something
illegal. Then they dealt, making what deals they could. If the school adminis -- tration knew
about it, it pretended ignorance, knowing that Biff could quickly be replaced by something worse.
She set her tray on a table, picked up the half-pint carton of milk, opened it, and walked
to that door. Biff faded back out of sight. She came to stand between the doorway and the
large trash container, drinking her milk. She faced back to -- ward the main chamber.
"Yeah?" It was Biff's voice from the other side of the doorway.
"I want something."
"What?"
"It's a sort of gray metal button, like a slug, only thicker and brighter. It was on a bum
who got rolled two weeks ago. He wore funny clothes. He gave some punks the finger, and they
pounded him."
"What's it to you?"
"It's a memento. I heard it's a luck charm."
"I don't mess with luck charms."
"I want it bad. This one, no other."
"How bad?"
"I'll game for it."
He laughed, harshly. "You want it, you bring money."
"I have no money. Make another offer."
"Stand out where I can see you."
She finished her milk, dumped the balled carton into the container, and stepped into the
center of the doorway. She was wearing a light white sweater and black skirt, both too tight. She
inhaled, turning. She hated this part, but it was all she had to bargain with. Biff could get
girls, but they were either his type, which was no novelty, or under duress, which was no fun.
What he wanted was a high-class young one who would pretend she liked it. Colene had acted high-
class for years, and she knew how to pretend.
"Okay. One week."
Now she laughed. "I'm a clean girl! One night."
"You ain't clean! Four guys had you."
"Not lately. I'll put four guys in jail, they come near me again. I never ate or sniffed.
I'm clean."
"But you drank." , "Never again!"
"No jail, if you deal. None of that." He meant no charges against him.
"None of that," she agreed. "Two nights."
"You don't want it bad enough."
"You don't even have it." Then, signaling the approach of someone dumping a tray in the
trash, "Pause."
When the person moved on, she said, "Resume." Part of the deal, when anyone talked with
Biff, was to keep it quiet.
"I can get it." Her heart leaped. "You know of it? It has to be only that
one."
"They couldn't fence a slug. No value. I can get it. To -- morrow."
"I said I'd game, I win, what I want. You win, what you
want."
"That slug against one week, smiling." Not only would
she have to do anything he wanted, short of drugs -- there were reasons to keep a clean
girl clean -- she would have to take his side if they were caught, swearing she was his girl --
friend and that there had been no coercion. She gagged at the notion, but had to accept. There was
a screwball honor in this sort of dealing, enforced by those who had no con -- science, just
business sense.
"Yes."
"What game?"
"I'll decide."
"Before my friends."
"Before your friends. But I deal only with you."
"Pot sure! Tomorrow, after school. Come to my car."
"Only if you have what I want."
"I'll have it." She walked away. The preliminary deal had been struck.
He would bring the key and she would bring her body. The outcome of the game was
uncertain, but if she had to, she would game again for the key after paying off the first game.
The important thing was that he knew what it was and would
get it. Darius could have it back.
This was the part Darius might not understand. He had odd notions about honor and
chastity. If she had to give her body to a lout like Biff to win back the key -- well, she had a
ploy she hoped would avoid that.
IN the afternoon she was in a daze. She went through classes mechanically. She would get
the key -- but would that really solve anything? For she simply did not believe in that alternate
universe of his. If she gave him the key, what could he do except prove that it didn't work? Then
his fantasy would
be exposed, and a major part of his appeal for her would be diminished. As long as he
lacked that key, he was the King of Laughter from an alien reality. With it, he might be only a
deluded refugee from some mental hospital.
Why was she risking so much, for such likely disappoint -- ment?
Maybe she had been fooling herself. She remainded as suicidal as ever. She had merely
found a new way to flirt with death. Because if she lost the game, and Biff had his way with her
for a week, she might as well die. Maybe the key was just a pretext. Maybe her love for Darius was
just a pretext.
No!
The teacher paused. "A problem, Colene?"
Her pain had shown on her face. "I'm better. Miss Grum -- man, honest! Maybe I ate too
fast."
The teacher let it pass. Colene suppressed her thoughts and paid better attention in
class. It was a fair deal.
But on the way home that question resumed. She hardly responded to Julie's chatter. Was
she making a mistake? Was she about to torpedo her dream? For even if the illusion didn't end for
Darius, it would for her.
Back home, she hurried to the shed. "Oh, Colene, I am so glad to see you!" Darius
exclaimed, embracing her. "I feared I would not."
"I have made a deal to recover your key," she said. "To -- morrow."
He stared at her. "You really can recover it?"
"The punks who mugged you couldn't fence it. They thought it was just a fancy slug. I can
get it."
"You can buy it?" He had had trouble with the concept of money, but understood it
reasonably well now.
"I asked you not to ask."
He was silent. She kissed him, and it was good.
But that night she broached the matter herself. She had discovered that an aspect of love
was an extreme reluctance to deceive the object of that love. That was awkward, but there was
nothing for it but to play it through. "Darius, there are two ways to do this. I am going to
gamble, and if I win, I will have the key for you. If I lose, I will have to be away
from you for a week, at night, anyway. I -- you said you desire
me. I think maybe tonight -- "
"No. I want to marry you, unsullied according to your
code."
"But I -- " She could not continue. How could she tell him
she might be bound for a week of disgusting sex with a crim -- inal lout, pretending she
liked it, when she had told Darius no? He thought she was pure. "All the same, I think -- "
"No." If she won the game, and got the key without having to
pay, and he used it and it didn't work, then the dream would be gone and it would be
foolish to have sex with him. If she lost, she would have no pretense of being the kind of girl he
wanted. Now was the only time.
"Darius, I told you no before, but now I tell you yes.
Please -- "
"No. I will not have you sully yourself by your code for
me. I will marry you in honor."
She had never expected this. It wasn't that she was eager for sex; that was far from the
case. It was fraught with lia -- bilities the sex-ed teachers hardly imagined. But if she had it
with anyone, she wanted it to be him. If she had to have it with someone else, she wanted it first
with Darius. But he, with his incomplete understanding of the situation, would not hear of it. If
she told him the full truth, he would probably
forbid her to recover the key that way.
They were, in their fashion, having a lovers' quarrel. It was not nearly as delightful as
she had thought such a thing
would be.
She thought of trying to seduce him, of sleeping naked
with him. But she realized that this would only demean her in his eyes, and she didn't
want that.
How she wished she could believe in his reality!
TUESDAY after school, modestly garbed, she sought Biff's car in the parking lot. Students
she knew were runners stood casually here and there, making sure there were no authorities. That
protected her as well as him, because both wanted to deal in private. "You have it?"
He lifted a gray disk that exactly fitted the description Da -- rius had given. "May I see
it?"
He handed it to her. She turned it over. There, in tiny etching, was the coding Darius had
described. She had not told anyone of this. It was genuine.
She handed it back. "This is it."
"In," he said. "Down."
She walked around the car and got in. She ducked down so that she was not visible from
outside. He drove cautiously out, and around the block, checking for pursuit. Satisfied there was
none, he drove to his club house across town.
"Up," he said, and she sat normally in the front seat. "How come a clean chick like you
wants a damn slug so much?''
She was prepared. "There's a man. He said I could have what I wanted if I got it for him.
He doesn't really want it;
he just thought I couldn't get it. So I'm getting it."
Biff did not seem to believe her, but was satisfied that she did want it. Few people in
his business cared to give their real reasons.
They arrived at the club house. They entered. Inside were four men. She had expected
disreputable types, but these were clean-cut. They were also older, in their thirties and forties.
No juvenile thugs, these; they were the real thing.
"Before we deal," Biff said. "This never happened. No one was here."
"Yes. You too. No one talks. You win, no one knows how I paid. Not like those four
rapists."
Biff nodded. "No one talks. It's private." There was, as she had reflected before, a
certain honor in such transactions. No one wanted the police to get wind of either drug opera --
tions or juvenile sex. The police wouldn't get rid of either, they would only complicate things
for all parties.
"And no welshing," she said. "I win, you give me the slug and take me back near where I
live. No rape."
Biff smiled. "If you win to the satisfaction of my friends, no problem. I settle my
deals."
"You win, you have me smiling for a week," she said, making sure they were agreed. "Nights
only; I can't skip
more school. No drugs, no bondage, no hurting. No mark -- ing."
"Kid, I like you," Biff said. "Agreed. Now, what's your
game?"
Colene nerved herself. Then she began removing her
clothes. "You, me, naked. Endurance. The one who fills
most cups without falling wins."
Biff smiled. "Naked endurance? Chick, I know you ain't
thinking what I'm thinking!"
"For sure," she agreed, removing her shoes and socks. "Naked to prove there's no cheating.
No hidden tubes or things. We stand separate. Each has a bucket, or whatever. Several cups, maybe.
"What's the matter?" she inquired sweetly. "Never seen blood before?"
This time two of them chuckled.
She addressed Biff. "You're a lot bigger than I am," she said. "You must have twice as
much blood in you as I have in me. You can beat me easy, if you care to."
"She's right," the razor man said.
Still Biff stood, not moving.
"But you have to play the game," Colene said. "It's not fair to let me bleed myself out if
you don't even start."
The men nodded. "Do it. Biff," one said.
"But what good's a bled-out chick to me?" Biff de -- manded somewhat plaintively. "Me
weakened, and her un -- conscious -- "
"There's no time limit on the payoff," Colene said. "I thought you'd want it right away,
but you can take a rain check. Make it six months from now. I'll be there. You know where I live."
She looked down again at the blood dripping from her hand, so bright and beautiful. She felt
dizzy, and knew it wasn't from the blood loss; it was exhilaration.
Still Biff hesitated.
"Biff, she's got you," the razor man said. "Cut or yield."
Biff considered a moment more. At last he smiled. "Okay, kid, you beat me. You win."
"Thank you," she said. But she didn't move.
"Here's your slug," he said, handing it to her. She took it with her knife-hand,
carefully.
"Thank you," she repeated. She had the victory, if she
didn't lose her nerve now and do something monumentally stupid. So she did nothing. That
seemed safest.
Biff took his clothes and walked from the room. One of the other men fetched some bandage
material. Trust them to have such supplies; they probably had to doctor their own bullet wounds.
"You won, kid; we won't touch you. But you gotta let us help you before you bleed to death."
"Thank you," she said a third time, smiling. They did a competent job of closing and bandaging her
wound, and helped her get dressed. Not one tried to handle her body even "accidentally," but they
seemed to like hand -- ing her the panties, bra, and skirt. It was as if each wanted to have a
personal part in what had turned out to be a most unusual game. "I'll take you home, if that's
okay with you," the razor man said. "I don't think Biff feels like it." "Just remember, no -- "
"Kid, you won. No one touches you. Not now, not ever. Not until you say so. We're -- you
know what we are. But you got our respect. Just keep your mouth shut, and it's done."
"Thank you," she said once again. "You may take me home." She completed her dressing,
donning her shoes.
The razor man extended his elbow. Startled by this bit of chivalry, Colene put her hand on
it, and walked with him out of the building.
He drove her home. "Kid, you're as gutsy as I've ever seen," he said. "If you're ever in
bad trouble, ask for Slick. We'll make a deal."
"Thank you." It seemed to be the only thing she was able to say now. She was riding on a
high like none before. She had played her scene flawlessly, every part of it, and it had worked
exactly as she had hoped. What a dream come true! It wasn't just that she had won the key, it was
that she had made one of her weird fantasies come true, and gotten away with it. She had liked
stripping before those tough men, hav -- ing them admire her body. Rape she did not like at all,
but this had been showmanship. See, no touch. There was all the difference in the world.
He drew to a stop a block from her home. "You can walk from here. I'll watch, then go."
"Thank you." She slid out. "You got a nice little body," he said as she closed the
door. "Damn nice. Keep it clean, kid. Don't mess with our
kind if you don't have to."
"Thank you," she said yet again, experiencing another thrill of pleasure. Then she walked
away, knowing he was watching that body in motion. His name was Slick, as in slick-as-a-razor. She
would remember.
THINGS were normal at home: Dad was out and Mom was drunk. Colene fixed herself a generous
meal and bundled it up and took it out to the shed. If she was spending more time there now than
she used to, nobody noticed. As long as she kept her grades up and stayed out of trouble, nobody
cared. There had been a time when that bothered her.
She knocked, then entered. Darius had been snoozing;
there really wasn't much for him to do, as he had not made much progress learning to read
her books.
She brought out the key and held it up.
He seemed almost afraid to touch it. But when he turned it over and saw the coding, he
knew.
"Colene, I didn't think you could do it!" he said, hugging her. "But you have! You have
recovered the key! We can go
to my reality!"
Now she was descending from her euphoria. She had not actually lost that much blood, but
she had taken a phenom -- enal risk, and knew it. It had been her luck that Biff had been
squeamish about letting his own blood, and that his criminal friends had had a sense of honor
about a game played by their rules. In the letting of her own blood she had shown guts, not quite
literally, and they had respected that. She knew that some killers had very conservative family
lives and were kind to children. But some were otherwise. She had gambled that not only could she
beat Biff, but that his friends would side with her. She had won, but she wouldn't care to try it
again.
Now she faced another gamble: that Darius wasn't crazy or a con-man. Because either that
key would work or it wouldn't. And she knew it wouldn't. Which meant that the lovely bubble would
burst, and things would be back as they
had been before.
She set down her bundle of food. "I think we'd better talk," she said. She spread out the
makings, and they began to eat.
"Yes, of course." His actual speech was much more lim -- ited, but she liked to think of
it as educated and courtly, and her fancy filled in the nuances. "I realize that it is a daunting
decision, to leave your family and your entire Mode, without any guarantee that -- "
"'Snot that, Darius. I want to go. I love what you have described. I have nothing much to
hold me here. And if you can't marry me, but all the rest is real, well, I'll be your lover
instead. You've been up-front about that aspect. But there's a problem."
"You don't believe me," he said.
"I wish I could! But I just don't."
"When I take you there, you will believe. I will take you there now, if you wish. With the
key -- "
"Here's the thing: suppose you take that key, and hold it to your head, and make your wish
-- and nothing happens? What then?"
"Colene, it will work. The same Chip that sent me here will bring me back. But as I said,
you do not need to believe, because this is not a matter of faith. I will take you there, and then
we shall discover whether you can multiply your joy, and -- oh, I want so much to marry you!"
"You have faith, but I don't, and these things don't nec -- essarily work unless you
believe in them."
He smiled. "If it doesn't work, I will be amazed!"
"If it doesn't work," she said doggedly, "you will be crazy." There: she had said it.
He glanced more intently at her. "You believe I am not sane?"
How she hated this. "Darius, I think I love you, but I'm a realist. I think you are
deluded. I think you have a dream that's a wonderful thing, and you've spent years perfecting it,
but somehow you got out of the institution and I found you, and now it's my dream too, but I know
that's all it is. When you try to use that key, the dream will be over. Because I'm not crazy, and
I'm not going to be. So what do we do, after you try that thing and nothing happens?"
"You do not wish to try it, and discover the truth of it directly?"
"Discovering the truth directly can be a whole lot of trou -- ble," she said, pushing down
memories that were trying to
rise, like bodies buried in muck. "I'd rather know what I'm
getting into first."
"What would persuade you to try it?"
"If there were some way it could be believed. I mean, I don't believe in ghosts either,
but if one came in here and said 'Boo!' to me, I'd sure check it out and maybe change my mind.
Same thing for a flying saucer, a UFO." Here it took some time for her to get the concept across,
and they finally settled on Ship Containing Alien Creatures. "But if one landed beside my house,
I'd consider it. Can you show
me anything to make me believe you?"
"I fear I can not. But perhaps I can clarify the rationale." "How about this: if you try
it, and it works, we're both there and we see about getting married or whatever. If you try it and
it doesn't work, you turn yourself in for mental
treatment."
He laughed. "If they provide food and shelter, I will not
computers, and dimensions. In my reality, when we deal with a line, it requires two points to
establish the orientation of that line. Is it the same here?"
"Oh, sure. You can measure a line with two points, mark -- ing it off."
"And three points for a plane? Defining it in space?" "You mean like balancing a tray on
three fingers? Sure." "And four points for a three-dimensional object." "Sure, I'm with you.
Length, width, thickness, and time, 'cause if it doesn't exist for some time, it's not there at
all. What's your point?"
"Five points for a four-dimensional Mode," he continued. "To fit it in space and time. The
Cyng of Pwer mentioned that. The infinite number of Modes are each fixed in their own places, like
planes in a cube, and one of these is mine and another is yours."
"Oh, you mean like -- like mica. That rock you can just peel apart?"
"Mica," he agreed, after she had clarified the nature of the stone for him. "Each layer
infinitely thin, but a universe to those who are of it. The Chip enabled me to cross verti --
cally, from my layer to yours. Because it addresses many
megabytes. But my finding you was essentially random, be -- cause there are only a few
parameters we could specify, and infinity to choose from."
"Gee, I wonder if it could set up a Virtual Mode?" she said musingly.
"What is that?"
"Well, I told you how each new chip addressed a whole lot more memory. But that's not the
half of it. The 386 can extend that way beyond by making it seem that there's a lot more memory.
There's not, really, but you can use it same as if it's real. Fake memory, I call it."
"Pretend memory? But surely that would be a fantasy!"
"No. Like when you have the disk drive, and it's too small for what you want to do, but
you have a whole lot of memory, so you make up a virtual drive out of memory, and it acts just
like a real disk. Or the other way around, making mem -- ory out of extra storage on your hard
disk. When you turn off the computer, it's gone, but as long as you're running it, it works.
Virtual memory is real, it just isn't quite what it seems. The 386 can make your memory act like
sixty-four million megabytes, which is a lot. And it can set up a Virtual Mode too."
"Tell me of modes."
Colene had been privately convinced that he was crazy, but he now seemed more like an
ignorant but smart person. Like someone who was from another reality. She began to doubt, and to
believe, as she talked. "I don't remember all the computer modes; it's been a while since I had
that class. I think there's Native Mode, that's sort of whatever the 386 chip would do if left to
itself. Then there's Real Mode, used to run the regular AT software; it's limited, just sort of
chok -- ing down the chip's potential to make it seem like a simpler one."
"Like one slice of mica," he said.
"Yes. And Protected Mode, used for the Operating System Two multi-tasking. That's like a
three-dimensional chunk of mica. And Virtual Mode, that will take the chip as far as it will go;
it can be set up any which way, and however it's set up, it acts just as if it's real."
"With that we could institute a reality that included you
with your science, and me with my magic, yet we would be together, neither giving up
anything."
"So it wouldn't have to be one or the other!" she agreed. "I'd like that, Darius! Then I
could just walk across to you, and if I couldn't marry you, I'd just walk back to here."
"A reality that consisted of a slanting place across the block of mica, permanently
linking us," he agreed. "Unfor -- tunately that is not what brought me here. I am a mere in --
truder into your reality, with no permanence. When I take you with me, you will be an intruder
into my reality."
She shrugged. "So I guess there's no way you can show me your reality, without my actually
going there and not being able to return." A journey into madness?
"I see I have not convinced you."
"Right. That computer analogy is nice, but I never fooled myself that I can step into the
picture on the screen. My reality is a lot uglier."
"Ugly? But you are beautiful and cheerful!"
She sighed. "Something you better know about me, Da -- rius, before you marry me. I'm not
happy. I'm suicidal."
He was astonished. "You seek to destroy yourself? I can not believe -- "
"Believe it!" She began unwinding the bandage on her arm. "I slice my wrists and watch the
blood. Someday I'll get up the courage to go all the way, and then I'll be free." She showed the
inner padding, soaked in blood. "See this? This is how I got your key back for you. I challenged
the punk who had it to a bleeding contest. He thought I was bluffing, but I wasn't. Freaked him
out. So I won. If I had lost, I'd either be dead or as good as dead, paying off my bet."
"You are depressed!" he exclaimed, horrified.
"You bet! I think the only time I've been happy this year is when I've been with you. So I
guess I'm crazy too. It's been fun dreaming of being in your world with its magic, and loving you,
and I guess I do love you, but I don't believe you. It's my misfortune to be too firmly grounded
in reality, and I don't mean your kind."
"Oh, Colene, this is terrible!" he cried.
"Why?"
"Because it means I can't marry you."
"Well, if you get treatment and get cured -- "
"Not so. If I take you to my reality, where joy can be transferred, you would have no joy
to give me. You have the opposite. That makes it impossible."
"You're changing your mind?" she asked. Her feelings were horribly mixed. She wanted to
love him and have him love her, but she knew that marriage between them had al -- ways been an
impossible dream. Now that he had his key, and his fantasy would soon be dashed, it was time to
end it. But now she wished this sweet interlude could have been forever!
"Colene, I love you, and I want nothing more than to bring you home and marry you! But
that would destroy us both! I was willing to take you as long as there was a rea -- sonable chance
of it being right, but now I know there is not. I blinded my mind to one of the major
possibilities for your availability, and that was my folly. My mission has failed. The kindest
thing I can do for you is to leave you behind."
So he knew the key wouldn't work, and was calling it off. That did make sense. It also
meant he didn't have to make the deal, and go to a mental hospital when he failed to go where he
thought he was going. He was defaulting, just as Biff had. Getting set up to walk out of her life
when his bubble of illusion was popped.
She felt the tears starting down her cheeks. "I guess you're right. I guess you'd better
use your key now. You know where I am, if you ever change your mind." For now she did not have to
disparage the fantasy; she could let him depart in his own way. It hurt terribly, but it was for
the best.
"If there were any way -- "
"If there were any way," she agreed.
He came to her and kissed her, and it was excruciatingly sweet. It was like an old movie,
with them parting at the train station, knowing they might never see each other again. Maybe that
analogy wasn't so far off.
"I can't even leave you anything, to repay you for your great kindness to me," he said.
"It has been for nothing."
"For nothing," she agreed. "But I really liked being with you, Darius. I'm sorry I can't
believe in you. If I did, I'd go with you, even if you had to marry someone else."
"I would not care to do that to you." He lifted the key to his forehead. "Farewell,
Colene."
"Goodbye, Darius." He closed his eyes, seeming to concentrate.
Then he disappeared.
Colene blinked her tears out of the way. She stepped for -- ward and swept her hand
through the space where he had stood. There was nothing except the faint smell of him; he had not
been able to wash up well here.
The door was closed. He had not walked out. He had just -- gone. Exactly as he had said he
would.
Now she knew that she should have believed. She should have gone with him to his magic
reality. Her disbelief had cost her everything.
DARIUS looked around him. The familiar landscape of his home reality was newly unfamiliar,
after his acclimation to the alternate reality. He gazed at it with a new appreciation.
He stood on a dais, the one addressed by the Chip. One hop distant -- or about twenty
feet, in Colene's system -- was the larger dais of the Cyng of Pwer. Between was the serrate
wilderness: a land surface so jagged that it was not possible to walk on it. Only by pounding a
temporary path through the crystals could it be made passable by foot, and that was pointless,
because in days the crystals would regenerate, and their new, smaller spikes would be sharper than
the old ones had been. Also, who would want to damage such prettiness? The original crystals were
all the natural colors and some generated ones, shifting iridescently in the changing light of the
sun.
He glanced up. There were good cloud formations, pink above green and yellow. A heavy
purple cloud was slowly descending, and below it the trees on their common dais were extending
their black leaves, ready to draw nourishment. The light of the sun was refracting through a
colorless cloud, its beams re-radiating out to be intercepted by the other clouds, each of which
took its color from the color of the light it received.
It was good to be home!
A figure appeared on the main dais. The man spied Darius. He made a gesture, and a bridge
appeared, spanning the rag -- ged gap between them.
Darius stepped onto the bridge, and felt his weight dimin -- ishing. It was what Colene
would have called a virtual bridge:
it acted like a real one, but it was mock. He was able to use it because his weight was
being reduced almost to nothing. Pwer had simply invoked a miniature bridge with a figurine, and
was marching the latter across the former. Darius had allowed him to make the figurine because it
was essential to the process of traveling to another reality. Otherwise, the magic would not have
had effect.
He completed his crossing and stood before the Cyng of Pwer. "You return alone," the man
said.
"I found her," Darius said. "I love her. But I misjudged her. She was depressive."
Pwer was startled. "How could you make an error like that?"
"There is no transfer in her reality. I judged by appear -- ances, not direct mental
contact, and she laughed much. But it was because she liked me. Her contacts with me were lim --
ited, and her joy was limited to her time with me. Her un -- derlying nature was suicidal."
"Your power did not work there?"
"Not at all. I thought it did when I kissed her and felt love, and she felt love, but it
seems we were each generating our own in the company of the other. I was entirely depen -- dent on
verbal language. Much of my time was spent learning it, so that we could communicate. It was in
that period of close association that we came to love each other.''
"You should have brought her."
"I could not marry her! It would have killed her."
"And what will she do, alone?"
That made Darius pause. "She -- she could kill herself."
"Could? You fool! She surely will!"
"We can't know that! Maybe her experience with me will change her outlook, and she will
become less suicidal."
"Unlikely, since she is slated to die anyway."
"What?"
"Don't you remember? Only those who are destined to
have little effect on their realities can be removed from them. That is why the Chip
oriented on her."
"I know. Yet in her case, it seemed to me -- " Darius shook his head. "I blinded myself."
"The Chip was set to orient only on those whose impact is minimal. Some may have more
impact by dying than by living. But in most cases, an early death best accounts for it. This may
usually be by accident or disease, but it is evident that your young woman will soon kill
herself."
"I left her there, to do what she would, alone!" Darius cried, stricken. "I lost track
entirely. I forgot the larger pic -- ture."
"Whereas here she could have been with you, and at least died happy."
"But she did not believe. She fetched me the key, but thought it was my fantasy. She did
not want to commit to one she thought crazy."
"She surely believes now."
"Surely now," Darius agreed, crushed. "I should have insisted -- but when I knew I could
not marry her -- "
"Cyngs of Hiahtar do not remain functional indefinitely. You might have married her when
you gave up the post."
"I was a fool," Darius said.
"Will you now settle to the normal course?"
Darius thought of marrying a woman he did not love, in -- stead of Colene. "I can not."
"Or try the Chip again?"
He thought of searching for another woman of a suitable nature to love and marry. "I can
not."
"Then it appears we have a problem."
"There must be another way!" Darius exclaimed. "I must go to her again! She would come
with me, now that she believes."
"There is a way. But it is fraught with complication and danger."
Darius grasped at it. "What way?"
"Before, we set up the simplest connection between real -- ities, as it were a line. It is
possible to set up a more com -- plicated connection, if more than one point is established, as it
were a plane. The line could be flung out and recalled only once, but the plane would be more
durable."
"A Virtual Mode!" Darius breathed.
"A what?"
"A temporary Mode that crosses other Modes, like a block of mica sliced crosswise. It
would be possible to walk from one part to another, from this Mode to her Mode."
"I had not pictured k that way, but it is true. However you picture it, it may be the way
to do what you desire. However, the complications -- "
Darius was abruptly certain. "Describe them."
"Because it would entail some time away from this Mode, you can not go without finding
another Cyng of Hiahtar to serve in your stead, at least temporarily. One as competent as you."
"There is none!"
"Not among those who have not yet served."
Now Darius understood his reference. "A retired Hiahtar? But none of them would serve
again!"
"Not unless the inducement were considerable."
"What possible inducement could there be? They have wealth and power and respect already;
they need nothing. None would wish to suffer the agonies of depletion and wife discarding again."
"You might inquire."
"And if I can get one to serve, you will set up the Virtual Mode?"
"After this warning: no person who has gone this route has returned. We do not know
whether each has found what he sought and been satisfied, or has died. We know nothing, except
that we shall wait with no expectation for your re -- turn."
That was why another Hiahtar had to serve in his stead.
DARIUS was at the moment poorly acclimated to his native Mode, having been so long unable
to do any magic, but he did not wait. He did not know how long Colene would linger before letting
the rest of her blood drain away.
He walked into the forest and found several twigs and bits of vine. He bound these
together into a crude man-figure. Then he pulled out five hairs from his head and tucked them into
the two legs, two arms, and one head of the figurine.
Now he had made an icon of himself. It was crude, but it should do.
He touched his tongue to it, anointing it with his saliva. Now it was twice tuned to him,
to his solid and his liquid. All it required was his air.
He breathed on it. "You are the icon of the Cyng of Hiah -- tar," he murmured, activating
it and tuning it in. Then he set it on the ground and marked a circle around it. He also marked
several irregular shapes, and a wavy line. "You are here, among these trees, and near this river."
He marked a square a short distance away, with several points beside it. "The Castle of Hiahtar is
there, beside the mountains." Then he jumped the figure from the circle to the edge of the square.
The world around him wrenched. He caught his balance, almost falling. Yes, he was clumsy
after the layoff! But he was here before his castle, having conjured himself here by the use of
sympathetic magic. It was good to be able to travel normally again!
He lifted the icon to his mouth. "You are inert," he breathed on it. It wouldn't do to
carry an active personal icon around with him, its feedback from his motions interfering with his
activities! He put it in his pocket -- and realized that he was not in his normal attire, but in
the odd clothing of Colene's Mode. It was a good thing he had decided to come home before visiting
the former Hiahtars!
A maid spied him and shrieked. "A strange man-form!" she cried.
"No, a familiar one, in strange attire," he called. "You know me, Ella!"
She shrieked again. "It's the Cyng!" She ran out to come to him, her breasts bobbing, and
flung herself into his arms. "Did you find a wife?"
"Not exactly."
"Oh, too bad! Then you must settle for me in your bed a while longer."
"That is no chore," he said, patting her shapely derriere.
Indeed, it was late, and he needed to rest. He would have to wait until tomorrow to visit
the retired Cyngs.
THAT night, after celebrating his return with a minor feast, he came to his bed. Ella was
there, moving over so he
could have the spot she had warmed for him. She had always been thoughtful in such little
ways, and often forgetful in big ways. She was cheerful, buxom, and pretty, but not phenom --
enally smart, and she had not the slightest ability to multiply joy. Therefore she would never be
other than a servant and in due course a servant's wife. She could be very pleasant as
a nocturnal companion.
But tonight he found himself unmoved. "Please, do not
expect more of me than sleep," he said.
"You are annoyed with me?" she asked, hurt.
"No, Ella, merely indisposed."
"Why?" This was not a proper question, but part of her
delight was her social naivete.
"I have another woman on my mind."
"Who?" "The one I wished to marry. But I could not."
"Oh. Why not?"
"Because she is depressive."
"But you could have her in bed as a servant, same as me."
"Somehow I forgot that. I wanted to marry her."
"Well, you could, if you weren''t Cyng."
It was a foolish statement, readily dismissed. But somehow it struck home. If he were not
Cyng of Hiahtar.
But he could not just step down. He was the only one who could serve the post with the
necessary expertise. Except for the former Cyngs, who would not resume the post any longer than
absolutely necessary. If he could step down, without having completed his term, he would be no
better than a servant himself, and Colene might not have liked that. No, the only way was to
complete his term and retire; then he could have the blessing of marriage for love and permanence.
But if he could use the Virtual Mode to find Colene, and bring her back, and keep her here
in servant status until he retired, then he could marry her, and their love would never have been
sacrificed. Colene had said she would be willing to endure something of the kind; he just hadn't
quite listened. It was feasible. He just had to get her back. "Thank you, Ella," he said, and
kissed her. "Oooo," she exclaimed, thrilled to have pleased him. She clasped him to her, and
didn't mind that all he did was fall
asleep.
IN the morning he used one of his established icons to travel to the castle of the Cyng of
Hiahtar who had preceded him. This was Kublai, a huge red-bearded man. The man's dais was
extremely high, so that the trees on it could feed from the higher level, before other plants
depleted the nu -- trients. As a result, the trees were impressive, their trunks brilliant green
and their foliage extensive.
Darius stood at the edge of the dais, in the region reserved for visitors. "I am Darius,"
he said, "Cyng of Hiahtar, come for a dealing." Again he remembered Colene, who had spo -- ken of
dealing for the Mode key. She had done so much for him, considering her unbelief, and he had done
nothing for her.
Kublai appeared. "Welcome, Darius! Come into my house!"
With that invitation, Darius stepped out of the visitors' area and walked the path to the
castle. Had he tried to do it uninvited, he would have invoked the dais defenses, which could be
of any nature. He would not have attempted to breach courtesy even if prepared for the defenses; a
man's castle was his home.
Kublai's young and pretty wife served them condensed cloudfruit while they talked. Her
name was Koren. She was evidently happy; there had been no depletion of her joy. That was the
delight of retirement. Gazing at her, Darius knew his mission here was lost; Kublai would not give
up his love -- marriage to resume the post.
"News has spread of your concern," Kublai said. "Not widely, but I believe I know how you
feel."
"Surely you do!" Darius agreed. "I have divorced my second wife, and she was a good woman,
and loyal. I could have loved her, but never dared."
"I divorced ten," Kublai said. "Each one was painful. Some I did love. But it was a great
relief when you came of age and displaced me."
"I did not truly appreciate the onus, until I saw my first wife depleted," Darius said.
"We had known it would hap -- pen from the start, and there was no blame, no rancor. But her joy
was gone, and I think even now she can not take pleasure in the good life she has as a retired
wife."
"She will recover her joy in time," Kublai said. "She may remarry a normal man, and have
offspring. Several of mine
did."
"But the flower of her youth will be gone in depression."
"It is an unkind price," Kublai agreed.
"I think this is hopeless, but I must ask," Darius said. "I can not allow any person to
take my place who can not per -- form as well as I would. Only former Cyngs of Hiahtar can
do that."
"Tell me of the need that brings you to this pass." Darius described his visit to the
other Mode, and his en -- counter with Colene. "I hoped she would be a multiplier," he said. "The
Chip was tuned to such. But she was depres -- sive. She would have multiplied a negative balance."
"But you love her," Kublai said.
"I love her. I thought it was just my expectation, and would fade when I realized that I
was mistaken about her. But I hadn't realized that she was doomed to die. Here, at least, perhaps
she could live. If not, at least we could try for some happiness before it happened. Pwer says he
can institute a Virtual Mode that will enable me to seek her. Perhaps I can bring her here, and if
it is suicide she contemplates, she may postpone it while we love. But -- "
"But you need a substitute for the post."
"That is the case. So I come to inquire whether there is anything I can offer you that
would incline you to do this for me, and I fear there is not."
Kublai nodded. "I am in a position to know exactly how much you are asking of me. Not only
would I have to resume the burden of Hiahtar, I would have to divorce my lovely love-wife Koren
and marry another for other than love. That is not a thing I would do lightly."
"You would risk much, while I would have no guarantee of accomplishing my mission."
"You would have no guarantee of surviving yourself!" Ku -- blai said. "I well might be
stuck with a full term, until some other prospect matured. That might be a decade!"
"And even if I succeed, and find her, and bring her back here safely, I will not be able
to marry her -- unless there is someone else to assume the post," Darius said. "So I can
not even promise that your loss would be my gain; probably I would gain less than you
lost, even with full success."
"You are candid."
"I am desperate. I made a terrible mistake. I will do what -- ever I must to ameliorate it
to the extent I can. Is there a price that will tempt you?"
Kublai was silent. He gazed at Koren. She had of course overheard their conversation, and
now stood with tears flow -- ing down her cheeks.
Suddenly Darius understood the significance of those tears. There was a price!
"There is a price," Kublai agreed gravely.
"Tell me." He did not want to evince unseemly eagerness, but that was what he felt. At the
same time he felt guilty, seeing the dawning misery of Kublai's wife. This was the classic Hiahtar
trade-off: joy for many at the expense of a few. But in this case it was joy for one at the
expense of one:
not a suitable ratio.
Kublai glanced at Koren. "Come here, my love; this is not the disaster you envision; I am
not about to cast you aside. This is something it is best that you also know.''
She went to him and cast herself into his arms, burying her face in his shoulder. He
looked at Darius over her shoul -- der, holding her, stroking her lustrous black hair as he
talked.
"When I was young, I encountered a woman. She called herself Prima. I was attracted to her
not for her beauty or personality, for she was not remarkable in these respects, but for her
ability to multiply. Her power was on a par with my own -- "
"With yours?" Darius asked, startled. "But no woman -- "
Kublai smiled. "In general, women are not as capable as men in this respect, so that while
a man may multiply by a factor of a thousand, a woman may do it by a factor of three. But there is
no absolute limitation. It may be that women would be as capable as men, were this encouraged in
our culture. Certainly Prima was in this respect. She was fiercely independent and assertive,
which of course did not endear her to others. She wanted to be the Cyng of Hiahtar, but of course
this was not allowed. When I appeared, she asked me why I should assume the post simply because I
was male, my
talent being no greater than hers. I had not before considered the matter, but I was
persuaded by her, and agreed that it was not right. Indeed, I came to love her, and she loved me,
for we were one in our ability.
"We went to the council of Cyngs and asked that she be allowed to assume the post. I
agreed to marry her and sup -- port her in that post, for my talent feeding into hers would make
us the most effective and enduring Hiahtar our Mode has known. But they would not allow a woman to
be domi -- nant.
"Then we asked whether we could assume the post as co -- equals, taking turns being the
lead, one supporting the other. But they would not allow this either. They would allow only my own
assumption of the post. I could marry her, but she would be only my wife, supporting me. She would
never be Cyng herself.
"Neither of us was willing to do that, at this point. We discussed the matter at length,
and finally she decided to explore the realms of the Chips. So the Cyng of Pwer set up what you
have termed a Virtual Mode, and she went there to seek some suitable situation. Perhaps there was
a realm in which women were equal to men, and she could assume the post there without quarrel, and
they would appreciate what she was able to do for them.
"So Prima departed, and I became Hiahtar. We agreed that if she did not find her
situation, and returned, she would marry me and accept secondary status. I hoped privately that
this would be the case, for I could ask no better support than hers. But she had to do it of her
own will." Kublai paused.
"And she never returned," Darius said.
"She never returned," Kublai agreed. "I married ten wives in succession, depleting each,
and retired when you ap -- peared. Now I have love, and it is sweet." He patted Keren's shoulder.
"But always I have wondered what became of Prima. Did she find her situation, or did she die, or
is she still searching? My curiosity has become overwhelming. But I lack the incentive to explore
the alternate realms myself, now that I have a good life here. So I would ask two things of you:
first, that you seek Prima, or news of her, so that I may finally know the truth. If you should
find her, and she is ready to return, bring her back. If you did that, I would be
happy to maintain the post indefinitely, for with her support it would represent no
burden."
"If you enabled me to search for my love, and bring her back, I would be glad to search
also for yours, and bring her back too," Darius said. "Once I know the way, any who are with me
can come along."
"But you will cast me aside!" Kublai's wife protested, her voice buried in his shoulder.
"No, my love," he said reassuringly. "I would have to divorce you and keep you as my love-
companion, but that would be little other than a matter of legality. You would remain my love, as
you are now. What I felt for Prima has faded in twenty years, and certainly she is no longer
young, and never was she winsome. It would be a business relation -- ship, based on my respect for
her talent, and the enormous power that talent would provide me. You would remain my love, and you
would not be depleted."
"I still would rather be your wife," she said.
"The chances are that Darius will return without her," Kublai said. "Then he will resume
the post, and I will re -- marry you. I think this is a fair gamble."
"But you mentioned two things you would ask of me," Darius said. The second was likely to
be the crusher.
"The second is both larger and perhaps easier," Kublai said. "I have developed a curiosity
not only about Prima's situation, but about the alternate realms themselves. I wish to know the
nature of ultimate reality. I would ask you to explore these alternate realms, seeking to
understand them, and to formulate and test an explanation for the way things are. Who made the
Chips and left them here? Who made it possible for Modes to be crossed? Why? I would like, before
I die, to have that explanation."
"But my mind may not be good enough to compass such knowledge," Darius protested. "I
hardly understand the one other Mode I have seen, and I did not understand the nature of the young
woman I came to love there."
"Yet you would make the effort, and tell me all you leam. It might be considerable, and
certainly it would be far more than I know now -- discovered at no risk to me."
"But no one has returned!" Darius pointed out. "I may be unable to honor any part of such
an agreement."
"That is why I ask for two favors: the news on Prima, and the nature of the Modes. If I
win, I win all that I have wanted to know. If I lose, I am Cyng until another suitable prospect
appears. I am experienced; it is not the worst of fates. In fact, I find myself bored with
retirement. Oh, not with you, my dear," he added quickly as his wife lifted her head. "You are my
perpetual delight! But the rest of it -- there is only so much ease and luxury a man can tolerate.
I think I am ready to resume useful activity -- and keep my love with me."
She settled back, mollified.
"I can only agree," Darius said. "If you will take my place, I will seek what you wish."
In this manner it was agreed. Darius and Kublai had merged their hopes, and it would be
done.
IT took time to set up the Virtual Mode and to arrange for the temporary resumption of the
post by Kublai. Darius had to do a tour, for the need was growing. The public had to be served.
But he lacked a wife. He did not want to marry for just one tour, but it would not be wise
to deplete himself imme -- diately before embarking on the treacherous journey that was the
Virtual Mode. What was he to do?
Kublai came up with the answer. "Borrow Koren."
"What?"
"My wife Koren. She has it in her pretty head that she wants to remain married to me, even
as I resume the post. This is foolish."
"Of course it is! But -- "
"I need to persuade her to step down, and to allow me to marry a woman suitable for that
office. But I do not wish to hurt or offend her. However, if she went with you on the tour, she
would quickly leam the cost, and I think that would be more persuasive than anything I could
say.''
"Surely it would!" Darius agreed. "But the intimacy of the borrowing -- "
"I would rather have you do it, than do it to her myself. I prefer to convince her without
instituting that barrier between us."
"But she is you,r wife!" Darius said, at a loss.
"Who has never felt my power. Let her feel yours. By the time the tour is done, she will
have had enough."
The man did know what he was suggesting. Reluctantly Darius agreed.
So it was that Koren came to his castle as ad-hoc wife. She made it quite plain that there
was no private aspect to the relationship. She was here because Kublai had asked her to be, and
she was certain that her mind would be changed not one iota by this experience. She expected to
prove herself to her husband.
"I understand your reticence," Darius said. "I will honor your privacy in all things, but
when the time of multiplication comes, I shall have to embrace you closely and publicly. You will
find it a unique experience."
"I doubt it," she said coldly. "If you touch me anywhere else, I will slap you."
Yes, she did not understand. She would leam a great deal in the next day.
Sexual energy was part of what enabled multiplication, and it was customary for the Cyng
to indulge in it with his wife the night before a tour. This was out of the question with Koren,
but he did need to do it with someone. If only Colene had returned with him! If only he had
understood all of what was at stake, and had insisted that she come here!
So that night he used a device that he feared would shame him if he thought about it: he
closed his eyes and visualized Ella as Colene. Then he was most passionate with her. She was quite
pleased.
IN the morning they set out on the tour. Darius, Koren, a comedian, a props man, and the
castle's regular conjurer stepped onto a large disk, and the conjurer lifted a small disk
containing a hair from each of them and activated it. They moved upward as the miniature disk did,
floating from the castle court until they were high above the dais. Then the conjurer moved the
little disk south toward the model of a castle, and the big disk zoomed in that direction.
It was routine, but Darius' awareness of the other Mode remained, and he continued to
appreciate how novel this would seem to Colene. She had told him that her people had huge flying
machines, but she didn't believe in magic, so this
flying disk would surprise her. Also, the landscape below was beautiful. The rugged
crevices of the land formed patterns of ridges, their crystals scintillating, so that it was
possible to see circles, triangles, squares, pentagons, and hexagons forming and dissipating as
they moved across. Some crystals sent up beams of reflected light that formed three-dimensional
figures, the green beams intersecting the red beams and yel -- low beams, the whole being bathed
by diffused light from other crystals. It might be impossible to walk across such terrain, but it
was lovely to float across.
The sky, too, was a continuing pleasure. They floated around, above and below the colored
clouds, swerving as necessary, and these too were beautiful. Some had patterns on their surfaces,
projected from the crystals, and the patterns changed as the perspective did. Yes, Colene would
love this, and he would do his best to bring her here and show it to her. If only he had thought
it properly through before, and brought her with him despite her nature and her doubt!
Then they came into sight of a village dais, much larger than those for the castles or
solitary trees. Here there were thousands of villagers, and around it were the lesser plat --
forms where gardens flourished. At such enclaves the fun -- damental supplies of the realm were
grown and made. A potato, for example, did not just appear when conjured; it was grown and saved,
and so was ready for conjuration at need. The children of Cyngs sometimes believed that food came
into existence when summoned, but the children of peasants well understood the labors of
production.
At locations like these the animals were also raised: cows to produce milk, chickens to
produce eggs, and so on. There were grazing daises, and sections where the crystals of the nether
terrain were less prominent, so that vegetation could grow and creatures could forage. But people
had to watch over these animals, and keep them safe from predators. There were also artisans of
many types: woodworkers, metalwork -- ers, stoneworkers, clothworkers, and on. All laboring pa --
tiently for their sustenance. No, nothing was free; at every stage there had to be the hands of
dedicated men and women. Without such workers, the fine society of mankind would not be possible.
These were the folk who needed joy, for their lives did not
provide great amounts of it naturally. Each Cyng was granted a good life, but each Cyng
repaid it with the unique service which was the specialty of his post. Thus the society was
interactive, but the lives of Cyngs were better than most.
Their disk landed. Immediately, the group stepped off and proceeded to the setting up.
Soon there was a little stage, and the villagers were seated around it in concentric circular
rows. The whole village assembled; every member of it was eager for joy.
The comedian took a prop and went into his act. He pranced, he twirled, he made grotesque
faces. The villagers watched passively. They were not much entertained. This was exactly according
to expectation; had they reacted positively, it would have been an indication that their need was
not suf -- ficient to warrant this presentation.
Then Darius stepped to the center of the stage. There was a hush of expectation. He turned
and gestured to Koren.
The woman came up on the stage. No one introduced her;
the villagers were allowed to assume that she was his wife. The wives of Cyngs of Hiahtar
changed often, so her newness here did not excite suspicion. She was young, she was beautiful, and
she came when called: that was evidence enough.
Koren came to stand immediately before Darius. She was in a glossy black dress that
matched her hair, so that it was hard to tell where one left off and the other began. The upper
portion flared so as to conceal the shape of her bosom, and the nether portion spread out
similarly to hide her legs, in the decorous manner, but it was not possible to completely mask her
beauty.
Darius embraced her. He drew her in very close, so that the full length of her body was
tight against his own. She was stiff, not liking this, thinking that he was being too familiar.
She averted her face, and kept her arms immobile at her sides. But only with close contact could
he exert his power effi -- ciently; the effect diminished with distance, causing needless waste.
Then he drew from her. Her vitality came into his body, measure by measure in its
measureless fashion, strengthening him while depleting her. It was not a large transfer, but it
was significant.
She stood without moving, evidently uncertain what she
was experiencing. Then she tried to struggle, but her deter -- mination was weak, being
the first thing tapped. Her head snapped around; her eyes came to stare into his with the wonder
and horror of a captive animal. She would have felt better giving a quantity of the blood of her
body. She sank into herself, her vitality waning. She was helpless. Left to her own devices at
this moment, she would soon lie down and die, having no further joy of life. She was depleted.
Darius let her go, and turned. He was flush with Keren's joy, taken from her. Then he fed
it out to the multitude. It magnified enormously as it extended from him and bathed every seated
peasant. Every man, woman, and child received almost as much joy as Koren had lost.
Koren herself received a similar amount, for she was now among the recipients. But her joy
was less than it had been, by that small margin, for the multiplying was like the level of water:
it might spread to many, but would never exceed the level of its source. She had lost most of her
joy, and had most of that loss restored, but that remaining level was lower. Only time would make
up that small loss, and she would lose more before she could get that time.
The comedian stepped out again, capering, and now the peasants laughed. Their joy had been
lifted to a height not recently experienced. Now they were well satisfied with their lot, and
ready to enjoy the festivities.
Darius waved to them, and they cheered him lustily. Then he took Koren by the hand and led
her to the traveling disk. She came without resistance, shaken by her recent experi -- ence. Her
level of joy was now the same as that of the peas -- ants, but to her it seemed inadequate. She
had known better;
they had not. She had also suffered the shock of sudden de -- pletion, as they had not;
their depletion was gradual, as they went about their dull business. She had perspective.
The party gathered on the disk, and the conjurer lifted it, using his small icon-disk.The
power for this came from the Cyng of Pwer, who drew it from the Modes and sent it out to be used
as needed. The magic was used only to control it;
the power itself was physical, like the things grown and made by the peasants.
They floated to the next village, where they repeated the process. This time Koren was not
stiff but was afraid when
he embraced her, and familiarity did not seem to make her more comfortable with the
process. She looked less beautiful than before, even when most of her joy had been restored.
Something new and awful had been introduced to her expe -- rience. She was coming to understand
why her husband be -- lieved that love and marriage were incompatible, with a Cyng of Hiahtar.
They served ten villages on this tour, catching up on those that most needed joy. In a few
days there would be another tour, to other villages. The process was continuous, for by the time
every village had been served, the first village needed to be served again. The break Darius had
taken had allowed many villages to get behind, and a faster schedule would be necessary to restore
them.
At last they floated home. Now Darius spoke to Koren. "This is what your husband seeks to
spare you. You have lost only about a tenth of your joy this day, but before you can recover that,
there will be another tour, and another. In two years, perhaps less, you will be depleted to the
extent that it is no longer safe to draw from you, and you will have to be set aside for a fresher
woman. Of course I hope to return long before that time, and resume the post. But your love will
be better if you become his love-servant instead, for that pe -- riod."
She stared back at him with hopeless hate. Yes, now she understood. How much better for
her to hate Darius than to hate her husband!
His thoughts turned to Colene. She, too, did not under -- stand. She thought love could
conquer all. She had been angry when he saw the impossibility of marrying her. Had the transfer of
joy been possible in her Mode, he could have demonstrated; then she would have known. As Koren now
knew.
THE Chip was ready. It would institute the Virtual Mode. "Now you must understand the
deviousness of this process," the Cyng of Pwer said. "It seems that we are send -- ing out several
lines of force, and that those lines will anchor in several other Modes, and fix in place the
Virtual Mode. One anchor is here, and another should be at the site of the girl you encountered --
but only if she catches onto it. If she
does not, some other person may do so, fixing the Mode, but your girl will not be in that
Mode."
"Colene may not be there?" Darius asked, appalled.
"We can send the line past her, but we can not make her take it. You can judge better than
I how likely she is to take it."
"She has to take it!" But there was a troubling doubt there.
"And if she does take it, that anchors only two points. Three more are required, because --
"
"Because it takes five points to fix a four-dimensional Mode," Darius said.
"Ah, I see you understand! But we have no control at all over those remaining three. They
can be anywhere, and the Virtual Mode may be strange indeed."
"At least they will all be human."
Pwer frowned. "Not necessarily. I have made the setting sapience rather than humanity.
Humanity can include any -- thing from our level to complete primitives. With sapience, at least
there will in all cases be minds to which you can relate. We hope they will be human."
Darius hoped so too! "I am ready," he said. He had a new pack of supplies, and this time
he had something he had not thought to take before: a weapon. It was a primitive sword, which did
not require any spell for its effect. It had a sharp point and a sharp edge. He was not proficient
in its use, but was satisfied that it would be effective against either animals or unarmed
attackers, such as the young men who had at -- tacked him without provocation in Colene's Mode. He
also had primitive tools for cutting wood, breaking stone, or mak -- ing fire. In fact, he had the
little box of "matches" Colene had given him. One thing he had learned: not to depend on magic in
that realm!
"I hope to return soon," he said. "But if I do not, I thank you for enabling me to make
this quest."
"This time I can not bring you back by orienting on a signal key," Pwer reminded him
grimly. "You must return by yourself. If you do not return soon, you will gradually lose contact,
until finally you will be unable. Do not leave any of your things behind; only you can carry them
across the boundaries of the Modes. The Virtual Mode will remain anchored until you come here and
touch the anchor place and
will it to let go. The Mode exists on its own; we are merely catching an aspect of it and
fixing it in place for a time."
"Fix it now," Darius said, stepping into the marked circle. Pwer was full of cautions, but
not all of what he said was believable.
The Cyng of Pwer nodded. He lifted his hand, invoking the necessary spell.
Something changed.
CHAPTER 5 -- SEQIRO
COLENE remained in a daze. He had been right! -- " Darius really was from a far Kingdom of
Laughter where magic worked. She had not believed, and so had thrown away her chance for
happiness.
Yet he had changed his mind too. He had thought she was full of joy, and had recoiled when
she told him the truth. He had wanted only one thing from her, and that had been not her body but
her happiness. She had been happy with him;
without him she was the same old suicidal shell.
Now she was paging through her Journal, which she kept under lock and key here in Dogwood
Bumshed, trying to distract her mind from her present distress by contemplating her past distress.
She called it a Journal and not a diary, because "diary" sound like "diarrhea" and she was not
about to put her sanitary thoughts in an unsanitary place like that. She made her entries in the
form of letters to her friend Maresy, who was actually an imaginary horse. Colene had never had a
horse, but always wanted one, not just to ride, but to be her understanding companion. People were
not nec -- essarily fit to understand, but Maresy had more than human fathoming. Maresy was a most
unusual animal.
She brought the pot and removed the cover. The stink smote her nose. Quickly she covered
it again. Maybe she could put a clothespin on her nose, if she had a clothespin. Anything else?
She leaned on the board over the pot, and set the knife down on it while she considered.
She concluded that it didn't really matter. She would get used to the smell soon enough.
So she sat cross-legged, in her nightie without panties, in a position that would have freaked
Darius all the way out to the moon, dear man, drew the pot in to her, nestled it inside her
crossed ankles, held her breath, lifted the knife, removed the cover board, leaned
over, and paused.
Should she do the left arm first, or the right one? She was right-handed, so maybe she
should do the right one first, so if her left-handed slash was clumsy she could do it again, and
again until she had a proper blood flow into the pot. Then she could transfer the knife and do the
left one with one excellent slice. Then she could grasp the far rim of the pot, keeping her arms
locked in place, and watch the twin blood
flows. It would be glorious!
So why was she hesitating? She was sure there was a rea -- son. There always was.
She explored her motives, and found the relevant one. "Oh, Darius, I don't want to die
away from you!" she said. "I'd so much rather die with you!"
She pondered some more, then decided to sleep on it. She could slice herself as well in
the morning as at night. Maybe she would have a chance to sneak into the house and get a better
basin, after her parents had sex-sotted themselves out and turned in. It was worth a try.
She lay down, shivering in the cold. She wrapped the blan --
kets around and around her, and curled up into an almost fetal ball. She knew she would
not sleep, but at least she wouldn't freeze.
SHE woke shivering, after an interminable, restless night. The floor was hard, the air was
chill, and the blankets seemed to have holes that exactly matched the path of the draft coming in
under the door.
But it was her troubled thoughts that caused the greatest disruption of sleep. She was
reviewing her life, trying to total up the credits and the debits, to justify her decision to end
it. In snatches of dreams she talked to Maresy:
"Dear Maresy, today I decided to end it. Well, actually I decided several days ago, but
today was the day to do it. Only I didn't want to use a filthy potty for my blood."
"You lost your nerve," Maresy replied.
"No! I just want to do it right!"
"You really don't want to die. You never did."
"That so, smarty? Then what do I really want to do?"
"You want to love and be loved."
Maresy was right. She always was. She knew Colene better than Colene knew herself, because
she was more objective. Death was merely the most convenient escape from a life without love. That
was why she had not been suicidal in the time she had known Darius. She had had love.
Now she had lost that love. Oh, she still had it, in a sense:
she definitely still loved him. But he was gone, and he had explained how he couldn't come
back, because it had been a random setting. So even if he loved her -- and she thought he did --
it was no good. They were apart forever.
"Why do you think he loves you?" Maresy asked.
"Because he told me he did."
"But men lie about that."
"To get sex from women," she agreed. "But he never had sex with me, even when I offered
it. So he wasn't saying it for sex. Oh, yes, he did want something from me! He wanted my joy. And
I would have given him that, if I had had any to give. So he loved me, but couldn't marry me
without destroy -- ing me, and he wouldn't do that. I believe him. I believe him. I believe him."
"So you do love, and you are loved," Maresy said. "So
why do you want to die?"
That made her ponder for some time. She did have love;
why wasn't it enough? "Because it's apart," she said at last. "I want to love and be loved
and have it close -- like hugging close. Like kissing close. Like sex close. I want to be part of
him, and have him be part of me, forever and ever. I want
eternal romance."
"You have foolish juvenile notions. It isn't that way." "How do you know?" Colene shot
back. "I know from what you've read. The half-life of romantic love is one and a half years."
"What do you mean, half-life of love?" "Remember your physics? Radioactive materials keep
los -- ing their radiation, getting less dangerous but never entirely finishing. So you can't say
how long they last. But you can say how long it takes for their level of radioactivity to drop to
half of what it was. That's their half-life, which may be a fraction of a second, or millions of
years. So when it comes to the declining excitement of love, the half-life is eighteen months, on
average."
"I don't believe that! True love is forever!" "Look at your parents."
Accurate counterthrust! Where was the romance in her par -- ents' marriage? As far as she
knew, there had never been any. There had just been absence and alcohol and occasional bouts of
hostile sex. Yet there must once have been love, or else why had they married?
So apply the half-life law. Suppose they had fallen in love, and in six months gotten
married. She had been born the following year. Presto: their love had halved by the time she
appeared on the scene, and halved again in the next year and a half. How many times had it halved
by now? Take her age, fourteen, and add that first year and a half before her birth:
fifteen and a half years since their first love. Enough for ten halvings. Plus maybe a
quartering, or whatever. So if their love had started at a hundred per cent, it had gone to fifty
per cent, then twenty-five per cent, then -- brother! How low
had it sunk by this time?
Her thoughts fuzzed out, but her agile brain kept mulling it over, and in due -course she
concluded that it was just under
one per cent. So what she was seeing now was only a hun -- dredth of what they had started
with. So now it was just a shared house, some ugly sex, and a messed-up daughter. Their love-
child, as it were. More like a tough-love-child.
"You desire that with Darius?" Maresy inquired alertly.
"It wouldn't be that way with Darius!" she protested. But uncertainty was closing in, like
dark fog at dusk. If she could be with Darius, and go to his wonderful Kingdom of Laugh -- ter,
and everything was just perfect, would the romance be down to one per cent in fifteen years? Would
she be an al -- coholic and he be having affairs with other women? Would they have a suicidal
daughter?
Maresy faded out, for Colene was now absolutely, totally wide awake. Now she knew: it was
time to end it. There was no hope for romance, even if it were possible for her to join Darius. So
she had lost nothing, really; there had never been anything to make her life worth continuing.
The dirty pot would do. It wasn't as if her life were clean. She was the offspring of a
garbage marriage, and faced more garbage if she tried to grow up and get married herself. The
whole thing was pointless.
She sat with the pot, uncovered it, bared her arms, and picked up the knife. Now was the
time. Two swift, deep slices, then hang on. "I'll lay me down and bleed a while," she murmured.
"Then ne'er up again."
Yet somehow she didn't make the first cut. She shivered from the cold and the
anticipation, and her arms were goose -- pimply, but she just sat there not doing it. She couldn't
quite take that final step. She knew she had been playing at suicide before; she couldn't bleed to
death from the scratch of a com -- pass point. She could have done it from the slash of Slick's
razor, but that had been in company; she had known they wouldn't actually let her die. But now it
was real, and she just couldn't.
"What a hypocrite I am!" she exclaimed. "I know what to do, and I'm too cowardly to do
it!"
The knife dropped from her hand. She sat there and sobbed. She had come to the final test
of her life, and flunked it.
Yet she could not quite give up the death either. She sat there, congealing with cold,
breathing the miasma of the pot. Everything was hopeless! Maybe she would die of the cold,
or at least catch pneumonia and expire. Or would that be cheating?
COLBNE! Wait for me!
She snapped out of her drift. Time had passed, maybe a little, maybe a lot. She must have
nodded off, and dreamed.
Yet something had changed. She felt a certain imperative, or potential, or something.
Take hold! It was Darius! It was no dream. Maybe she was crazy, but
she was ready to go for it. If it was to be a one per cent romance fifteen years down the
line, so be it, but it was a hundred per cent now, and now was what counted. She would give him
everything immediately, before the joy of it could
fade.
She reached out with her mind and took hold. She felt
something settle into place. That was all.
But she knew reality had changed. It was a Virtual Mode:
a ramp spanning the realities from his to hers. Darius was coming for her! If he was
crazy, she would be crazy too.
Gloriously crazy in love!
What now, of the futility of romance? She didn't care; she was going for it. Because while
she was orienting on love,
she wasn't orienting on death.
She got up and looked around. Nothing had changed phys -- ically. But this was here, in
her reality. It would be different
in Darius' reality.
But how was she to get from here to there? Well, if this
was a true Virtual Mode, all she had to do was walk there. She would be at one end, he at
the other. It should be easy enough to cross the ramp and join him.
Why wait for him to come for her? She had wanted to depart this life. Now she could do it -
- without killing herself.
She would meet him halfway.
Still, it might be a fair distance. She should travel pre -- pared. She wasn't sure how
far it might seem in miles. If there were an infinite number of realities, was that an infinite
number of miles? No, it had to be fewer than that. But she
should use her bicycle, just in case.
She gathered up her scattered things, such as the canned food she had bought for Darius to
eat. He had used some,
but she had continued to bring in more as she scrounged it. Now she would eat it herself,
if she had to. She also dressed and packed a change of clothing, though what she had here in
Bumshed wasn't exactly clean.
Her bike was leaning against the wall of the shed, under the overhang. It wasn't in top
condition, but it was functional. She hadn't ridden it much in the past year, because a bike was
really kid stuff, and a teenager was not a kid. But a bicycle was the most efficient mode of
transport known to man; a person on a bike used less energy than any walking animal or any
traveling machine. So she would be a kid again to travel -- so that she could be a woman when she
got there.
Hastily assembled, she walked the bike out to the road. It wasn't nearly as late as it had
seemed in the shed; actually her watch said eight o'clock. Things were hardly stirring out --
side. She could get cleanly away before her parents caught on.
That made her pause. How would they react to her disap -- pearance? For she knew she
wasn't coming back.
She walked back to the shed. There she dug out a pad of paper and a pencil. DEAR FOLKS:
DON'T WORRY; I AM FINE. I JUST HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO. COLENE.
She tore off the sheet and set it on top of the board covering the pot. Eventually someone
would look in here, and then the note would be seen. That should be enough. They might put out an
alert for her, but she was going where their alert could not reach. As she understood it, the ramp
intersected her reality only at this spot; everything else was in other realities, no matter how
similar to hers it seemed.
She walked her bike back out to the street, got on it, and started pedaling. Immediately,
her sense of "whereto" went wrong. This wasn't the way.
She looped the bike and went the other way. Now it was better. It felt like going uphill,
only it wasn't physical and it wasn't hard. It was like orienting on a distant light.
Actually the light was a little to the side; the street wasn't going in quite the right
direction. But neither were the inter -- secting streets. She had to turn and go down one, then
turn again.
Then she reached a region where there weren't cross
streets, and had to keep going straight. Gradually her aware -- ness of the proper
direction faded. This was no good; it seemed that she had to stay pretty close to the center of
the
ramp, or she lost it.
Finally there was an intersection, and she turned and rode at right angles. Before long
she felt it: the attuning. Good;
that meant that she didn't have to stay on it all the time; she could detour and pick it
up later. She might have to do S -- shaped figures, crossing and recrossing the ramp, but it did
give her more freedom.
But was she getting anywhere? Everything looked ordi -- nary, not magical. She had now
biked more than a mile. That wasn't far, but how far would it be before something changed?
Terrified, Colene pedaled desperately, bumping her bike over the road-ground. The tiger
leaped -- and disappeared be -- fore reaching her.
What had happened? Had someone vaporized it? No, there had seemed to be no violence, other
than that being practiced by the tiger. It had just phased out.
She had ridden into another reality, where the tiger wasn't after her! It looked much the
same, but was different. Her ramp evidently made the terrain of the realities merge smoothly, so
she could travel along it, but the inhabitants were not continuous in the same way. That was
probably just as well; otherwise there might have been an endless chain of Colenes setting out on
their bicycles, all heading for the same set of Dariuses. One of each was enough!
Now she knew two more things: there was direct danger to herself in these realities, and
she could get out of it by moving quickly forward. But the farther she moved, the stranger things
were becoming. She could get into trouble before she knew it, and be stuck. If that tiger had
caught
her --
She delved into her pack and brought out the kitchen knife. Now it was not to cut her
arms, but to protect her! But she doubted she would be very effective against a telepathic tiger.
Surely worse lay ahead.
She realized now why so few cars had been traveling her way. She was going in the "steep"
climb through realities, and the cars were remaining in their own realities, so never
VIRTUAL MODE 97
reached her. But the streets going at right angles were all in whatever reality she was
passing at the moment, like long rungs on a ladder.
Should she turn back? She would be safer in more familiar territory. But that would not
get her to Darius. So she would have to go on, and hope she found him before she got into an
inextricable predicament, as Principal Brown would put it. Or an inedible picklement, as the kids
would translate it.
She rode forward. But this just wasn't cycling terrain. It was more work to ride than to
walk. So with regret she walked her bike, hoping to find a better road in another reality.
Suddenly a huge bear was in front of her. It wore a woods -- man's hat and held an axe. A
wild human! it thought. Exter -- minate it!
Colene wanted to run forward into the next reality, but the bear blocked the way. She
would have to retreat, and hope it would go away soon. She stepped back, and the bear van --
ished.
But suppose it didn't go away? Suppose it brought in its henchbears and waited for her
return? She could be caught before she could move! Suddenly her life, so worthless a few hours
ago, was excruciatingly precious.
She couldn't wait here long anyway; something similar to a bear or a cat would come along
the road, and nab her. Maybe she could hide in the forest to the side, but there were two problems
with that. One was that she didn't know what monsters were in there, or what bugs. The other was
that she didn't want to drift any farther than she had to from the direct ramp, because she might
not be able to find it again. Then she would really be in trouble, lost in shifting realities!
Even if she managed to handle those problems, what about night? When that came, and she
got tired, and had to sleep, she would be vulnerable. She had to get somewhere safe be -- fore
night -- and how could she find such a place, in these strange worlds? How could she trust even
the safest-looking place?
I'm in trouble! she thought, fearing that she was vastly understating the case. She really
should have waited for Da -- rius to come for her!
But was he any better equipped to handle these realities? His realm was magic, not
telepathy, not animal dominance.
He had almost died in her reality, because he couldn't cope without magic. She feared he
wouldn't do any better than she, and might do worse -- which would mean that he would not survive
the journey. So maybe she had better meet him half -- way, or three quarters of the way, to be
sure they both were alive to love when they met.
Are you from afar?
There was another thought, faint but clear. Was it a tiger or a bear? It felt friendly,
but that could be deceptive. Should
she answer?
Why not? She was in trouble anyway. Maybe this repre -- sented some kind of help.
Yes! she thought as hard as she could.
Are you in distress ?
Yes.
main animals, instead of a reality in which telepathy was practiced. She wouldn't mind living
here, near the stalls, and maybe sneaking treats to the horses when their masters weren't looking.
That was the nature of girls and horses.
But she certainly hoped that her telepathic friend really was a friend, because she was
getting physically tired and needed a safe place to rest. If it turned out to be another bear or
tiger --
Finally she stopped at a particular stall. There was a large
brown stallion in it, gazing out. Where next, Seqiro? she thought. Duck down and enter my
stall, the thought came back. We
must explore motives.
Enter the stall? Colene stared at the horse with dawning
wonder. Could it be?
There had been telepathic dogs, cats, and bears. Why not
ahorse? You?
Slowly the horse nodded.
Something very like instant love blossomed in her heart. A tiger or bear she would not
have trusted, but a horse! Of
course!
She ducked down under the heavy gate that closed the stall, and came up inside. She stood
next to Seqiro. He was about eighteen hands taU at the shoulder, about six feet. Almost a
foot higher than the top of her head. He smelled wonderfully horsy.
It was all so suddenly ecstatic. A mind-reading horse! What more could any girl ask?
May I pat you? she thought.
Yes.
She reached up and patted his massive neck on the left side. His mane fell to the right
side, so didn't get in the way. His hide was sleek and warm. What a beautiful creature!
May I hug you ?
Yes.
She reached up with both arms and clasped his neck as well as she could. She put her face
against his hide and just sort of breathed his ambience. He was just such a totally magnificent
animal!
May 1 adore you ?
Yes.
She felt her emotion surging into overload.
May I cry on you ?
Yes.
She stood there and wept, her tears squeezing down be -- tween her face and his hide. It
was a great relief.
Finally, she lifted her face. / like horses, she thought be -- latedly.
/ like girls.
That seemed to cover the situation.
CHAPTER 6 -- PRIMA
THE world seemed unchanged. He stood on the dais, -- within the marked circle beside the
castle. But the
Cyng of Pwer was gone.
He stepped out of the circle, in the direction that seemed proper. A plume-bird took wing,
startled. Darius was startled too; that bird had appeared from nowhere.
No, not nowhere. Darius was the one who had stepped into its reality. The geography might
be so similar as to be identical, and the animal life too -- but men and creatures did not follow
the same schedules here as in his own reality. So a bird had been roosting here. He had better
move on before the local Cyng of Pwer spied him and asked him what he was doing here. He didn't
know how many others there might be like him, in these very similar Modes.
He walked on toward the rim of the disk. He hesitated, then brought out his personal icon.
He squatted and drew the crude likeness of the dais of the Castle of Hiahtar. He acti -- vated the
icon and jumped it to that likeness.
He made it, but it was a gut-wrenching experience. Evi -- dently his sympathetic magic was
not well attuned to this
Mode.
to drink a lot of it, urinate it out, and filter it through sand to make it pure. That pure water
would be of his system, and could travel with him in his bag. It was not the most pleasant
mechanism, but nec -- essary. Food was harder; he would not have time to excrete it and grow new
plants from it, so he carried what he needed with him. He could mix it with water, expanding its
mass, and it would last a good length of time.
He moved on, and now the lake was left behind him, as constant as before, while plants and
animals flickered in and out of sight with each change of Modes. The animals he understood, but
why the variation in plants? Probably be -- cause the animals grazed on them, so changes in animal
life meant changes in plant life. Since adjacent Modes tended to be similar, if he saw a dramatic
shift in plant life, he would have to be extremely cautious about the animal life, even if he
didn't see it. Because it was probably nearby and the next Mode might put him abruptly face to
face with it.
The glimpses he got of animals were not reassuring. There seemed to be an increasing
number of dragons, and they were getting larger. They seemed to be squeezing other animals out,
almost as if -- Suddenly he was caught in a net. He struggled to get free of it, but it hauled him
into the air and held him. It was an animal trap, triggered by touching. He hadn't seen it because
it had not existed until he stepped into its Mode, moving swiftly.
He drew his sword and started cutting the threads of it. Who could have set up this trap,
and why? The second ques -- tion was readily answered: it was to snare wildlife alive, probably
for domestication or later slaughter. The setters of the snare had not figured on a Mode traveler
passing through.
He completed his cuts, sheathed the sword, and let himself down through the hole he had
made. He landed on the ground -- and discovered himself facing a dragon. A big one. A maneater.
The creature had evidently come up while Darius was cut -- ting himself free. He decided
to risk a conjuration, because this one was big enough to eat him. He activated his icon and moved
it back away.
There was a bit of wrenching in the gut, but his body did not move. He had passed beyond
the range of magic already.
Well, he could escape the monster simply by stepping into the next Mode; that was what he
should have done first. He started to move -- and the dragon leaped.
Darius found himself on his back, with the dragon's snoot at his face. The monster could
bite off his head in a moment!
Then a monkey appeared. The creature had another net, a smaller one. It put this net over
Darius' head, then yanked it up as the dragon backed off. Darius had to sit up, then stand, with
the net covering him from head to knees. The monkeys were in charge of this Mode?
The monkey held a cord connected to the net and walked to the side. When Darius tried to
step toward the next Mode, the dragon growled and breathed down the back of his neck. That monster
could snap him up in an instant; dragons had hunting reflexes. He had to walk exactly where the
monkey indicated.
The path veered to the side, but the monkey guided him in a straight though not level line
up a bank and into a forest of giant ferns. The dragon followed slowly. The way was marked by dabs
of color on the ferns or ground.
They knew! They knew he was crossing Modes, and they were keeping him in this one!
He figured it out as he was required to scramble across the irregular terrain, hewing to
the line that was this Mode's in -- tersection with his route. They had set out nets to snare wild
creatures, but also to catch Mode travelers. They could rec -- ognize the latter by their odd
clothing or alien nature. Then they brought the captives in, confining them to the narrow channel.
As long as they were alert, they could do it.
And what did they do with their special captives? He was surely about to find out! He
doubted he was the first one; the marked special path showed that. It wasn't regularly used.
Probably there were many such, so that they could bring in captives from whatever nets they were
found in. With ordi --
nary captures, they used the ordinary paths. So this wasn't a common occurrence, but
neither was it unknown.
In due course they traveled down a sloping field and to a collection of artificial
structures. They weren't exactly houses, but they weren't exactly anything else. They had sloping
upper surfaces, and walls made of bars.
Most of them were empty, but some did contain creatures. It was hard to see well, because
one structure tended to ob -- scure his view of another, but there seemed to be a wide variety of
animals and birds. One animal had eight legs and long antennae, but also a cowlike udder, which
suggested that it was a mammal, not a huge insect. One bird had four wings, translucent and
extended like those of a dragonfly, but it also had a beak and feathers.
This divergence of animal creatures intrigued him despite his present peril. As far as he
knew, the animals of Colene's Mode were similar to those of his own, so he had assumed that they
differed no more than did the people. He had evi -- dently been mistaken, because he was only pan
of the way between their two Modes, and had seen no people and a wide divergence of animals.
Certainly it smelled of animals! The odor thickened as they approached the structures,
becoming stifling. But he had no way to escape it. He did his best to tune it out. After all, it
had not smelled nice in Colene's shed, because of the pres -- ence of the fecal pot, but that had
not bothered him or ap -- parently her when they were together.
Colene: how he hoped he would reach her! Whether he lived or died was less important to
him than whether he was reunited with her. If only he had brought her with him! But he had been
put off by the realization of her youth and her depressive nature, and had blundered terribly.
He was brought along his straight line until it intersected one of the structures. Now he
saw that the thing was fairly large. Indeed, large enough for him to step inside. The mon -- key
put him in, took his pack, sword, and all his clothing, and carried them out to the dragon. The
bars slammed down, sealing him in. This was a cage!
Dragon and monkey departed. Darius looked around. He was now naked, but the air was warm
and he wasn't in phys -- ical discomfort. There was straw or the equivalent on the
floor, and a pot whose function he recognized from recent experience. That was all.
He checked the bars of his cage. They were set close enough together so that he could not
get past them, and were firmly anchored in the floor. They seemed to be of wood or something
similarly hard, perhaps cut from the stems of the big ferns. The floor under the hay was of the
same substance, seamless. So was the roof. Whatever it was, it was too strong for him to bend or
break. His sword might have chopped through it, but they had been smart enough to deprive him of
that, as well as his food.
He tried to peer beyond his cage, but all he could see was other cages, all empty.
Evidently recent trapping in this par -- ticular slice of the Mode had not been good.
But he had been caught! What was he to do? If he didn't get out of here soon, not being
able to complete his mission might be the least of his problems. The monkeys could be building the
fires for a roast.
He sat on the straw. If he got any chance, he would dive out of the cage and into the next
Mode. Better to be naked and free than risk recapture by trying to recover his clothes. But he
doubted that he would get the chance.
At least now he had a notion why so few ever returned from the Modes! It wasn't that they
got lost, but that they were caught and dispatched. It had not occurred to him that there could be
predators among the Modes, but it was all too clear now.
There was a stir beyond the cages. He peered out, and saw a figure approaching, followed
by a dragon. It was a human being!
Indeed, it turned out to be a woman. She seemed to be about forty and not unhandsome, but
there were deep lines i of sadness or weariness on her face. She wore what might ! once have been
a good conventional shirt, its buttons crossing' from left shoulder to right hip in the style for
the unmarried,' but its color had long since faded to gray and it had been [ patched many times.
Her skirt was evidently homemade from native material, puffing out from her hips and extending to
the calves; her original one must have worn out. Her feet were in sandals, and were filthy, the
toenails growing down i and around in a'manner that might be practical in a wilder- |
ness for protection against abrasions, but was detestable aes -- thetically. Her hair was
long and somewhat unkempt. As if maintaining appearances was pointless here. Surely that was true!
She carried his clothing, which was in a tangle. She came to stand outside his cell,
staring at him. Darius would have been uneasy about this at the best of times; he was even less at
ease now.
"Ung," she said, and passed the wad of clothing through the bars. She set his pack on the
ground beside her. "Ung, ung!" She made motions as of dressing.
Human but not of his culture, obviously. Darius said noth -- ing because it seemed
pointless. He untangled his clothing and quickly put it on.
"Ung," she said. "Ung pretend ung you ung ung don't ung understand."
It was his turn to stare. Words came through clearly amidst the nonsense syllables. There
was no doubt: she spoke his language, and wanted to conceal that fact from the captors. That
probably meant she was on his side! "Ung?" he asked, scratching his head. The woman turned to the
dragon and said something. The dragon exhaled steamy breath and settled down for a snooze.
"Play dumb," the woman said. "Look blank. I am testing you for responses to see whether we
can leam to communi -- cate. The dragon doesn't understand the words, but he is watching you. If
you give me away, we both are dead." Darius shook his head in feigned bafflement. "Ung?" "You are
from my Mode, or close to it," she said. "I can tell by your clothing and supplies. Look to my
right if you mean yes, and to my left to indicate no. Make no other re -- sponses, except obvious
ones." She twitched her right and left hands as she spoke, clarifying the signals. "Do you un --
derstand? ''
"Ung?" he said, looking to her right. "That is agreement. Now indicate disagreement." He
did not move his body, but he glanced to her left. "Good." She stood straight and made a grand
gesture of pointing to herself. "Me Prima." Darius had to grab onto the bars for support. Prima!
The
would-be female Cyng of Hiahtar he had promised to look for! Just like this he had found
her!
Actually it made sense. She would have been trapped the same way he had been, and probably
many others. She must have proved useful to her captors, so they had kept her alive.
"Me Prima," she repeated, touching herself again.
This time he responded more appropriately. "Me Darius," he said, touching himself.
Establishing names was elemen -- tary; he had done it with Colene. But he realized that it was
important not to let the captors know that he was from the same Mode as she, and that he knew of
her.
"Listen closely. The dragons govern this Mode. They have hunted most other species to
extinction and are desperate for new creatures to prey upon, because this is their nature. They
know about the Modes, but can not travel between them. They are hoping to capture a Mode traveler
who can give them the secret. Failing that, they will do what they can to restock this Mode with
prey. We must work together to es -- cape. If we do not, they will breed you to me to produce prey
they hope will be more of a challenge to hunt. Will you cooperate with me?" "^
Darius looked firmly to the right.
"THey will not let you have your sword. They will let you have your food. Magic is not
operative here. Do you have anything that might be used as a weapon that is not obvious
as such?"
Darius had to think about that. Then he got a bright notion.
He glanced right.
She squatted and began drawing things out from his pack. "Identify the things in your
language," she told him. "I have to appear to be making progress. Let your eyes tell me what your
weapon is."
She held up a package of beans. "Beans," he said.
"Beans," she repeated, and set the package down. She brought out a loaf of bread.
"Bread." He remembered how he had been confused by what had turned out to be white (not
brown) sliced (not whole)
bread in Colene's Mode.
"Bread," she repeated. So it went, item after item. Then, near the bottom, there was a
tiny box with slivers of wood inside.
"Matches,"he said, looking to the right. This was the box he had gotten from Colene and
brought back with him^ Matches were much like magic, but were actually science', and they
fascinated him.
"Matches," she repeated, this time truly unfamiliar with the term. "What are they?"
"Ung," he said, holding out his hand. The watching dragon made a warning puff of steam.
She handed him one match.
Darius held it by the business end and poked into his mouth with the bare-wood end. He was
using it to pick his teeth!
Both the woman and the dragon looked disgusted. Evi -- dently they had anticipated
something more significant.
He reached, signaling for another. The woman gave him one more match. He stuck this in the
other side of his mouth.
"This is a weapon?" she asked as she rummaged in his pack for what remained.
He glanced again to the right. Then he put the matches in a pocket.
After the woman completed the pack inventory, Darius risked telling her. "Ung. Kublai. Ung
ung."
Now she was the one who reeled. Oh, yes, she knew that name! She had loved Kublai, twenty
years ago.
She recovered. "When can you use your weapon?" she asked. "At any time?"
He looked to the right.
"Can it kill dragons?"
He looked left.
"Better in privacy?"
He looked right.
"I will come to you at night, to feed you. I can not open the cage; only a dragon can do
that. But they will put me in with you if I ask, because they are aware that breeding is not
instantaneous with strangers. Can you use your weapon then?"
He looked right.
She verified some words, holding up things they had iden -- tified from the pack. Then she
departed. The dragon glanced at him, then settled back to sleep.
Darius lay on the straw and closed his own eyes. He had a lot to assimilate!
DUSK came, and then darkness. Prima came, carrying not only his pack with its food, but a
bottle of water. She said something to the dragon, and the barred gate swung open. She stepped
inside, and the gate closed. How it worked Da -- rius couldn't fathom, except that it was under
the control of the dragon. If magic didn't work here, there must be some other type of force. The
dragons must have used it to establish dominance in their Mode, just as humans had used magic to
achieve power in-his own Mode.
"Now you must eat and drink," she told him, making broad gestures of food-to-mouth so that
the dragon could see that she was doing her job. "And after that, if I am to remain here with you,
I must make obvious attempts to seduce you, so that the dragon will know that we are potentially
breed -- able. I realize that this will be distasteful to you because I am too old and
unattractive, but our lives are at stake, so I ask you to behave in a manner the dragon will find
reason -- able."
"Ung," he said, taking bread from her. He certainly was hungry!
"As I interpret it, all you need to do to escape this Mode is to step into the next, which
is just beyond this cage. If I am in direct contact with you at that time, I should be able to
accompany you. This is because it is my home Mode too;
were it not, I would be unable to join you regardless of our contact. We shall have to
maintain contact continuously thereafter, because I fear I will slip away when we lose it, and be
lost in infinity."
"Ung," he said around his mouthful. He saw how this could get complicated, but if the
alternative was to be trapped here, it was necessary.
"I believe that once I emerge at the anchor site, I will be secure," she continued. "So I
will ask you to conduct me there. I realize that this will delay whatever mission you are on, but
perhaps I can provide you with information that will facilitate your mission, and in this manner
make up for it. I think, for example, I can enable you to avoid similar capture in the future."
He looked to her right, indicating his interest. It had be --
come obvious that he had entered the Virtual Mode woefully unprepared.
"Now, how do you propose to use your weapon?" she inquired. "I confess to being baffled
how those two tooth -- picks can hurt anything."
"They make fire," he murmured. "I will bum the straw, and burn through the wooden bars. It
will also distract the dragons."
"Fire!" she repeated, surprised. "But a pyro spell won't work here."
"This is not magic." He spoke into his bread, so that the dragon could not see him or hear
him. He hoped. "All I'm concerned about is how long it will take to bum through the bars. If the
fire is too big, I'll be burned too; if too small, the dragons will put it out too soon."
"Correct. Here is a better way: start the fire and feign sleep. I will scream to be
released. When the gate opens, you must launch yourself out, and sweep me with you across the
boundary.''
Darius was impressed. That did seem to be a better way to do it. Risky, of course, but
probably less so than his im -- perfect notion. "Then let's do it," he murmured. "Say when."
"Finish eating. Eliminate. Settle down to sleep. I will join you, but you will not yet be
responsive. I will tell you when to make the fire."
He glanced significantly to her right. Then he proceeded to stuff himself, for if their
escape was effective, it might be some time before they had another chance to eat. She ate some
with him, evidently trying to spark his interest in her.
His experience with Colene assisted him with the next stage. He did have to defecate.
Prima turned her back, and he did it on the pot. The dragon seemed to be snoozing, but he knew
better than to trust that.
He formed a bed of straw and lay down on it. Prima brought some more straw and joined him.
Now he smelled her body odor over that of the environment. She must not have washed in years! But
probably that was not her fault;
the captors seemed to have little concern for the hygiene of their captives.
She made as if to take off his clothing, and he demurred
with a curt gesture even the dragon could not mistake. Then ;,she removed her worn shirt,
showing her haltered bosom. It -^ #was a good one, considering her age. She took his hand and"^?
brought it to her halter, and he drew his hand back, but with less force than before. Thus the
dragon could see that she
was making some progress.
However, he was evidently tired, and dropped into his feigned sleep without being seduced.
Prima dug in his pack and brought out his blanket-pac, unfolding it and spreading it over him. He
had feared that its magic would be inoperative here, so that its thinness would offer no
protection against the cooling night, but it remained effective Then she rested quietly beside
him, seeming a bit frustrated but patient.
He had almost fallen asleep for real when she murmured,
"Now."
He had the two matches in his hand. He brought one slowly
out, his arm motion screened by his body and hers, and struck it against the hard wood
under the straw. First it sputtered, then it caught. He moved it under more straw, setting fire to
it. He nudged the straw away from him so that he would not be burned. He was in luck; there was a
slight breeze, and it not only fanned the nascent flame; it moved it away from
him.
Prima waited until the fire was well established. Then she
screamed. It was a truly piercing sound; it was all he could do to maintain his pretense
of sleep. Would the dragon be -- lieve that the scream hadn't jolted him awake?
Prima ran for the other end, shouting in what seemed to be the dragon language and
pointing back at the fire. The dragon's head snapped up, the big eyes blinked, and the gate
swung open to let her out.
Darius scrambled up and caught the strap of his pack as he launched himself after her. The
gate began to swing closed, but Prima wasn't clear of it, and it couldn't complete the motion.
Then he came through, sweeping his free arm around her waist, and rammed onto the side of the
cage.
The dragon had been caught by surprise, and had made the mistake they had hoped for, but
now its hunter reflexes came into play. It leaped forward, intercepting the two of them and
shoving them back and down with its nose. But Darius clambered over its nose, lifting Prima with
him, and
they tumbled to the other side of the dragon. The dragon turned to snap at them, its jaws
opening -- and they rolled into the next Mode. It looked the same as the other, but there was no
fire and no dragon. Only the light of the moon and stars. It was as if the fire and dragon had
ceased to exist. Actually they had never existed, in this Mode.
"Don't let go of me!" Prima gasped.
He had been about to. Instead he tightened his grip around her waist. "Are you sure we
have to maintain contact if we're not actually crossing Modes?"
"No, but it's a strong likelihood. I've been trapped for twenty years; I don't want to be
trapped for the next twenty." "But I have pulled you into my Virtual Mode," he argued. "You should
stay on it now."
"We must talk," she said. "Until then, do not let go of me. Let's get away from here;
there are surely other dragons, because this is an adjacent Mode, almost identical to the one we
left."
Sure enough, he saw the outline of a dragon approaching. It looked just like the one they
had escaped, but it was beyond several cages. They needed to get away from this entire set of
Modes.
Arms around one another's waist, like lovers, they walked into the next Mode. The dragon
vanished. They continued to walk, until the cages shrank and finally disappeared. The landscape
looked the same, in the dim moonlight, but there was now no sign of artificial structures.
"We had better tie ourselves together," he said as they paused. "Otherwise we could lose
contact by accident, if we are surprised." He set down the pack, wondering how to put it on
without letting go of her.
"There's no cord in your pack, and I have none," she said.
"Maybe I can tear off a sleeve of my shirt, and use that," he suggested. Why hadn't he
thought to carry a good length of cord? Its advantage was obvious.
"You may need that to protect your arm from the sun." She considered a moment. "I have
something. Put your arms around my waist."
He did so. She turned within his grasp, so that she faced away from him. Then she leaned
forward, reached behind her, up inside her shirt, and untied her halter. The front of
it, loosened, dropped down against his hands. She reached inside the front and hauled it
out, leaving him with her breasts on his hands. He was too startled to react. This woman was of
his Mode?
They linked arms, his left to her right, hands clasping fore -- arms, the halter bound
around the wrists in the middle. It wasn't ideal, and if they fell they could wrench their arms,
but they were unlikely to let go by accident.
"As I recall, it requires more than a day to walk to your anchor, and this is night," she
said. "It will be better to find a secure place to sleep."
"That may be a problem. I have lost my sword, and have only one match left. A high place
may be subject to predator birds, and a low place to predator reptiles. I saw each kind during my
journey out."
"Yes. We had better make weapons. I would also like to bathe.''
That was a relief! Her odor had been bad in the cage; now it was overwhelming. The folk of
his Mode were normally scrupulous about cleanliness; he was glad to leam that she remained true to
form.
"I passed a mountain lake not far back."
"Were there trees nearby?"
"Yes. Not any variety I know."
"Let's go there first. Then perhaps we can hide in a tree, after we talk."
She seemed to have a better notion how to proceed than he did, so he agreed. He realized
that this was good experi -- ence; what he was learning now should help him rescue Colene.
They moved on to the lake, proceeding carefully and qui -- etly in the darkness. When they
reached it they stripped, but remained linked. More correctly, they remained linked and tried to
strip. Their shirts could not pass their linked arms. So they walked into the chill water and
washed in tandem, he standing in front with his left arm reaching back, she with her right arm
reaching forward. She held his shirt and other clothing while he washed. Then he held the bundle
of their clothing while she stepped forward and washed. He felt dis -- tinctly awkward putting his
hands on her shirt, halter, skirt, and diaper, but it was necessary. This reminded him that
Colene had not used diapers; she had had almost sheer pant -- ies that barely sufficed for
concealment. But she normally wore trousers, so that her undergarment could never be seen by
accident. The purpose of diapers, of course, was to cush -- ion the secret region from gaze and
touch, making it unfeas -- ibie to see the shape of it. Now he was seeing everything, in a manner
normally reserved only for one about to undertake sexual contact. But this was a very special
situation.
Unable to do much else, he stared mostly into darkness while she washed. After she got the
caked grime loose, she rinsed her hair, and though it remained tangled, it assumed better color.
It was not proper of him, but linked as he was to her, it was difficult for him not to glimpse her
body in the moonlight. He saw that she was lean rather than plump, but her posterior was well
rounded and her breasts were of ade -- quate mass. Kublai had said she was not a pretty woman --
no, he had said she was not remarkable in appearance or personality, which wasn't quite the same --
and that was true. But she had evidently had the stamina to survive twenty years of captivity and
retain her ability to speak her native lan -- guage, and to act promptly to escape when the
opportunity presented itself. That spoke well for her personality, and in the appropriate apparel
her body would be attractive enough. Perhaps he had been comparing her to a young beauty, such as
Colene, which was unfair.
In moments they were both shivering. They came out and shook themselves. Their clothing
was dry, but they wanted to keep it that way. "We must hug for warmth until we dry," she said.
He was constrained to agree. They embraced face to face, their linked arms somewhat
awkwardly to the side. He was too cold to be sexually stimulated; he was just glad for her warmth.
When they were dry enough, they put their dirty clothes back on. They scrounged for some
sticks, but not for a fire;
these were makeshift weapons. Then they sought a suitable tree with branches both big
enough and high enough to en -- able them to settle comfortably above the ground. That should
protect them from nocturnal ground animals, and the foliage might shield them from great birds.
It was awkward climbing with their arms linked, and awk --
###
118 PIERS ANTHONY
ward getting comfortably settled. Finally they sat facing each other, with their backs
braced against the large forking branches of the tree, his feet wedged against the knots to the
side of the opposite branch, her legs lifted and spread so that her knees embraced his waist while
she sat partly on his thighs. His inadequate blanket covered their shoulders.
"I could wish that I were younger," she murmured, "for this position would surely drive
you mad."
He remembered how Colene's nai'vete about the spread of her clothed legs had nearly done
so. "You are not old enough to avoid that risk. Fortunately it is too dark to see."
"I thank you for that courtesy. However, you have seen my body. Please answer with candor:
do I retain sexual ap -- peal?"
"Yes, but -- "
"I mean, allowing for my age, of course."
"That was not the nature of my qualification. I am a man of honor."
"I thank you again, Darius. You are very much a man of my culture."
He tried to tilt his head back, so as to rest it against the branch behind him, but that
was awkward. "Please do not misunderstand. I think I must put my head forward, on your shoulder,
to sleep."
"Understood. We shall embrace as necessary to be com -- fortable." She put her head on his
left shoulder, and he put his on her left shoulder. They linked their free arms to com -- plete
the solidity of the position. Thus braced, it would be possible to sleep safely, and their
closeness helped shield them from the cold. It was far from ideal, in several respects, but
feasible.
"We shall sleep soon, but now we must talk," Prima said, as if they had not been doing so
all along. "You have been most patient and accommodating. Please, if you will, tell me of your
mission here. You surely have most pressing reason to risk the Modes."
"I made a spot trip to a far Mode, searching for a woman I could both love and marry," he
said. "I am the current Cyng of Hiahtar. I think you know the problem."
"Indeed I do! I think you know mine too."
"Yes. Kublai wanted most sincerely to leam of your fate.
VIRTUAL MODE 119
He agreed to take my place if I would search for you as I went."
She was silent for a moment. Then she asked: "What is Kublai's present feeling for me?"
"I think it is not love. He had had to marry many times, and discard all his wives, until
he retired. Now he has mar -- ried for love, at last. But he loved you once, and remains sorry it
could not be worked out. I think he holds his emotion in abeyance, expecting either to leam
nothing of you, or of your death. Now of course, while he takes my place, he has had to divorce
his love-wife and make her his love-mistress. She is not pleased with that."
"I know the feeling."
"Yes, of course." Not only had she not been able to marry for love, she had not been able
to assume the post for which she was plainly qualified.
"If I return, would he marry me?"
"But the Cyngs of Hiahtar don't marry for love!"
She merely lifted her head and looked at him in the dark -- ness.
Embarrassed, he_gave her the answer. "Yes, I believe he would. Your power would make no
other wife necessary. But I understood that this was not a role you sought."
"It was not. But I had time to think, in twenty years, and I realized that such a marriage
was a better use for me than what I had with the dragons."
"What did they make you do?"
"Very little. They were saving me for the chance arrival of another of my kind. Then I was
either to discover his secret of Model travel, or to breed with him."
"But there is no secret!" he protested. "The Chip must be set from the anchor point."
"So I tried to tell them. They were not sure they could believe me. So I helped feed the
captives, until their Modes expired and they could be freed."
"Freed?"
"There isJio sport in hunting a caged creature. But one that has fled the cages and gone
out into the wilds can be a pleasant challenge. I was smart enough never to do that, so I
survived."
120 PIERS ANTHONY
"I am glad you did. I think I would not have escaped without your help."
"I did it for myself as much as for you. But now we must ascertain where we stand."
"I thought we had done that."
"No. What do you suppose the chances of your encoun -- tering me were?"
"Obviously good enough!"
She shook her head. Her hair moved against his own. "That is not the case. There are an
infinite number of Modes. How did we meet in one?"
"I was crossing Modes, until I was trapped in the same way you were. Thus there was no
chance involved."
"Not so. Infinity is broader than that. There are not only an infinite number of types of
Modes, there are an infinite number of each type. An infinite number of Cyngs setting out in
search of love. An infinite number of dragons trapping travelers. How is it that you encountered
me, when there are an infinite number of variations of you and an infinite number of variations of
me?"
That had not occurred to him. "Perhaps it was a fortunate chance."
"I think not."
"What are you saying?"
"I am saying that we did not meet."
He lifted his head, startled. "This is humor?"
"No. I shall explain. We are from different Modes."
"But we speak the same language! We have the same con -- ventions! And I know of you, and
you know of Kublai! Our Modes match!"
"No. Our Modes are very similar, but they surely do not match. That is why I must remain
bound to you until I reach your anchor. Were I identical, I would not need such contact;
once you drew me onto your Virtual Mode, I would remain on it, being of the substance of
your universe. Were I too far removed, I would not be able to cross with you at all. But I am in
between: close enough to cross with your help."
"But perhaps you are identical," he said.
"No. When I came close to you, and touched you, I did not step onto your Virtual Mode,
though I could feel its am -- bience. I was one of^the infinite number of near misses. So
VIRTUAL MODE 191
you see, there is no great coincidence in our meeting. There are infinitely more
mismatches than perfect matches."
"But then why do you want to return with me?"
"Because your Mode is also infinitely better than the al -- ternative. At least once I am
through your anchor point I will be able to remain, for your Mode will surround me far more
solidly than does the Virtual Mode. A man very like the one I loved will be there. I hope he will
marry me."
"But surely you would not deceive him!"
"Surely not! I will tell him the truth, and offer him my body and my power for his
disposal, as long as he wishes either.''
Darius nodded. "I think he will accept. But he will be concerned about the fate of his
original Prima."
"She may well be traveling back to the Mode of another Darius, to marry another Kublai."
Her chest heaved with silent laughter. "We are interchangeable."
He did not laugh. "But when I return, he will vacate the post, and need no Cyng wife."
Her face lifted again and turned to his. "If you return with your love, would you marry me
then? I can do for you what I can do for him, and I would be discreet about your love --
mistress."
Darius was startled. A power of multiplication rivaling his own!
"Why, yes, I believe I would! You understand the nature of the marriage."
"I certainly do. Consider us affianced, in that unlikely event.''
Darius sank into thought, his mind racing. He had visited the other Mode in search of
exactly a woman such as this:
one who could expand his power so greatly as to make it no burden, without being depleted
herself. He had found her. She was not young and lovely and sweet; she was old and smart and
cynical. She was not his love. She was Kublai's lost love. What a strange solution!
"You were correct," he remarked. "There was something to talk about.''
"Yes. There is more, but I felt it necessary to clarify our relationship as I believe it
is, so as not to deceive you."
"More?"
192 PIERS ANTHONY
"I have had twenty years to ponder the nature of the Modes," she reminded him.
"Kublai will be most interested in what you have to say." He might be interested himself,
but right now he was tired, and wanted to sleep.
"Delicately put. Let me mention just one other question, whose answer I believe I know."
the Chip Mode, because he gradually loses contact. If he does not return fairly soon, he never
will."
"Yes. I call it the Virtual Mode, because it is analogous to a state of functioning by
that name in the Mode where I met my love. It is presumed that a traveler has been killed or lost
or trapped as you were. Now that I have learned what happened to you, I consider this presump --
tion confirmed."
"Virtual Mode," she repeated musingly. "As if it is some -- thing not quite real, yet
seems real. A useful concept." She paused, evidently assimilating the notion. "However, the
presumption of the reason a traveler through the Modes does not return is not confirmed. He may
indeed be killed, lost, or trapped, but the mechanism is more basic than that. You are aware how
you must eat and drink cautiously in foreign Modes, because you can not immediately assimilate the
food."
"Yes. I was warned, but forgot. I drank at this lake,
and lost the water from my stomach. I had to do it again, and
wait."
"Precisely. Your body isolates the foreign molecules and separates them from their Mode;
they must join yours. But the corollary is more dangerous: the more foreign matter you incorporate
in your body, the less remains of your original substance. Eventually your body is more foreign
than native, and you are unable to remain on the Virtual Mode. Then you are trapped, regardless of
the rest of your situation. This hap -- pened to me."
"But the dragons caged you!"
VIRTUAL MODE 125
"Yes. They caged me and fed me, and in due course I became too much of their Mode, and
could not escape. I had little choice: had I refused to eat, I would have died of starvation. They
knew that. They would have done that with you. They allowed me to feed you your own food because
they wished me to ingratiate myself with you. They knew that in time your food would be ex --
hausted, and the process of assimilation into their Mode would accelerate. The very process of
breathing was al -- ready beginning that."
"Breathing!" he exclaimed.
"When you breathe, you exchange molecules of your sub -- stance with those of the air. The
longer you breathe, the greater amount of foreign matter you incorporate."
"I never thought of that! Of course you are right."
"I have had a long time to ponder the aspects of my failure," she said with a wan smile.
"It is not surprising that some of my realizations are new to you. I would have told you this had
we remained trapped, and the dragons would have noted your reaction and seen that I was impress --
ing you."
"And if you succeeded in winning my confidence, you might leam from me how to cross the
Modes," he said. "I see their logic. But you succeeded too well."
"That was my desire. I think now that I could have ad -- dressed you directly without
trying to mask it with nonsense syllables; the dragons are not highly vocal and do not really
understand the versatility of it. But I was determined not to squander my only chance for escape."
"So your body is mostly of the dragon Mode," he said. "But I am aware of no actual
attraction of a Mode. I do not find myself sliding back to my anchor Mode when I relax. Why should
it pull you back?"
"It may not," she admitted. "But it could work in this way: if I became separated from
you, I would be unable to cross Modes toward your anchor. But I might be able to cross them toward
the dragon realm, because it is as it were downhill for my present substance. Since the Virtual
Mode intersects only a narrow segment of each Mode, I would inevitably stumble across and be moved
back. Cer -- tainly I would not reach your anchor. My fear is that even
do my best to repay this incon -- venience for you. For example, I may be able to show you how to
cross Modes more safely, so that you run no further risk of being trapped."
"That would be a great help!"
"When we reach your anchor, and I am safe there, I will fetch you mirrors. It should be
easy to make a struc -- ture to hold a set of them, one reflecting to the other. When the forward
mirror is poked across the border of Modes, its light could be reflected through a closed tube to
the backward mirror. I think you could then see in the backward mirror the image from the forward
one, not overwhelmed by the images of the Mode in which you
stood."
Darius was intrigued by the concept. "If light can be reflected across the border, why
can't we just look
across?"
"I think we could if we were not attuned to the Mode in which we stand. We need to isolate
our sight from that, just as we need to isolate our flesh from it if we wish to depart it. Perhaps
I am mistaken. It is a concept I played with, and I would like to discover whether it works."
"I will certainly try it!" he said. "If it protects me from walking into a net, this delay
will have been worth it." Then he reconsidered. "I do not mean to imply that it is not worth --
while to rescue you."
She laughed. "I understand perfectly!"
She surely did. She was older than he, and not beautiful (though not ugly), but she had a
good mind to go with her excellent power. He was adjusting to the notion of marrying her, when he
returned with Colene. That would indeed give
VIRTUAL MODE 127
him love and advantage in his post, though not in the same woman. It would make his foray
onto the Virtual Mode a success.
Having assimilated the water, they moved on across the Modes. Darius was now conscious of
a resistance in his body, as if the foreign molecules were dragging behind. But it was so slight
as perhaps to be his imagination. After all, Prima, who had twenty years' accumulation of foreign
substance in her body, was having no apparent difficulty crossing. Unless it was the resistance of
her substance, in contact with his, which caused the drag.
He expected their return to be slower than his original jour -- ney, but it was faster.
His familiarity with the route and her eagerness to reach the anchor made for excellent progress.
They did encounter a large predator at one point, but a quick dodge back across the Mode border
solved that. Prima also insisted on leading the way, so that she rather than he would catch the
brunt of danger. She seemed almost fearless in her cooperation.
When they reached the point at which he had diverged from the direct route, he explained,
and she agreed as to the wisdom of that course. They retraced his route across the plain. When he
judged they were close to his Mode, he con -- jured them to the dais of the Cyng of Pwer.
Then sudden doubt assailed him. "How can I be sure it's my anchor?" he asked. "If there
are an infinite num -- ber of Dariuses entering an infinite number of Virtual Modes -- "
"Each should relate to his own anchor," she said. "Your Virtual Mode slants across Modes
at such an angle that three paces separate them. When you take the final three paces, you should
be at the correct anchor. My case diners; I lost my Mode, so have no such orientation and must
depend on yours."
"I hope you are right," he said.
"And if it is a different anchor, but so similar that it accepts you, and no one can tell
the difference, does it matter?"
"Of course it matters! Those awaiting my return would wait in vain, for I would be in the
wrong Mode!"
"But that wrong Mode would stand in the same need of
128 PIERS ANTHONY
your return as your own, and your return would be as bene -- ficial to it."
He did not feel equipped to answer that. He just hoped it
was the right one.
They reached the anchor and stepped onto the marked cir -- cle.
CHAPTER 7
UNDERSTANDING
RUT why were you calling me? Colene inquired after -- recovering control of herself.
/ need help to escape, Seqiro replied. I felt the invitation of the Virtual Mode, and
accepted it. But I must step out of my stall to utilize it, and can not without breaking it down.
I can open it for you, she said. The latch looks simple enough.
The horse twitched an ear. For your human fingers, yes. For my hoof, no.
She stepped toward it. / will do it now.
He brought his nose about to intercept her. Not yet. I will need feed and some supplies
before I travel, for grazing has disadvantages on the Virtual Mode.
But I thought horses liked to graze!
We do. But the food of other realities is difficult to assim -- ilate, and best avoided
until the journey is complete.
She was surprised. What's wrong with it?
When you cross realities, what you have recently eaten remains behind, for it is not of
your reality.
She had packed supplies because she had been uncertain what she would find along the way.
Now she was very glad she had done so!
I'm going to find my lost lave, Darius, she thought. Where are you going?
150 PIERS ANTHONY
With you.
But you may not like it in his reality!
I will like it with you.
He wasn't just saying it, he was thinking it, and the sin -- cerity of his thought was not
to be doubted. Oh, Seqiro, you are so much more than I ever dreamed of!
I know. I felt you coming from afar, and hoped you were human. It is a strain to think
across realities, but with the Virtual Mode it is possible, and I had to find you and bring you to
me.
This was sudden, but right. Colene knew her life had changed, in a way she had never
expected. She had loved Darius quickly; she loved Seqiro instantly, but in a different way.
Instant love was supposed to be foolish, as it was based on infatuation rather than knowledge, but
with direct mind contact, that rule was irrelevant.
Soon she learned his situation, because he made a com -- prehensive explanatory mental
picture: this was a reality in which the horses governed, just as the dogs, cats, and bears
governed some of the realities she had passed. They did it by telepathy, imposing their will on
human beings. To an outside observer, this was much like a human reality, but here the humans
acted at the behest of the horses, feeding them, ex -- ercising them, and guarding them.
But Seqiro had too much of a mind for leisure. He wanted to explore new frontiers and gain
new understandings. He also tended to be generous to his handlers. This had made other horses look
bad, and finally they had acted by removing his handlers, effectively confining him to his stall.
He was being pressured to change his ways. He had resisted -- and then felt the questing of the
Virtual Mode.
There had been such questings before, but he had not cared to risk them. Now he had to,
for it was his only likely escape, physically and mentally. It was no coincidence that this con --
nection had come; only those in great need established Vir -- tual Modes, and only those in
similar need attuned to them. They were like calls across the realities: I NEED YOUR HELP. SHARE
MY ADVENTURE. But such adventure could be extremely strange. Thus only specially receptive minds
felt the questings, and only the most strongly moti -- vated folk accepted them.
VIRTUAL MODE 131
But there was serious risk entailed, for though he knew he could escape via the Virtual
Mode, he did not know who had instituted it, or for what purpose. He did know that other animals
had mental powers, and that many of these were predator species. If this happened to be a tiger
Mode, he would have difficulty relating and would probably perish. If, on the other hoof, it was a
compatible species, he might do very well, and gain intellectual satisfaction.
When he had tuned in to her approach, he had perceived what seemed to be a human
personality. Could it be a human Mode? That possibility had not occurred to him before, but of
course any species could institute a Virtual Mode if it knew how. He had never noted any
telepathic power in the human kind, but it was certainly possible that it existed in variants of
that species in distant realities. Certainly a human animal could be compatible; human animals
were a horse's best friend here.
Then it turned out that the approaching human was only potentially telepathic. This was
very promising, because such a human would need a horse for mental contacts, just as a horse
needed a human for physical chores. Would the human be amenable to such cooperation? It was
female, and fe -- males tended to like horses for themselves, apart from their power; that was
another positive sign.
By the time Colene reached his stall, he had the answer. The sheer chance of the Virtual
Mode had brought him the ideal companion. Their two realities might be different in most cultural
and practical respects but they aligned in what counted most for this purpose: the affinity of
horses and girls. It was a bond that needed no further justification.
Yes, Colene agreed.
Now you must get my things, for I can not do it, and bring them to me, so I can travel
with you.
But I am limited to a ten-foot swath, she protested. If I step out of it, I will leave
this reality and lose you.
Not once you pass through the anchor, as you did when you entered my stall. Now you are in
my reality, until you approach it from the other side.
She found that hard to believe, but it turned out to be true:
she could now leave the stall and cross the aisle without los -- ing track of him. She was
now in his reality, all the way.
152 PIERS ANTHONY
They got it organized: she would hide her bicycle in his stall, then fetch his feed and
supplies, then open his gate and they would depart his anchor, as he called it, and resume
progress toward her destination. Seqiro had no destination for himself; he merely wished to be
free to explore and leam,
without suffering undue hardship.
He made a mental picture for her, how she should dress and deport herself so as to pass
unnoticed among the local attendants. Any human folk she should ignore, but she would have to
respond to any equine queries. She should indicate that she was on private business for her steed,
and move on. The uniform was simple: a loincloth, cape, and sandals. There was a supply shed near
the stall; she went and changed, under his mental guidance. She removed her own clothing, then put
on the loincloth. It circled her waist once, looped into two ends in front, and one end passed
down between her legs and up and over in back. It rather resembled the cloth worn by the American
Indians, being supremely simple and func -- tional. When she had that properly wrapped, she donned
the cloak, which was a circle with a hole in the center; it came down to about her waist. Then
sandals, each one fashioned of two slabs of wood linked by cord, for heel and toe, and a loop of
cord for the ankle. Again: about as simple and func -- tional as clothing could be. Obviously the
human folk of this
reality did not rate fancy outfits.
Then she donned the hat. This was what identified her status and affiliation. It was like
a beanie with a hanging tassel, and the manner the tassel fell indicated her degree of autonomy.
Some humans had more responsibility than oth -- ers, and could act without constant direction from
their
horses.
Now she walked to the granary for the feed. She passed
other humans, who were similarly garbed. They ignored her. She knew they would not have,
had she appeared publicly in her own clothing. Had Seqiro not been guiding her as she first came
onto these premises, she would have run afoul of
others.
The granary was stocked with bags of grain. Take two, if
you can carry them, Seqiro thought. Each represents approx -- imately one day's feed, and
I will need eight.
She picked up two, putting their straps over her shoulders.
VIRTUAL MODE 135
She walked back with them and set them in Seqiro's stall. She made another trip, bringing
two more. She was surprised how easy it was; others seemed not to see her at all. She could take
the whole granary, load by load, and no one would care. She tossed her head, feeling carefree for
the moment;
this was fun in its ways. Her cap almost fell off, and she had to jam it back.
Then someone did notice. It was a young man. He glanced passingly at her, did a
doubletake, and approached her. He stared at her hat.
Seqiro -- something's wrong, she thought, hoping he was tuning in. She could not broadcast
her thoughts; it only seemed like it. He was able to think to her alone, so that others of his
kind did not know he was breaking confinement, but he might not do that continuously now that she
knew what she was doing.
/ am here.
She pictured the situation, hoping she didn't have to put it into words, because that
would take too much time.
fun way.
She went for other things, and brought them back and put them in their loops in the
harness. The horses were mental creatures here, but obviously they could handle physical work too.
It was probably easier than making the relatively puny humans do it. The humans were for minor
chores.
She loaded her bicycle on top of his other things, because he thought she would be unable
to use it in this vicinity. She was amazed at how much of a load he could bear, but he was
unconcerned.
But as she was fetching one of the last items, a block of salt, there was a different mind
touch. What are you doing?
That wasn't Seqiro! Which meant it was another horse. Which meant trouble. What was she to
do? She shouldn't answer, but if she didn't there might be trouble too.
She kept her mind quiet. As far as she knew, a thought had to be conscious to be read. The
ordinary mind was such a jumble of this and that and reactions and temporary con -- cerns that it
was hopeless as far as any outside perception went. But when she made something conscious, she
formu -- lated it, and that was what Seqiro read. So if she formulated no response, the other
horse should find her mind a muddy slate. She hoped.
Identify yourself, the thought came imperiously.
Could she risk a thought directed to Seqiro? She doubted it, because she wasn't sending,
he was reading, and the other horse could do the same. Maybe Seqiro was able to read the other
thought, so already knew. In that case he probably couldn't send to her, because the other horse
would pick it
Good enough.
She stepped out of the nook, and walked around the cor -- ner. The way was clear. She
approached Seqiro's stall. She knew that at any moment things would heat up again, so she wasted
no time. She reached into the supply shed near his stall and fetched her clothing and pack.
She came to stand before his stall. Was it safe to think a clear thought yet? She doubted
it. Better just to get on with the escape without further mind talk.
She reached for the bar which only human hands could remove, not hoofs. It came up,
releasing the gate.
The grain and supplies would have to be enough; she couldn't chance going back for the
salt. She got her pack on her back, stuffing her original clothing into it; there was no time to
change now either. She pointed to the aisle before the stall, indicating her eagerness to go
before anyone returned. She hoped Seqiro agreed.
Then she heard something. She looked back.
There were two more men, barring the way. They held pitchforks in a manner that made them
look exactly like weapons.
Now we know whom you serve, the hostile thought came. We gave you the chance to show us.
Go, Seqiro! she thought desperately. She realized that their mental silence had been for
nothing; the boss-horses had out -- tricked them. Before they can attack you!
Seqiro started to move out. The men moved to bar his way, the tines of the pitchforks
orienting on his head. They were the servants of horses, but not of Seqiro.
Colene ran out ahead. "Get away! Get away!" she cried, hoping to startle them into retreat
just long enough to let Seqiro out of the stall.
Instead one man dropped his fork and grabbed her, while the other continued to hold his
tines at Seqiro's eye level.
138 PIERS ANTHONY
They were under expert control, all right. They had neither startled nor panicked.
She struggled, but all she did was get her cape jammed up against her neck; the man was
strong. So she tried another tactic: she twisted some more, deliberately causing her cape to ride
up farther, exposing her breasts. "See how nice I am," she said. "Watch me, not the horse."
The man holding her looked down, interested. He evi -- dently did not understand her
words, but he could see her body well enough. The other one was looking too now, his fork dropping
low. Colene both loved and hated herself for doing this; it was akin to the way she made others
laugh while she thought of the blood flowing from her wrists. She de -- lighted in the power of
her body to make men stare, while knowing that she was cheapening herself in the process.
Then, suddenly, the second man forgot her and turned back to Seqiro. The other horse had
taken control of his mind! The horses got no sexual thrill from seeing her torso. The fork lifted
again. But the man holding her did not let go. Instead he started to drag her back, away from the
horse.
Go, Seqiro! she thought again. At least he would get free.
Then the man with the fork doubled over, the weapon clat -- tering to the floor. The one
holding her dropped similarly. Go, Colene! Seqiro thought back at her.
She realized that Seqiro had used his own power of stun -- ning on the men, now that there
was no point in further mind silence. She caught her balance and ran for the stall. She had to go
into it, and then out of it on the Virtual Mode. Like passing the other way through a tunnel to
another valley.
But before she got there, the other horse stunned her too. It was like a hammer blow to
the head; she felt her conscious -- ness fleeting. Just as the other horse had not been able to
protect its minions from Seqiro's blows, Seqiro could not protect her from the blow of the other
horse.
But it wasn't quite complete. The other horse was farther away, so some force was lost.
She fought to hang on to what she could before it overwhelmed her. If she could make it through
before losing consciousness --
She found herself falling into the stall. She had made it! But now that she was down, she
could not get up. Her body
VIRTUAL MODE 139
would not respond. She could only lie here, at the anchor but not through it. So close, so
far!
Go, Seqiro! she thought again.
Something brushed her face. It was the end of his tail. She grabbed onto it and clung with
what she hoped was a death grip.
She felt herself being dragged forward, out of the stall. She was unable to fight any
more.
SHE found herself face down in the aisle. Rise, Colene, Seqiro's thought came urgently.
Get on me.
She lifted her head. Only a few seconds had passed, she thought, but the men were gone.
What had happened?
Up! Up!
She responded sluggishly to his thought. She dragged her -- self to her hands and knees,
then caught hold of part of Se -- qiro's harness and hauled herself up that.
A horse appeared down the aisle. It looked surprised.
Hold on. Seqiro stepped forward, dragging her with him. In a few steps the other horse
disappeared.
At last she caught on to what was happening. They were crossing realities! Seqiro had
dragged her from the anchor into another reality on the Virtual Mode, leaving the men and horses
of his own reality behind. Perhaps that change had eased the pressure on her mind, allowing her to
recover a bit. But the adjacent reality was very similar, with more tele -- pathic horses, who
would surely interfere if they realized what was happening, so they had stepped into a third one.
Buoyed by that realization, she clung to the harness arid made her legs move. She started
to walk beside Seqiro. The motion helped restore circulation and clear her mind.
They turned and walked down the aisle, then turned again at the comer and resumed crossing
realities. The stalls began to change appearance. They were on their way!
Colene's head cleared. Apparently the other horse's stun -- thought had done no physical
damage.
They left the village, or maybe the village just faded away in the new realities. They
were now in open countryside, with some trails going who-knew-where. It was nice. She realized
that the details of her own anchor reality must have been constantly changing similarly, when she
started out. She had
140 PIERS ANTHONY
been focusing only on the road ahead, and had been em -- broiled in her own confused
thoughts, so had paid almost no attention to her surroundings. Also, it had been morning, in the
suburbs, with little traffic, so she had not seen cars pop -- ping in an out of existence at
first. From the first ten feet, she had been in a far weirder environment than she had re --
alized!
"Say, maybe we can find a salt block out here, to replace the one I dropped," Colene said
brightly.
That will not be effective, Seqiro replied. She realized that she had spoken rather than
thought, but it seemed to make no difference: he tuned in to her focused thoughts, and she had to
focus them to talk. In fact, that was easier.
"Why not? Salt is salt, isn't it? It won't hurt you just be -- cause it's from another
reality?"
It will not hurt me. But we can not carry such a block across realities.
"Now, wait a minute! You explained about not being able to eat anything in other
realities, but you're carrying a whole big load of supplies across realities right now, just as I
am."
These are from our anchor realities. You may carry sub -- stance from your own reality
with you, or from my reality, and I may carry from either reality, but not from the inter --
vening realities.
"Are you sure? These realities seem pretty solid to me."
It is easy to demonstrate. Pick up an object.
Colene stooped to pick up a pretty stone. She had always liked stones, and not just the
pretty ones; she knew that each stone was a fragment of something that had once been much larger,
and had formed by dint of terrific pressures or an unimaginably long time or both. How was it
described in class? Metamorphic, which meant being squished; sedimen -- tary, which meant settling
in the bottom of the sea; and ig -- neous, which meant being squeezed out like toothpaste around a
volcano. But that was really one of the other two kinds, because it had to have started somewhere
else before getting cooked under the mountain. So each one had its his -- tory, and every stone
was interesting in its own way. She wished she could collect them all. This particular one looked
like mica, which was about as appropriate as it could be.
Carry it across realities.
VIRTUAL MODE 141
They stepped forward. The scenery barely changed, but the stone vanished.
Startled, Colene looked back. There was the stone on the ground, where she had picked it
up. But she knew that what she saw was not the stone she had picked up; it was the one of this
reality. She could not see across realities, as she had discovered with the bear that appeared
before her. If she stepped back, she would then see the rock she had picked up.
So she stepped back. The rock was on the ground, but not where it had been. It was in the
path where she had dropped it. Except that she hadn 't dropped it.
"So I crossed, but it didn't," she said, turning back to face Seqiro.
That is correct. We are on the Virtual Mode, and we can transport only substance from our
own realities, because the Mode is tied into them. Other realities have only partial effect on us,
and we on them.
Colene stared. She was receiving his thoughts, but he was not there! The countryside was
empty.
Then she caught on. She stepped toward him, and as she crossed into the next reality he
reappeared.
She went to him and hugged him again. "Point made, Seqiro," she said. "I guess I just
hadn't thought it through. I hadn't tried to pick up anything, or eat anything -- brother! I guess
food would vanish the same way, wouldn't it!"
Yes, it should. My understanding is that it may be possible to retain the substance of
intervening realities if it is digested, but that there is danger in doing that.
"Let's not risk it! Oh, I'm glad I met you! I would have been in trouble pretty soon, just
from ignorance."
It is not shame to be ignorant, when you lack a source of information.
They resumed their walk, angling toward the route she had been following before she
detoured to meet the horse. "How is it that you know all this, when you haven't done this be --
fore?"
/ learned it from reading the minds of other Virtual Mode travelers.
"But other horses don't seem to read minds across reali -- ties. How can you?"
142 PIERS ANTHONY
It is quite limited. I could read your mind because we share this particular Virtual Mode.
I can read the minds of other creatures only when we intersect their particular realities. The
other horses of my reality can not perceive the Virtual Mode, because only I am its anchor in my
reality.
"Just as only I am the anchor in my reality," she said. "And Darius is the anchor in his
reality. Only it's the place too, isn't it? Because otherwise when we left our realities, the
anchors would fade away."
Correct. The anchor place becomes inoperative when the anchor person departs; only when
the two are together can the connection be invoked or abolished.
"Abolished? You mean it won't last?"
/(will remain until you return and renounce it, just as you accepted it at the start. Or
until the Chip that is the source of the full Virtual Mode is changed.
"That would be at Darius' end." She considered as they entered a forest and climbed a
slope. When the way became difficult, she explored ahead a little to find a better passage for
Seqiro's bulk, because he weighed about a ton, literally, and could not squeeze through places she
could, especially with his load making his body wider. "You read the minds of folk on other
Virtual Modes before this one, though you were not part of those Modes?''
This seems to be my special ability. I have always sought to explore the unknown, and when
I became aware of a trace mental current I could not identify, I sought it avidly. Perhaps others
of my kind could do the same, but they have had no interest. In time I was able to fathom enough
of the occa -- sional Virtual Modes to understand their nature. I teamed that I could join one, if
I wished, if I exerted my will at the time it was being formed. I decided that I would do so, when
the time was right -- and this was that time.
"I'm glad you did," she said sincerely.
I'm glad it was you who was on it.
She turned and hugged him again. "I hope you don't mind all this physical contact, Seqiro.
I -- I guess I have this need, and you're so wonderful -- "
/ have not before been loved by a human girl. I feel your emotion, and I revel in it.
VIRTUAL MODE 145
"I revel too," she said. "I never knew I'd meet you, and I never want to lose you."
/ see no immediate need for us to separate. We shall find Darius, and then I will remain
with you if you desire. There is no conflict between me and your human contacts.
"No conflict," she agreed. "But suppose it is dull for you in Darius' reality? You want to
learn new things, and magic might not be to your taste."
When I told Darius how I was suicidal, he -- " The pain of that misunderstanding and separation
cut her off. At least Darius had changed his mind, and set up the Virtual Mode so they could be
together again. She knew there were still problems, because he had to marry a woman with a whole
lot of joy, but if she could just be with him, things would work out somehow.
She turned her mind back to the times of special pain. There were several, and she didn't
know what related most directly to what, or how they tied in with how she felt later. Maybe they
really didn't mean much; maybe she had reacted the wrong way, or maybe they shouldn't have
bothered her. Would they have bothered her, if her folks' marriage hadn't become a shell, forcing
her to seek elsewhere for emotional support -- which she hadn't found? Maybe the whole business
was too dull to review, and she should have forgotten it long ago. Maybe worse had happened to
others and they had shrugged it off, and Colene was peculiar to have failed to have done that.
"I don't know. Maybe this is a bad idea. I would feel foolish just speaking some of this
stuff, and -- "
Then feel it. 1 am attuning to you and learning to read your nuances. I can read your
memories, if you allow me.
He could do that? He could reach deep into her and see her most secret things, if she did
not resist? That was scary! Yet she remembered lying with Darius, telling him he could maybe touch
her breasts but not her genital region, and he had done neither. Then later she had offered it all
to him, and he had not taken it. She had respected him for that, yet also been annoyed. It might
have been better if he had been unable to control himself. That would have given the control to
her, odd as that seemed considering that he would be hav -- ing his will of her. He had not, and
so she had not had her will of him, which wasn't quite the same.
Spreading her legs for Darius. Spreading her mind for Se -- qiro. What was the difference?
One was a secret of the body, the other a secret of the mind. Of the two, the mind was
146 PIERS ANTHONY
more private. Yet it was something she wanted to do, wanton as it might reveal her to be.
She wanted to tell someone, just as she had wanted to show her body to someone. To lay the guilt
bare, just because it was there.
"Okay."
She laid open her mind. It traveled back two years.
SHE was twelve years old, and visiting Catholic rela -- tives in Panama, in the Canal
Zone. One parent was Catholic, so maybe that made her one too, but she wasn't sure whether it did
or whether she wanted it to. She went to mass on Sun -- day, undecided and really not caring a
whole lot. She just loved visiting here, where everything was so much nicer than back at home. If
church was part of it, well, it was worth it.
And it did make her feel very close to God. God loved the sparrow as He loved His Son.
Surely He loved this whole region, and that was why it was so nice. The American en -- clave was
beautiful, very like paradise, with lovely gardens and ultimate contemporary luxury. After a
distance it faded to the natural landscape, which was not manicured but which remained interesting
in its tropicality. Every palm tree was a novelty, to one raised in Oklahoma.
She walked to the nearby native village, curious how the Panamanians lived. Was it the
same as the Americans, or different in some intriguing way? They must be very happy, living in a
place like this.
Nothing in her life had prepared her for what she saw in that village. The houses were
huts with thatched roofs and dirt floors. The people were filthy, their clothing odd. Naked
children of both sexes ran wildly in the streets. Young moth -- ers held soiled babies to their
bare breasts, nursing them in public. There were sores on the children's legs, scabbed over, with
flies clinging to the crust. Insects gathered around their mouths, and no one even bothered to
brush them away. It was horrible.
She rushed back to the enclave, back to the church. "A priest, a priest!" she cried. A
priest came to her; perhaps this was confession.
Tearfully she expressed her feelings of shock and griev -- ance. Suddenly she had seen the
real world, right next to paradise. It wasn't better than what she had known, it was
VIRTUAL MODE 147
worse! It had been hidden from her. Hurt and outraged, she wept bitteriy. She felt
betrayed. She blamed the church, she blamed the priest, she blamed herself, and she blamed God.
Everything was wrong, and she wanted this wrong to be corrected.
The good father was patient. When she wound down, he spoke softly and kindly to her. "My
child, you have seen reality, and it is as uncomfortable for you as it is for all of us. You now
have a decision to make. Whatever you have or will get in the future, you may give equally to each
poor Panamanian. It is possible to give each one a good meal for one day. Then you will be just as
poor as they are. You are allowed to do this, but you are not required to give up your
birthright."
It was her first real lesson in logic, and a giant one. She had thought herself a fast
learner, but now she saw how slowly she was learning about reality. Even then, she did not appre --
ciate how much more she had to leam.
She remained shaken when she returned home to the States. She had not been satisfied with
her life, and was less satisfied now that the crevices in her parents' marriage had opened into
significant faults. Yet she had material things and good health, which was much more than what she
had observed in the villagers. What good would it have been to have a unified family if she had to
run naked and hungry in the streets, the flies eating at her open sores? She had too much, and she
felt guilty for being dissatisfied.
She went again to a priest. He advised her to donate some of her spare time to work at a
charitable institution. She did so, helping out as a junior candy-striper, bringing mail,
newspapers, drinks, and phone messages to the patients. She had a pretty little uniform and the
patients liked her. She was, some said, a breath of fresh air in hell.
For these were not people in for pleasant recuperation fol -- lowing hangnail surgery.
This was the accident ward, and some patients were bandaged all over, in casts, or with am --
putated limbs. Some could not move at all, yet their minds were whole. She read to them from the
newspapers, and they appreciated it. She was doing good; she was giving back to the world some of
what she owed it.
She was moved to the Sunday morning shift. The wee hours: midnight to six A.M.. This
wasn't properly candy --
148 PIERS ANTHONY
striper business, it was more like Gray Lady business, but few cared to take those hours,
and she volunteered. The doc -- tors knew she was underage, but she was a good worker and mature
for her age of just thirteen, so they did not make an issue of it. The nurses needed the help, and
it wasn't as if she was alone. So when patients were restless, the nurses did not force sleeping
pills on them, they had Colene come in and read the paper. As often as not, that did put them to
sleep, and it was always appreciated.
One man was recovering from abdominal surgery. He had fallen on a spike and punctured his
gut; they had had to cut out the affected intestine and sew the ends together. He had lost a lot
of blood, and they didn't have enough of his type. Infection had set in. But he was tiding
through, though too weak as yet to lift his arms. When the nurses were busy at the far end of the
ward, he spoke to Colene: "Not that dull stuff. There's a novel under my mattress. Read me that."
She felt under the mattress and found it. A visitor must have left it for him, or read it
to him during the day. There was a marker in it. She opened it at the marker and started
reading.
It was an erotic novel. Colene was fascinated. She had
never read anything like this, and knew she wasn't supposed to. The four-letter words were
there, and not as expletives. The man didn't know how young she was, probably. She did not let on.
Instead she read the text as it was, about steamy hot women who approached virile men with
indecent offers, and amply fulfilled those offers. Colene learned more about raw sex in one hour
(with pauses; she had the wit to switch to the newspaper when a nurse came within hearing range)
than in all her prior life. She learned exactly what men did with women behind closed doors
squeeze by squeeze and inch by inch. She was doing the man a favor, but he had done her a much
greater one, inadvertently: he had completed her education in a forbidden subject. She was
grateful.
A week later, wee Sunday morning, she read to him again. The marker was well forward of
the place she had left it, but that didn't matter; plot was the least of this story. This time she
read about man, woman, and animal, and it was a further education. It was as if God were rewarding
her for her good work by sneaking in this secret information she so valued.
VIRTUAL MODE 149
The third week the man was gone; he had recovered enough to be moved to another ward,
along with his book. A new patient was in the bed: a perfect young man with a bandaged head. He
had shot himself, trying to commit suicide. This, too, fascinated her. She offered to read for
him, but the nurse told her not to bother. "He's in a coma. He'll die soon. He's a vegetable. We
are waiting for him to die."
"But he's so handsome!" Colene protested, as if that counted for anything in this ward.
The nurse laughed. She was old, with decades of grim experience; she had seen death
hundreds of times, and was calloused. She lifted one of the man's legs and let it drop with a thud
onto the bed. "Look, he is as good as dead. He can't feel, see, or hear. Don't waste your time."
smiled as he died. Death had been a relief. The way those people had been suffering, death would
have been a relief for all of them. What right did she, an undistinguished girl, have to be
healthy and happy?
But she told no one of her experiences, and indeed she wasn't sure what significance they
had. Was death the proper destiny of man? If not, what was? Until she knew the answer, she hid her
feelings and acted normal.
She started dating. Her mother thought she was too young, at mid-thirteen, but her mother
didn't want to quarrel about it. A quarrel could lead to a discussion of her mother's drink -- ing
habits. Secrets -- Colene was learning how to borrow against their power, how to finesse them, to
get her way. So she went to the movies with a boy she hardly cared for, and let him kiss her,
while in her mind ran the scenes from the dirty novel of twining bare bodies. What would it be
like, actually?
An older boy asked her out. He had a car, but he didn't drive her to the movie. He said it
would be more fun at the party his friends were having. There would be great enter -- tainment.
Colene didn't care about the movie either, so she didn't object.
There were three other boys there at an apartment, and no other girls. They were drinking.
They gave her a drink, and she tried it, curious. This, too, was a new experience. Soon she was
pleasantly dizzy. She had another drink, and another, reveling in the feeling.
Then she was in the bedroom with her date, and he had his trousers off. Suddenly the
descriptions in the dirty novel
152 PIERS ANTHONY
registered, and she knew what he was after. She started to protest, but he pushed her down
on the bed and got her dress up and her panties on" and rammed into her with a whole lot less art
than the novel had described. By the time she realized that it was rape, it was done, and he was
getting off.
Rape? Even tipsy as she was, she realized that no one would believe her. So she played it
cool, and pretended she had liked it. That way maybe she would get home safely.
But the other boys came in, and she had either to continue the pretense or make a scene,
and if she made the scene she feared she would not only get raped, she would get beaten up and
maybe killed. That wasn't the way she wanted to die! So she smiled and said it was all right, and
one by one they pressed her down and jammed in, and it was so slick and messy now that it didn't
hurt the way the first time had.
She did make it home safely, and her mother was so drunk she couldn't smell the liquor on
Colene or see her condition. Colene went to the bathroom and washed and washed, but she couldn't
get the awful feel of those men out of her. The novel had been wrong; it was no fun for the woman.
She never told, and neither did the boys. Not where it counted. They knew the trouble they
would be in if news got to the authorities, considering her age. So the secret was kept, to a
degree. But Colene stopped dating. Her reputation in certain circles was shot. Her mother,
ignorant and relieved, did not question that decision.
Time showed that she was neither pregnant nor infected with VD. She had gotten away with
it, such as it was. But she was saddled with a deep, abiding disgust. The worst of it was that she
couldn't really condemn the men; they were what they were, opportunists. It was herself she
condemned, for being such a fool. She had indeed asked for it, by her nai'vete. How could she have
read all about it in the dirty novel, and not caught on that to such men a girl was nothing more
than a walking vagina waiting to be unwrapped and plunged? Fool! Fool!
Why was life such a grubby mess? She hated every aspect of this, but still didn't know
what to do about it. There seemed to be no justice, only opportunity and coping. Opportunity for
the men and coping for the women.
VIRTUAL MODE 153
After that her double life had come upon her. She was bright and cheery in public,
suicidal in private.
Did you share your feeling with anyone ?
She had forgotten that Seqiro was tuning in. Well, not really; she had gone through it all
for his benefit, buoyed somewhat in the fashion of her nude display before criminals at the time
of the bleeding contest. In that she had in a de -- vious manner made up for her disastrous date:
instead of getting raped by four men and having to pretend to like it, she had tempted them and
beaten them in sheer nerve, and they had had to pretend to like it. They weren't the same men and
it wasn't the same situation either, but it also aligned:
instead of baring her fascinating body (it had to be fascinat -- ing, or there was no
point) she was baring her fascinating mind, and there was a dubious glory in it, a thrill of
release, almost of expiation.
No, this was not parallel to the physical business, she re -- alized as she reviewed it.
It was parallel to mental business. She had shared her feeling with a friend, once before. And
that had been another bad mistake.
It was this past summer, at camp. Naturally her folks got her out of the house when they
could, not because they dis -- liked her but because they were more concerned with their own
problems than with hers. Camp wasn't bad, actually. There was swimming and hiking and dancing and
woodwork and nature. She liked all the events, yet her depression re -- mained. It was as if she
were a mere shell going through the motions. What was real was the blood on her wrist.
But her roommate Mitzi spied the scars. Things could be hidden from parents, teachers,
friends, psychologists, and the man on the street, but roommates were deadly. Rather than try to
bluff through, which was a bad risk, she was frank, telling how she secretly wanted to die but
didn't quite have the courage to do it. So she flirted with it, and the flowing blood relieved
something in her, a little, and one day she would get up the nerve to go all the way and truly be
dead.
Mitzi expressed sympathy and promised to keep her secret. She watched out for Colene after
that, as if afra'id she would keep her head under water too long or eat poison instead of dessert
or throw herself off the precipice instead of admiring the view from it. It was fun for a while,
having this constant
154 PIERS ANTHONY
attention. But soon it became annoying, and then oppressive. For one thing, the roommate
was alert at night too, and the toilet wasn't sufficiently private. Colenejust couldn't cut her --
self, and was getting restive.
She tried to distance herself a bit, to go on events without the roommate, so she could
get the necessary privacy to do what she hated to do. Otherwise she was afraid she really would
hurl herself over a cliff, having been unable to alleviate her need in a lesser and more
controlled manner. The prob -- lem with the cliff was that she knew she would be unable to change
her mind in midair, and that the job might not be complete; she might survive, broken and ashamed.
But mainly it would be messy. Instead of lying pale and beautiful in her coffin, she would be
bruised and battered, with her nose bro -- ken and teeth staved in. That was no way to die.
It came to arguments, not about anything in particular, but about what wasn't said:
Colene's need to do her own thing, even if that was self-destructive. First they were private,
then they spilled over into public. Finally, in the last week of camp, the roommate blew up: "I'm
sorry I ever tried to stop you from killing yourself!" she cried.
There was an abrupt silence in the mess hall. Then, stu -- diously, the other kids resumed
eating and talking, not look -- ing at Colene. Colene got up and dumped the rest of her meal in
the trash and left. She went to her room and bared her arm, but couldn't do it; she was too
humiliated and angry to focus even on this.
That night the roommate came, but they did not speak to each other. Camp life went on as
usual. But something had changed. Colene realized that people were speaking to her, about nothing
in particular and everything in the ellipses -- and they weren't speaking to Mitzi.
A girl approached her, seemingly by coincidence. The girl was younger and seemed perky.
But she showed Colene her arm, and it was scarred where the sleeve normally covered # it. "I
thought I was the only one," she murmured, and moved on.
A boy approached at another time. He was handsome, and Colene liked his look, but had had
no personal interaction with him. "I, ah, she shouldn't have done that," he said. "I didn't know.
I didn't ask you before, but now, ah, maybe
VIRTUAL MODE 155
there isn't much time. The last-night dance, will you, ah -- ?"
"Because you're sorry for me?" Colene asked witheringly.
"Ah, yeah, I guess. I guess I'd be mad too, if -- "
"Okay."
"What?"
"I will go to the dance with you."
He seemed stunned. "Ah, okay, then."
They did go. He gave her a small corsage of wildflowers he had made himself. He held her
very close as they danced, and suddenly she realized something. She halted on the floor. "Was that
the truth?"
He knew what she meant. "Ah, no. I lied. I just didn't have the nerve to tell you I liked
you. Are you mad?"
"Furious," she said, and pulled his head down and kissed him firmly on the mouth.
There was applause from the other couples and those along the sidelines. A counselor
forged her way to them. "Go to your rooms," she said severely. "You know that's not per --
mitted."
"See, I got you in trouble already," Colene told him as they separated.
"Yeah. Thanks," he replied, looking stunned again.
Mitzi was there in the room. Colene looked at her, sur -- prised.
"No one asked me," the girl said. "No one would dance with me." She was near tears.
She was not suicidal, but she was suffering worse than Colene was now. "Maybe I can fix
that," Colene said.
"No! I don't deserve anything from you. I'm sorry I -- I said what I did. I knew it was
wrong the moment I -- Colene, I'm sorry!" She buried her face in her handkerchief.
"I know. But I guess you did me a favor."
The head counselor arrived. "Colene, whatever possessed you to let him kiss you like
that?" she demanded. "You know I shall have to report both of you to your families as well as
apply demerits for discipline."
"You kissed him?" the roommate asked, astonished.
The counselor glanced at her, startled. "Why aren't you at the dance?"
Colene spoke before Mitzi could answer. "We had a quar --
156 PIERS ANTHONY
rel. I got back at her. I got her date to take me instead, at the last minute, so she was
frozen out. He didn't kiss me; / kissed him. Ask anyone; they all saw it, except the chaperon, who
only looked when she heard the applause. So I fixed them both good."
The counselor stared at the roommate. "Is this true?"
"Why do you think she's been crying?" Colene de -- manded.
The counselor was at a loss for only a moment. Then she acted in the decisive fashion of
her kind. "Colene, I am ap -- palled at you. I will deal with you later." She turned to Mitzi.
"You come with me. You will attend the dance with your date."
In moments they were gone. Colene lay on her bunk bed, gazing at the ceiling. She was
proud of herself. She knew her date would play along. Not only would it get him out of trouble
with the counselors, it would make him a celebrity for the night. Two girls had fought to date
him!
Next day the buses came and the kids went home. They were from all over the country and
had no contact with each other apart from the camp. The counselors were busy keeping things
moving, and there wasn't much chance for any talking. But every time a camper caught Colene's eye,
he or she smiled and made a little gesture of a finger across the throat. It was a temporary camp
convention, signifying credit for getting punished for doing something daring or decent. It had
special meaning in Colene's case. They all knew, and all were pleased. Naturally no one told the
counselors. Secrets -- secrets were the stuff of life.
That was it. When Colene's mother received the discipline report, she was perplexed. "What
did you do?"
"I kissed a boy in public."
Her father burst out laughing. "About time!"
Colene wondered what he would have said if he had known about the rape. Her world was such
a schizoid place, where a gang rape went unnoticed while an innocent kiss got a girl in trouble.
For all that, the last week of camp, betrayal and all, had been a high point in her life.
Why did she want to die anyway? Now she felt far more positive. It was because of Darius,
she knew: even the hope of him made her want to live, for she had to live to love, and
VIRTUAL MODE 157
she did love. Even the notion of sex, which had pretty much turned her off, now turned her
on. With him it would be beautiful, she knew.
But it was also Seqiro. She had loved horses from afar. Now she loved one from up close.
Very close. Right-inside -- her-mind close. She could tell him her secrets, and he would not
betray them. That made her feel much better about living.
"Seqiro!" she exclaimed. "Are you helping me? I mean, messing with my mind, making me
forget the pain or what -- ever?"
/ could do this, but have not, because I see that it was that pain that caused you to
embark on the Virtual Mode. Without it you might give up your quest.
"You mean you're selfish, Seqiro? You want my com -- pany? ''
That is true. He sent a nonspecific companion thought of agreement that was so complete it
had to be believed.
She was thrilled in much the way she had been when she learned that the boy at camp had
really wanted to dance with her. It meant he was not just putting up with her. "Don't worry. I
want to get together with Darius, and I want to stay with you. I'm glad you didn't mess with my
mind. That means I really am feeling better. Just going through those memories with you makes me
feel better."
What is your desire of life ?
Colene thought for a moment, and then it poured out of her. "I like to consider myself
apart from the whole Earth. There is no dignity left. I would like to be able to float away with
my books and music and my guitar. It just seems to me that there are few people left with any
integrity, and two of them happen to be my favorite writer and my favorite musi -- cian. I do too
much thinking for my own good. I compose poetry in my head, but it won't come out right on paper.
It's depressing. I dream too much also. I have so many ambi -- tions, and I am crushed when I
realize how very few will ever be achieved. I want to be an author, a musician, a vet --
erinarian, a researcher working with dolphins and other ma -- rine life, a friend of those I
admire. I want to be someone who would die for her cause. I want to be creative. I want to be a
starving artist. I want always to be traveling, never in one place for long. I want to be
defending everyone's rights,
158 PIERS ANTHONY
especially animals and women. I want to be free, inspiring, compassionate. I want to be
everything. I want to live under a night sky with someone I love intensely, and never have to
move. To sit and gaze at the heavens with someone. I want never to be tied down or held back as I
am now. Above all, I want to be free. I want it to be nighttime forever."
/ share your feeling. But what you have thought is not all. His thought was sympathetic.
She laughed. "No, that's not all! It's not even consistent. I want never to have to stay
in one place and never to have to move. I want total freedom and total irresponsibility and total
dedication. I want everything and nothing, all at the same time. I know it doesn't make any sense,
but this isn't sense, this is desire. So does it make any sense to you, or would it, if you were a
girl?"
/ am a stallion, neither human nor female, and I have similar desires. You express them
better than I could formu -- late them.
She felt another surge of the continuing thrill of being with him, of telling him her
secret heart and being understood. She was talking, but her mind was carrying harmonics that made
her whole feeling come across, so much greater than mere words could ever convey. His mind was
sending back background washes and waves of understanding and support, so she knew he meant it.
Telepathy: it was like being in a hot tub together, their bodies dissolved away and their minds
sharing the essence.
"Do you have religion, Seqiro?"
There was a quick exploration of the concept she lifted to the surface. No.
"Maybe that's better. I don't know whether I have religion either. I feel that it's better
for me to make my own decisions about religion than to have my beliefs dictated to me. I hate
people who go to church just so they can feel better about doing other things that they know are
bad. I think I believe more in nature than in God. I can see nature, and feel and be a part of it.
God is more of a closed case. I like to feel a little different from other people and have a
different view of things. That's part of the reason I'm not too wild about school. Everyone is
expected to be the same. It leaves no room for freedom of thought. If you're not like everyone
else, you
VIRTUAL MODE 159
stand out and are not tolerated. I want to break away from this everybody-must-be-the-same
type of society. Routine is awful. To do the same thing every day, every week, is torture. I hope,
someday, to do something that allows for a lot of freedom and creativity. To live in a small house
with natural wooden floors that creak beneath my feet. My home will be on the coast where it stays
dark for a long time. I will go outside at night and be inspired by the storm clouds over the
ocean. There will be a rocky cliff that I can sit on while I think."
Yes.
Colene opened her eyes. "So you see, I dream wonderful things, but in the back of my mind
I have always known that I will just end up in some stupid job and live like everyone else. I
couldn't even speak of my dreams before, because people would just laugh. They think the dull
world is all there is."
Now you know about the other realities, and are on the Virtual Mode. Your life will after
all be different.
"That's right! Say, Seqiro, if everything else doesn't work out, let's you and me just
keep traveling a la Mode!"
We do not know how far we shall have to travel as it is, or what dangers we shall face.
The day is late; we had better seek sanctuary for the night.
"Yes, that's right. I didn't realize how tired I've gotten, with all this walking." Which
made her realize that it had never occurred to her to ride the horse. Seqiro just wasn't that kind
of horse.
They came into a series of realities in which there were thickly forested mountains.
Colene knew that there was noth -- ing like this within a day's walking distance of Oklahoma,
which meant that in nearby realities the geography changed as well as the creatures and the
underlying rules of nature.
"You were right, Seqiro," she said. "I can't ride my bike here! But if we come to a region
where it's flat or paved, I'll be able to."
/ shall be interested to see how this device operates. I have seen nothing like it before.
They found a clear stream. "That sure looks nice!" she exclaimed. "I'd like to have a deep
drink and wash up, but if the water won't stay with me -- "
160 PIERS ANTHONY
There is no problem about washing, for you do not need to have the water stay. As for
drinking -- perhaps it should be done, as we can remain the night in this reality and assimilate
the water. We are sweating, so may excrete some of the alien water in the normal course, without
being bound to its real -- ity.
Colene, suddenly desperately thirsty, focused on one thing. "You mean it's all right to
use this water?"
Provided we remain here for some time.
"That's good enough for me!" She threw herself down and drank deeply. All that water on
top of all that exertion made her feel giddy, but it was worth it.
Seqiro drank more cautiously. Then they both washed. Colene got out of her loincloth and
cape and splashed naked, screaming with pained pleasure at the shock of the cold water. Then she
took a sponge they had packed and sponged off the horse's hide where the bags of supplies weren't
in the way. Seqiro did not let her remove his burdens; wary of pos -- sible danger, he preferred
to keep everything on him, so as to be able to step quickly into another reality without leaving
important things behind. Colene had to admit that made sense. She was able to clean him pretty
well by pushing away one bag at a time and sponging under it. His hide was steam -- ing hot, but
the chill water helped cool him.
It is a delight to have this attention from you without co -- ercion.
"You don't get washed off at home?"
Our humans act only under our imperative. We direct them in all things, and punish them
when they do not perform.
"Where I live, girls do these things for horses because they love horses."
/(would seem that the activities are similar, but the motives dissimilar.
"It would seem," she agreed.
Colene bent twigs and scuffed the forest floor to mark the borders of the other realities
on either side, so they would not cross unawares. They had a channel ten feet wide and endlessly
long to remain in. It was hard to believe, because the forest and stream were uninterrupted, but
she had now had enough experience to treat the boundary with extreme respect.
VIRTUAL MODE 161
I have quested through this vicinity of this reality, and found no hostile or dangerous
creatures, Seqiro thought. There may be danger in the adjacent realities, but we need not be con --
cerned about those until we resume our travel.
"That's nice," Colene said, relieved. "Are you going to lie down to sleep?"
That is not necessary. I can rest and sleep on my feet.
"The reason I asked is if you lie down, I can lie down with you, and be warm."
That is true. As it is safe, I shall lie.
So it was that they lay down in their narrow channel beside the stream. Colene took a
heavy blanket from Seqiro's sup -- plies and spread it over him, then settled down against his
side, between two bags of feed. It was really quite comfort -- able, all things considered. She
slept, feeling about as happy as she could remember since before losing Darius.
r
CHAPTER 8
PROVOS
TT^ARIUS resumed his quest alone, having delivered -- Prima to his anchor Mode. His
feelings were mixed. He was not glad for the delay occasioned by this en -- counter, yet it had
enabled him to satisfy about three quarters of his commitment to Kublai: he had found Prima, and
she had a lot of information about the nature of the Modes that Kublai would find most
interesting. He was now about two days behind wherever he would have been, but it was possible
that he would have been captive or dead by now if it had not been for her. Probably he was ahead,
overall. For one thing, he was now the first in a long time to enter a Virtual Mode
and return.
Prima had fashioned for him the mirror tube she had prom -- ised. It did seem to work. He
experimented by setting a pack -- age of food on the ground, stepping across the boundary, looking
back to see nothing, then poking the tube cautiously across. He saw the package in the mirror,
when it wasn't visible directly. So it seemed that the way the tube excluded the light of the Mode
in which he stood did enable it to carry the light of the Mode beyond. Or perhaps it was just that
the device was fashioned of the substance of his anchor Mode, so was able to transmit the light
along the Virtual Mode.
But it was not feasible to stop to check every Mode bound -- ary as he went. He would take
ten times as long to get any --
VIRTUAL MODE 165
where if he did that. So he would have to use it judiciously, when there seemed to be
danger. Such as in the region of the dominant dragons.
He moved much faster this time, using magic to take him -- self as far along the route as
it would. Magic seemed to have no difficulty taking him across Modes, in the region of the Virtual
Mode where magic was operative. Beyond that he walked rapidly, with the confidence of his prior
experience in two directions.
Soon he reached the lake. He had learned a lot here, from Prima. Now he became more
cautious. He needed to get safely past the region of the dragons. But he didn't depend on the tube
alone. He had another sword, and also a heavy pair of shears which could cut through cord. For
this he had more confidence in the shears than the sword, because they would be faster. He also
had a fair coil of cord of his own, strong enough to sustain several times his weight without
breaking. Experience counted.
He came to the geographic region of the dragons, which on the Virtual Mode was the same as
the Mode of the drag -- ons. This time he intended to keep the two separate! He paused to use his
mirror tube before crossing each boundary. He could even see his footprints in the soft dirt, in
places. To a creature watching, he would seem to appear, walk three paces, and disappear, leaving
the prints.
Now he was almost at the place where he had been netted;
he recognized the tree ahead from which the net had been suspended. There was no net
visible, of course, because it didn't exist in this Mode. But the dragons, or their monkey
servitors, had surely restored the damaged one, ready to trap the next unwary Mode traveler.
He moved to the side, then slowly poked his forward mir -- ror across. He turned it, so
that the image in the near mirror swept across the region.
There was the net,- cunningly set so that a creature who plowed into it would cause it to
close and rise, completing the trap. There was no dragon in sight, but he knew how quickly one
could come when a trap was sprung.
He pondered a moment. Suppose he threw something across into the net, then crossed behind
the dragon when it approached the net? No, he could not move anything from
He looked beyond. The nettles extended as far as he could see. The mystery of the net's
placement was becoming less.
There really was no other way through.
He could step cautiously, and cut the anchor line, disabling the trap, and go on quickly.
But adjacent Modes tended to be similar. There could be another net in the following Mode, or a
pit, or something worse. He did not like this region at
all.
He decided to avoid the whole thing. He retreated through
the Modes until he found a way through the nettles, then proceeded down the slope toward
what had been the dragon's camp in its own Mode. He came to the field, then turned and proceeded
across Modes again. There had been no trap in this vicinity, so it was probably a safe crossing.
Still, he slowed and tested each Mode as he came to that vicinity.
When he passed the one showing the cages in the valley, he was relieved. There were
several Modes with cages; then they faded and the countryside resumed.
He considered whether to find a way back to his original path, which proceeded most
directly through Modes toward wherever he was going. But there could be other traps along it, so
he continued through the field, and then through the forest, until the slope changed and the hill
became a plain. Only then did he return to his direct path, slowly.
Time had passed, and nightfall was approaching. He had
VIRTUAL MODE 165
come a long way, and his legs were tired, but he was sur -- prised at how fast the day had
passed. He had not even paused for lunch, and was only now getting hungry. Was it possible that
the length of the day changed along with other things, in other Modes? Yes, that did seem
possible. Too bad he did not have a time piece of the type Colene had. It was a little device she
wore on her left wrist, which helped to cover the scars there. Tiny pointers moved in it,
indicating the hour of the day. Superfluous in Darius' Mode, of course, where things happened when
they happened. But now that time might be changing, such a device might have enabled him to verify
just how much difference there was.
Colene. She kept returning to his thoughts. On one level he recognized this quest as
foolish, because he had already found the answer. He could go home and marry Prima and have an
excellent career as Cyng of Hiahtar. She was older than he, but that was irrelevant; Hiahtar's
wife was neither for love nor offspring, but for a ready source of joy to spread. Prima was the
best possible source. But he was intent on Colene, who offered him none of that. All she offered
him was private love.
Well, that was what he wanted. He would fetch Colene, then see about Prima. It might be
foolish, but it was what he wanted. At least he knew that Kublai had a good situation during his
absence.
He came to a lake at dusk, or perhaps the shore of a sea. There was no such body of water
within walking distance in his Mode, but he had long since recognized that though ge -- ography
changed gradually, it also changed significantly, and it resembled that of his home only in the
immediate vicinity of his anchor. Were he to become trapped in the Mode in which he stood at this
moment, and walk back through it the way he had come until he reached the spot where his anchor
was supposed to be, he would probably find a completely different geography. The Modes changed
vertically as well as horizontally, as if each sliver of mica had a different pattern that matched
that of its neighbor slivers only when they were close. It was possible that when he had made the
first foray into Colene's Mode, it had been to the same geographic spot in her Mode as the one he
had left in his.
He searched out a tree whose larger branches spread from
have been Colene, but now he realized that Prima herself had been good company. She had been
intelligent and practical and not finicky about niceties, an easy person to travel with despite
the awkwardness of their arms being constantly bound together. She was not at all the kind of
woman he had been looking for, consciously, but very much the kind he actually needed. Colene, in
contrast, was young and pretty and devoted, matching his desire, but quite unsuitable for marriage
to the Cyng of Hiahtar. So said his logic. So much for logic. He wanted Colene.
As he was nodding off, something occurred to him that woke him up again. If Colene was at
the same spot on the globe as he, one Mode directly over the other, so that his first foray with
the Chip had plunged him straight up or down -- how could he reach her by traveling on the slant?
He was walking horizontally, stepping down into each new infi -- nitely thin Mode in the course of
three paces. It wasn't a physically vertical thing, or the slopes of hills would have put him into
new Modes at a great rate. But he was definitely moving across the terrain. By the time he reached
Colene's Mode, he should be far from the spot on the globe he had started at, and therefore far
from her. How would he be able
to find her?
No, he had to be near her when he reached her Mode,
because she had an anchor there. So that should be no prob -- lem. But how was it possible
to travel horizontally and arrive
vertically?
Then he remembered another part of the explanation the
Cyng of Pwer had given, whose significance had bypassed
VIRTUAL MODE 167
him at the time. The Virtual Mode was like a plane cutting through the Modes at an angle,
but it was not infinite. It was really a plane segment bounded by the five anchors. Like a
pentagon, or roughly circular in outline. He could be walking around the edge of it. When he got
halfway around, there would be Colene.
The image helped reassure him, but it did not do the whole job. This Virtual Mode was
really not a simple thing, and some of its incidental aspects, such as the business of drink --
ing the water of foreign Modes along the way, were tricky. His image might be all wrong.
At any rate, he slept.
IN the morning Darius resumed his travel. He traveled around the lake. At one point he
encountered a family of otterlike animals who spooked at his appearance and swam rapidly away. At
another he came across a small dragon or large lizard, similarly shy. But he became wary, because
where there were small dragons there could also be large ones.
Beyond the lake was a settled region. At first it was just a planted field, but as he
passed by it, successive Modes brought it to more intense cultivation and a road appeared. This
looked human, but his wariness increased. Human beings would not necessarily be friendly. In fact,
he felt far more at ease among the animals of the wilderness, for very few of them repre -- sented
any danger to him, and those few could be fairly readily avoided. But human beings were
potentially worse than the dragons. Certainly he would not walk into the center of a village and
announce himself!
He walked clear of the fields and found a forested section. The trees were unlike those he
knew, being yellow of trunk and blue of leaf, but a tree of any color remained reassuring and
protective. This was no jungle, and there was little un -- dergrowth, but it did provide some
privacy for his passage.
Then he spied a woman. She was standing in the center of a glade as if expecting him. She
wore a small hat with two very long projections like the antennae of insects, a gray woolen
sweater, an ankle-length brown knit dress, and high black boots laced up the front. She had what
was evidently a
168 PIERS ANTHONY traveling bag beside her. She was old, perhaps sixty. What
was on her mind?
He approached her cautiously, following the sideways
channel of this Mode. He could have stepped into the next Mode and avoided the contact,
but she had seen him and he preferred to be polite as long as it was safe to be so. "A greeting,"
he said, speaking in his own language.
She said something indecipherable. Her language was not only different, it was weirdly
different; he could not tell whether she had uttered a greeting, a curse, or gibberish. She picked
up her bag. It had straps, and he realized that it was actually a kind of backpack, which she now
Darius stared. There were footprints where there had been none before; something had come
here in the night. Huge claws had dug into the ground, as if a giant bird had landed here. The
bark of the tree they would have slept in was torn
away in patches.
"Something came here and smelted our traces," he said, awed. "It scratched the ground
where we stood, and scratched at the tree where I had started to set up for the night. By the
marks, it was huge and predatory: a dragon or carnivorous bird. I think we would have been dead."
But Proves seemed unconcerned, hardly noticing the marks. She was just interested in going
on.
He refused to settle for that. "What is it with you?" he demanded. "Twice you may have
saved my life, yet you act as if it is nothing." He pointed to the marks, making her look. "How
did you know?"
"Yes, future," she said. "No, past."
"You said that before, but I don't know what it means!"
She tried to explain. "I yes future. You yes past. I no past.
You no future."
He tried to make sense of this, in the context of what he had seen. She was yes future and
no past. He was no future and yes past. He had no future and she did? He couldn't accept that! And
that couldn't be it, because the corollary would be that she had no past while he did. The only
thing that made remote sense was that he could not foresee the
future, while she --
She could see the future? She had precognition? That did seem to be the case! And the
barrier of language prevented her from telling him exactly what it was that she saw, so she was
able to warn him only by crude gestures. But that could not be the whole of it. What did she mean
about no past?
She could not see the past?
He walked on with her, his mind laboring. How was it possible for her not to know the
past? She would have no memory! She would be completely unconcerned with yester -- day.
Which was exactly the attitude she showed. Concern for the future, none^for the past. It
seemed unbelievable, but she
VIRTUAL MODE 173
was from an alien Mode, and its ordinariness in the physical aspect might mask a truly
amazing difference in the mental aspect.
He reviewed specifics as they went. She had balked at one place, and there had been a
deadly trap there. She had surely not been there before; she was as new to the Virtual Mode as he,
and had been waiting for someone to come along it, so she would not have to go alone. She had
probably been waiting for days, and acted the moment she saw him. Why had she not been afraid of
the stranger? Because she had foreseen his arrival! She might not be concerned about what was
past, but she knew she would be traveling with him, so she had made sure to be there at the right
time.
Yet she had not seemed to foresee the poisoned stakes, exactly. She had just been very
nervous. It was the same with the monster of the night. She had not been concerned about that
immediately; only after camping preparations were well along had she insisted on leaving the area.
It didn't seem to be straight anticipation of future events.
She had likened her situation to his. "I yes future, you yes past." He did not foresee the
past, he remembered it, and the farther in the past it was, the foggier his memory tended to
become, unless it was something important. Could she remember the future? "I no past, you no
future." She could not remember the past, though she might have a notion of it by judging from the
present. If she was here with him, and remembered what they would be doing in the future, she
could safely assume that they had met in the past and had some kind of understanding. Just as he
could assume that he would be traveling with her for a while.
But that monster of the night -- that was not a threat to be forgotten quickly! Why had it
taken her a while to catch onto it?
Because it happened in a foreign Mode! He could not re -- member the past of Modes he had
not been in; she could not remember the future of Modes she would not be in. But if he stayed in a
Mode for a while, and got some experience in it, he could remember that much of it. She must have
become acclimatized to it, gradually, and then realized that something terrible was about to
happen there. So she had warned him.
made little difference; he continued sliding down. Proves was beside him, doing her best to
maintain a decorous attitude despite being out of control. They were rapidly descending
into a huge pit.
Another drop, and another rescue by a steep slope. Then they landed in a pile of pink
sand. They climbed out of it and surveyed their situation.
This was evidently an artificial excavation of enormous scope. On three sides it rose so
steeply that climbing it was out of the question; they had been fortunate that it had even slowed
their fall. The fourth side was flat: a terrace, narrow -- ing into a level road leading out
between the towering pink
sides.
So why hadn't Proves warned him of this? Because they had stepped into it in a new Mode.
Because it was artificial, there was no natural warning, nothing they could see ahead. This ground
had once been whole, and now it was hollow, and they had stepped from the ground of one Mode into
the emp -- tiness of the next. He had known that she could not anticipate such a thing, yet had
somehow depended on it, thinking their periodic descriptions of past and future events would
suffice. Only when they remained for a time in a single Mode would that system work well.
Who had dug this monstrous hole? Probably some civili -- zation similar to the one Colene
shared. She had told him how they mined deep in the ground, sometimes leaving just such pits as
this. So maybe he was getting close to her Mode. That was encouraging.
But not identical, because this was not her village with its paved streets and angular
houses. So it was best to get on by this pit before those who dug it arrived. Trying to go back
was hopeless; they couldn't even stand on that slope, and could never climb to the top.
Proves evidently agreed. They dusted themselves off and started walking across the level
base.
Suddenly there was a giant thing bearing down on them.
VIRTUAL MODE 177
It resembled one of the traveling machines Colene had de -- scribed, but was much larger
and fiercer.
Both of them stepped hastily back across the boundary. The machine vanished. At least it
was easy to avoid, with the Modes.
Darius got out his mirror tube and poked it across the boundary. The machine had passed
beyond them, and was now stopping beside another machine, one with a giant set of jaws on the end
of a long neck.
They stepped across again. Now he saw that the jawed machine was gouging great mouthfuls
of orange sand from the base of the pit, and spitting them into the back of the traveling machine.
So that was how the pit was made. The machines must have been working at it for a long time, evi --
dently wanting the pretty sand.
They crossed another boundary. The sand brightened a trace, now possessing more of a
yellow component. The pit seemed larger, and there were several dark blue machines eating at the
edge of it. All the machines of this section of the Virtual Mode were hungry for this sand!
It seemed that all they needed to do was keep walking across the pit until they reached
the far side. Then -- Then what? The far side looked as forbidding as the near side. They would
not be able to climb out of it either.
They would have to walk down the road, which surely led out. It was not going in the
direction Darius wanted, but once they were free of the pit they could recover their course.
Darius turned to follow the road, and Proves went with him. Now they were remaining longer
in one Mode, because the road slanted slowly across it.
A green machine came charging out of the pit. They stepped hastily into the next Mode, and
the vehicle vanished. But there was a gray machine coming from the opposite di -- rection. If they
ducked back, they could get run over by the first. So they ran on across and jumped into the next
Mode before the gray machine reached them.
Here there were yellow machines. These were smaller, though still formidable, and looked
like huge insects with antennae. The antennae rotated, seeming to orient on the two living folk.
Then two machines started toward them.
They ran on across, to the edge of the road where the next
down.
Sure enough, in a moment she reappeared. First her bent knees and feet showed, then the
rest of her. She swung past him, and he put out his hand and shoved her farther in the direction
she was going. She went farther toward the wall Mode, but did not disappear.
184 PIERS ANTHONY
In a moment she was passing him again, the other way. He gave her knees a shove, but it
wasn't straight, and it started
her turning. That couldn't be helped.
He looked down. The machines had stopped advancing. Their platform was still. Their
feelers seemed to be focused on the vanished woman. They didn't know what was happen -- ing. Well,
he would be surprised too, if a machine came through his home region, climbed a tower, dangled
from it, and started swinging in and out of existence.
Provos reappeared. He gave her another good shove. She swung far out -- and half of her
disappeared. Her feet re -- mained in view, evidently snagging on the wall.
Then she was coming back. "I gone!" she exclaimed. She remembered what was about to
happen.
Pleased, he gave her another shove back, and another for -- ward when she reappeared. This
time she lifted her legs and disappeared entirely, and the rope went slack without return -- ing.
She must have put her feet down on the ground, stopping
her swing.
Then the rope swung back to him, the harness empty. He
caught it and worked his way into the harness.
Now the machines resumed activity, evidently catching on that the prey was escaping. The
platform rose again.
Darius shoved off from the tower. He did not swing out far enough. He swiped at the tower,
trying to increase his motion, and set himself spinning.
He swung into emptiness. There a dizzying distance below him was the pit, with the gray
machines waiting. Then he was back passing the tower. He shoved at it again as well as he could,
slowing his spinning but not gaining much on his
swinging.
Then he was back over the gray machines. One was aiming
what seemed to be a metal tube at him. From the tube came a rope which narrowly missed
him. They were trying to catch him in the air and haul him down to them!
He swung back into the yellow-machine Mode. The plat -- form was almost up to the level of
his feet, and a machine with big pincers was reaching up. The pincers appeared to be padded so as
not to do damage; they wanted to catch him, not kill him, as- he had suspected. They were coming
close to
VIRTUAL MODE 185
succeeding, because he simply could not get himself swinging enough.
Swinging. Something clicked. The children's game with swings -- they could pump themselves
up higher without touching anything else.
He started pumping, extending his feet and moving his body. Why hadn't he thought of this
before? He gained mo -- mentum.
A pincer reached up to catch his passing leg. He kicked it away. That started him
spinning, and he was unable to pump. Trouble! He reached out and banged a hand into the tower as
he passed, trying desperately to get straightened out. He suc -- ceeded, but at the expense of
momentum.
He resumed pumping -- and saw the yellow pincers directly in front of him. He could not
avoid them this time!
He held his breath, tucked his feet under him, then swung them out in a two-legged kick.
He smashed into the pincer machine, shoving it back. The platform moved, its support tower
beginning to fall.
As Darius pumped himself up, he saw the gray machines taking aim again, and the platform
falling, in alternate Modes. Then he broke through and caught a glimpse of a new green world, its
surface barely under him. He could not quite stop at it; he needed one more good swing. But those
swings were dangerous!
Then hands caught his feet. Proves had tackled his legs, trying to hold him there. But if
he dragged her back with him --
She managed to hold him long enough so that he could pitch his upper body forward and
brace against the ground. He struggled out of the harness.
Proves caught the harness, quickly undid it, and let go of one rope. She pulled, and the
other rope disappeared. Soon the length of it had been hauled in. They had made it, with their
equipment.
LATER, several more Modes away from the pit and at a suitable camping site, they talked.
Proves no longer remem -- bered the business with the tower and rope, but he told her of it, and
she told him that nothing dangerous was to occur during their stay in this particular Mode.
186 PIERS ANTHONY
"Provos come why?" he asked her. Now he was sure that she was an asset to his journey, and
wanted to know what she was getting from it. Was she along for the duration, or would she be
deserting him when she found what she wanted?
She tried to convey a confusing concept, and it seemed that she had forgotten part of it,
because it was in the past. But his memory of their meeting, and her memory of what he was to tell
her in the future, enabled him finally to put it together. Her memory of future events was hazy or
null, but she did have memories of him, because he was to be a con -- stant part of her next few
days.
Proves suffered from amnesia. She had been able to re -- member her future perfectly, in
as much detail as she desired, right up until a mysterious blank. As it approached, she viewed it
with increasing trepidation, until she realized that it was not necessarily the end. Perhaps it
was better viewed as a great new adventure occurring after some mishap such as a blow to the head.
Since she could not avoid it, she de -- cided to approach it positively. So she had packed her
things, as for a long journey, and told her friends she was going to another region. That way they
were not concerned about the future absence of her presence in their lives.
Now she was in that adventure, and enjoying it. She still suffered amnesia of the future,
but not as badly. She under -- stood the reason: because she had no future experience in most of
the Modes they were crossing.
She had no plans for the future. She would know the future when she remembered it, and she
was content to wait for that memory. It was actually rather exciting, being unable to tell what
she was doing tomorrow, in contrast to the deadly dull existence she suspected she had been having
in the past. She was not concerned about Darius' convenience, as she did not remember him telling
her he disliked her company. When he preferred to move on alone, she would know it before the time
came, and they would part.
Indeed, Darius realized that he did not object to her com -- pany. He was not looking for
any personal complications along the way, and she presented few, which were more than compensated
for by her brief insights of mischief forthcom -- ing. She was a good companion for this
treacherous journey.
VIRTUAL MODE 187
"But how do you feel about your own death?" he asked. "Will you see it coming?"
She certainly hoped so! She was not at all disturbed by his question. It turned out that
she feared her death no more than he feared his birth. It was merely one end of a person's ex --
istence. But that part of her life she could not remember, which was in the past, she preferred
not to think about, for it was filled with unkind mystery and foreboding, as well as with hopeful
speculation. Exactly as was his future for him.
"But now you have a taste of what my perspective is like," he told her. "Because you can
not anticipate most of your future either."
She agreed that was frightening, but she would bear up under the challenge of it, knowing
that it was bound to be alleviated one way or another before too long. She put her hand on his,
with pity and comfort for his misfortune to be locked always in the past.
"Thank you," he said, moving in mixed manner. But she had already lost the dialogue, and
proceeded in a businesslike manner to settling in for the night.
CHAPTER 9
DDWNG
THERE were more realities than Colene had dreamed of. Some were inhabited by what were
probably hu -- man beings or the equivalent; most were not. They passed quickly through the
inhabited ones, which tended to cluster, and lingered in the wilderness ones. Wild creatures, as a
gen -- eral class, were not as dangerous as civilized ones. Seqiro was able to stun any creature
who threatened, or simply to change its mind. In fact, she discovered, he could generate a mental
field around them that discouraged insects, so that mosquitoes and biting flies did not come
close. The first time she had slapped at a mosquito he had inquired, and then sent out the no-
insect thought. Just like that, no problem. He had been satisfied to use his tail to flick away
pests, until then.
She had liked him from the start. Each new thing she learned about him enhanced the
feeling.
They walked for another day and slept another night. She kept no count of the number of
realities they crossed, but judged that such a day's travel should represent about five thousand
of them. The calculation was simple enough: ten feet per reality, if they crossed it at right
angles as they usu -- ally did. Ten miles in the day, because they walked maybe ten hours at maybe
three miles an hour, taking time for eating and rest. The tens canceled out, and the number of
feet in a mile -- about five thousand -- was the number of realities. But
VIRTUAL MODE 189
it didn't matter. What counted was that they were making progress toward Darius. She knew
they were; she felt the strengthening rightness of the route.
Most realities were overgrown with vegetation, but they did encounter a series of them
with rocky sections, and she was able to ride her bicycle through these. Otherwise she would have
been dead tired, because this was a whole lot more walking than she had done in a long time. She
was lucky that her camping experience had prepared her some -- what; she knew how to conserve her
strength and not push her limits.
Seqiro, in contrast, seemed indefatigable. He had evidently made it a point to maintain
his health and stamina, and it showed.
/ could carry you, he thought. /( would not represent a burden to me, as you weigh little.
"I just don't think of you as a riding horse," she said. "You're my companion."
Granted. But a companion may walk or be carried.
She smiled briefly. "If it comes to the point where we really need to get somewhere, and
I'm really holding us back, then you carry me. Until then, I feel more equal afoot."
Because in your home reality horses are beasts of burden.
"Never to me!" she protested.
But your mind indicates that the association is there. You are concerned with what others
will think, though none are here to see.
"Never argue cases with a mind reader!" she said ruefully. "Or with someone smarter than
you."
/ am quite stupid compared to you.
"No way! Everything I tell you, you understand right away, better than I do. So you're
smarter or older or both, or just plain have more experience."
None of these. I am your age in years: fourteen. That is mature for my kind but my
experience of my reality is less than yours of yours. I depend on your mind.
"Do you, Seqiro? Maybe you needed me to fetch your supplies and load them on you, and to
open your gate. But once you got out of your reality, I became superfluous. You have just remained
with me out of sympathy."
She concentrated on deadly rays, uncertain of their names or how they would feel, but sure
that they would cut up the tender cells of her body and mess up her genetics. Invisible shafts of
destruction, like X-rays, only worse. Would this be enough for him to fathom? She doubted it, yet
she hoped, because otherwise they were at an impasse. How could they risk that barren waste,
without being sure it wouldn't kill them just because they were there? They couldn't go around it,
because it was evident that it extended everywhere on that planet. There had not even been any
clouds. It was just so
utter and final!
/ can detect such radiation, Seqiro thought. My telepathic mind is very sensitive to
intrusion, and such rays would in -- trude. There are none.
"Are you sure?" she asked eagerly, but knew it was a foolish question. Seqiro knew what he
knew.
Yes, I am sure. But this may be immaterial. If that waste extends across many realities,
we shall not be able to cross it.
VIRTUAL MODE 193
"It can't extend forever!" she exclaimed. "My sense says that where I'm going is somewhere
beyond it. Darius didn't say anything about a desert." But she realized that Darius hadn't said
anything about the intervening realities, because the first time he had simply cut through
directly. Only with the Virtual Mode did every reality between them become sig -- nificant.
Then we must cross.
"But suppose it does cross many?" she asked, nipping across to the other case, as was her
fashion when in doubt. "Do we have supplies to make it? I don't want to be stuck in Death Valley
without water!"
/ see the bones of horses in your vision of that valley.
"Yes! It's awful! I've never been there, but I've seen it in movies. Oh, Seqiro, what
shall we do?"
You love my company, but you would not be satisfied with it indefinitely. You must rejoin
your human man. Therefore we must cross, because the alternative is not suitable.
"Yes, we must cross," she agreed. She wished she could say it with more confidence. Where
was the heroistic, die -- for-her-beliefs girl she longed to be? Not here, unfortunately.
They camped for the night, so as to be able to start early in the day. They agreed that
the desert might get hot in the day, and cold at night. They might do best to cross it rapidly and
get back into comfortable realities. But if it turned out to be more than a one-day trek, they
would be better off to maintain a measured pace, resting in the heat of noon and in the cold of
night, preserving their strength. They could make a three-day crossing, but not if they exhausted
themselves on the first day.
Colene fetched dry sticks of wood, and bunches of dry grass, and used one of her precious
matches to light a fire. Seqiro had checked and ascertained that there were no high -- powered
minds in this reality, so that the fire would be safe. She was very pleased to have it, for
psychological as well as physical reasons.
While she stared into the blaze, she reviewed plans with Seqiro. He would quest ahead for
minds. He could tune in to both animals and plants, but the distance depended on cir --
cumstances. A strong telepathic mind similar to his own could be contacted across a continent,
while dialogue with a non --
"Yes. So I'm not suicidal now, maybe. But I feel guilty for bugging out on my world."
With the situation as you present it, that is your only choice. You are freeing your world
of your presence, so that someone
else can survive.
"Say, yes! That's a good way to look at it." Somewhat cheered, she relaxed, and soon was
asleep.
THBY did start early, as soon as they could see their way. Immediately, the barrens, as
Colene thought of this re -- gion, were all around them, before and behind. It was as if life had
never existed anywhere.
At first the land was reasonably level, but this changed with realities, and it became so
ragged as to be an unkind challenge. Bare stone rose up in twisted contours, and sank into rubble.
Tors gave way to pits, forcing them to wind around their edges, slowing progress. Meanwhile the
sun rose in the bleak sky and the bright light beat down on them. Colene fashioned a hat from
cloth to protect her face and arms, and covered Seqiro's head and neck similarly, fearing damage
from the intensity of the rays. They were a strange -- looking pair, swathed in coverings
fashioned of loose cloth -- ing, but there was no one to see.
Then the land 'descended. It was a great cavity, so large
VIRTUAL MODE 197
that it featured its own mountains and pits and convolutions, as if it were a continent in
reverse. It extended ahead until the rim of the horizon cut it off.
Colene gazed at it with dismay. Then she had a revelation. "It's a sea!" she exclaimed.
"An ocean! We've come to the end of a continent! A sea without water!"
All water is gone from these realities, Seqiro agreed. There was nothing to do except
descend into it, because her sense told her that Darius was somewhere across this region. "I hope
we don't have to cross the whole Atlantic or Pacific!" Because that would be doom; they could not
walk that far.
That brought another concern. "How will we know if it's too far? I mean, if it is, we
should turn back, so at least we don't die of hunger or exposure. But if we turn back, when we
could have made it across -- "
If we reach what we deem to be half our ability to travel without new supplies, and I
still can not detect life ahead, then we should turn back.
"You can detect life behind us?" she asked. "I mean, you're not just thinking that to
reassure me?"
// is fading, but I can feel that life behind.
"Okay. If you get so you can't feel it behind, and you still can't feel it ahead, we'd
better turn back. That's not the same as giving up; it just means we'll have to find a better
way."
Agreed.
Yet privately she wondered what better way there could be. They would not be able to go
around the barrens the way she had around the hostile bear, because these were entire reali --
ties, each one a universe in itself. If there were a million of them, they just had to be crossed,
because there didn't seem to be any way to skip over parts of the Virtual Mode.
Well, if they had to retreat, maybe Darius would be able to find a way from the other
side. She was sure that he was looking for her too; he wouldn't have set up the Virtual Mode and
then just twiddled his thumbs. They could meet in the middle. So maybe he was coming to the other
side of this now, and was thinking about how to cross, and all she had to do was go back and wait.
But she was more independent than that. She wanted to make it on her own. So she hoped
they made it across.
a narrow ledge in places. "Um, will you be able to turn around there? I mean, if -- ?"
Perhaps you should explore ahead, and I will rejoin you when you come across a turning
place.
"Okay. But let's just not separate any farther than we ab -- solutely have to, okay?"
Agreed.
never be suicidal.
She walked out along the bridge, crossing the next bound -- ary. The pontoons continued
unbroken. But the appearance was of a ten-foot segment ending before and behind her. It looked far
more precarious than it was. There was no doubt now: the bridge was part of the Virtual Mode.
Someone from an anchor reality must have set it up. But who?
We shall discover that when we follow it to its source.
"But how do we know that source is friendly?" she asked as she toweled herself off, using
a dry shirt. She would have preferred to let herself dry naturally, but she was shivering and had
to get clothed before she did herself harm.
/ will be able to tell, if I am let into the mind of the anchor person.
right to it, each short segment appearing as they proceeded until one touched the island, and for
the first time in hours they set foot on land.
It was a relief to have the shade of femlike trees, but they decided not to linger,
because the pontoon bridge seemed endlessly long on the Virtual Mode despite its shortness in any
one reality, and they were limited to the supplies they carried. They could more readily rest
after they got safely past this region.
So with regret they moved out on the bridge again, trusting it to extend itself on through
the Virtual Mode, and soon found themselves back in the middle of the placid sea.
Until Colene stepped through a boundary and found her -- self in a wind-screaming storm.
Big waves rocked the bridge so hard it seemed about to be torn away.
She ducked back, and the storm cut off abruptly. Her hair was matted across her face and
her blouse and jeans were wrinkled. "We've got a problem."
So I saw. Seqiro had not yet crossed, but his mind had been with her. If it is confined to
one reality, we can cross quickly.
"Maybe so. But suppose it isn't?"
to bring us in to it?"
/ think we shall find out. [doubt we can avoid the encoun -- ter which threatens, so it is
better to proceed into it as if innocent.
"We are innocent," she muttered bleakly.
They crossed several more realities -- and were abruptly in a huge building. This was
evidently the anchor place.
A man stood before them. He was in a uniform: a princely robe of what looked like silk or
fine artificial material. A metallic band circled his head at forehead level. His hair was reddish
and receding, and his eyes were black and piercing. He looked to be in his fifties, running to
density rather than fat.
Seqiro stopped immediately. Colene, uncertain what to do, decided to remain mounted. That
way she could go with Se -- qiro if he bolted. "Hello," she said tentatively, her throat feeling
somewhat constrained.
"Hello," a ball hanging near them said, mimicking her voice and intonation precisely.
/ can not get into his mind, Seqiro thought. But I think that device is trying to
communicate.
A translator! That made sense. She faced the ball. "Hello. I am Colene, and this is my
horse, Seqiro. We are from a far
whether they could trust the folk of this reality. At least the DoOon seemed to have no notion of
telepathy; their sophisticated ball indicated that they depended on computerized data banks for
trans -- lation.
Then they saw to Colene. Ewe, the female sheep, ap -- proached bearing silken robes.
Colene realized that she must look pretty ratty, after the day's hike and the soaking down in the
storm. Her clothing had dried on her and must look that way. She nodded affirmatively.
The sheep-woman led her to an elegant private chamber. Ddwng did not follow; it seemed he
honored basic human protocol with regard to males and females. But she still didn't trust him. She
remembered how her date had be -- haved well enough, until he got her alone with his friends and
their liquor. This could be a fancier version of some -- thing similar.
There was another hanging ball here, and it continued to respond to all her remarks. Maybe
it was all part of a net -- work, and they wanted to get as much of her language as possible,
quickly. That was fine with her. She gave it all the words that came up, and instructed it in
basic syntax, cor -- recting it when it made an incorrect assumption. This was the easy way to
establish communication!
Meanwhile she suffered herself to be undressed, bathed, and redressed by the quiet female.
She was very good at her profession, evidently born to be a servant to nobility. For Colene was
being treated like a princess, and garbed like one. Whenever she spoke to Ewe, that creature nod --
ded her head forward in a set motion, both bow and ac -- knowledgment, and did her best as quietly
and efficiently as possible.
going somewhere. It was dusk now, and they de -- cided to camp, then follow the path in the
morning.
Proves remembered no problems in the coming hours. With neither weather nor animals to
contend with, this seemed reasonable. But there was also no shield against the chill of night. The
stone had been burning hot, and it retained much of its heat, but the air was turning frigid.
There was no wood from which to make a fire. His thin blanket was not enough to shield them from
the intensity of the chill that was devel -- oping.
Proves looked around. Then she stooped to lift the end of the path. The material came up
readily. She walked with it, bunching up a length. Of this she made a blanket. She sig -- naled
him to join her.
The path material turned out to have a good insulating property. Whether as tent or
blanket, it held in the radiating heat of the stone and kept them warm.
By morning, even so, it was very cold, and the two of them were closely embraced, huddled
under the path. Darius wished it could have been Colene with him, with her lovely little body and
innocently seductive manner. But with the dawn came the heat of the sun, and soon the air was
warming.
VIRTUAL MODE 235
The reflective path remained cooler than the surrounding stone. They walked on it and were
more comfortable than they had been the day before. Now they were obviously going somewhere. But
who had set this up, and why?
The path was leading in the direction of the steepest change of Modes, which meant it was
going toward an anchor. But probably not the right one. Darius had found his way first to Proves'
anchor Mode. Now they must be going to a third one, and they could not know what to expect of it.
Suddenly there was water. The land had been desert dry, but now there were lakes to the
sides and vapors rising from the stone. Farther along there was life: thin, tenacious lichen
coloring the rocks. But as they proceeded, this became more ambitious, until there was a general
covering of primitive vegetation, and the appearance of insect life.
Then there was animal life. At first it was not far removed from the lakes, and was small,
but it progressed rapidly. When man-sized reptiles appeared, Darius got nervous. But it was easy
to avoid a predator by stepping across a Mode boundary. They just had to be careful not to walk
directly into one, as there was no way to spot them ahead. They learned to count their paces,
pause, and use his mirror tube before moving on. This slowed them, but seemed necessary.
The path became bolder, and the scenery more recent. There seemed to be no large predators
in this section, so they put away the mirror tube and moved more rapidly, because night was coming
again.
Suddenly they were in an enormous chamber. There was an extremely elegant young woman,
obviously of high social standing. She turned and saw him.
"Darius!" she cried, and flung herself into his arms.
It was Colene! Thus suddenly they had come together.
"Beware," she whispered into his ear before she kissed him.
But already a man was walking toward them. He had red -- dish hair and piercing black eyes
under a metallic band re -- sembling a crown, and wore a kingly robe.
"You must be Darius," a voice said in Colene's language. It came not from the man but what
appeared to be a hanging ball.
"I am Darius," he agreed as Colene relaxed enough to let
Darius looked at Provos, but she seemed to be willing to go with Colene despite the
barrier of speech. He nodded.
In a moment he was in a separate chamber with the man, evidently private. "I am Ddwng of
the DoOon," the ball said, still in Colene's language. "I need your Chip."
"The Chip that set up the Virtual Mode?" Darius asked, surprised. "It is not mine to
give."
"But you could lead me to it."
"To my Mode, yes. But the Cyng of Pwer would not give it to you. Chips are valuable."
"I know. If you lead me to your Mode, I will get it from your official."
"Why do you want it?"
"We are confined to our Mode. The Chip will enable us to visit other Modes."
Darius considered. He did not like this situation. Both Col -- ene and Provos had
expressed doubt. Why should this evi -- dently powerful man be so eager to go to other Modes?
Could he be a human version of the dragons, seeking to invade new territory to the disadvantage of
the folk there?
But it might not be wise to turn him down flatly. "I will think about the matter.''
Ddwng frowned. "There are things you should know, as you think," the ball said. "Colene
will be withheld from you during that period."
VIRTUAL MODE 227
"Withheld?" Darius asked, dismayed. "But I entered the Virtual Mode only to fetch her!"
"Then your decision should be easy. I shall grant you ten days to decide. If you are
negative, we shall sterilize Colene and make her a common concubine."
Suddenly Darius understood how accurate the warnings were. Ddwng was holding Colene
hostage to Darius' perfor -- mance! Surely there was no good motive there.
"In the interim, you shall perform an assignment," the ball continued. "The manner in
which you acquit yourself will determine your situation after your decision."
Darius suspected that anything he could say would only complicate his situation. But there
was one way he could improve his chances. "I will need the services of Provos."
Ddwng hesitated, then concluded that a small concession was in order. What he wanted was
Darius' cooperation, not his antagonism. "She will join you."
Then a servant appeared. His head was that of a sheep. The creature was waiting for
Darius, so Darius got up and accompanied him from the room. They walked to a relatively tiny
chamber. "Stand in there," a nearby hanging ball said.
Darius stepped into the little chamber. A panel closed him in. The chamber shook. Then the
panel opened.
A man stood outside, but not the same one. This one was fully human, and wore a rather
handsome deep red uniform. He lifted his right hand, spreading his fingers. "Welcome aboard.
Captain," a ball said.
Darius shook his head. "You have mistaken me for some -- one else. I am here only to do an
assignment for Ddwng of the DoOon."
"This is true, sir," the ball said, speaking for the man. "You are to complete a mission
as Captain of this ship, the FTL Flay. I am your executive officer, Jjle."
Darius stepped out of the little chamber. "But I know nothing of ships! I can't even find
the sail!"
Jjle smiled. "This ship has no sail, sir," the ball said. "It is a destroyer-class
thousand-light-year craft. I am competent to operate it, as I shall do at your command."
"No sail?" Darius asked blankly.
"Sir, if you will permit the personal remark, I suspect you
228 PIERS ANTHONY
have come into this command rather suddenly. May I proffer
a suggestion?"
"Yes, please, J-jlee! I have no idea what -- " "Allow me to show you to your quarters,
where your nulls will acquaint you with the necessary background. When you emerge, no other member
off the crew will know that this is
new to you."
This had the sound of good advice. "Yes, thank you."
"The appropriate term is 'affirmative,' sir. When we reach your quarters, tell me to
'carry on.'"
"Affirmative," Darius said.
They walked down a short squared-off metal hall to an -- other door panel. "Your touch
will key it open, sir."
thighs was now visible for his inspection. She wore no diaper. Indeed, she seemed to wear no
panties either.
He decided to try to ignore this, lest he seem too fussy. "Pussy, please clarify for me
what it is the three of you are expected to do for me."
"We exist to serve you in any capacity you desire," the sultry voice of the ball said. The
cat-woman's thighs spread
a bit more.
"Yes, so you said before. But what capacities do you ex -- pect me to desire of you?"
"Information, body attendance, sex," she said via the ball, confirming the message her
legs had been sending.
"Information is the one I desire now. How did you come to be the way you are?"
"We are androids, manufactured in the factory from re -- constituted human genetic
material. We have no souls. Our heads are modified to conform to several animal patterns, though
we retain the ability to perceive and communicate as humans do. As a class we are the nulls; as a
subclass we are the Felines, male, neuter, and female. Our only pleasure comes from being of
significant service to our human mas -- ters, and we must perform at least one such service each
day
or suffer.''
Evidently this was a set speech for the edification of ig -- norants like himself. Darius
appreciated it. "You are per -- forming such a service to me by giving me this information?"
"Yes," she agreed eagerly.
"What happens to a null who fails to perform such a ser -- vice?"
"On the first day we suffer emotional pain. On the second,
physical pain. On the third we die."
The DoOon did not treat his servants gently! "Suppose I just tell you that I need no
services, and to relax?"
"The nature of acceptable services is listed and pro --
VIRTUALMODE 231
grammed," the ball said in her voice. "We can not deviate. If you wish some service which
is not programmed, you must arrange it by having us reprogrammed on a temporary ba -- sis."
"Suppose I do not need a service, but another human be -- ing does. May I have you do it,
abating your need?"
"No," she said sadly. The ball seemed to be fading out of awareness.
The neuter null lifted a hand, evidently a signal for atten -- tion. "Speak, Cat," Darius
said.
"Pussy's answer is incomplete. We are differentiated by type as well as by sex. Tom is
strong and capable of violence at your behest; he will defend you against attack, even by a human
being. Pussy is sympathetic and versed in the arts of gentleness, massage, seduction, and sexual
performance. I lack either nature, but am the most objective and intelligent of your Felines. I am
capable of interpreting your commands and questions and verifying your actual intent when you mis -
- speak yourself or are vague. Accordingly I advise you that while Pussy's response is technically
correct, there are ways to circumvent this restriction."
"Then I should be talking with you, rather than Pussy," Darius said, interested.
"We would not presume to say that," the ball said for Cat.
Darius faced Pussy. "Should I be talking with Cat instead of you?''
"Yes."
"Thank you. Pussy. I will talk with him, if this will not hurt your feelings."
She looked confused. "He means kindness. Pussy," Cat said to her. "He appreciates what you
have done so far."
"Oh, thank you!" she said, relieved. As always, it was the ball that spoke, but the
distinction had become meaning -- less; it was her voice, and her thought.
Cat faced Darius. "This was an example. When you said 'if this would not hurt her
feelings, she was not sure whether they should be hurt, which would mean she had in some way
failed you. I provided the reassurance you intended. If I in -- terpret your intent incorrectly,
or if you prefer that I not do this, advise me and I will desist."
Darius was fascinated by this information. It was apparent
"To the far corner of this chamber," he murmured, and made the figure jump.
Nothing happened. There was not even a tug in his stom -- ach. Magic was not operative
here.
Darius sighed. He was in effect a man without special power. "I am not skilled in this."
"It is not necessary that you be so." The Felines seemed to have no interest in his
peculiar action with the figurine;
evidently his business was his business, unless he made it theirs. "You will have merely
to give the necessary direc -- tives. Nulls will assume the risk and complete the job."
"So I'm a figurehead," he said.
the manner that we nulls have been crafted from the leftover parts of it. No hu -- man suffers
from genetic maladies; none grow fat or weak or are stupid. All live long lives by primitive
standards, and enjoy health throughout. But the genetic pool has become inbred, and the rate of
population increase is declining. Fewer eggs are viable. It seems that primitive vigor has been
sac -- rificed along with primitive liabilities. New genetic input is needed, to broaden the base
and invigorate the pool. Colene represents an excellent source of that input, being young,
intelligent, and healthy. It is unfortunate that the other woman. Proves, is beyond the age of
similar harvest."
Darius was horrified anew. "So they aren't going to let her escape with her ovaries. But
then why should I cooperate? Ddwng's word means nothing."
"That is not true. The Emperor's word is always good. It would be beneath him to make any
false statement. There is reason for you to cooperate: if you provide the Chip that enables Ddwng
to transcend Modes, he will be able to bring in other women with their genes, and will have no
need of
understood, and she had named Prima. But he had not mentioned that name this time, and he could
not have men -- tioned it before, because he had not encountered Prima be -- fore embarking on the
Virtual Mode. Somehow Colene had learned the name and what it signified.
It had not been Colene directly with whom he talked, but an image. With magic, images
could be false. Surely that was true in this super-science realm. Yet Colene's ways had rung true.
She had wept when she told him they must pan, and she had reacted in other authentic ways. She was
suicidal;
she would not have told Ddwng that, because she told no one. Only Darius himself, and then
only when she loved him. This time she had said that her life was complete, and he knew too well
what that meant. Complete because she in -- tended to end it. When she lost him. That had to be
Colene! A false image would have tried to capitulate; she had done the opposite. Had she begged
him to do it, he might have yielded; she had begged him not to. That rang true.
But the name. Colene could not know of Prima. Yet how could a false image know it either?
No one should know it, not even Provos. He had not mentioned her to Proves. Or had he? He had used
the mirror tube Prima had devised;
perhaps he had after all mentioned its origin. Or Proves could have remembered the name
from some remark he would make in the future. And Provos had been with Colene for a while.
Yes, it was possible, he realized. Provos must have told her. Colene would naturally have
asked about him, and Pro --
sapient-species recognition and protection. But the Empire had never been much for techni --
calities, so the export continued on a muted basis. The na -- tives were placid folk who did not
hold grudges, so there was no fuss.
Now, however, the marauding was becoming an embar -- rassment. The actual value of the
damage was not great, but the seeming inability of the colonists to stop it reflected ad --
versely on the Empire. There was also the suspicion that the natives might be finally developing
notions of objection to human rule, and of course that had to be emphatically squelched. It was
necessary not only to stop the monster, but to ascertain exactly how it had come on the scene and
what had enabled it to operate so long without being stopped. The suggestion of mind-blasting was
especially sensitive. The Empire had overwhelming superiority in conventional weap -- ons of all
types, but something that could stun a mind without physical contact was alarming.
Darius retired to his quarters and pondered. This just might prove to be a more difficult
mission than had been suggested. Was it possible that Ddwng really was providing him with a
challenge that would prove his mettle one way or the other? Mind-stunning, if done by intelligent
creatures who were or -- ganized, could prove to be a threat to more than just a single colony.
Then why assign the mission to an ignorant outsider? It wasn't to get rid of him, because
Ddwng wanted him to sur -- vive to show the way to his home Mode and the Chip there. Darius was
not a conspirator by nature, but he had a certain notion of the ways in which people of doubtful
loyalty could be tested. They could be provided with the opportunity to do
^48 PIERS ANTHONY
some secret wrong. Believing they were unobserved, they usually revealed their basic
natures.
Suppose Ddwng hesitated to trust himself to the Virtual Mode with only Darius as a guide?
The Emperor would not be able to take any of his loyal minions along unless he re -- mained in
constant contact with them, which would be awk -- ward. How well Darius knew! That meant he would
have to trust Darius and his companions of the Virtual Mode. After requiring Darius' cooperation
by threatening the young woman he loved. That would seem chancy indeed!
But if Darius turned out to be trustworthy, the risk became feasible. If Darius' nature
was honest, then his word, once given, was good. That might well be more important to Ddwng than
the outcome of the mission on Planet Yils. That ten-day deadline might be as much for Ddwng as for
Darius:
time to study the visitor to this Mode, to come to a conclusion about him.
Darius was a Cyng, a man of inherent power. He had never had the need to deal in anything
other than the truth, and hardly cared to demean himself by doing so now. But he had never before
been faced with such a difficult choice. Should he save the woman he loved by pledging to enable a
con -- queror to ravage other Modes? That would represent a loss of honor. But if the alternative
was to lose Colene --
Well, he still had most of nine days to make the decision. Or did he? Could this span of
time be another kind of test? A person who waited until the end to make the pledge surely was
doing it only as a last resort. One who made it at the outset might simply be saying it as a
matter of convenience, without sincerity. The sincere man would take time to study the situation
and think it through, then make his decision in timely fashion.
Provos believed he would make the pledge. But she could not know what was in his heart,
and neither could Ddwng. A liar and a truth-teller would say the same thing, to get his way. But
in a situation of challenge and decision, the reac -- tions of the two would probably differ.
Ddwng and his min -- ions had surely had a great deal of experience in judging how
the two differed.
But a single episode was not enough. It was necessary to know a person as well as
possible, and to judge whether his
VIRTUAL MODE 249
decision was consistent with the pattern of his personality. Even if a person made a
commitment with sincerity, he could not be trusted if it was not in accord with his nature. Men
did not always know their own wills.
Darius realized that he had probably been under observa -- tion throughout, waking and
sleeping, and would be for the duration of this venture. It didn't matter; he had been too busy
getting his bearings to act in any way atypical of him -- self. But now that he realized this, it
did matter. He could not form a pattern of action consistent with one decision, then decide the
other way.
But he hadn't made his decision! How could he be consis -- tent with an unknown?
Proves had given him the key to that. He would have to comport himself in a manner
consistent with a decision to accede to Ddwng's demand. If he then did so, it would be trusted. If
he did not, then the pattern would be inconsis -- tent -- but that would not matter, because an
inconsistent pat -- tern was similar to a negative one, for Ddwng's purpose. Either would mean
that it was not safe to enter the Virtual Mode with him.
Was the choice truly between Colene and the welfare of the Modes? He would have to search
for some compromise. But meanwhile he would assume that he was going to agree to give Ddwng the
Chip. He did love Colene, and this was the only likely way to save her.
He looked up. There were the three Felines, not watching him, but alert for any required
service. Cat had been of ser -- vice today; the other two had not. He had to do something about
that.
"Tom, try to enable me to see Colene again," he said.
Tom jumped to manipulate the screen. This time he quickly got through to the Swine.
However far the ship was from Earth, it seemed to entail no delay in communication.
But the bureaucracy would not be rushed. Tom had to go through the litany of requests and
clarifications. Finally a man with the seeming head of a horse appeared on the screen. "The Lady
Colene is not accessible at the moment," Stallion said.
"Why not?" Tom demanded.
"Because she is riding her horse."
All he had to do was tell her no. But if he did, what would that indicate about his
impending decision to cooperate with Ddwng? And if he refused her offerings, then told Ddwng yes,
and Ddwng considered his maladaptation to the customs of this culture, and concluded that he could
not be trusted, what then of Colene? Pussy was nice, but she was meaning -- less; she would be
exactly as nice in exactly this way to any man she was required to serve. It was Colene who
counted. He could not risk anything to imperil Colene's welfare.
The safest thing to do was nothing.
Pussy took that as assent. She lay on him full length, slid -- ing up enough to kiss him
with her feline mouth. It was a human mouth; it only looked feline. All of her cat features were
more suggestive than actual, as if she had had just enough cosmetic surgery to lend the effect.
His resolve to be passive dissolved. His arms closed around her body. His hands stroked
the sleekness of the small of her back, and below. Her posterior was as marvelous to touch as to
see. Then they were turning over, his eagerness taking charge. She was intended for this use, and -
- The wall became a window screen. Colene stood there, as if right beside the bed, staring down.
Everything was visible. She blinked.
Darius froze in place. The call! How could he have for -- gotten the call! Tom had kept at
it, finally completed it, and put it right through to Darius, where he happened to be at the
moment. In the middle of a sexual act with another woman.
"I guess you're busy right now," Colene said, turning away. The screen faded and became
the wall.
Pussy looked at him, concerned. "Have I done wrong?"
252 PIERS ANTHONY
"No." She had been true to her nature.
"She was not supposed to see?"
"I was not supposed to be doing it." An understatement!
"I will tell her what I did!" Pussy said, tears starting down her face as she sat up. "You
did not tell me yes! I have done you a disservice, my master!"
What could he say? What was the penalty for a disservice? He feared it was formidable. He
was already in critical trou -- ble with Colene, and no apology by a null would make that right.
What would be the point in punishing Pussy?
"You were not at fault," he said. "I let you do what I wanted you to do. I did not know
Colene would see, but if I had done it without her seeing, I would have been deceiving her. The
fault was mine, either way."
"You must not take the blame for me!" she protested. "I have done you a disservice, and I
must pay. I am so sorry to have done this to you. I wanted only -- "
"Enough!" He spoke more forcefully than he had in -- tended, startling her. "You have done
me no disservice. I have done myself the disservice. But if you feel you had any share in it, I
will require two services of you tomorrow, and thereafter the matter shall be forgotten."
She had to think about that a moment. "You want my service tomorrow?"
"Yes, of course. Not necessarily of this type, but a ser -- vice. Or two. Be ready."
"Oh, yes, my master! I will be ready! But now -- "
"Dress me. Now I shall eat."
She hastened to oblige. They emerged to the main cham -- ber, and she hurried to fetch
food.
Proves was there. She had evidently been walking around the ship, knowing her way by
memory, and the members of the crew tolerated her as a guest of the Captain. "Something happened?"
she inquired.
"So to speak." He knew what she thought he had done, and she was not far off. He came
close to her, needing the illusion of privacy. "Proves, do you remember what the pen -- alty is
for a null who does a disservice?''
"Why, of course. The null is destroyed immediately. It is unfortunate, because no null
ever does such a thing inten --
VIRTUAL MODE 253
tionally, but it seems that some mistakes are not allowed. Why do you ask?"
"I had a concern that one might have made such a mistake." "No, not that I remember. The
nulls of this ship are very competent."
"I am glad to know that." He was indeed! Pussy had been offering her death, to try to
spare him embarrassment. He had managed to avoid that as much by luck as intent. His luck had been
opposite with Colene. He knew it would be useless to try to call her back.
And all because he had allowed his passion to get out of control. He had indeed done
himself a disservice.
THE following day he had to worry about the two ser -- vices from Pussy, as well as the
single ones from Tom and Cat. So he did the obvious: he asked Cat.
"You do not wish to make sexual use of Pussy?" Cat in -- quired.
"I do and I don't. She is an attractive and innocent crea -- ture. But Colene would not
understand."
"Colene already does not understand."
"All too true! Still, my feeling for Colene is such that I prefer not to be guilty of what
disturbs her, even if it is too late for such restraint. I punish myself by denying myself that
which I foolishly desired." It was, he knew, a pointless ges -- ture, but the hurt he had done
Colene was gnawing at him, and this was the only way he could think of to ameliorate it even
slightly.
"As you prefer. There is another alternative. On rare oc -- casions, at the master's
discretion, services may be post -- poned, pending greater service at a later time. You are about
to undertake a mission with some risk. You can require Pussy to join you on that mission, as a
bodyguard."
"A bodyguard! Is she good at that?"
"No, violence is against her nature. Tom will be with you, of course; he is adapted for
violence. It would be a stressful thing for her, worthy of several services."
"I don't want to put her under stress!"
"She is already under stress."
As with Colene, he was damned either way. "I'll do it."
Darius did some more thinking about the possible nature
in doubt, merely the man -- ner of its accomplishment. Of course Provos had been in error about
his having sex with Pussy, but only because she had made the reasonable assumption about his
session in the bedroom. Provos did not know the literal future, only that part of it she was to
learn. Darius had been caught in com -- promise. Anyone would have drawn a similar conclusion. Es -
- pecially Colene. And he was in effect guilty. But however Colene now felt about him, he still
loved her, and the thought of her being sterilized and lobotomized was intolerable. He had to save
her.
So if Ddwng wanted to discover Darius' nature, this would provide a clear indication. He
would accomplish this mission in his own style. But he still had not decided whether to accede to
Ddwng's demand for the Chip. If he could find a way to save Colene without giving up the Chip, he
would do so. Just as he hoped to find a way to nullify the monster without hurting anyone.
"Tell me about shielding," he said to Cat.
"It is an electronic armament which prevents any fast -- moving missiles from touching the
wearer," Cat replied. "It also intercepts any radiation or sonics which would be harm -- ful. Only
officers of the Empire are allowed to utilize it."
"Or those designated by such officers." Darius was catch -- ing on to the rules of the
Empire.
"True."
"Do you think it will intercept the mind-stunning attack of the monster?''
"It should, as there surely is some physical aspect of this. True mental transmission
between minds is unknown; all claims of such have been investigated and debunked. But it seems
indiscreet to expose yourself to it."
"It seems indiscreet to me not to," Darius said. "Tom and Pussy and I will go after the
monster protected in this manner.''
Cat was silent. That was his indication of disagreement so
256 PIERS ANTHONY
strong as to be a possible disservice if voiced. No null could afford to call its master a
fool.
THE Flay arrived at Planet Yils on schedule. There was no fanfare; it simply took up what
Jjle described as an orbit, and Darius stepped into the transfer chamber with his two Feline
bodyguards. Tom was confident; Pussy was nervous. Tom carried what was called a laser rifle, and
Pussy the pain dial. She had to bear a weapon for this type of service to count, though she seemed
afraid of it.
The shields they wore were invisible. They were generated by small boxes carried in
pockets. Darius knew the power of magic, but distrusted the power of super-science, so tested the
shields by having his Felines make mock attacks against each other and himself. They could make
contact with each other, but the moment any motion became swift enough to harm a person, the
shields cushioned it and slowed it down to safe range. The faster the motion, the greater the
cushion -- ing effect, until it became quite uncushionlike. When Darius, emboldened by slower
maneuvers, attempted to strike Tom with a stick, the stick seemed to smack into a wall, and it
broke in half. Thrown stones bounced off harmlessly. A di -- rect charge at Pussy resulted in both
of them bouncing back, cushioned by their shields so that neither was hurt.
This did seem to be about as good as magic. But would it really be effective against the
monster? Darius had a nagging
doubt.
They met the commandant of the colony, an old human man in an Empire robe. "It struck
again six hours ago," he announced. His language was unfamiliar, but Darius now carried a
translation ball which worked both ways. "We have set up a cordon, and believe we have it
isolated. Unfortu -- nately a number of colonists reside in that sector."
"We are not going to bomb the sector," Darius said.
"You have a way to point-spot the monster?" the com -- mandant asked, relieved.
"We are going to search for it ourselves."
"But it can stun human minds!"
"We are shielded."
The commandant looked doubtful. "I would not wish to seem critical of Navy equipment, but
unless your shields are
VIRTUAL MODE 257
more potent than ours, they will not be effective. This seems almost to be a case of --
something unknown."
So maybe it was direct mind contact! The commandant didn't want to name it as such,
fearing ridicule for believing what was supposedly supernatural, but he was hinting. "I have had
some experience of this type," Darius said, under -- stating the case. Receiving and amplifying
and broadcasting mental power was his specialty of magic. If by any chance the monster's power
related, Darius might be uniquely equipped to handle it. He had tested sympathetic magic here and
found it to be inoperative, but perhaps mental magic would work. Certainly the two were different,
because even in his own Mode, few folk possessed the power of multiply -- ing feeling, while
anyone could do ordinary magic.
Could this be coincidence? Colene had arrived at this Mode before him, perhaps because of
his delay when he returned Prima to his own Mode. Ddwng had surely questioned her. She could have
told him what she knew of Darius' power of magic, which the Emperor well might have interpreted as
supernatural mental power. By the definitions of this culture, that was what it was. Darius had
not been aware of any men -- tal interactions with the folk of this Mode, but it was possible that
though most were deaf to the transfer of joy, some few might be receptive.
Ddwng was evidently no ignorant functionary. He had given Darius a mission that might
exploit his particular talent, if it were operative here. Ddwng might be extremely inter -- ested
in knowing the status of that talent.
Darius decided to assume that this was a good connection and that he could be effective in
dealing with the monster. He let his peculiar awareness extend, seeking a mind that was in some
fashion similar to his own. A mind that could transfer joy -- or other emotion. Or simply the
deadly absence of emo -- tion that was unconsciousness.
In a moment he found it. To his perception it was a nucleus of malignancy. Something was
hating.
Darius had not had occasion to magnify or broadcast hate. There just was no market for it.
But the principle was the same as for joy. He could transfer it without affecting himself. If
there were no suitable recipients, the emotion would be lost -- but that was a suitable way to
deal with hate.
Darius had after all killed the monster. And, in his own judgment, bungled the mission.
BACK on the Flay with his staggering minions, Darius was the object of covert stares of
awe. "The monster took out your bodyguards, sir -- and you killed it alone?" Jjle in -- quired.
"Without a weapon?"
"Not exactly. It was the pain dial that killed him. His mind was more vulnerable to it
than others. But my success was chance as much as design."
"As you say, sir." But the awe remained.
When he reached his chambers, the wall-screen was on. There was Colene, in her
preternatural beauty. "Oh, Da -- rius -- you're all right!" she cried.
He was taken aback. "You are speaking to me?"
"Of course I'm speaking to you! I love you!"
She couldn't have forgiven him! "And I love you. But -- "
"I know your culture's different. You can't be expected to -- I understand that -- and
anyway, you're a man. Oh, Da -- rius, please give Ddwng the Chip! It's the only way we can be
together!"
"Colene, I want to be with you more than anything. But if I -- "
"It'll be all right! Honest it will! He'll let us go, if -- please, Darius!"
Why had she turned about so completely? She should be furious with him, yet she was urging
him to betray their Modes so that she could be with him. He would have to think about this.
"I will consider," he told her.
"Please," she repeated, and faded out.
Darius sat in the chair and considered. He thought of the monster/boy, so recently dead.
He thought of Proves, who had said he would kill the monster, and who had also said he would agree
to commit to Ddwng. He thought of Colene.
He had offered the boy the chance for a kind of amnesty:
fair treatment and a chance to serve the Empire, if he turned his talent to the welfare of
the Empire. He knew Ddwng would have honored that, because it made sense. Instead the boy had
attacked him -- and destroyed himself in the process. Utter folly.
CHAPTER 11
CONSORT
^OLENE looked at her wrist. The scars had faded. ~'She had not cut herself since meeting
Darius. But now she was getting that feeling again.
When she had come here and realized that she and Seqiro were prisoners, she had hoped they
would be able to escape soon after Darius arrived. But he had been whisked away almost immediately
to a distant stellar system. That prevented her from even trying to flee. She knew she would have
to wait until he returned to Earth.
Oh, Ddwng was treating her well enough. He dined with her often, and was always
exceedingly polite. One might have supposed that an emperor of a galaxy would have better things
to do, but apparently his staff was more than competent, and he seldom had crisis decisions to
make. She had feared that his interest in her was that of a man for some wild primitive strange
woman, but he seemed genuinely curious about her ways and feelings. What she would do if another
type of interest manifested she didn't know. She didn't want to make him mad -- not while Darius
was far away -- but she didn't want any more to do with him than absolutely necessary.
She had three nulls of the Equine persuasion to tend to her every need and want. Indeed,
they were compelled to do one or more services for her each day. Had she been a man, she would
have had no trouble finding something for Mare each
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day; she was as luscious a piece of woman-flesh as could be imagined, from the neck down.
But Colene was a girl, and though Stallion would have been glad to do for her what a man did,
hired sex was not her interest. So she was kept busy keeping them busy.
She was allowed information on Darius' progress, and she followed it compulsively.
Unfortunately that meant being aware of the time he spent with his nulls, particularly Pussy. What
an apt name for that juicy Feline!
He called her, to her surprise; she had assumed that direct dialogue between them would be
forbidden. So she tested it further by urging him not to agree to give Ddwng the Chip. Then she
waited somewhat apprehensively for the Emperor's reaction.
There was none. She did not trust that one bit.
She was allowed access to Seqiro too. Actually she was in constant mental contact with
him, but she wanted more than that. So they played the game of riding, because both agreed that
his mental powers should be hidden. The people of this reality had no awareness of telepathy,
treating it as a super -- natural notion. Seqiro reported that their minds seemed opaque to it,
not because of being guarded but because they just did not seem to be organized that way. The
animals could be touched, but Seqiro did not even send the mosquitoes away. lest an attendant
notice. He was being the complete dumb animal.
She returned to the palace interior to learn from Horse that Darius had tried to call her
again. "Well, call him back!" she said, her heart leaping. "Immediately!"
It placed the call. Tom received it. "Darius is busy at the moment," the cat-head said.
"Oh, he'll talk to we!" she said confidently.
"As you wish." The picture changed.
There was Darius, naked, in the process of having sex with Pussy. She was so surprised and
dismayed that she couldn't think of any appropriate reaction. "I guess you're busy right now," she
said lamely, and faded out. That de -- scription was appropriate: she thought she was going to
faint.
"You seem surprised at his activity," Horse said. "I should clarify that it is normal to --
"
Ddwng was the root of her problem. He was the one who kept her apart from Darius, and put
him in the position of
Colene leaned forward, evincing the appropriate amount of suspicion as well as presenting
a bit more of the flesh of her bosom for inspection. "You mean I should go traveling with you, and
everyone will think I'm having sex with you, but it won't be true?"
"Correct, if that is the way you wish it."
True.
"And maybe I'll have to do some public task for you, the way Darius is with that far-flung
mission?"
cells of your body taken surgically for use by the people of this reality, to replenish their
stock. They are too conformist, genetically; they must introduce variety, or suffer slow
degeneration.
Colene was stunned. Now she knew why Darius was play -- ing the game! She was the cause of
it.
She tried to keep her face straight and her body relaxed, so that the hidden sensors could
not read her reactions well. Whoever was watching her would know that something was bothering her,
but might assume it was the stupid wall -- program. Or the threat to her horse, which wasn't far
wrong.
The more she dwelled on this news, the firmer her reaction became. It was utter fury. The
Emperor was keeping her close to him and treating her like a great lady, while threat -- ening her
horse and herself with dire consequences. Rape? He was expert at it!
274 PIERS ANTHONY
So what was she going to do about it? Ddwng seemed to hold most of the cards. He was
holding them hostage against each other, and was unscrupulous enough to make good on all his
threats. But if they all went along, and the Emperor got that Chip, he could ravage the other
realities too. Was their welfare worth it?
If they didn't cooperate, it might not stop Ddwng. He would kill them and head into the
Virtual Mode on his own, and maybe he would find the Chip anyway. His chances of getting it would
be greatly reduced, and his chances of get -- ting lost or killed increased, but he was obviously
one tough nut and he well might get through. In which case they would have sacrificed themselves
for nothing.
No, the only sure way was to be rid of Ddwng. To agree to do his will, get him into the
Virtual Mode, away from his minions, and destroy him. Feed him to a telepathic bear or something.
But right away she saw several problems with that. First, Ddwng wouldn't fall for it; he
would know not to trust them. Second, Darius wouldn't give his word unless he meant it, so Ddwng
could trust him, and for Ddwng's purpose Darius was the only one who mattered. The rest of them
were just to make sure Darius didn't change his mind; they had to keep encouraging him to give
Ddwng that Chip. How could Colene do anything else, when Seqiro would be hurt? There was probably
some sort of threat against Proves too, so she kept her mouth shut. She might know what was going
to happen, but not be able to prevent it.
That gave her a passing notion. Seqiro -- did you tune in on Proves when she was here ?
Did she know our future ?
Her mind is permeable but strange. She was just beginning to know it. She takes time to
remember, in a new reality. She seemed to see us being here for ten days, then going back into the
Virtual Mode with Ddwng. She could not see beyond that.
Well, that's enough. So we are going to do it.
Yes, as she sees it.
Colene felt a surge of despair. It was already decided! They were locked into the
Emperor's fell plot. Whatever they did, Ddwng would win, because he was what he was and they were
what they were. If only Darius weren't so honest! If he
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agreed, even under duress, he would carry through. Colene herself would have no such
compunction; a pledge made un -- der duress was not binding. Knowing what she now knew of Ddwng,
she would have no compunction about lying to him. She would not let the DoOon exploit the other
realities as they had this one! But she had no power. Darius didn't want to see her hurt, so he
would agree, and that would be that. Should she condemn him because he really did love her?
Damn, damn, damn! Ddwng could tell when others were lying, because his instruments read
their body signals. Col -- ene was different; he couldn't quite keep track of her, because she was
wildly mixed up inside. The DoOon were pretty much all of a kind, their genetics inbred; that was
why they needed new blood, and her ovaries represented that. So Ddwng was trying to understand
her, not because he cared about her but because he didn't want to introduce truly crazy blood into
the DoOon strain. He was surveying her as he might a new breed of animal, making sure of the
quality. Once he was sure that her mind did not represent a genetic danger to the stock --
Could she pretend she was truly crazy, and scare him off? No, because it was Darius he
really needed. He could throw her away if he decided she was worthless. She would do bet -- ter to
satisfy him that she was actually a pretty genetically solid creature, and then do something wild
in the Virtual Mode, like pushing him off a mile-high cliff into a mile-wide bed of carnivorous
oysters who hadn't been fed for two years. But he would surely be well armed, and have electronic
ar -- mor and an antigravity suit and other super-science that would make him invulnerable to any
betrayal she might attempt. In fact, he would probably have one of those little pain dials Horse
had shown her, tuned to all of them, so that it would go off if anything happened to him and
they'd all fry. She would have no way to do him harm, for sure.
But she absolutely refused to let him get away with it. She had faced down Biff in that
bleeding contest; there must be some way she could beat Ddwng. Some nasty little plot she could
hide in her nutty little mind, that he couldn't fathom. Some little poison needle he wouldn't even
feel until it was too late. She had read once about a woman who put slow -- acting poison in her
vagina, and killed her false lover because
276 PIERS ANTHONY
after sex with her he just went to sleep, while she got up and quickly washed herself out
before she got too bad a dose. If Colene had something like that, and Ddwng did rape her, what
revenge! Yet even if she had something like that, and managed to kill him -- what would his death
do to the Virtual Mode? He was an anchor person. A dead anchor -- that just might blow up the
whole thing, like a rock in a fan, and kill them all. Could she afford to gamble on that, even if
she had the poison, which she didn't? She was ready to die, but she didn't want to do it to Darius
or Seqiro.
The anchor -- there was the problem. It wasn't safe to touch an anchor person. Ddwng
surely realized that, so he wouldn't kill any of them as long as he had any chance to travel their
Virtual Mode, and he wouldn't do anything to them while they were on it. So he was muscling them
into shape in other ways, taming them, bending them to his will. If only he weren't the anchor for
this reality!
Then the answer flashed through her consciousness like a lovely meteor. Seqiro! We can do
it!
Seqiro considered, using her intelligence and his objectiv -- ity. Yes, it is possible, if
he does not suspect.
I'll lull him right to sleep! I'm good at fooling people. Trust me.
Ida.
Colene had to laugh. Seqiro was the only one who had ever truly understood her. He trusted
her because he knew her for exactly what she was: a conniving little wench. Horse -- face, 1 lave
you!
True.
AFTER Darius killed the monster in properly heroic fashion, according to the news release,
she called him. "Oh, Darius," she pleaded in distraught maidenly fashion, "please give Ddwng the
Chip! It's the only way we can be together!"
He seemed taken aback, as well he might be. But she was serious. She did want him to
agree. "It'll be all right! Honest it will! Please, Darius!" She even managed to put a quaver of
eamestness into her voice, which would have been excel -- lent acting except that it was real. She
was absolutely sincere in this, and she wanted this entire reality to know it. Darius had to make
the pledge!
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He promised to consider. Evidently he did, because soon he did call Ddwng and agree to
guide him to the Chip, with certain manly honorable reservations. It was done.
Colene was the dishonorable one. She dreaded to think of the reckoning she would have with
Darius when she did what she hoped to do. But it was better than the choice between lobotomy and
loosing the DoOon on the realities. Sometimes deceit was the only way.
DDWNG took her to a far planet elsewhere in the gal -- axy. She had given up trying to
wrestle with the concept of faster-than-light travel; it was contrary to the physics of her
reality, but evidently just fine here. The same went for instant communication across the galaxy,
antigravity, and all the rest. Super-science, another name for fantasy, in her home town.
They would attend an elegant ball in their honor at the chief city of Planet Kyvrn. Mare
got Colene garbed for it in a rehearsal, and Horse drilled her on spot protocol. She was the
Emperor's newest and youngest consort, and as such the object of much interest. She would be
rather quiet in the Emperor's presence, and rather haughty when alone, for her status on this
planet was second only to his. She would dance with him once, and thereafter with any man she
chose. Stal -- lion went through the steps with her, making sure she would not misstep.
"But what's my mission here?" she asked.
"This is a rebellious planet," Horse explained. "You will need to restore it to harmony
with the Empire."
Colene was aghast. "A rebel world? And Ddwng is setting foot on it? And I'm supposed to
tame it? Why doesn't he just stick his head in a running meat-grinder while he's at it, and I'll
just pick up a section of the galaxy and shake some stars loose!"
All three Equines laughed. They had learned early that she made jokes, and accommodated
themselves to it. She liked them very well. They were nominally subhuman, but actually they were
intelligent enough, with Horse perhaps being smarter than she, and they were perfectly comfortable
to be around. She wished there were some way to have such com -- panions with her always, without
the degradation of such per -- manent servitude. She had always liked horses, but would
278 PIERS ANTHONY
have thought that horse-headed human beings would be dis -- gusting. That was not the case
at all; they seemed quite nat -- ural now.
"This is not that kind of rebellion," Horse said. "This is a retirement colony. Most of
the residents are former Empire officials. Here they are out of power, with no requirements, and
discover that they are restive. They would never actually rebel, but their discomfort would be an
embarrassment were it known, as this is supposedly an ideal world. It will be your task, in the
course of the next three days, to make them com -- fortable with their situation."
"It's still preposterous!" she exclaimed. "Does Ddwng expect me to perform magic? I don't
know anything about this, and if I did, what could I do? And if I could do anything -- three days?
I mean, Rome wasn't built in a day, and -- "
"Rome?"
"Famous ancient city in my reality. Forget it. The point is, this is like -- like --
impossible!"
"Evidently the Emperor has much confidence in you," Horse said dryly, twitching his furry
ears.
Colene only wished that Seqiro were here. He might have been able to read the minds of the
people, and get a notion how to satisfy them. But he was thousands of light-years away, reverted
to his dumb animal stage, awaiting her return. She was on her own, and she didn't like it one bit.
Or was she? If telepathy existed, and faster-than-light travel existed, and Proves could
remember the future here, showing that it was her talent, not restricted to her reality -- why
couldn't telepathy and FTL merge, and enable her to com -- mune with her friend regardless? Where
was it written that the powers of one reality were nullified in another? Maybe some were and some
weren't. Maybe Darius couldn't do magic here, but Seqiro could project h;s thoughts instantly
across interstellar reaches. She had a receptive mind for him, for sure! If anybody could receive
him here, she was the one!
She lay down, theoretically resting the hour before the ball, and closed her eyes. But she
didn't relax, and she didn't care what the monitors thought; they could assume that she was all
twisted up by the enormity of her mission. She opened her mind to her true friend.
VIRTUAL MODE 279
Seqiro! Seqiro! Do you read me?
At first there was nothing. Then there was the faintest re -- sponse. She focused on that,
willing it to become stronger. It had to be him! Seqiro! Read me! I need you!
Faintly, faintly, she felt his mind.
/ have to find a way to make these folk feel better about being retired and useless. You
must read their minds for me, if you can, to get a glimpse of what will do it. That's my only
chance not to blow this mission out of space!
The faint reassurance came. He would do what he could.
IT was a pretty planet. The terraforming had evidently made it into one big garden, with
neatly laid-out cities set up like parkland, so that the houses hardly showed through the trees.
Small lakes were everywhere, set between hills, with paths between them. There seemed to be no
motorized ve -- hicles; if there was mass traffic, it was out of sight. This was
the sort of place she would like to retire to with Darius, if that ever came.
Of course that was just the image in the screen. She was sure there were slums and garbage
and all the rest of the seamy side of civilization. She knew how it was; she remem -- bered
Panama. But the illusion was nice, even so.
Then it was time to get ready. All three Equines pitched in, without regard for modesty;
Stallion was drawing some -- thing like support stockings up her legs while Horse was fit -- ting
her invisible bra for proper uplift and Mare was doing her hair. It was all right; there were no
secrets from a person's nulls. In a surprisingly short time they transformed her from ordinary
messed-up teenager to a vision of unbelievable love -- liness. Each time they garbed her, they
seemed to exceed prior records for success. Then Stallion took her to the mat -- terport and via
it to landfall.
She went in a daze through the halls of the receiving com -- plex, feeling the slightly
diminished gravity and breathing the slightly strange air. This was a foreign planet, all right;
her body knew it. Ddwng was waiting for her at the entrance, resplendent in his own uniform robe
of the day. He was ac -- tually rather handsome in his brute fashion. She pictured his Swine doing
thing about dressing up, and about dancing, that made every -- thing seem better than it was. But
deep down she would never be fooled. Will you dance with me after my lobotomy, dear? She had to
stifle a wry smile; it was her kind of humor. She had been afraid of physical rape, not realizing
how much worse things could be. Her reproductive organs cut out of her and put into a cold sere
laboratory...
Suddenly the dance was done. Ddwng made the little bow to her, then spun about and walked
away. She was on her own.
The tableau was frozen. They were waiting for her. She looked at the circle of men, and
spied the oldest and by his clothing the most important. Old men were hardly safe, but tended to
be less dangerous than young ones. She walked slowly to him.
"I will dance first with the handsomest," she said. She heard his ball translating as she
spoke.
He stepped forward. "Governor Rrllo," her ball said. "I thank you for this significant
privilege."
They danced in exactly the same fashion as before; the set routine was handy this way. His
hands did not stray. Around them other couples now danced also. The ball was under way.
Engage him in dialogue.
Yes, so that Seqiro could tune in on Rrllo's focused thoughts. Colene had a mission to
perform, and her one-in -- a-million chance of succeeding would become even less if she didn't
take advantage of every opportunity to try to un -- derstand these folk.
"I didn't really choose you for your handsomeness," Col -- ene said to Rrllo. "I wanted to
talk with you."
"I am shocked to hear that," he replied with a chuckle. Their two translation balls were
close together and seemed to be talking to each other. "You thought I would know what's going on
behind the scenes?" The translations had become so facile that his idiom was rendered without
hesitation into her idiom.
"Yes. I -- " She brought a faintly woebegone look to her face, with little effort
required. "I have almost no chance to
VIRTUAL MODE 283
figure out the problem, let alone solve it, but if there's any -- thing I can do, I'll at
least try. I thought perhaps you would help me get started."
You aren't fooling him, but he is intrigued. You have hon -- ored him by selecting him to
dance, and he would like to help you. But he is wary.
"You have a better chance than most," he said. "You have the ear of the Emperor, for the
moment."
"But what is it that the people here want?"
He shook his head. "That is no mystery. But the solution -- that is the mystery."
"It is all a mystery to me! This seems like a nice planet."
"It is very nice," he agreed.
He knows. But he doesn 't want to tell.
"Please, Rrllo! After the ball -- may I see you? I mean, visit your house, get to know
your family, talk with you off the record?"
He seemed taken aback. "Nothing is forbidden to a con -- sort. But our private lives are
of little interest."
He remains wary. You may be trying to trick him into saying something treasonous.
So it was like that. Colene felt that old familiar deathwish -- gamble urge coming on. It
wasn't that she truly needed to solve this riddle; she expected to fail regardless Tt was that
when she got into something, anything, the underlying nature of her started taking over, and the
decorous rules started suf -- fering.
"Do you know what Ddwng does to those who displease him?" she inquired.
The man stiffened. "I know."
"Then you know that I face lobotomy if I mess up." She wasn't sure how true this was; it
probably depended more on whether Darius messed up. But it was certainly a threat against her. And
perhaps against any of the residents of the planet who contributed to that failure.
"That, no," he said. "Surely not merely for failing an impossible mission."
"Would you gamble on that?"
He considered, now realizing that his own hide could be on the line too. "I will meet you
after the ball. Tomorrow morning?"
284 PIERS ANTHONY
She smiled bittersweetly. "Thank you, Rrllo." She was learning how to handle the reins of
power.
After that, she came close to enjoying the dance, though she kept thinking of the Sword of
Damocles. That was the case of the courtier who was given a fine meal to eat, with a heavy sword
hanging by a thread over his head; distracted by that threat, he hardly enjoyed the meal. Thus the
King showed him the liability of power. Colene now had an excellent no -- tion how the poor man
had felt.
NEXT morning, more appropriately dressed for going places, she went with Rrllo. "Now show
me Panama," she said.
"I beg your pardon?"
The translator ball hadn't caught up with that one yet. She felt a small morsel of
satisfaction. "I would like to see how the other half lives. The folk who don't get to go to fancy
balls. Who don't hobnob with the Emperor." For it was in her mind that it would be from this class
that a revolution would most likely brew.
"The servant class," he said. "We can't afford three nulls for each person, but there is a
cadre of nulls that passes from house to house to catch up on business."
Nulls. Her expectation deflated. There would be no revo -- lution there. "I changed my
mind. Let's just go to your place and talk."
"As you wish."
His place turned out to be an elegant futuristic (to her perception) cottage on the edge
of a lakelet, with pleasantly exotic trees and shrubs surrounding it. His wife was exactly the
kind she expected, and the neighbors were too. Rebel -- lion? This just didn't seem to be the
place for it.
He remains intrigued by you. There is a certain naive sin -- cerity you evince which is
normally lacking in consorts. He may cooperate.
"Look," she said forthrightly. "You folk used to have a lot of power in the Empire, and
now you've been put out to pasture. I guess that's a comedown. But why would Ddwng think there's a
rebellion brewing?"
"There is no rebellion brewing!" Rrllo protested. "We are satisfied retired citizens."
VIRTUAL MODE 285
"But he has spy-eyes to check every nuance of every re -- action of every person. He has
to know you're up to some -- thing. Why he figures it's anything I can do anything about is beyond
me."
"You are speaking with unusual candor."
He's getting interested.
"I'm from another reality. I was on my way to meet my -- the man I love, and this reality
was between, so I passed through here, and he came from the other side, and now we're both in
Ddwng's power and if we don't do what he wants we're in trouble. So I'm doing what he wants. He
wants me to fix things here. So if there's anything I can do, I'm damn well going to do it, so I
can get on out of this reality. Now, if you'll just tell me what you want, maybe just maybe I can
do you and me some good. I admit it's unlikely, but why not give it a try?"
Rrllo was amazed. "You are from another reality? There has not been a connection between
realities in a thousand years!"
"There is now. Ddwng wants to get our Chip so he can go into other realities. We'd rather
not give it to him, but we don't have a lot of choice, so we'll do it. It's better than
lobotomy.''
Then she realized that she had made a terrible mistake. She should never have mentioned
her knowledge of the lo -- botomy, because now Ddwng would know she knew, and he hadn't told her.
He could have the hint that she had a source of information he didn't know about, and that could
expose Seqiro and ruin everything.
"You are inadvertently speaking treason," Rrllo said.
She nodded grimly. "Yes, I guess the news is already at Ddwng's HQ. But what does he
expect when he abducts trav -- elers and threatens them to make them do his bidding?"
He thinks you are trying to trap him into treasonous dia -- logue.
"There are no recorders here. It would be too expensive to mount and maintain them in an
unimportant site like Kyvm. This conversation is private. But you are mistaken if you suppose we
have any animosity toward the Emperor."
"No cameras?" she asked, hope flaring. "You mean no one will know what I just said, if you
don't tell them?"
286 PIERS ANTHONY
"I would not presume to report on the private words of a consort. Surely you have
excellent reason for your utter --
ances.
She smiled. "I guess you couldn't tell him anything he doesn't already know." Apparently
the man did not realize the significance of the lobotomy reference. What a relief! "But I'm really
not trying to trick you. I'm just telling you that I have a different perspective. I'm really not
the Emper -- or's mistress; it's just a title he put on me so he has a pretext to put me here."
"But he introduced you as -- "
"Yes. But it's not real. I guess he wanted you to think you rated higher than you do. But
Rrllo, I'd sure like to make good even though it's hardly possible. If you'd just help me a little
bit, maybe we can both come out ahead."
He is impressed by your directness. He is inclined to trust you.
"Let me tell you then wha I assumed you knew," Rrllo said. "This planet is a retirement
community for officers of the Empire. As such, it is elite, and we receive excellent care. There
is no poverty or crime. But some of us feel that we were retired too soon, and that we could have
given further years of service to the Empire, and maintained the associated perquisites. Instead
we have been displaced by younger, rel -- atively inexperienced officers. Are you surprised that
we feel a certain dissatisfaction?"
Colene shook her head, perplexed. "Why retire you if you're still doing well?"
"This is our question. We feel the policy is misguided, particularly since genetic
deficiencies are appearing more fre -- quently in following generations. In all candor, we feel
that those who replace us lack, as a whole, the ability we have, even after allowing for the
difference in experience."
"And I guess it wouldn't do much good just to say that to Ddwng."
"It has been said to him already."
"And he responded by sending me."
"This is the case."
True.
Colene pondered for about forty seconds. "Maybe it's his way of changing his mind. If I
suggest something he's ready
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to do anyway, then he can say he's doing it for me, and no one will think he's wishy-
washy."
"Oh, he does not wish to wash anything himself!"
Colene paused, realizing that she had slipped another col -- loquialism past the
translator. "I mean that he's given to changing his mind readily.''
Rrllo smiled. "He is not given to that."
"See, I'm about as unusual a consort as he could have, when you get right down to it. I
might come up with some -- thing pretty wacky, because I'm from out of town. Rather than make it
seem that he sent an unqualified consort, he might just agree to what I suggest. So maybe what you
need to do is to tell me what to suggest, and maybe it'll happen."
Rrllo stared at her. "You are a most unusual young woman."
"I guess I am. But why don't we try it? Because suddenly this makes sense of things. That
he knows what he's doing, and he thinks you have a case. So my chances and yours aren't nearly as
remote as we figured -- if we play it right."
You have surprised him. He has decided to go along with you.
"As it happens, we do have a proposal, if the Emperor does not find it insulting."
"I have a feeling he knows what it is, and that he's ready to do it." She was coming to a
better appreciation of Ddwng's subtlety. The man was a cunning and unscrupulous customer, but what
he did made sense. She only hoped that he had underestimated her more than she had underestimated
him. It was an excruciatingly dangerous game she was playing.
"It is this: we would like to bring our expertise back into play. We would like to be
designated advisers in our spe -- cialities -- which cover the gamut of those necessary to the
operation of the Empire -- and consulted when there are prob -- lems which the younger officers
might have difficulty with."
"To pull things out when they bungle."
"I would not have put it that way."
"You're not an alien teenage pseudo-consort."
He smiled. "Indeed I am not."
"Let's try it! Set me up with the detail and the arguments I'll need, and make sure I have
it straight, and I'll tell him
he put it to her di -- rectly. "You surprised me, Colene. I may have underesti -- mated you. How
did you know about the lobotomy?"
"I'm telepathic," she replied without hesitation. That was the half-lie, flat out.
He gazed at her. "We regard such claims as without sub -- stance."
"Yes. That's why you had so much trouble with the mon -- ster of Yils. You just couldn't
believe it was possible to stun someone by pure mental force."
"Darius is telepathic too?"
"Not exactly. He can receive and rebroadcast emotion, without being affected. He's more
like a catalyst. So the mon -- ster couldn't mind-blast him. As you expected."
"You are evidently well matched to Darius."
"I evidently am. His mind, my mind -- I think it's going to be fun, when we finally get
together and explore the inter -- actions."
"What am I thinking now?"
She shook her head. "It's not that simple, Ddwng. It's not like watching a program on the
wall. Your mind is all guarded and complicated. You have to be unguarded and have a very strong
thought, and even then I don't necessarily get it. The lobotomy was so strong, and related to me
so directly, that I picked it up. It was when we were eating, and you told me the three things you
wanted of me -- to be your consort, and such. I thought it was sex, but it was lobotomy. After
that I decided to agree to your three things. You didn't wonder what changed my mind?"
"I did wonder."
He is concluding that it is true.
"Well, new you know. The only other thing I got was
VIRTUAL MODE 291
about genetics. But that wasn't clear. What do genetics have to do with me?"
Now he believes he knows what you have been hiding from him. Your knowledge of some of his
plans.
"Our gene pool is too limited. We have achieved perfect health and uniformity, but along
with the liabilities of genetic diversity, we eliminated some of the strengths. You may have genes
we can use."
"So you're going to breed me like an animal -- " She broke off, fixing him with a
carefully rehearsed stare. "Surgery! You intend to take my ovaries!"
"So you did receive that thought."
"How could I miss it! You monster! You told me that you would let us go if we got you the
Chip!"
Ddwng lifted his hands in a gesture of conciliation. "I will do that. If we achieve the
other realities, there will be many gene sources, and you will be superfluous. It is only if we
fail that we shall have to take whatever offers."
"Don't take this personally, Ddwng, but sometimes you remind me of a slimy tapeworm. You
don't care whose guts you destroy, so long as you get yours."
He smiled. "I see we understand each other."
And it seemed that her ploy had worked. She had shown the correct amount of perception and
outrage, and he be -- lieved that she could read his mind -- in sometime glimpses. He would
probably stay clear of her now. But she would have to watch her step most carefully from here on,
if she expected to survive and to save her friends. This was no part-time hood she was facing off;
Ddwng was deadly dangerous.
THEY traveled back to Earth, which was a great relief. This super-science stuff was all
right, but Colene felt most comfortable with Earth, even in its multiple alternate reali -- ties.
The five anchors of the Virtual Mode seemed to be on Earth, so that all the anchor folk were human
or familiar animal, though the underlying rules of the universe might shift. If Darius made it
back, and they set foot on the Virtual Mode, and if her plan worked -- but she refused even to
think of that, lest she somehow give it away. She could afford to make no more mistakes.
The first thing she did on Earth was hold communion with
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Seqiro. Now she knew better than to vocalize or subvocalize;
pure thought was the only way, and that with circumspection, so that there was no outward
hint about where her mind really was. In fact, she made sure to have something account for her
emotional reactions, as a cover. In this case another vi -- olent entertainment program. DoOon
tastes seemed to be similar to lowbrow American, which didn't say much for their improved
genetics.
Seqiro! I'm so glad to be close to you again!
It is wonderful, he agreed. His thought came in far more clearly, now that they were
close.
It was like a bad connection, there in the region of Kyvm. I could barely receive you.
Receive me? There was no contact there.
She was startled. But there was! You gave me key readings on the reactions of others. I
needed those.
We lost contact when you left Earth. I reverted to unintel -- ligent animal level. I am
restored only now, with your con -- tact.
Something was wrong. But I read you!
There was no contact between us. The conviction was
absolute.
All that key support from him -- had it been only her imagination? Then how had she picked
up the attitudes of Rrllo? You mean -- I really did read a mind myself?
This seems to have been the case. You have been learning from me during our contact,
gaining some of my mental abil -- ity just as I gain some of yours.
So her half-truth had been a three-quarter truth! An awe -- some new horizon was opening
to her.
Colene gazed at the stupid program on the wall, her mind reeling. What a development this
was!
r- CHAPTER 12
DECISION
T^ARIUS watched the constellation which included -- Earth's sun approach with mixed
feelings. He had accomplished his mission and agreed to give the Emperor the Chip. His choice had
been between Colene and the welfare of the other realities. He had chosen selfishly. He was not
proud. But it was done, and now he would carry through.
It was the ninth day of their residence in this Mode. To -- morrow was Ddwng's deadline,
and their probable venture back into the Virtual Mode. Darius knew the way back to his own Mode.
What would happen there? He would have to see Ddwng safely there, and ask the Cyng of Pwer to give
the man the Chip. Then what? Would Pwer do it?
Darius feared he would. Because Ddwng would bring a pain dial and use it on him. If that
did not work in that Mode, something else would. Ddwng was a hard man.
"You are pensive," Pussy said via the translation ball. "How may I make you feel better?"
"I fear there is no way."
This time she did not offer him sex or a massage. Only her unadorned sympathy. That turned
out to be about as effective as anything.
All too soon they were there. The FTL Flay took up orbit around Earth, and made ready for
the exchange of captains. "It has been a pleasure to serve you, sir," Jjle said formally.
294 PIERS ANTHONY
"You made it easy," Darius said. "I hope you have plea -- sure in the next mission." Then
he bid parting to his Felines, shaking hands with Tom and Cat and kissing Pussy. "There were
aspects of my mission I did not appreciate. But you were a delight. I am sorry to leave you."
They did not respond, for he had neither questioned them nor given them a directive. He
knew that they would serve the next captain as loyally as they had him, if the man did not have
his own set of nulls. Sentimentality was wasted here. Nevertheless, he felt it.
Then he saw a tear in Pussy's eye. That heartened him. Her emotion was surely transient,
but it was there.
He stepped into the transporter cubicle with Provos, and out again in the Emperor's palace
on Earth. An Ovine neuter was there to guide them to their chamber for the night.
But when he got there, he discovered that it was occupied. There were three Equines,
looking very much like his Felines but with their heads shaped to suggest those of horses. They
evidently came with the suite.
Then he remembered something. Colene was served by Equines. Could it be?
"Whom do you serve?" he asked the neuter, who would be Horse.
"We serve Colene, who has directed us to make you com -- fortable until she returns."
This seemed too good to be true. Ddwng was allowing them to be together? "Where is she
now?"
"Dining with the Emperor, as she normally does."
Was Ddwng taking more of an interest in Colene than in business? Darius felt a tinge of
jealousy, but a larger tinge of satisfaction. Colene knew her own mind, once she made it up, and
she wouldn't hesitate to use any influence she had. She would have more influence on Ddwng than
the Emperor realized, if he wasn't careful, and she would use it to make him do what she wanted.
She wanted to return to the Virtual Mode and travel with him, Darius. He was sure of this.
Maybe she had even used that influence to prevail on Ddwng to let the two of them be
together this night. She could have hinted that she would make sure that Darius did not change his
mind about giving Ddwng the Chip. Ddwng | also might suppose that there would be key dialogue
between |
VIRTUAL MODE 395
them, which his sensors would pick up, which would reveal any potential treachery.
Well, there would be no treachery. Darius had given his word, and he would honor it. Maybe
Colene expected him to do something foolish or deceitful, but he would not. He was betraying the
realities, but not his nature. He hoped Colene would never know why.
What, then, was he to do this night? He did not want to be close to her before they could
discuss things and come to some understanding, and he had no intention of discussing anything with
her in this Mode.
"Please show us to our separate chambers," Proves said to the nulls. "We shall eat after
we are established."
There was the answer. Provos remembered what was to happen.
Mare showed Provos to one chamber, and Stallion showed Darius to another. He saw that a
bed had been set up; they were ready for the guests. He used the toilet chamber, checked himself
in the mirror, and returned to the main chamber.
Horse had already set up the table with the meal of the day. Provos reappeared, and they
sat down opposite each other, as they had regularly while on the ship. Darius didn't notice what
he ate, being preoccupied by his thoughts.
They were, oddly, not of Colene at the moment, but of Provos. He had traveled for some
time with this odd woman, and still hardly knew her. She had seldom spoken to him recently,
maintaining her disapproval of his decision. He hadn't faulted her for that; he did not like it
himself. But would she have let Colene be destroyed?
Well, her memory of the future was surely short now, be -- cause she could not remember
across realities, and tomorrow they would resume those crossings. He could only hope that some
agency other than his own prevented Ddwng from get -- ting what he wanted.
Stallion departed. "He is going to fetch Colene; it is time," Horse explained. Like Cat,
the neuter was the intelligent one. Darius nodded.
Colene returned. She was an absolute vision of beauty, in a pale blue gown and diadem.
Darius caught his breath, un -- able to speak. He had never seen her like this!
296 PIERS ANTHONY
Her gaze fixed immediately on him. Of course she was not surprised; she had known he was
coming. "What, no Pussy?" she inquired with mock wonder. He noted with odd surprise that her words
came from her rather than from the translation ball. "Take Mare for the night."
"I would be with her as I was with you," he said with hurt dignity. "But without the
love."
She looked at him for a moment more. Then her face crumpled. "Oh, Darius, I'm sorry!" she
cried, and flung herself at him. He barely had time to rise from his chair before she collided,
bearing him back against the wall. "I love you, I love you, I love you!" she wailed through her
tears, into his shoulder, destroying the careful makeup Mare must have applied.
He wrestled her around until her head came up. Then he kissed her. "I love you," he said.
"I would do anything just to be with you!"
"Yes." That was what they had done, betraying the real -- ities.
"Please -- be with me tonight."
He tried to say no, and could not. His separate chamber would not be used.
But when they were together, he remembered how young she was. In his culture a woman was
old enough when her body indicated she was ready, and by that token Colene was legitimate. But in
hers there was a set age of consent, and she was below it. They were not in her Mode now, but her
values were of it, and it would be wrong to presume on her innocence. What could she knew of the
reality of sexual in -- dulgence, however pleasurable it might be?
Also, he knew that everything they did was being watched and recorded; the walls were
eyes. He had no shame in sexual expression, but with Colene, with love, the first time, there
should be privacy. He could not explain this to her, because she did not know the true ways of the
DoOon.
Meanwhile she stripped naked for him. He demurred. "Not yet," he said. He also refused to
take her as a gift from Ddwng. When this terrible business was done, and they were safely in his
Mode, then it would be all right.
"And what of Pussy?" she demanded with mercurial tem -- per.
VIRTUAL MODE S297
"I will be with you as I was with her." He embraced her, and did nothing more, though his
desire was manifest.
"Damn you!" she whispered.
"I will not say it would not have been otherwise, had you not appeared when you did," he
confessed. "After that, I thought only of you."
She lifted her head. "Really? You really didn't do it? Be -- cause of me?'' "Yes."
She paused a moment, as if listening to a distant voice. "Yes, it really was that way,
wasn't it! I am so sorry I doubted. Well, it's me now."
"Yes. That is enough."
"It's enough," she agreed. "Well, almost; you were na -- ked with her. So get naked with
me."
Darius sighed, not annoyed, and removed his own cloth -- ing. His body was aroused, and he
did not try to conceal this from her. She wanted to know whether he desired her, and this was
answer enough. But his desire was matched by his discipline.
Colene gazed at him with evident satisfaction. Then she planted herself against him, her
breasts and thighs pressing close.
He knew what she was doing. The little vixen was tempt -- ing him, as she had before, but
more directly. Well, she could excite him, but she could not make him forget his resolve. He
closed his arms around her and stroked her sleek back, and did no more. He was perversely glad she
was doing this, because it was her way.
So it was that they slept, embraced, remaining chaste in their fashion, as they had when
in her Mode. The odd thing was that she seemed pleased rather than rejected. Why would she offer
her body to a man and be happy when he seemed to lack the gumption to use it?
NEXT day they gathered in the chamber of the palace where the anchor was. Colene stood
beside her huge stallion, whom she had named Seqiro, her hand on his nose to guide him. Darius was
becoming increasingly curious about that animal, who seemed to be more than ordinary, but he would
safely to my Mode, and I need to be sure you understand the nature of the inherent threats to you.
You must also be cautious about stepping across the boundaries in some sections; there may be
rough terrain, or predators, or traps set. We shall have to proceed extremely cautiously when
approaching the pit, the region of several realities that has been mined. We can not cross it
safely, but we should be able to go around it. So if I tell you to do something, do not take
oflense; it may be an emer -- gency."
"I am a realist," Ddwng said. "You are the leader for this excursion."
"One other thing you need to know, in case we become separated: how to tune in on the most
direct path. Since any -- one who gets isolated from the group will have no way but this to rejoin
the group, by converging on a common destiny, we all must be able to do if." Darius glanced at
Colene, realizing something. "The horse -- he is from another anchor? He can cross boundaries
without having to be in contact with you? You will nevertheless have to guide him, and not let him
get lost."
"Yes, I won't let Seqiro get lost," Colene agreed. "And warn me long before we step into
any pit! I don't want to have to haul him out!"
Even Ddwng smiled briefly. "I wondered whether you would raise this matter. It was evident
that none of you were traveling randomly. How do I tune in? I was aware of no path before; I laid
out my paths only geometrically, to intercept those who crossed the blank realities. This is not a
physical thing?"
"It is a mental thing," Darius said. "In your Mode you do not employ magical or mental
mechanisms. Magic simply does not operate; I experimented and verified this. I assumed that the
same applied to the mental component, but discov -- ered that it did not. The monster was simply a
human child with a freak mental talent. It may be that your people have had this ability bred out
of them, but that they can recover it with effort and training."
"We shall try to broaden our gene pool with this in mind," Ddwng said.
plants and shrubs, no trees. That entire setting swung through undisturbed.
Another scene swung down. This was a barren desert sim -- ilar to the one they had crossed
coming to this anchor. What was happening?
Ddwng freed his anchor.
It was not a voice but a thought. It felt like Colene. The desert swung down, gaining
velocity. Another desert replaced it, and another.
He tried to speak, but somehow could not. There was no air, but he was not gasping. He
seemed to be in suspended
animation, though he could move. Anchor? Ddwng wouldn't do that!
Seqiro took over his mind and made him decide to free the anchor.
The horse? Darius stared at the more rapidly moving scenes, which were now sliding through
at a blurring rate.
Seqiro is telepathic. He has linked us. I didn 't tell you before, because we had to fool
Ddwng. We caught him by surprise when he opened his mind, and before he knew it he had freed the
anchor, and he's gone. Now we have to find another, so he can't connect up again.
A telepathic horse? Darius had never suspected such a thing! A thought from outside had
made the Emperor do what only he could do, and release his anchor, cutting his Mode free of the
Virtual Mode? Darius had honestly intended to deliver on his commitment to Ddwng, despite his
detestation of the necessity. But now, astonishingly --
Yes. It was the only way. I planned it, but 1 couldn'? tell you or anyone. Seqiro tuned in
on your mind, so I know how you love me. He says you have a marvelously straightforward and honest
mind, no trouble at all to relate to. It was won -- derful sleeping in your love last night. But I
couldn't tell you, because --
Because he would not have broken his word to Ddwng. Colene had intended all along to do
this. Yet she had pleaded with him to cooperate with Ddwng!
/ lied. To fool Ddwng.
502 PIERS ANTHONY
She had lied -- to them all.
/ had to do it! It was the only way!
She had practiced deliberate deception. She had broken her given word. In the process she
had rendered his pledge void.
Oh-oh.
How could he love a dishonest woman?
The chaos turning around them shifted its nature. There was sound now, as if the Modes
themselves were humming. It was music, but neither pleasant nor innocent.
The passing Modes were forming a new pattern in their larger perspective. Instead of
resembling some changing Earthly landscape, with mountains lifting and sinking like ragged waves,
they became geometrical. Three-dimensional crystalline outlines formed, changing their
configurations in odd ways. Lines and balls passed through, strung in endless spirals. Light
flared in divergent colors, each color incon -- stant, becoming a nucleus for lesser flares, and
lesser yet, and on. Well-defined shapes became cloudy, dissolving into other well-defined shapes;
the cloudiness was only in the in -- ability of the observer to fathom the nuances.
Fractals! It was Colene's amazed realization.
There came a shape like a hairy bug, growing rapidly larger, with fire playing about its
fringe. Within that fire loomed expanding curlicues, and within them spiderweblike structures
linked to each other by smaller webs, and within those patterns forming seeming tunnels to
infinity.
The change was slowing, as if the final orientation was coming into alignment. The new
anchor was being set.
Then the whirling Modes abruptly firmed. They came to a sudden stop, with no physical
impact. It was as if the Mode on which the four of them stood had been still, and the rest of all
the universe had stopped their motion.
They stood at the verge of a strange stone cliff overlooking a heaving sea. Into the face
of the cliff were set two enormous red roses. Before them was a young woman in a red dress. A
stiff sea breeze was blowing her thick black hair to the side. Beyond her was a green valley, and
beyond that a hill on which perched a stone castle.
The weird music was stronger now, not loud but penetrat --
VIRTUAL MODE 303
ing to the gray matter of their bones and the marrow of their minds.
The girl seemed as startled to see them as they were to see her. Darius knew that they had
just connected with a new anchor Mode, and that she was the anchor person. But the young woman had
no prior experience with Virtual Modes Jo her, the three of them and the horse had just appeared
from nowhere.
She is Nona, Colene's thought came. Hello. Nona. We are friends.
Darius hoped that was the case.